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You can’t get your crush out of your head and now you have his number at your disposal. You want to text him day and night to learn about him and figure out if he’s your soulmate, but it’s hard to figure out when you should or shouldn’t text him to get him to like you. Texting etiquette, especially to a guy you like, can get out of hand at times. This guide will teach you how to figure out if he’s receptive to your texts, what to text him, how to text him, and when.
1. The Golden Rule: Don’t Be Needy
Before you send a text, look at whether or not it comes off as needy.
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Are you sending him something that will make him miss you? Or are you demanding his attention with a variety of inconsequential things he may or may not be interested in?
Is he an introvert who might be overwhelmed if you send him lots of flirty texts? Don’t be clingy or needy in your tone or texting frequency. It can come off as desperate even if you aren’t intending it too, and that’s not a quality many men find attractive.
2. He’s Nervous Too
You might also forget that he’s probably nervous too, especially if he likes you. So if you’re wondering should I text him, then he’s probably asking himself the same question.
If things seem a bit awkward at first when you begin texting, keep this point in mind and allow things to develop naturally instead of worrying that he isn’t into you. Over time, you’ll learn to read some tone and emotion from the texts, such as knowing whether a one word response is typical for him or if it’s an indicator something is wrong. If one or both of you are feeling nervous, then it’s probably a good idea to hold off on sending the dirty text messages or sexting him something really explicit until you know each other better.
3. Is He Reciprocating Responses?
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Figuring out the proper time to text takes a bit of knowledge of his normal schedule, when he’s typically around a phone, and when he’s in the mood to be social. You might have all or part of this information already, but one of the easiest ways to figure out whether it’s a good time to text him is to see when he’s reciprocating.
If he responds quickly and frequently, then it’s a clear sign that you should text him.
Related: 20 signs that he wants you
If it takes a long time to respond, you’re only getting one word responses, or it takes 3 or 4 texts from you to get one from him, chalk it up to bad timing. You don’t have to follow him around town to figure out the best time to text him. If he’s working a standard 9-5, aim for a normal lunch hour or wait until after work. If he works third shift, his morning is sometime near noon and you shouldn’t bother him before then.
4. Initiating Text Tone
When you want to know if you should text him first, keep in mind the tone you want on these initiating texts. Keep it light, cheerful, flirty and happy to get him to like you. It’s especially important to come off as fun as much as possible, since it’s hard to read text tone and you don’t want to give him the wrong idea.
Extra: 15 flirting tips
Using emojis and emoticons help to lighten your tone and add some emotion to the text voice, but don’t overdo it or suddenly rush to sending him love messages. Otherwise, it can come off as annoying.
5. Where’d He Go?
Does it take days or weeks to get a response? Unfortunately, you’re in a situation where he’s not into you or you’re dating a much younger guy.
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Don’t spam his inbox hoping to get a response if you don’t hear back from him. Once you hit the 3 text mark without getting a response back, hold back on sending any future texts until you know what’s up.
It’s possible he’s in a particularly busy period of his life, but it only takes a few minutes to send you a text letting you know. If he doesn’t have that level of consideration for you, you probably aren’t on his dating radar. A big exception to this rule is when something particularly tragic happens, such as a death in the family. If he’s going through grief, answering his texts and being social is probably the last thing on his mind.
6. Keep the Walls of Text for Your Blog
Unless you have some particularly important information to share, try to keep texts short and succinct. Giant walls of text are difficult to read on a smartphone screen, and they also require significantly more time and energy to answer. You don’t want to make your crush dread hearing from you, so stick with messages that are are 1-3 sentences long.
This also applies when sending them good morning texts.
7. Don’t Get Hung Up on Grammar
You’re writing a text, not the next great American novel. Don’t worry overly much about grammar and spelling. Autocorrect handles a significant amount of the heavy lifting for you. Just don’t mangle the text so badly that it’s impossible to figure out what you’re trying to say.
Think about it: Let’s say that you’re dominating him over text, but half your text messages contain corrections.
This. Is. Not. Sexy.
8. Initiate to Show Interest
When learning how to flirt with a guy over text, keep in mind that you shouldn’t make him initiate every conversation, since it’s easy for your crush to assume you aren’t into him and you’re too nice to say so.
If you’re wondering how often should you text him, then just go with the ‘half time rule’. The half time rule just means that you should initiate texting him about half the time.
After all, you do still want him to start conversations as well so you feel desired. You won’t always achieve a perfect 50/50 split on texting first, since life, schedule changes, and stress often get in the way. Simply make sure it feels like you’re making the effort, and be upfront if you’re going to hit periods where you aren’t able to text as much. You don’t want to leave him wondering whether you like him or not after you went through the initial trouble to get him to like you.
9. When Should You Always Initiate?
Sometimes a guy simply hates texting. You never see him with his phone out, he texts approximately 10 words per minute, and it takes him ages to respond to anyone who talks to him. In person, he’s great, personable, and funny. If your crush would rather walk over legos than pick up the phone to answer a text, always initiate the conversations and keep them short.
Save your communication to in-person talking or phone sex or whatever works for both of you so you don’t get frustrated over his lack of texting ability.
It’s not always clear cut to figure out if you should text him first or wait for him to text you, but following these rules helps clear the waters in many cases. If they don’t apply to your particular situation, always keep in mind the don’t be needy rule and go with your gut feeling on whether to send that text or not.
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I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have said here, and I would venture to guess that most women feel the same way when texting a guy they are just beginning to get to know. I am not a big texter, myself, other than to make plans to meet face-to-face. I refuse to own a smartphone, because I feel that a cell phone is for making calls, and (brief) texts only.
On a slightly related note, I haven’t heard from the guy I was/am seeing since late May, because he said he was going to be away for a while on business. I have refrained from texting him since he left, because I feel that if he wants to reach out to me, he knows my number. LOL. I am waiting for him to re-initiate contact. The ball’s in his court, metaphorically speaking. It is becoming quite maddening, but I am not a desperate person, and believe it is the guy’s responsibility to pursue the girl. The way he left it was that we would “have a lot to talk about” the next time we met. So I am taking that as a positive sign. My suggestion to the women who read this website is to exude somewhat of a detached vibe. Remain a mystery that he has to figure out.
Being a mystery about what you want might be fun for some guys, but most have better things to do. If he hasnt texted you in two weeks, then the relationship is over, you are just friends or he just wants a booty call. Unless he is hiking the Himalayas. The simple advice is not to focus on whether you want him/her but whether you want the relationship that is being offered. He may be amazing, but if he is offering emotional confusion/uncertainty then it shouldn’t be for you.
I feel like I am in a sort of grey area and need help deciding on what to do. The guy I am talking to, he seems like the detached one. I feel as though I am the one having to constantly make plans with him because otherwise he won’t bother. But, when we are together we have such an amazing time laughing and talking the whole time. I don’t know if I should step back and let him make more of an effort to see/talk to me, or let it play out as is.
amen.
This farmer is always busy he does always text baxk usually most quickly, however he’s going through an awful divorce, he paid for counselling I knew he wasn’t ready for relationship, and to be honest neither was I long story. I said I need to concentrate on business and work etc. He was OK , and said it’s upto me if we stay friends he’s said he will be up for a non sexual hug. He is definitely much easier to speak to on the phone . I initiate text a lot, he doesn’t know what he wants. And I need to be a friend and I like that he has told me to calm down and exhale.as i was stressed , if I always used the discipline who initiates text first we would never have a relationship friendship
This is something I could have written myself.:)
So I want to try and get to know someone. But idk if I should text him first. But if I dont text him I don’t think he will text me. What should I do
I agree with much of that, except I think that girls should pursue guys as well. While it might defy some tradition, I don’t think girls should be sitting around waiting for someone to open up to them. If that’s how it was, you may never get the guy you want.
thank you for this article. I found this when searching for advice on texting him. This is so much more helpful than every answer being “no!” Or “get some self respect!”, sometimes the answer is yes, and this was actually helpful in determining the difference.
My crush gave me his number and I texted him. He was easy to talk to and I thought it went well. The next day I happened to run into him. He looked happy to see me and he initiated the conversation. Should I text him or wait for him to text me?
Hard to tell as I don’t know the situation or him as well as you do.
should i still text this sorta friend/not guy that i’ve lost communication with bec. of a misunderstanding(already forgiven) before?
He hadn’t texted me ever since, but we saw each other a couple of weeks ago and gave me his number coz i’ve lost it.
Totally text if it’s not too late.
This was on point – love your intuition and insight!
I like this guy. And wait I didn’t like him just like that. He used to look at me and gazed away when I caught him and then he started to touch his hair. Happened several times.. But now he’s always around me when he gets a chance although he never initiated a congo. But he’s like very near to me. Almost covering me whenever he has pass by me. And its awkward sometimes, he’s that close. He breathes heavily near me but he won’t talk. He will roam here and there. Smile but won’t ever talk. What do I think?
Stacy, it seems to me that you either have a creeper or he is very, very infatuated with you. He may just be too shy to talk to you, or think that there is no way that you would ever like him, too. If you like him, then you should start a talk! He may be a bit awkward if he’s shy, but he might get the message that it’s alright to talk to you- you’re only human.
But before you do, be sure that you actually like him. It sounds from your comment like you only started liking him after you noticed that he really, really liked you. If you aren’t sure and you initiate conversation, you may end up with a creeper. Just a warning!
I’ve been having the hardest time accepting the fact that this guy I like doesn’t like me as much 🙁 but thanks for the tips! It gave me strength to not text him again and be let down!
I’ve been secretly having an affair,about a year nowwhen we r together it’s all about us,but not much contact . Should I stop reaching out its been a week,
I went to this first date with a guy and he seem very interested, so much that the date lasted 6hrs, he would keep on asking me if i wanted to do something else. He didnt kiss goodbye, but he occasionally touch my shoulder or arms when talking. I send a text to him the following day,simple, and he replied the a day after with a “thanks me too” I havent replied to that because for me its not showing that he wants the conversation. So I havent texted in 3 days and he hasnt either, dont know if i should send the next text or wait.
I’ve known this guy for a while now subtle flirting and the likes and I finally grew the courage to give him my number and he texted me but we only talked for about 10 (he happened to be heading to work that night) so I didn’t push it but we haven’t talked since (it’s been a couple days) I’m worried if I texted (since I was the last to say something) it’ll look desperate. Does a “hey you” seem too much or should I cut him loose?
You can always cut him loose after you “hey you”
I met a guy 4 months ago who lives a 3hr plane ride from me. We hit it off and I have returned twice now to see him, last time was a week ago. I was with him for 3 days, we had a fabulous lovley time, I met his friends and he told me the nxt day his friends really really liked me. Later that day, I knew someone or something had pissed him of(it wasn’t me) he said it was related to business!. He had a business for 12 yr’s which has recently closed and a disagreement with his business partner, and has been used to a 2nd income, which, until everything is tied up he can’t regain.We had a grt day out, but then he said he had a retiral dinner that night (my last night) he went to it and I was left to do my own thing.I left the nxt day without hearing from or seeing him!..I was totally shocked, as I do feel this guy is a good guy on the whole! When I landed home, he had sent me an apology, saying he had got blind drunk and was severely hungover nxt day, that he was ashamed of himself and very sorry. I txt back telling him that I had been very hurt and disappointed with what had happened. He then said that all he would say is that he is hvn a hard time and a difficult moment, that I was a gorgeous woman and an excellent human being, and would look fwd to seeing me again!..I then jst sent 2 kiss emojis back!
It’s now been a week and I hvnt heard from him. Should I txt?..or u think he’s jst not interested now?
I hate to say this but men usually who are interested would make an effort to text you at least within a few days. I would suggest you try to go out and not think of him. In my humble opinion, he just let you down easy. I have come across this pattern and sad to say but men chicken out and would not tell u the truth.
So my crush and i had an argument after a misunderstanding a month ago n havent talked since then. Its happened before n all it took for us to get back to talking was me txtg him n saying hi n seeing how he was. I really dont want to be the one to make the effort this time around but its killing me n i really miss talking to him n really want to msg him! Should i txt him???
I dated this guy for a few months and we had very strong chemistry and communication. However, an issue arises between us and things started to get a little rocky after that, however he still kept in touch with me. He texted me a long message stating how he doesn’t want to lose me and how he think by us not talking or seeing each other for awhile will help things smooth out. At first, I didn’t agree because ok my mind I was afraid that I couldn’t lose him, but eventually I convinced myself that it could possibly help our situation. However, we use to talk every single day, all day… every day. But, now he texts me on holidays and sporadically. The last time he texted me, he stated he had a gift for me and wanted to send me. I gave him my address and the address that I would be at, since I travel a lot and was out of town for the holidays, so he could send it to. I never received the gift, so I followed up with him. He stated he was thinking about either me coming up to visit him or him coming to visit me (due to us living in two different states). I told him I could come up to visit him. Siding hear from him in a couple of days, so I followed up with him about it. He stated since the holidays he has been busy and was trying to figure out what day would be best, since things are winding down from his job (I’m guessing he’s trying to request off work and he usually use to do when I come to visit him, because he’s a supervisor). I’m just confused, I haven’t heard from him now in a whole week and that’s not like him. I’m not sure if he’s talking to someone else, but why would he invite me to come visit him, if that is true? I really like this guy a lot, he was or is the same way. It hurts a lot because lately I’ve been going with the flow and waiting on him to see what he is going to do. Honestly, I don’t know what to do in this situation, because I’ve never been in a situation like this. Please help me, and give me some advice.
Soo there’s this guy I’ve been talking to on facebook..Umm,I don’t really know him but he seems like a good guy,he’s a year older than me,we have the same interests and he seems very social and nice..Anyway,we’ve never actually met in common and I don’t really know if he’s worth talking to..At all..You see the thing is; he was the one who texted me first and after that he gave me the impression he was really interested in me.So he was like I broke up 4 months ago and I wanna get to know you better etc.And,umm he kept messaging me for the rest of the night.It went really well.Well the next day,I texted him(because he asked me to text him when I logged in again) and he was kinda late to reply..He also gave me short answers,and that annoyed me a little bit.So I logged out and logged in again late at night,and then he started texting me like crazy…And calling me baby…And telling me I was the best thing that’d ever happened to him 0.0 so anyway the next day I log in and text him,and same shit..He was late to reply again and his answers were boring..I was the only one asking questions,and he seemed like he didn’t even wanna talk to me.Well he also never asks questions about my life,but that’s a completely different thing.Then,after one point…He started replying fast again and saying I missed you baby etc. so I was reeeeally puzzled…I checked out his facebook wall.He had just posted something like “You’re always on my mind ???? See you soon” ..So obviously I started thinking that he has a girlfriend..I asked him about it,actually and he denied that he was in a relationship..And afterwards,I told him I was really tired and that I would log out…And he got mad,so we had a fight.I told him that he shouldn’t care about it now,since some minutes ago he wouldn’t even reply to me..And he said that he was busy and that I was the one at fault because I told him I wanted to talk to him,and then wanted to log out.After that he started saying the same lovey-dovey stuff “I miss you,I want you in my life”..And I replied “Yeah?Well..How do you want me in ur life exactly?” He suddenly logged out.i waited for some minutes..Nothing. Then I sent him ” I guess you don’t really want me in your life,huh XD goodnight ” ….He hasn’t replied since…Help me please,I’m so frustrateeed
Forget him, I hope you already have – he’s a player.
I met this guy out at a bar 3 wks ago..it was very clear we were attracted to each other cuz we couldnt stop the googly eyes across the bar to each other..so I sent him a drink we hung out after that the rest of the nt I stayed the nt at his house for we were drinking & I live 40 min from him..we saw each other the following nxt 2 Friday’s. . But we dont txt much during the wk & he ignored my txt a few times.this past weekend.. I tend to be a big texter, I dont think he is.. he seems to be to himself alot, country boy who lives alone with 3 dogs on 10 acres of land..my question, do I initiate the txt again? And I dont know how to start it if so cuz I dont wanna sound needy & definitely dont want to be ignored or rejected. .help!?
I have crush in my office . He used to look at me and gazed away whenever I caught him and then he started to look away.He add me on facebook ( he is the type of person who doesn’t accept any fri request) but didn’t make a conversation. should I talk him first? or just wait?
Babe same thing happened with me He used to look at me every time added me on insta dont text first if he is shy or whatever let him text first. He will surely message you one day if he seriously likes you . (i texted first in my case and he replied rudely to me ) I still regret texting him first. So please dont
I met this english guy on an app. He is here looking for a job. We have 3 dates and everything become wonderful. He promises to come back on september then we will be ain a relationship. But eversince he is in england, he rarely text me. I text him first several times and he reply quickly but other than that, he wont. Does he worth to be waited?
So I’ve been talking to a guy I work with. We didn’t really chat outside of work, but I really wanted to change that so I Facebook messaged him a work related question. The convo took off after that for like four days we talked about different things we liked. He was very talkive and asked me lots of questions about myself and I did the same. It was going so well and he finally asked for my number. When he did we texted a few times back and forth. He told me something exciting that happens for him and I said congrats and stuff but then he didn’t reply to me. It’s been like 5 days since then. He’s always active on Facebook and he recently added me on Snapchat. I’m not sure if I should text him first or not. Btw I am 19 and he’s 22. He’s really nice and an awesome person. I wanna talk to him again but don’t wanna sound needy.
Met a guy at school a year ago and I could tell something between us , but never acted on it. Recently he started hanging out at my office chatting and flirting. I went out of my comfort zone and we were texting and took it further with spontaneous sex and we were both nervous. Most fun I’ve had in a long time. Wondering if I should take a step back since I’m not sure where it’s going if anywhere. He is much younger than me and I’m not sure if I shouldn’t have gave in to our flirtatious behavior. Find myself thinking about it quite often, even more than I should. I have been single with no dating for several years.
Hard to give concrete advice here Mandi as you know your situation and the details of it a lot better than I do. I hope it works out!
I have been talking to this guy online for almost a month. We have also talked on the phone a few times. We text pretty much everyday. After a week of talking he asked me out, but I already had plans. Whenever we talk he always says I wanna take you there someday. And we have talked a little about the future and where we see ourselves. The only thing that is holding me back is I always have to initiate the conversations. In the beginning he would message me but now I have to message him first. He always replies. He knows I like him and when I asked him how he feels for me he said his feelings are growing.. What does that mean!?
I meet this guy at dinner, we hung out and closed the place down with the bartender neither of us knew, (and we weren’t drunk) we went back to his place and fooled around, I had work the next morning so I left and when I started to get dressed he sounded confused and asked if I was leaving.
Next day he texts me asking to hangout, I kind of asked what we’d do if we hung out and he responded get a bottle of wine and have passionate sex all night, or hang out making plans to take over the world and “check it out” not have sex at all, anyways I kind of didn’t really say yes or no, he pushed I came over, he introduced me to his “best friend” drank wine with him, ended up having sex and I went to sleep then work, next day I text him asking if he would come over he did, we again hung out for awhile then fooled around and I went to work. Then I went on a trip to Cali and he initiated a couple texts on my first two days. I’m not a big texter so I tried my best to give good responses. Then I initiated like one or two throughout the week, when I got home I asked him if he wanted to come over and talk me to sleep, he imediatly said yes, and brought me candy saying everyone likes gifts when they come home. But it got kind of weird, we were hanging out for like 20 minutes and he said something about his brother I think which he literally told me two hours ago he was hanging out with, and I responded you have a brother, oh duh you told me that. He said Rachel you never listen to me, then leaned over to shut me up from explaining myself and kissed me. We folded around again and the next morning I left for work, which he seemed surprised I was working. Two days later he texted me asking if I was on BC, we talked about that for a minute, then I let the text go, not responding to the last one and I have heard from him in about a week. Bottom line, I like the guy, but I’m overly cautious of being needy. Does he sound like a player or like I pushed him away with my personality. Should I text him?
I agree on a lot of this but not texting isn’t an indication he’s not interested, especially in the early stages (atleast in my experience). My ex – bf when we first started dating would never text me. It was a problem of course, but he really did like me and want me in his life, he was just a bad communicator like so many men are… 13 months later I was surprised that after all the struggle in communication we were in a happy relationship together
So there’s this guy I met trhough Tinder, he’s a total sweetheart and we’ve been snapchatting for more than a week. He was always studying for exams, so I tried to refrain from snapchatting him everyday, but every time I did, he replied quickly and like he was into the conversation. The last time we snapchatted was a few days ago and he had told me the date of his last exams. Today was his last exam, but I don’t know if I should initiate the conv or wait till he talks to me! (btw I sent him a flirty snap saying I knew he was studying and I send love haha that was like 4 days ago) what should I do? it’s been 4 days since the last time we talked.
I had a crush who I told I liked him, we been friends for 12 years. Now we don’t talk anymore, I got upset with him. I kind of miss him and want to see how he is doing but I can’t go back to how things where. Our friendship is a long novel, we never seen each other but sent pictures and talk and text, almost everyday. Oh well, thanks for the good reads.
I like this guy and we’ve known each other for several years because our younger brothers are friends as are our parents. Recently we started talking and he gave me his phone number. I’ve seen him twice and after I’ve seen him he’s texted me right after both times. In person we have great conversations where we are both laughing and it’s not awkward at all. But our text message convos are totally wierd and awkward (like one time we talked about his cats). We haven’t seen each other in almost 2 months and I want to text him but I’m not sure if I should. Any advice?
The guy I’m texting is very sweet we went to camp together and I only see him 3weeks out of the whole year I gave me his number and he was the one who texted first but now he stopped idk if he is annoyed that I texted him or if I said something wrong what should I do
So I went on a date with thus guy so obviously he liked me. But then after the date we kind of stopped talking. It’s been twenty days now. He has got a very important exam and one of the explanation for his silence is that he is studying (in Italy you have to pass the exam to finish high school). What should I do? Should I text him? Does he still like me or not? I texted him after the date saying I had a great time and he replied saying he had a great time too and MAYBE we could see other times. WHAT’S THAT “MAYBE” FOR? Sorry, I am probably overreacting but I need help. Just to add: in school we actually don’t talk at all, and noe that school as finished is even worse you know… But he is fine with that, he says that it’s normal because we are in different groups. In addiction I am really shy.
I need some advice. A guy I’ve been getting to know (who lives in another city) has been texting me and very affectionate which I loved. We met up a couple of times and during the last time he was affectionate and looking after me really nicely. A couple of days later I get a message from him saying things are moving too fast and he needs to call it off between us to think about what he wants. It’s been a week and I can’t stop thinking about him. Do I message him? And what do I say? I want to give it a go and go slow with him. I really enjoy his company and spending time with him. Again we live in different cities so can’t just go for coffee to chat. Help!??
Okay question,
So I went to high school with this guy and we went to senior prom together ( at the time I was dating an older guy who wouldn’t go with me). I was dumb and didn’t realize my prom date was PERFECT for me. Fast forward 4 years later I see him in my hometown. It was an immediate connection we hung out a couple of times while he was home and of course had sex. He lives in LA right now and we talk on and off here and there. I know there was a connection but we didn’t talk about it. I’m not sure what to do, I know he will be home for Christmas so should I just keep things as is until I see him again? Or should I try to strike up more conversations with him more frequently?