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How many Hollywood flicks show a woman who falls in love with a gay guy? Somehow she has managed to miss all the signs that this man isn’t interest in women. It’s nothing personal, but she’s too smitten. A lot of heartbreak could have been saved if only she knew, and the same goes if you think the guy you like might be gay. By no means does any person have a right to know about another person’s sexuality, but if you’re falling for a man and can’t take off your rose-colored glasses, you might want to consider these signs that indicate he’s gay.
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1. He Resists Woman’s Flirtations
One of the first signs he is gay is that he doesn’t sleep with women or pay attention when women flatter, compliment or directly hit on him. He may downplay attention by changing the subject or simply ignore that attention from women all together.
If there’s a pattern of either behavior, this guy may very well not be interested because he’s interest in men, instead.
Of course, you should remember that he may be in a relationship with a woman that he doesn’t want to disclose, may have a lower-than-average sex drive or may even be socially awkward to the point of missing cues and flubbing opportunities to hook up with women even if those women have read our awesome flirting guide.
2. He Isn’t Attracted to Women
We live in a society where men aren’t typically afraid to express attraction to a member of the opposite sex, especially to other male friends. You might have even had relationships with men who weren’t afraid of pointing out a cute or shapely woman walking down the street.
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It can be fun activity together. However, a man who expresses no attraction to any woman may be gay. There’s a difference between a man who doesn’t vocalize it because he doesn’t want to be rude and a gay man, however. Men might make an effort not to objectify women, but you can still see where their eyes are headed, so pay attention to both actions and words with this one when you’re dressed up sexy.
3. But He Checks Out Other Men
If a straight man can’t help his eye from straying to an attractive woman, then you can usually expect the same from a gay man.
Except he’ll be looking at a man’s ass, smile, arms, chest and maybe even package! These glances may be furtive and hard to catch, or they may be more longing, which is a sure sign that your guy friend is actually into other dudes.
On the other hand, he might just be comparison himself to the competition or admiring an athlete who’s worked hard to get in such good shape! Both men and women can admire a body of the same sex without being gay!
4. He Lets Down His Guard
Sometimes someone raised in the south who has practiced speaking in a more neutral accent lets his roots show when he’s drunk. This can also happen if he’s tired or angry.
For a man who might be gay but who isn’t ready to come out just yet, a similar occurrence might happen. While he spends his waking moments pretending to be straight or even just downplaying his homosexuality, he might not be able to retain control if he’s been drinking or if he’s in need of a nap.
He might spend more time checking out men, flirting with them, touching them or making comments to his friends about another man’s appearance. Or he may be drunk and it means nothing at all!
5. He Overdoes Alpha Male
There are a lot of articles that try to teach you how to tell if a guy is gay that make this point the cornerstone. There is truth to the idea that a man who is struggling with his sexual identity or in denial will act overly macho. He’ll never make physical contact with other men.
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He’ll sleep with dozens or hundreds of women to try to prove his masculinity. He’ll spend time at the bar, watching sports or working out to maintain a muscular figure. It’s unfortunate that homophobia can lead a man to deny his identity and go to these extremes, but it does happen, which is why this is sometimes a sign he is gay.
But it’s not good enough if it’s only one sign. You need to look for other signs he is gay. After all, we live in a society where gender roles are still plenty rigid. Many men fall prey to these stereotypes who are definitely straight.
Look at Jon Hamm’s character Donald Draper in “Mad Men.” He’s just the man’s man, the alpha male, and he’s entirely straight. Look for the difference between a man who is trying too hard and a man who is comfortably masculine and may even like being dominant in the bedroom, but remember that straight men who don’t fall into the alpha role may come off as trying too hard, too!
6. He’s A Homophobe
Here’s another stereotype we wish we could do without! The media will claim any man who is a homophobe is secretly gay. This isn’t always true, but it goes hand in hand with trying to come off as masculine as possible.
Not only might a man distance himself from the physical and personality traits that some people might view as gay, but he’ll distance himself from the entire lifestyle. He might be a married, Christian man with a family who secretly has urges to be with other men but has squashed those urges into the furthest corners of his mind.
The result might look something like an uptight man who’s afraid to hug or even touch other men. One of the signs he is gay might be how quick he is to accused others of being gay or make homophobic jokes. He might be especially afraid that another gay man will hit on him — or worse — even if those fears are completely unfounded. That doesn’t sound like someone who is comfortable with his sexuality.
7. He’s Defensive About Gay Jokes
Another way how to tell if a guy is gay also shows his insecurity with himself and his sexuality. The way that a man reacts when he’s the butt of a gay joke or if someone even implies that he might be gay to get laughs might be a sign he is gay.
Unfortunately, a society that condoms that sort of joking around is one that makes it uncomfortable for people — men and women alike — to come out to their communities.
However, even a friendly gesture between a guy and his friend that implies homosexuality might send a man who is in denial running out of the situation. Typically, a man in this situation wouldn’t be so worried about gay joke’s at another man’s expense, however.
8. He Enjoys Gay Porn
Again, this is one of the signs he is gay that you must take with a grain of salt. You might go hunting through a guy’s Internet history if you want to know how to tell if a guy is gay.
Just remember that plenty of women and straight men also like gay porn, and not everyone wants to do what they see in porn. Just because he’s watching it doesn’t mean it’s a sign he is gay, and you’ve got to be extra careful when it comes to shared computers because you never know who is looking at which pages.
You don’t want to accuse a man of being gay only to find out that his gay cousin has been spending weekends on the couch to avoid the commute from the city! But if gay porn is the only type he likes and you’ve caught him trying to cover it up, this might be a sure sign of his sexuality.
9. He Displays Mysterious Behavior
Sometimes men who are gay try to downplay it and repress their urges entirely, even though it rarely works. Other times, men will have a secret gay lifestyle that they try to keep hidden.
If you notice your guy friend seems to be more romantic than bromantic with another close friend, there might be something going on behind closed doors. Similarly, he may disappear at nights or weekends without no explanation because he’s hooking up with guys. Not every hiking trip means he’s enjoying backdoor fun, but it could be when combined with other signs a guy is gay from this list.
10. He Tells You He’s Gay
The most obvious sign that a guy is gay is last. Coming out isn’t always easy — especially if a person feels forced to do so — and neither is asking someone if they might be gay based upon suspicions that might not mean that much at all.
However, ignorance isn’t always bliss, and sometimes you need to know the answer to that question so you can get on with your life. If you know a man pretty well, you can try to gauge how receptive he will be to this question and word it in a way that won’t irreparably damage your relationship, no matter what that relationship might look like if he comes out to you.
We’ve got a couple tips:
- Ask when you’re alone
- Wait until you know him well enough
- Make sure you’re both emotionally and mentally comfortable
- Do not pressure him into admitting he’s gay if he’s uncomfortable
- Let him know you’ll be supportive no matter what his answer is
Some people might encourage you to ask while either you or your crush has had a little to drink. While one or both of you might forget an awkward conversation, or at least pretend not to remember, this isn’t a good idea if either of you becomes confrontational when drinking.
It’s also not a good idea to pop the question in a game of truth or dare. Plus, you should also remember that not everyone wants to come out and it can be quite rude to inquire about sexual orientation just because you’re curious.
But He Must Be Gay!
Despite the fact that more gay people are coming out of the closet, that they’re professionals and family-oriented and may attend your church or gym, many stereotypes still exist about what it means to be gay.
Unfortunately, this also means that a man (or woman) who displays these stereotypical traits might be mistaken for gay through no fault of his own. A man could display every characteristic on this list up to actually coming out of the closet, but that does not mean he’s actually gay.
Furthermore, you shouldn’t assume that a man is gay just because he has some gay friends. You probably have gay friends, but that doesn’t mean you’re gay. You might have friends who are vegan, but does that mean you have to be, too?
No!
It’s closed-minded to consider that a man must be gay just because he dressed well or pays attention to his hair and beard. And if he has a more effeminate voice? That doesn’t have to be a sign he is gay, either. Voices naturally range in depth. Perhaps yours is typically lower than a man’s but you’re perfectly straight.
It doesn’t even mean your man is gay if he likes pegging — where you fuck his ass with a strapon. Gay and straight men alike can get off from that stimulation, which you should keep in mind if you’re wondering whether a guy is gay. We actually recommend pegging as something every couple should try!
We live in a world where both men and women are becoming more comfortable at resisting gender stereotypes, so telling whether someone is gay or not has become increasingly difficult. Before you claim your gaydar can’t be beat, brush up on some signs that a guy might be gay and don’t forget to look at the entire picture lest you make a fool of yourself and embarrass a potential friend.
Snap judgments about whether a guy is gay can be unfair and harmful to your relationship. And if he does happen to be gay, you might make a new friend and provide a safe place for him to come out!
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i there,
My name is Joey. Im hoping maybe you can answer this for me.
There is this guy I have known for 5 years. Very nice guy. Well we hug when we see each other. Its more of a side shoulder hug, but its a comforting type hug, meaning he`ll do like a genuine slow double pat on my back and/or arm followed by a rub in my back. Mind you, he knows im a gay man but doesn’t mind it if I hug him when I see him. And he is married and slighty older than me with 2 kids.
I want to know does this mean he likes me or not.
Thoughts, opinions
Thank you
Joey
Hes gay judt trust your instance amd nexttime hug him a little tighter
Yes he probably likes you. However, that doesn’t mean he wants to fuck you. You must be an emotional retard to ask such a question. If your’e looking for potential lovers it might be better to look at men who are not married with children. I mean really, do you not see where this might be inappropriate? Having said that, if he cups your ass or feels your package during these hugs then I guess it’s on.
Hi am Meri and I have a question? My boyfriend never married and have some strange things e I ever see in man, him like I am put my fingers inside his ass very deep, has erection only in see me him turn up his ass and ask me to fuck him . Do you think he is gay?
Yea def gay. Mainly because you turned him gay in your mind. Therefore, he’s out sucking d*** and gaining better deep throat skills than you. You might even be able to learn a thing or two from him. See…now you have some common ground, problem solved!
Yes or bi sexual
Hey i was having sex with this guy and i was riding himhe said “fuck me” im not sure if its a perfectly straight normal guy thing?
Sounds pretty normal to me. He probably wanted you to do a little bit more work.
Sounds like he liked you riding him. Wanted more
Hmm this is a tough one…let me turn my Gaydar on:
3
2
1
Got it! Ok so when you’re on top, your vagina actually makes men they were getting f*’d in the arse.
I feel like I’m just stuck in a horrible situation… The father of now my second child is this way. He’s been with men before me had a three some with two guys I recently found out about. Before knowing about this 3 some he wanted to “try something different” to spice things up in bed. Got a decent sized dildo and it was like a women on a man…. He refuses he’s gay but it comes out randomly. I want leave because it depresses me but he says he wants nothing but me and our family…
Typically a 2 man 1 woman 3some the men aren’t sexually involved with each other. It’s generally about the woman’s being filled/fulfilled. As for his desire for Anal play, prostate stimulation it’s just something that feels good. It’s society’s stigmatized views of sexuality and gender roles, preferences that have put labels on what is “gay” or should be considered “normal” or “abnormal” or “kinky” ect. As long as you and your partner are in a committed relationship with each other and trust each other to try new things why label it if it feels good!
So turn him into a sissy
I’ve known this guy for 7months and we kick it 1 a month . His sex is pleasing cause he does everything he doesn’t want me to do nothing. I find it weird am I wrong????
there is this guy I have know for 4years now. whenever we are watching ball if he found out that a man has a big butt he will dick his penis inside the butt. does that mean he is gay
Are you kidding me? I agree with some of this but not all. For starters, I’ve never believed in “sexual orientation” to begin with because that doesn’t describe the person 100% nor do I believe that any one person is strictly attracted to one gender or the other. To me, it’s basically whoever turns you on regardless of gender and the chemistry is right. Yeah I guess you can call that “bisexuality” for people who believe in labels. However, any guy that says that he slept with lots of women is a liar to begin with, and vice versa with women who have slept with a lot of guys. I do agree that society has a huge role in coming up with these labels that people want to classify others in, which is completely degrading to the human race. Bible beaters are the first ones to say that same sex relations are “wrong” based on ancient laws that really doesn’t fit into modern life, and it’s really ashame when you got countries today that will put someone “homosexual/bisexual” in jail or sentence them to death just for liking what they like?! What about the “heterosexuals” in those places? Do they get thrown in jail for having sex with multiple people of the opposite sex? Do they get executed for it? No of course not. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t knock people for how they get their rocks off or if they follow these gawd awful labels that people tend to be classified in, but this societal ridiculousness needs to really be dissolved. In other words, people are people, you have a label since you were first born (your name of course) and nobody should be ashamed of themselves if they like the same gender as them, opposite gender, or both, but I think we can do without the societal labels!
My husband talks to his male friends on the phone for hours text and occasionally voice calls , is he gay ? He likes to fuck me in the ass. His hair is bleached and he dosent like me to touch his ass … he would let me squeeze his cheeks during sex but out of bed he gets really upset when i do it … he also wants me to sit on him while he is in my anus as though im giving him vaginal cowgirl pose.
None of the sounds gay to me. Is there any other reason you think he may be gay?
What about Bisexual Men? They may check a lot of these boxes aside from the first two and the last. You made no mention of us.
I have a male friend who is in track and field sport, and récently he became a model and is taking alot of pictures for his instagram profile. Since then, he started to follow on social media alot of male models and like their pictures alot (augusta_alexander ; @boysdontcryproject ; @smiggi AND SO ON) , who have extremely provocative men pictures- for example almost naked men, in narrow clothes, wet, in small underwear etc… Alot of my gay friends follow the same pages as well. We used to be friends before that and he really gives me a gay vibe even tho he didn’t admit it. I also caught him watching some naked men in a locker room for a second. Im more of a slim fit guy and he didn’t mention anything about liking me, so he probably has a type… Is it worthy to heal the friendship and try to hook up with him ?
I’ve been with a guy for about seven years off and on. He likes to watch bi porn and to have me peg him and use toys on his ass frequently. We have had the MMF threesome. I know he was molested as a child too and he wonders if that made him like the gay porn/bi sex/she-male videos. We rarely kiss anymore and I feel like his sidekick or something. Because of that feeling I haven’t wanted to move forward in buying a home or getting married. I want to be with him but I can’t help but wonder if he uses me and my openness in sexuality and really doesn’t love me. I feel something missing and wish I knew if he was truly gay or bisexual most definitely. He’s handsome and also a bit of a narcissist. Oh yeah when I get on top his dick does not stay hard but he’ll fuck my ass if I let him. He does have ED so it’s hard for me to tell. I know too much info but that’s the way it is. Sexuality has always been interesting to me and I feel he may have preyed on that.
Sounds like you need to have a sit down with him and let him know your concerns.
Me and my bf been together for 2 years and he watches tranny porn and says it’s because he was molested as a kid but I’ve never done any anal play on him we’ve done anal abt 3/4 times but idk what to do rn we lost our place and he’s living with this dude he use to sell weed to and I found out that the dude he is staying with is bisexual and my Bc told me he tried to flirt with him idk if my bf is gay or bi I have a bad feeling I don’t like his roommate
hy I been seeing this guys for about 4months now and everyone keep on saying he’s gay
and Iwant to ask him I don’t know how
You’re right, it’s a tricky subject to broach. What makes you think he’s gay?
So I’ve been with this man for 2 years. In the beginning the sex was good and his dick would always big hard with no problems. As time went on I’ve noticed a lot of weird vibes with him. One he does touch or suck pussy, I asked to give him a blow job and he said no pushed me away. Every time I try to have sex with him he pushes me away. He only wants it when he wants it. He’s always going to the bathroom and I notice his dick is kinda hard. I can get out the shower and he try’s not to look at me. I will lay there and rub his dick and it will be hard as a rock but the minute he puts it in it starts to get soft. He will go to sleep with me rubbing his dick and not have the feeling to do nothing. When there’s a lot of people around and I try to hold him he pushes me away. In the beginning of the relationship he was a heavy drinker and work get so drunk saying get your finger away for my butt and laugh. If I say anything about him liking guys sexually he blows the fuck up. So can someone please help me with this so I don’t have to feel like I’m going nuts thinking he’s gay and I’m being used a cover up.
From your description, it doesn’t really sound like he’s gay. Even when he avoids looking at you getting out of the shower may be him thinking he’s being chivalrous. The only way to know though is to ask him…of course, this can be a crushing question for a guy though.
I have been with this guy for 2 years now,he tried penetrating me when we met and he went soft and we never tried again,he likes being humiliated and dominated in bed,he likes me on top in control during sex,he likes to play and wants me wearing al kind of sexy outfits ,he is a foot fetish lover and likes being stepped on bit after all these tjings je never make any effort to penetrate me,i asked him.and he said he has law sex drive,my point is why doesn’t he want to fuck me i tried getting on top and fucking him but when his dick went inside it went soft. For two years we have not had penetrative sex ever.he says he likes dominant and powerful women so why cant he fuck me when am being all bosy,no penetrative sex for two years but je will give me oral till i come ,he likes eating me out and face sitting is his main thing.last week he said he with he was gay as women are to much different to deal with i toldnhim why he things that.am.very confused and i want to leave him but i love him .but am also confused is he gay ,ia he a foot fetish and don’t like sex ?
Hi Peer,
Honestly, it’s hard to tell what his situation is…He could be gay? Confused? Bisexual? Feel multiple things, but is ultimately telling the truth?
Remember, sex is a spectrum, it’s not black and white, gay or straight, etc.
I recently married and I have asked my husband if he’s gay or bi-sexual but he rules it out. I guess I kinda asked a lot and he normally gets really aggressive with me to say he’s not or try to cry. I have stopped doing that but I noticed he likes when I squeeze his ass and when I let him suck my finger or try to finger is ass( he gets really hard) but still rejects my claim.
why would sucking your fingers or enjoying it when you squeeze his ass make him gay?
Hello, my name is Mar and I’ve known this man for a year now, I did get a weird vibe from him when we met. He once made a threesome joke Instead of laughing I got angry which made him get aggressive with his words. Then some months later he made homophobic jokes and got defensive when the jokes were made back on him, he’d say over and over again that he wasn’t “gay and not to play with him like that its not funny” and those who have made the joke would sometimes apologize and sometimes not he’s cheated on me with a girl once but he’s always around them also. He hangs out with a few men and told me he has a stud friend I don’t know what to make of it but suddenly I just woke up this very morning with all kind of red flags about him, because it’s exactly how he was… and not to mention he has slipped up with saying gay things to me before .