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Domination is delicious…when done right. When done wrong, it’s weak, weird, and dangerous. This domination guide will teach you how to dominate your partner in bed in a way that’s intensely sexually satisfying, awkwardness-free, and is so enjoyable that it keeps them coming back for more. Here’s how I structured this domination guide:
- 6 domination ground rules – boring, but important
- 5 dominant foreplay ideas
- 19 techniques to completely dominate your man sexually
- 3 tips if you are struggling to be dominant
6 Domination Ground Rules
Before you dive and learn how to become sexually dominant, you need to understand some ground rules and basic information to make sure everything goes smoothly when you try any of these dominant things to do in bed.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal, clitoral and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
1. Sexual domination Vs BDSM domination – There is a difference between being more dominant sexually versus dominating your partner in the context of BDSM. Although some might argue that being dominant is part of BDSM by default.
If you are more interested in the BDSM aspects of dominating your husband or wife, check out my in-depth guide on how to be a Dom.
2. Consent, not coercion – If you want your partner to enjoy themselves (during any sexual activity, not just with a domination kink), then you need to make sure they freely give their consent to being dominated. If you don’t have their consent, then they’re going to have a terrible time.
3. Communication & check-ins – When you first start dominating your partner in bed and trying new domination techniques, make sure to check in regularly with them to make sure they are ok and enjoying themselves.
Don’t assume they like everything you’re doing. Our guide on sexual communication will help with this.
Squirting: Any woman can experience the intense pleasure of squirting, if you follow the right process. I demonstrate the most powerful squirting techniques and explain the process, step-by-step in the Squirting Magic Guide.
4. Start slow & ramp up domination – A great way to freak out your partner or even to injure them is to unleash all of your most intense domination fantasies on them at the same time. Even worse, try doing this during the very first time you dominate them in bed!
A better approach…
Start with your more timid domination ideas, get feedback from your partner on what they like/don’t like, and then ramp up to your more intense domination ideas and desires over time.
You might feel impatient, but taking things slowly prioritizes safety and comfort as you learn how to be dominant in bed.
Over time, you’ll quickly build up a list of what kinds of domination they adore and what they find to be “meh.”
5. Safety – You need to take safety seriously when dominating your partner.
Two important safety aspects when you dominate your man in the bedroom:
- Agree on a safeword that your partner can use if they want to stop.
- Negotiate with your partner to discover their limits, what they want, and what they don’t want.
But safety goes well beyond this, including playing with a sober and clear mind, knowing your tools well and keeping them in good condition, encouraging communication from your partner, and learning your partner’s body language.
He will lust for you: It's easy to make a man desire you and turn him on, when you use the right kind of dirty talk. If you'd like to learn how, then you may want to check out the Wild Dirty Talk Guide. Inside, you'll learn how to confidently talk dirty along with the lines and phrases that work best for making him deeply desire you.
6. Aftercare – For many submissive partners, being dominated is an intense experience. Their body releases a surge in endorphins as you dominate them, giving them an ecstatic high, followed by…
A draining low known as sub drop once you’ve finished (you might experience a similar thing known as top drop after you dominate your woman in the bedroom). People describe these high/low feelings as similar to the effects of drugs.
Physical domination can also lead to cuts, abrasions, bruises, and other effects on the body.
Even when that’s not the case, moving from sex or a kinky scene to regular life can be jarring.
To combat this, you may need to provide your partner with aftercare to help them out of emotional lows, physical effects, or the adjustment back to daily life. I put together an entire guide on providing aftercare to your partner.
Now it’s time to learn some ways to be dominant during foreplay and get some tips for sexual domination…
5 Dominant Foreplay Ideas To Start Dominating Your Partner
While we have a full guide on how to do foreplay without necessarily being dominant, the 5 techniques below will show you how to be dominant during foreplay when you dominate your man.
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Good Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
1. Initiate Foreplay
Initiating is the most important thing you can do if you want to dominate your man during foreplay (and sex).
When I say initiate, I mean:
- Start and make the first move.
- Lead and decide what happens, or doesn’t happen, next.
If you’ve never done it before, it can be a little nerve-wracking to initiate foreplay.
That’s fine, but…
You still need to act and make the first move using one of the following dominant techniques…
2. Dominant Kissing
You can kiss your partner dominantly in a few ways:
Initiate – Make the first move. Lean in and kiss your partner or turn their face toward you with your hands.
Kiss from above – If you are taller than your partner, stand above them, and you will be kissing from the dominant position.
Quick Warning: This video is wild... However, it will teach you how to give blow jobs that will make your man cry with pleasure and become sexually addicted to you. If you are interested in having him completely obsessed with you and only you, then check out the detailed (& explicit!) oral sex tutorial video here.
If you are smaller than your partner, wait until they are sitting on a couch or instruct them to sit or kneel. Sit on top of them, straddling them, so you can kiss them from above.
This also works great in the Mastery sex position.
Put your hands on their neck – While kissing your partner, put your hands on their neck. Your four fingers should be on their neck, while your thumbs are on their cheeks.
You can use your thumbs to push their head to one side or the other and “control” the kissing.
Lightly scratch the back of their head – When kissing your partner, reach your hand around to the back of your partner’s neck. Then gently and slowly run your nails upwards, lightly grazing their neck and then their scalp.
If they have short hair, softly scratch and massage the back of their head with your nails.
If they have long hair, even better…
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Tilt their chin upwards and expose their neck – Grab their hair from the base (at the back of their head) and lightly pull it downward. This feels pleasurable, but doing so also tips their chin upwards, making them feel even more submissive.
Push their hands over their head – A sexually dominant foreplay move is grab your partner’s wrists and push their arms over their head when kissing them.
Lead the kissing – This should be obvious, but I still need to say it:
Lead the kissing. Don’t just passively accept their kisses if you want to be the dominant partner.
This means switching from French kissing them to sucking their earlobe to kissing their neck to something else.
3. Undress Your Partner
Another dominant foreplay move is to undress your partner.
You can do it passionately and quickly, ripping off their top, pants, and underwear.
Quick Warning: This tutorial video will teach you how to make your girl collapse with unending pleasure and become sexually addicted to you. If you are interested in having her completely obsessed with you and only you, then check out this slightly crazy & explicit pussy eating tutorial video here.
Or do it slowly…
Building anticipation and turning on your partner as you slowly undress them.
Go deeper: Learn how to turn a guy on and how to turn a girl on.
Undressing your partner can be hard if they’re much taller than you. Try having them kneel during the process or instructing them to undress instead. You could even make your partner give you a private show!
4. Move Them Around
A great way to be more dominant in bed is to physically move your partner. Here are a few different ways to do it…
Pull them closer to you – Whether you are sitting on the couch or lying in bed together, try to pull your partner closer.
Push them below you – A subtle, but super-dominant idea is to push your partner into a position that is below you so you can make eye contact while looking down on them. You can push them:
- On their back (great if you want to try the Woman On Top sex position)
- On their stomach (try the Prone Bone position)
- Down on their knees (they can use these 27 blow job tips or these 34 cunnilingus tips when they’re down there)
Lead them somewhere – Grabbing your partner’s hand and leading them to another room is a great way to be dominant (e.g., kitchen to bedroom). Add a leash if you like props.
More: 48 best, crazy, kinky & romantic places to have sex & give oral.
5. Dominant Dirty Talk
A dominant way to build sexual tension is talking dirty to your partner.
You can take it a step further, and…
Use dominant dirty talk or even send them dominant text messages to make them horny, while increasing their feelings of submissiveness. Try telling them what you expect them to wear or do when you see them next.
Speaking of making them horny: How to make a girl horny and 7 ways to make a guy horny.
Plus, dirty talking before sex lets your partner give you ideas about how to dominate them.
19 Techniques To Completely Dominate Your Man During Sex
There are a lot of sexual dominance techniques below. Don’t feel like you need to use them all. Pick the ones that you are most passionate about and that suit your own personality.
1. Bondage
Bondage is the act of restraining your partner by tying them up.
Let’s start with some simple bondage ideas:
- Tie your partner’s wrists above their head to the corners of the bed before trying one of these bondage sex positions.
- Tie your partner’s hands behind their back and get them to kneel while performing deep throat, or make them go down on you.
- Tie your partner’s wrists and ankles to the bed in the spread eagle position, so they are completely at your mercy. Then slowly tease them with a hand job if he has a penis or finger her if she has a vulva.
While you can check out the bondage for beginners guide to learn how to get started with bondage, it can be dangerous if not done right. There are a few safety concerns you should be aware of before you jump in:
- Never leave your partner alone while bound. Why? If something goes wrong, your partner can’t free themselves.
- Don’t use restraints that cut off blood supply or cause nerve damage.
- Know how to quickly remove the bondage in an emergency. This may mean cutting through your favorite rope or cuffs.
Try: You can also try out bondage alone with these 15 self bondage ideas.
Then, you can move on to more niche bondage, like cock cages, when you dominate your man in bed.
2. Dominant Sex Positions
Some sex positions naturally put you in a position of control…
Perfect for dominating your partner.
Cowgirl – You’re on top and have freedom to move, grind your clit against them, and rock up/down. Meanwhile, your partner is pinned down with your body. You can increase the domination by leaning forward and pinning your partner’s arms above their head.
Variations include the Asian Cowgirl, Fast Fuck, Jugghead, and Man Missionary positions.
Face Sitting/Queening – Face sitting is an incredibly dominant way to receive oral sex from your partner. Your partner starts by lying on their back. You will then kneel with one leg on either side of their head and lower yourself onto their mouth.
- You can lower yourself even further, pressing on them with more force to let them know who’s in charge.
- You can also grind against their entire face for more clitoral stimulation.
Learn: How to give a girl head – 85 techniques.
Amazon – Amazon is probably the most dominant position you can try if you’re a woman and your partner is a man. You’ll be on top, pinning his legs back and in control.
Missionary – Missionary position can be intimate and very dominant. If your partner is on top, they can pin down your wrists.
More dominant positions: 12 female dominant sex positions to unleash your inner femdom.
Don’t get too caught up in positions, however. Any position can be a dominant sex position if you’re in the right headspace.
3. Lead Sex
Just like with foreplay, one of the most important parts of dominating your partner is leading sex.
How?
- Move them into new sex positions.
- Be on top, like in the Corner Cowgirl position if you are a woman, or the Anvil position if you are a guy.
- Focus on your pleasure – How to orgasm for women.
- Move them to new locations – Just grab their hand and lead them where you want to go.
Caveat: It can feel a bit stiff and even awkward if you insist on leading sex 100% of the time. Be flexible and let your partner be in control from time to time.
And…
You can even wrestle for control…
4. Wrestle Your Partner/Pin Them Down
There is something animalistic about wrestling with your partner and pinning them down as they struggle against you.
It will naturally make you feel dominant, while your partner will feel completely submissive and helpless.
Go deeper: How to be submissive during sex.
Even better…
It allows you to both get out of your heads and into your bodies. This is perfect if you currently struggle to stay in the moment during sex.
Some ways to wrestle with your partner and pin them down:
- Get on top of them, straddling them with one leg on either side of their hips.
- Grab their wrists and pin them to the bed.
- Press your legs on top of theirs to keep them pinned down.
- Simply lay on top of them with your whole body, wrap your arms around them, and hold them in position.
- Add cuffs to further restrain them and introduce some bondage.
Caveat: You should probably discuss this before trying it. This way, your partner will be ready to struggle back against you.
5. Control The Pace
Controlling the pace is a very subtle way to be dominant during sex. You’re going to control how fast or slow penetration happens.
It’s easiest when you are in the dominant position (e.g., on top during Missionary or Cowgirl), but you can also do it when you’re in the more submissive position. Here are some ways to set and control the pace of sex:
- If you are doing the penetrating, simply slow down or speed up. Tips for slow sex.
- If you want your partner to slow down or speed up, whisper in their ear, “Slower” or “Fuck me faster.” Challenge them to move toward the beat of a song.
- Another way to slow your partner down is to grab their hips and physically slow them down.
- Alternatively, you can grab their ass and pull them in to you to speed them up. Quickie sex tips.
6. Tease & Denial
Teasing and denying your partner is a form of psychological domination that can be more potent than physically dominating your partner.
Playfully teasing and denying your partner can range across the following:
- Flirting
- Creating sexual tension
- Teasing your partner about what they “can’t have” or what you “won’t do for them.”
- Building anticipation of something pleasurable to happen in the future…
- Denying them sexual pleasure, in a fun way, from time to time. This may mean pausing your movements or pulling away.
The key to making tease and denial exciting is to keep it fun for your partner. If you are too serious, your partner may feel like you are punishing them.
You may want to try these 7 tease and denial games or these 9 orgasm denial games if you are interested in dominating your partner psychologically.
7. Choking*
*Be very careful; choking is incredibly dangerous. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to squeeze too hard, cut off the blood flow to your partner’s head, and injure them or worse.
However…
If both you and your partner are into it, choking during sex can also be super dominant and hot.
Note: This is one of those sexual practices that you need to discuss with your partner beforehand. You need to get their consent to dominate him in bed, and you need to pay close attention as you do it, to ensure you don’t hurt them. While the guide on how to choke your partner during sex goes in-depth, here is a quick start guide:
Start by placing your hand on your partner’s neck and gently squeezing it while paying attention to their reaction.
If they don’t enjoy it, then skip to the next technique.
If they do enjoy it, then great! You can try some of these choking ideas:
- During sex from behind, like in the Spooning position.
- During a Face-to-Face sex position like the Coital Alignment Technique.
- While kissing them.
8. Spanking
In BDSM, doms often use impact play like spanking for various purposes. Obviously, it can serve as a form of discipline to punish your submissive partner. Some people love spanking, however, so it’s more of a “funishment.”
You can also spank your partner on the butt to dominate them, and to…
Increase their feelings of submissiveness. Here are a few ways to do it:
- You can playfully spank your partner for “disobeying” you during foreplay or while flirting with them
- If it’s easy to spank them during sex, try it. You can also switch between grabbing their butt and spanking it
- If you sense that your partner is about to come during sex, try spanking them to increase the sensation as they do
Make sure to focus your spanking on the “meaty” areas of their butt with the palm of your hand. Spanking other areas of their body or making contact with fingernails or jewelry may injure them.
If you’re dominating a woman in the bedroom, you can also spank her pussy.
9. Slapping & Spitting
Slapping and spitting can be a super dominant and hot sex move…
Or a huge turn off.
It all depends on how your partner feels about it.
Just like with choking during sex, this is one of those sex moves that you need to discuss with your partner beforehand to see if they are interested in trying it.
And…
You also need to talk about it afterward to see whether your partner enjoyed it or wants to try again.
Context is vital – For your partner to enjoy being slapped and spat on during sex, you need to be keenly aware of the context:
- If you try it during slow, romantic, candlelit foreplay, then it will come out of left field and feel really weird and disrespectful.
- If you are already having rough sex (more on that later), then the context is perfect for introducing some slapping and spitting into sex.
As with trying any new sex move, start off in the shallow end:
- Gently slap your partner during intense sex and observe their reaction. You can start by slapping their shoulders/arms or chest before moving on to their face. If they don’t like it, then try something else. If they adore it, then try it some more.
- Discuss spitting beforehand. If your partner is keen to try it, do so when the context is right. Again, if they like it, try it again. If they don’t like it, there are lots of other sex techniques to try.
10. Hair Pulling
Hair pulling is great for sensually dominating your partner during sex.
The main thing to keep in mind when pulling your partner’s hair is…
Grab a lot of hair
Ever pluck a single hair? It hurts. Grabbing a lot of hair distributes the force, making it sensual rather than painful. Here are a few ways to dominantly pull your partner’s hair during sex…
You also want to grasp the hair close to the scalp and not at the ends.
Face-to-face positions – Run your fingers up the back of their scalp, gently grazing it before grabbing their hair and pulling down. This will tilt their chin up, exposing their neck and making them feel more submissive.
Doggy Style positions – During Doggy Style and similar sex positions, the penetrating partner can grab their partner’s hair in one hand while using their remaining hand to steady themselves on their hips/waist/shoulder.
Oral Sex – While receiving oral sex, run your hands through your partner’s hair, grab it, and use it to guide them to where you want them. This can be super hot whether your partner is deep throating you or performing cunnilingus.
As always, talk about it first, start easy, and get feedback from your partner.
11. Grab Them
Grabbing your partner and pulling them in towards you or pushing them away is naturally dominant.
You’re controlling their position. Some ways to grab your partner:
- During sex from behind, like in the Turtle position, grab your partner’s hips/waist and pull them towards you with every stroke…or push them away.
- If you are strong enough, grab them and lift them off their feet. You can do this during sex using the Stand and Carry position, or even when you are flirting with them.
- If they are moving away from you, grab them and pull them closer.
Just be careful not to grab any pressure points on their body or hold their skin so tightly that it hurts them.
12. A Little Pain
Inflicting a small amount of pain on your partner while giving them lots of pleasure adds to your domination.
You don’t want to do anything that leaves a permanent mark or hurts so much that it takes them out of the moment. Here are some ideas:
- Spanking and slapping – I already discussed this above.
- Grab their wrists and pin them down – Also discussed above.
- Pinch them – This is one of those things that is better to discuss beforehand to make sure your partner is on board.
- Pinch their nipples – If they enjoy this, try it during sex. Some men and women enjoy it right as they orgasm. You can even try nipple clamps when you dominate your woman sexually.
- Bite them – This can range from a little nipple to more intense biting. Usually, biting a fleshy part of the body with a lot of muscle or fat, like the butt, is easier to tolerate. You can also scrape your teeth along their body or pull at loose skin with your teeth.
Of course, you can probably think of a bunch of other things to do as you’re discovering how to be sexually dominant. Flicking your fingers and using your breath can be powerful tools.
13. Cowgirl
This dominant sex tip is specifically for women. When you are in the Cowgirl position, you will naturally be dominating your partner.
You will literally be pinning your partner to the bed with your body while looking down on them.
Here are a few ways to make the Cowgirl position feel more dominant.
- Grab their hands/wrists and pin them above their head. You can even tie their wrists and ankles to the bed to fully restrain them.
- Try lightly choking your partner, but be careful not to hurt them.
- You can pull out and stop sex, to tease and deny your partner.
- You can lean forward and whisper dirty things in their ear (my dirty talking guide has 100’s of dirty sex talk examples).
14. Face Sitting
Sitting on your partner’s face is insanely dominant. It also feels great if you like oral sex 😉
While my guide on how to sit on a guy’s face with confidence will teach you everything you need to know about riding your partner’s face, here are some quick pointers:
1. Start in the 69 position – You’ll be on top, which makes it easy and smooth to transition to riding their face.
2. Push yourself upright – Voilà, you are now sitting on their face!
3. Place your arms on their chest – You can steady yourself by placing your hands on your partner’s chest.
From here, there are lots of things you can do to dominate your woman or man:
- Lower your weight onto your partner’s face.
- Grind your vulva against their face.
- Rock up and down.
- You can even tickle your partner if you enjoy it. Just be careful, as your partner may not be able to control their mouth as they laugh.
- You can also adjust yourself so that your partner is “forced” to eat ass.
15. Rough Sex
Some folks adore rough sex. It’s primal, dominant, and allows you to be uninhibited, which can help you learn how to be dominant in the bedroom.
A few ways to have rough sex:
- Hard, powerful thrusting – Instead of gently thrusting during penetration, go hard.
- Throw your partner around – Push, pull, and change sex position by physically moving your partner roughly, but not so roughly that you hurt them.
- Let go – Tap into your primal, inner nature and let go. Let your body lead, not your mind.
16. Consensual Non-Consent
Consensual non-consent (CNC) is a role-play scenario where you do not give consent in the moment to be dominated in bed, but it has previously been given for some activities. One common example is when you take your partner by “force,” or they take you by “force.” This is sometimes known as a rape fantasy or rape role play.
Consent is very important when engaging in a CNC role play. Your partner needs to consent to it beforehand, and they can revoke their consent at any time.
There are many ways to explore this role play:
- A burglar breaks into your house and “attacks” you.
- You are in prison and want to show your new cellmate who is the alpha.
- You “demand” relations from your spouse.
However, even waking your partner up with sex or having sex while drunk is CNC because they cannot consent in the moment. And tickling your partner who doesn’t like tickling during sex can be a devious type of consensual non-consent.
Remember, consensual non-consent requires your partner’s consent. They can revoke it at any time, in which case, you need to stop.
Speaking of role playing…
17. Sexually Dominant Role Playing
There are lots of sexual role play ideas that involve dominating your partner. Here are a few fun ones, though you might find that some work better depending on whether you want to dominate a woman or a man:
- Headmaster/Headmistress and student
- Prison guard and prisoner
- Boss and secretary
- Experienced partner and virgin
- Cop and criminal
Go deeper: I put together an entire role playing guide with 42 sex role play ideas. You may also want to check out these 35 BDSM scene ideas if you want to take it to a kinkier level.
Feel free to get creative when figuring out how to be dominant during sex.
18. Mark Your Territory
“Marking your territory” is one of those freaky sex acts that’s not for everyone, but…
It’s very dominant.
Here are a few ways to mark your territory/partner during sex:
- You can pee on your partner.
- If you have a penis, you can cum on your partner, giving them a pearl necklace or a facial. Interestingly, the data suggests that many women like facials and for their partner to cum on them.
- If you have a vulva/vagina, you can squirt on your partner.
Learn: How do I make myself squirt?
If you want something less extreme when you dominate a woman, you can also claim ownership by having your partner wear a certain piece of clothing or accessory, or even body modification, such as piercing or branding.
19. More Dominant Dirty Talk
Earlier, I mentioned how powerful dominant dirty talk can be during foreplay to build sexual tension and turn your man on.
Using dirty talk during sex is just as powerful. You can:
- Humiliate and degrade your partner with dirty talk (just make sure to get their consent first!).
- Encourage them
- Command, demand, and tell them what to do like a true femdom.
- Express your sexual desire for them.
- Let them know that you want to hear them say submissive things to you.
More: 81 sexy things to say during sex to keep it intensely passionate.
20. Penetrate Them
You can dominate your man sexually while being penetrated, but you may also find that penetrating someone helps you with learning how to be more dominant in bed.
You can dominate someone else with your fingers, a toy, or even use a strap on. The latter works well if you want to dominate a man sexually, and he’s interested in anal penetration, AKA pegging. However, you can also dominate a woman sexually with a strap on for vaginal or anal sex.
3 Tips If You Are Struggling To Be Dominant
Becoming more dominant comes naturally to some folks, while others find it nerve-wracking and difficult to summon their dominant side. Here are a few tips to help you become more dominant during sex:
1. Calmer domination – It’s ok if you don’t want to be aggressive or rough when dominating your partner. You can also try gentle femdom, which is a calmer type of domination where you are still in control. It’s still domination even if you say, “Please.” In fact, feel free to do so if it helps you with being more dominant during sex.
2. Focus on your pleasure – You can be more dominant by focusing only on your pleasure and making sure that you are satisfied, without worrying about their pleasure.
3. Pleasure dom – If you enjoy and gain satisfaction from giving your partner sexual pleasure, you may also be a pleasure dom.
A pleasure dom is someone who controls their submissive partner by providing pleasure and, in some cases, by withholding it. This way, you are still being dominant without ever needing to be rough or verbally dominant, which are never required to be sexually dominant.
You can withhold pleasure by edging your partner or using tease and denial, or some other mischievous technique for being dominant in bed.
Be yourself – Don’t try to imitate a trope. Just be you, but dominant in bed.
Final Word On Being Dominant
Dominating your partner during sex can be a lot of fun and very satisfying. There are two things that you should be aware of to make sure you get the most out of dominating your partner:
- Insisting on being dominant every single time you have sex could get a bit weird. Doing so may change the idea of domination from being something that spices up sex to something that gets boring, quickly (21 tips to spice up a blow job) if you don’t identify as a dominant.
- Get feedback from your partner and give them feedback too. Find out what types of domination you both enjoy and don’t enjoy. Over time, adjust and stop doing the less enjoyable things while focusing on what you both find exciting. That’s how you dominate your man in a way that you both like.
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In fact...
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I’ve always wanted to try switch bondage, and finally found a man who is compatible with me in nearly every way, including this. It is the most fun I have ever had sexually–incorporating dirty talk, bondage, blindfolds, gags, sensory deprivation, food and wine– stroking my man with a piece of chocolate, then licking the melted chocolate off him, feeding him a melting caramel from my mouth, giving him sips of wine while he’s blindfolded…It is all incredibly HOT, and the key is communication–it HAS to feel good to BOTH of us, or it’s not good for EITHER of us. Boy is it fun!
Can you teach me?? :0
I have recently be exploring this with a male partner since I have learned that I am more of a switch. However it is long distance and while in person I feel like I know how to do this fairly well, I could really use some pointers for portraying this in conversations. He isn’t a complete sub up to this point, but in the bedroom, he craves a female to take control while mixing pain and pleasure without the humilition factor. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
I have a problem, both me and my partner are submissive by nature. He wants me to dominate him. I used to be closed minded about it, realized I was stupid and have tried to get better. Issue is I have a difficult time enjoying it when I dominate him. He’s frustrated, pointers on being a dominant when a person doesn’t or isn’t one
Talk to your man! Let him know how you feel. It’s perfectly ok if you’re not into something he’s into.
Help, my sexual partner of 4 years has taught me so much , he released my inner freak . Last time he had me choke him and I don’t know what I’m doing! Where can I learn to do this properly? Not too much on the web about choking a male during sex that I could find.
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Note from Sean:
You can learn in this guide on how to choke your partner.
Hello;
It is sooo easy. You nag him every day to pick up after himself. You see him take a peek at another womans tits. He doesnt open the door for you. He doesn’t answer his phone when you call and freaks out when you ask him. Just get him tied up GRAB him by the balls and start squeezing until he says he is sorry then if you believe him make put some cuffs on him and get a nice foot massage if he balks kick him in the nuts…itswhat he wants right. Oh dont let me even get started about his internet porn put a cock lock on him and no more of that.
This article is so good! Honestly, when I saw this website and saw ‘5 dangerous sex life killers!’ I was like oh god here we go, poorly thought out advice behind a £50 paywall, but there’s a ton of great, free advice including safewords, health and safety and all sorts! My only criticism would be this seems to be more of a ‘bad heterosexual cisgender girl in a monogamous relationship’, so more stuff about hookups, lesbian sex, trans sex, etc. would be nice to see. As a bi, non-binary polyamourous person I’d be more than willing to write for that sort of thing! Just reply if you’re interested and I’ll get in touch!
Thanks for your comment, you’re right on the money Morgan, we’re looking into it
This was incredibly helpful! My man is a sub at heart and I’ve been trying to be more demanding and dominant in the bedroom and I can’t quite seem to get the grasp of things. I end up making a fool of myself and embarrassing him as well. Thank you! This has helped me make a huge mental leap! 😀
Thank you
My boyfriend is a sub, but he won’t admit it to himself. He has got the image of getting “pussy-whipped” I haven’t tried anything really. He is scared of pain, but he always gets in fights. Is there a way to force him to admit he isn’t any less a person by being a sub. I honestly think he is scared of his friends.
Hi Amelia,
It’s really a case of talking to your man about it. Letting him know that he ultimately has all the power thanks having a safe word is a good start.
Sean
Hi, you could get him to do small chores of self-maintenance to start with … remark that you don’t really like armpit or stomach hair and could he shave them; if he worries you might go further, reassure him but get him into the practice of beeing a bit more tidy for you; ask him to take more care of his nails and use a file to finish them; ask him to use skincare like a light face scrub and cream as part of his morning rituals (Decleor do a nice one for men) and praise him for being better kept and more handsome. At some stage remark that he likes pleasing you. Ask him to prepare a bowl with some epsom salts so you can soak your feet; ask him to dry them and rub in some body or hand lotion. Tell him that he is being so good to you, and then change that to ‘good boy’. Make him feel that everything he does for you has a little reward if only a kind word. Take him for a drink and you buy it, and tell him it is because his being good to you makes you happy and that is why you bought it, and then add the mantra that ‘my happiness is your happiness’. Gradually increase the range and scale of things … one day do his nails as a treat and buff them, or when he has washed your feet and rubbed lotion in (ie. massaged them), and they are clean, say it would make you very happy if he kissed and licked them a little, and when he does so tell him he is a good boy. Notice if he has gone hard. Tell him that you are very happy he is making such an effort. Build his confidence that his willingness to please will be rewarded. When walking down the street take his tie for a few seconds and pretend to lead him as on a leash, then give him a hot kiss in his ear and tell him you love him. Come up behind him while he is at the sink or stove and put your hands on the front of his hips and press into his bottom while giving him a lick on his ear. Tell him that you love that he wants to make you happy. Use pleasing rather than serving as the word to guide him. Sit in a chair away from the sofa and ask him to sit beside you while you talk. In bed take a firm grip on his shaft and after a few strokes ask him ‘who is in charge of this’ and keep the firm grip … he will probably say ‘you are’, and if he doesn’t release contact and remark ‘I thought you might want me to look after you’, which no doubt he will confirm, and then take a firm grip again and repeat the question. If he is really submissive I don’t think it would take much more than this and then reeinforce that there is nothing wrong with guys who want to make their girlfriends happy …. about this point tell him he is ‘such a good obedient boy’ and that you love being his mistress, and if he hesitates ask him to recognise the dynamics of your relationship and ask him if he is happy ….
Wow! Great! I’m a dominant at heart and I’ve been told my husband want me more dominant in bed. But I’ve tried a lot over the 15yrs we have been together and he always fights me.
I really hope he comes around. Once he does he will see the term pussy whipped is not a bad thing actually it is awesome. Knowing you’re Lady is happy is a great thing. Good luck Ma’am
Holy hell this article was hot. I never knew being dominated could be so fun.
My man has told me he likes “a little pain with his pleasure”. Since Ive been in mainly “vanilla” sexual relationships, this intimidated me. Im totally ok with it, finding it exciting, but have no idea how to bring myself to the point of doing it. These articles are helping me greatly!
SEAN I NEED HELP FAST!!! I am just beginning this road with with my fiance. (ALL HIS INTRODUCTION) And I think I’m really stuck in limbo on SOOOOOOO MANY things. PLEASE HELP!!!!
You should not move too fast. Years ago treating with a lady at this nice club. My girlfriend live with of 3 years and I just broke
up. I was empty inside (likely clinically depressed).This lady at club appeared almost perfect to me, physically and emotionally take charge. Our second time. at club she took me to her place. When I saw the hand cuff setup and other paraphernalia I was out of there. All I could imagine was helplessness. Lots of wisdom in this blog
I’m in a lesbian relationship and I’m usually the submissive one. But I’ve become “lazy” (that’s what she said ?).
I will try the blindfolding out and maybe tie her to a chair?!
I don’t know lol, I’m just kind of nervous.
Wish me luck
Thank you so much by the way!
I am having such a conflicting time , maybe someone here can give me some advice?
I’ve always been the submissive partner in my relationships. The other day my boyfriend confessed that he likes a dominant woman in the bedroom. Stating he’s into ” freaky shit shot and likes his women kind of evil, and cant Stand routine.”
So now here i am realizing that I don’t satisfy him completely because that’s not me. I’m the swee , submissive girl with a kinky side. So I need some ideas on what exactly I can do to try and be what he is into. My self confidence isn’t the best so I feel like i would be awkward and feel silly being dominant.
Hi, posted a comment with the same problem as your guy and then seen yours 🙂 although from your description seems she (my girl) might be apt more quickly to participate. My advice so far – 1)don’t be too nervous about that, as it will not help you. Don’t rush, but let him know you got his hint. Maybe joke about that here and there to make yourself comfortable. 2) start with something really simple, lake blindfold and/or tying his hands.
A question: what did confuse you most in the way he asked you? And how, as a girl, you would prefer to be asked by your partner for that kind of thing (or suggested if you prefer)
Welp sometimes I like to be dominated but I HATE being degraded it makes me wanna retch control away from her but its hard to tell her no she’s used to getting things her way and yeah I’m a switch and she’s full blown dominate
Hey, ladies
Kinda opposite problem here – I’m with that girl who is more or less kinky but rather on the submissive side – she “suggested” (i.e. almost told me plainly) to slap her during sex etc.
I’m trying to push her to do the other way around but althoug she seems to enjoy but a bit too shy about that; even when I eat her out she always would push for a plain intercourse; once had to almost force her to let me do my thing.
So the question is how to push her to switch roles sometimes? I find her openminded but maybe shy to take control
My husband and I have been “switching” for years.Sometimes I like to be in control,other times,controlled.It is absolutelly true to find what’s comfortable for you and him.
When I feel my “dominate woman” coming on,I do little things all day to let him know it’s that time.He always acts like,”oh no!”But inside,he’s going,”oh yeah!I’m your bitch.”We have alot of fun with it.
Hey guys,
Me and my boyfriend have been tiptoeing around the the idea of switching roles. In our everyday lives I’m used to being the dominant but during sex I can’t help but be shy and sub. I know he wants a dom in the bedroom but I just don’t know if I can let my inhibitions go. I need help.
I made my wife cum 4 times in about 10 minutes yesterday from performing oral sex on her. I asked what what she was thinking of? She said that she fantasized about hanging me from the ceiling and whipping me to death! To hear this was the biggest turn-on of my life.
You are one lucky boy!!!!
Awesome ????????
What about for the man to be more dominate when my wife want go be a sub, how to improve as a dom. Wife want to explore an i will please her by being more dominate, the kinky stuff is new for me i have always been Vanilla
The stuff in this article also applies
I don’t know what’s going on with me and mine. We went from having sex (great sex) all the time, him eating my pussy OMG!! to now NOTHING! and I’m not comfortable in myself anymore to come on to him like I use to. Because, everytime I come on to him the last 6 months or so he’s either pushed me away, said no, or just acts like I’m not kissing on him? so, ive gone from very secure in myself to NOt and scared to try. He says he’s not cheating on me and I’m sure hes not as far as having sex with someone. but I do know he’s talking to and joining chats with others. So, what’s the problem with me? what have I done to make him not want me? OLD?? NOT IN SHAPE ANYMORE? which is kinda funny since all he dated before me was bigger girls(I’m a size 3) his old girlfriends were size 14 and bigger. I don’t think I’m ugly. I just wish I knew what I did. Ive asked him whats going on. nothing he says. asked if he loves me still? wanted to be with me ? All yes answers.. Please, please help me. Ive tried your blow job and yes he said I did good that was once he let me give him a blow job. I asked him once hey let me suck your dick.. he said maybe later not in mood!! I’m so tired of being told no, or not touched! what is it? wht do I do? he’s even told me to go find someone then! since I want it and he doesn’t. WTF!
Please, just tell me wht you think? is going on because I already know what’s NOT going on.. and that’s SEX, US anything
need your help
ADS
I have these feeling 20 years then found out husband of 24 years sex addict gays trans bookstores all men clubs streetwalker he was “totally against gays and cheating” I truly was blindsided thought medically he couldn’t keep it up but found he just could keep it up for me I truly hope this isn’t your case but these ended up the facts of my life
My bf and I are new to the Ddlg (daddy dom/little girl)relationship. But it’s long distance. We discussed our boundaries and all. It’ll be two years until I move in with him. Any advice For that??
REAL DOMINANT WOMEN DONTGIVE BLOW JOBS.REAL SUBMISSIVE MALES DONT WANT BLOW JOBS.
B*LLSH*T even when I’m being dominant I love making him feel good.
My man loves when I take control. Telling him what, when, where and how reallllllly turns him on. Tying his hands to the headboard and putting a blindfold on him really turns him on. I then start putting his rings (metal) on his shafts 1 at a time. When I get them all in place, I straddle his face and demand he get me off… It’s intense, it’s fun, and totally satisfying. After about 3 hours I will allow him to fuck me, but only after he begs repeatedly. He tells me what I’m going to get and how. Dirty talk is a must!! When we get a room for the weekend, I’m not his partner, I’m his fuck bitch…Usually the rolls will switch, which is totally hot! We are both totally spent after our weekend romps!! It sure keeps the spark alive. Get rid of routine sex and get to controlling him. I usually send a text on a Thursday and TELL him, “Get a room, pack our toys and tell me where you will be” His answer is “Yes, my sexy fuck bitch”
Try it.. This is our weekend!! I won’t be able to walk on Monday!!!!
My husband used to be dominant in bed. We switched a couple of times a few years ago and I loved being dominant. I quicky learned his weaknesses that make it impossible for him to resist. He cannot resist me when I wear a sexy pair of boots and now he kneels on command. Although I do not smoke, I discovered that he finds a women smoking seductive – so I have an occasional cigarette and order him to light it and then kneel. I love to place him in tight bondage and watch my strong man struggle helplessly. I also love to deny him and order him to please me! My formally dominant husband is now my submissive and he now wears an engraved collar.
I LOVE being dominated by a pretty woman. Especially being pinned down, sat on, facesat (with her clothing one, ie; Panties, shorts etc.) Slapped a bit, all that good stuff. Its not very easy finding a woman into this and equally as ard trying to bring it up to a girlfriend/female friend for risk of being looked upon as a creep or freak. Ladies, if this is something you enjoy, take it upon yourselves to try it. Youd be surprised how many men are into it, yet reluctant to bring it up in the bedroom.
Hello..
I am new to this! My husband has been apart of the lifestyle for so long and just recently I’ve learned in interested in being dominant he’s always wanted me to be dominant but I always said no.. Whay brought me to try it out was a friend and I were talking one day and we got on to the topic and then I started to research and read more on it.. I even wrote a couple little fantasy stories that I had kept secret because I didn’t think they were good but my husband found them one day and learned I do have a dominant side… But my biggest problem is bringing it out in the bedroom and not just through words.. Over the weekend I had a few drinks and I was feeling good.. We came home and all of a sudden like I was dominant I was doing it but I couldn’t before.. I really enjoyed it… But I don’t know if can bring it out being sober… How do I become more relaxed with it when I’m sober… I can text all day and create fantasies but I can’t bring it out when I’m in the bedroom and I know it’s tgere!
It can take time. So think about how to gradually be more dominant.
You on top during sex, then the next time pinning his arms while you’re on top, then the following time pinning his arms while you’re on top and something extra. Each time you add in a little more dominance.
You don’t have to do it all at once.
Equally, you can try being more dominant by being a bit drunk, but slightly less than last time. Then slightly less again the next time. And so on, until you are being dominant without being drunk at all.
This is so helpful! I have 2 men wanting me to be dominant, my husband and my lover. I can play the part in texting and a little in person, but I feel silly, like I want to laugh. Anyway, both of them just always want me to ride their face and my lover has told me he wants to be my slave and fuck boy. I want to please him so much in this way. I think he’s always in charge all day w/work that he wants to be used and pushed around a little. And btw, I totally think giving blow jobs is dominant. I love doing it and will whether he wants to or not (which they always do).Need help with my lover cumming way too soon though! My husband can go for hours.
My partner wants me to be dominant and controlling how do I do that and how can I be the one in control
Can anyone help me
The guide above should help, but you may also want to check out these femdom ideas for more advice.
I actually want my woman to dominate me . She let’s me tie her up sometimes and I love it. I love watching her body as I engage in orgasm denial with extreme tease and forced orgasms. But I’d love it if she would dominate me and my prostrate.
Ask her!
I’m struggling so much with this! My man is a switch and sometimes asks me to tell him what to do during sex. However, I am 100% Sub, and am super uncomfortable with anything involving me being a Domme. I enjoy not knowing what he’s going to do to me next or not knowing what he’s going to tell me to do to him. I like it most when he just takes what he wants from me. And when he asks me to tell him what to do, I can’t really think of anything I actually want except for him to use me in whatever way he wants. I’ve told him that I don’t enjoy being dominant, it does nothing for me, and even some of the psychological reasons that I am aware of why I am the way I am. He has said he understands, but still gets in moods where he wants to be dominated, and when he asks, I just kind of mentally and emotionally shut down. I want to give him what he wants, but I just don’t think I will ever be able.
Is there any way for me to learn how to act in a way that is completely opposite from my personality? Or is there a way to get him to understand that I just can’t do what he’s asking of me? I feel so awful when he asks me to be dominant, it upsets me when he asks.
Talk to him and let him know how you feel.
My boyfriend and I are both switches, and I feel like I haven’t been engaging with his submissive side enough. He always makes sure I’m receiving pleasure, and he doesn’t really like to talk about his submissive side or things that I could do better as a domme. Are there any tips for slowly introducing my dominance into our romantic relationship so he feels more comfortable opening up about his submissive desires? I want to talk to him before I try any sexual dominance, but he will probably feel guilty and think that he is forcing me into it.
“I want to talk to him before I try any sexual dominance”
This is important. Talk and talk so more. Be open and share how you feel too.
As long as you are both comfortable, try it. See what happens. Maybe you like it. Maybe you don’t
I’m here because I googled: “ why does my 48 year old husband turn me down for sex” .. just like April above said, we use to have hot wonderful daily sex. I’m lucky if we do I it once every 2 weeks. He says he’s tired, he smokes cigarettes and drinks too much, he wants quick 5 minutes morning sex or he watches porn on his phone. I wasn’t feeling well for 6 months of last year- I never turned him away but we slowed down a bit. I’m getting self conscious as I’m getting older. I worry he is no longer attracted to me- or worse- he prefers porn. He says he loves me but I don’t understand why the drastic change in sex? He’s pushed me away when I tried to go down on him and at night he’ll cuddle and say- “now don’t get excited. It makes me feel so bad and it also makes me feel stupid and angry. I don’t want to sleep in the same bed because I’m ashamed. I worry he’s got someone else but he works from home and it would be hard to hide from me. I worry he’s gay or into something I can’t offer. I hope this is only temporary. I’m heartbroken because he’s everything to me.
My advice: Talk to him.
It’s natural for a man’s libido to drop as he ages, but a sharp sudden drop is not usual.
It could be sign of other health problems or it could be something else.
In the end, talking to him is the only way to find out exactly what it is.
So I am almost completely a soft sub by nature but my partner is a switch and wants me to be more dominant and I often get scared and shy away from it. Can anyone help or give me tips?
The guide above should help.
A new guy I seeing wants me to dominate him and treat him like a puppy.
I’m totally into this and willing to try but I’m afraid I’m to awkward and may not say/ do the right things.
How do I figure out the right things to say and do? When do I know if I took it too far. I don’t want to push him away.
Ask him. Have a little bit of alcohol beforehand to help loosen up, but not too much!
My wife and I have lately thought of some more changes to make our marriage more resemble a Femdom relationship. I have problems orgasming and I’m still a young guy. She gives me some kink to help me to have sex which turns me on and gets my motor running. I found out I’m going to need her permission to do more things and I’ll see where this goes.
My GF and I were both on the sub side, early on we came up with a token (Lapis) that we would trade back and forth. Whoever had the token was dom and had the option of surrendering it. It was a very stimulating arrangement
It was taken to a whole new level when we shared it with her housemates. One female, one male, with significant others. Mix the tokens, mix the partners (m or f) and a weekend of memories was made.
I’m dating a boy who wants to be in control in bed even though the two times we were together I didn’t let him finish or give him oral because he didn’t do it to me either he keeps sending me messages and I find him very excited I’m going crazy to see him begging me horny and I don’t let him finish I want to tie him up and I play with his orgasm after first finishing in his mouth to dominate every part of his body and then give him the most intense and powerful orgasm he has ever had in his life, how will I tell him to let me play with his prostate and tie him up? I don’t want to let him dominate me, it’s clear from one side he says he doesn’t want to from the other, but he insists and when I see him begging me to let him finish, I’m nervous, he’s getting into my game, that is, but I can see a phobia in leaving any ideas?
I want to try my hand at being the dominant one in my relationship with my fiancé. It’s been a fantasy of mine for a while. We’ve talked about it before but nothing ever came of it. I’ve always been so nervous to do it because I’ve always been the submissive one in the relationship. I have no idea where to start. I feel like I want to do the rough side of it, but I also want to be the loving one that rewards for good behavior. How do I even begin? I just don’t want it to change things in my relationship. I love LOVE when he’s in control and the pain aspect he shows me, but I also want to try my hand at it as well but don’t want it to ruin things. He’s totally open to me doing it.
You may also want to check out our gentle femdom guide.