How do you know when you’re making love instead of just having sex? It’s pretty obvious when you know what signs to look out for.First, we’re going to talk about what love making is, as opposed to just having meaningless sex. Then you’re going to learn the 17 signs that he’s making love to you and how to spot them.
What Is Love Making?
Before we dive into the signs it’s more than physical for him, let’s talk about making love. When you make love, you share more than just a physical or sexual connection. You want to express your deep feelings and commitment for one another. Making love can even be a form of sexual healing, which Marvin Gaye knows all about.
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What does true love making mean to a guy? Because making love is all about the connection and emotion, it doesn’t have to look one way. Some people prefer to make love slowly with a special playlist in the background (check out these songs to make love to) but rough sex can also be a form of love making, especially if you and your partner transfer a lot of energy and emotion during it.
Sex without love can be empty for men just as much as women – If you believe that sex is always meaningless to men, you might be a bit surprised to read this. Many men crave loving sex much more than the meaningless kind.
And if you’re not sure what it means when a guy says he wants to make love to you, assume he wants a deeper emotional connection. But don’t be afraid to ask what that means to him so you can get on the same page. He’ll likely mention some of the signs below when discussing the differences between making love and having sex, and you can do them to ensure he feels like you’re making love, too.
17 Signs He’s Making Love to You
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The following are some common signs he’s making love and not just having sex. The more of these things he does, the better the chances that he wants to connect emotionally as well as sexually/physically. Tread carefully if you only notice one or two of these signs, especially if you’re not in a committed relationship.
1. He Tells You He Loves You
The first and most obvious sign that it’s more than just sex for him is that he tells you he loves you, especially if he uses the words throughout the day and not just in the bedroom. But if you’re waiting for him to say those three little words, be patient. It can take a lot to open up to someone that way.
Psst, if you’re looking for what to say to a man after making love, “I love you” might just fit the bill.
2. He Makes Eye Contact
Eye contact is a universal sign of sexual attraction and can be incredibly vulnerable, so when a man looks into your eyes while making love, it could mean that he wants to open himself up to you. However, eye contact can also make sex more intense.
Lack of eye contact doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings about you either. It may be too vulnerable for him. Plus, he may simply be used to closing his eyes or looking away during sex, either because it’s his natural reaction or he thinks the faces he makes are strange.
Eye contact is also an important factor to great tantric sex.
3. He Wants to Connect with Your Full Body
Sometimes when people are only interested in sex, they hyper-focus on genitals because it’s pleasure and orgasm that they desire, not a deeper intimate connection. Of course, you can achieve pleasure, sexual or otherwise, by stimulating your full body, so that’s never a great policy.
But when it comes to love making, you want to connect as partners with whom you share feelings, not simply someone who can provide sexual gratification. Full-body connection is one way to show that the entire person matters. So if he can’t keep his hands, mouth, and other body parts off yours, it may be one of the signs he wants more than sex.
4. He Expresses Emotion
Whether he sheds a tear, uses emotional words, or gets a little choked up, having sex with you likely means a lot to him.
Not every guy can easily show emotion, so it’s not bad if you don’t notice these things. But if he does show his feelings, especially if he’s not the expressive type, it’s definitely a sign he is making love to you.
5. He Wants to Spend Time with You Before and After Sex
You know the classic signs that he enjoys sex and nothing else: you get in and out without spending the night, even if you’re tired, because it sends the wrong message.
So if you spend time together before you enter the bedroom or hang out afterward, it could mean he enjoys spending time with you as a person in addition to the sex. This is especially true if you’re not just setting up a booty call but have sex after a full date.
Related: What is a booty call?
6. He Wants to Be Intimate Afterward
You know what they say: cuddling is emotionally intimate. If he sticks around for it–and the accompanying pillow talk–you’ve got a good reason to think “he made love to me.” But this could also be a consequence of all those feel-good hormones swimming around his body after sex, so make sure to look for other signs of making love if you want to be sure how he feels.
7. He Wants to Give You Pleasure
If he’s only interested in sex, he might not give much thought to your pleasure or even care if you’re comfortable. You might have been in a situation in the past where you were uncomfortable or even in pain, and your partner didn’t care much.
Taking time to ask how something feels, if you like it might just mean that he’s a good lover, but they could also be the difference between making love and having sex.
8. He Goes Down On You And Doesn’t Expect You To Reciprocate
Have you ever heard something similar to the idea that if he goes down on you, he loves you? There’s certainly something to that! Men tend to be a bit more selfish when feelings aren’t involved, and more giving to serious partners.
You can see how his willingness to eat you out is an extension of him caring about your pleasure, especially if he doesn’t expect you to go down on him in return.
Check this out: 13 signs he likes going down on you an eating you out.
9. He Pulls You Close
Have you ever been having sex with your partner when he pulls you so close it’s as if he wants your two bodies to become one? That’s a telltale sign he is making love to you.
10. He Compliments Your Personality
While comments about how sexy you are or how much he wants you are flattering and feel good, they’re not necessarily signs he wants to make love to you. The same is true when you compliment guys.
These comments might only be about physical attraction and not anything deeper. The same goes for compliments about your sexual skills.
Related: Discover what guys find sexy
However, if he freely compliments your personality or other talents, he might be interested in far more than just sex from you.
11. He Kisses You–with Passion
Along with going down on you, kissing can be a sign of making love because many people reserve it for romantic partners only. Of course, not everyone has the same rules, which you’ll read about later. But if those kisses are long, passionate, and lingering rather than quick pecks, it’s looking good that he has feelings for you.
12. He’s A Fan Of Slow Sex
What does love making feel like? For many people it’s slow and sensual sex, not hurried. That doesn’t mean that quickies have no place in relationships or when you have strong feelings for someone or that other types of sex can’t be incredibly intimate.
But slow sex is one way how to show a many you love him sexually.
13. He Is Open And Vulnerable With You
Showing his unpleasant faces during orgasm, discussing his sexual fantasies, talking about his insecurities, and not hiding his body are all examples of being vulnerable.
If he’s not afraid to show his perceived weaknesses, even if you don’t see them that way, he’s comfortable showing you who he really is and trusts that you won’t make fun of, judge, or leave him.
It can take time to reach this level of trust, so these might be signs of a deeper emotional connection that goes beyond sex. However, some people have an easier time expressing these things than others, even when not in relationships, so be careful.
14. He Makes Sure That You’re Satisfied
Few things are worse than a guy who comes, rolls over, and falls asleep. You might not have been ready for things to end or haven’t yet had a chance to cum.. It’s pretty clear how this can leave you unsatisfied.
But when a guy really cares about you, he wants to make sure you’re satisfied. Now, it’s hard to fight against biology. There’s a reason why guys fall asleep after sex so easily. However, there are ways to get around that, starting with giving you an orgasm (or two) before intercourse or even focusing solely on your pleasure.
If you want to know how to tell if he loves you in bed, look for signs that he wants you to be satisfied.
15. He Understands When You Don’t Want Sex
Making love is essentially a conversation between two people. It’s about connection, pleasure, commitment, and so much more. That means you both need to want it, and neither of you should be pushing for sex or sulking when the other doesn’t want it. Those are incredibly selfish behaviors (and you shouldn’t stand for them with casual partners, either!).
Of course, sex drives wax and wane in relationships. The longer you’re together, the more stress you’ll endure together, and bodies change, too. So if you make effort to help each other get into the mood for sex, it’s different from pushing for sex.
16. It’s Not Just About Sex For Him
Are you in a committed relationship or do you share a life with your partner? Caring for your home, kids, pets, discussing the day, or a date are all other ways you can connect.
Some people might argue that they’re even more important than sex.
Find out how important sex is to a relationship.
When sex is just the cherry on top of everything else you share, and you know neither of you would give that up, rest assured you’re making love.
17. The Unspoken Feeling of a Deeper Connection
This sign he is making love to you is a bit tricky. There’s nothing to look for. It’s something you just feel. It can be quite overwhelming, and you might feel yourself choking up or pulling your partner close because you want to become one. You might even cry at the closeness.
Does It Matter If He’s Making Love to You?
If you’re concerned whether or not your partner is making love to you, then you either want him to be because you have feelings, or you’re worried he’s developed feelings for you when you’d rather keep things casual.
That’s certainly one of the risks of casual sex. One or both of you can develop feelings, even if you swear you won’t.
But it’s not necessarily easy to tell if a guy is making love to you for some of the reasons we’ve already touched on.
Rough, loving sex – Making love is more about your feelings than what you do in bed or how you do it. For example, rough sex can absolutely be a form of lovemaking if you and your partner express your feelings this way.
Kissing is not necessarily a sign – There are no rules to casual sex. If you think kissing is only for romantic partners, you might be surprised when your partner doesn’t think twice about planting his lips on yours simply because he likes to kiss during casual sex.
Sex talk is not very reliable – Finally, people can get carried away during sex because it feels good and their bodies are flooded with hormones. So you might want to take anything your partner says during or immediately after sex with a grain of salt.
On the other hand, some people struggle to express their feelings, especially if they’re not sure if you feel the same.
What does this mean?
You need to talk – When you want to know how someone feels for sure, you’ve got to talk about it. That’s true whether you want to know if he’s making love to you, what his sexual fantasies are, or how he likes to be touched. You can also ask questions like “What does making love feel like to you?” to understand his experiences in bed.
Of course, sex is a tricky subject to talk about for many couples, and feelings aren’t an easy topic to tackle, either. Check out this guide to sexual communication to get some tips for how to handle these conversations.
Does Making Love Strengthen A Relationship?
Making love can help your relationship. If you have a strong connection, sex can reflect that. It can bring you closer together if there’s been a little distance. Often, it seems natural to make love after making up from an argument.
But if you don’t have a strong relationship or all you really have is sex, then a roll in the hay often isn’t enough to fix things or make it last.
We’ve listed some common and not-so-common signs that he’s making love to you. Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments. And if this list helped you learn more about your relationship, we’d love to hear it.
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