For many people, orgasm is an important part of sex and masturbation, while others enjoying mastering the art of ruined orgasm. But, what is a ruined orgasm?
In short, it’s the result of stopping or changing stimulation to prevent a full or satisfying orgasm. Ruined orgasms can play into a variety of sexual activities.
There are two types of ruined orgasms – full and partial. Fully ruining an orgasm prevents someone from coming at all, while a partially ruined orgasm is one that’s weaker than usual. This may mean a shorter orgasm with fewer contractions. In men, ejaculation may not be as powerful.
If the idea of a ruined orgasm doesn’t make much sense to you, then you’re not alone. Many people have had accidentally ruined orgasms, perhaps because batteries in a sex toy died, they were interrupted, or an unwanted thought popped into their head at exactly the wrong time! It’s frustrating whether you’re alone or having vanilla sex with a partner.
However, there are people who are big fans of ruined orgasms and the broader type of play known as orgasm control. In fact, ruined orgasms work well in certain BDSM scenarios. They’re sort of like a middle ground between a forced orgasm and orgasm denial.
Of course, you don’t need to be into BDSM, if you want to try ruined orgasms. Nor do you need a partner. You can try it on your own simply to see if it changes your experience in a way that you like.
How to Ruin an Orgasm
There are generally two approaches when it comes to ruined orgasms.
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Change the Stimulation
First, you can withhold the type or intensity of stimulation that would be required to have an orgasm. So if you’re trying to give a ruined orgasm to your man, you might stop stroking, thrusting, or sucking before he reaches the point of no return to leave him a bit frustrated or with an orgasm that isn’t quite as mindblowing as he expects. Consider switching from a full handjob to just a single finger or focusing on his shaft instead of his head.
Withdraw – Pushing him out of you before he comes is also an effective way of ruining an orgasm. Even if he comes, it won’t feel as good as it would have if he were able to ejaculate while inside you.
Lower stimulation – You can also change up the stimulation to be less intense or different from what he needs to get off. For example, loosening your grip while giving a hand job might do the trick.
Bring him to the edge – The key to ruining his orgasm is letting him become aroused and stimulating and teasing him until he’s almost about to come (get ideas for teasing and denying your man). You don’t want to push him over the edge, but he needs to approach the cliff so that the orgasm is potentially within range but just out of reach. After a while, you might become quite skilled at this and be able to bring your man back from the edge rather than ruining the orgasm!
If you repeat this stop-and-start activity before finally letting him come, you’ll soon understand the power of edging. Learn more about edging.
However, it’s entirely appropriate to simply end play entirely or switch to an activity for your pleasure instead of your partner’s. For example, you might sit on your man’s face until you have your own orgasm! You can then feel free to go back to teasing him or maybe, just maybe, let him finally come.
While both examples show how you can give a ruined orgasm to your partner, they also work to produce a ruined female orgasm. In fact, you might have experience with accidental ruined orgasms if a partner changed up what they were doing right before you were about to come, making it impossible for you to get off. To ruin your own orgasm, you might only need to stop using your hands, partner, or sex toy to pleasure yourself.
Incorporate Pain – The Next Level
A more intense approach for giving someone a ruined orgasm is to add some pain into the mix. This is great if you’re a sadist–and that person happens to a masochist. For instance, you could press your nails into your partner’s chest, thighs, or penis to cause them some pain.
To take it to the next level, you could slap or pinch his genitals or scrape the head of his penis with your teeth.
Pinching his urethra (the hole he comes and urinates from) can be an especially effective way of ruining an orgasm because it prevents him from physically ejaculating as hard as he would otherwise. Covering or otherwise plugging the urethra also works.
Obviously, not everyone will be okay with a ruined orgasm that involves pain, but pain can be an effective way to halt or diminish the pleasure of orgasm.
Are Ruined Orgasms Safe?
Lots of people have experimented with ruined orgasms, so they’re pretty safe. Although a ruined orgasm may result in some sexual dissatisfaction, it’s not dangerous. For men, their bodies can absorb any semen that isn’t released. It’s also possible for them to experience retrograde ejaculation, which happens when the cum moves backward into the bladder instead of out the tip of his penis [1, 2]. Retrograde ejaculation isn’t dangerous, but some men don’t enjoy it (which may not be a problem when you’re experimenting with ruined orgasms, anyway).
However, this brings us to our next point. While some people are particularly into ruined orgasms or pain during sexual activities, not everyone is, and it’s possible to go too far. That’s why it’s smart to pick a safe word before play begins. Although you never have to use a safe word, it’s great to set one up just if you need it.
Discover more about safe words and other rules that keep BDSM safe, sane, and consensual.
Why Are Some People Into Ruined Orgasms?
Now that you know what a ruined orgasm is, you might wonder just what it is that attracts some people to this kink.
Pain – A person who likes pain or surprise might enjoy it when someone ruins their orgasms.
Loss of control – Those people who like giving control over to others might also be into the idea.
Humiliation – Some people find being humiliated sexually arousing, and ruined orgasms can play into that.
Experiencing pain, loss of control, and humiliation are why ruined orgasms seem to be a common theme in femdom, which involves a female dominant and a male submissive.
The power – On the other hand, having the power to ruin someone’s orgasm can feel quite intoxicating, which is why someone with a sadistic streak might like this type of play. Or you might like that this sexual activity forces you to become a bit more creative in how closely you get to know your man’s body and reactions when trying to give him a ruined orgasm. Plus, since sex between men and women is usually billed as something that ends with the man’s orgasm, a ruined orgasm really flips the script!
Domination – If you’re into dominating your man, then you can use ruined ejaculation as a punishment.
Make him earn it – You might even make him work for you to earn his eventual orgasm!
Because he wants it – Of course, you might simply ruin your partner’s orgasms simply because he requests it.
That said, there are plenty of reasons why both partners might be into ruined orgasms. Like we mentioned earlier, you can also ruin your own orgasms during solo sex, which allows you to play both roles!
Improve Your Skills at Ruining an Orgasm
Now that you know how to ruin an orgasm, it’s time to up the ante. You might have discovered that it’s harder to ruin your partner’s orgasm than you expect. Too much stimulation or stopping too late may mean he orgasms regularly rather than having an interrupted orgasm. To master the ruined orgasm technique, you’ll need to become super familiar with your man’s body.
So the next time you’re engaging in any sexy activity, pay close attention to the following when your man is about to orgasm AND when he does finally come:
- The sounds he makes
- His breathing
- His body/muscle tenseness
- His movements
He can help – There may be other signs that your man is about to have an orgasm, too! If you’re struggling to identify when he’s going to come, just have him let you know. Then, you can begin to pinpoint signs of orgasm.
Don’t wait too late – You want to stop or change what you’re doing before your man gets too close to the precipice. If he’s showing signs that he’s going to orgasm in a second or two, you’ve missed your chance. But if you notice the signs that he is getting closer, you can prepare to ruin his orgasm.
But, don’t be too early – Beware that trying to ruin his orgasm too early may also not achieve the desired effect. It may not be quite as devastating as you intend.
Don’t worry if it takes you a few tries to get it right. It can be hard to get perfectly in sync with someone else’s body, and not all bodies react the same way every time.
When you get it down, you’ll know when to pull your mouth or hand away or stop riding your man at just the right time!
Another great ruined orgasm technique is to incorporate bondage. This ensures that your partner (or you, if the roles are reversed) can’t take matters into his own hands. Binding his wrists together or tying them to the bedframe is a good start! You might also want to restrain his legs or more of his body to stop him from thrusting entirely. Under-the-bed restraints are an affordable and easy way to turn any bed into bondage furniture!
There’s a particular category of bondage devices that work well for orgasm control and potentially a ruined orgasm: chastity devices. These are sex toys that make it impossible for guys to get fully hard and almost impossible to orgasm. There are cock cages that can be secured around a penis and chastity belts for women if you’re interested in trying one for a ruined female orgasm.
Is there any sexual scenario that works better for dirty talk than ruining someone’s orgasm? Maybe not! This is especially true if the person whose orgasm is being ruined also enjoys humiliation. If that’s your partner, you can easily let him know what’s coming using dirty talk. Check out the following dirty talk examples for some ideas:
- You don’t deserve to have an orgasm.
- I’m not going to let you come the way you want.
- You’re going to come how I say.
- I control your orgasms.
- You haven’t proved that you deserve more than a ruined orgasm.
- I love ruining your orgasms.
- You love it when I ruin your orgasm, don’t you?
Plus, you can encourage your partner to beg you to let him come, pretend you will, and delight in ruining his orgasm instead!
Your dirty talk doesn’t have to be all about ruining his orgasm, however. Ruining an orgasm is typically better when your man is super hard and wants to get off more than anything in the world (hearing him beg for it can be intoxicating!). So you can use dirty talk to ensure he’s practically buzzing with arousal and the desire to get off.
Experiment with Pain
You already know that pain can be one way to obtain a ruined orgasm. However, the previous examples typically relied on your own hands. There are plenty of objects you can use to inflict pain as you ruin someone’s orgasm.
Crops, Paddles & Floggers – Impact play items such as crops, paddles, and floggers can inflict some serious pain, especially if you aim them at your partner’s sensitive bits or surprise him with it. However, if you only stick to this ruined orgasm technique, you might lose the element of surprise. So make sure to mix things up!
Blindfolds – You can keep your partner on his toes by using a blindfold. That way, he won’t be able to see what you’re about to do to ruin his orgasm. Plus, wearing a blindfold often means that people become particularly sensitive to touch, smell, and sound, all of which you can use to your advantage when you want to ruin an orgasm!
A Slap – There are a couple more options if you prefer to be hands on. First, you can always use your hand to slap his penis. Smacking the underside of the head (also known as the frenulum) is a common method for ruining orgasms. But a well-timed slap to anywhere on his body may also do the trick. And if you want your own orgasm ruined, a slap to the clitoris and vulva just might do it!
Another option is to grab and squeeze his balls to keep his cum from leaving his body. You want to be firm but not twist or be so rough that you can cause real damage. When the spermatic cord that supports the testicles in his scrotum is twisted, it can lead to painful testicular torsion .
If you want to avoid the risk of testicular torsion, try squeezing the shaft of his penis instead. This can push a few drops of semen out of his penis and make the head of his cock swell uncomfortably without letting him fully orgasm.
Finally, you can prevent your partner from orgasm by inserting a device known as a urethral sound into his penis. This is a thin rod usually made from metal that will block the urethra, so he won’t be able to ejaculate. This is a pretty kinky activate and shouldn’t be done without educating yourself or in the spur of the moment.
Part of the appeal of a ruined orgasm is knowing how badly your man wants to come. He’s physically and mentally aroused. You can see the proof of it in his hard cock! So if you want to really ruin his orgasm, you definitely want to get him as amped up as possible beforehand.
What better way to do this than to dress up? Maybe you want to dress sexy for your man. Get tips for dressing sexy.
Another option is to put on your sexiest lingerie, hosiery, and heels for your bedroom romps. When his jaw drops and pulse quickens, you know the orgasm you’re about to ruin has the potential to be a big one!
If ruining an orgasm is part of BDSM games for you and your partner, you can also dress the part. This may mean putting on costumes or wearing sexy leather, latex or pvc gear as you get into your dominant headspace. And if you’re submissive instead (read this guide if you want to learn how to unlock your submissive side in the bedroom), then you might don a collar or whatever your dom demands!
Full Body Contact
Another way to ensure that your man gets rock hard, wants to come, and is super sensitive is to make sure you involve his entire body in the activity. Run your hands and tongue along as much of his body as possible. You might give him an erotic massage to ensure that coming is all he can think about.
Massaging his penis is another great option. This is known as a lingam massage and can get him super erect before you ruin his orgasm!
However, there’s no limit to how you can stimulate your man. Even your breath, hair, and breasts can aid you in that goal, leaving him practically begging to come. But will you let him?
Not everyone thinks of prostate milking as ruining an orgasm, but it technically counts. The prostate is a gland that helps make semen [4, 5]. It’s also quite sensitive. When stimulated, either directly via the anus or indirectly through the perineum (or “taint”), it can cause a man to ejaculate without the powerful sensation of orgasm.
Prostate massage may be the key for full-body and multiple orgasms in men, so it may not be the best way to ruin an orgasm. You’ll have to experiment to find out.
The final technique for ruining an orgasm might sound extreme, but it’s not actually about drawing blood. Instead, “bleeding” is the term used for letting just a few drops of semen escape before backing off. By repeating this, your man will eventually dispel all of his semen without a powerful orgasm because it occurs slowly over time.
Bleeding might be one of the trickier techniques on this list, but if you can do it, then you’ve truly mastered the art of ruining orgasms!
Of course, there are plenty of other ways that you can build up the sexual tension and arousal before ruining your man’s orgasm. You might want to use sex toys such as a Fleshlight or a vibrator on him to get him really hard before you start bleeding the semen out of him.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ #1 – Can only men experience ruined orgasms?
No! Women can experience ruined orgasms, too. Although, you may not want to try it if you’ve struggled to have orgasms or pleasurable orgasms in the past, which can happen for a variety of reasons.
FAQ #2 – What’s the difference between a ruined orgasm and edging?
In edging, you bring yourself or your partner to the brink of orgasm and back off. You do this repeatedly until you finally let the orgasm happen, and it will be more intense than you’re used to. However, ruining an orgasm can involve adding pain, a weaker orgasm, or not letting the orgasm happen at all. You can simply abandon all play without intent to let your partner come.
A ruined orgasm combines pleasure and disappointment (and perhaps pain). By walking this thin line, you can enhance your sexual experience while also experimenting with bondage, role-playing, and other kinks.
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And best of all, you don’t need to do anything weird or uncomfortable to start having the best orgasms and sex of your life.