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Susan submitted this incredible story of how she learned to ride her man with perfect confidence and details all the techniques she used that you can use to.
I submitted this story to the Bad Girls Bible to show you how to ride your man without feeling nervous or scared. When you’re finished, you’ll be surprised at just how easy (& satisfying) is it is! You’re going to learn the same tips, tricks, positions and ideas I used to make the girl on top sex position my favorite.
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It all started when I began dating my current flame, David. I met him at a Halloween party last year. I didn’t actually want to go to the party, as I was stressed beyond belief with a work project, but alas, my friends coerced, cajoled and begged me to go. So, without much time to get ready, my costume was very last minute. I was still in my red blouse and skirt from work, so I slipped into a pair of black stilettos, and voila…I instantly became a ‘sexy secretary’…sort of.
And that’s how we met. We had been making eye contact throughout the night and when he finally broke the ice, he did it by teasing me in front of my friends, pretending I was his personal secretary,
“You’re my new secretary, right? You better not be like the last one, she barely lasted a week.”
I immediately blushed and smiled at the same time as he stared at me with his deep blue eyes and a cheeky smirk on his face.
From there, we went on a few dates and eventually started to get ‘serious,’ as they say. There were so many things that drew me to David: He was funny, he was confident but not arrogant and had all the right moves in the bedroom.
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A Problem
There was only one problem…I wasn’t nearly as sexually experienced as he was.
I almost felt inadequate.
Whenever we were intimate I let him dictate the pace and take control. I was a very happy passenger…but I suspected that David was mistaking my timidness for lack of interest. Things came to ahead one Friday night when we were having sex. He asked me to get on top and I straight up refused. Not because I didn’t want to pleasure him, but I was terrified.
I felt so much pressure to perform in the girl on top position, to have his eyes watching me and to take control.
I could see David’s frustration on his face. We stopped having sex, and he grabbed his phone.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to do on top,” I said as he stared at his phone.
Getting Back On Top Of Things
I was so frustrated and annoyed with what happened that I decided to do everything in my power to figure out how to ride him confidently, so I never had to experience that awkwardness ever again.
Being a constant list maker, I decided to write out everything that makes me feel nervous about being on top during sex so I could address each problem systematically. Here’s what I came up with:
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- I feel pressure to perform when I’m on top.
- I’m not that experienced, and I don’t know what to do! Should I move back and forth or up and down or something else?!
- I get the feeling that he is watching me too intensely when I’m in the girl on top sex position.
- I’m not 100% confident with my body, so having his eyes on me makes it feel like he’s judging me (as silly as that sounds!).
- I can’t tell what he likes when I’m riding him.
- I’m submissive in the bedroom, so I don’t particularly like being in control. Tips on being more sexually dominant here .
I then decided to address each problem individually until I had fixed everything. Here they are:
(if you don’t have any of these issues, feel free to skip down to the positions and techniques part)
Less Pressure & Instant Confidence
The easiest problem for me to fix was performance pressure, the feeling that he might be judging me when I was on top. Here are the steps I took to boost my confidence:
Talk To Your Man – This may be the most obvious and boring piece of advice I give you BUT it’s also the best. Without proper communication and talking to my man, I would never have discovered what he loves in the bedroom and what he hates. While he adores Cowgirl position when I’m on top, he doesn’t love every position.
Without talking to him about this, I would have ended up guessing and hoping I was doing the right positions, which would have wasted a lot of time. The other great thing about talking to your man, is that he’ll learn what you like and enjoy during sex.
The most interesting thing that I discovered from talking to him was that he got turned on when he saw me get off. I never knew that guys love seeing their girl get off!
Read more sexual communication tips here.
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Lights Off – This is so easy. Whenever we had sex, I made sure to turn the lights off. This way I never felt like his eyes were judging me.
A Drink Or Two – Having one or two drinks before sex is the perfect way to boost your confidence and lower your inhibitions. If you’re a bit of a lightweight like me, then make sure you don’t drink too much!
Lingerie – My guy loves lingerie and so do most other guys! The other great thing is that lingerie can help to distract your man’s attention from practically any body part you aren’t 100% confident about. Make sure to check out this guide on choosing the right lingerie for more tips.
The Blindfold – Using a blindfold on your man is another option if you don’t want to turn off the lights. I wasn’t feeling particularly confident about asking him if he wanted to try it out, so I waited until we had a few drinks and then suggested it. He was very keen and I used an eye mask which worked really well!
Eye Contact – This is the part that really scared me. Now, I’m not afraid of eye contact or anything silly like that, but during sex, when I’m riding him, sometimes it can feel too intense. It’s almost like being on top makes me the ‘dominant’ partner. But, when we’re in the missionary position, it’s slightly easier to make eye contact because he’s on top.
Anyway, I realized that you don’t have to worry about eye contact too much when you’re on top. You can look elsewhere or just close your eyes. I know it sounds funny, but it really is that easy.
If you happen to have a mirror close by, I’d recommend using it during sex, watching yourself and your man is a LOT of fun!
Don’t Forget To Laugh! – When I started learning how to ride my man confidently, I was so caught up with trying to do everything ‘right’ that I totally forgot that sex was supposed to be fun!
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Instead of focusing on enjoying myself, I was overthinking everything which severely diminished my pleasure. Once I learned to relax and laugh and giggle when he slipped out or when I fell backwards, everything became a lot easier. So, if you are always worrying and fretting about making sure you have the ‘correct technique’ and aren’t focused on enjoying yourself, then sex is going to become a chore.
The Techniques For How To Ride Your Man
At the same time I was figuring out how to address all those little problems I just talked about, I was also learning techniques I could be using when riding him to make being on top easier AND to increase my pleasure (and his too).
Lying On Top
The first position I learned was lying on top of him. It’s called the Man Missionary position as it’s sort of like the Missionary position but with him lying on his back.
In this position, I didn’t have to worry about him staring at me as he couldn’t see me. I was also still on my knees which meant that he could still do most of the work by thrusting in an out.
Once I got comfortable in this position, I started trying out more positions. Here are 13 more sex positions where you are on top of your man.
Back & Forward aka Grinding
As I started to get more and more comfortable being on top, I started to try more techniques. The first was grinding back and forward on him. Here’s how I did it.
- While he is deep inside me, I sat right down on him.
- I then pushed myself forwards and backward on his penis while keeping him deep in me.
- As I did this, I was grinding my clit on his pubic bone. Learn more clitoral stimulation techniques here.
- I could change the speed and intensity, by resting more or less weight on him.
Overtime I discovered exactly what to do in this position to get maximum enjoyment FOR ME. What I’m trying to say is that this position isn’t so much about your man’s enjoyment, it’s about your enjoyment. So, if you need clitoral stimulation during sex to get off, then make sure to grind forwards and backwards on your man
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Up & Down
Moving up and down on his dick was the other main technique I learned. While this movement tires out your legs quickly, seeing the look on my man’s face makes it worth it.
Bouncing up and down on him is easiest when you are on your knees in the Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl positions. You need to move your body up and down; that’s it. Of course, there’s a million tiny variations I tried so that I can last longer before my legs are exhausted by leaning forwards or backward on him.
- I tried using my hips mostly to bounce up and down.
- I then tried using only my legs to move me up and down.
- I leaned far backward, putting my arms behind me on the bed to support myself and used a combination of my legs and back.
- I then leaned forward resting on my elbows, so I was using mostly my abs to bounce up and down on him.
Speaking of elbows and arms, you may be wondering what to do with yours when you’re on top…
What I Do With My Hands
When I first started figuring out how to confidently ride my man, I was always a bit concerned with my hands and arms. As I was a bit nervous, I wasn’t sure what I should do with them. I certainly didn’t want to cross my arms, that would have been weird, so I made a list of things I could do, that you should keep in mind if it’s something you are worrying about.
- I could lean back and put my arms behind myself resting my hands on the bed or his legs.
- I could lean forward slightly, resting my hands on his chest, shoulders, or the bed.
- I could lean further forward, resting my body on top of his and partly on my elbows/forearms.
- As I got more confident riding my man, I would put on a show for him, grinding on him and massaging my breasts as I did.
Get Him To Do The Work
Over time, my confidence kept on increasing, and I felt comfortable trying new things when I was on top. One night, while we were fooling around, I decided that he could do all the work when I was on top.
When I was performing Cowgirl I raised myself slightly off the bed, keeping about an inch of him still inside me and got him to start thrusting into me. It wasn’t a mind-blowing experience, but it felt great to change things up and have him do all the work.
Finding Your Rhythm
I noticed that when my man was thrusting while I was on top grinding on him at the same time, things usually got a little out of sync as we were both doing slightly different motions, which meant it was sometimes hard to find a rhythm and build towards orgasm.
From talking to friends, I noticed that this is pretty typical and that talking to your man and doing some experimentation is the only way to learn how to get into a pleasurable rhythm when I was on top.
Notes From Friends
As I talked more with my friends about their experiences with having sex while riding their man, I noticed that my friends who were most confident in the girl on top sex position, never felt forced or coerced into doing it.
My friends who had boyfriends or husbands that made a big deal out of it, tried to guilt them into doing it or were guys that were who were just plain selfish in the bedroom were not very confident about it at all. It was if all the pressure from their men was building it up into too much of a ‘big deal’ in their heads which ultimately made it even HARDER to actually do for them.
So, my advice for you, if your man is pushing for you to be on top all the time, is to talk to him and let him know that the harder he pushes for it, the more difficult it’s going to be for you and the less you’re going to enjoy it.
The Best Girl On Top Sex Positions
Cowgirl – I feel like the ‘standard’ girl on top sex position for riding your man is Cowgirl as demonstrated in the above illustration. It’s simple and straightforward, you just sit down on your man’s penis and rest your weight on your knees.
Man Missionary – Perhaps even easier is the Man Missionary position. It’s like a variation of Cowgirl where you just need to lean forward and rest yourself on top of your man and your elbows/forearms.
Asian Cowgirl – If you want your man to thrust up into you when you’re riding him, then try using the Asian Cowgirl position. You simply need to squat down onto your man and stay in position. You can then place your hands on his legs to help support yourself. If you want to lean forward, you can rest your hands on his chest or the bed. This is called the Fast Fuck position.
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Reverse Cowgirl – Reverse Cowgirl is exactly as it sounds, you’re going to be performing the regular cowgirl position on your man, but in reverse. So, you’ll be facing his feet instead of his face for this one. I really enjoyed this position when I first began learning how to ride my man as I didn’t have to worry about eye contact.
Crab – As your confidence builds with your man, I highly recommend the Crab position, especially if you like the idea of putting on a show for him. Sit down in your man’s lap with your feet either side of his shoulders and lean back, placing your hands on his legs to support yourself like in the illustration above.
You can learn 13 more girl on top sex positions here.
You And Him
I hope my story of how I learned how to ride my man has been helpful and you can take some of my ideas and use them to become more confident in bed with your man. The final thing that I feel is very important when it comes to riding your man is figuring out:
Why are you doing this?
Are you learning how to ride your man just to please him, but aren’t getting anything out of it yourself? Or are you doing it because you want to learn new ways to please both yourself AND your man?
If you are just doing it for your man, but don’t get any enjoyment out of it yourself, then you may be in a relationship that is one-sided. Healthy relationships are all about balance and compromise, so if you do everything just to please your man, but he’s not putting in an equal share of the effort, then you may be in a relationship that needs re-examining.
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And best of all, you don’t need to do anything weird or uncomfortable to start having the best orgasms and sex of your life.
I have learned so much from you and do things l thought I’d could never do. Thank you for making me a stronger, sexier woman.
Thank you so much
thank uw so much
I cant get an Orgasm How do you achieve one are you supposed to be pushing down when you’re on top of him
Try making sure that you are getting lots of contact with your clit on his pubic bone.
We use a wedge underneath his hips which gets him much closer to have an awesome squirting orgasm! Find what feels good and stick with it.
Most of the times I prefer my boyfriend being dominant so there are times he would let me know he wants me on top one way or other but I had lack confidence one day he said to me I master riding him now most times all he wants is for me to be on him and taking control. I love pleasing him but I also love him in control wen it to sex
I’ve tried these positions before even though I didn’t know the names, and my man loved I so much that he always wants me to be on top.
Whenever I ride my boyfriend like this, I can’t sit up straight because it hurts and it feels like his penis is about to pierce through something. Is there a way around this? because he likes me to sit up straight on top of him and he likes to thrust heavily in that position, too. He knows how it feels for me and now he does it slow and soft but i wish I could give him the pleasure he wants when I sit up straight. It also happens in doggy style so I was wondering if there really is a way around this?
It sounds like you need to find variations of these positions where he doesn’t penetrate you so deeply. The sex positions guide will help.
I’ve learned if I’m on top and that happens I kinda put my hands behind me on his waist so it kinda blocks it from going in to deep
when ever I ride my boyfriend he is the dominate one when ride him I do not know how to break him to say my name by saying im the dominate one
Thank you so much Sean, now my boyfriend is obsessed with me being on top, we even start with me on top now, which has never happened before
Hi I have a problem of net getting wet enough when we have foreplay or sex. Is there something I can do.
It doesn’t sound like a major problem, just try using some lube.
Uber lube and spit is best. I had same issue but it was hormonal related as I had total hysterectomy at age 27. It still takes a lot of work at times.
I love my Fiancee deeply penetrating me to the point it hurts. But it’s not so deep in the spooning and sporking positions and that’s the only positions we can do at the moment considering we live at his grandmas house. If there’s anymore discreet sex positions please let me know.
check out the Sex Positions Guide for over 100 more positions!
I can’t orgasm no matter how bra it feels amd I don’t know why
Try this article for some help.
I’m more scared to do this because I weigh more than my fiance and don’t want to hurt him in the process of trying something fun and different. I have tried a few times but i always found my weight an issue because I would be putting most of my weight on my arms which tired me out even more. Or my arms would just hurt the whole time. I don’t know what to do to or how to position myself for this.
Try resting on your elbows.
This is probably the first of anything I’ve read that has actually made sense to me! I can definitely relate to the person who submitted the question & have similar “concerns”. I signed up for the newsletter, I’m already creating a game plan to rectify the “girl on top” situation & you have a new follower! Thank you sooooo much!! ????????
My man cheated on me because of this. He makes me feel like am a waste he hardly touches me.
I just read this article, and can’t wait to try these positions out, talking during sex is not a problem for us, but I always found it embarrassing to raise my inability to move when on top, I just say I’m tired and ask him to be in control. I thought I was the only one with this problem. thank you so much for putting me at ease.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months now . And i haven’t had sex in a long time. So i don’t know if i can get back at it ? How do i surprise him
The best sex I had on top was in the back seat of my van. I edged him twice and then we both came together. Sex in a vehicle is not the most ideal place but it is a very good place for the woman to be on top because you can straddle the man and be able to hold yourself up with your legs. It can be a little cramped though especially when your head hits the ceiling.
My husband is huge. 11 inches and i am not experienced like he is. I dont know how to ride it and pretty much no matter what position we are doing it hurts really bad. I want him to be happy but he gets frustrated because it hurts me. I tried uaing a vibrator on my clit but it pisses him off even though it helps with the pain. I dont know what to do i feel so inadequate and I just want to please him.
It’s not your fault Krys! Remember that you also need to feel pleasure during sex too. Try talking to him and figure out what you can BOTH do so that you both get off.
Trying to be on top is becoming very disappointing and frustrating. I’m no barbie, I am chubby/heavyset and not thin nor am I huge. He’s heavier in weight & has a wider waist area making it harder to get on top. Having to try to open my legs and to try to balance myself in order to get some kind of rhythm is hard/uncomfortable. Worst than that he is smaller not very well endowed..but even worse than that I believe he has an erection dysfunction. Lately he has been asking me to get on top and I try but feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and he keeps slipping out part cuz of my not being able to stay balanced, he isn’t staying fully hard, his size makes it hard to move without slipping out. I want to please him and will try whatever to please him but I want to enjoy it too. But its like worthless effort and i feel like a failure at it. I also get discouraged and feel as if I’m not good at going down on him when I knoew I used to be good. He is the 1st person Ive been with in over 3 yrs. He dorsn’t make any type of moan or sounds during sex, regardless who is on top, nor does he show or make sounds of pleasure when I go down on him. Makes me not even want to be with him sexual. I’ve never been with a man who doesn’t express he’s getting pleasure by the sounds he makes. This is starting to feel more like a chore. Yet I love him and want to try to please him..only I’m getting more & more sexually dissatisfied and losing interest in sex with him.
I just started dating after 14 years of being in a relationship with this guy. So I have a new boyfriend, but how do I tell my new lover he sometimes leaves me unsatisfied. I was very comfortable with my ex I’m comfortable with the new guy just not sex wise please some advice.
Unfortunately guys often have fragile egos, so being super direct may hurt him…but you still need to be satisfied! So, my advice is to encourage him to do the things you do like and enjoy. Ask him to do more of what he’s doing right.
And if he’s doing nothing right, then show him what you enjoy.
I love the artistic colors you use for hair! It makes the images pop out nicely!
I’ve watched any and every porn to learn how to ride I’ve googled countless advice on how to…a few men throughout the years have tried teaching me and I still don’t understand how to do it ? it makes you feel like you’re not a woman or you’re pathetic because you don’t know how or can’t learn how to ride…I literally cry over it …should I just quit trying and save myself more embarrassment??
Keep trying!
I honestly dont think im any good at riding my bf
Dick but he always wants me on top does that
Mean im doing something right?
Sounds like it, but ultimately he will be the one with the answer to that question, so it’s probably best to ask him.
MY BOYFRIEND CANT MAKE ME CUM FOR NOTHING IN THIS WORLD…
Can you make yourself cum by masturbation? If so, then you can advise him on what will make you cum, normally he will have to improve his cungalingus skills
Honestly same, i ended up having to break up with him over it
My man loves when I’m on top. My issue is when I’m on top I really can’t tell how to move my hips. I got the bouncing up n down but to exhausting.I love the reverse cowgirl but don’t know how to pull off the moves. Please help. I’m hearing to ride him like he’s never been rode. We have always had powerful chemistry in our sex life, only issue is I wanna ride that thang and be great. We’ve got 24 years together n its still mindblowing except for my not knowing how to ride good.please help me.
Check out the woman on top guide for more positions and ideas.
I was in your situation, after 7 years of relationship he still couldn’t make me cum. I didn’t even getting wet. I thought its something wrong with me .. We broke up . Now i am having someone else, and i can say that i am cumin alot with him. I get so so wet and horny. I just love sex with him..
Last time i tried to ride my man i got so frustrated .. I just couldn’t do it.. He didn’t mind and then he took control, but i really want to do it properly. Like you said , i am not 100% confident with my body , so i feel very awkward..
Right now we are far away from each other , as i come to visit my homeland. We discussed alot about this and he wants to teach me how to do it, but i am so nervous. I feel like i will die .. Anyway , your post helped me alot!! .
I feel like if you are with the right fella for you, there wont be so much pressure or awkwardness. The right fella for you will only want you in any position if it feels good for you too and makes you comfortable. To the ladies having problems reaching orgasm. I am 32. I had my first orgasm during sex at 30. I was also on top I may add. My husband pushed me back and forth instead of up and down. That was my first orgasm I hadn’t done myself. I think for most women, it mainly happens a little later in life. Not 15 or 16 or 23. I think the reason for this is many, mainly being women are so conscious and not comfortable in their own skin yet and you must be relaxed and comfortable and free of anything in your head to cum. I think at a younger age we just aren’t comfortable enough to really let go. And your partner is a huge part of it. The right fella won’t make you feel you have to be in a certain position, the right one will just want it to feel good for you and will help ease your nervousness. Not add to it. I think some of you should maybe take a look at the gentleman you’re with.
Okay so my man loves the girl on top positions but I have no confidence in myself to get it right. I feel like I sort of know what I’m doing but other times I feel theres no hope. I can be confident and everything and I know how to position myself, but how would I go about thrusting myself on him? Like in cowgirl I go to high and he slips out but in man missionary this happens to. I just want do be able to successfully grind on him and satisfy myself at the same time so what should I do to fix that?
Experiment, talk and experiment some more. There is no “one magic position”. Everybody responds to different things, so you’ll need to discover this yourself while following the advice in the guide above.
My fiance likes me on top but the problem we have run into is that I am 4’10 and he is 6’3 and so things can be awkward. Help
The woman on top position guide should help with this.
Lol thanks for this, climbed on top of my boyfriend to be sexy and the bed broke ?
Your experience is similar to mine. I completely was so shy cause of his experience and mine being so little but now it’s working out perfectly well with communication
I’m a professional bellydancer. Everything a bellydancer can do standing up, she can do on her knees. I love being on top. I drive guys crazy. I circle my hips in big circles, then in little pelvic circles. My inner muscles contract and relax giving his cock a massage. I do figure 8’s both side to side or front to back. Watch some youtube videos with basic bellydance moves, then try them when you are on top. I don’t come when I’m doing these moves, but they are a great way to start off. I usually get comments like “What are you doing? It’s amazing.”
I’ve been happily married for 20 years. I just discovered your website and I’ve realized my husband has taken really good care of me. I’ve upped my bj game but when we have sex I always come repeatedly then “bliss out” and keep coming which is great, but I have no legs. I’m an eyes rolled back hum- moaning dead starfish. I don’t really want to quit coming. Any tips for ladies to find their strength while being “ killed softly”. I feel paralyzed in a good way but I just can’t do anything. He hasn’t complained ever, about anything. But until last week I probably had only given him like 10 bjs to completion. It’s 5 so far this week. He just doesn’t complain. Again I just wanna return all the favors.
Talk to him. Pleasuring you may be his bliss. Maybe he wants more blow jobs, by maybe he’s fine with rarely receiving them. You need to talk to him and find out.
I have a problem with getting “too wet” it’s hard for him to stay hard and it’s hard for me to move much. I’ve never experienced this with anyone else because I’ve never been so sexually attracted to someone before. Is there someone I can do to become less wet? We’ve tried no foreplay before. It doesn’t help.
Sounds like a tough one…Can you turn him into a slob so he’s less attractive? Drink less fluids? Anal with lube? Honestly, I’m not sure here. If you stumble on a solution please share it with everyone
Thanks
Btw what are the best condoms to be used
I want to learn how to ride cock. For my husband but I’m more the submissive woman. It turns me own so much. For him to just take me. For me to belong to him.
I have a problem with low self esteem, low sex drive, and no matter what we do I hardly ever get off even when we stimulate my clit.
Firstly,my partner always want me to ride on him
But always scared because ,I feel I would be injured.
What can I do to that ?
I am 63yrs old & a big girl (230). My man weighs about 191. He is also 63 & has no problems with erections. His cock is 6 inches. I like being on top but lately I have been having issues with getting his cock inside of me when I’m on top. So I give up after trying a couple of times & we end up in the doggy style position which I happily enjoy as well. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Can you guide him inside you? Is there anything else preventing him from penetrating you?