How Do Lesbians Have Good Sex? Ultimate Guide to Intense Lesbian Sex

Our lesbian sex guide will teach you how to have enjoyable lesbian sex from start to finish. Using the tips inside will ensure everything goes smoothly and sex with your favorite woman never gets boring!

So…How do lesbians actually have sex?!

However you want, duh! But….

You may want to try some of the most popular lesbian sex techniques:

Cunnilingus and manual sex (fingering your partner) are go-to lesbian sexual practices. There are also some orgasmic lesbian sex positions to try, along with using toys and all sorts of humping and grinding. Whatever feels good, goes! Of course, there are a few ground rules before starting…

Consent, Communication, and Safer sex

Before we get to any lesbian sex tips, we need to establish three things that should be the basis of any sexual interaction or relationship:

• Consent
• Communication
• Safer sex

Consent

Consent is necessary for an activity to be considered sex; otherwise, it’s assault. It must be given freely, and can be spoken (verbal) or given in other ways. Consent can be taken away at any time and may only apply to a specific interaction or activity. If you’re unsure, take a moment to affirm that your partner still consents and is enjoying herself!

Go deeper: Sexual consent guide.

Communication

While communication can involve consent, that’s just one aspect. You communicate to tell your partner what you like and don’t like, what you want more or less of, what you’d like to try, or even if you’ve got a leg cramp.

One thing that may be unique to gay women is the question,

“Are you a top or a bottom?”

This question wants to know whether you prefer to be penetrated (the bottom) or do the penetrating (the top). Of course, plenty of people enjoy both, and many lesbian couples don’t do any sort of penetration, so it may not apply. But it can be a confusing question if you’re not familiar with the lingo.

There may be some differences in how gay women communicate with each other versus men and women, but the advice in our guide to sexual communication can be adapted for most situations.

Safer Sex

Finally, we’ve got safer sex, which includes everything necessary to prevent unwanted consequences of sex. Often, this means preventing pregnancy, which may be a concern if you or your partner is a trans woman. If that’s the case, using condoms can prevent pregnancy and STIs.

Lesbians can get STIs too – Some people mistakenly believe STIs aren’t a concern when women have sex with each other. But STIs, especially those spread through skin contact, are the major concern during sex. You might use dental dams or Laurels during oral sex (and analingus) to prevent transmission. In a pinch, you can even cut the tip off a condom and cut down the length to create a barrier for safer sex.

HPV – Getting the HPV vaccine is also one way to protect yourself from HPV that’s easily spread through skin contact.

Get tested – You should also get tested regularly, even if you’re monogamous. Some STIs take a while to show up or can be asymptomatic, so you could accidentally spread something without realizing it.

Keeping your nails short and smooth or wearing gloves so you don’t scratch your partner, which can create an entry point for an STI or other bacteria, is also a good idea.

Explore Your Body

You might be surprised to learn that one of the first tips for lesbian sex is to explore your own body. Yes, we’re talking about masturbation!

Related: How To Masturbate (For Women): 7 Step Orgasmic Guide

Getting to know your body teaches you what you like, so you can show or tell a partner how to touch you to turn you on, make you feel good, and have an orgasm.

As a woman, much of what you like will apply to other women. Of course, no two people are identical, but it provides a starting point, including how to find someone’s clitoris.

Plus, you can always try out mutual masturbation, which can be really hot!

More: 14 masturbation techniques for more pleasure.

Discover Your Turn-ons

The next lesbian sex tip applies regardless of orientation or gender: learn what turns you and your partner on. Turn-ons can be surprising and diverse, from how something feels when you touch, smell, or taste it to hearing your partner’s voice or breath in your ear to watching your partner get undressed to touching yourself.

Sharing your turn-ons can be a way to bring you closer and get aroused before you put some of these lesbian sex techniques into action. Your partner may share some of the same turn-ons, or she may get aroused by other things.

Discover how to turn on a woman and use these tips to make her horny.

Schedule Sex

Many women have responsive desire, which means they don’t tend to naturally get horny. Instead, their sex drives respond to something, whether it’s touch or something else. If both you and your partner have responsive desire, you may need to get proactive about initiating and even scheduling sex if you want to make sure it’s part of your life.

Of course, this isn’t always an issue. Sometimes you just can’t keep your hands off each other!

Foreplay

The line between foreplay and other lesbian sex acts is very fine. You can start with passionate kissing, move on to an erotic massage, and stimulate your partner’s erogenous zones to get her in the mood. Some people also enjoy a warm shower or bath together, and applying lotion to each other’s bodies can help turn you on.

You can add more direct genital stimulation–or not. It’s all up to what you and your partner want!

Go deeper: 22 foreplay tips, ideas, techniques & games for intense, wild sex.

Breasts and Nipple Play

Breasts and nipple play can take center stage in lesbian sex, if only because there’s ample supply! It’s a no-brainer when it comes to lesbian sex techniques.

You’ve also got plenty of options when it comes to breast play. You can include the whole breast and focus on the nipples, and opt to give pleasure or pain–or even a little of both! You might be especially lucky and find that one or both of you can orgasm from breast and nipple stimulation!

Your hands and mouth are obvious for breast stimulation. You can lick, suck, nibble, and bite to your heart’s content. Aside from carressing, groping, pinching, twisting, and flicking, you might consider breast bondage.

Check out the Bad Girls Bible guide to nipple play with more ideas!

Lube

As always, we recommend lube if it’s necessary—and even if it’s not. Lube lets you have sex with less pain and more comfort for longer. It also reduces micro-tears that can make it easier to contract an STI or bacterial infection.

Keeping things slippery means you can go for longer, and sometimes sapphic love making can go for hours! Plus, a good silicone lube can double as massage oil.

Clitoral stimulation

Stimulating your clitoris will make orgasm easier. Many women intuitively know this and it’s probably why, “[l]esbian women had a significantly higher probability of orgasm than did either heterosexual or bisexual women” [1]. That’s right, lesbians are out there having more orgasms than straight women during sex [2, 3]! They also orgasm more often than bisexual women [2].

You can easily stimulate your partner’s clitoris with your mouth (85 tips for going down on a girl) or fingers, but you’ll find plenty of other lesbian sex ideas if you keep reading.

Related: How to finger yourself to orgasm.

Scissoring, which may be way less common when lesbians have sex than porn would have you believe, is one way to get clitoral stimulation. This is technically known as tribbing.

69

Almost everyone likes receiving oral sex, so it’s no surprise that when many lesbians have sex, they often do it in the 69 position. You can stick to the classic top-and-bottom style or lie on your sides with your heads resting on each other’s thighs if that’s easier.

Face Sitting

While many people consider oral sex to be pretty basic, face sitting is a more adventurous lesbian sex technique. It’s often more intense and goes hand in hand with power exchange.

G Spot Stimulation & Squirting

The clitoris isn’t the only sensitive spot on a woman’s body. Another way to feel amazing and have orgasms is by stimulating your G Spot.

For many women, the G Spot is key to orgasms and squirting or ejaculation. Several toys are designed specifically to find and stimulate it. Of course, you can always use your fingers too!

You can learn how to find your G Spot or check out these positions for G Spot stimulation during sex. Many positions designed with a penis in mind easily adapt to fingers or even a sex toy!

Humping

Whether it’s scissoring or ass humping, we definitely recommend trying out grinding on your partner and humping. Feeling that friction against your clitoris can be amazing and it’s why so many start masturbating by grinding on their pillow!

Asses and thighs are especially popular for humping, but you’re not limited to them. Basically, pick a part of your partner’s body and see if it feels good to grind your body against it!

You may be fully clothed, partially nude, or buck naked. It’s all up to you (though wearing clothing can reduce the risk of transmitting an STI).

Get the skinny on dry humping.

Edging

Edging is another fun activity that doesn’t require a partner but can be even better when you have one! Edging is all about bringing yourself–or your partner–to the edge of orgasm but backing off before you can cum. Repeating this process can lead to intense orgasms.

If you’re especially devious, you might enjoy tying your partner up in bondage and using a vibrator on them to edge them while they struggle against their bonds.

Heads up, however! If you’re not that familiar with your body, you might not be able to stop before you orgasm. Or if you find it hard to get off, edging might be more frustrating than fun.

Side note: 17 fun bondage positions to try with your partner.

Anal Play

Anal play can be a lot of fun, whether combined with other activities or on its own. It can include everything from massaging and biting the cheeks to anal fingering to rim jobs to penetrative sex toys. Make sure anything you insert anally has a flared base unless you want an expensive and embarrassing trip to the emergency room!

Related: How to eat ass like a pro.

You can even use toys like anal beads to experience double penetration with a gay girl.

Sex Toys

If you want to know how to spice up lesbian sex, look no further than a good sex toy! Not only can you use them when your fingers or tongue get tired, but some people need sex toys to orgasm. No wonder so many lesbian couples have a nightstand full of toys!

Whether you want something for G Spot or clitoral stimulation, there are plenty of options available. Talk to your partner to figure out what she likes–and doesn’t.

Make sure your partner’s okay with you using toys you’ve used with anyone else. Otherwise, you can get news ones just for the two of you. Shopping for sex toys that you’ll use together can be fun and serve as foreplay.

Sex toy guides: How to use a dildo and how to use a vibrator.

Strap-ons

Strap-ons are an especially common way to have lesbian sex because they let you have penetrative sex, including in Missionary, which can be incredibly intimate, or Doggy position. A strap-on can also work for anal penetration, AKA pegging.

There are many types of harnesses available. Some have pockets for vibrators specifically for the wear so you can experience extra stimulation and feel good while fucking your partner.

BDSM

Like any type of sex, lesbian sex can involve BDSM, which is an umbrella acronym that stands for:

• Bondage
• Discipline
• Dominance
• Submission
• Sadism
• Masochism (Sadomasochism guide)

BDSM can involve any number of activities from these categories. Some people enjoy just one or two from a single category, such as spanking, while others enjoy a vast array of BDSM activities.

Check out our guide to BDSM or this list of BDSM role play ideas to get inspired.

No matter what you like to do with your partner, it’s important to follow these BDSM rules to keep everyone safe.

Roleplaying

Roleplaying in the bedroom doesn’t have to be kinky. And roles like teacher and student or officer and criminal work well, no matter your gender!

Read More: 42 freaky role play ideas for couples to spice up sex.

Tantra

With its focus on sharing energy, tantric sex is also something women who love women (WLW) can enjoy in the bedroom. It’s about way more than just some exotic sex positions, too!

Kinks and Fetishes

Some people have a specific kink or fetish they like to explore, and these can be super hot lesbian sex acts. For example, there’s fisting, which many people find to be super intimate. Or you can try exploring your foot fetish by giving your partner a foot job if that’s your thing.

239 more kinks & fetishes: There are so many different fetishes and kinks to try!

Dirty Talking and Texting

Dirty talking can spice up just about any bedroom! You can talk dirty during sex to make it even hotter or talk dirty beforehand–even hours or days before–to build sexual tension.

Dirty talk can take many forms, including what you want to do to your partner or have her do to you and memories of what you’ve done, among others.

Check out our Dirty Talking Guide to get inspired!

And if you wanna take it digital, learn how to take a sexy selfie and follow these sexting tips.

Rough sex

Biting, hair pulling, pinching and slapping during sex, or otherwise rough sex can be a ton of fun for a gay woman! Just make sure you’ve got consent and prioritize safety. You might even use a safe word just in case.

Different locations

Having sex in a different location can make things more exciting, even if you’re doing the same activities. You can have sex in a car or sex outside, for example. Your next vacation or camping trip could provide the perfect opportunity to have sex outside of the bedroom. You can also consider sex in different rooms.

Related: The 48 best places to have sex.

Group Sex and Threesomes

Group sex and especially threesomes can be fun when everyone involved is a woman (don’t forget some toys!). And if either of you happens to be bisexual or pansexual, you could also invite a man or two into your bedroom for variety. It’s the spice of life, after all!

Threesomes can be tricky, so it might be a good idea to check out our guide on how to have a threesome. Alternatively, you might be interested in the swinging lifestyle.

Mirror sex

Having sex in front of a mirror can be a huge turn-on. It’s almost like having your own personal porno that you get direct–and starring someone you can’t keep your hands off of!

Get tips for mirror sex.

Misconceptions About How Lesbians Have sex

Before ending, let’s talk about misconceptions many people have about lesbian sex–and there are plenty of them!

Lesbian sex isn’t “real” sex – The first is that lesbian sex isn’t real sex because it doesn’t involve intercourse and may not include any penetration at all. That myth comes from a culture that prizes what a penis likes and can do above all else, including connection and a partner’s pleasure. Some people just can’t fathom how two women have sex!

But lesbian sex is real sex, much like how sex between a man and a woman without penetration is real sex. This also means that you don’t need to have sex with someone of the opposite gender to lose your virginity.

The next misconception is also one that comes from our obsession with penises!

Sex should end with ejaculation – Some people just can’t understand when lesbian sex is over if there’s no semen to indicate so. But that’s not a helpful guideline for intercourse because it often leaves one partner unprepared.

It’s true there’s not always an obvious stopping point, especially if one or both of you can have multiple orgasms. Women just tend to have more sexual stamina, and it’s possible that making love can go on for hours! No wonder some people just can’t imagine what lesbian sex is like.

But sex can stop whenever you want, including:

• Before anyone orgasms or after multiple
• When you’re exhausted, tired, sore, or overstimulated
• After a set period of time
• If you get hungry or thirsty
• When other things demand your time

In between, you might pause, cuddle, nap, or grab a snack before getting back down to it. That’s one of the awesome parts of not having the same refractory period as a man.

Ultimately, you can and should communicate with your partner, whether verbally or otherwise.

Of course, you can always tap out and let your partner know she’s “won” or that you surrender to have a little fun with it.

Scissor sisters – Finally, a huge misconception about how lesbian sex works is that lesbians are always scissoring. Maybe some people just can’t get over the idea of touching their partner’s genitals.

While this is a fun lesbian sex idea that many people are eager to try, a lot of women find that it just doesn’t work all that well in practice! They find that other lesbian sex positions feel better or stick to other techniques, tips and ideas in this guide.

What Not to Do During Lesbian Sex

There are plenty of things lesbians do in bed that you can try, too. But we also have some advice for what not to do when in bed with a woman.

Don’t make her do all the work while you get all the pleasure. This is known as being a pillow princess and is generally a bad thing unless your partner specifically wants to focus on you or doesn’t want you to touch them. Generally, good sex is more equitable than that!

Don’t assume all women are the same. We’ve all got different bodies and have had different sexual experiences, leading to different tastes. Your partner might like things you don’t, and may also be quite different from other partners you’ve had in the past. Be flexible and respect their individuality.

Don’t compare female partners to men. Chances are, you’ll notice similarities between your partners regardless of gender. But there will be plenty of differences. Unless you realize that having sex with women really isn’t your cup of tea, it’s more a case of the way lesbians have sex being different versus better.

By now, you hopefully understand that there’s no single type of lesbian sex–and that’s a good thing! Lesbians have sex in many ways and positions, just like everyone else.

Did we miss any lesbian sex tips? Feel free to let us know in the comments.