If you’re finding that you have jealous feelings when your partner spends time with others, or when you think about the women he used to date, you might be wondering how to deal with this jealousy, so you can have a strong, healthy relationship, without the worrying.
It’s not always easy to let go of jealousy, though. It’s a normal human emotion, and everyone experiences it at some point in their life.
That means your partner has felt some jealousy, too. By acknowledging jealousy and knowing how to deal with it in a healthy way, you can be much more likely to get past jealous feelings and keep your relationship moving forward. In order to do that the right way, there are a number of different things you can do, depending on the situation you find yourself in and the strength of the feelings you’re having.
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Where Jealousy Comes From
Jealousy often arises from simple misunderstandings between two people, especially when they’re dating and still getting to know each other.
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Dealing with jealousy doesn’t always feel simple or easy, though, and can be a struggle because of previous infidelity on your partner’s part, current infidelity on your part, personal insecurities, casual flirting, or a host of other factors. So many different things can cause you to feel jealous.
If there are problems in the relationship, either real or perceived, these can be magnified greatly if jealousy comes into play.
That can take a situation that wasn’t that serious, and send it into something completely out of hand. It’s important to stop that before it gets started. You don’t want to fight over small things, and have them turn into big things that could damage or even end your relationship. If you learn how to keep your jealousy in check, though, you won’t have that worry anymore.
Choosing the Right Guy
One of the best things you can do when dealing with jealous feelings is not put yourself in a situation where you might have them.
The first step in doing that is choosing the right guy for you. This guide on making him fall in love with you along with this one will help you snag him. If you find a man who’s open and honest with you, and who doesn’t give you any reason to feel jealous, you won’t have as many concerns to get through. If you do have jealous feelings, they won’t be as intense or last as long.
That can make a big difference in your relationship and in the way you feel about your man.
It can also help the way you feel about yourself, since you won’t spend time second-guessing your guy’s intentions and fighting low self-esteem. A lot of people get jealous because, deep down, they don’t feel they can completely trust their partner. By choosing the right guy, you’ll have the level of trust you need to build a strong, solid relationship.
Avoiding Bad Situations
Another way you can get a handle on how to deal with jealousy is to avoid situations where you might end up getting jealous.
If you don’t like other women coming up to your man, or don’t want him to casually flirt, avoiding places like bars and dance clubs can be an excellent choice. Those kinds of places just have more opportunity for problems, especially if alcohol is involved. Controlling jealousy can mean staying out of any situation where you could feel insecure and uncomfortable. It’s sort of like the no contact rule, but for bars!
There are still plenty of other places where you can have fun together, and where you’ll feel safe and secure.
You might also want to stay away from places where you know your man’s ex-girlfriends spend a lot of time, so you don’t have to struggle with insecurity and jealous issues in a situation where you’re not really comfortable.
Sometimes those kinds of things can’t be avoided, but steering clear of them whenever possible can make things a lot easier for you.
Being Jealous Means Being Emotional
Jealousy is an emotion (duh!), but that doesn’t mean you have to get overly emotional when you’re experiencing it.
Keep in mind that being jealous can mean you’re not as logical in that particular moment, and you might say or do something you don’t really mean. You’ll want to stop and take a breath before you say something out of jealousy, anger, or frustration. Don’t end up with regrets because you let a moment of jealousy run away with you.
It’s much easier for you to focus on whether the issue is really worth getting upset about, and whether there is something else you could do instead of becoming jealous. If you get angry and upset, you might end up feeling silly later, or even trying to apologize.
Dealing with jealousy can be hard, but you can do it if you remember to take time to think about the problem, instead of just reacting to it when you’re already jealous and upset. Most things look different after you’ve thought about them for a while, and that can help you approach any problems the right way.
Communication With Your Man is Important
When dealing with jealous feelings, you want to be able to communicate with your man and talk about any fears you might have. Talking things out can help you feel safer and more secure in the relationship, no matter what else is going on around you.
It can also let your guy know that you really care for him, and that you don’t want to share his affection with anyone else.
Unless you get really crazy with your jealousy, being a little jealous isn’t a bad thing. It’s a sure-fire way to show your man he’s very important to you. He’ll see that you want only him, and that’s not a bad thing.
Just be sure to focus on open and honest communication.
That way you can address any insecurities you have about your relationship. You can also talk through any actions or statements that may have upset you or made you uncomfortable.
If you try to ignore your jealousy, it’s only going to get worse. That could lead to fights and disagreements with your man. With the right level of communication, though, you can avoid all of that, so you won’t have to worry about jealousy related problems in your relationship.
Don’t be Afraid to Confront Other Women
While you don’t want to be the girl who’s always yelling at other women to get away from her man, you can certainly speak up if another woman is clearly disrespecting you. It’s not necessary to be a doormat, and a little bit of jealousy can help you stand up for your rights and defend yourself and your relationship.
While your man should be shutting down any woman who’s making an effort to get his interest, some women don’t give up that easily. They may not take your man seriously, which could lead them to continue trying to get his attention.
It may be necessary to let another woman know that your man is there with you, and that you’re not interested in sharing him.
Naturally, it’s nicer when you don’t have to do that, but sometimes that’s not the case.
Other people may not realize that you and your man are really committed to one another. They also may not care, and think that your man can be “stolen” from you with the right words or promises and that they can be the other woman (more on that here) It’s not something you want to deal with, but using that little bit of jealousy to help spark you into making your point may be necessary.
Your Own Insecurities Need to be Addressed
Sometimes, jealousy is about your own insecurities.
I know that may have hurt, but it can be true!
If you’ve been cheated on in the past, or you haven’t been treated right by a man you’ve dated before, you might feel like you can’t really trust your current partner. While that’s understandable when dealing with jealousy, you can’t blame your current guy for a past guy’s mistakes.
It’s not fair to him, and it could also harm your relationship. Instead of letting that become a problem, you’ll want to work on the reasons why you feel insecure in the new relationship.
Then you can focus on having a great time with your new man, and you won’t spend that time worrying about whether he’s going to be faithful or whether you’re “good enough” for him. Being able to put those kinds of things aside can really go a long way when you’re wondering how to deal with jealousy. It can take time to get past your jealous feelings, but if you continue to work on your insecurities you can conquer them.
You’ll feel a lot better once you’ve let all of that jealousy go.
Dealing with jealous feelings can definitely be complicated, and can bring up issues in the present and from the past.
There are a number of frustrations that arise with jealousy, too, but they are all curable and can be gotten past with the right work and effort. That’s the good news when you’re dealing with something like jealousy. It’s a feeling, and an emotion. It isn’t “real” in a sense, and is based only on your perception of it.
In other words, when you allow yourself to be jealous, you can struggle with things that otherwise wouldn’t bother you. Being open to thinking about things differently can help you avoid jealousy altogether, and find ways to communicate with your man that will work well for both of you. Then your relationship will be stronger, and the level of jealousy you experience will stay normal and realistic.
There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of jealousy in a relationship, as long as it’s kept in check.
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