Is your husband not interested in sex? Although stereotypes describe men as having a voracious sexual appetite, women can find themselves married to men who don’t seem to want sex or whose sex drive has seriously dropped. Often, we jump to the worst-case scenario, but your husband’s disinterest in sex may not necessarily be negative.
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Why Is My Husband Not Interested in Sex?
There are several reasons why your husband may not be interested in sex. Some of them are to be expected, many of them can be resolved, and a few may mean the death of your relationship. Read on to learn more.
1. He’s Cheating
We’ll get this reason why your husband might not be interested in sex out of the way quickly. A lot of women jump to the conclusion that just because he’s not having sex with them, he must be having sex with someone else. Yes, this does sometimes happen. Look for a few signs of infidelity before you accuse your husband of having an affair, however.
2. He’s Struggling with ED
Erectile dysfunction, or ED, is a difficult subject for many men to deal with. Instead of opening up to you or talking to his doctor, your husband might be avoiding the subject altogether. Of course, this means you’re not having sex.
Don’t think that his ED means he isn’t attracted to you, however. Everything from stress to drug use to blood pressure to medication can contribute to erectile dysfunction. Discover what science has to do with boners.
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For men who need just a bit of help maintaining an erection, a cock ring might do the trick. Learn more here.
3. He’s Insecure
If insecurity about a man’s erection can sound the death knell in the bedroom, then what can we expect from other insecurities? You can probably empathize with your man. After all, none of us are without insecurities.
However, men are often taught not to let theirs show, which can complicate the issue. Women can talk to their female friends and family about gaining a few pounds, grey hairs or skin that doesn’t seem to bounce back like it once did, but men often lack that sort of outlet.
The good news is, sexual anxiety is normal, so you can let your man know he’s not alone. You can also show him that he’s desirable to you despite – or perhaps because of – whatever flaws he thinks he has. Men love a good compliment. More on this.
Sexual anxiety can also be mitigated. Read this post about dealing with sexual anxiety to have better sex without reservations.
4. You’ve Changed Physically
The flip side of your husband not wanting sex might be that he’s less attracted to you. Perhaps you’ve stopped putting as much effort into your appearance since you got married, had a child or started a new job. You may have gained weight, even through no fault of your own.
On the one hand, taking care of yourself attracts members of the opposite sex and is nice to do for your man. On the other hand, if your man is so preoccupied with how you look or what you way, he may be shallow, and you may be better off not having sex with him.
5. He’s Addicted to Porn
Although porn addiction may not be real (learn more about this), any compulsive behavior can get between a woman and her husband, ultimately leading to him not wanting sex. Seeing all those toned, youthful bodies, complete with plastic surgery and professional makeup, can certainly lead to a disconnect with the real world.
Similarly, if your husband has a specific fetish, without which he cannot become hard or cum, your regular sex life may suffer.
Both of these things may require therapy, either together or just for your husband before they can be resolved.
6. A Medical Condition Has Killed His Libido
There are a number of medical conditions which may provide the answer to the question “Why is your husband not interested in sex?”. Depression and anxiety are two such conditions that may lead to disinterest in sex. Dating someone with depression is hard for a variety of reasons. Find out more.
Even the common cold or flu gets in the way of a healthy sex life, and nerve damage may quash desire, too. You might not realize it, but diabetes, ED, and low libido often go hand in hand . Hormonal imbalances can contribute to sex drive fluctuations, too. It’s one reason why you might be hornier during some parts of your cycle (find out what else makes you horny), but both men and women with low testosterone may have a lack of interest in sex.
Depending upon the condition, you might seek alternatives such as mutual masturbation or using toys, or you may be able to talk to your husband’s doctor about solutions to his decreased libido.
Sometimes a healthier focus on diet and exercise can naturally increase libido.
7. Your Relationship Is In Trouble
If there’s trouble outside of the bedroom, there’s bound to be trouble inside it. Reluctance to have sex is one sign that your man is unhappy, even if he’s unwilling to talk to you about it. It might be time to talk about your relationship and tackle any issues you’ve been avoiding if your suspect your man is doing this.
However, it might also be a sign that your marriage is over, and you may want to look toward the future instead of trying to patch things up.
8. He Thinks You Only Want Sex
Although being married typically implies that you want more from your man than just sex, he might not be so sure. If he feels objectified or like you only want sex, he might be withholding sex as a test. Similarly, some people withhold sex as a form of punishment.
Neither of these behaviors is healthy or mature, so you should make sure you’re open and honest with your man to resolve these issues.
9. Your Routine Is Boring
Having sex for years or months naturally leads to a routine. Perhaps you only have sex before bed on Saturdays. You both do things that indicate sex is going to happen. But that’s so boring!
Being excited about sex is something that makes sex even better, and breaking out of that routine might be what you need to become excited again. Instead of doing the same old thing, switch it up. This might mean:
- Dressing up for your man
- Having sex outside the bedroom or even the house
- Initiating sex
- Trying bondage – learn more
- Adding sex toys
- Taking sex photos
Of course, there are as many ways to spice up your sex life as there are couples. Check out 7 ways to spice up your sex life.
10. He’s Stress
Is your husband not interested in sex? Stress might be the number one reason why people stop having sex. Who can let go and enjoy themselves when so many things demand of your time? It’s hard to clear work projects, ailing parents, children, household chores and other responsibilities from your mind, too.
The good news is, many stresses are only temporary. And you can help lower stress by doing your part at home and making sure not to nag him. A relaxing massage can both lead to satisfying sex and help reduce your husband’s stress.
Discover how to give an amazing erotic massage.
Your Husband’s Not Interested in Sex? Don’t Jump to Conclusions!
What if your husband’s not interested in sex but nothing’s wrong? There are a few reasons this happens.
Desire Waxes and Wanes
In any long-term relationship, there are bound to be times when you have less sex than others. This may coincide with a hectic schedule, but it’s completely normal for sex to slow down after the honeymoon period. It doesn’t necessarily mean that anything is wrong or that your man no longer desires you. As long as everything else is good in your relationship, there’s no need to worry.
It May Not Be You
Although many of us wonder what we’ve done wrong when our partners seem disinterested in sex, it may have nothing at all to do with you. There may be something that your husband needs to work on, but you might not even be able to help other than being the supportive partner you normally are.
Sex Doesn’t Define a Relationship
A lack of sex drive may not even be negative if you’re still working together and communicating effectively. Some couples can go long periods of time without having sex without viewing as an issue. Some people simply value sex less than emotional intimacy, parenting or building a home together, and that’s perfectly okay! There are other ways to measure the success of your relationship and fulfillment you receive from it.
The problem arises when one of you wants more sex than is happening. Resentment builds when you’re not on the same page as your man. Some people require more sex. For them, sex is essential to their relationship, and both the frequency of sex as well as the type of sex can be a deal-breaker.
There’s no single rule for how often you should have sex. These things you must figure out on your own with your partner. Discover how important sex is to a relationship.
Don’t just ask yourself “Why is my husband not interested in sex?”. Consider whether it’s a bad thing.
Related: How Often Should You Have Sex
As you’ve read about some reasons your husband’s not interested in sex, you may see how those things play out in your relationship. You may be able to effect change that returns your sex life to normal without talking to your man about it. However, many of these issues require your husband to be honest, both to himself and to you.
If the two of you can work together, you can often save your sex life, and you may even be surprised to realize nothing’s wrong even if your husband’s not interested in sex.
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