If you’re like many women, you have sex for your partner and not yourself. Your motivation isn’t about your own pleasure, and you might not know how to experience pleasure. You might also be wondering if this means something is wrong with you. We’re here with this guide on how to enjoy sex to help women end years of pleasureless sex and start enjoying everything sexuality has to offer.
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How to Enjoy Sex As a Woman
It’s hard to enjoy sex if you’re not stimulating the correct parts or doing quite the right thing to them, so these next bits of advice on enjoying sex are more about mechanics. If you think it’s simply a case of technique that’s barring you from enjoying sex, keep reading.
Get to Know Your Body
Before you can enjoy sex, you need to get to know your body. This enables you to learn what feels good and even how to orgasm (perhaps with squirting or having multiples) in a low-pressure situation. You can then bring the knowledge of your body and its needs to sex, enabling you to have more fun.
The best way to get to know your body is to masturbate, and we’re written a few good guides on the subject (try this one). You’ll also want to brush up on your erogenous zones (more on that here) and read up on all your hot spots. Discover how to find the G-spot and what the A-spot is.
Of important note is your clitoris. If you’re like many women, you need direct clitoral stimulation to get off, and sex doesn’t usually provide this. There are many ways to pleasure yourself. Check out this list of 9 clitoral stimulation techniques.
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Once you’ve gotten acquainted with your powerful body and its ability to experience pleasure, you can do those things during sex or teach them to your partner.
Revel In Your Power
This bit of advice that helps you learn how to enjoy sex might sound a little hokey to some, but bear with us! Your body is pretty powerful. You can walk upright, bear children, experience intense pleasure, provide others with pleasure, run marathons and do so much more! When you recognize how impressive and powerful your body is, you’ll probably feel pretty sexy.
Keep that in mind the next time you hop between the sheets, and you might find yourself enjoying sex quite a bit more!
Try A Different Position
You won’t enjoy sex much if you’re in a position that’s uncomfortable or has you folded up in a pretzel. Similarly, an incorrect angle can sap all the pleasure from sex. So try a different position. If you want more G-spot stimulation, this may mean doggy style. The coital alignment technique (read more) is great for clit stimulation, and hopping on top of your man allow you to control the angle, depth, and pace.
Get all sorts of inspiration from our sex positions guide with pictures.
Adding pillows or wedges can also help you try even more positions or get into positions that may be difficult or impossible to enjoy otherwise.
If there’s one way to make sex more enjoyable, it’s using lube. Lube decreases friction and the chances of tears that could lead to bacterial infections or STIs. Some people worry there’s something wrong with them if they want to use lube, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Using lube is safe, smart and sexy, and you can even opt for one that adds tingles or warmth.
You might have a vibrator that you enjoy during solo time, but have you ever considered adding it to play time with your partner? A vibrator can add just what you need to send you over the edge or provide more pleasure, but it’s far from the only option.
- Butt plugs and anal beads can be worn during sex for extra sensation.
- A cock ring helps your partner stay hard longer, and some of them vibrate.
- Cuffs and bondage toys can up the ante.
- Paddles, whip, floggers and other impact play toys help you explore your kinky side.
- Massage creams and candles aren’t toys per se, but they can be a lot of fun.
There are plenty of other toys to choose from, including nipple clamps, clit pumps, prostate toys, harnesses and strap-ons, and electrostimulation, among others. Trying out a new toy can lead to new activities, including roleplay, BDSM, and pegging (learn more) just to name a few. Whether you need to discover new ways of sexual pleasure or just want to get out of the routine, sex toys help many women enjoy sex.
Sometimes changing technique isn’t enough to help you enjoy sex because there’s a bigger issue, and you’ve got to deal with it before you can really enjoy sex.
Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin
One reason why women have a hard time enjoying sex is that they’re just not comfortable in their skin. They’ve got issues with body confidence, or they worry about their performance. They’re too busy feeling ashamed or worried what their partners think. Their heads are never in the game. It’s no wonder they don’t enjoy sex more.
Building confidence and self-esteem is essential, not just to enjoying sex and trying all those positions and activities without worrying but to being comfortable in your relationship and feeling like you deserve your partner. It also helps you be a happier, healthier person overall.
Our post about feeling confident in girl on top sex positions has some great advice on building your sexual confidence. Read it here
You might try dressing up for sex to give your confidence that extra boost. Put on your makeup, tease your hair and dress up in lingerie and heels. You’ll feel great, and we promise that your lover will go gaga for it, too!
It’s hard to relax simply by telling yourself to relax. In fact, that might have the opposite effect. However, relaxing is important when it comes to enjoying sex for women. Gaining confidence is one way to help you relax, but it’s not the only way.
A sensual massage might help you relax. You can trade massages with your partner. Get tips here.
You might also benefit from reading this post on dealing with sexual anxiety.
It’s also important to be comfortable with your partner. If it’s not someone you totally trust or if you feel as though you don’t deserve that person, it might be especially difficult to relax. It’s okay if you only want to have sex with someone whom you trust. You should also remember that you’re a desirable woman who is worthy of a sexual partner – and that partner probably has hangups about himself, so that takes the light off of you.
Many women have sex for their men. Those men get off, and women feel disappointed or even used. However, it’s possible for women to enjoy sex (as we hope we proved above), and we want all our readers of the Bad Girls Bible to get as much enjoyment as possible out of sex.
If you don’t create a place in your sex life for your pleasure, things aren’t likely to get better. Your partners are selfish, and it’s okay for you to be selfish, too. Take responsibility for your own pleasure because no one else will!
This goes hand-in-hand with being selfish about sex. If you want to know how to enjoy sex, you’re going to need to learn how to talk about sex. This is key to asking for what you need and making sure you get it. Some women struggle with speaking up, so we’ve written a great guide to talking about sex.
Remember that letting your partner know what you want is also good for him. He doesn’t need to guess when you’re upfront with him, and he’ll know when he’s doing a good job and get better at pleasing you. Some people avoid talking about sex because those discussions can be uncomfortable, but they’re ultimately necessary and beneficial.
Share Your Fantasies
Maybe you like reading romance novels, watching erotic movies or role playing. There might be a story that you play in your head when you masturbate or have sex. Or there may be something that you’ve yet to acknowledge, lurking just around the corner.
Everyone has fantasies. It’s normal and healthy! It can be healthy to play those fantasies in your head and sexy to share them with your partner or even act them out.
A word about fantasies: they can sometimes be alarming. Rape fantasies, for example, are pretty common. It doesn’t mean you actually want that situation to come to fruition – and many fantasies are better left in the fantasy world. Learn more about fantasies.
Perhaps you let your lover take the reigns during sex, but that might be the reason why you’re not enjoying sex as much as you could be! If you want to discover how to enjoy sex, you might need to come to terms with your inner goddess. So initiate sex, take charge of the scene have fun. You’ve got this!
If you find that you really love control, it might be time to try on the role of dominant woman in the bedroom!
How to Enjoy Sex – You’re Doing It Wrong
Don’t Force It
We briefly touched on how hard it is to relax if you’re trying to force it. In the same vein, you’ll have trouble enjoying sex if you try to make yourself enjoy it. Sometimes it might not be that awesome, even if you really like sex and your partner. It’s okay to hold off until a time when it will be easier to enjoy sex. It’s also okay to have sex because it will help you connect with your partner or to do it for your lover – as long as you don’t feel coerced.
Don’t Focus on Orgasm
It might sound counter-intuitive but focusing on orgasm can make it harder to come. We understand why you want to orgasm, especially if you’ve never been able to before, but it’s okay if you don’t. Simply focus on the pleasure and do more of what feels good if you want to know how to enjoy sex. It’s too easy to write off sex if you don’t get off, but orgasm isn’t the only measure of good sex!
Sex Is More Than Just Penis in Vagina
Penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex has become the definition of sex for many people, but we suggest that you think outside the box. Oral, anal, manual sex, mutual masturbation, making out and all sexual activities are as worthy of spending time on as PIV sex. Don’t rush through them because sex is “supposed” to be about genitals coming together. And sex doesn’t even need to involve penetration if you don’t want it to.
It’s easy to get down on yourself if you view PIV as the only “real” or legitimate sex but don’t particularly enjoy it. But nothing’s wrong with you if you’re just not that into it. There are so many other sexual activities that couples have written off such as foreplay, thinking that it’s only for teens. Don’t! Because it’s not true.
Now that you’ve got some ideas on how to enjoy sex, it’s time to experiment. But don’t view it as a checklist. Instead, enjoy trying new things and techniques, no matter how it turns out!
Through this, you can learn about your body and its needs and bring that knowledge to partner play for sex that you truly enjoy as much as – or even more than – your man!
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