Question
Hi, I have just started a relationship with this great guy and have been reading your blog and newsletters every day.
But there is something that I still haven’t quite figured out yet.
What can I do to start things in the bedroom or outside the bedroom. My boyfriend always seems to just start kissing me or gives me a hug or asks me to come into the bedroom and then it just sort of happens, but he leads me into it.
He is always the one to initiate sex or foreplay and then I just sort of go along with him.
I really like it that he initiates it, but I’d like to try spice things up and be the one who initiates sex, kissing, etc. I guess my question is what should I do to start sex or foreplay with him?
Looking forward to your response,
Sally P.
Answer
Hi Sally,
Thanks for your question. I’ve actually gotten a few that are quite similar to it, so let me answer your question below:
Short Answer:
Just copy what he’s doing, and do it back to him.
Long Answer:
Sometimes patterns develop in relationships. You fall into a routine and you can’t seem to snap out of it.
Falling into a routine is actually pretty natural and normal in any relationship, but falling into a sexual routine can lead to boredom for the both of you.
The fact that you’ve caught yourself falling into a routine is a good thing. You can change things before both of you become set in your ways.
One of the things that I like to teach is experimentation (i.e. trying new things).
So if you want to be the one who initiates things sexually, then you need to try something that you haven’t tried before.
In this case, you need to experiment with taking the lead.
Here are some specific examples and things you can do to be the one who initiates sex.
- The next time you are both lounging on a sofa, watching TV together, but not really that focused on it, try straddling your man on your knees while facing him. Then start kissing him.
- Try sending him a semi-dirty text message letting him know about a sexy surprise that you are planning for later. It could be anything really, a massage, oral sex, striptease, etc.
- You can start initiating things with something as simple as pinching his ass when he’s not expecting it and then giving him deep eye contact and a cheeky smile afterwards.
- Or you could ask him if he’d like a massage. He won’t say ‘no’! Then when you are giving him a massage, straddle his back and every once in a while, lean forward and kiss the back of his neck while you are massaging him. It’s incredibly intimate.
Each of these examples requires different levels of ‘aggression’ or ‘forwardness’ or ‘taking control’ or whatever you want to call it.
I advise that you start trying out the ones that you are most comfortable with and then afterwards move on to the others. 99% of guys will be really turned on by the fact that their partner likes to be the aggressor sometimes.
If you have any of you own ideas for taking control & initiating sex, then please share them with the rest of The Bad Girl’s Bible community by leaving a comment below.
The Best BJ Advice
If you enjoyed learning these basic blow job tips, but want my best information on how to give your man a truly awesome blow job, then you might be interested in The Blow Job Bible. It's literally a bible on giving your man a killer blow job. Click Here To Find Out More.
Inside you will learn:
> 3 Killer Blowjob Techniques to give your man and incredible blowjob.
> 9 Dirty Talk Examples that will blow your man's mind.
> I will show you 4 Weird Sex Tips that will help to make him addicted to you.
> And much, much more...
Ok Sean… I have the opposite problem… I have no problem being more dominant… I am ready for him to take control… He says things that lead me to believe he can and does want it (like telling me he ‘might’ just) but he never does. Do I just tell him flat out that I want him to take more control or what?
Hi Lori,
If you tell your man flat out that you want him to be more dominant it might work. But, if you do tell him flat out, you are putting quite a bit of pressure on him, especially if he is not naturally dominant.
You may find that a better way to get him to be more dominant is to start fairly slowly with telling him what you like and enjoy in bed. So you could say that you like it when he is on top. Or that you really get off when he is in control. Or that you find it highly attractive for a guy to tell you what to do in the bedroom.
Once he gets comfortable with these kinds of requests, you can start being more specific. For example, you could tell him that you get really aroused when he pins your arms to the bed, etc.
The key is framing everything in a positive light.
Sean
Lori… me and my man, each and every week, we schedule a quiet time, just to talk, about concerns… things that we would like, want, need, or things that we don’t like… might i suggest that y’all do the same… for that first week, might i suggest starting out with something that would be simple for y’all’s husband to change or adjust, then progress, to the next week, with something that might take a lil more effort for him to do, then eventually, down the road, he should become the husband that y’all want him to be… trying to change him in small steps, to where he just doesn’t realize the whole overall scheme, emotionally, he can deal with it… of course, it’ll take time, probably months, could be longer, especially with a man whose been just sooo comfortable being submissive… and very important, that each week, that he does make the effort, that y’all be appreciative, for which he will be motivated to want to continue doing it…