Tantric Sex: What, Why, How

Tantric sex. Does the mention of it send shivers down your spine? Perhaps you’re curious just how all those positions work. Or you might be someone who doesn’t really know a lot about Tantric sex at all. Fortunately for you, we’ve got the skinny on Tantric sex.

What Is Tantric Sex, Anyway?

Tantric sex or Tantric sexuality is a philosophy that traces its roots back to ancient India. Tantric sex combines ideologies about tantra, which focuses on awareness of one’s own energy and how that energy interacts with the surrounding world, with sexuality. Through sex, a couple can ascend to a higher plane of awareness and spirituality. In Tantra, sex is considered sacred and not something that’s sinful or something that you should hide or feel guilt about.

Tantric sex has been experiencing a resurgence since the 1960s or so, and many people refer to the modern movement as “neotantra.” In fact, modern implementations of Tantra into sexuality can involve New Age religions. However, some people in Western culture focus on the sexual aspects alone, and many people aren’t even aware that Tantric sex has anything to do with religion or spirituality at all.

Nevertheless, the original ideas about Tantra and sex focus on bringing together opposites — typically a man and woman — to join sexual energy. Tantra teaches that you can combine your energy with that of the world around you through sex. It’s important to incorporate your heart and body, and not just you mind, to have enlightened Tantric sex.

Meditation is important to Tantra, and while Tantric sex may not necessarily involve meditation, entering into a state of heightened awareness can improve orgasm and overall sexual satisfaction. Tantric sex might also be beneficial if you have trouble staying in the here and now, even during sex. Tantric sex, like cuddling, can also give a boost to the intimacy a couple experiences. More on that here.

In particular, applying Tantra to sex helps to prevent the mass exodus of energy from the body after an orgasm or minimize the effects that the sudden loss of energy can have. The idea of energy loss and sexuality is similar to how Taoists view chi, or qi, and Tantric sex might be easier to digest if you’re already familiar with Hinduism or other Eastern philosophies. However, many of the practices in Tantric sex can work hand-in-hand with other belief systems.

Many Westerners confuse Tantric sex with the Kama Sutra, another ancient set of beliefs that teaches about advanced sexual positions. The Kama Sutra and Tantric sex have similar origins, however, because the Kama Sutra is also originally a Hindu idea. But you can explore both to find a variety of techniques and positions to heighten your sexual pleasure. Tantric sex can also help people to break down boundaries and negative feelings they’ve come to associate with sexuality.

How Does Tantric Sex Work?

Tantric sex starts well before sex. By creating an atmosphere and setting the mood, you’ll be able to remain in the moment and remain ultra-aware of your energy. Start by clearing the room from clutter. Add flowers, candles and even fabrics that will set a mood that’s both sensual and tranquil. Tantra encourages you to focus on all your senses, so incorporating lighting, scents, sounds and even temperature into your sexual space will aid your Tantric journey.

Breathing is key in tantra, and you and your man can use breathing to increase your own intimacy. It’s called breathing each other’s breath, and requires you to face your partner while breathing as your partner breathes out. Straddling your partner provides easy access, or you could also lie in bed facing one another.

These positions enable you to keep eye contact with your lover. Too often in Western culture, we close our eyes while having sex. Even if your favorite type of sex is intimate love making, you might find yourself avoiding eye contact, especially during orgasm. However, keeping your eyes locked allows you to remain aware and connected in yet another way. It might be awkward or uncomfortable at first, but keep at it.

If you have trouble remaining in the moment, then the idea of conscious touch can help you to remain grounded. Remain aware of where and how you’re touching your lover rather than going through the motions — literally. It can also help to keep your head in the moment by focusing on what your intent is. Do you want to make him feel good? Are you trying to remain connected? Or does your touch express how much you’re enjoying his lips and tongue on your clit? More on oral sex tips here.

Finally, Tantric sex takes foreplay from a bonus to a necessity. Foreplay has a host of benefits, including making it easier to achieve orgasms and having better orgasms. Some Tantric practitioners even have full-body orgasms! Check out our guide to orgasms.

Because Tantric sex focuses on the journey rather than the destination, it just makes sense to take your time and include plenty of foreplay. It’s also a great way to get out of any bedroom rut you may find yourself in. Trade in those quickies for a sensual experience that isn’t goal oriented, and you might find your sex life is rejuvenated. You may even become someone capable of multiple orgasms!

There’s plenty of room for foreplay and sensual massage in Tantric sex, too. Check out more foreplay tips here.

Getting Down To It: Tantric Sex Positions

While Tantric sex is obviously about more than just the positions, the positions are probably what brought you here. You’ll notice that many of these positions allow you and your man to keep eye contact and breathe each other’s breaths. However, even the positions that have you facing away will allow you to be more aware of your bodies and the connection between you.

The Hot Seat: In this position, your partner kneels and you kneel so that you’re in his lap and your bodies touch as much as possible. Your legs will be between his and he can wrap his arms around your hips or waist or even reach between your legs to rub your clit — tips here.  You’ll control the motion with your own hips. You can move your hips up and down or in a circular motion. Feel free to take a break if this effort is tiring.

Switch it up by sitting on his lap with your legs bent at the knee. This will force your butt backward, like a lap dance, giving him a great view and allowing you to grind it against him. Try the backseat driver position on a sofa.

The Butterfly: This common Tantric sex position requires a piece of flat and low furniture like a table or bed. You’ll lie back and he will grasp you by the butt to lift your hips to his pelvis as he stands. This position is ideal for resting your ankles over his shoulders. In the butterfly position, your back will leave the table, and you can use your arms to brace your body. A pillow under your back or hips can make this more comfortable.

If you close your legs and hold them straight up, you’ll enter the mermaid position, which will make your partner’s penis feel larger.

The Padlock: Leaning on the edge of the counter or a piece of furniture or appliance — washer, anyone? — is the first step to the padlock. Your partner steps between your legs, and you lock them around his waist. Lean back on your arms for leverage and for an awesome view of your partner’s body. This also provides him access to your clit!

The Lotus: Adapt the standard yoga/meditation pose for sex with this move. Your partner sits with legs crossed, and you sit in his lap with your legs wrapped around his waist and cross behind him. You’ll want to rock rather than thrust in this position. Your arms are free to wrap closely around one another, and it’s easy to breathe each other’s breath and make eye contact in this position.

Both of you can ease stress on your joints by keeping your legs a little straighter rather than crossing them. More info on this sex position in this guide.

Check out more sex positions here.

Obviously, Tantric sex isn’t something that will work with someone who you just met in a bar. And if you’re got a busy schedule this week, you might not have the time or even energy to take things slowly to reach the heightened state that Tantric sex promises. However, trying Tantric sex at least once might help you to enjoy sex more, explore your sexuality and strengthen your relationship. Even if it’s not for you, Tantric sex can help move your focus from something that you achieve to something you can experience with your man.