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For over 100 years, mainstream media has depicted spanking as something that consenting adults can use to get off, build intimacy and control one another. Spanking is common in power play relationships, can be used during role play and even allows some romantic relationships to function in a healthy manner. If spanking in the bedroom has crossed your mind, you’re far from alone. If you’ve never really given it much thought, you might wonder what people get out of it, however.It can be tons of fun to be pulled over your lovers lap, have your skirt slid up and panties pulled down and to feel his hand smacking your ass, whether it’s a kinky technique you like to use during sex or part of domestic discipline for some infraction on your part.
Learn: 16 BDSM punishment ideas.
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You might especially love being spanked erotically if you are submissive. Although you might prefer to wield the power because you’re dominant. Spanking is often a form of release for people, so laughing or even crying can occur because of the rush of emotions.
Giving up control can prove to be relaxing, and some people like spanking because it allows them to give up their worries for a moment. While you can add erotic spanking to your bedroom games, you don’t have to. It can simply be a way to relax without having sex involved. However, you should make it clear to your partner that this is what you’re looking for.
On the other hand, some lucky kinksters can get off from erotic spanking alone, and being bent over your partner’s lap or a piece of furniture provides ample access to your clitoris and pussy, so he can stimulate you in multiples ways!
Your partner may even want to learn these fingering techniques to give you more pleasure.
Now that you know why people love getting spanked in the bedroom, read on to learn how it’s done.
Related: If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
Know the Tools Used For Erotic Spankings
Of course, the word “spanking” brings to mind using your hand. There’s nothing quite like the old stand-by, which is always at the ready and feels more intimate thanks to skin-to-skin contact. You’ll definitely want to add spanking by hand to your sex bucket list! However, it’s far from the only implement that you can choose for impact play.
Paddles are typically made from leather and come in a variety of sizes, and some are lined with fur, silicone, plush fabrics and other materials. The wider the paddle, the more diffuse the blow, which makes it easier to deal with. Sometimes paddles have images or words etched into them to leave a sexy design in your backside.
Slappers are paddles with two layers. The first makes contact with your skin, then the second layer hits for double impact! They make for great sexy gifts.
Crops are long, thin tools crafted after riding crops. A crop lands on a small and specific area, sometimes in a specific shape such as a heart or star, causing more acute sensations.
Canes are long implements made from a variety of materials. You’ll find acrylic, wood, resins, metal and carbon fiber. You can even find canes that light up with LEDs. Narrow canes are much more stingy, and you may find just a few swings are enough.
Whips are single-tail implements that are swung through the air. Both Indiana Jones and Catwoman are known for carrying a whip; although, it’s likely only one of those characters uses them in the bedroom. Whips are often made from leather or leather substitutes.
Floggers have more than one tail and can be made from soft materials such as suede or fur that work well for lighter play scenes. However, you’ll also find floggers made from leather, ball chains, rope, rubber and even materials that conduce electricity for the ultimate in spanking sensations. A 9-tailed flogger is specifically known as a Cat O’ 9 Tails.
It’s more difficult to aim floggers and whips, so practice on a pillow beforehand!
Of course, a hair brush, belt, wooden spoon or spatula make for cheap and easy-to-access tools to get your spanking on, too! Try spanking out with one of those to see whether you like it. There are many items to try when it comes to spanking, and you can try them all or stick to your favorite. Some people prefer broad implements that diffuse the pain, while others want more stingy sensations, and your preferences can change for a variety of reasons. That’s okay!
Use These Tips to Get the Most Bang for Your Buck
Of course, the standard over-the-knee position is intimate and erotic, but it’s not the only way to engage in spanking. You can just as easily lean over the coffee table or have your partner bend over the sofa to bare his ass and thighs for spanking.
An under-the-bed restraint system enables you to be bound, face down, to receive your spanking. It’s especially delicious for your partner when you’re spread eagle. Vertical bondage systems such as the St. Andrew’s Cross allow you to duplicate this position while “standing.”
Related: What is bondage and learn light bondage ideas.
You can spank or flog your partner’s ass or the back of his thighs. There’s actually a sweet spot when it comes to spanking someone’s butt. The fleshy spot toward the bottom of the cheeks is perfect for avoiding permanent damage, and it can also be quite orgasmic for the person on the receiving end. Spanking closer to the tailbone is a type of pain many people don’t enjoy.
Vulva Spanking – Many women also enjoy light spanking on the vulva, but the sensitivity of this area means you probably want light swats with a hand rather than something like a cane when he’s spanking your pussy.
Using a rhythm can help both spanker and spankee get lost in the moment, but switching up pace and intensity keeps the person on the bottom from anticipating what’s coming next, which can certainly heighten the mood. A varying pace can also ensure that the spanker’s hand or arm doesn’t tire before the scene has ended. Throwing a whip or swinging a flogger can be quite exhausting!
Add spanking to a sexy role play game where you pretend to be a naughty schoolgirl or nurse! Spanking also works great if you enjoy having rough sex.
Stay Safe When Getting Erotically Spanked
It’s not uncommon for someone who is new to the idea of erotic spanking to have eyes bigger than her butt. That is, she thinks she can handle more than she can. This is why warming up is so important, but there’s another tool you can use to stay safe if spanking becomes too intense: the safe word.
Your safe word is a word or phrase you use to indicate that your partner should slow down or stop spanking entirely.
It should not be a dirty phrase. Also, the safe word you use should be easy to remember. It should also be something you won’t usually say during sex. Most people find “No” or “Stop” are bad safe words because you might use them in an erotic manner during the scene.
One popular method is Green, Yellow and Red, like stoplights. If everything’s okay when your partner checks in, you can let him know by uttering the word “green.” Saying “yellow” indicates that intensity should slow down, while “Red” is used for a full and immediate stop.
For scenes where you may be gagged, a ball that you can drop when erotic spanking becomes too intense signals that your partner should check in with you. Read more safety ideas in this guide to BDSM.
Finally, keep physical safety in mind during erotic spanking. The butt and back of thighs make perfect targets because there’s plenty of padding. Don’t strike anything that’s directly against bone or in places where you can damage internal organs. For example, stay away from the lower back where the kidneys are.
You may also want to check out our guide on how to spank your husband effectively, if you want to make sexy times a little kinkier or this guide on how to get your partner to spank you.
Keeping Your Erotic Spanking From Prying Eyes
Erotic spanking obviously works well in BDSM scenes. Whether it’s you or your man who’s bound and on the receiving end of a paddle or a hand, it can lend to powerful feelings of submission.
Of course, whoever is in charge of impact play gets an amazing view of their partner’s backside, becoming increasingly red and showing marks from hands or other tools. Some people even like to play to the point of bleeding; however, you don’t need to do that.
Still, you might not want any marks to show up after an erotic spanking session. Bruises, welts and other signs of your bedroom romps might not be appropriate at work or around friends and family members. You can take a number of steps to minimize the physical signs of erotic spanking:
- Start with warm-up spankings that are lighter in nature.
- Spanking through a layer of clothing such as panties, a shirt or pants. This may require harder spanks because the fabric will dull the pain.
- Vary the strength and location of your swats so that no single area receives the brunt of the spanking.
- Use a broad spanking implement rather than a narrow one to diffuse the blow.
- Apply a soothing lotion or spanking product after spanking to reduce redness, swelling and possible bruising. This should be a standard part of your aftercare routine.
These techniques will help to prevent and heal bruising or marks, but you can wear long sleeves or even place a bandage over any bruises that you must hide.
Steps that follow any spanking or BDSM scene are known as aftercare and are important to creating a safe place where you and your partner can explore erotic spanking or other elements of BDSM. All of you who are starting to learn BDSM should have a plan for aftercare.
It is essential when you venture into harder spanking, more extreme bondage and emotionally-taxing BDSM scenes. If your partner refuses to do aftercare or if you’re not familiar with your partner enough to know his opinions on it, you might want to stay away from anything other than light spanking.
Setting up a safe place is important for many people to enjoy erotic spanking. However, some people may never enjoy this activity no matter how much they trust their partners. It may be impossible for people to enjoy spanking in an erotic manner if they were spanked as children or otherwise abused. If you’re bringing up spanking to your partner, be prepared for a negative reaction for this and similar reasons.
However, if your partner can find your rhythm when it comes to a little ass smacking, you can experience a different type of intimacy and spice up your bedroom time!
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Sometimes when my boyfriend starts backing off when I start to struggle feels like counterproductive in discipline punishment style spanking. If it that type of spanking and my boyfriend back off or stops, I feel I’m letting him down even though I have relinquished control of this spanking to him. Sometimes I actual asked for a real no nonsense spanking about every other month or so. I like this power exchange that happens and I feel the of energy and cathartic release from being spanked beyond being able to make words. It’s that feeling of not being in control anymore and while the pain is intense and physical I want it to stop and I and I’m yelling, begging and for it to stop, deep inside I want need him continue and turn it up notch and keep going until I change from yelling into a pillow to crying hard and getting that endorphin release. Sure I have burses and welts but that tranquil feeling of being centered again is wonderful. The pain from the spanking is catalyst to release negative emotions. So, sometimes I do ask for a no-nonsense no safe word spanking with no specified number and keep going until I really sobbing. As I am pushing my jeans and panties down, sometimes I have to remind my boyfriend before the spanking start to not to back off just because I am starting to struggle and to actual start the non stop rapid fire swats with no pauses between whacks until I get that sobbing release. I have to remind him that for this one, he gets to decide when I had enough and I trust him explicitly and I really want this. I have to remind of that because he is always so gentle and has always stopped when I yell out safe word. He’s big softy and doesn’t ever want to hurt me. But every one in a while, I need and want a real blistering with his office belt or the flat part of the handle of a bamboo backscratcher from the dollar store he has, or a combination of both.
Rarity rose says
I have a surrogate Dom. We have fun and he treats me well, but also controls Mr firmly but fair. We play afterward and cuddle. Boy do I get spanked, bottom high, shaven vagina, legs apart, I love it. Sir at all times with more erotic OTK time with his powerful hanc if I forget to call him Sir or put my bottom up high. I enjoy respecting him and pleasing him and am rewarded with stimulating touches and orgasms at his permission but oh how fun it is to just cum on purpose. The paddle ensures I don’t do it again but it feels Damn good. I have a relationship based on trusts care and eroticism with discrete discipline. Safe words and limits are respected and I’m his only Sub as he’s my only Dom. I was punished properly for having another Dominant I played with. I’ll never do that again. He cares for my well being too.
My husband understands this and has needs I’m unable to do for him seen to. It’s open marriage and it works.
No sex with my Dom but…emotional relationship that goes very deep. Hes helped alot
Old Bill says
I found your website while searching something I call loving submissive … I, an elderly male, have been aware of being having a submissive nature since, well, sense forever. How it started? I don’t have a clue, but as a child playing children games I loved being tied up. Later I had submissive fantasies… and a couple times even had wonderful submissive relationships. The best one, I can recall everything she did and made me do, but I am unable to remember her name. What does that tell you.
Okay, the point of this note is to applaud your site. Obviously it is aimed at young women… the girls who are or want to be ‘bad’… I will continue to search for a site/blog geared for men, older preferably, who enjoy being a submissive without getting into down and real BSDM. Another label I use for this; normal dom/sub play. In case you know of such a site/blog, I’d be very appreciative if you’d tell me. Ah, for you I’d be very appreciative anyhow.
I am a young woman interested in exploring and unleashing her dominant side. ( Have been a Catwoman fan for as long as I can remember.)
I keep on fantasising about tying an older guy up and “having my way with him”. Lol. ?
Only interested in the light forms of bondage and discipline for now, but who knows what the future may hold…
i enjoy having my balls smacked and slapped especially when im dressed up in sissy outfits that i change for more variety for anyone watching my painful experience ??????????
One of the sexiest things my husband ever said was, “Why would I want to use an implement when I could feel that sweet ass getting warm and red under my hand”
I’m just an old fashioned, over the knee bare handed girl. But it’s important the hand lands where the butt meets the thigh. Belts can be erotic. My husband used one to make me red and puffy between my legs. Once, I made the mistake of asking if it was red enough. He told me NEVER to ask him that. He would tell me. And I got it all over. He even said, “Hold those titties up,” and whipped them too. When I’m very bad, he tells me to spread my cheeks and goes straight for my bottom. He did that night. It was amazing. But I never asked him if it was red enough again.