Flirting with a guy doesn’t have to be done in person. Texting and messaging him is a great way to build up some sexual tension. It works whether you’re sending flirty messages to someone you’re just getting to know, or flirting through text with a guy you’re already seeing.
There are some simple dos and don’ts to follow that can help you steer the conversation and really keep the guy’s interest. Let’s start with the “Dos” when you flirt via text or you can skip straight to the flirty text message examples.
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1. Do Keep It Light at the Start
You don’t want to go too overboard when you start flirting. There’s a difference between starting a flirty conversation and being too direct about what you want to do with someone when you’re alone.
Both can be great messages, but if you’re just getting to know him or you’re not sure how he’s going to respond, be sure to keep it light until you see how it goes. Once he responds a couple of times, you’ll have a better idea of whether you’re coming on too strong or whether he just not sure how to flirt over text.
The same is true when you’re just flirting with him in person. You can learn more about flirting with a guy in person.
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2. Do Use Ambiguous Messages from Time to Time to Keep Him Wondering What You Meant
Flirty messages don’t have to be completely direct. You can be coy and play a little hard to get, even while you flirt over text. You don’t want to make things too easy for him, or you won’t get to enjoy the back-and-forth that flirting brings.
Every few messages, say something a little bit ambiguous. That way, you’ll leave him wondering just a bit, and that will keep his interest. By keeping him guessing, he’ll be more interested in talking to you again. Because if he does lose interest in you, it’s all over. Flirty messages over text can help keep that from happening.
And if you’re not sure how he feels, keeping things a bit ambiguous is one way to flirt with a guy over text without being too obvious.
3. Do make sure to tease him over text
Lightly teasing him and him doing the same to you is important in any relationship. By teasing him, you can build even more tension between the two of you. You’ll find more on building sexual tension here. There’s nothing like a little teasing in your flirty text messages to get a guy riled up and thinking about a funny comeback he can send back to you.
4. Do Use Lots of Pictures
Texting isn’t only about the words you send. Thanks to Snapchat, WhatsApp, iMessage, and all those other apps, sending pictures is a breeze. And after all, isn’t a picture worth a thousand words???
While sending pictures of you looking hot can be a good way to turn him on (more on turning a guy on), it’s even more effective to send him flirty and fun pictures every once in a while. When he sees pictures of you smiling, winking, and looking cute while you go about your day, he’s only going to want you more. Combine those pictures with the right caption, funny quip, or silly joke, and your man is going to be hooked.
Another great reason to send pictures is the fact that men are very visual, and they want to see the person they’re flirting with. This helps keep them interested, which is exactly what you want to do.
Psst, you can also send audio or video if you want to up the ante!
5. Do Use Other Mediums Besides Just Text (Silly Pictures, Emojis, Etc.)
This ties in with the previous point. When you’re flirting through text, make sure you don’t only text. After a while, it can become just words on a screen – which isn’t the best thing, as guys are very visual. Instead, spend some time adding some creativity into your messages, like emojis, gifs, or even a meme that references an in-joke you guys both have.
6. Do Make Him Wait for a Response….Sometimes
You want him to want you and to know you’re interested, while at the same time, you don’t want to come on too strong or seem too eager.
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If you always respond within seconds, he’ll think you’re just sitting by your phone, with nothing to do but wait for his texts. That’s not a good thing and can actually make a guy lose interest.
When you’re learning how to flirt with a guy over text, be sure to make him wait a little while for a response sometimes (not all the time). That shows you have a life outside of just talking to him and can make you much more attractive in his eyes. It can also help him see you as a whole person, which is important if you’re in a relationship already or even just looking for one.
7. Do Make It Personal
While it’s fine to use some of the more well-known lines below, they tend to be generic so that they can apply to anyone. From time to time, these lines may not apply to the person on the other end of the line. Or they even may come across as disingenuous. And they may not help you to really connect (more on that in a bit). Plus, there are only so many times you can use a variation of the same line without sounding boring or repetitive.
But there’s a pretty easy solution to all of these things: make it personal. Base your flirtations on what you know about this person. Focus on their strengths or flatter them in areas where they may lack confidence. This way, your flirty text messages are always unique to this person, and you’ll have a larger arsenal to choose from.
8. Do Leave Him Wanting More
Part of flirting successfully is knowing when to walk away. By “walking away,” we don’t mean that you never talk to him again or end the conversation super abruptly. Instead, let him know that you’re not always available to respond (if you’re busy with your life, this is easy!). Sometimes making him wait a bit before you reply or start the conversation can be quite exciting.
Another method you can employ is to sign off during natural pauses. Again, this shows that you’re in demand, but it also ensures that you don’t overstay your welcome. After all, no one wants to be clingy. Maybe he’ll even beg you to stay (or come over!), and you’ll be gracious enough to agree.
Finally, this rule can be applied to the photos, videos, or even audio that you send. Hinting at something can sometimes be more powerful than giving it all up. Plus, it helps ensure that you don’t always send the same photos/content. How can you manage this?
- Drape a sheet/scarf over your body
- Take a picture of shadows or behind a screen/divider
- Snap a shot in the bath with bubbles covering the important bits
- Cover your breasts with your hands or arms before taking a photo
- Wear lingerie
- Take a closer photo (or crop a photo) so that it shows a specific body part
- Dress in a long t-shirt or button down for your photos
- Turn the lights down low
- Show just the hem of your skirt or dress or just the top of your stockings
Of course, you don’t need to be a professional photographer to make a guy drool, but taking your time to set up a photo can have a profound impact on the end result. And if you enjoy the process or the product, who can complain?!
Psst, get more flirting tips here.
9. Do More Than Flirting — If You Want A Relationship
Some people only send flirty messages for the sake of a fun text exchange, others may only be looking for sexual gratification, and yet others want a relationship. While there’s nothing wrong with any of these desires, they do affect how you communicate.
For example, if you’re talking to someone you’ve never met in person and whom you don’t plan to meet in person, it’s fine to stick to flirting. But if you want to meet, you’ll eventually need to have discussions about when and where, how you’ll recognize one another, and potentially sexual health issues if you plan to have sex.
But if you’re interested in a real romantic connection with this person, then you’ll need to do even more. Find out about them as a person, and reveal something of yourself to them. Build the foundation that’s necessary for every healthy relationship. Of course, you can add flirty or sexual texts in there (and those types of messages can even help you find out more about someone), but if you only stay in the shallow end of the pool, you’re missing out on everything that’s beneath the surface!
That’s the do’s of flirting with a guy through text, now let’s take a look at some of the don’ts when you flirt with text messages…
1. Don’t Force It If It’s Not Working
When you flirt via text, you shouldn’t have to force things. Flirtatious statements should come naturally, and the back-and-forth discussion should flow. If it’s not, there’s a reason. Stop and figure out the reason instead of just pushing forward. It could be that the guy isn’t right for you, but it could also be that you’re just having an off day, or one of you said something the other person took in the wrong way.
No matter what the cause, there’s no point in continuing to try to force the flirt. Let it go for the time being and talk about something else – or even end the conversation. Flirting should be fun, not something you have to force or feel obligated to do.
2. Don’t Send Too Many Flirty Messages to Him – Otherwise, You’ll Never Have a Serious Conversation
Learning how to flirt with a guy over text also means learning when to stop.
If you want to talk about something serious, and all you’ve ever done is flirt, how is your guy supposed to know you need to be serious for a minute? There should be times when you don’t flirt and talk seriously with your guy over text.
Mix up how you do things, and your guy will understand that there are times and places for flirting and serious discussions. That can help you build good communication as a couple and also help him see you as more than just someone to flirt with. This is also true for sending dirty text messages (107 dirty text messages); make sure to mix it up.
3. Don’t Feel the Need to Ever Send Nudes
Flirting through text doesn’t have to mean sending nudes. When you’re considering how to flirt with a guy over text, even if you’ve been together with him for a while, remember that nudes aren’t necessary. If he’s pressuring you to send them, don’t. If you’re considering sending them because he might like it, don’t.
They should only be sent if you’re really comfortable with it, and you really want to send them. If there’s pressure to do it, it’s rarely the right thing to do. Remember that, and you’ll make the right choices about nudes when you’re flirting with your guy. For more on this kind of thing, you might want to check out the guide on having Skype sex with your man.
4. Don’t Forget to Read the Room
In social situations, “reading the room” refers to taking in the mental and emotional states of those who are already in it and participating in a appropriate way. A funeral is somber; a birthday party might be a riot. It might be harder to do over text, but you still need to read the room.
When it comes to flirty messaging, reading the room can mean several things.
- Look at the number and depth of the responses to see if your partner is interested in communicating right now. If their responses are short, it might be better to start a chat a bit later when they have more time or energy to respond.
- Beware of responses to sexy messages. If your partner responds in kind or expresses delight at your sexy messages, you’re good to go. If they’re more reserved or try to change the subject, tone down your messages or send something ambiguous so he can respond either way.
Now, it’s important to remember that if someone isn’t super responsive, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. Maybe they’re busy at work and you’ll need to find a time that works for both of you to message. Perhaps they’re working toward a deadline, have the kids this weekend, or simply had a bad day. None of those things have anything to do with you. Tomorrow everything might return to normal!
But if you find yourself looking for validation through these messages, you can quickly come off as clingy.
Psst, this guide will help you to figure out if he’s flirting with you.
5. Don’t Make Him Do All the Heavy Lifting
Flirting is a conversation, which requires a back and forth. If you just sit there expecting compliments and witty lines from him without providing any of your own, he’s likely to get bored fairly quickly. You might have been on the other end of this in the past and understand how frustrating it can be!
Instead, you want to be engaging. Fire back with some witty banter or teasing. Ask him questions (although, not so many that it feels like an interview). Start the conversations from time to time. Sharing these “responsibilities” ensures that everything is fair and both of you are engaged.
71 Example Flirty Messages
Here are some example messages you can send to your guy to get you started on your flirting adventure. Pick and choose the ones that work best for you, and modify them however you see fit. That way, you’ll have a starting point for your flirty texting, and your guy can help you take it from there. Remember, flirting should be fun for both of you. If it’s awkward or uncomfortable, it might be time to try something else.
- Tell me what you’re wearing.
- Had a sexy dream about you last night.
- I just read something that we need to try later…I think you’ll love it 😉
- If you were trapped on a desert island with me, what other 3 things would you bring?
- This morning (last night/the other day/etc.) was amazing.
- Do you want me to wear pink or white panties tonight?
- What would you do if we were alone right now?
- Do you have a twin? I think I just saw him walk past me.
- I figure you’re a dog person, right?
- I like it when you wear [item of clothing], you looked so hot the other day when I saw you.
- I get the feeling you prefer blow jobs to hand jobs?
- If I kissed you would you be mad?
- Guess what I’m doing (and I’ll send you a sexy picture/picture of it).
- Tell me about your most frequent fantasy.
- I’ve been experimenting with my photo skills. What do you think? [with a photo]
- This is what I do when I think about you [with a photo that shows/suggests touching yourself].
- What should I wear for our date/the next time we have sex? [either two photo options or leave it open-ended]
- Sometimes when I look at you, I focus on your mouth and can’t look away.
- I’ve got a problem that I think you can help me with [can be PG or sexy]
- You’ve got a killer smile.
- I bet you’re great at pool [or another skill that he can “prove” on a date]!
- With [arms/legs/pecs/etc] like that, you must work out!
- You’ve got to tell me your gym routine. It really pays off!
- You seem like you’re great with kids [or animals].
- My [cat/dog] really trusted you. You must be a good person!
- Every woman noticed when you walked into the bar. How could they not?
- You’re the whole package.
- You’re just are too good to be true.
- There’s no way you’re real! No one can be that good-looking, smart, and funny!
- I bet all the ladies throw themselves at you–and a few of the guys, too.
- I can’t believe a person like you is single.
- Where have you been all my life?
- Something tells me you know your way around the bedroom [or garage if you want to keep it PG].
- Sometimes I look at you and forget how to talk/breathe/etc.
- When I first saw you, I thought you were [celebrity lookalike].
- My friends have been pestering me about who my new attractive friend is [if they’ve met, or “the guy who’s been taking up all my time” if they’ve yet to meet].
- I can’t believe how lucky I am to have your attention.
- I thought guys like you only existed in the movies.
- You’re my favorite.
- Have you been thinking naughty thoughts about me like I have you?
- I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I can’t stop thinking dirty thoughts about you.
- What’s something you have yet to try in bed but really want to?
- You make me feel so safe.
- There’s just something about you that I can’t resist.
- I’d love to show you my special talent.
- I’ve been working on a new recipe [or striptease routine if you want to be sexy]. I’d love for you to experience it.
- I love when I see your name on my phone before I fall asleep.
- Good morning, handsome.
- I don’t know how you manage to occupy my thoughts so frequently.
- I’ve never been so turned on by someone before.
- I’ve got to tell you about this [book/TV show/etc] that made me think of you earlier.
- I was thinking about [joke you told] and it made me laugh out loud.
- You look like you know how to have a good time.
- I’d love to let you tie me up and have your way with me.
- I get so excited when you text me.
- Do you want to play a sexy text game?
- Tell me your wildest story. I wonder if I can beat it.
- I’m so glad [friend] introduced us.
- Could you teach me that [skill] you do so well?
- Bet you can’t guess my favorite thing about you!
- The world is so much brighter now that you’re in it.
- What a wonderful surprise it was to see you at [location]!
- Let me guess, you’re good at [skill]?
- You’re such a flatterer. Now it’s my turn! [pay him a compliment]
- I love the way you look at my body.
- You make me feel so good about it.
- I hate it when we’re apart.
- You seem to bring out the best in me. How do you do it?
- You make [talent] look so easy.
- You’ve so cool under pressure. I love that about you!
- When is the last time you’ve thought about me?
You’ll also find over 115 more flirting text message examples here if you need more ideas and inspiration.
Keep in mind that all these examples are just a jumping-off point for flirty text ideas.
It can be enjoyable to flirt through text and when you flirt with text messages throughout the day, you’ll build up some great sexual tension that can carry you both over into passionate encounters the next time you see each other.
How well you know the guy and how fast you want to move with him should be things you consider when you flirt through text, too. Not everyone moves at the same pace.
If you’re interested in getting to know a new person, you might want to keep the flirting a little bit lighter. You don’t know much about your guy yet, so jumping in too quickly might not be the right choice for you. If you’re already in a relationship with your guy, flirting might be more direct or explicit.
Either way is fine, as long as you and your guy are comfortable with the level of flirting that’s taking place. If it’s too awkward for you, or the guy isn’t responding in the way you had hoped, it might be time to change the kind of flirting you’re doing.
Read the cues you get from your guy when he responds to your texts. If he takes a long time answering you or seems non-committal about responding to your flirting, that’s something you’ll want to consider. Maybe he’s not much for flirting over text, or he could not be as into you as you’d hoped. Finding out is important because you want to save your flirting for a guy who’s really into it (and really into you).
Understanding your guy and where he’s coming from is the best way to make sure that your flirty texting will have the desired results.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ #1 – Should I send nudes over text?
First, you never have to send nudes if you’re uncomfortable. After all, someone could discover them if they get ahold of your phone or hacked your account–or his. Plus, you never know that someone won’t share your sexy photos or videos, especially if they’re angry after a breakup. Finally, you should definitely not send nudes if someone is pressuring you, which shows that they don’t respect your boundaries–or you.
However, if you do want to send nudes, here are a few tricks to keep in mind to take sultry photos and keep safe.
- Keep your face or any identifying tattoos or bodymarks out of the photo to preserve privacy.
- Consider asking for similar pictures so that you’re on an even playing field.
- Use an app that deletes messages after a while.
- Save any of your sexy photos or videos to a protected folder.
- Anyone can take a sexy photo or selfie! Follow this advice to feel confident and take a sizzling photo.
- Get feedback on your photos from friends.
- Try to vary the types of photos or angles you use.
Of course, there’s only so much you can do to protect yourself when it comes to sexy content, which is why it’s up to you and you alone to determine if you’re comfortable sending nudes.
FAQ #2 – What should I do if I’m bad at flirting?
Don’t panic! Because you’re flirting over text, your partner can’t see your facial expressions, and you don’t need to think of flirty things to say on the fly. Be sincere and focus on what you know about this person (see the section about keeping it personal). If you don’t know much about them, now is the time to ask questions! Showing your interest is definitely flirty.
Remember that not every line can be flirty (and you don’t want to only flirt if you’re interested in a relationship, too).
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