19 Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually (& 7 Solutions)

Below are 19 obvious and hidden signs that your husband, boyfriend, or partner doesn’t want you sexually. I’ll also teach you 7 things you can do to fix it so he wants you sexually again.

There are many possible signs that a guy isn’t into you sexually. Maybe he never initiates physical contact, maybe you’re worried that his attraction is fading, or maybe he says it directly, “I love you, but I’m not sexually attracted to you.”

Important: Try not to freak out when you notice only one of the signs he’s not sexually into you. You want to avoid reading too much into a single sign, especially if there are no other signs.

However…

If you notice multiple signs he doesn’t want you sexually, then it’s more likely to be true :/

Also…

Consider how well you know this guy: If you consistently had amazing sex with this man for 10 years, but suddenly it stopped, then it’s clear that he doesn’t want you sexually.

But…

If a first date didn’t end with sex, it’s a bit harder to tell whether he wants you sexually or not. He could just be shy or afraid to seem too forward.

At the end of the day, you can only truly know if you’re willing to ask–and if he’s willing to be honest.

But here are 19 signs you should look for if you want to know if he wants you sexually. Read on to learn how to tell if your partner is not sexually attracted to you.

1. He Tells You He Doesn’t Want Sex

This is the clearest and most direct sign.

Keep in mind that…

Not every man wants sex all the time. It’s perfectly ok for him not to want it from time to time.

However,

If he consistently tells you that he doesn’t want to have sex, there might be cause for concern.

Related: How to make a man horny – 7 techniques.

2. He Doesn’t Touch You

Touch is one of those intimate things that allows you to communicate without words. In a relationship, touch may indicate emotional as well as physical and sexual intimacy.

Imagine the message you send to a partner with a hug and kiss when you get home from work, or a light touch as you pass each other by.

It’s intimate!

Or when you’re in bed together and he spoons you.

It’s intimate too!

More touching = more intimacy = a sign that he is sexually attracted to you.

No touching or a sudden lack of touching is a sign that he’s not sexually attracted to you.

3. He Stops Initiating

Never initiating sex is a big sign that he doesn’t want you sexually.

It could mean he is not interested in sex anymore, or worse.. He might be checking out of the entire relationship.

There are some exceptions…

• If you constantly reject his attempts at intimacy/sex, then he may give up and stop initiating.
• If he suddenly has a heavy workload, he may be too exhausted to initiate sex.

Solution: 9 ways to initiate sex, drive him wild, and take control of your sex life.

4. He Rejects Your Advances

Rejecting your advances is a crystal clear sign he’s not interested in you sexually.

However…

(and this may blow your mind)

Some guys are clueless.

They don’t even realize that you are coming on to them. These guys reject you only because they don’t recognize that you were making advances on him.

5. His Body Language Indicates He’s Not Interested

Body language speaks volumes without a word ever being uttered.

Signs he doesn’t want you sexually can include:

• Keeping plenty of space between you, including moving away if you sit or stand close to him
• Inviting others to sit or stand between you
• Facing away from you
• Crossing his arms and/or legs
• Not getting into situations where you’ll be alone together
• Leaving a room when you enter
• Pushing you away
• Making an unhappy or disgusted face if you touch him or something he has to touch
• Avoiding eye contact
• Not smiling, giving half-hearted smiles

There are nuances. You need to read his body language in context with other indications that he doesn’t want sex with you.

For example:

Folding his arms in front of you doesn’t mean he never wants sex again.

6. There’s No Sexy Eye Contact

Usually, when someone wants to have sex with you, you’ll notice some sexy eye contact. This common sign of sexual attraction might come from across the room at a party or be closer if you’re standing next to your partner. You might even try to make sexy eye contact happen if you’re interested.

Not returning sexy eye contact is a strong sign he doesn’t want you sexually, assuming he’s into women, has noticed your signal, and doesn’t struggle with eye contact.

7. He Doesn’t Check You Out

We’ve all seen an actor give “elevator eyes” to their love interest on the big screen. It’s so natural to check someone out if you find them hot or sexy, that we sometimes don’t even realize we’re doing it! Some people are especially bad at hiding it.

So not checking you out could be a sign that he doesn’t find you sexually attractive.

On the other hand, if someone’s really stealthy, you might not notice even if they are checking you out. A friend might be able to help by acting as a second set of eyes when you’re not able to see.

8. You Feel Like Roommates

If your concern is that your boyfriend or husband doesn’t touch you or want you sexually anymore, you might be feeling more like roommates than lovers. This is a common complaint you see in online forums, where people discuss their lack of sex.

All sorts of things can get in the way of a healthy sex life. Timing isn’t the only issue, either. You might also find it hard to see the person whose puke you’ve cleaned up as a sexual person.

Therapist Esther Perel talks about this to her clients and in her books, encouraging people to create space for sex with their life partners.

9. He Changes The Subject When Sex Comes Up

A man who changes the subject if sex ever comes up, whether in conversation or on TV, may be trying to avoid having sex with you. It may be time for a tough conversation about why he doesn’t want to have sex with you sexually anymore.

Related: 206 questions to ask your partner and keep it spicy.

10. Excuses That Seem Non-Legitimate

It’s a stereotype that women will reject men with excuses about having a headache or washing their hair, but men can use excuses to avoid sex, too. You can often see right through thin excuses.

But just because you don’t understand why someone isn’t interested in having sex doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate reason. And contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t all men think about, and men aren’t always ready, willing, and able to have sex at the drop of a hat.

11. He Doesn’t Flirt

Flirting is the classic way we gauge others’ interest in us. And flirting can continue long after you get serious with someone, so if your man has stopped flirting, it may mean that something’s up.

Of course, you may just need to brush up on your flirting skills if they’re falling flat, and that’s why you’re not getting flirted with in return.

12. He Doesn’t Notice When You’re Wearing Something Sexy

It feels awful if you put extra energy into your appearance only for your effort to go unnoticed. Whether it’s a sexy outfit or lingerie, a new haircut, or a bold lipstick paired with nothing but sky-high heels, you want to be noticed by the person you’re making an effort for.

Related: 10 Vital Tips For Choosing The Perfect Lingerie

Not noticing is one of the telltale signs he doesn’t want you sexually.

Remember that what men and women consider attractive or sexy can sometimes differ. You might just be missing the mark with your attempts to catch his eye. Learn how to dress sexy for your man.

13. He No Longer Compliments You

This sign your man is not sexually attracted to you goes hand in hand with not noticing what you’re wearing–or not wearing–for him.

Compliments mean you’re noticed and appreciated.

But as a relationship evolves, it’s easy to take someone for granted, even if that’s not right. Your partner shouldn’t assume that you will always be there, especially if he doesn’t appreciate you the way he should.

Not only is it important to speak up about what we appreciate, but it’s also crucial that those compliments are genuine (this applies when complimenting guys, too).

14. He Doesn’t Make Time For You

While a guy may not be interested in dating you or something more serious, many will make time for sex. So it’s not a good sign if he’s not willing to even do that.

He may be stringing you along until someone better catches his eye or waiting for you to call things off. Unfortunately, women will sometimes try to use sex to get a guy’s time and attention because they hope for more, but that usually doesn’t work.

People who really care about you will make time for you, so listen to the message they’re sending.

15. He Sleeps In A Different Bed

Whether you’re just friends, dating, or in a relationship, sleeping in a different bed can be a guy’s way to avoid being sexual. He’s physically cutting you off.

Of course, sleeping in a different bed doesn’t have to be a sign he’s bored sexually. Some couples sleep in different beds because it’s the only way they can get a good night’s sleep. Couples who are truly connected will still make time for sex and intimacy, however.

BS-free guide: How to have great sex.

16. You Have Different Sleep Schedules

Choosing a different sleep schedule is one way to avoid sexual situations, especially if your man is trying to hide what he’s doing.

Working different shifts or medical conditions could be the reason for your different sleep schedules. But if there’s no good reason, you might want to pay attention to this sign that your man isn’t sexually attracted to you.

17. There’s Emotional Distance

If you don’t feel emotionally connected to your partner, he may feel the same way. And it might play out in the bedroom. In fact, many sexual problems have an emotional or relational root to them.

18. He Begrudgingly Has Sex With You

Having to beg, plead, or force a compliment doesn’t feel good for anyone. Your man may have sex just to get you to shut up about it or to try to convince you that everything’s fine. Even if you don’t say anything directly, your man might realize that you’re unhappy and try to have sex to make you happy.

The result is often begrudging sex where one or both of you is just going through the motions without putting your heart into it. This type of sex is often physically and emotionally unsatisfying. It can also lead to resentment from both sides over sex.

19. He Tries To Turn You Off

Usually, men want to turn on women. But if he’s not interested in you sexually, he might do the opposite.

This may look like him not taking care of himself or being crass and gross in front of you. Or he might say and do things that are rude, disrespectful, or hurtful.

Before you panic that he doesn’t want you sexually..

Recognize that relationships naturally have ups and downs, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Factors such as work, kids, stress, health, death, and finances can all affect your relationship, never mind your sex life.

Emotionally mature people will roll with these ups and downs without seeing them as totally catastrophic. If you’re struggling, you can talk to your partner and figure out how important sex is to your relationship.

But if you’re the type of person who absolutely needs external validation, it might be time to work on yourself, perhaps with the help of a professional. It’s not realistic or healthy to place the entire responsibility of making you feel secure and stable on your partner’s shoulders.

And when it comes to people you may be interested in, sexually or otherwise, try not to get caught up in the people who don’t want you. That doesn’t mean there isn’t someone who wants you out there, or that you should change yourself or chase someone who doesn’t care about you.

There are plenty of fish in the pond, as they say.

How to deal with a guy who doesn’t want you sexually

Here are some tips for dealing with a partner or husband who doesn’t want you sexually. This can include a guy who says he loves you but isn’t attracted to you (anymore) or someone you’re trying to sleep with for the first time.

1. Initiate sex

In cases where men are interested in sex but may be too awkward to initiate or want to avoid rejection, all you need to do is initiate to get things back on track. Make sure he feels desired.

Try these: 22 foreplay tips, ideas, techniques & games for intense, wild sex.

2. Talk honestly

Sometimes, it’s best to use your words. At least you’ll find out how he really feels.

To deal with these situations, have an honest conversation without judgment or defensiveness. Try not to take his lack of attraction or sexual receptivity personally.

Get tips for talking about sex.

Instead, explain what you’ve noticed and how it makes you feel. Ask him if he’s noticed how he feels about it, and if he knows why things have changed. Then, you can discuss what you can do as a team.

Of course, if you’re talking about a casual fling, it might not be worth talking to him. It might be smarter to move on to the next person, instead.

3. Schedule sex

When a jam-packed calendar is the issue, you need to prioritize sex. This can even mean scheduling it to make sure it happens. Otherwise, you might find weeks or months have passed without a single session in the sack.

4. Rule out mental or physical issues

If your man says he doesn’t want to have sex tonight, it doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t attracted to you. He might just be tired, sick, or stressed. Medications, medical conditions, including erection difficulties (tips on making your man hard), and aging can also impact the desire to have sex, AKA libido, even if attraction’s still there. If you think those might be an issue, encourage your man to talk to his doctor.

Related: 11 ways to make sex with an older man incredible (techniques & tips).

Your guy might benefit from talking to a mental health professional if he’s dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression. Not only can this help his libido, but it can also improve his overall quality of life.

5. Consider your libido

At the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new, we tend to have a lot of sex. But as things progress, our interest can return to our baseline.

For some people with higher sex drives, it can be frustrating to realize their partners aren’t as interested in sex as they are–or as it seemed.

Related: How to boost your libido (for women).

Some people misunderstand sexual desire, too. Many men can get horny randomly, but others need something sexy to happen (touch, kiss, foreplay, etc). You may need to figure out what exactly he responds to best.

6. Avoid pressure

While it’s understandable if you feel bad because a guy doesn’t want to have sex with you, avoid pressure. Everyone gets to say when or if they say “Yes” to sex. That’s what consent is all about.

Pressure will make him feel worse, and it isn’t what men want sexually.

7. Seek outside help

Finally, you might consider outside help for the two of you as a couple in the form of a couples therapist. A professional can help you get to the bottom of relationship issues that might be invading the bedroom.

If your problems are mostly sexual in nature, a certified sex therapist can be helpful, especially if you find yourself asking, “Is he bored with me sexually?” You might discover ways to spice up your sex life so everyone is happy.

Now you know the signs to look for that he doesn’t want you sexually. Remember, one sign may not mean anything, but many should raise alarm bells. You’ve also got some tips to deal with these situations, depending on your relationship. Good luck!