Do you want to give your man the most intense orgasms he’s ever had, potentially including multiple orgasms? Has he expressed interest in prostate massage for pleasure or health? Then you’ve come to the right place. We’ve got all the information you need about prostate play.
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Know Your Terminology
You might read guides about prostate massage that also mention prostate milking. Typically, these two phrases mean the same thing. No matter what you choose to call it, it can be a great way to bring pleasure to your man. We’ll use both terms interchangeably throughout this Prostate Massage guide.
You may be interested in learning more about prostate massage in this podcast I recorded with Forrest Walker a product developer for a sex toy company that makes prostate massagers.
Getting to Know His Prostate
If you want to give your man intense, back-arching, grab-the-bedsheets, screaming, crying orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
First things first – where and what is the prostate? The prostate gland is an organ that’s part of a man’s endocrine system. It secrets prostate fluid, one of the components of semen . The prostate’s location is around the urethra, below the bladder.
The prostate is also known as an organ that brings pleasure and a different kind of orgasm to a man. For thousands of years, the prostate has been known as an acupressure spot.
Not sure how your man feels about prostate play? It’s one of the most important sex questions to ask a guy!
You or your man can access the prostate through two modes. First, you can access it through the lining of the anus. You’ll find it about 2 inches inside his anus with your fingers crooked towards his testicles.
The prostate’s position means it’s not easily stimulated by a tongue. You can still eat his ass to make him go crazy. Learn how.
Another way to locate the prostate is through the perineum, the slightly rough area between his anus and balls. If you push firmly through the skin (some people use their knuckle to achieve this), you may be able to stimulate his prostate.
The prostate is located inside your man’s rectum and is similar in shape to a walnut. When aroused, it should feel firm. An unhealthy prostate might be especially large or have a different texture.
The fact that the prostate can be accessed through the anus gives some people pause. For instance, you might wonder if his interest in prostate massage makes him gay.
You’re a woman, right? He’s attracted to you and having sex with you, right? It’s highly unlikely that he’s gay.
You might even be a straight woman who enjoys anal play. There’s much pleasure to be had from it, so forge right ahead! If he’s feeling hesitant, have him read this article about the male G-spot.
Another reason why people may be reluctant to try giving a prostate massage is that of how you access it: via the rectum.
Massaging His Prostate: How to Prepare
Some people are uncomfortable about the idea of prostate milking because they worry it might be messy. Whenever you get involved with ass play, there’s always a chance of dealing with fecal matter. However, your man can reduce the likelihood of this happening by taking several precautions.
- He should have a recent, clean bowel movement. Lots of fiber in his diet will help him to be more regular. It’s not the time to play anally if he has to go.
- Cleanse thoroughly with a wet wipe.
- Consider a small anal douche with warm water to rinse out the area. He can use it over the toilet, so cleanup is a breeze.
- Shower to freshen things up.
In most cases, an enema isn’t necessary; although, your man might enjoy it as a precursor to prostate massage. Enemas hook up to your faucet or shower, inserting water into the anus with a tube. Enemas can leave your man feeling extra clean, but the device may be pricey, and it takes more time than a simple douche.
Get more tips like these in our post on preparing for anal sex.
Remember to prepare by clipping your nails short and filing them smooth, which is always thoughtful when manually stimulating a partner!
You may also feel better about massaging your guy’s prostate if you use a barrier. In a pinch, a condom will work when slipped over a finger or two. You can also use a glove. Avoid latex if either of you has an allergy, which also means you shouldn’t use latex condoms.
Lubricate the fingers of the glove and simply toss them in the trash when you’re done massaging his prostate.
You can also use toys so you don’t have to use your fingers, and we’ll discuss those in depth in just a bit.
All of these things help to make prostate massage safe. Learn more about anal sex safety.
Make His Prostate Milking Experience a Positive One
You might be excited to jump into prostate play and give your man a new experience, but there are things you can do to ensure your man enjoys it. For starters, go slower than slow. It’s the same advice we give for any woman who is trying anal sex for the first time. Before you penetrate your man, try manual stimulation of his butt and around his anus. Learn more about anal fingering here.
Using lube is important because the prostate doesn’t self-lubricate. A thick water-based lube might be up his alley, or the two of you might prefer a silicone lube, which is longer lasting. Check out our guide to lube for more tips. Make sure to reapply lube as often as necessary.
Start with one finger, then slowly keep adding them until your man has become accustomed to the feeling. This is a good method if you’re planning to work up to a sex toy that’s more girthy (also known as anal training). You can also start with a narrow toy and work your way up to larger toys.
Make sure your man is relaxed. If he’s already had an orgasm, that’s a good start. Give him a sensual massage beforehand (silicone-based lube also works for this!). Encourage him to breathe during the entire experience, which will keep his body more relaxed.
If you’ve only got time for a quickie, then you probably don’t want to try prostate massage if it’s his first time. It can take up to an hour for him to reach orgasm through prostate massage; although, like will all sex acts, you should try to focus on the journey and not the end goal.
All of these things reduce the likelihood of pain. Read this if anal sex hurts.
How Prostate Massage Feels for a Man
Although prostate stimulation is something many men enjoy, it’s different for every man. Stimulating the prostate may give him an instant erection. Or he may go soft when one of you is stimulating his prostate. This doesn’t mean he’s not enjoying it, however. Communication is key to making sure his experience is a positive one. More on that in this post about talking about sex.
It can take a few times for prostate massage to feel really good. Men may need to get used to the feeling of the pressure or the lack of control during a prostate massage. Sensation also builds up over time, so it might not be mind-altering at first.
One man responded to the Bad Girls Bible survey about prostate massage to let us know that it feels like “humbling feeling of being drained against your will.” Wow! Another described “a deep, internal tension which feels like my cock is being stimulated from the inside out.”
For many, it definitely feels like a massage, just from a different angle.
Interestingly, several men responded to the survey and commented how prostate stimulation makes them feel like they have to pee . You might experience a similar sensation when massaging your G-spot (and some people describe the G-spot as the female prostate or vice versa).
However, it might not be possible for a woman to understand what prostate stimulation feels like. As one man put it:
this question is like trying to describe the color blue to a blind person
There are so many reasons why men like anal, both giving and receiving. Many others responded that they simply couldn’t describe it at all.
One thing’s for sure, he might just thank you for being freaky enough to suggest prostate play once he tries it! Discover what it means to be a freak in bed.
Playing with Prostate Toys
Using a toy made for prostate massage can help you zero in on this organ and can be beneficial if you lack the finger length or dexterity to do so.
Many G-spot toys (vibrators and dildos) work for prostate milking. Some anal probes or butt plugs (discover more about butt plugs) will also do the job. But if you’re looking for intense prostate stimulation, then there are a few companies that stand out from the rest: Aneros and Nexus.
Both toy companies make prostate massagers that have distinct appearances. There’s an insertable portion designed to rub against the prostate and usually an external arm for simultaneous prostate stimulation through the perineum. They come with a handle or loop that enables you to rock the toy back and forth against his prostate. Some of these toys look a bit like the three-armed triskele shape.
This distinct shape helps a man or his partner find the right spot, which can be difficult according to some of our survey responses.
Not all prostate toys have a pronounced handle, some are L-shaped, while others are C/U-shaped.
Prostate toys like those may not have vibrating components; although, you can readily find prostate vibrators. Some of the best-known sex toy makers include Fun Factory, Lelo, Rocks Off and Tantus, offer vibrating and non-vibrating prostate toys.
Using lube is just as important with a toy as when milking his prostate with your finger. You can apply lube directly to the toy, to his anus, or both.
You can also massage his prostate through the use of a strap-on harness and dildo. This practice is known as pegging, and we’ve got plenty of advice about it in this post about using strap-ons. You might also find that pegging your man gives you a thrill and makes you feel powerful.
Choosing the right dildo is important so that both you and your partner can enjoy pegging. A straight dildo may do the trick, but one with a curve or bulbous head is often better for prostate massage. Remember that the curve points up toward the prostate.
It’s easy to start with the largest dildo you can get your hands on, but be realistic. Start small if you’ve never tried pegging before. You can always increase the size (choose a harness that is compatible with multiple O-rings, allowing you to use various-sized dildos) as your partner can take larger dildos. The same goes for length; although, you can pick a longer dildo and use shallower thrusts.
You’ll want to stick to body-friendly materials such as stainless steel, glass or silicone when picking a dildo to peg your man with. Toys made of plastic and jelly materials have porous holes that can harbor bacteria, even after washing with soap and water. Nonporous materials such as those that I just listed (stainless steel, glass or silicone) have no holes and can be treated with a 10% bleach solution to clean, which means you can use your favorite G-spot dildo on you and your man, as long as you sterilize it in between.
Because you don’t have the same feedback as a man when using a strap-on, communication is key. Your man needs to let you know if you’re hitting his prostate and how the speed and depth of your thrusts work for him.
Techniques for Prostate Massage
After you’ve located your man’s prostate, what do you do with it? Start by slowly and gently thrusting your finger or toy in and out, making sure to press against his prostate as you do. Don’t fully remove your finger/toy from his anus, however.
Your movement might need to start right above his prostate.
If using a toy with a handle, you might find rocking the toy back and forth works better than thrusting. This provides internal stimulation directly against the prostate and simultaneous stimulation through your man’s perineum.
Try pressing his perineum firmly to further stimulate his prostate during orgasm. This may lead to a “dry” orgasm , which allows him to become multiply orgasmic! If you’re aiming for this type of orgasm, you might want to hold off on touching his penis while you give him a prostate massage. Some men can experience multiple dry orgasms.
On the other hand, you can also combine prostate milking with oral sex. Read our tips here. Kneel in front of him and start giving him a blowjob. Then, reach around to penetrate his anus and stimulate his prostate at the same time.
You can also suck his balls while giving a prostate massage.
Related: How to Suck His Balls To Drive Him Wild With Pleasure
Try the following techniques with the pad of your finger:
- Circular motion
- Rubbing back-and-forth or side-to-side
Vary intensity, too. Some men enjoy the sensation of a gentle touch but require more firmness if they’re going to have an orgasm from prostate massage.
If you want to know about the difference between an orgasm from prostate play and a penile orgasm, keep reading….
Many men can orgasm from prostate milking. They frequently report a difference between prostate orgasms and the orgasms they have from penile stimulation. The latter are more genital-centric orgasms, but prostate orgasms seem to come from deep within the body or pelvis. Men may feel tingling or warmth from them.
One Redditor described how a prostate orgasm feels in the following way:
A radiating warmth coupled with a pressurized pleasure. […]
When it hit, it fucking hit.
A wave smashing into my groin, wave after wave smashing over the rest of my body. My skin felt super receptive. I felt every hair follicle on my scalp, and I felt a pressure building again.
I had ended up groaning again, quite loudly, and shot across the room. Multiple volleys of semen flew across the room, managing to hit the opposite wall.
When it was over I was still quivering. Gasping for air and trying to ot to touch my body. I grazed my nipples and nearly had a seizure. I cleaned myself off after 10 minutes trying to regain my composure. When I stood up I couldn’t walk. My knees were quivering with exhaustion.
It was intense beyond intense. Do try it.
Another man echoed that sentiment:
How did it feel? It was definitely NOT genital as has been mentioned above, it came from within my pelvis, deep to my body, and when it hit it was overwhelming and completely uncontrollable.
I convulsed there for a good minute, feeling waves throughout my body, and also feeling supreme satisfaction to have finally successfully had a prostate orgasm. There is definitely a spaghetti legs feeling still, and a lovely afterglow.
Not the easiest thing in the world to achieve but with practice I’d say it’s totally f’n worth it.
Others echoed how intense prostate orgasms feel, how much control they lose over their bodies and having legs that feel like “spaghetti” afterward. Recovery takes longer as they tremble and have to catch their breath. Some men mentioned ejaculating more or longer distances from prostate massage.
Several men said that they could not help but moan and groan from prostate orgasm, even though they wouldn’t do that when having a regular orgasm.
It might be easier for your man to enjoy an orgasm from prostate stimulation if you’re the one doing the work and he can simply focus on the sensation.
Just like with the G-spot, an orgasm may not happen the first or first few times. It can take time and practice, so you may have to be willing to give it a few goes before he can come — if he wants to, that is.
Psst, you’ve got to check out these male orgasm techniques!
When you’re ready to stop massaging his prostate or after he’s had an orgasm, pull out slowly, especially if you’re using a toy. Give his body time to adjust to the empty feeling.
The Best Positions for Prostate Play
If you’re having trouble reaching his prostate or want to spice things up, switch positions. He can try lying on his side and pulling the knee of his upper leg toward his chest. This position also works for men who want to try prostate massage by themselves, which may help him get comfortable with the idea.
Another position to try has your man sitting with both knees raised to his chest. You can arrange yourself face to face while you stimulate his prostate.
It’s especially easy to stimulate his prostate when he’s on hands and knees, and this is the ideal position for penetrating him with a strap-on. However, he can also lie on his back with his legs up, and you can peg him while you’re kneeling in front of him, similar to Missionary position.
Lean your man over a table or other piece of furniture for complete access to his prostate. This is similar to the many sex positions where a man enters a woman from behind. You can either use a strap-on, another toy or digital stimulation during these positions.
Many of the best sex positions for anal work for prostate play.
Keep in mind utter exhaustion and weak legs that he might experience due to a prostate orgasm, however.
Psst, did you know that some women can experience anal orgasms? Find out more.
Prostate Massage for Prostate Health
There is no conclusive evidence about the efficacy of prostate play alone to prevent or relieve the symptoms of prostatitis, but many anecdotal accounts support the idea . However, it can help relieve symptoms of prostatitis. Prostate massage is often combined with antimicrobial or antibiotic therapies successfully  . Diet also affects the health of the prostate.
With that said, some doctors and medical professionals provide prostate massage services. Of course, these services cost more than having a lover give a prostate milking, and they’re certainly less sexy.
What the Science Says
Doctors frequently use a digital rectal exam (DRE) to check the health of a man’s prostate  . That is, they inserted a finger to feel if there was any swelling or abnormalities in size or texture that might indicate cancer (inflammation may also be a symptom of some STIs like gonorrhea ). Men often found this invasive and embarrassing. Sometimes they would even put it off for those reasons. A blood test that looks for prostate-specific antigens (PSA) was developed to detect prostatitis .
However, there is now another method that can help doctors screen for the condition: sampling urine after a prostate massage. As it turns out, massaging the prostate released PSAs into the urine , and doctors can use this as an alternative method to the digital rectal exam or even the blood test, which isn’t always accurate.
- Check out BVibe’s guide to prostate play with graphics that explain anatomy and using toys or fingers to stimulate the prostate.
- Cara Sutra wrote an excellent post called Prostate Massage 101 if you still have questions after reading our advice about prostate massage.
- Finally, the Mayo Clinic provides information about prostatitis including a breakdown of the different types and various treatment options.
- Check out the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman if you want a hard copy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is it normal for my man to want a prostate massage? Does it make him gay?
A: Some people struggle with the idea of prostate milking being gay because the prostate is located in the anus. But if your man asks you, a woman, to engage in any sexual play, that sounds pretty straight! It’s also typical for guys to be interested (he may even have tried anal masturbation). After all, you don’t have to go far to find men who rave about the pleasure and sites that recommend prostate play for health reasons.
Q: How do I get over the idea that prostate play is gross or dirty?
A: It’s understandable if you’re hesitant to try prostate play because the rectum is where fecal matter exits the body. First, your man can prepare following the suggestions above (showering, shaving, and douching), which makes the whole thing more appetizing. You can also wear gloves (non-latex if either of you has an allergy), which makes cleanup easier. But ultimately, you’ll just have to forge ahead because the pleasure that prostate play brings to you — and the intimacy it fosters between you and your partner — is greater than any squeamishness you feel.
Q: Does prostate massage help with prostatitis?
A: Some men with prostatitis, an inflamed prostate, swear by prostate massage when it comes to pain management. Doctors may even recommend prostate play before prostatitis becomes an issue to prevent future issues. However, there isn’t a strong consensus when it comes to research.
Q: What’s the best way to stimulate the prostate?
A: You may be able to easily stimulate your partner’s prostate with a finger or two. A dildo also works, especially one with a G-spot/prostate curve. However, specialized prostate toys are among the best tools to come when it comes to prostate play. They find the prostate, offer pressure in just the right way, and stimulate from inside and out.
Q: Should I be worried if my partner sometimes loses his erection during prostate play?
A: Not at all! This is perfectly normal. Some men become immediately erect from prostate stimulation. Your partner might lose an erection and regain it during prostate stimulation. As long as it feels good, there’s no reason for either of you to be concerned.
Q: What if he doesn’t come from prostate milking?
A: That can occasionally happen, and it’s nothing to worry about. Prostate massage can also cause him to leak prostate fluid even if he doesn’t ejaculate.
Giving a prostate massage might seem intimidating, but the experience can be so intimate and rewarding that we encourage you to at least consider it. With this advice, you can discover why men have enjoyed prostate milking for thousands of years and impress your man with your sexual prowess!
Q: What other anal activities might he like?
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