Want to know a simple way to turn on your man and start having kinkier sex? Take the reins and initiate sex. Of course, there’s no right way to initiate sex. But we’ve got a couple of ideas that are sure to help you hit a home run make it a lot more likely.
Why You Should Initiate Sex
Think of your past sexual encounters, whether they were one-night stands or sex within a romantic relationship. Who initiated those encounters? Whose hand groped first, whose body pressed against the other’s without prompting or, in the modern age, who sent the first sexy text message? It’s likely that your experiences involve the man making the first move more often than not.
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In sex and relationships, men are still expected to make the first move, even in a modern, egalitarian society.
This is a lot of pressure on men. They have to initiate sex and ask for first dates. This means they have to deal with rejection when women say “No” or even just “Not tonight.”
It also leads to routine. You probably know exactly how your partner is going to ask for sex if you’ve had sex a few times already. That can make you feel uninspired.
But initiating sex yourself takes the pressure off your partner, and it can change up your routine. If you get the ball rolling, the encounter might be different. You can even make a point of directing the way it goes, which can be exciting and pleasurable!
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Finally, initiating sex shows your man that you want him, that he’s desirable. Men don’t feel this way as often as women do, even though everyone feels good when they know how much they’re wanted. Instead of focusing on how he can make you feel, consider how good you can make him feel.
If you’re not in the habit of initiating sex, your partner will probably be glad for the break when you start things off. Things might become a little more balanced between the two of you.
But if initiating sex is something that’s new to you, you might feel a little anxious about it or even wonder how to initiate sex.
Side note: If you are feeling nervous about riding your man, this guide on how to ride your man with confidence should help.
When You’re Nervous About Initiating Sex
It’s normal to be a little nervous before sex (find out how to deal with anxiety about sex), but you shouldn’t worry about initiating sex, especially if it’s with a long-term partner. Consider why you might be nervous.
- You’re worried about rejection: There’s always the chance that your partner won’t want sex. After all, he’s human, and humans don’t always want sex. Feeling sick or exhausted can lead to rejection. But remember, it’s not a rejection about you personally or even sex with you. He’s just not into the idea right now. You can try again later. Chances are, you’ll hear “Yes” more than you hear “No.” After all, you’ve probably turned down your partner a time or two, but it was about the moment being wrong. And guys are often less hung up by how they look, feel or smell. Sex is sex!
- You don’t want to look foolish or silly: Sure, asking for sex can feel a little weird at times, but it’s a skill you need to work on – just like flirting with a guy. Initiating sex doesn’t need to be a huge deal or even all that sexy! Plus, you don’t necessarily have to do it in person. A phone call, note or dirty text message can help you save face until you’re brave enough to initiate sex face-to-face.
Truthfully, the more times you initiate sex, the less anxious you’ll feel. And the easier it will be for the occasional “rejection.” So the best way to get over these feelings is to practice, practice, practice!
How To Initiate Sex
There’s no one way to get sexy times goin’. So we’ve provided a few suggestions, or you can come up with one on your own.
1. Be Direct
The direct route is often the best route because guys can be a bit oblivious to your hints. You might realize this if you’ve hinted at wanting sex before and your partner didn’t pick up on it.
Tell him that you want sex or ask him if he’d like to have sex. Watch as your guy’s face lights up at the idea! If you slip it into a casual conversation as you’re on the way home for dinner, the element of surprise can make the sex even hotter!
2. Use Body Language
Or, you can go the nonverbal route. When you’re cuddling with your guy, amp things up by going for his zipper, groping him over his pants or grinding your hips against his. Consider grabbing his hands and moving them to some place on your body – your breasts or crotch – that sends an undeniable message and can make for great foreplay.
3. Send A Steamy Text
If you haven’t worked yourself up to initiating sex in person, then sending a flirty text is the way to go. You might send a sultry picture (how to take a very sexy selfie) or simply let your guy know how much you miss him. Perhaps you talk about a particularly satisfying encounter in the past.
Whatever you say, you’ll let your partner know that you’re thinking about sex.. and get him thinking about it, too! When he steps through that door, or you come home after work, your clothes will practically fall off!
Related: How to flirt with a guy over text
4. Dress The Part
Is there something sexy that your partner wishes you’d wear more, but you feel a little self-conscious about? Perhaps there’s a piece you could add to your closet and surprise your man with (learn how to pick the perfect lingerie)? Leave the shopping bag where he can find it or even have it wrapped up with a note that lets him know you plan to wear it later.
If you step out wearing something sexy, you’re bound to give the right signal, and your partner is likely to stop what he’s doing and pay attention to you!
Bonus points if you wear something sexy and put on a sexy show. What guy doesn’t love a lap dance?
Learn: How to give a good lap dance
5. Press Yourself Against Him
You know how you can sometimes feel your guy’s boner pressed against you when you’re cuddling? His body obviously wants to have sex, and you should take advantage of this if you do, too! So grind your booty against his erection and move his hands to your breasts, and you’ll soon get what you want.
Related: How to make your man hard
6. Take Control
If sex is what you want, you can take control of the situation by straddling his lap when he’s watching TV or playing video games. You can switch things up by getting on top of him when you’re cuddling, pinning his arms above his head and kissing him passionately.
Read More: How To Kiss With Intense Passion
The aspiring domme in you can even tell him to strip as soon as he gets home.
Interesting in being more dominant in the bedroom? Then you’ve got to read this post about dominating your man.
7. Foreplay First
While guys think with more than just their dicks, they’re usually pretty receptive to stimulation. So if you unzip his pants and start going down on him (tips for giving great head), it’s likely to lead to some hot sex.
8. Join Him In The Shower
Take something ordinary and ramp up the sexy factor. The shower is a great way. You can step in with him when he’s in the middle of his morning ritual and suds him up for a dirty time while getting clean. Or you can drop your clothes and invite him to join you in the shower on your way to the bathroom!
Learn: How to have wild shower sex
9. Let Him Discover You Masturbating
It’s super hot to see your partner pleasuring himself, and most men think the same about their partners. So keep the door open and make a little noise when you’re giving you are masturbating. The sight and sounds will likely drive him into a frenzy – and into your arms!
Feel free to get creative when you initiate sex. Recognize that some methods work better than others, and that timing is important, too. You won’t always wind up rolling in the sac, but sometimes your efforts will lead to a big payout.
As you’re enjoying sex, make sure to keep up your active role. Touch your partner and yourself. Get on top. Let him know that you’re in the moment with him!
Related: How to deeply enjoy sex
You don’t always have to be the one who initiates sex in your relationship, but knowing how to initiate sex can help to invigorate your sex life. And if your guy isn’t down, you’re always free to get the job done yourself!
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