Erotic Spanking: The What, Why & How

For over 100 years, mainstream media has depicted spanking as something that consenting adults can use to get off, build intimacy and control one another. Spanking is common in power play relationships, can be used during role play and even allows some romantic relationships to function in a healthy manner. If spanking in the bedroom has crossed your mind, you’re far from alone. If you’ve never really given it much thought, you might wonder what people get out of it, however.It can be tons of fun to be pulled over your lovers lap, have your skirt slid up and panties pulled down and to feel his hand smacking your ass, whether it’s a kinky technique you like to use during sex or part of domestic discipline for some infraction on your part.

Learn: 16 BDSM punishment ideas.

You might especially love being spanked erotically if you are submissive. Although you might prefer to wield the power because you’re dominant. Spanking is often a form of release for people, so laughing or even crying can occur because of the rush of emotions.

Giving up control can prove to be relaxing, and some people like spanking because it allows them to give up their worries for a moment. While you can add erotic spanking to your bedroom games, you don’t have to. It can simply be a way to relax without having sex involved. However, you should make it clear to your partner that this is what you’re looking for.

On the other hand, some lucky kinksters can get off from erotic spanking alone, and being bent over your partner’s lap or a piece of furniture provides ample access to your clitoris and pussy, so he can stimulate you in multiples ways!

Your partner may even want to learn these fingering techniques to give you more pleasure.

Now that you know why people love getting spanked in the bedroom, read on to learn how it’s done.

Know the Tools Used For Erotic Spankings

Of course, the word “spanking” brings to mind using your hand. There’s nothing quite like the old stand-by, which is always at the ready and feels more intimate thanks to skin-to-skin contact. You’ll definitely want to add spanking by hand to your sex bucket list! However, it’s far from the only implement that you can choose for impact play.

Paddles are typically made from leather and come in a variety of sizes, and some are lined with fur, silicone, plush fabrics and other materials. The wider the paddle, the more diffuse the blow, which makes it easier to deal with. Sometimes paddles have images or words etched into them to leave a sexy design in your backside.

Slappers are paddles with two layers. The first makes contact with your skin, then the second layer hits for double impact! They make for great sexy gifts.

Crops are long, thin tools crafted after riding crops. A crop lands on a small and specific area, sometimes in a specific shape such as a heart or star, causing more acute sensations.

Canes are long implements made from a variety of materials. You’ll find acrylic, wood, resins, metal and carbon fiber. You can even find canes that light up with LEDs. Narrow canes are much more stingy, and you may find just a few swings are enough.

Whips are single-tail implements that are swung through the air. Both Indiana Jones and Catwoman are known for carrying a whip; although, it’s likely only one of those characters uses them in the bedroom. Whips are often made from leather or leather substitutes.

Floggers have more than one tail and can be made from soft materials such as suede or fur that work well for lighter play scenes. However, you’ll also find floggers made from leather, ball chains, rope, rubber and even materials that conduce electricity for the ultimate in spanking sensations. A 9-tailed flogger is specifically known as a Cat O’ 9 Tails.

It’s more difficult to aim floggers and whips, so practice on a pillow beforehand!

Of course, a hair brush, belt, wooden spoon or spatula make for cheap and easy-to-access tools to get your spanking on, too! Try spanking out with one of those to see whether you like it. There are many items to try when it comes to spanking, and you can try them all or stick to your favorite. Some people prefer broad implements that diffuse the pain, while others want more stingy sensations, and your preferences can change for a variety of reasons. That’s okay!

Use These Tips to Get the Most Bang for Your Buck

Of course, the standard over-the-knee position is intimate and erotic, but it’s not the only way to engage in spanking. You can just as easily lean over the coffee table or have your partner bend over the sofa to bare his ass and thighs for spanking.

An under-the-bed restraint system enables you to be bound, face down, to receive your spanking. It’s especially delicious for your partner when you’re spread eagle. Vertical bondage systems such as the St. Andrew’s Cross allow you to duplicate this position while “standing.”

Related: What is bondage and learn light bondage ideas.

You can spank or flog your partner’s ass or the back of his thighs. There’s actually a sweet spot when it comes to spanking someone’s butt. The fleshy spot toward the bottom of the cheeks is perfect for avoiding permanent damage, and it can also be quite orgasmic for the person on the receiving end. Spanking closer to the tailbone is a type of pain many people don’t enjoy.

Vulva Spanking – Many women also enjoy light spanking on the vulva, but the sensitivity of this area means you probably want light swats with a hand rather than something like a cane when he’s spanking your pussy.

Using a rhythm can help both spanker and spankee get lost in the moment, but switching up pace and intensity keeps the person on the bottom from anticipating what’s coming next, which can certainly heighten the mood. A varying pace can also ensure that the spanker’s hand or arm doesn’t tire before the scene has ended. Throwing a whip or swinging a flogger can be quite exhausting!

Add spanking to a sexy role play game where you pretend to be a naughty schoolgirl or nurse! Spanking also works great if you enjoy having rough sex.

Stay Safe When Getting Erotically Spanked

It’s not uncommon for someone who is new to the idea of erotic spanking to have eyes bigger than her butt. That is, she thinks she can handle more than she can. This is why warming up is so important, but there’s another tool you can use to stay safe if spanking becomes too intense: the safe word.

Your safe word is a word or phrase you use to indicate that your partner should slow down or stop spanking entirely.

It should not be a dirty phrase. Also, the safe word you use should be easy to remember. It should also be something you won’t usually say during sex. Most people find “No” or “Stop” are bad safe words because you might use them in an erotic manner during the scene.

One popular method is Green, Yellow and Red, like stoplights. If everything’s okay when your partner checks in, you can let him know by uttering the word “green.” Saying “yellow” indicates that intensity should slow down, while “Red” is used for a full and immediate stop.

For scenes where you may be gagged, a ball that you can drop when erotic spanking becomes too intense signals that your partner should check in with you. Read more safety ideas in this guide to BDSM.

Finally, keep physical safety in mind during erotic spanking. The butt and back of thighs make perfect targets because there’s plenty of padding. Don’t strike anything that’s directly against bone or in places where you can damage internal organs. For example, stay away from the lower back where the kidneys are.

You may also want to check out our guide on how to spank your husband effectively, if you want to make sexy times a little kinkier or this guide on how to get your partner to spank you.

Keeping Your Erotic Spanking From Prying Eyes

Erotic spanking obviously works well in BDSM scenes. Whether it’s you or your man who’s bound and on the receiving end of a paddle or a hand, it can lend to powerful feelings of submission.

Of course, whoever is in charge of impact play gets an amazing view of their partner’s backside, becoming increasingly red and showing marks from hands or other tools. Some people even like to play to the point of bleeding; however, you don’t need to do that.

Still, you might not want any marks to show up after an erotic spanking session. Bruises, welts and other signs of your bedroom romps might not be appropriate at work or around friends and family members. You can take a number of steps to minimize the physical signs of erotic spanking:

• Start with warm-up spankings that are lighter in nature.
• Spanking through a layer of clothing such as panties, a shirt or pants. This may require harder spanks because the fabric will dull the pain.
• Vary the strength and location of your swats so that no single area receives the brunt of the spanking.
• Use a broad spanking implement rather than a narrow one to diffuse the blow.
• Apply a soothing lotion or spanking product after spanking to reduce redness, swelling and possible bruising. This should be a standard part of your aftercare routine.

These techniques will help to prevent and heal bruising or marks, but you can wear long sleeves or even place a bandage over any bruises that you must hide.

Steps that follow any spanking or BDSM scene are known as aftercare and are important to creating a safe place where you and your partner can explore erotic spanking or other elements of BDSM. All of you who are starting to learn BDSM should have a plan for aftercare.

It is essential when you venture into harder spanking, more extreme bondage and emotionally-taxing BDSM scenes. If your partner refuses to do aftercare or if you’re not familiar with your partner enough to know his opinions on it, you might want to stay away from anything other than light spanking.

Setting up a safe place is important for many people to enjoy erotic spanking. However, some people may never enjoy this activity no matter how much they trust their partners. It may be impossible for people to enjoy spanking in an erotic manner if they were spanked as children or otherwise abused. If you’re bringing up spanking to your partner, be prepared for a negative reaction for this and similar reasons.

However, if your partner can find your rhythm when it comes to a little ass smacking, you can experience a different type of intimacy and spice up your bedroom time!