Hot, fast and even rough sex can be fun, but balancing it out by having slow, romantic sex is a good idea too and this is for a lot of reasons. Romantic sex involves intimacy, affection and lets you show your man just how much you care about him. Being romantic involves having a connection and not just a genital one.
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It’s often difficult to be romantic when life gets in the way, though. Getting the kids off to school while you and your sweetie are rushing to get out the door yourselves only to start another hectic routine when everyone is back home isn’t exactly conducive to long romantic sex sessions. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore that part of your relationship. Making time for some romantic sex with your man helps cement your relationship, and that helps get you both through the more challenging times.
1. Discuss Beforehand
Good communication is key to romance and having romantic sex with your man. It’s important to talk about personal topics, not just about the kids or home maintenance. During one of your talks, bring up the idea of being more romantic. You want to make sure that you and your honey are on the same page in the romance department. Explain to your man how much you both need some romantic “date nights” together, how that will bring you closer and how much fun it will be.
It’s important to keep the relationship interesting, and that means doing something different from the same old stuff like renting a movie. Breaking your routine for some scheduled intimacy helps couples stay together, and that advice comes from the American Psychological Association, not just me! Send you sweetie a note after your talk to let him know that you’re planning something special for the two of you. Anticipation is a powerful aphrodisiac.
2. Plan a Weekend Away
If you can swing it financially, plan a weekend getaway at a luxury hotel or a bed-and-breakfast. He’ll appreciate the fact that you did all the planning and all he has to do is show up. Plus, the excitement of getting away for the sole reason of having romantic sex should be enough to get his — and your — heart racing. If you can’t get away, you can still set up some romance at home, which we will discuss later.
Just the thought of you going to the trouble of setting up this weekend with him is romantic, which is a great start. Research the best restaurants or nightclubs for dancing in the area, so you’ll have something fun and romantic to do to set the mood for even more fun when you get back to your room.
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3. Shop for Something New to Wear
Now that you have the weekend planned, shop for something to wear, both for out on your date and for when you return. Go ahead and get that bodycon dress or sexy lingerie that you can’t wear in front of the kids or to work but that you know your honey will appreciate. Pick something you know he’ll like. You can find more tips here on dressing sexy here.
And don’t forget the lingerie. It might seem silly to you now since you’ve been married for so long, but a sexy Victoria’s Secret number never ceases to excite a man. Men are visual creatures. If you want his eyes and attention on you, get a sexy little number that flatters your shape. Curvy women look hot in a sturdy, lacy bra and boy shorts or high-waist panties. A push-up, side paneled bra paired with a thong looks great on women with a boyish or straight shape. And don’t forget to pick him up a little something to wear, too. What man wouldn’t want to know that you find him sexy?
4. Set the Scene
If your budget simply doesn’t allow a hotel or bed-and-breakfast, don’t splurge on that anyway because the anxiety you’ll have from spending too much will be a buzz kill for both of you. But don’t worry; you can still achieve the same goal right at home. Plan for your kids to spend the night at their grandparent’s or a friend’s house. You can owe them one. Once you have the place to yourself, set the mood to make the place seem more exotic.
Remove any clutter from the room, and then fill the space with scented candles or flowers. Make sure to have some cozy, soft material around. Put on the type of music you both enjoy, and dim the lights. But don’t necessarily feel you have to do this in the bedroom. Since no one’s home but the two of you, you might want to plan your romance in a different room like on the couch in the front room. Pretend you both are young and newlyweds again, back when you were both spontaneous and passionate. Or if you want to stay in the bedroom, bring something new to the table. Massage oils and lotions are very romantic. They also provide a great way to de-stress and relax.
5. Talk Romantically (& Talk Dirty!)
Now that the night has arrived and you’re on your date, you need something to talk about after complimenting each other on how sexy you both look. Avoid discussing what you normally talk about at home — this talk is about the two of you being intimate. Start by telling your man what you appreciate about him. Let him know all the ways you value him, such as telling him what a great dad he is and noticing how hard he works to help provide for the family. This type of talk shows your man how much you care for and love him and that, although you can handle life on your own, you still need him.
Tell your man that you would pick him all over again. Reassure him that working long hours or taking some time to hang out with the guys is OK. He’ll feel more relaxed and more in the mood for some long romantic hot sex. Oh, and once you are having sex, you might want to incorporate some romantic dirty talk too. This guide will show you exactly how to talk dirty to your man.
6. Start Slowly & Sensually
Romantic sex is all about taking it slowly and prolonging the act. The focus isn’t the “big O” here, but interestingly, combining a romantic connection with sex improves orgasms for most people. Look into each other’s eyes during sex, especially if you usually close them, to ensure a stronger connection.
If you can, then incorporate the practice of tantric sex into your romantic sex, which is a form of tantra yoga that features prolonged lovemaking. The goal of tantra is for both of you to be in touch with your bodies, not just to have routine sex. Start by harmonizing your breathing. Sit on his lap in straddle position, and inhale his exhaled breath. He does the same and inhales your exhaled breath. Make sure when you do this to let the breath flow into your entire body, and watch as he does the same with your breath.
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Now it’s time for kissing — something you couldn’t get enough of during your dating and honeymoon phases but that often is passed over during routine sex. Kissing is an essential part of romantic sex. You should already be super relaxed from the breathing exercise, so your kisses should reflect that, and they should also be slow. Circle the tip of his tongue with your tongue. Then massage his tongue with yours. You should both be feeling the love you have for each other.
7. The Lotus Position is Perfect…if you’re flexible
Any position that allows you to look into his eyes is romantic. That’s why I always recommend something like the lotus position (demonstrated here) if you are flexible enough and you find it comfortable.
Keep your movements slow and rhythmic as you feel his breath on your lips. You should get some good stimulation in this position, and he gets a good view.
8. Go Back to Basics: Missionary
The missionary position might be the old go-to position, but it’s popular for a reason. It’s perfect for when you want to have romantic sex with your man, and it allows you to continue eye contact. He can run his fingers through your hair and gently touch your face while you’re both moving in perfect rhythm. Plus, both of your bodies will be in full contact with each other.
Try varying the position by putting your legs over his shoulders so that you are in the Anvil position, as demonstrated below. This allows the deepest penetration, and it allows you to keep on those sexy high heels you just wore for your date night. Again, keep things moving slowly, especially when your legs are over his shoulders; it could be painful if he gets too deep too quickly, so remember: communication is key.
Another variation with the missionary position is for you to keep your legs closed. Although your legs are closed, this position opens up a whole new range of sensations for both of you.
9. Keeping it Basic: Spooning
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Spooning breaks the maintaining eye contact rule, but it’s great if you want to learn how to have romantic sex none the less thanks to the amount of body contact it incorporates. With him on the outside of the spoon, he is in a good position to give you slow and gentle kisses on your neck and earlobe while whispering what he’s feeling about you right then. He’s in a dominant position, so you should just enjoy it, and go with the flow. But you can always push back against him or change the angle of entry by changing your lying position.
While you’re lying on your side with him behind you, he can then enter you, and you can scoot your butt to him. This puts him in a good position to gently caress your breasts. After some time of this, flip over to face him, and keeping with the spoon theme, wrap one leg around his side. Now you can look at each other and start kissing again.
Keep the Romance Alive
The exhilarating and passionate honeymoon phase usually doesn’t last more than two years at most. But when couples work on their marriage, that honeymoon phase doesn’t go away; it just changes to something different, a more calm type of love which is just as important for keeping your marriage intimate.
The key to remaining close in your relationship is communication to keep the connection going. You both need to trust and respect each other. You should be able to talk with each other about anything, and when you talk, be sure you are speaking in a kind tone. It’s sometimes possible to tell whether a couple will stay together or break up just by the way they communicate. You both also need to overlook each other’s annoying quirks — yes even you have some. Just knowing that you both accept each other, quirks and all, makes your relationship stronger, which can open the door to romance and having passionate romantic sex.
If you can’t always get away for the weekend, try going on a picnic when the kids are at school, or do something you used to do together before life became complicated. While the Bad Girls Bible will teach you everything you need to know about having incredible sex, don’t forget that there’s more to a romantics and passionate love life than just sex.
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