When you think about sexual compatibility, you might just think about signs of the zodiac. But true sexual compatibility is about much more than that! It’s about finding someone whose style and views on sex match yours, promising you good sex that you’ll both enjoy.
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In many instances, sexual compatibility is something you can encourage, allowing your sex life to become even better and preventing it from becoming stale. Interesting? Read on to learn more!
What Is Sexual Compatibility?
Sexuality compatibility can be defined as physical attraction, having similar sexual preferences and turn ons and enjoying sex with each other.
Like sexual tension and chemistry, sexual compatibility is a must in any romantic relationship where you also want to have amazing sex, and it’s definitely required in a sex-only relationship.
Related: How to Make NSA Relationships Work
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But that’s not all you need to know about sexual compatibility..
What You Need to Know About Being Sexually Compatible
There’s a lot to know about sexual compatibility besides just the definition. Read on to learn more.
1. Sexual compatibility can be a deal-breaker.
Rather, sexual incompatibility can be. If you’re vanilla but your man prefers or even needs rough sex (learn more in this post), then resentment might build between the two of you. You might wonder why vanilla sex isn’t enough while he may wonder why you just can’t open up in bed. Perhaps you want daily sex, but he doesn’t.
If you’re so incompatible that you can’t find a middle ground, it might be the death knell of your relationship. Sexual compatibility is one reason why some people avoid relationships, too. If you know you won’t like the same things early on, it may be better to avoid getting too emotionally involved.
2. You can determine sexual compatibility before you have sex.
To determine sexual compatibility, you can be upfront and ask what types of sex he likes, how often he likes sex and similar questions. Talking about sex can be hard. Learn how to use sexual communication to improve your sex life.
You don’t necessarily need to be direct, however. You could ask telling questions to see if he might have the same kinks as you, how sexually open he is and how important sex is to him.
Some people don’t like answering these questions directly or indirectly. For some women, however, this is a sign that they’re simply not sexually compatible with a man.
Knowing how sexually compatible you are can be beneficial. We all know how high hormones run in the beginning, which can make it difficult for you to tell if you’re truly compatible. As the dust settles, you may be in for a shock if you didn’t look for signs of sexual incompatibility up until then.
3. Women often suffer from sexual incompatibility more than men.
While it isn’t always the case, it’s the women who typically wind up dealing with so-so sex. After all, a man almost always gets off, but penetrative sex rarely does it for a woman without clitoral stimulation at the very least. Even if you’re sexually compatible, vocalizing what you need is necessary to having mutually satisfying sex. Otherwise, you may wind up with many partners who don’t realize (or even care) about the ways in which you’re incompatible.
Women also often have difficulty talking about sex and asking for what they need and want for a variety of reasons. Women are often taught to be agreeable and to suppress their sexual urges regardless of how hurtful this can be. Again, our guide to sexual communication can help (read it here).
Plus, your man will find it hot when you’re being active in your sex life, and he’ll definitely appreciate when you’re having a good time!
4. Incompatibility can hurt your relationship.
There are people who will tell you that sex shouldn’t be the entire foundation of your relationship (Learn the 5 things you need for relationship compatibility). Obviously, we at the Bad Girls Bible want our readers to have amazing sex and think sex is a significant part of a romantic relationship, but we also agree that it’s not everything.
However, sex is important, and if you’re not happy with sex, you’ll soon find yourself unhappy with other elements of your relationship. And you might find yourself growing resentful (Read: I Hate My Husband) and acting out in other ways, which can further damage your relationship.
People who ignore this sexual incompatibility at the beginning of the relationship could be making a grave mistake.
Psst, did you know bad sex is one reason why women cheat? Men, too! Learn more here.
Examples of Sexual Compatibility
The following are a few examples of sexual compatibility.
- You and your man value sex approximately the same. Perhaps neither of you has a high sex drive or you both think it’s a significant part of your relationship. Either way, you’re on the same page.
- You like the same sexual activities. From oral sex to bondage (Wanna try bondage tonight? Read our post about it) to anal, you have the same general tastes.
- You’re interested in one another’s pleasure, which encourages you to communicate, experiment and be selfless.
- You focus on the journey and not the destination. In most cases, this means enjoying sex as an activity without placing too much emphasis on orgasm. This can be summed up as quality over quantity.
- You have sexual chemistry. Discover 14 ways to build sexual chemistry and have great sex.
- You both put effort into sex outside the bedroom. This means seducing one another, coming up with ideas for sex and making time for sex, among other things. Looking for ideas? Read all about what makes sexting awesome. Although, there are plenty of other options available to you.
If you’re getting the idea that sexual compatibility can be increased with an open mind, an exploratory spirit and willingness to please your man, then you’re absolutely right!
How to Be More Sexually Compatible
Few people are intensely sexually compatible right from the start. However, you can often become more compatible with your partner over time with a little effort.
1. Try things your man likes or is interested in.
Not only can you exchange this favor to get him to try whatever it is that makes your blood rush, but you may find that you like something unexpected simply because you were open to suggestion. Of course, making your own suggestions is a way to keep your sex life amazing.
Related: 7 Tips for a Sizzling Sex Life
2. Pay Attention to Your Partner
Some people approach sex like they’re reading from a manual. They do the same things no matter who they’re with. But every partner is different, so you’ve got to listen to their requests and pay attention to body language. Then, you have to adjust your style to cater to the person who you’re stripped down with at the moment.
3. Be able to enjoy various types of sex.
This one may actually be harder than it sounds if you’re simply a vanilla person. But if you can enjoy various sexual activities and a range of sex from gentle to rough, it’ll be easier for your sex life to be mutually satisfying.
4. Open up about sex.
Sexual compatibility increases exponentially when you become more open-minded. A conservative or religious upbringing can make this difficult. And you may experience guilt or shame over your sexual urges if you were taught that they were bad.
The good news is, those urges are normal. Sex can be beneficial for your relationship and your own health. In fact, masturbation is good for you. More about that.
Use this knowledge to allow yourself to open up, but take baby steps if you’re feeling unsure. Try adding lingerie, for example. 10 tips for choosing the right lingerie here. Or you can learn how to be more confident when riding your man and surprise him the next time you have sex.
5. Break Out of Your Routine
No matter what you do, don’t get caught up in routine. Have sex in different rooms, locations outside of the house, at different times of the day and in different positions.
This allows you to experiment and find ways in which you’re compatible. It also ensures that you don’t get stuck in a rut doing something that only one of you likes (or that neither of you loves!).
6. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
If you haven’t yet caught on, communication is essential to good sex and being sexually compatible. No one expects you to be a mind reader or a psychic. Feel free to ask your man what he wants and to tell him what he needs to do for you to enjoy yourself.
Taking out the guesswork saves a lot of time or hassle, and you should feel comfortable enough to be direct about most things in your relationship. In fact, you might find that you’re more sexually compatible than you thought just by discussing your issues!
7. Focus on the positive.
Finally, focus on the ways in which you and you man are sexually compatible. Researchers have discovered that individuals who felt they were sexually compatible were more satisfied with their sex lives than those who only had the same turn-ons alone . Interesting how that works!
Although everyone has their own sexual preferences, you can set a precedent for a healthy and steamy sex life by encouraging sexual compatibility between yourself and your partners.
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