Important Note: From talking to students of the Bad Girls Bible, I learned that most wanted to learn the initial signs of sexual attraction that they should watch out for. The later stages when a guy is sexually attracted are plain obvious…kissing you, holding you close, becoming erect & literally telling you that he wants you don’t need to be listed here. It would waste time (and we already have an amazing article to read if you want to know 20 signs that he wants you!). Instead, you are going to learn about the subtle, earlier signs that someone is sexually attracted to you which are much more valuable in those make-or-break, does-he-or-doesn’t-he like me moments.
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One of the most delicious pains in life is that feeling you get when you are talking to someone you find unbelievably attractive and begin to pick up on the signs of sexual attraction that they share the same interest.
The painful part can come from decoding whether he feels these same feelings for you. It’s actually why I have put together this article on the different signs men give that they are sexually attracted.
The Science of Attraction
Fortunately, in between trying to find cures for major diseases and making technological advancements for the good of modern society; science has put millions of dollars towards research into the signs of sexual attraction between that men display.
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While you often only read about their breakthrough findings concerning the love life of finches and other funny creatures; there is still a serious area devoted to the study of attraction and fulfillment between men and women. Sexual attraction isn’t just measured in pheromones, but studies have been done looking at heart rate and arousal rate as it ties into body language and action to determine what the real signs are that a person is attracted sexually.
What science has discovered is that there are some definite indicators of sexual attraction that cannot be misinterpreted or explained away by wishful thinking or fantasy. Your best bet is to keep the following list in mind and if you see two or three occurring frequently, you know that moving out of the friend zone is imminent.
So…here are the 12 vital signs of sexual attraction you need to look for:
Read: Our guide to body language if you want to know what’s he’s thinking at every moment.
1. Staring at Powerful Places
Body language experts have taught us that making eye contact is a sign of interest and engagement. What they also have found is that where we look at a person reveals a lot when it comes to sexual attraction.
If his eyes keep drifting to your mouth, your hair, your legs and breasts then you can be pretty sure that his interest in you includes the physical. One thing that can reveal all is to see how he behaves when you hold your coffee cup. If you can reach forward and cradle the cup, while gently rubbing the lip or moving your hand on the body of the cup and he can’t take his eyes off your hands then you can pretty well tell that he is imagining being the one you are touching like that.
Learn about powerful places to touch a man and make him go wild in this article on men’s erogenous zones.
2. Meaningful Eye Contact
This is different from direct eye contact and staring at powerful places. Meaningful eye contact is the eye contact you make when nothing is said yet the eye contact alone speaks for itself. Many people have described the experience as being able to “look into someone’s soul.”
There is a softening of the muscles around the eyes and a less intense gaze that almost, but not quite, moves into the half closed focus of lust. It is a sexual attraction sign that the man is connected to you, but relaxing into your presence in a purely physical way.
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3. Mirror Behavior
Mirroring is a classic indicator of sexual interest and attraction. It can be used in many different situations to tell if someone is really into you. Watch your friend and see if they are subtly changing their body to match what you do.
- If you shift in your seat, do they change their position too?
- If you cross your legs or touch your hair, do they mirror your movements?
Scientists believe that mirroring is a left over from our animals days in which copying movements are a way to project being non-threatening. It can create an accessible persona to change your position to mirror the person you are interested in because it reflects back what they are doing. The more someone can recognize themselves in someone else, the deeper the attraction often goes.
Flirting is pretty straightforward, but it can be tricky too. It always makes the list of the major signs of sexual attraction but you have to be careful about a few things. First of all, you need to determine if the level of flirting is appropriate to the environment that you are in.
If a guy is being very sexually flirtatious in an office environment, this can be a real danger sign that you’re dealing with a potential douche or socially inept guy. Appropriate flirting in this kind of environment is more playful, not suggestive. The focus will be on delivering subtle compliments on your physical appearance, not delivering sexual suggestions.
If you are in a casual environment, or out at a club, it can be alright for some of the flirting to take on a sexual nature but it should not be overly aggressive and should have a playful sense to it. Speaking of playful…. For advice & tips on flirting, check out this foolproof article.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell when a guy is flirting. Look for these 13 signs that he’s flirting with you and return the favor!
5. Playful Touch
The easiest way to express what is playful touch, is to show you what it is not. A man who is rubbing your leg, back or any other body part is not engaged in playful touch. While it’s certainly a sign of sexual attraction from a man, it’s not the right kind of sign.
Rubbing and prolonged body contact with pressure is the kind of sign that you may want to back up a bit, it is overtly sexual and implies an intimacy that may not yet exist between the two of you.
Playful touch, on the other hand, is exactly what it sounds like – it is light and spontaneous, very quick and brings to mind puppies or kittens play-fighting with each other.
It most often takes the form of a quick touch of the fingertips to your arm or leg as a means of underscoring a point, or will happen when laughter is shared. It is striking in that it is unobtrusive and shocking in how electric it can feel. Playful touch is like being plugged into an electrical current. He will also avoid touching any overtly intimate places until you are both alone.
A massive sign that he’s sexually attracted is touching your hair. A woman’s hair holds a uniquely powerful sexual intimacy for a man. You will know when you have passed the point of flirting when he strokes his hand down your hair. Don’t forget to touch him back too!
You’ll find that touching him back is a very powerful way to quickly build sexual tension and arouse him. Learn why sexual tension is the single most powerful move in your toolbox.
Speaking of arousing him, this article will teach you everything you need to know to arouse your man.
6. Magnetic Pull
Have you ever had the experience of being in a shared space with someone you are attracted to and found, to your surprise that somehow you wind up standing next right next to them without being aware that you even moved closer?
This is a case of “magnetic pull”. It sounds a little spiritual and even ‘woo-woo’, but there is speculation that this has something to do with a theory called ‘cellular attraction.’ It means that our cells are literally attracted to each other as if we shared the same body and there is an uncontrollable urge to touch or be in close proximity.
Our sense of personal space changes when we are near someone we are sexually attracted to and opens up to include them within our comfort zone. If you think this might be at play between you and the object of your desire there is a simple way to test it…
When you notice that you are sharing that personal space with him, slowly begin to move and change location. If he always manages to hold the same space with you and follows you without noticing, magnetic pull is at play.
Magnetic pull can lead to great sexual chemistry. Here are 14 powerful ways to help sexual chemistry.
7. Considerate Memory
A man who is sexually attracted to you is going to develop a kind considerate memory. What this means is that he will remember small details about things that are important to you.
This doesn’t mean that he will remember what you like in your coffee, but he will remember – and surprise you – by recalling that on snowy days you always used to drink hot chocolate with star marshmallows when you were young and bring that to you unexpectedly. A man who is physically & sexually attracted to you wants to prove to you that he knows your important details, not just your details.
This could also be one of 13 signs he wants a relationship with you!
This is a pattern of comfort behavior that is meant to establish him as non-threatening and to encourage you to bond (as the scientists would say). It is usually very successful. The trick is to keep that type of behavior going once you start dating.
8. Deep Tone and Low Ends
This is one you have to pay attention to closely to get because it involves the tones of speech that a man uses around you. While it used to be that women always ended their sentences on a high note, making it sound like we were constantly asking questions and unsure of ourselves while men spoke in masterful deep tones with decisive low endings to their sentences; that is no longer true as a whole.
What scientists have discovered is that women adopt changes to language vocalization before men and that men follow suit. The “questioning” ending is relatively new to society and is often referred to as the “Valley Girl” because its origination is traced to the early 80s.
More men now speak in Valley Girl tones than not in casual conversation. So rather than raising the tone of his voice towards the end of sentences when he is interested in you, he will revert to the deep tones and low ends that we associate more with intimacy, arousal and seduction. By the way, when you are attracted to someone your vocal pattern will do the same.
If you want to learn more about how to talk dirty to your man, then you need to check out the examples & techniques I teach in the dirty talking instructional video here.
Nothing inappropriate going on here when this happens, self-touching refers to someone subtly stroking their own hands or face or running a hand down the top of their thigh. A man might also cross one arm in front and reach up to squeeze and rub his own shoulder. It is a subtle movement, but reveals much as a sign of attraction.
10. Hair stroking
Not yours. If a man reaches out and strokes your hair before you have “that” kind of relationship, or before you are ready to move into “that” kind of relationship it is a red flag that you are dealing with someone a little too aggressive or worse…someone who is socially inept.
The hair stroking we are talking about is the man stroking his own. He is not going to be there petting his own head, but he may lightly brush his fingers through his hair or run his hand down the back of his head. This indicates that he is flustered and unsure of himself around you…a massive sign that he is sexually attracted to you.
When I say exclusion, I don’t mean that he is excluding you. Instead, I mean that he will do his best to exclude both of you from other people. In other words, he will do his best to make sure you two are alone so that you can talk in private. One of the surest signs of sexual attraction is a guy who is keen to get you alone so that he can have you all to himself.
You’re pretty sure he’s attracted to you, but does he like you? Don’t waste any more time! Here are 16 must-know signs he likes you (and 4 indicators he’s not into you).
Still confused? He might be shy. Discover the 4 signs that a shy guy is into you! Sometimes you need to bite the bullet and talk to a guy you like because he’s just too shy.
Now You Know…But How Do You Respond?
If you pick up on two or three of these signs with a guy, how do you respond?
That can be tricky…The first thing you have to consider is whether or not you are attracted to him in the same way. It can be very flattering to be the object of someone’s desire, but if you don’t return it – it can just cause problems.
Your best bet, if you do return the attraction, is to mirror back his behavior and choose a few of these signals that you are sexually attracted, too.
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