Below you will learn 162 dominant things to say to your sub that can make you feel more confident and dominant while making your partner feel more submissive and turned on. We cover what to say to your sub during all types of domination, from being sensually dominant to being rough with your sub. We even cover what to say if your sub is acting bratty. You can skip straight to the examples phrases to say to your sub, but I recommend that you keep reading about the different types of domination…
Different Types of Domination
If you think that all dominant things you say to your submissive should be harsh, cruel, or degrading, think again! Different kinds of submissives and dominats exist. That means the things you say to your sub might sound quite different from what another dom says to theirs.
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Sensual domination – Sensual domination is all about arousing your partner’s senses and can be pretty gentle.
Brat taming – Brats tamers, on the other hand, have to be stern enough to show their brats who’s boss but not so extreme that they’ll hurt feelings.
Read More: What Is Brat BDSM?
Degradation/Humiliation – On the other hand, those who are into degradation kink might say things to their subs that seem extreme to others.
These are just a few flavors of domination or D/s relationships.
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Some people make the mistake of saying dominant things that don’t match their style of domination or personality in general. That’s one reason why you might freeze up when the time comes to give instructions or praise to your submissive partner!
Keep this in mind when deciding on BDSM role play ideas.
The key is to be yourself… But dominant. Not imitate a trope you see in the movies, especially if that’s not what you or your submissive wants.
Caring dominance – But even if you’re firm when the situation calls for it, there are times when you’ll want to show your caring dom side.
Some of the dominant things to say in the examples below will overlap or seem similar to dominant dirty talk in other categories. Often, you only need to change the tone of your voice rather than the words you say to change how your partner receives it–and its effect on them!
Of course, you can change what you say, but often only changing a few things can have a significant impact. For example, adding your partner’s nickname as you soften your voice can completely change the vibe of what you’re saying.
Keep that in mind as you consider these dominant things to say in bed. Otherwise, you could find yourself trying to reinvent the wheel when all you need is a little adjustment to find the perfect thing to say to your sub
Go deeper: 19 different dominant types.
11 Sensually Dominant Things To Say To Your Sub
Sensual domination is all about treating the senses, so the focus is often on textures and other physical sensations (more about sensual domination). However, there will be plenty of opportunities to speak to your submissive.
If you’re focusing on sensation, be aware of how you use your voice. Softer and huskier tones not only match the tone of this play better but can also be a form of sensation play. For example, you might want to make sure your partner feels your breath when you speak close to their ear.
- You look so good when I touch you.
- Close your eyes.
- You’re going to feel me touch your [body part] with [body part or item].
- You should see how good you look right now.
- Focus on how this feels.
- Describe how this feels to me.
- I’m going to seduce you now.
- I’m going to make you feel so good.
- Stay very still for me.
- You’re going to like how this feels.
- You’ll feel your other senses heighten after I blindfold you.
Finally, don’t think you need to say anything. A moan, sigh, or growl can each be incredibly expressive without using any words at all!
More: Here are a further 73 dirty phrases to say to your man.
10 Positive Things to Say To Your Sub
The phrases below work great if your D/s relationship and style of dominance are sweeter and more caring. They also work well if you simply want to offer praise and encouragement to your partner.
- You’re doing such a good job. (This is the perfect thing to say if they are giving you a blow job)
- You know just how I like it.
- I love how hard you try for me.
- You’re mommy/daddy’s good girl/boy.
- I’ll let you choose your reward this time.
- You can do it.
- I adore your [body part].
- I can’t wait to show you off.
- I knew you could do it.
- You look incredible like that.
Although the ideas above are a bit basic, you can imagine how some descriptive language could really elevate them–and your experience.
Psst, did you know that some people just love hearing that they’ve done an excellent job?! It’s called a praise kink, and it’s hot!
14 Strict, Dominant Things To Say To Your Sub
You probably aren’t strict with your sub all the time, but when you need to hand out a punishment to help train them or a stern command to make sure they obey, the following phrases can be helpful.
- You have until the count of 3 to do as I say.
- Did I say you could stop/get up?
- You will come only if and when I say so.
- I say when you use the bathroom.
- Don’t talk back to me.
- You don’t get to come yet.
- Get on your knees, now.
- You will do as I say.
- Address me as “Master/Mistress.”
- Assume the position. (Learn over 100 sex positions)
- Strip. (Discover how to strip for your man)
- Pleasure me. (Learn how to pleasure a man completely)
- If you disobey me, I will be forced to punish you.
- I won’t repeat myself.
Keep in mind that being strict is not the same as being cruel. You might be forceful when giving commands to your sub, but your words and actions should benefit your partner in some way, even if your focus is on training them.
Remember, that you’re still responsible for your partner’s wellbeing. So you’ve got to know how to use your words and your tools without causing harm. This means understanding subspace, too.
10 Degrading Things To Say To Your Sub
For some people, nothing gets them wetter or harder than being degraded. So for them, the following dominant phrases might just hit the spot.
- Is that the best you can do?
- How are you supposed to please me with that?
- If you can’t do it right, I’ll find someone who can.
- Is it in yet?
- I’ll show everyone how small/bad/ugly it is.
- You’re lucky I still choose to be with you.
- I knew you were a dirty slut/whore/bitch. (Learn how to be slutty for your partner)
- That mouth is only good for catching cum.
- A penis that small/ugly/useless is hilarious.
- Are you even worth my attention?
Beware that some people especially dislike being degraded and that certain words may be triggering while others are just fine. So you don’t want to upset your partner, make sure to talk to them first about dominating them in a degrading or humiliating way before actually doing it.
This guide on sexual communication should help get the conversation started.
20 Dominant Things To Say When Being Rough With Your Sub
If you’re a dom who likes rough sex, it’s a great time to try out some dominant dirty talk.
- Be good, and it’ll be easier/faster.
- You make me like this.
- Are you ready to choke on my cock? (More on choking your partner during sex)
- Open your mouth. Now.
- I can take it, or you can give it to me. Your choice. (This works well with a CNC kink)
- Your slut pussy exists for me to fuck it.
- What kind of a slut gets off like you just did/do?
- You’re such a dirty whore that sucking my cock/eating my pussy gets you off, doesn’t it?
- I warned you that I was going to give it to you tonight.
- This is what you get when you’re so sexy.
- Spread yourself open so that I can see you.
- You know that I can have you any time I want.
- Crawl over here.
- Get on your knees.
- Whose pussy/cock is this? (They respond “Yours”)
- Tell me how badly you want it.
- Don’t you dare fucking stop.
- Do you want my cock/pussy?
- You better count every spanking. (Learn how to spank your husband)
- Do you think that’s bad? I’m just getting started.
18 Dominant Mommy/Daddy Things To Say To Your Submissive
Some people enjoy playing Mommy or Daddy to their “little.” In fact, it’s a fairly common way to be a dom. If this is your situation, the things you say to your sub will reflect your care and responsibility and their tendency to be in need of that care and leadership.
- You’re my girl/boy.
- Come to Mommy/Daddy.
- Shhh. Let me take care of it.
- I’m so proud of you.
- I’m here to protect you.
- You’re such an angel.
- You did such a good job; you know that, right?
- You’re my prince/princess.
- Sit on my lap.
- I love taking care of you.
- Let me help you with that, sweetheart.
- Relax, Mommy/Daddy is here for you now.
- I’m going to take care of you now.
- You’re so cute/pretty.
- Because I said so.
- Be a good boy/girl and do X.
- Watch your mouth/tone/language.
- Mommy/Daddy says you can’t play today.
You submissive may also want to check out our in-depth guide on how to be submissive.
15 Things To Say To A Bratty Sub
If your submissive is a brat and you’re a brat tamer, you might struggle when it comes to things to say to your sub. This relationship is often characterized by the brat’s need to push back, which forces the dominant to wrangle them into submission.
Although a bratty submissive may be rebellious, don’t confuse this with topping from the bottom. The dom is still in charge and issues dominant commands. However, the sub needs to know they’re cared for and that their dominant is truly in control.
So the best things to say to your bratty sub should reflect that:
- You’re such a brat.
- Why are you being so naughty?
- Are you sure you want to test me?
- You’ll regret saying/doing that.
- Do you want another spanking?
- You better be careful about pushing my buttons.
- What do you have to say to yourself?
- I can take care of that attitude.
- I’ll show you pain/boredom.
- You’re not the one who’s in charge here.
- Don’t make me spank/punish you.
- Did I say you could get up/move/stop?
- I decide when you will come.
- Say “Thank you” when I spank you.
- You don’t want to see what I can do to you.
15 Things To Say To Your Sub Pet
The dominant things you say depend entirely on your relationship. If your sub is a pony, kitty, puppy, or another animal within the realm of BDSM pet play, the things you say to your sub might sound a little different. Keep reading to see what we mean.
- Roll over
- Play dead
- Lap up your milk/water
- Come here
- On your back
Many of these are dominant commands similar to what you’d say when communicating with an actual pet. Some dominants even use treats, rewards, and praise to teach their human pets tricks.
If you’re not into pet play and learning tricks, you might want to check out these submissive tasks instead.
The things to say to your sub depend on what pet they play specifically. Puppies and ponies are pretty different, for example. Fortunately, it’s easy enough to get into the headspace with the right costumes/gear and props.
13 Dominant Phrases To Use With Your Service Submissive
Service submission is all about meeting the dom’s needs. A service sub can be a partner, parent, assistant, sex slave, domestic service, accountant, chef, massage therapist, or landscaper, to name just a few options. Obviously, it would be nearly impossible for one person to fill every role, but having a service submissive certainly makes it easier to keep your life organized and satisfying!
Because they’re here to serve you, the following dominant things to say to your sub will often be commands and instructions that clarify how to do those tasks:
- Make me [item/food/drink].
- Do [activity].
- Bring me [item].
- I expect dinner will be waiting for me when I get home.
- Does that look clean to you?
- Fetch me a drink/snack/meal.
- If you want to come, you need to do [task].
- Thank you.
- Rub my [body part].
- Service me sexually.
- Make our guests comfortable.
- Prepare the [item].
- Get my [item] ready.
While a dominant can provide detailed instructions to their partner, service submissives can learn to do things precisely as their partner likes them and even anticipate their dominant’s needs, so precise instructions will no longer be necessary.
Similarly, a dominant may come to trust their submissive to handle daily or routine activities without intense oversight. That means you don’t have to think of quite so many things to say to your sub.
12 Dominant Things To Say To A Male Submissive
The following dominant things you can say to your guy are perfect if you love to take control.
Related: 33 Wild Femdom Ideas.
- Your cock belongs to me.
- Did I say you can get hard? (Perfect when paired with a ruined orgasm or chastity device)
- You look so good in those panties. (To humiliate your submissive)
- That’s right, just like that.
- Don’t come until I tell you to.
- Fuck me harder!
- You’ll regret it if you come before I do.
- Your asshole is mine. (Prove it by pegging your man)
- You’re such a gorgeous man.
- Do you want me to step on your cock?
- Get on all fours so that I can abuse your ass.
- You just can’t help but get hard, can you?
Psst, if you are nervous about domming, check out our guide on how to be dominant in the bedroom during sex.
12 Dominant Things To Say To Your Female Sub
Although you don’t necessarily need to cater what you say to your sub based on their gender, some things work better for women than for men.
- You’re such a good girl.
- Who’s my sweet girl?
- You’re so wet for me.
- You’re my dirty cocksucking whore. Repeat it. (Learn how to deep throat your man with gagging).
- Are you so wet because you’ve been thinking about me taking you whenever I please?
- I’m going to come in that tight/sweet/hot ass/pussy/mouth.
- I’m not done with your pussy/clit yet.
- Time to try out the new breast harness I learned.
- Are you my greedy little slut?
- If you’re a good girl, I’ll let you play with yourself later.
- Show me how you like your pussy touched.
- I picked out your panties for later.
12 Dominant Things To Say To Your Sub Over Text
If you want to remind your sub of your dominance over text, many of the sexually dominant things to say above translate easily into text messages. However, some phrases work better as dominant things to say in bed.
Luckily, you can adapt a lot of your dominant dirty talk for use over text. You can even use pauses and ellipsis to generate drama. Plus, some things only work over text:
- Show me what you’re doing.
- Stop what you’re doing, go to the bathroom, and take a picture for me.
- You better be naked and ready to please me when I get home.
- Stop everything and masturbate. Imagine it’s me touching you. After two minutes, go back to your day.
- I’m going to force your legs apart when I see you next.
- Garter and stockings. Bodytight dress. Lipstick. Be ready.
- I’ve been thinking about how I can reward you for being such a good sub lately.
- Describe what you’re wearing.
- Practice your begging until you see me.
- Write a note about how much you want me and tuck it into your panties. I’ll remove it later.
- Send me a photo of your clothing options for today/tonight. Then, I’ll make the final decision.
- You better be good while I’m away.
Want more ideas like this, including how to degrade your sub over text? Check out our guide to being dominant over text.
Now that you’ve got plenty of ideas for things to say to your submissive, you might be pretty eager to give them a try. If you’ve already experimented with bedroom bondage or have an established D/s relationship and consider yourself part of the BDSM lifestyle, you might be able to use some of these sayings without talking about it beforehand.
But if you and your partner haven’t experimented with D/s or you want to say something more extreme than usual, it’s worth discussing it beforehand. You don’t need to tell your submissive partner exactly what you’ll say. Instead, you can just give them an idea of the overall change. For example, you could tell them you want to try saying some humiliating things.
- BDSM contracts can outline limits, health concerns, and safe words and may be used for a single session or an entire relationship
- Safe words are a must-have BDSM safety precaution that allows either of you to stop or pause play.
- Aftercare helps you get back to your regular self after a scene and can help even if that scene wasn’t super intense.
Finally, just because you have an idea of how to talk to a sub doesn’t mean you can give dominant commands to any submissive. A submissive doesn’t owe anyone their submission. Certain things are only reserved for their dom, and that’s a relationship they have to enter into freely.
This is something newbie doms can forget. It’s all too easy to view any interaction with a submissive as an opportunity to flex your dominant muscles. But you need to earn trust, respect, and the right to do that first!
Remember that you should respect submissives even if they’re not collared by someone else.
Combining the guidelines and dominant things to say above can bring your sex life or D/s relationship to a new level. It can also help you feel more confident as a dom! Remember, if something doesn’t work for you, it’s fine to tailor it or opt for something else that does work. What you say to your sub should reflect your relationship, after all.
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