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Getting rid of sexual anxiety is crucial if you want to enjoy your sex life to the fullest extent.
That’s actually what the Bad Girls Bible is all about! Having the best sex possible (both for you and for your man).
Side Note: I put together this in-depth assesment that will uncover just how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. It may uncover some uncomfortable truths, or you may discover that you are already a queen at giving blow jobs. Click here to take my quick (and shockingly accurate) “Blow Job Skills” assessment right now and find out how good your blow job skills really are...
If you are not feeling fully sexually confident with yourself and around your partner, then this article will help to alleviate some of that anxiety/stress you are feeling.
Overnight Change?
Before reading on, you need to recognise that becoming sexually confident and reducing your sexual anxiety to zero takes time. It’s not an overnight process. Don’t believe any people who say it is.
Like Learning To Drive
Think of it like learning to drive.
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At first you are worried about your position on the road. Are you driving too fast or too slow? Are you checking your mirror enough? Are your hands on the right place on the steering wheel?
Once you get your licence and are confident behind the wheel, you stop caring about these things. Eventually you reach a point where you are doing everything on autopilot and are only thinking about your destination.
The process of learning to drive is exactly the same process you go through when you are gaining sexual confidence and eliminating sexual anxiety.
You might start off worrying about all sorts of things:
- Am I doing it right?
- Am I going too fast/too slow?
- Should I talk dirty or not talk at all?
- Should I be a bit more assertive?
- Should I be less assertive and let him take control?
- Should I have made foreplay last longer?
Once you gain experience, you won’t have these questions anymore. You’ll simply be enjoying yourself and will know when to focus your attention on your man and when to relax and let him focus his attention on you. If you want a quick start guide on getting confident, especially when it comes to talking dirty to your man to build sexual tension and turn him on then you will learn a lot from this powerful dirty talking tutorial video I created.
Putting It Into Practice
Ok Sean, I think I get it. I need to gain experience to reduce my sexual anxiety. What’s the best way to gain sex experience? Are you saying that I should sleep around a lot?
Sleeping around is not the best way to gain sexual confidence.
A much better way is to find someone that you like, but more importantly someone you are comfortable around. In other words, someone that makes you feel good when you are around them.
As you start getting intimate with him, you should begin experimenting pretty much straight away:
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Lousy Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
- Use some of the tips from the blowjob section and see what he enjoys the most.
- Then try giving him a handjob.
- Then try talking dirty or sending him some dirty text messages to see if he likes it.
- Next try out as many different sex positions as you feel like trying out.
- Then try some of my more ‘Advanced’ and ‘Pro’ sex tips to see which ones you enjoy.
Still Feeling Anxious?
Even though you may feel comfortable around your man outside of the bedroom, you may still be feeling nervous or worried about what your man is thinking inside the bedroom, but the truth is that he is just as worried about what you think of him (trust me, I am a guy writing this after all).
The only way to overcome this anxiety is to just forge ahead and try new things even if you are feeling nervous. You’ll notice that if you try a new sex technique, even if it doesn’t go very well, nothing bad actually happens.
In fact, the most likely outcome is that your man will still enjoy it and appreciate the fact that you are interested in trying new things.
After experimenting with your man only a few times, you will notice that you are more sexually confident and less sexually anxious.
The more you experiment, the more confidence you’ll get.
It really is that simple.
You’ll also find that reading my Pornstar Sexual Confidence book that comes free with The Blowjob Bible will help to rid you of sexual anxiety.
So if you are serious about overcoming your sexual anxiety, please take this advice to heart and check out the rest of the Bad Girls Bible for some killer sex tips on how to please your man.
*Note: If you have experienced a traumatic event in the past that you feel has led to your sexual anxiety, it important to get the help and advice from a trained medical professional.
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Hi sean i love your article, please i need your advice on how to satisfy my pot belly patner
To get my best tips, you’ll find them in my newsletter here.
Hi Sean, I can see how this article will help a lot of people. It’s not the same with me though. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. I completely trust him and love trying new things with him…
But I’m naturally quite a submissive person. I’m not all that confident, and I’m not dominant. I want to be able to be the one to initiate sexual play and I want to be able to get pretty assertive and dominant at times. It just seems like it’s something I have to work really hard with. I talk about it with my husband and it’s beginning to really bother him that he’s always making the first move. He thinks it means I don’t want it that much.
If you have any tips I’d be really grateful.
Thank you.
Talking is a great start. Taking the initiative doesn’t have to be a grand gesture where you grab him and throw him against a wall. It can be something much smaller. You can simply grab his hand and hold it and then start stroking it. Of if you like, you can ask him to help you in the bedroom and then when he comes in, you can already be in bed, then just ask him to “help you in bed”.
I am experiencing this exact same type of thing. Difference being that my husband and I are actively in a D/s relationship as well.
He likes me to do things like being vocal about wanting sex when I want it, and doing things like riding him.
I want to do those things but I have a horrible time trying to maintain my subspace mindset when I’m riding and I see him literallu beneath me.
I know this all sounds like I’m meek and timid and, well, submissive. I am submissive… In the bedroom or at the play dungeon. In my daily life, I’m very much an empowered, militant feminist who has some pretty heavy control freak tendencies, if I’m being honest.
I don’t know why I cannot seem to allow even a sliver of that to carry over into the bedroom. ?
Hi Sean, your tips have really helped me, my boyfriend is sexually obsessed with me now lol! Thank you 🙂
Great article! My issue with anxiety is the lack of confidence I have in the way I look naked. Men are attracted to looking at very fit younger women and that has affected how I feel and see myself more than I like to admit. I don’t think I look too bad but it intimidates me knowing my guy is attracted to the “younger model look”. We are both in our 50’s, I’m 56 and he is 52, he isn’t the “younger model” either but the difference is I’m not attracted to younger men. With all that said, what can I do to feel more confident being fully undressed with him when we have sex, or not, that can help reduce the anxiety? We’ve been together over a year, you would think I would be more comfortable in my own skin, no pun intended. Thank you, I look forward to your reply…
I’m with you but no advice. I’m struggling with the same thing. Good news is he is 61 and those sweet young things won’t give him a second glance. Aging sucks when your physical out grows your mental. I’m 54 but mentally I feel more like 30. My body feels…well, old and worn out. I’m overweight but losing on this keto diet. I want to be confident but I can’t even sand to see myself naked. I’ve got scars from past surgeries. Anyway, I’m going to take a leap of faith and just embrace the cringe! It will get easier I do believe that. Good luck!
Hey Sean,
I’m all about spicing things up in the bedroom however my problem is I can’t seem to relax. I didn’t have this problem until a year ago. I don’t know what to do about this problem. I need some help with n I’m tired of feeling like I’m a failure to him.
Yes younger woman he has to picture so he can come and it hurts how do i get him back he beggedbmebback dont want to go how do i makebit us not her
Hi Sean. Thus is all great but I’m a guy who can do fine one on one. As soon as there are more people I have issues. I’m just forging ahead like you say.
Hey, I was wondering if I could get some advice on something? I keep having sex dreams about my husbands best friend (with my husband in them in a three way). I don’t find him attractive but his dominant personality is really alluring. My husband doesn’t want any threesomes because of his ex girlfriend, which I understand, however I want one with him so badly because of the dreams. What could I do in this situation? I’ve already talked to him about the first one I had and he said it made him uncomfortable and he got really insecure about having his friend over and told me he didn’t wanna hear about any other dreams I had like that again. I’ve had 9 since our talk 2 months ago.