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So you want to be spanked. That’s great! But you may be wondering to yourself, “How do I get my boyfriend to spank me?” You can always leave a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on your nightstand, but there’s no guarantee he’ll read it. No, there are much better methods for getting your boyfriend to accommodate your spanking needs. How to get my boyfriend to spank me is a common question, and we will provide the answers.
If you are tired about just thinking about how to get my boyfriend to spank you, and want him to start doing it, here are some ways:
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
1. Ask Him Directly
When you’re not having sex yet, like when you’re out to dinner, bring up the subject. Say to him, “I want you to spank me.” He’ll probably like the idea and might want to get home before the appetizers arrive.
Or you could wait and say, “Spank me,” while you are having sex. Maybe you can bite him or slap him on the butt. Then you can tell him that you deserve a spanking for doing that. Talking about it directly is easier when you use advice from this post about communication.
2. Wear Some Personalized Panties
You can write a special message for your boyfriend that he’ll see when you’re wearing only your panties. Using a permanent marker, write the words, “Spank me” on the back end of your underwear.
Or buy underwear that is see-through only at the butt. He’ll get the “spank me” message loud and clear. There are also panties with sayings like “It’s not going to spank itself” on them to send the right message.
You may want to remove your underwear before the spanking begins!
If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
3. Tell Him How You Like It When He’s in Control
One of the top fantasies women have is that of being forcefully ravished by a man. Many romance novels feature a strong male character who wants sex and who won’t accept a woman’s initial hesitance. So if that sounds like you, tell him that you want to be dominated, and the way you like him to show his control is to give you a good spanking.
We’ve got tips for being submissive during sex right here!
4. Talk Dirty During Sex
When you’re having sex, ask him if you’ve been a bad girl or if you’re a naughty girl. He’ll probably say that yes you are. Then ask him what you’ve done. He’ll probably say something, whether it’s sexually related or not, like you didn’t give him a blow job yet or that you left your clothes on the floor. You then respond that you need to be punished for being so naughty. He might then pick up that you want to be spanked at this point. If not, go ahead and tell him, “Spank me” and that you deserve it for doing whatever it was he said you did.
Dirty talking doesn’t come easily to everyone, so check out our detailed dirty talking advice and examples.
5. How to Spank for the Most Pleasure
To get the most pleasure from being spanked, have him bend you over his knee. I actually teach this in my guide on how to spank your husband.
Then, have him put a pillow under your stomach for maximum comfort and positioning. You can also get down on all fours or lie down on your stomach. He should be spanking the meatier part of your butt cheek where the cheek meets your thigh. After the spank, it feels good for him to lightly caress the area he just spanked. Note that he shouldn’t be wearing any rings on his fingers when he spanks you.
6. What to Use
Your boyfriend can use several tools besides his hand to spank you. With all of these, it’s best to start slowly and build up the intensity of the swing used to do the spanking. You might even enjoy a massage or a soft tickle to begin. Then, he can work his way up to letting you feel the sting of the intense slap.
His hand: Start by having him use his hand, of course. He can smack you on your butt open-handed, or he can cup his hand. Both feel different and make different sounds.
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Good Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
A paddle: (available in wood, leather, silicone or metal): Each type of paddle feels differently, and all of them are more forceful than the hand. You might want to have him start with his hand and then switch to the paddle. This tool might be too intense to use right from the beginning.
A whip: You can find whips or even riding crops in all sorts of lengths and styles. Whips usually make a loud, cracking noise.
A flogger: This is like a whip, but it has many tails. Floggers made of soft material, such as suede, might be better when you first start.
A cane: The cane sensation is similar to a whip’s. You’ll feel a sharp, intense pain. A cane will probably leave marks on your skin.
Learn more about how to spank and impact play.
Consider wearing Ben Wa balls in your vagina during your spanking session – more ideas to try here. When he spanks, you’ll feel the balls moving around.
7. Set Up Some Rules
Now that you know how to get the job done, there are some ground rules you should consider. You need a safe word that you can say if the spanking is hurting you more than exciting you.
But don’t say, “stop” or “that hurts.” Those words might put a damper on the experience. A prearranged word that has no meaning associated with sex, like “broccoli,” will let him know that you’ve had enough.
Or if you don’t want him to stop but want him to ease up a bit on the pain part, you can use code words that mimic traffic lights. Red means stop, yellow means ease up, and green means keep doing what you’re doing. Read more about safe words.
Spanking is one of those activities that provides pleasure even though some pain is involved. The first time you ask your boyfriend to spank you might feel a bit forced or awkward, but you’ll probably both enjoy yourselves so much that it won’t be difficult to get your boyfriend to spank you again.
Depending on how intense the spanking session is, your butt might be a little red and sore afterward, but that feeling shouldn’t last for long, especially if you apply a balm to help soothe it.
Read: Guide on exploring S&M.
If it felt good and you you enjoy being dominated, what’s a little sensitivity later? Now that you’ve found out the answer to how to get your boyfriend to spank you, you’re all set for some fun.
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I bruise too easily ?
Hi! I’m a physician. If you are on any blood thinners, this can be a problem. The most common places for serious bruising are like the front of your lower legs where there is little protection between skin and the shin bone. Areas like upper arms are more prone to small area-high pressure sorts of injury to the tissues. As for the buttocks, there is too much natural shock absorption which does minimize bruising. I would never go greater than hand spanking where the butt is the most “jiggly”. Less bruising. If you have weak blood vessels due to the inability to absorb Vitamin C in its acid form (very common!), try Vitamin C in its potassium form like EmergenC. Also critical are the bioflavenoids, the stepchildren of Vitamin C. This group of vitamins are VERY IMPORTANT for blood vessel integrity, and too many people have this problem and don’t know it.
Keep in mind that easy bruising can be the early signs of serious systemic diseases, so check with your physician about it first. Ignoring easy bruising can escalate to broken eye blood vessels, even brain hemorrhage. (Or it could be an early sign that your spouse is trying to poison you. NOT KIDDING!)
Good advice, especially 1, 3 and 4. I read this article before I finally got my BF to “yes”, and it helped.
After a couple years of unsuccessfully trying to get my sweetheart to give me OTK spankings, here’s my experience: Talk about it, be patient, and talk about it again. Accept that you may have to guide him at first, because there are few chances he will really understand what you want and just do it. My BF first thought I wanted a more s/m “whipping”, then he thought I wanted some kind of role play, which made him uncomfortable. I had to give up on the idea that he would just “get it” and drag me over his knee for punishment while I protested.
I told him it was a sexual need and we talked (texted :)) about it a lot. For the first spanking, I was very cooperative. No protesting, I just agreed to it and went over his knee and made it as easy as possible. I wanted to get in the groove and send no mixed signals. He adored it. Friends were about to arrived, so afterwards, he pulled up my pants and told me to go finish getting things ready for our friends.
The second one was a little different: he came to me after an argument, when I was feeling sad and down. He said he thought I needed a good spanking, that I’d been bad, and shouldn’t raise my voice and be so pushy with him, and make him “cross” (as an aside, he had conceded my point and said I could do things my way, so he had already listened to my opinion and respected my point of view). I agreed it might be a good idea and went over his knee and he gave me a very, very hard spanking and a little lecture. Mind-blowing sex ensued.
I felt so in love afterwards, so calm. The air had been cleared. My respect for him swelled. My bottom was stinging all afternoon. And now he promises much, much more of the same.
I think every spanking will probably be different, but I have no doubt there will be some that will be disciplinary, and that I will resist and have to submit to. Maybe one that will make me cry and make it hard to sit for days. In any case, I am so happy that it is finally happening…
Thank you naughtygirl, I really appreciate your report! I’m sort of in a similar situation as you were at the beginning. By husband doesn’t really get what I want and the reason for that is that I haven’t really communicated what exactly it is that I long for. “Talk about it, be patient, and talk about it again. Accept that you may have to guide him at first, because there are few chances he will really understand what you want and just do it.” This is gonna be my mantra!
I was glad to read that your BF finally got it and you enjoy this new aspect of your relationship. I hope to get there in the future.
Congrats on finding the solution to your spanking problem. A good
thing that your bf understood how you wanted it and did not just
give you a few mild slaps on your behind, but a real bare/bottomed
spanking. It is always nice to know when the right people connect to
good effect.
His best friend, Spanked me why he was away fishing.it felt so Good. His Big hand yanking me over his knee, yanking my sexy Skirt up over my pantied Cute Butt.and WHACK WHACK WHACKED me 3 or 4 good hard whacks.just to get my Mind right.Then he Told me Kelly pull your pantys down just past your Ass cheeks.Oh I did as told.then he let lose with Oh a Ass Spanking like ive never ever had before, I Screamed, and pleaded with him to Stop he said Shout up Bitch and Spanked Harder.Yanked my hair oh I cryed like a little girl .and he keepet on Spanking.Oh When he was Done, he bent me over Our Lazyboy recliner Arm,.and took me from behind, long and hard, Over and Over again.Oh I loved it….
Well what if it’s a man? Like me that wants my wife to whip or spank me and she is apprehensive about it? I have ask her and told her what I want, even the fact I want her to use a belt. How can I get her to do it?
I love it I pick writing spank me on my underwear is best for me though thc
my boyfriend already spanks me but everytime he does i kind of freeze up and sometimes just laugh out of nervousness even though i actually like being spanked, i just dont know how to respond in a sexy waym amy suggestions???
Talk to him about it. Let him know that you enjoy it, but that you’re nervous and sometimes laugh because of your nervousness. You’ll find that over time you’ll become more comfortable with it all.