I can't publish my most intense and wild sex tips online, so I send them in my private and discreet email newsletter. You can find out more here.
This sexting guide will show you how to smoothly and confidently start sexting with your partner. I’ve broken these sexting tips into 4 sections and have also included 796 sexting examples, phrases and lines to send your man.
Here’s how the guide is structured:
Side Note: I put together this in-depth assesment that will uncover just how good you are at sexting and talking dirty to your man. It may uncover some uncomfortable truths, or you may discover that you are already a queen at sexting & dirty talk. Click here to take my quick (and shockingly accurate) “Sexting & Dirty Talking Skills” Quiz right now and find out how good your sexting & dirty talking skills really are...
- How to confidently start sexting your man – 5 simple steps. These are first time sexting tips; skip to section 2 if you are already comfortable with sexting your man.
- 13 sexting tips, ideas and scenarios to drive your man wild
- 796 sexting examples, phrases & lines to send your man
- Sexting troubleshooting & help
How To Confidently Start Sexting Your Man
Like with all sexual acts, you need to start to sext by ensuring both you and your man consent to sending and receiving sexy text messages.
Next, I advise you to…
1. Start Small
If you’ve been thinking about sexting your man for a while, it may feel difficult to start:
What should I say?
Related: If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
How explicit should I be?
What if he thinks it’s weird?
Don’t worry. There is a simple solution to what you text him so that you don’t get rejected and will make him react positively. You just need to start with something small and low-key, and then build from there. Here are some examples:
- Last night was so hot
- I had a dream about you
- I keep thinking about you kissing me
These messages don’t even seem that wild, right?
They are really just compliments that have the potential to move the conversation in a naughtier direction.
Once your man responds positively to one of these hot compliments, you can slowly ramp up the explicitness and intensity of your sexts.
And if he immediately changes the topic, then don’t stress.
Wait a few days, and then send another light and sexy text like the ones above.
It may take a bunch of different sexy texts over a number of weeks before your man finally bites and replies with one of his own.
2. Compliments Are The Perfect First Sext
Sending that first sexy text message can be nerve-wracking.
You want to send something that steers the conversation in a sexy direction and…
It needs to be something that doesn’t get you rejected or freak out your man.
This is why genuine compliments are perfect for your first sext.
It moves the conversation in a naughtier direction, and it’s almost weird for your man to respond negatively. It forces him to respond positively. Here are 4 examples of compliments for your man that you can send as the first sext:
- I love feeling your body on mine
- You’ve got this way of kissing me that makes me melt
- You looked so hot last night in that shirt/jeans/suit/etc
- I was thinking about you last night before I fell asleep
All of these complements are quite subtle while inviting your man to respond and keep the conversation moving forward in a sexier direction.
When he starts replying positively with his own sexy texts, you then need to….
3. Build Up, Slowly
After getting a positive response from your man to your initial sexting, you may feel like opening the floodgates and unleashing every fantasy and kink upon him through text. In most cases…
This would be a mistake
Instead, you need to slowly build up your sexting from tame to hot to intense to completely wild.
This way you, will never accidentally push things too far too fast and freak out your man. This also applies to slow, sensual sex.
This slow buildup could take 2-3 days or it could be over the course of 2-3 months. So, the question is…
How fast should I go? – My rule of thumb when you first start sexting with your man is to move slightly slower than you think you should.
This way you, will always leave him wanting more and you never risk going overboard. The funny thing is that…
It’s usually the guys who push things too fast and freak out their female partners!
While slowly building up your sexting, you also need to give and get feedback from your man…
4. Get Feedback (& Give It Too!)
Now that you have initiated sexting with your man, I highly recommend that you give and get feedback on what you both like and don’t like.
Giving feedback – The best way to give feedback is with a “compliment sandwich.” This is where you “sandwich” constructive feedback between two compliments.
- Start by letting your man know the kinds of sexts that you really like him to send you and explain why you find them hot.
- Next, let him know what you want less of.
- Finally, finish off by complimenting his skills again and telling him how his sexting makes you feel.
When to give feedback – My advice is to only give this kind of feedback in person, where you can explain the nuances of what you are saying. Giving constructive feedback through text messages can lead to misunderstandings.
Lying in bed together after sex is a great time to give him feedback.
Consider Your Audience – In some ways, sexting is a lot like sex. It’s a back-and-forth between you and your partner, so, ideally, you both should enjoy it and consider what the other wants.
Sexting isn’t so much fun when your partner ignores what you like. If you’re a woman who’s received an unwanted dick pic, you know exactly what I’m talking about! That’s why it’s crucial to consider who your partner is and what they want and prioritize that over general sexting tips.
For example, some people might not like to sext at work or while family or kids are around. Others may prefer to use apps that delete photos immediately or stick to pictures that only hint at nudity instead of sending nudes. Use your knowledge of your partner whenever you start a sexting conversation.
But even if you follow this sexting guide, you might occasionally send a sext that your partner doesn’t love, so you need to be open to feedback.
Receiving feedback – Guys are strange animals. You can try asking him directly what he enjoys about your sexting and he might tell you precisely what he likes, or….
He might curl up into a protective ball like a hedgehog and give you a non-answer.
If he is more likely to hold back his true thoughts, my advice is to ask him questions with two choices. For example:
- Do you prefer it when I send you dominant text messages or submissive ones?
- Do you prefer it when I sext you about kinky things or more sensual, loving sex?
- Would you like me to sext you about my sexual fantasies or about something like consensual non-consent?
Now that you are sexting your man and giving each other feedback on what you enjoy, you need to keep encouraging him…
5. Encourage Your Man
To make sexting a positive and fun experience, you must encourage him and let him know how much you like it when he sends you naughty messages.
This is similar to what I said in the previous sections, and I am repeating it because some women (& men) forget the importance of encouraging their partner.
Tell him that it turns you on. You can do this when replying to his sexts, but it’s often easier to let him know that you like sexting during a casual conversation or even after sex. Encourage him in whatever way you find easiest.
Related: Tips for guys on how to turn on their female partner and make her horny.
You could even mention a specific sext he sent you and casually tell him that you masturbated after reading it.
Related: 14 masturbation tips for women for stronger orgasms.
Or if you want to be more subtle, just tell him that you found it hot and that sometimes you re-read it.
13 Sexting Tips, Ideas & Scenarios To Drive Your Man Wild
Once you’ve mastered sexting 101 are comfortable with sexting your man, I highly recommend that you try some of the below sexting tips, ideas, scenarios, and strategies to take it to the next level.
1. That Was So Hot When You…
This is probably the easiest way to sext your man. Simply describe the most amazing sex you’ve had together through text messages. He’ll likely respond similarly and recalling the event will become a collaborative project, even if he’s never considered reading a guide to sexting!
Some tips to make it sound extra intense:
- Start by telling him you were thinking about that time together, “I was thinking about that time in the hotel together last year…”
- Then tell him how you felt beforehand, “I just thought we were going to spend a chill weekend together. Little did I know…”
- Then describe the buildup, “But when you pushed me on the bed, you lit a fuse inside me. I’ve never felt so turned on.”
- Describe exactly what he physically did to you, “Feeling your dominance as you pinned me down, I felt totally helpless against you. As you pushed my panties to the side and I felt you slide inside me, I thought I was going to pass out with pleasure.” Tips on how to satisfy a woman.
- Describe how you felt emotionally, “I felt lost to you. Completely dominated by you. I just wanted you so bad.”
- Describe the pleasure, “With each thrust, I could feel the pressure building. And building. I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t want to stop it. You pushed me right over the edge and I exploded in ecstasy over and over.“
The sexting examples I’ve given in each step are very short. Feel free to use multiple paragraphs to describe each step of the best sex you’ve ever had.
2. I Had This Fantasy Where…
This sexting idea is similar to the previous one, with one major difference…
Through text messages, you are going to describe a fantasy you have to your man, that you haven’t yet experienced in real life. Here are some tips to make describing it easy:
- Start by telling him you have a fantasy, “I was thinking about this fantasy I had last night…”
- Describe how it makes you feel and why, “It makes me so aroused just thinking about you being submissive for me. I think it’s because you are usually the dominant one during sex.”
- Describe the buildup and foreplay, “We’re in our bedroom, getting ready for bed. You start getting handsy with me, but I push your hands away. You’re disappointed, but I then pull out a pair of handcuffs, push you onto the bed and cuff your hands to the top of the bed.”
- Physically describe the sex, “I tear your pants off and start riding you in the cowgirl position. I slowly run my hand towards your neck and start to gently choke you.“
- Describe the emotions, “You’re shocked but helpless as I continue to sensually dominate you. You start to get closer to orgasm as you can see me enjoying sex and the power I have over you.“
- Describe the pleasure, “As I rub my clit against you, I can feel myself getting closer and closer until I have one of the most intense orgasms of my life. I stop grinding and collapse on top of you before you get a chance to come ;)”
Again, I have given very brief sexting examples of what you can say in each step. Feel free to write 100s of words and multiple paragraphs for each step.
3. Build Sexual Tension By Describing What You Are Going To Do Together
A great way to build sexual tension with your man is to describe what you are going to do to him later.
Text him a description of what you are going to do and lay out all the details. It could be a BDSM role play or having rough sex or even exploring gentle femdom.
At it’s simplest, you are texting him a story of what’s about to happen.
The key is slowly describing the build up, what you are going to physically do to him and how much you are looking forward to it….
- Describing the buildup: “I’m going to get home at about 6 pm. When I do, we’re going to go upstairs and you’re going to sit down on the bed.”
- Describing what you are going to physically do to him: “I’m going to slowly take off your pants and take you into my mouth. Then, I’m going to use some of the wild blow job techniques I just read about. But you’re not going to come straight away. I’m going to repeatedly edge you over and over until you can’t take it anymore. Then, when you finally beg me, I will take you deep in my mouth.”
- Describe how you are looking forward to it “Anyway, I can’t wait to see you later :)”
Sending him these sex messages in the morning before you see him that evening is great to keep him thinking about you all day long.
Doing it a few days before you see him is even better. He’ll be anticipating the moment he sees you for days!
The 243 ideas in our sex bucket list should help you come up with more ideas of things to describe in detail as you sext your man.
4. Build Sexual Tension By Being Less Explicit
A lot of the advice I have given so far has been very explicit and straight to the point.
Men love this, but…
If you are only sending your man explicit messages describing exactly what you are going to do to him, then you are missing out on one of the best ways to sext!
You also need to send him less explicit messages that are slightly vague. These vague messages build sexual tension because they force his mind to fill in the gaps and imagine what you mean.
This is especially powerful if you are not going to see each other for a while, like if you’re in a long-distance relationship (which might naturally teach you how to start sexting because you’re not available to each other in person).
Here are some examples:
- I keep thinking about you before I fall asleep.
- I just saw something that reminded me of [sexy shared memory]
- I can’t wait to feel your arms around me.
- I’m not sure if I will be able to control myself around you when I see you.
- I wish you were with me when I was showering earlier 😉
Notice how all of these sexts aren’t particularly explicit, and they don’t give him everything?
That’s the key. And it builds sexual tension.
5. Tell Him How He Makes You Feel
If you are stuck, trying to figure out what to sext your man, then try this…
Tell him how he makes you feel.
- I feel so small when you’re on top of me
- You make me feel so submissive when you’re aggressive during sex
- I feel so loved when you hold me
- I feel so turned on when you look me deep in my eyes
- I get so horny when you spank me
- I felt so emotional when we had sex last week when you were on top of me in the Missionary position
It’s simple, hot and honest.
6. Role Play
Sexting is great if you like the idea of role playing with your man.
You get to explore your fantasies and different sides of your personality, and…
By doing it virtually, there’s a lot less pressure than trying it in real life.
Before you dive in, my advice is to first talk to your man to figure out what role playing ideas turn both of you on.
Tips: How to turn a guy on FAST.
Some role playing ideas to try:
- Boss & secretary
- Prisoner & prison guard
- Master & slave
- Cheating spouse & side piece
Make sure to check out our guide with 42 freaky role play ideas for couples to get some ideas.
Once you’ve decided on a role play to try with your man, then it’s a simple case of sexting your man. Here’s some examples of the sexts you can send your man when roleplaying a boss and secretary:
- I’m so sorry I was late for work, sir. Am I in trouble?
- I know we have to work late tonight. Is there something I can do to make it easier?
- Do you need me to accompany you on your work trip?
- I wore these new heels for you, what do you think?
7. Masturbate & Sext
Have you ever had phone sex where you both masturbate while talking to each other?
You can also do this while sexting each other. It’s simple. Here are 3 different things you can describe and text your man about while masturbating:
- What you are physically doing to yourself while masturbating. Maybe you are using a vibrator or using a dildo or you are fingering yourself.
- What the pleasure feels like. These descriptions of what an orgasm feels like should give you some ideas of what to say.
- What you are masturbating to. Memories of him? His voice right now? The scene he is describing to you?
Read: How to masturbate for intense pleasure.
8. Make Him Feel Wanted
This sexting tip is super powerful if you want to turn him on quickly
Tell your man you want him. Literally text him:
I want you.
When learning how to sext, you’ll find that this sentence alone is powerful, but you can make it even stronger by adding some details:
- I want you so bad right now
- I want to feel your body on top of mine
- I want to feel you in my arms, close to me
- I want to feel you tense up as you orgasm and come inside me
- I want to taste you
9. Ask Him Sexy Questions
Sometimes it’s easier for your man to do most of the work when sexting, especially if you’re really struggling with the question, “How do you sext?”
What’s the best way to get him to do most of the work?
Ask him questions.
I’ve put together a few different guides with some of the hottest, dirtiest questions:
- 69 dirty questions to ask your man and turn him on
- 112 hot and sexy truth or dare questions
- 51 sexy “never have I ever” questions
10. Leave Him Wanting More
Getting everything you want, whenever you want is…
Unsatisfying.
Let me explain…
It *should* feel great NOT to have to work hard and NOT to wait for something you want, but our inner psychology doesn’t work like this.
Waiting, working hard, and then finally earning something is so much more satisfying.
Your man should feel the same with your sexting.
Rather than giving him everything he wants, whenever he wants…
Sometimes, you should hold back. Leave him wanting more.
With this in mind, you should try sending him:
- Less explicit and less intense sext messages
- More romantic and caring messages. Tips for having romantic sex.
- Flirty text messages where you are building sexual tension. Tips on how to flirt with your man.
- Messages that draw out sexting scenes instead of getting straight to the point
A word of warning: Doing this every time you sext your man would be infuriating. However, doing it 10-30% of the time can be enough to spice up sex through sexting.
11. Send Pictures & Videos, But Be Careful
Sending each other sexy pictures and videos can be red-hot, but…
Naturally, there is the risk that, somehow, they will be shared with the world.
Perhaps intentionally by your man or perhaps his phone is stolen or your account is hacked. You can’t predict it.
How to avoid anxiety – Rather than sending nudes and spending all your time worrying that your man is sharing them with his friends, my advice is to assume that anything you send your man will be shared with others, so…
You should only send him pictures and videos that you would be comfortable with others seeing.
This way, you never have to waste mental energy worrying if/when it will happen.
However, you might stick to photos that do not show your face or any identifying mark/tattoo if you’re worried about privacy.
Now, some advice on sending sexy pictures and videos to your man, starting with the least risky sexting help/advice and finish with the riskiest:
Send sexy but non-explicit pics/videos – Sending your man fully clothed pictures/videos of yourself while posing seductively can be enough to tease and tantalize him, leaving him wanting more. A big benefit of this is that there’s no need for nudity. Tips for dressing sexy and slutty.
Send underwear pics/videos – Sending pictures and videos of you in underwear is taking it up a level while still not being fully nude. Tips for taking sexy selfies.
Nude pics/videos – You are now in 18+ territory. You can play with lighting and angles so that your pictures and videos are tasteful and coy…or you can be much more direct and show him everything. Tips for taking great nudes.
Sexual pictures and videos – The final level is sending pictures and videos of yourself performing sex acts or stripping for your man. It could just be you alone or it could be pics of videos from a previous time of both of you together.
Auto-deleting messages? – My last piece of advice on this is that you shouldn’t assume that apps which auto-delete messages after a certain time will keep you safe. Your man can still take screenshots!
12. Voice Messages
Sending your man voice notes is not exactly sexting, but I wanted to include it here, as most texting apps allow you to send voice notes.
Depending on your confidence and experience, there are a bunch of different voice notes you can send your man:
- Moaning
- Sounds of masturbation
- Instructions on what you want your man to do or what your man wants you to do
- Questions
- Describing a sex scene
My advice on whether or not to send sexy voice messages to your man is the same as in my previous point:
Only send him voice messages that you would be comfortable with others hearing.
13. Tell A Sexy Story
If you are a creative type, you can try telling your man a sex story through text and make it interactive by asking him for his feedback as you tell it.
Your story can be real or it can be completely made up.
For inspiration, check out these red-hot, true sex stories.
796 Powerful Sext Messages To Send Your Man
I’ve put all my favorite filthy, flirty, loving, dirty and sexy messages and lines in the guides below:
- 107 dirty text messages to send your guy & do it right
- 100+ intense (& sometimes wild) sexting examples to get him hot & bothered
- 47 love text messages & learn when to send them
- 73 sexy, dirty talk phrases to make your man crazy horny!
- 91 dirty things to say to him to turn him on & have crazy wild sex
- 64 wild dirty talk examples to make him sexually addicted to you!
- 71 examples of how to flirt with a guy over text
- 81 wild things to say during sex to keep it intensely passionate
- 162 dominant things to say to your submissive
Sexting Troubleshooting
1. I Find It Hard To Write & Send Sexts
You may have a man who regularly sexts you. And you may enjoy receiving these sexts.
But there is a problem.
Some women find it impossible to reply with their own sexy text messages, even though you want to!
It’s like a mental block.
You may not know what to say or feel afraid you’ll say something weird or feel like you don’t have the confidence to hit “send.” If you find yourself in this situation, there are a few options:
- Tell your man exactly how you feel. Let him know that you enjoy it and want it to continue but find it difficult to send your own.
- Reply with compliments like, “That sounds hot,” “Wow,” “Tell me more” to encourage him to take the lead and keep going.
- Start by sending back your own messages, even if you think they sound tame. “I want to kiss you,” “I want to wrap my arms around you” or “I keep thinking about Saturday night” are great sexts even if they don’t sound particularly intense.
By following these 3 guidelines and giving it time, you’ll find that it gets easier to send more and more explicit sexts to your man as you gain more confidence.
2. Sometimes Sexting Doesn’t Work For Me. That’s Pretty Normal, Actually…
Some days, sexting just doesn’t work. You can’t get in the groove.
- Your man may respond how you hoped he would
- You may not know what to say
Whatever the reason, it’s not important, but…
It happens to every couple from time to time. Sometimes, sexting just won’t work, no matter how clever, filthy or wild your messages are. Sometimes your partner doesn’t know how to respond to a sext even though they loved what you sent.
The best reaction to these situations is to not stress about it and to not force it. Don’t keep sending sext after sext if your man is not responding positively to them.
Just change the topic and…
Send your man normal texts and have a normal conversation with him. Then try sexting him again another time.
And for some couples, they can never get in the groove of sexting each other. And that’s fine, too! Not every couple will be into every kink and sex activity.
3. Don’t Forget To Send Regular Texts Too!
Sexting your man is a lot of fun. Once you start, you may never want to stop. The thing is…
Sexting is like a spice.
Too little and things can feel a bit boring. Too much and it ruins the whole dish.
You need to find the “just right” amount of sexting for your relationship. You should do it enough that it keeps things interesting but not so much that your conversations are only sexting conversations.
Don’t forget to talk about regular things too!
4. I Don’t Enjoy Sexting. No Problem…
I cover a lot of different, fun activities on the Bad Girls Bible from blow jobs to hand jobs, anal sex to tips on how to be great at eating pussy as well as an in-depth guide on BDSM and a lot more.
Most people are only interested in trying a small portion of these activities.
If you and your partner are not interested in a sex position I suggest or learning how to make yourself squirt, then just ignore it and focus on the sex acts you are interested in.
The same is true about sexting.
If you’re not into it, it’s no big deal.
Forget about it and try something else.
5. If You Want It To Stop, Say It
Sexting isn’t for everyone. If you’re not enjoying it, let your partner know you want to stop.
You should never feel forced to sext someone.
Being forced to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do is abuse. But if you’re interested, sexting can be a lot of fun and doesn’t have to be intimidating at all!
Now that you know how to sext your man successfully, it’s time to dive in and have fun! And if you have your own sexting tips, let us know in the comments!
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Amanda says
Also remember your face is not the only thing that can be used to identify you in a pic. Tattoos, scars, birthmarks, miles, freckles….anything on and unique to you.