If you’re finding yourself wondering whether or not a guy wants a relationship or just wants sex, you’re not alone.
It’s especially tough in the beginning, as you are just getting to know each other. There are many different potential signs that all he wants is sex, which you will learn below. Most importantly…
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The #1 rule to keep in mind when you want to know if a guy only wants sex is:
Rule #1 Look For More Than One Sign
If you’re looking for a relationship and not just a hookup, it’s important to keep an eye out for multiple signs he just wants to get laid, not just one.
There is no single definitive sign that a guy only wants sex. It’s usually a pattern of behavior, consisting of multiple signs from a guy that indicates he only wants sex.
This means that you need to pay attention to behavioral patterns that occur over time, not just what you see once in a while. If you see multiple consistent signs that he only wants sex, look elsewhere if you’re after a relationship.
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Side note: If you only want sex too, then it could be a match made in heaven. Try using these 23 sex tips for women to keep it hot.
2. He Explicitly Tells You That He Just Wants Sex
A clear sign he only wants sex? He flat-out tells you he only wants sex.
If a guy you’re sleeping with decides that he wants more and is interested in a relationship, he’ll usually let you know that he’s starting to develop feelings. If you want more than what he says he’s willing to offer, it can be tempting for your brain to twist what they’ve said into them wanting a relationship.
Related: Signs He Wants a Relationship
If you ask a guy where your relationship is headed, and he tells you he only wants sex, believe him and decide whether you’d like to move forward.
3. He Only Wants To Meet You For Sex
Another sign he only wants sex: he only wants to meet up when he knows sex is a likely possibility. If the guy you’re sleeping with is down to meet you late at night at a bar but isn’t so into getting together for brunch or a movie during daylight hours, it’s highly likely that he only wants sex.
If you guys tend to meet up for other activities and dates (like working out or hanging with friends) and end up sneaking away to have kinky sex, there’s a good chance that he’s interested in more than just hooking up, but your connection is so red-hot that it’s tough to ignore.
4. Surface-Level Conversation
When you’re interested in developing a relationship with a guy, you work to get to know him on a level that’s beyond what you get from sex. If he keeps the conversation talking about sex or at a surface level—asking about your day but not caring to get to know your past, asking about your weekend plans but never asking about what you want for your future—he’s likely only after sex.
If you’re interested in getting to know him beyond hooking up, try asking him some deeper questions and see how he responds. If he asks questions in return (not just sex questions), it’s a good sign that he’s curious about you as more than a sex partner. If he doesn’t, it’s a sign he only wants to sleep with you.
5. Mostly Sexualized/Sexual Conversation
One sign that he only wants to sleep with you is a constant return to sexual conversation (such as sexting and dirty talk), despite your attempts to steer the conversation in another direction. If every time you talk, the guy you’re seeing brings up sex, he’s likely only after one thing and only one thing.
Sexual conversations can be fun (and we have a lot of dirty talk examples you can use on your man), but if it’s all that you have to say to each other, it’s a sign that he’s working to keep your connection carnal only.
6. He Never Brings You Into His Social Circle/Friend Group
An important sign that a guy wants you and doesn’t just want sex is when he introduces you to his family and friends. This might happen slowly, and that’s OK. However, if the guy you’re sleeping with never makes an effort for you to get to know the people close to him, it’s a sign that he wants to keep your relationship on a sex-only level.
When a guy sees you as a part of his future, he’ll want to introduce you to his friends and family so that he can get a better read on how you’d fit into his life. A guy who only wants sex will keep your hangouts private.
If you’re seeing a guy and you’re wondering whether he’s interested in more than sex, ask him about his family and friends and see how he responds. If he tells you that he can’t wait for you to meet them, it’s a good sign that he’s looking for more than a purely hookup-based relationship.
7. He Has No Interest In Your Social Circle/Friends
This one is similar, but a little different from my previous point.
A guy who is only interested in sex won’t be interested in meeting your family or friends.
A guy who wants to get to know you on a relationship level and be a part of your life will usually be excited (and maybe a little nervous) about meeting the people closest to you.
What if you’re in the same social circle? – If you’re already in the same social circle, he might take steps to keep your relationship a secret from your mutual friends. This is a very clear sign that he only wants sex.
8. You Never Hang Out
If you and the guy you’re sleeping with only spend time together having sex, it’s likely that he doesn’t want a relationship. If you grab a drink before you head back to your place, or never have anything more than a quick bite after getting down and dirty, but never hang out just for the sake of spending time together, there’s a good chance that he’s only after sex.
If you’re unsure whether he’s looking for more than a hookup, consider asking him if he wants to grab dinner (without mentioning coming over afterward). It’s okay if hangouts lead to sex (especially intense sex!), but that shouldn’t be the only goal of spending time with each other if you’re interested in a relationship outside of the bedroom.
9. He Only Wants To Meet In The Evenings
Nighttime is traditionally known as the time for sex, and if the guy you’re hooking up with only wants to see you after dark, there’s a good chance he’s not interested in a relationship. On the other hand, a guy who wants to get to know you on an emotional level is likely to want to spend time with you during daylight hours.
Pay attention to when a guy calls or texts you, too. If it’s only at night or for phone sex, he’s probably not thinking about you during the day. Only reaching out to you after dark usually means he’s just looking for a hookup aka a booty call.
Want to see if he’s potentially interested in more? Try leaving him on read one night and not reaching back out until the sun comes up. Watch to see if he responds quickly or if he waits until the next night to reach out.
10. He Usually Leaves After Sex Or Asks You To Leave
All hangouts end at some point, but if the guy you’re seeing is quick to scoot out after you’ve finished hooking up, he’s probably not interested in more than sex. A guy who is considering moving forward with a relationship will want to spend time with you after you’ve hooked up.
If he comes over to your place, take note of how long he hangs out after you’re done having sex. If you’re over at his place, listen to what he says after you’re done hooking up. If he’s quick to mention work that he has to do or other reasons that you need to leave, he probably just wants no-strings sex.
Related: How to Have a One Night Stand
11. Does He Send Those “you up?” Texts?
When a guy is out with his friends and decides that he’s ready to call it a night, he’ll often go through his phone and text for a hookup. If you’re receiving texts after midnight from him trying to come over, there’s a good chance he’s just looking for sex.
If a guy wants a relationship, he’ll probably text you off and on throughout nights out with his friends, not just at the end of the night when he wants to come over. If you’re down for a no-strings attached relationship or friends-with-benefits arrangement, feel free to tell him to come over and have fun.
If you want a deeper connection, you may want to ignore his “you up?” texts until the next day to send a clear message that you’re interested in more than a 2 am hookup.
12. He’s OK With You Seeing Other Guys
Want a test to see whether the guy you’re sleeping with is feeling you on more than a surface level? Let it slip that you’re hanging out with someone else. If he’s cool with it (or if he mentions that he’s hanging out with other girls), it’s a solid sign that he’s only interested in sex.
Jealous much? – If he responds with jealousy, there are usually feelings involved beyond sleeping together. If he tells you that he’s not comfortable with you seeing other guys, it’s time to have a chat about whether it’s time to have an exclusive relationship. Tips on making a guy jealous.
It can take some time for a guy to want to become exclusive. If it’s early in your relationship and you haven’t talked about being exclusive yet, don’t worry—save the conversation for down the line once feelings have started to develop.
Tips & Advice: The truth and rules about open relationships.
13. He Leaves You On Read A Lot
A guy who is interested in more than sex will enjoy talking to you and isn’t likely to let your texts go without a response (at least not very often). If you find that you’re always double-texting, you’re the one who reaches out to start the conversation, or he often lets conversations trail off, he’s probably only interested in sex.
If you notice that a guy is leaving you on read quite often, it’s possible that he doesn’t want a relationship. Try leaving him on read once in a while. This may draw him in, reminding him that he needs to put in work to keep your interest.
Psst, this post can help if you don’t know if you should text him.
14. He Often Cancels Plans
A guy who is only interested in sex isn’t going to make plans with you a priority. When a guy is interested in a relationship, he’ll move you toward the top of his priority list.
Pay attention to how often the guy you’re seeing cancels plans. If it’s a regular thing, it’s likely that he only sees you as a hookup. Of course, life happens, and everyone has to cancel or change plans from time to time. Remember, you’re looking for patterns, not occasional one-offs.
15. It’s Always On His Schedule
Does the guy you’re sleeping with tend to make time for you, but only when it’s convenient for him? If you find that you’re always bending to his schedule, it’s likely that he’s only interested in sex.
On the other hand, a guy who is interested in more than sex is more likely to make the extra effort to see you, even if it means driving a long distance or missing out on an hour or two of sleep.
To test out whether he’s willing to see you on your schedule, invite him over at a different time than usual and see if he’s willing to accommodate you. If you usually meet up at his place, ask him to come over to yours.
If you normally get together at your place, switch it up and see if he’s down to have you over. His willingness to accommodate what’s convenient for you can be a sign of how serious he is about moving things forward.
16. The Relationship Is Not Moving Foreward…It’s Stuck At “Meet For Sex”
A relationship that goes beyond the bedroom will have distinct phases, including meeting each other’s friends and family, having deep conversations, and talking about potential future plans, all of which are assumed dating rules. If you and the guy you’re sleeping with aren’t moving through these phases, there’s a good chance he’s only interested in sex.
Relationships progress at different speeds, and if you’re stuck just getting together for sex, it’s a good sign that things are getting stagnant. There’s no need to stick around if you’re looking for more than meeting up to have sex. Before you decide that it’s time to move on, you may want to have a conversation with him about whether he’s interested in taking things to the next level.
17. It Can Feel Hot But Doesn’t Feel Intimate
Sexy and intimate can go hand-in-hand, but they aren’t the same thing. Passionate sex is exciting, but intimacy is on another level and involves trust and connection. It takes vulnerability to develop a deep connection with another person. If the sex you’re having is hot but not intimate or connected, it’s likely that your relationship won’t extend beyond the bedroom.
Check out these signs he’s making love, not just having sex to help figure out just how intimate your sex is.
18. It Feels Like A Lonely Relationship
When you’re craving a deeper connection than you’re getting from your partner, it can feel lonely. If you regularly feel like you’re alone in your relationship, it’s possible that the guy you’re hooking up with isn’t capable or interested in giving you the connection that you crave.
If you feel comfortable, talk with your partner and let him know that you’re looking for a deeper connection. He might tell you that he’s been looking for a deeper connection too.
If he tells you that he’s not interested in something more, it’s time to think about whether you will be satisfied in your relationship.
19. You Sense It. You Get The Feeling That It’s Just Sex
You know when you’re feeling an emotional connection with someone, and despite your best efforts, you’re not feeling it with the guy you’re hooking up with right now? Sometimes, you instinctively know when he just wants sex.
Don’t waste too much time trying to convince yourself otherwise. If you feel in your gut that there isn’t a connection, decide how you’d like to proceed. If you’re feeling fulfilled from the physical aspect of the relationship and you want it to continue, go for it. If you’re more interested in an emotional connection that your partner can’t provide, it may be time to move on to someone who can.
20. When You Meet Him, He Wants To Get Straight To Sex
The moment you see the guy you’re hooking up with, pay attention to what he does. If he wants to hear about your day and chat about what’s going on with him, there’s a good chance he’s interested in more than sex.
If he jumps straight to trying to get you into the bedroom or giving him a blow job, it’s more likely that he’s just after sex.
21. You Met On An App Or In A Situation That Screams “Hook Up!”
If you met the guy you’re having sex with on a dating app or in a bar, there’s a decent chance that he just wants sex (unless he specifies otherwise).
Just because you met on a dating app or through another way traditionally associated with casual sex, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t relationship potential, but…
It’s important to be clear about what you’re both looking for from the start.
22. He Gets Awkward Or Changes The Topic When You Bring Up A Relationship
Maybe you’ve tried to chat with the guy you’re sleeping with about where your relationship is headed…
And he gets weird.
If he changes the subject, tells you he doesn’t like labels or says that you’re just hanging out, he’s giving you yet another sign he only wants sex.
23. You Feel Afraid Of Asking Him, “What Are We?” In Case He Tells You That It’s “Just Sex”
Do you feel anxious to talk with the guy you’re hooking up with about what’s happening between the two of you?
You probably already know the answer before you ask the question out loud.
If you’re afraid to ask him whether you’re just hooking up because you’re afraid you won’t like his answer (one of the pitfalls of casual sex), there’s a good chance you already know what he’s going to say.
If you’re looking for more than a hookup, let him know that you want a deeper connection, and if he doesn’t want a relationship, move on.
The Bottom Line: Know What You Want
If you know that you want more than your hookup can offer, it’s OK to move on.
You don’t need to stick with a situation that isn’t giving you the fulfillment that you need. If you’re happy with staying purely physical, by all means, continue and enjoy your slutty side, but…
If you want something more, don’t be afraid to cut any guy who doesn’t want a relationship loose and search for the relationship you want.
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