Hi, I have just started a relationship with this great guy and have been reading your blog and newsletters every day.
But there is something that I still haven’t quite figured out yet.
What can I do to start things in the bedroom or outside the bedroom. My boyfriend always seems to just start kissing me or gives me a hug or asks me to come into the bedroom and then it just sort of happens, but he leads me into it.
He is always the one to initiate sex or foreplay and then I just sort of go along with him.
I really like it that he initiates it, but I’d like to try spice things up and be the one who initiates sex, kissing, etc. I guess my question is what should I do to start sex or foreplay with him?
Looking forward to your response,
Thanks for your question. I’ve actually gotten a few that are quite similar to it, so let me answer your question below:
Just copy what he’s doing, and do it back to him.
Sometimes patterns develop in relationships. You fall into a routine and you can’t seem to snap out of it.
Falling into a routine is actually pretty natural and normal in any relationship, but falling into a sexual routine can lead to boredom for the both of you.
The fact that you’ve caught yourself falling into a routine is a good thing. You can change things before both of you become set in your ways.
One of the things that I like to teach is experimentation (i.e. trying new things).
So if you want to be the one who initiates things sexually, then you need to try something that you haven’t tried before.
In this case, you need to experiment with taking the lead.
Here are some specific examples and things you can do to be the one who initiates sex.
- The next time you are both lounging on a sofa, watching TV together, but not really that focused on it, try straddling your man on your knees while facing him. Then start kissing him.
- You can start initiating things with something as simple as pinching his ass when he’s not expecting it and then giving him deep eye contact and a cheeky smile afterwards.
- Or you could ask him if he’d like a massage. He won’t say ‘no’! Then when you are giving him a massage, straddle his back and every once in a while, lean forward and kiss the back of his neck while you are massaging him. It’s incredibly intimate.
Each of these examples requires different levels of ‘aggression’ or ‘forwardness’ or ‘taking control’ or whatever you want to call it.
I advise that you start trying out the ones that you are most comfortable with and then afterwards move on to the others. 99% of guys will be really turned on by the fact that their partner likes to be the aggressor sometimes.
If you have any of you own ideas for taking control & initiating sex, then please share them with the rest of The Bad Girl’s Bible community by leaving a comment below.The Blow Job Bible. It's literally a bible on giving your man a killer blow job. Click Here To Find Out More.
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