Want to know a simple way to turn on your man and start having kinkier sex? Take the reins and initiate sex. Of course, there’s no right way to initiate sex. But we’ve got a couple of ideas that are sure to help you hit a home run make it a lot more likely.
Why You Should Initiate Sex
Think of your past sexual encounters, whether they were one-night stands or sex within a romantic relationship. Who initiated those encounters? Whose hand groped first, whose body pressed against the other’s without prompting or, in the modern age, who sent the first sexy text message? It’s likely that your experiences involve the man making the first move more often than not.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
In sex and relationships, men are still expected to make the first move, even in a modern, egalitarian society.
This is a lot of pressure on men. They have to initiate sex and ask for first dates. This means they have to deal with rejection when women say “No” or even just “Not tonight.”
It also leads to routine. You probably know exactly how your partner is going to ask for sex if you’ve had sex a few times already. That can make you feel uninspired.
Related: 7 Sizzling Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life
But initiating sex yourself takes the pressure off your partner, and it can change up your routine. If you get the ball rolling, the encounter might be different. You can even make a point of directing the way it goes, which can be exciting and pleasurable!
Finally, initiating sex shows your man that you want him, that he’s desirable. Men don’t feel this way as often as women do, even though everyone feels good when they know how much they’re wanted. Instead of focusing on how he can make you feel, consider how good you can make him feel.
Read: Focusing on how good you can make him feel can surprisingly also help make you feel sexy.
If you’re not in the habit of initiating sex, your partner will probably be glad for the break when you start things off. Things might become a little more balanced between the two of you.
But if initiating sex is something that’s new to you, you might feel a little anxious about it or even wonder how to initiate sex.
Side note: If you are feeling nervous about riding your man, this guide on how to ride your man with confidence should help.
When You’re Nervous About Initiating Sex
It’s normal to be a little nervous before sex (find out how to deal with anxiety about sex), but you shouldn’t worry about initiating sex, especially if it’s with a long-term partner. Consider why you might be nervous.
- You’re worried about rejection: There’s always the chance that your partner won’t want sex. After all, he’s human, and humans don’t always want sex. Feeling sick or exhausted can lead to rejection. But remember, it’s not a rejection about you personally or even sex with you. He’s just not into the idea right now. You can try again later. Chances are, you’ll hear “Yes” more than you hear “No.” After all, you’ve probably turned down your partner a time or two, but it was about the moment being wrong. And guys are often less hung up by how they look, feel or smell. Sex is sex!
- You don’t want to look foolish or silly: Sure, asking for sex can feel a little weird at times, but it’s a skill you need to work on – just like flirting with a guy. Initiating sex doesn’t need to be a huge deal or even all that sexy! Plus, you don’t necessarily have to do it in person. A phone call, note or dirty text message can help you save face until you’re brave enough to initiate sex face-to-face.
Truthfully, the more times you initiate sex, the less anxious you’ll feel. And the easier it will be for the occasional “rejection.” So the best way to get over these feelings is to practice, practice, practice!
How To Initiate Sex
There’s no one way to get sexy times goin’. So we’ve provided a few suggestions, or you can come up with one on your own.
1. Be Direct
The direct route is often the best route because guys can be a bit oblivious to your hints. You might realize this if you’ve hinted at wanting sex before and your partner didn’t pick up on it.
Tell him that you want sex or ask him if he’d like to have sex. Watch as your guy’s face lights up at the idea! If you slip it into a casual conversation as you’re on the way home for dinner, the element of surprise can make the sex even hotter!
2. Use Body Language
Or, you can go the nonverbal route. When you’re cuddling with your guy, amp things up by going for his zipper, groping him over his pants or grinding your hips against his. Consider grabbing his hands and moving them to some place on your body – your breasts or crotch – that sends an undeniable message and can make for great foreplay.
Alternatively, come up behind him, wrap your arms around him, cuddle him and kiss him. You can whisper something sensual if you want and see where it goes.
3. Send A Steamy Text
If you haven’t worked yourself up to initiating sex in person, then sending a flirty text is the way to go. You might send a sultry picture (how to take a very sexy selfie) or simply let your guy know how much you miss him. Perhaps you talk about a particularly satisfying encounter in the past.
Whatever you say, you’ll let your partner know that you’re thinking about sex.. and get him thinking about it, too! When he steps through that door, or you come home after work, your clothes will practically fall off!
Related: How to flirt with a guy over text
4. Dress The Part
Is there something sexy that your partner wishes you’d wear more, but you feel a little self-conscious about? Perhaps there’s a piece you could add to your closet and surprise your man with (learn how to pick the perfect lingerie)? Leave the shopping bag where he can find it or even have it wrapped up with a note that lets him know you plan to wear it later.
If you step out wearing something sexy, you’re bound to give the right signal, and your partner is likely to stop what he’s doing and pay attention to you!
Bonus points if you wear something sexy and put on a sexy show. What guy doesn’t love a lap dance?
Learn: How to give a good lap dance
5. Press Yourself Against Him
You know how you can sometimes feel your guy’s boner pressed against you when you’re in certain cuddling positions? His body obviously wants to have sex, and you should take advantage of this if you do, too! So grind your booty against his erection and move his hands to your breasts, and you’ll soon get what you want.
Related: How to make your man hard
6. Take Control
If sex is what you want, you can take control of the situation by straddling his lap when he’s watching TV or playing video games. You can switch things up by getting on top of him when you’re cuddling, pinning his arms above his head and kissing him passionately.
Read More: How To Kiss With Intense Passion
The aspiring domme in you can even tell him to strip as soon as he gets home.
Interesting in being more dominant in the bedroom? Then you’ve got to read this post about dominating your man.
7. Foreplay First
While guys think with more than just their dicks, they’re usually pretty receptive to stimulation. So if you unzip his pants and start going down on him (tips for giving great head), it’s likely to lead to some hot sex.
8. Join Him In The Shower
Take something ordinary and ramp up the sexy factor. The shower is a great way, especially when you use one of these satisfying shower sex positions. You can step in with him when he’s in the middle of his morning ritual and suds him up for a dirty time while getting clean. Or you can drop your clothes and invite him to join you in the shower on your way to the bathroom!
Learn: How to have wild shower sex
9. Let Him Discover You Masturbating
It’s super hot to see your partner pleasuring himself, and most men think the same about their partners. So keep the door open and make a little noise when you’re giving you are masturbating. The sight and sounds will likely drive him into a frenzy – and into your arms!
“Letting” him catch you watching porn, reading erotica (try these true sex stories) or even browsing Bad Girls Bible is a great way to let him know that you want sex without being quite so bold.
Learn: 14 masturbation techniques for intense orgasms
Feel free to get creative when you initiate sex. Recognize that some methods work better than others, and that timing is important, too. You won’t always wind up rolling in the sac, but sometimes your efforts will lead to a big payout.
As you’re enjoying sex, make sure to keep up your active role. Touch your partner and yourself. Get on top. Let him know that you’re in the moment with him!
Related: How to deeply enjoy sex
You don’t always have to be the one who initiates sex in your relationship, but knowing how to initiate sex can help to invigorate your sex life. And if your guy isn’t down, you’re always free to get the job done yourself!
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Tory says
My husband is 56 we have a great sex life but… for about six months now he has been having a difficult time staying hard during sex unless he’s getting very hard fast stimulation. Most of our sessions end up with us masturbating to get off. We do it together but it can and dies hurt the ego on both of us.
Espen says
I’m only 39 and I have the same problem,if he finds a solution to this I’m all ears
Frankie says
I don’t know if it’s related, but after going plant-based my man (previously would get soft) my husband has only had firm hard-ons. He tastes better too.
Sara says
I second this! After going plant-based I myself, taste better. My bf tastes better too
Nana says
Ginseng tea does magic for both me and my partner.
Natural and not only beneficial for sexual stimulation and getting hard longer, but can actually help with general health problems including better younger skin and stronger healthier hair.
I love herbal medicine and I’ve read many books about ginseng and ginkgo as they are always mentioned together but I prefer ginseng as I experienced better results with it and it’s easier to find in it’s boil-able tea form. Cheers!
Tara says
What is going plant based?
Sean Jameson says
It means having a vegan diet
John says
Hmmm…. 9 more ways to irritate men and drive them away. You “bad girls” really don’t have a clue, do you? Be direct (a woman, yeah right!). Body language will be ignored. Texting is annoying. Dressing like a slut won’t help – no one likes a slut. Don’t press against him – how annoying! You can’t take control if I don’t give it. #7 sounds like a rape move that he would never go for. Stay the hell out of my shower – I need to get somewhere on time! And if you think pleasuring yourself will help you want more sex from your husband, your brain is installed backwards.
Once again, complete fail of an article.
Sean Jameson says
Bummer 🙁 sorry you didn’t like it. If you have a better way to initiate sex, please share in the comments
Darcy says
I’ll take “Things an incel would say” for 500 please, Alex.
Nana says
Well these are the negative parts or reactions that can happen if your husband is seriously not in the mood. Yet a loving husband won’t resort to an extremely negative reaction. Plus, you’re right about some things can get to an annoying level and that’s why we humans do have brains and know that if our partner is doing something super important or not in the mood as in, just came out of an argument or something, I wouldn’t be suggesting sex for a resolution lol
Yet, I love Sean’s articles and I admit how much my sex life has improved and how much confidence I’m getting thanks to Sean.
Whether it’s anger management issues or depression or serious mood swings, no man would give a no to sex initiation from their wives 24/7, or else get those couple to a family therapist asap
Let’s add the factor that not every thing is for everyone and that’s why it’s our task and responsibility to make it fit within our own lives because we know our partners best.
Hence, kindly don’t post around hateful comments and provide criticisms, opinions, and feedbacks within the acceptable respectful limits as this is a loving community with helpful manners not the other way round.
Cheers!
Brent says
To john. Are you fucking kidding? You dont even like females huh, an on here hatin. Damn.
Adnan says
I am a straight guy in my mid 30s, I think all of the ideas listed here are great. Men are very visual and looking good and watching your weight is a significant way to maintain sexual interest in one another. And all the people struggling with their partner not having a full erection, they should try no fap.. Or once a week.. Maybe they are watching too much pornography, I had that problem.
Elora says
Due to health issue my husband and I now have a sexless marriage (intercourse 10x/yr or less). As wonderful as all those suggestions are, they don’t work on my hubs. Could you do an article on how to simulate the un-stimulateable man? Also, an article on how to cope with a sexless marriage would be most helpful. Thank you.
Sean Jameson says
Check out our guide on how to make a man horny and dealing with a sexless marriage.