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“Don’t fall into a routine.” “DON’T fall into a routine!”
It’s something I never stop saying…but it keeps happening to so many couples.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
You may even find that you and your man have fallen into a routine when it comes to foreplay.To avoid this, I am giving you 22 powerful foreplay techniques, tips, ideas, and games so that foreplay never becomes routine for you or your man.
Foreplay Podcast
Before we jump in, you may want listen to my recent podcast on doing foreplay the right way. The foreplay techniques that you’ll learn in this podcast will help you to build a fire of intense passion within your man and make sex a lot more enjoyable for both of you.
Listen to more Bad Girls Bible podcast episodes here
1. Mental Foreplay AKA Building Sexual Tension
I like to call the build up to physical foreplay ‘Mental Foreplay,’ but most people just call it building sexual tension. Sexual tension is where you are teasing and tempting your man of what treats and sexy fun he’s going to enjoy later. There are a number of very easy and quick ways to put this foreplay tip into action.
Start With A Goodbye – The next time you are saying goodbye to your man, tell him that you will have a big surprise for him the next time you see him and say it with a sly grin on your face so he knows it’s something naughty.
If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
You could say this in the morning when he’s leaving for work and then give him ‘the surprise’ later in the evening. Or it could be in a few days time. The key is to keep him wondering, thinking about what’s in store.
Suggestive Dirty Text Messages – When you are not around your man, try sending him some dirty text messages, suggesting what might be happening later. Make sure that you are indirect and even vague with these messages, so it keeps your man thinking, wondering what’s in store for later. Here are a few examples:
- Can’t wait for later, so horny right now! x
- Just getting ready to blow your mind later!
- So glad my roommate isn’t going to be around when you get over…I’ve got something naughty planned for you!
- I’m getting wet just thinking about what I have scheduled for this evening 😉
For more tips on naughty texting, check out these 43 sexting examples.
Hopefully this gives you an idea of the things you can do to build sexual tension before you even get physical with your man. For more tips on mental foreplay, check out this guide to building sexual tension.
2. You
Guys are visual.
That’s an obvious statement, but it often needs to be repeated…why do you think pornography is a multi-billion dollar business after all?
With this in mind, what you wear plays a massive role in turning your man on and making him eager for sex.
Your Clothes – I’m not trying to suggest that you go out to Victoria’s Secret and splurge on a whole new wardrobe of lingerie, but what I am suggesting is that you have 1 or 2 things in your closet that you can wear when you really want to turn on your man. Remember, guys get excited by what they see, so use this to your advantage.
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Lousy Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
Your Hair – As well as dressing sexy, don’t forget about your hair and makeup too. Do you look sexier with your hair down or in a ponytail or in a bun or in a different style altogether? Try experimenting a little bit with what works best for turning your man on.
Your Make Up – Does a certain lipstick make your lips look more enticing or does a particular eye shadow make your eyes glimmer?
This all seems so obvious, right? The thing is that many women don’t see their appearance as a potential foreplay technique when trying to turn their man on.
3. Public Foreplay
I know that public play is a foreplay idea that’s not for everyone, but hear me out…
The goal of public foreplay is to turn your man on, it’s not to actually have sex in public or get naked or anything like that. The best part about this foreplay idea is that it’s perfect for building sexual tension!
And sexual tension is what will ultimately make sex a whole lot more fun and for both of you.
Here are a few things that you can do with your man during public foreplay to amp up the sexual tension:
- Rub and caress the inside of his leg.
- Pinch his bum.
- Kiss him, but not too much (leave him wanting more).
- Talk dirty to him (let him know a few details of what you’re planning for later).
- Put your arm around him.
- ‘Accidentally’ graze or touch his crotch every once in a while.
- Grab his hand and put it on your leg.
Remember the whole purpose of this foreplay idea is not to actually start having sex in public. It’s to build sexual tension.
4. Start at the Bar
This foreplay idea is perfect for those couples who find that their relationship has become a little stale recently and they want to spice things up.
While traditional foreplay involves touching and arousing each other right before having sex, ‘Start at the Bar’ is a simple scenario to make things fun again. You and your man need to arrange a time to meet in a bar. When you arrive, you both need to act like it’s a first date. So he’ll be ordering drinks and flirting with you and trying to get you to go home with him.
He’ll be kissing you, touching you, and reminding you why you got together in the first place.
You can even play some of these sexy drinking games with him to spice things up.
Of course, this can feel a little silly, but that’s the point. The goal is get yourself loosened up and reminiscing of when you first started dating.
‘Start at the Bar’ definitely isn’t a regular foreplay technique, but it is a bunch of fun if you use it every once in a while.
5. Pinching, Grabbing, Groping & Touching
Sean, I’m a grown woman, I know that I have to touch my man to turn him on! I thought this article was about foreplay tips?
It is about foreplay tips! But how you touch your man plays a crucial role during foreplay. Let me ask you a few questions:
Do you start touching him without provocation or for no reason at all? Or do you wait for him to start touching you first?
Do you rub, massage, caress, grab and hold your man or do you just rest your hands on his back when having sex with him?
These are important questions that you need to ask yourself. Most guys enjoy being with someone who is sometimes an aggressor and sometimes more submissive and receptive to them.
Please, please keep this in mind when you want to initiate foreplay with him or he is initiating it with you. There are so many different ways to touch your man that give him a range of different sensations. Here are just a few ideas to get your brain thinking about how to touch him:
- You can softly wrap your hands around his neck and pull him in to kiss him.
- You can put your hands under his shirt and run your nails up and down his back.
- You can grab his ass outside his trousers and pinch it.
- You can massage his back, neck, and shoulders.
- You can teasingly run your fingers along the inside of his leg, right up to his crotch.
- You can run your fingers through his scalp to massage it.
- When he’s not expecting it, you can even tickle him to keep things exciting.
Now have a think about how you like your man to touch and caress you and simply do it back to him. Of course, it’s even hotter when you get touchy with your man while talking dirty to him. Read the Dirty Talking Guide for exactly what to say to him.
6. Secret Shower
Surprising your man in the shower can make for some really hot foreplay…and sex!
A really simple foreplay game is to be really flirty with him and tease him before you are both about to go to bed together. Then before you do jump into bed, ask your man to have a shower first and tell him that you’ll dry him off afterward.
When your man hops in the shower follow him in a minute later and start washing him. But don’t think about giving him a hand job or blow job while in there. Wait until after the shower! He’ll practically be begging for it.
Pro Tip: Washing his private parts with soap and water will feel extra intense thanks to the texture of the soapy water on his genitals.
Oh, and don’t forget to dry him off afterwards!
Once you do get down to giving him a hand job or blow job, then you will probably want to use some of the techniques that I show you in the Blow Job Guide or Hand Job Guide.
7. Kissing
If you have read the kissing section, then you will have picked up some great tips on how to passionately kiss your man.
But maybe you don’t have time to read a whole section dedicated to the art of kissing your man. Here are some quick tips to kissing your man passionately.
Tongue & Lips & Teeth – Don’t forget that when you are kissing your man it’s not just about using your lips. You can use your tongue to massage his lips and tongue. Your taste buds also gives him a slightly rougher sensation than your lips so make sure to use your tongue too.
From time to time, you can also use your teeth to gently nibble his lips and tongue. Just remember that you don’t want to bite him, but just squeezing his lips or tongue between your teeth.
Outside His Mouth – There are more great places to kiss your man than on his lips and mouth. Try slowly moving across his face as you kiss him. Move from his lips, across his cheek to his neck and then slowly make your way up his neck to his ear lobes.
Then after kissing him a bit on his ears and ear lobe, move back across his cheek to his mouth. If you want, you can do the same to the other side of his face.
Ok, that’s it for kissing. I further expand on this foreplay tip in the kissing section.
8. Men & Massages
Men love massages just as much as you do. So the next time you and your man have some alone time and are preparing to get a little frisky, why not do something different and start giving him a massage. It’s super easy to pull off:
Starting Off – Just get your man to lie on his stomach and then sit on his bum with a leg on either side of him. With your palms open, gently push them up and down his back, staying to the side of his spine. With all massages, you want to focus on his muscles and NEVER on his joints or bones.
Pro Tip: You’ll find that using a little coconut oil will make your hands glide up and down smoothly.
Change Things Up A Little – You’ll notice that pushing your hands up and down gets repetitive very quickly, so to change it up a little, try clenching your hand to make a fist. Softly drive your fist into the muscles in your man’s back while at the same time, moving it up and down at a speed that is slightly slower than when you were using your palms.
Just remember not to be too severe with your strokes, you want to massage him not hurt him!
The Top Section – After trying out these two different techniques, move your hands towards the upper part of his back, around his shoulders and neck. You’re going to lightly squeeze different parts of his shoulders and neck between your thumb and fingers.
And that’s all there is to giving your man a simple massage when he’s lying down in bed. Don’t forget to alternate between what technique you are using on him so that neither you or your man get bored.
9. Put on a Self Pleasure Show
Putting on a self-pleasure show for your man is a powerful foreplay technique because it’s a massive turn on for him AND you are showing him exactly how you like to get touched!
As I keep saying, guys get turned on mostly by what they see.
So why not take advantage of this? Men find it incredibly hot seeing their girl getting off. So the next time you are in bed with him ask him if he’d like you to put on a little show for him. He won’t say no!
There are a number of ways that you can make your ‘self-pleasure’ show hotter:
- Tell him that he can only watch until you finish, that you enjoy teasing him and want to see him watching, but not touching. This kind of teasing will make him jump you when you finally give him permission to get involved.
- Why not try using some toys during your show. It can make it far hotter and sexier for both of you. Tips on using a vibrator here. Tips on using a dildo here.
- Let your man join in with you. He can focus on your neck and breasts while you rub your clit. Or he can finger you while you rub your clit.
- Try starting off with a striptease and then moving on to a ‘self-pleasure’ show.
- Don’t forget to tell him how much you’re enjoying yourself. Talking in explicit detail about how much fun you’re having is going to make him extra horny.
Putting on a show for your man is a foreplay idea that can be a bit tricky to pull off if you are not already super comfortable around each other. If you are feeling nervous, then try turning the lights down low or even getting a little tipsy first.
10. Give Him Guidance
This next foreplay idea is very similar to the previous one and is awesome for teaching your man exactly what you need.
Simply put, when you and your man are fooling around, you’re going to show him what kinds of things you enjoy the most. I’m not talking about drawing him detailed pictures on a blackboard or telling him in deep detail what you enjoy.
No way!
Instead, you are going to be taking his hand and guiding it to where you want it. If you want you can also tell him how much pressure to apply and how fast to move.
This way, you can show him how to finger you better, how to rub your clitoris, how to massage your breasts and how to hold your hair or whatever you want to show him.
This foreplay tip takes a little bit of confidence on your part, but the benefits are massive, especially if you praise him while he’s doing it. Soon he will know exactly how to touch you, caress you and please you for maximum satisfaction.
11. The Kiss Trail
A super pleasurable foreplay technique is to smoothly transition from kissing your man to giving him a blow job.
You can do this by first kissing him on the lips, then slowly moving down from his mouth, kissing his neck, then moving further down by kissing his chest and stomach before reaching his groin. The entire time you are doing this, you’ll be kissing, licking, sucking and gently biting his skin.
You can do this quickly in a matter or seconds, or you can draw it out over a number of minutes, taking your time.
Once you reach his groin, you can softly bite and kiss the inside of his legs before you start giving him oral sex. If you want to learn some powerful blow job techniques, then make sure you check out the Blow Job Guide.
12. The Hidden Surprise
This next foreplay game involves a remote controlled egg vibrator. You are going to be wearing it, while your man will be controlling it.
To play ‘Hidden Surprise,’ you need to be in a restaurant or mall together, but if you prefer, you can play this game in your house/apartment too. Your man’s goal is to give you as many orgasms as possible and to make it visible to others that you are having an orgasm, while your goal is to be as discreet as possible and to try to conceal the fact that you are wearing a vibrator.
This game can be fun if both you and your man enjoy public play. And don’t worry too much about winning or losing. You are both winners just for playing!
13. Dominance & Submission
Note: This foreplay technique does not necessarily mean whips and chains!
When I talk about dominance and submission, I’m actually talking about how you act in bed with your man.
Too often people fall into a routine. Falling into a routine can be a good thing for a job or for keeping a regular savings account.
However, it’s poison for your relationship and sex life if it becomes routine.
Alternating between dominance and submission is an excellent way to avoid this.
Remember I said dominance and submission doesn’t have to involve whips and chains. What I am talking about is much more subtle. Here’re some things you can do to become either more dominant or submissive:
- If your man is always the one who initiates sex, then try becoming a little more dominant and be the one who starts it sometimes. Not every time, just sometimes.
- If you are always the dominant one, then the next time during foreplay, try getting down on your knees to give him a submissive blow job.
- Try talking dirty to your man and ordering him around. Order him into bed. Order him to go down on you and eat you out. Order him to give you a back massage. More tips and examples for talking dirty in the Dirty Talking Guide.
- The next time during foreplay, push your man down onto the bed and straddle him, taking control.
14. Playfighting your Way to Pleasure
Have you ever play fought with your man? It’s hot, right?
That’s the idea behind this next foreplay technique. You are going to be play fighting with your man, wrestling with him, struggling to pin him down and make him submit.
The goal here isn’t to win or lose, but simply to get physical with your man, which naturally lends itself to being a very arousing foreplay technique.
So, the next time you are both standing up beside a sofa or even your bed, playfully push him down and then straddle him. Look him in the eye, smile slyly and then gently push him down. When you do then straddle him, put your hands on his cheeks or neck and start kissing him. He will turn to butter!
Here are some more ideas you can use to wrestle your man.
- Pin his arms above his head.
- Grab his ankle and start tickling his foot.
- Twist his arm behind his back.
- Sneak up behind him, grab him and try to wrestle him to the ground.
- Let him pin you down and have his way with you.
I think these examples give you a good idea of what you can do to wrestle with your man. Just remember, the goal of this foreplay idea is to get physical and have fun with him.
15. Hot & Cold
Hot & Cold is a simple, fun foreplay game to play with your man. This is because it will teach both you and your man what areas of your body are most pleasurable. To play it, you first need to choose a part of your body that your man needs to find (say your clitoris). But, don’t tell him what body part you’ve chosen!
Next, he needs to find it by slowly kissing you across your body, while you instruct him by saying either “Hot” or “Cold” depending on how close he is your chosen body part or erogenous zone. The key here is to only say “Hot” or “Cold” a few times so that he really has to work hard trying to find where the spot is. Don’t say it too often either, so he must take his time.
Then after he finds the spot, he needs to spend a full minute kissing, licking and nibbling on it before you swap roles, so that you are now the one doing the kissing and sucking. The whole idea is to only choose spots on your body that are really sensitive and get you off, whether it’s your feet, lips, neck or ears.
16. Sex Dice
Sex dice are a classic foreplay game. They come in a pair, one with actions printed on each side, the other with body parts printed on each side. So when you roll them both, you should get a results like:
- Suck (the action) Boobs (the body part)
- Caress Lips
- Fondle Genitals
- Rub Neck
Ideally you should buy a pair of purpose made sex dice and take turns throwing them for each other. So when you throw them, your man must follow the instructions they give.
Alternatively, you can use two regular dice and make your own custom sex dice foreplay game. You then need to make a list of six actions. Here’s 6 example actions, but feel free to choose your own:
- Kiss
- Lick
- Touch
- Rub
- Caress
- Fondle
You also need to make a list of your six favorite body parts. Here’s 6 examples:
- Bum
- Genitals
- Lips
- Back
- Neck
- Cheek
When you roll both dice together, you’ll be told what to do, for example: lick his lips, fondle her genitals, kiss her back, rub his bum, etc. The aim of this foreplay game is to take turns at rolling the dice and do what they say.
This is another slightly silly foreplay game to play with your man, so my advice is to have a few drinks as you play it and don’t take it too seriously.
17. The Foreplay List
The Foreplay List is an enjoyable foreplay game that requires a bit of preparation, so if you prefer spontaneous sex, then this may not be for you. Here’s how to play it:
1) Both you and your man need to make a list with the same number of items. Each item must include some type of foreplay that you want to try with each other. It could be a fetish of yours, something romantic, a new technique or even something that you’ve never discussed before.
2) You then need to help your man to complete his list of wants and desires. Meanwhile he should be helping you to finish yours.
3) The person who completes their list first is the ‘winner’ and needs to do something nice for the ‘loser,’ like taking them out on a date, cooking them their favorite meal or just taking them to the movies.
Here are a few examples to give you an idea of what to add to your Foreplay List:
- Kiss me all over my body non-stop for a full hour.
- Go down on me for a full 20 minutes.
- Cook me dinner wearing just an apron and nothing else.
- Give me a foot job. Read the Foot Job Guide here if you’re interested.
Of course, the Foreplay list can be expanded to become a Sex List too if you want.
18. The Countdown
This foreplay game requires a countdown timer on your watch or phone.
You are going to be setting a countdown where neither you or your man can touch each other’s genitals. You can do absolutely anything else you like, but you absolutely cannot give him a hand job/blow job, and he can’t finger you/rub your clit either. This also rules out sex.
The purpose of The Countdown is to teach you how to please each other in more indirect ways. Here are a few examples:
- Kissing each other passionately
- Massaging each other
- Light bondage
- Dressing seductively
- Groping your man
While this can be fun for few minutes, setting the timer to three hours or more is the perfect way to build some intense sexual tension and anticipation before you get down to the deed itself.
19. Have you Tried Porn?
If you want to try a foreplay idea that is 100% guaranteed to turn your man on, then you may be keen to try watching some porn with him. This isn’t for everybody, but…
It’s a wonderful way to demonstrate to your man that you are serious about satisfying his needs. When he sees this, then he is going to be a lot more likely to reciprocate.
It’s also an easy way to explore and get new ideas with your man, even if most porn happens to be completely unrealistic.
Watching porn with your man is very easy. It’s a simple case of lying in bed with him and asking him if he wants to watch some porn on your laptop/phone. Unless your man is collapsing with exhaustion, then he will definitely say yes.
Of course, if you’re not a big fan of pornography then feel free to skip over this idea.
20. Driving Stick & Licking his Lollipop
Two foreplay techniques that will have your man groaning in deep, satisfying pleasure are hand jobs and blow jobs.
Giving your man a hand job is a tried and true foreplay technique the will put a smile on his face. And if you can do it just right, then it can feel almost as good as sex for him. You can read the in-depth and detailed Hand Job Guide here to learn how to master the art of heavenly hand jobs.
Moving from giving your man a hand job to giving him a blow job is seamless. In fact you’ll find that it’s quite easy to keep giving the lower part of his cock a hand job with your hands, while putting your mouth over the top of his penis to suck him off. For everything there is to know about how to give your man a perfect blow job, check out the oral sex techniques in the Blow Job Guide here.
21. V-V-V-Variation
If you use any of the foreplay techniques above, you will have one very happy man…a guy who can barely contain himself!
But if you keep on using the same foreplay technique over and over again without variation, then your man is going to get bored.
It’s just a fact of life. Humans crave variety. Hence the phrase, “Variety is the spice of life.”
You, your man and everyone else on this planet gets incredibly bored very quickly when you do the same thing day in, day out. I really can’t stress this enough. Variation is crucial.
So make sure that you vary what foreplay techniques you use. This way, your man never knows what to expect next from you. The same is true when giving him a blow job when you’re talking dirty (learn hundreds of dirty talk examples here) or having sex (ldiscover over 110+ different sex positions here).
22. You Talk Right?
I’m always shocked at some of the emails I get. I repeatedly get asked to decode what a man wants in the bedroom. Now, I’d love to give you a simple black and white answer, but the truth is that every man (and woman) is different.
Some want to simply snuggle a little before sex while others would prefer you to be aggressive and the initiator. Some guys may even have a kink that they’ve never told anyone that deeply arouses them.
Your man may want to dominate you or perhaps he wants to be submissive to you.
The only way to find out what types of foreplay (and sex) that your man enjoys is to talk to him and find out for yourself.
And it’s just as important that he learns what you need to get aroused and in the mood. So, if you find that any of these foreplay tips and techniques aren’t having the intended effect, then talk to your man to discover what he enjoys and let him know what you like too.
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I have a problem, my man says he likes sex but he never wants to have it, i have tried all of your trips on what to do and how to do it and he still doesnt want to, It makes me feel unwanted, un-needed and very un-attractive, i have lost weight for him and done everything i can to make him look, but nothing seems to be working, please help, i dont know what to do anymore.
Hi Kelsea,
Thanks for your question. What you are talking about sounds very serious. I feel that the best course of action is to talk to him about it. But if that doesn’t work, maybe consider seeing a couples counsellor.
I have the same problem . My man says it’s because he don’t get enough sleep and works every day.
My partner was like this and I found out he had a porn addiction.
I just found out my boyfriend too ( kinda a turn off for me…)
To Tyb and Vanessa…
My hubby enjoys watching porn, too. At our age, it doesn’t disgust me at all. We play a game of me “catching” him watching porn and join in watching with him. I’ve found out many new things about him I never knew and have slowly instituted them into our sexcapades. He enjoys women in crotchless panties, teddies, etc. I’ve added a couple outfits to my undies drawers. He enjoys watching women taking a good, splattering facial. He’s never said much about giving me one, but I blew his mind (and cock) one time when I told him to jack off on my face. He likes to see women who have men cum in their mouths to not swallow, but drool the cum out the corner of their mouths. It slowly runs down their chin and drips onto their tits, lingerie (black only…cum looks good on black) or if naked, let it run all the way to my sloppy wet cunt. I then rub the mixtures together and then send him “on down” to clean up the mess…smearing it in his face and making him clean it all up. (So, he’s eating his own cum!) His latest kink is watching guys wear their wife or GF’s panties. Nothing gets me off quicker than massaging him and watching him cum in my panties with the cum oozing our of the lace or satin material! He looks great in panties and he’s even made a space in his undies drawer for the a few new pair I’ve purchased just for him. (Buy high-waisted ones!) A little sissification goes along way in getting both of us off! LOL! So, join in! You just may learn a few things.
This is what my partner is saying too. I sat down with him today and told him I’m sexually frustrated. Because it’s making me not feel good enough I feel myself starting to checkout. I want to marry him still, but what happens if this continues… is it healthy? I don’t want to have nonpassionate sex and only once a week at that. He just tells me I should understand he’s tired… our sex doesn’t even last longer than 10 minutes so it’s just a slap in the face for me. 🙁
I would try to make him jealous to ignite his passion and possessive desire. Competition makes people strive to be the best and not take you for granted. And also I would try to spend quality time together, interesting and unexpected dates and surprises that create unforgettable memories because this way I’d have rocked the boat and made him open for both deeper attachment to me, andto have more fun together.
Hi Sean,
I have a problem when it comes to being the dominant one. I’m less experienced than my boyfriend and when it comes to me being on top, I just can’t seem to do it. I can’t seem to get the position or movements right and i’m always so afraid of hurting him. I don’t just want to be the one who always lies back and takes it! Please give me some advice..
Hi Kathryn,
Don’t worry about hurting your man. He will let you know if anything you’re doing is hurting him. There are a few different things you can do to help improve your confidence. The most important is to realise that it’s not just about his pleasure when you are on top! Try to find a rhythm or stroke that really gets you off, without worrying about him. Guys get really turned on just by seeing their girl get off! The other is to start off with the lights down low or even off, many find that this really takes the pressure off. Another is to get a little tipsy first to calm your nerves.
Sean
I had a man once who very much preferred me on top. I was more self conscious of my small breast’s and big stomach that way, but if I stayed closer to his body it worked for both of us. I think it’s called reverse missionary! One day I used an arm for the “lasso” as kind of a joke and he came immediately. I think it just suits him to see breasts above him, even though mine are in the small side. Go for it!
Learn some belly dance moves, there are lots of free videos online. Everything you can do standing up in belly dancing you can do on your knees. Straddle your boyfriend, make big circles with your hips, then small pelvic circles. Make figure eights. Also, I have found that belly dancing gives women a lot of confidence. It also helps you to get in touch with your body and your femininity.
I was a professional belly dancing for many years. Every guy I went out with enjoyed telling his friends that he was dating a belly dancer.
Hi Sean, I wonder if you can tell me how to stop my man from coming so quickly and where
To squeeze I just before he starts to com?
Hi Pat,
This can be a tricky one. There are a variety of things that your man can do to prevent your man from cumming so quickly. The number one thing that I recommend is using a numbing cream on his penis and then putting a condom over it so that the cream doesn’t effect you.
Sean
Make him come earlier round 2 will last longer. Hes probly to eager or revved up. Have more fun shortly after he recovers
If he comes more often, it will prolong how long it takes. If he hasn’t gotten off in a while, it wont take as long for him to get off. Encourage masturbation, also. That way, it’s not just you trying to build up his tolerance.
Hi Sean,
I have enjoyed reading your tips. I have not been sexually active in years. I recently met someone whom I am sexually attractive to. This individual knows my history. I feel really nervous/almost feel like I have never had sex before. I want him and I to enjoy our experience together. Any advice to get over jitters…
Hi Lona,
Honestly, the most important thing that you can do is not worry about it AND understand that you improve with practice. If your man judges you harshly for it, then he may not be such a great guy at the end of the day. Try some of the positions from the sex positions section on him or the blowjob section on him. Don’t try to remember everything, just use 1 or 2 positions and 1 or 2 blowjob techniques on him. And remember, he is going to be just as nervous as you!
Good luck!
Sean
Try focusing on the physical sensations you are feeling and do what feels good to you. This way, you’re not just thinking about your nerves and how well you are pleasing him. You will enjoy sex more and he will appreciate seeing you feel pleasure and most of the time, if it feels good for you, it feels good for him. When you feel more comfortable and confident is when you can begin pulling out your tricks that are more centered around him or are more difficult to pull off without practice.
STOP FIGHTING IT LONA GIVE IN TO YOUR SEXUAL URGES.
My husband has recently starting having issues with “getting it up” he’s very turned on and wants to but he just can’t get hard. He’ll even cum with a hand job or oral sex but he doesn’t get fully hard. Nothing has changed, no new meds nothing that we can think of that would be causing this, it’s been 2 weeks should we be seeing a doctor?
Sounds like something for your doctor
I have a small problem. Somethings that happened in my past still affects my sexual life.
Im talking about Blow Jobs, when im in the mood to give one i have no problem with them. But as soon as my man suggests, hint, tries or says anything related to a blow job im turned off. You can just forget about sex for the next few days.
Im getting very frustrated over it. I enjoy being treated like a sex slave from time to time, but how can he enjoy being my master if he has to avoid even thinking about a bj.
Shelley,
Sounds like this is a bit of a mental block for you. A good idea is to talk to your man about it.
Sean
What works best for me is just turning the lights off and not thinking about it. I’ve had a very scarring childhood that affects my sex life very much and looking at my boyfriend’s genitals just makes me very scared. I feel a lot more comfortable just keeping the lights off and doing my best not to think about
hi- My boyfriend doesnt understand the importance of foreplay. Ive tried talking to him about it, but Im afraid its just made matters worse. He says he doesnt like doing things, when I tell him to do them. Getting wet is not the issue. I need him to stimulate me physically in order to prepare for it mentally. Ive also tried showing him what I like, by doing it to him but he just doesnt get it. For instance, I like my neck and ears to be kissed and licked, but that doesnt necessarily feel good to him. So he doesnt reciprocate. When I give him blow job, I blow his mind! In fact, he didnt even like blow jobs before me. Now he wants them all the time but when it comes to pleasing me, I feel as if there is no effort put into it. Im getting really frustrated because I need all the buildup before he enters me. I also need to mention, he is a GREAT boyfriend in all other areas. Ive had great sex before with bad boyfriends and Id like this good guy to turn into a great lover. I am clearly more experience with sex than he is (he knows it too), and I think it hurts his ego when I try to talk to him about what I need. How can I communicate effectively with him?
Hi Yolanda,
Thanks for your question. This is a very tricky situation indeed…all guys have some sort of ego when it comes to sex. We never want to admit it, but we can get a bruised ego from even the simplest misunderstanding or even constructive criticism…so threading delicately is crucial in a situation like this.
As you already now know, telling him to do things is counter-productive. A much better way to get him to do the things you like is ‘reward’ him for doing the things you like, but DO NOT ‘punish’ him for the other things that you don’t enjoy as much. So when he does do anything you really like, need and enjoy then make sure to tell him afterwards. Maybe even cook him dinner, give him a surprise blowjob or send him a text afterwards telling him hot it was. This will slowly encourage him to keep doing the things you enjoy.
So if he gives you even just 5 minutes of foreplay before sex, then try to show him how super appreciative you are of it afterwards.
Don’t expect this to magically change things overnight. It takes time.
Let me know how it goes.
Sena
Set your own pace. Tease him till your ready. Make him work for it.
Please him, and blow his mind, AFTER you get yours. Ladies first. Teach him not to be so selfish and that you deserve amazing pleasure also. Women need to be more selfish with sexual pleasure, and stop catering to the male cock all the time…which has dominated the sexual realm for way too long.
Ava is right. To be honest my wife always goes first. I find it hard to stay excited if I go first. I find if my satisfaction is delayed I’m a lot more into pleasing her. And in the act of pleasing her it just turns me on more.
Thank you!! If he doesn’t think about her pleasure then I guess he’s not worth it
My boyfriend and I love sex and he likes to get kinky. How can I get more linker than him
Hi Tracy,
The best thing is to keep doing what both you and your man enjoy. You may find signing up to the Bad Girls Bible newsletter to be really helpful too.
Sean
I love my boyfriend very much but here’s the problem… He’s addicted to porn, and he has been for most of his adult life. He recently deleted all of his hundreds of movies he downloaded on his computer. Which is a great start. He said he can’t quit cold turkey, and he has cut way back since we met and started living together. I know that it is a true addiction. But I think it has damaged our sex life, and maybe this has always been a problem for him. I feel like he is always disconnected when we are having sex. Barely ever do we have forplay. Maybe for a few min. But nothing to get me hot. We barely ever kiss. We do but it’s quick. Never long and passionate. We never just “make out” and just get lost in each other. I feel like we’re always just fucking. Don’t get me wrong, I like that too just not all the time. I like a balance of making love and fucking. He does go down on me but not very often. 4 times 4 months. I am Also the only woman that was ever able to make him cum orally. He said he would always just go limp in the middle of it, not sure why but I think it’s porn related. Anyways it’s probably also why he’s into anal sex which is fine with me and threesomes which is not ok with me now at this point in my life being in a committed relationship. I just feel disconnected and I really need and want the connected loving feeling. I don’t think he needs it or cares about it. We have talked about it but not much has changed. Has porn ruined my boyfriend?
Hi Kristyl, thanks for you comment and to answer your question, “Has porn ruined my boyfriend?” My answer is, I don’t know as I don’t all the details of your relationship. However, it does sound like it could be a problem. The key is communicating your frustration to your man and letting him know how it’s affecting your relationship.
Wow, sexually speaking you sound like a great girlfriend. The problem he has with blowjobs is that he is desensitized. If he beats off too much there won’t be any feeling with them. My suggestion to anyone who has a boyfriend with a porn addition is to convince them they have to go without masterbation for at least 48 hours before sex. If they can do that he will be very interested when having sex. And he won’t need anal to get enough stimulation.
His addiction to porn is most likely acting as sort of an anti-depressant. The only other thing I could think of would be to go all nympho on him so he becomes used to you instead of the porn.
So, there’s this guy that I’ve been seeing off and on for a couple months now. I’m really into him and I know he’s into me, and when we first started talking we had an agreement that it was just going to be about sex. We both dont want to be on a relationship. He has a lot going on and he is focused on his career. I guess what I’m having a problem with is the fact that one minute everything is all good and the next he just “doesn’t want to mess around anymore” he tells me he’s busy and that I don’t understand but I’ve been very patient with him and but its like he’s so indecisive. I don’t know what’s going on!
I think that talking to him in a non-judgemental and non-confrontational way is best.
Helol, my man wants to become his words…. (more slutty) he wants me to initiate and more foreplay ect, the problem is he my my 2nd sexual partner and he has a lot more experience than me, my nerves get the better of me
Hi, my Problem is … My boyfriend always wants me to take Action First, he wants ne to start the foreplay. But the thing is that i am really Really submissive and never really like to act like the dominant one. I tried sometimes to start everything but he Never Really liked it. But he also Never tells me what he would like me to do ..
Juli, my advice is to talk to your man and let him know how you feel.
Hi Sean! Subscribing to Bad Girls Bible has been a huge help in many man pleasing areas & my man is turned on by the fact I care enough to research ways to please him. I’ve noticed many things require talking to your man about. Since this isn’t your area of expertise, & knowing men can have fragile egos, can you recommend anything regarding on how to converse with a man about a woman’s needs without deflating him? Any kind of starting point would be helpful. Thanks!
Warmest regards,
Reland
Tell him what you adore while he’s doing it or just afterwards. Keep doing this over a number of weeks and in time he’ll unconsciously connect the dots that x technique or y position is what you adore.
Hi Sean do you have some advise I used to be a real big squirter as in literally soaking the bed sheets with the female orgasm and g spot the trouble is its kids stopped I get the same feeling but with less moisture by fella thinks he is doing something wrong but he isn’t any advice?
A lot of this comes down to your mental state. If you are stressed or feel pressure to squirt then it becomes a lot more difficult to actually do it.
Hi just reading on your tips. I need help since I love giving oral but my partner says he dislikes BJs. He will stand there and not even look at me. I want to know what other fore play can I incorportate to get him and myself ready.
Try these foreplay techniques.
Mines won’t try different positions I’m freaky and like to explore what should I do
Talk to him
Hi Sean, I love reading all your tips and advice. I look forward to seeing them in my inbox. You’ve really given me some great ideas. However, I truly need some help.
Since we are on the topic of foreplay, here is my problem. The man I’m dating has an issue with going down on me. We’ve been having sex for the last 6 months and it is amazing. We do everything together. Our sex life is incredible aside from that one issue. In all these months he has only gone down on me once (and he did it fantastically). We’ve talked about it a few times. He told me had a very bad experience with another woman a few years ago. To sum up his problem, he said, bad taste, bad smell, she was extremely aggressive, and he felt suffocated b/c she kept squeezing her legs shut and pushing his face into her and holding his head there. I’ve told him I would never do any of these things. He apologizes to me and keeps promising me that he will do it, but never does.
I know it is not me. I am clean shaven, I don’t smell and he tells me he loves the way I taste. Excuse the vulgarity, but I am at my wits end. I’ve practically begged him to do it again. I talk dirty and tell him exactly what I want. It turns him on immensely when I say these things to him, but he still refuses to do it. I am an extremely giving lover. I do everything he enjoys. There isn’t one single time that I don’t blow him. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want this so badly. Do you have any advice as to what I can do to finally help him do this with me?
You might want to try gradually get him into it. Perhaps start him by kissing and licking your thighs and then get him to progress from there. Alternatively, you might find that a beer or 2 can really loosen him up.
Hi I need to learn to talk dirty but the normal dirty talk is not good enough for my man he wants to hear something different all the time I’m so frustrated but he don’t return it me what the heck what should I do or even say
Try these tips for talking dirty.
Hi I am with a wonderful GUY who I can’t seem to turn on when it comes to foreplay because he is super sensitive when I kiss his neck and ears etc. He ticklish and he laughs what am I going wrong or is there an alternative way to do it…
Some guys are ticklish, so you need to look to other areas of his body for foreplay.
I love foreplay with my boyfriend but sometimes we play around too long and he cums so quick once we start intercourse I can’t even enjoy it much less get an orgasm. I think he loves my oral skills just a little too much. We’ve been together three months and I’ve had one orgasm and that was with a vibrator and it wasn’t very strong. My orgasms are usually very strong, long and I’m kind of loud.
He is almost 50 and has heart issues so I know that does make it more difficult. Any suggestions?
Talk to him and let him know what you need in a non judgemental, non confrontational way.
Hii,
What to do to make my woman crave for me? Like when a girl with good sexy body walks the street, no doubt she makes all the heads turns towards her way.
What simulated a woman?
Good build body? I work long hours and has no time for exercise.
I think my woman loves good biceps.
what can i do? Pls help.
-Sameer
Hello!
I’m a huge fan of your newsletter and I thank you for writing it!!
I’m having a small issue and I’m not quite sure how to fix it.
My man is like a closed book. I have a hard time getting any form of input from him. I feel like I’m walking in the dark. He doesn’t make any form of noise or any comments to indicate that I am on the right track.
How do I get him to be more vocal?
Thank you so much for your time!
Talk to him about it.
hi Sean
every time I’m on top I get tired easily and I’ve never made my hubby cum while I’m on top. Please help
Talk to him about it and see if there is a different move/technique you could be using when you’re on top.
My husband and I LOVE the hot and cold game we had so much fun playing it for the first time lastnight he’s been begging me to play it with him again all day and every time I lay a hand on him he gets a stiffy thank you for giving us some fun ideas to spice things up and bringing the fun in general back to our sex life
I want to try different things with my boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem very interested. I’ve tried many of your different tips, but he doesn’t seem pleased. I’ve tried talking to him about what he likes, but all he ever says is that he just likes plain old sex and so I’ve had to tell him that I feel the same way. I don’t want him to think I’m crazy and leave me, so I’m at a loss as to what to do
Hi Sean,
I haven’t ever read your tips before and pretty much already know what to do for my man when giving him oral sex. Your article will help a little more on foreplay. My question to you is, is there any way I can spice it up a little more? For example, we’ve done the ice cube things and he wants to try pop rocks eventually… are those some good things to try or would you recommend something else?
Try some of the tips here.
Hi.. I’ve been able to control my gag reflex during oral. So my deep throat techniques are working. But I’m having a hard time breathing during deep throat. What would u recommend I could do. I really enjoy it, but I keep trying to catch my breath.
Just take breaks to catch to your breath.
My man only wants to have sex when he wants it not when i want it then he waits like two to three weeks before we have sex again i love having sex with him giving him blow jobs so what can i do to make him have more sex with me
Hi, thanks for your verry good tips:-) I have a big question. Since my husband has cheated on me once, now I have the continual worry if he likes having sex with me or not. And ofcourse he doesn’t talk about it or if he does Its hard for me to believe! How can I find out if he really enjoys having sex with me and not thinking about s.one else?
Thanksss
Hi there, i have a problem with orgasming. I just cant seem to do it. I get close but then move or stop because its just so intense. I feel terrible and like im not showing my pleasure for my boyfriend.
Is there anything you can recomend i try or do?
Focus on having an orgasm comfortably alone first
hi Sean,
please I have have problem with orgasm.. I reach orgasm when I masturbate but when I have sex I don’t get it…I have have never squirt too please is everything okay or there is a cause
Try reading the Orgasm Guide, it should help you orgasm more easily during sex.
How can I get my boyfriend to finger me and eat me out?
Ask him. Or better yet, try guiding his hand to where you want it to go the next time your are intimate 😉
hello Sean,
My boyfriend bought me as a gift your book ‘blow job bible’
I read it and we started to practice the technics described in your book.
The result is AMAZING !!! he felt in love with me again and again 🙂 And me too, I rediscovered myself now I feel myself a real hot woman and I feel him my real, strong, totally dominate and unique man.
My message to you is: Please think to translate this book in other languages like Turkish 🙂 I’m writing you from Turkey, reading the book in english was a little bit hard four my country 🙂 However the people in my country really need education on sex technics.
Thank you very much for writing this book.
best regards, Aysegul.
So glad I could help! I’m putting it on my to-do list. Right now I’m working on a Bad Boys Bible…stay tuned!
wow wow wow, it’s a good news 🙂
waiting the Bad Boys Bible with my 4 eyes 🙂
High libido me and low libido sleepy boyfriend 🙁 your newsletter is amazing and when I get sexual attention I implemented what I can. He is quick to cum and reallllly boring in the bedroom because his more about getting himself off and it happens fast. Any suggestions on slowing him from cumming and also increasing his desire for sex? His a 10/10 boyfriend in everything else but this has me buying every toy I can to satisfy myself when his not around. I can even do it next to him and his still not interested in sex or joining in. Really mismatched in the bedroom, even though his my second sexual partner and taught me a lot at the start 😉
Talk to him Lucy, and let him know what you need. Ideally he will do things that will help to boost his sex drive, but a more likely outcome is that you’ll meet in the middle.
Sean
like I’m so happy that me and my husband have been together for almost 4 years and we have sex at least 4 times a day on a bad day but on a good day damn it. but I don’t like routine and we have fell into one what is a good way to get him out of this pattern. same thing all the time is boring and I never want to get board with him.
Keep trying new things, new locations & new positions. That’s what the Bad Girls Bible is all about.
After over 41 years with the same guy, I was sexually unfulfilled, to say the least. I’ve always had a strong sex drive and was slutty (and he knew it) before we got married. I had fantasies, but remained faithful all of those years. At 63, I did something that I swore I’d never do. I started banging a married guy. I told him “no” for over 2 years, but after I left my husband, Dude got me so hot that I just had to have it. His wife can’t have sex and I know he’s a player, but I am sexually alive again. I don’t know how I stumbled across your Bad Girls’ Bible”, but the sex is INCREDIBLE. I know we won’t last forever, and I don’t expect it to, but these last 10-1/2 months have been fantastic. I am going to teach him how to give me a clitoral orgasm. He hasn’t done this yet and I sure let him know it so that he knows that he’s up for a challenge! He’ll be be leaving in the fall, and maybe not be coming back, but God, I am alive again. I always loved giving head, but now, I’m a pro. He absolutely loves it and compliments me on it all of the time! One more thing, and I know that this is gross, but I’m a tiny person and his cock is so goddamn huge that he’s ripped me open twice. I had to go to the gynecologist three times, so he’s not going to do it again. The doc has given me a hormone cream and told me to use a vaginal dialator, but God, I didn’t even bleed the the first time I had sex! I AM ALIVE AGAIN!!! Thank you SO much!! I’ll be 65 in December and I still love sex!
Hi Sean!! Recently met my soulmate and for the first time I feel sexy and alive. There is just one problem… I never come during sex or when anyone has ever gone down on me. I use my vibrator and come within two minutes. It matters a lot to both him and me that this can be fixed, all I want is to sexually please and satisfy him but I get so nervous when he goes down on me. I have baggage, and every time I feel I am getting close to an orgasm I just stop without meaning to. I am very self conscious and I almost feel too vulnerable when he goes down on me. He loves it too, it’s such a waste!! What should I do??
My tips in the guide on how to orgasm should help.
Hi Sean! I am having a problem. I cum just fine on my own, always have. But no man has ever been able to make me cum. I have an awesome boyfriend who loves eating me out, and he is good at it… but every time I get close, my body shuts off and stops me from cumming. I feel so insecure and vulnerable when a man is eating me out and I don’t like it. It makes me feel queasy and worried. I love my boyfriend. How can I break my mental blocks down so that I can come for him? It’s so important to both of us now, he has made it his personal goal now to make me come no matter what it takes. How can I feel more comfortable and less painfully aware of my vulnerability?
Check out the Orgasm Guide for help on this.
Hi Sean, as a mature man, I have realised that the only way I stop coming too quickly is when there is no pressure on me to perform and I am relaxed. This does not mean physically, it means mentally…
The way I get to that stage is to have an extended period of foreplay, concentrating on insuring my partners enjoyment. As a woman can physically come more than once, I wait normally for a second phase to allow for oral or sex. For me at least it works and the overall sessions work out to be approximate 90 mins.
SUPER PERTINENT QUESTION! How long does one give a blowie before they can jump on top of him do they prefer longer blowies or sex? Not that I am counting the minutes until I can stop but.. lately I have had such bad dry mouth I feel as though I am almost hurting him at times? I’ve tried drinking more water and even eating mints etc that are supposed to help… thoughts?
He seems to enjoy being in control but I want to just wow him and I can’t really figure out where or if its too much. He has mentioned i talk a lot during sex lmao but that’s because i want to know what he likes… so i’ve pumped the brakes but…. so when is a good time to get these answers or figure out what he wants to try…
ask your partner what they want