Most of us have heard of the yoni, the ancient Sanskrit word for the vagina. But you’re not alone if you’ve never heard of lingam, the word that translates to “wand of light” and refers to the male counterpart. Of course, if you’re a bad girl, you’ve probably spent plenty of time with a lingam, but you’d call it a “penis” or “dick.” Not only did the ancient Hindus have their own words for this part of a man’s body, but they dedicated a special type of massage, a lingam massage, that’s quite a bit different than the typical hand job you might be used to.
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Of course, there’s nothing wrong with giving your man an awesome hand job when you want to get him off, but if you’re looking for a way to increase intimacy without necessarily focusing on the goal of orgasm, then lingam massage might be just what the doctor ordered! Plus, you can slow things down and give this type of stimulation a shot to break up the monotony in the bedroom.
Finally, penis massage puts your man in the focal point of pleasure in a way that shows him he’s cared for much like a verbal compliment makes him feel good.
The Origins Of Lingam Massage
Before we dive into how to give a lingam massage, there’s a bit more you might want to know about lingam. While the phrase “lingam massage” has entered the public eye as a type of genital massage with Hindu influences, it doesn’t literally translate to the penis. Lingam is actually a representation of the Hindu god Shiva, which happens to be phallic in shape. You can understand why it has come to mean penis to so many people.
However, some Hindu practitioners still strongly associate the concept with Shiva. To them, using the word as part of the phrase “lingam massage” might seem offensive because it reduces the meaning.
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In fact, the lingam massage was developed much more recently. Credit is given to Andro Andreas Rothe who founded Diamond Lotus Tantra Lounge in Berlin for developing this style of erotic massage in the 1970s. Later, Joseph Kramer who is known as one of the foremost teachers of erotic massage and Taoist Master Mantak Chia were said to have evolved the concept.
However, it’s difficult to pinpoint when exactly this practice was developed and how much each person contributed to it. Some accounts state that Kramer himself is responsible after having developed Taoist Erotic Massage in 1982 before going on to work with Annie Sprinkle, a feminist, sex educator, and researcher who developed the concept of yoni massage.
Regardless of who contributed to this idea, it’s now become pretty ingrained in the collective unconscious.
Anatomy of the Lingam
Before we talk about the actual techniques of penis massage, let’s refresh your knowledge of the male anatomy. The lingam, or penis, is made up of the base, shaft, foreskin and the head or glans, at the end of which is the urethral opening . Of course, the head is highly sensitive . For some men, it’s the most sensitive part of the penis . This works well for women who aren’t able to deep throat because it allows them to give great head by focusing on only the head of his penis.
If your man is circumcised, which means the foreskin has been removed from the head of the penis [4, 5, 6], there’s a ridge that separates the head of the penis from the shaft that’s known as the corona . At the underside of the corona is the frenulum, which is the most sensitive part of his head .
If he’s not cut, the foreskin still covers the glans. Note that an uncut penis may be more sensitive .
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If you think your man’s ability to experience pleasure ends here, however, you’re wrong! The testicles and scrotum can also be sensitive , and you can go even further back. Between the testicles and anus is the perineum [11, 12], which is especially sensitive to men because it offers access to the prostate without needing to penetrate your man anally. Learn more about his prostate. In lingam massage, this perineum is known as the Sacred Spot specifically for this reason!
Preparing for Penis Massage
Lingam massage is about so much more than a quick handy. Before you even put your hands on your man, you can set the scene by doing the following.
Music can be a great accompaniment to lingam massage. There are a few ways you can go. First, you could go with some gentle, soothing background music, perhaps something that sounds eastern or new age. Alternatively, you can opt for music that sounds especially sexy. Check out this sex playlist.
You might simply want some soothing background music. A white noise app or even a YouTube track can be soothing and set the pace to keep you from rushing.
Set the Lighting
Next, pick the lighting. Many spas opt for soft light. Harsh light isn’t sexy or relaxing, so ditch those overhead lights. Instead, turn on a lamp. You can even dim it by draping a sheer scarf over the shade.
Candles offer another lighting option. Plus, they can scent the air, and massage candles can be used for oil during the lingam massage.
Aside from candles, you might choose to burn incense while you give your man a massage. There are also products that you can spray on your linens to scent them, or you could place a vase full of flowers in the room where you’ll be.
Don’t forget your personal scent. It might be time to spritz on a scent, perhaps one that you wear only for sex.
Remember the Details
Even the bedding you pick can influence the mood. Consider fresh sheets – some people find silky sheets to be especially sensual. But you can also go furry or plush if you like. There should be enough pillows to support both you and your man comfortably. Check the thermostat so it’s not too hot or cold.
Finally, make sure you’ll have privacy. This may mean locking the door or making sure your roommates are out of the house for a few hours, so you both can truly relax.
Find the Perfect Slick Product
Break out your favorite massage product. There are a few to consider.
- An oil-based massage cream is the choice of some. Oil weakens and degrades condoms [13, 14, 15] (this includes natural oils such as olive oil ), though, so don’t use it if you plan to have sex after and rely on them as birth control. More on that here.
- Silicone-based lube can also double as a massage oil . Learn more about silicone-based lubes.
- You’ll find warming, flavored and scented massage products, too. Make sure to test them out before use because every body reacts differently. Start with a dab on your wrist. If that’s okay, try a small amount of product on your inner thigh.
- Consider a massage candle, which burns at a low temperature so you can experience heat during your massage.
- Coconut oil also works as a slick cream and will absorb into the skin leaving it moisturized [18, 19, 20].
Lingam Massage Techniques
Let’s move beyond anatomy into the techniques of penis massage. The following is a step-by-step guide to lingam massage. There are some specific techniques to learn. However, you can also incorporate some of the techniques from this guide to sensual massage. While a lingam massage focuses on his penis, you shouldn’t forget the rest of his body.
1. Get in Position
Some people prefer to give a lingam massage by sitting between their man’s legs while he sits down with his legs spread open. You can then kneel on the floor, facing him. If it’s more comfortable, however, you might sit next to him in bed or on a sofa. Feel free to switch up positions during the massage, too.
2. Apply your massage product
You can apply a small amount to the palm of your hand. If it’s cool, rubbing your hands together can warm it up. If you’re using a massage candle, pour some in your hand and allow it to cool slightly. Pour it from higher (at least 18 inches of the surface of your skin) up to allow it to cool before it reaches your hand .
3. Touch His Penis and Apply Oil
Gently grasp his penis and run your hands down the shaft. This will distribute the oil along his penis. You can also cup his testicles. Check out the tips for testicle massage to make sure you’re not being too rough.
Slowly rub closer to his pubic bone and make circles closer to the base of his penis.
During this, you’ll also be able to massage his perineum or Sacred Spot.
4. Experiment with Massage Techniques
Now it’s time to try some of the techniques that are specific to lingam massage.
- Hold his penis within both of your hands. Your fingers should be on the upper side of his shaft while your thumbs press gently against the underside of his penis. You’ll lightly lift his penis up as you stroke with your index finger and thumb from base to head of his penis. Pull one hand up, then the other.
- Use one hand to hold the base of his penis. With the other hand, you’ll stroke upward toward the head. Keep the thumb of your second hand pointed upward with the pad pressed against his shaft as you stroke like a ski. Your finger may gently curl in on the other side of his penis.
- Massage the frenulum, which is located just under the head of his penis , with your thumb and fingers. Slowly rub circles around the frenulum and head of his penis.
- Interlock the fingers of both your hands similar to praying. Place his penis between the inside of your fingers and your thumbs, which will be placed at the underside of his penis. Slide both hands up the shaft of his penis. You can vary this prayer technique by holding your thumbs more open or closed.
- Press your fingers into his perineum, the area between his testicles and anus. This is also known as his Sacred Spot. It can bring pleasure to your man because you can access his prostate through this spot. Make sure your nails are trimmed short and smooth. You can also use your knuckles.
You can also:
- Stroke from the base of your man’s penis to the head with one hand, then follow with your other hand.
- Change direction by moving from the head of his cock to the base.
- Massage the head of his penis like you’re juicing an orange.
- Twist your hand side to side as you stroke your man.
- Add male sex toys, such as a Tenga sleeve, to your penis massage.
- Run a soft cloth or furry item over his penis.
- Experiment with hot or cold temperatures – warming or cooling massage products are great for this.
The goal of this isn’t to make your man cum or even make him hard. He may become hard and become softer again. That’s okay! Keeps your hands on him, and the two of you will remain connected. Of course, if he desires a “happy ending,” it’s fine to give him what he wants!
5. Focus on Breathing
If your man feels like he’s too close to orgasm, you can lighten your touch. You can also help him avoid orgasm by getting him to focus on his breathing. The breathing techniques practiced in Tantric sex come in handy here. The two of you can breathe in tandem if it helps to keep him at ease. You can also consider walking him through controlling his breathing and connecting with his body similar to the way yoga or meditation instructors talk. However, this isn’t necessary during a lingam massage.
Orgasm without Ejaculation
Another technique to use is to allow your man to orgasm without ejaculation. This is a skill that many men don’t realize they have, but it’s perfect for lingam massage. Plus, it can enable him to be multi-orgasmic during sex!
There are two ways to achieve this.
- Press his Sacred Spot firmly while he orgasms.
- Wrap your fingers around the base of his scrotum and pull down firmly during his orgasm . Just make sure not to hurt him.
Both of these methods take practice. One thing you might struggle with is being firm enough. Make sure your nails are filed and be careful not to pinch when pushing against his perineum. Get feedback during either technique to ensure your man is comfortable.
In a typical lingam massage, you’ll end without giving your man an orgasm. Like you began, you’ll return to giving him a general massage to prolong his relaxed state. You might cuddle, which is also good for intimacy. If he’s incredibly relaxed, your man may want to go to sleep after a penis massage.
There’s also the possibility that he will want to orgasm. Although it’s not traditional of lingam massage, you might want to finish off with a happy ending. Or you might continue with a sexy romp, in which case, you may want to try out some of these incredible sex positions.
Make sure you’ve got enough time, so you can slowly return to the noisy world around you. You may want to cover him and give him a few moments to breathe and relax in silence like they would at a professional massage salon.
Your man can also return the favor by massaging your yoni (or vagina) and vulva. This could lead to orgasm, but it doesn’t have to. You can simply feel pampered and relaxed while he does the work.
As a couple, you may have fallen into a routine. Lingam massage is a way for you to try something new that allows you to focus on your man without the expectation of orgasm. It can make your man feel worshiped and appreciated in a way that he’s lacking.
The Wikipedia entry for Tantra massage discusses several elements of erotic Tantric massage including lingam massage.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams teaches men to become multi-orgasmic based on Eastern principles.
This lingam massage guide on Beducated also has an infographic and offers visual demonstrations of techniques.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ #1 – What is the origin of the word “lingam?”
Lingam is a Sanskrit word, a phallic symbol  that sometimes represents the Hindu god Shiva and is at other times shown by itself  such as in the form a stone phallus . Some people use it to refer to the penis.
FAQ #2 – Is the phrase “lingam massage” offensive?
For practicing Hindus, it may be. While some of the concepts behind erotic Tantric massage were developed and furthered by Taoist Master Mantak Chia, others were simply adopted by westerners in the 20th century. Using terms such as “lingam” or “tantra” may be a little misleading and can also reduce a complex belief system to something that’s only sexual.
FAQ #3 – What if my partner doesn’t like a sensual lingam massage?
Many guys are used to masturbating with a tightly-closed fist and intense speed. The slow and sensual strokes may not be what he’s used to, and he may find them less pleasurable or even ticklish. Remember that your goal isn’t just to jerk him off but to give him a different type of massage that promotes intimacy between the two of you and can even make his body and penis feel worshipped.
It might take a few sessions for him to come to like it. He may occasionally lose his erection, which is totally fine, too. If you’re both enjoying it, keep it up. And if not? It’s okay for the two of you to find another activity to try instead!
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