Jason Julius is a world renowned sex coach and female orgasm expert and his goal is to help as many men, women, and couples achieve the amazing sex lives they deserve. In this episode we are going to discuss everything a man can do to give his partner more intense and satisfying pleasure inside and outside the bedroom.
We also dive into how to really get your female partner aroused by communicating with her throughout the day, and building on the fantasy for her ultimate sexual readiness. Jason is very candid and shares all his tips and advice on stimulating your female partner’s G-spot and A-spot, ways to encourage her to let go towards ejaculation, and the real culprits behind premature and delayed ejaculation for men. So if you’re listening and have a male partner, you may want to get him to listen to this episode too!
Key Points From This Episode
- Jason’s background and how he got to where he is today.
- Advice for getting your female partner aroused.
- Breaking down the arousal process for men and women.
- Understanding the concept of “sexy context”.
- What makes for good foreplay from a guy.
- The importance of quieting down your female partners’ mind.
- Simplicity and the general rules of dirty talk.
- Why it is critical to get to know yourself sexually.
- Advice for providing clitoral stimulation, manually and orally.
- How to find the G-spot, and why many people struggle to find it.
- Why using a lubricant is sometimes a must.
- Strategy for helping your partner achieve female ejaculation.
- The dangers of too much porn, and forming the wrong paths in your brain.
- And much more!
Resources, extended show notes and Poly Anna’s details can be accessed by clicking here.
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Sean Jameson: Today on the podcast I’m talking to Jason Julius. He’s a world renowned sex coach and female orgasm expert and we’re going to discuss everything a man can do to give his partner more intense and satisfying pleasure inside and outside the bedroom. So if you’re listening and have a male partner, you may want to get him to listen to this episode too.
Jason, thanks so much for coming on the show.
Jason Julius: Oh, it’s my pleasure, thanks for having me.
Sean Jameson: So I’d love to start out possibly if you could tell our listeners, a little bit about yourself on how you came to teach men and women how to provide their female partner with more pleasure and have more enjoyable sex.
Jason Julius: Sure, yeah. If you were to go back like 12 years, I would have probably been the last person you’d expect to be talking about full body female orgasms and squirting and you know, giving women amazing orgasms, you know? I grew up in the mid-west of United States in Nebraska and I was kind of shy, kind of insecure when I was younger and whenever I had a girlfriend, I just really wanted to please her.
One of the first women that I ever really loved was when I was 18, she cheated on me and I really took that the wrong way. I really internalized that, that I was not good enough and I kind of made it my mission that I wanted to figure this out, figure out what was wrong, what was I doing wrong, what was I not understanding and around the age of 25, me and my best friend moved from Nebraska to Las Vegas and we started an Internet business and we were putting out a lot of web properties and one of those properties was a site that was all about dating advice. So we had all these like dating advice gurus sharing advice on our website and in during that time, I was in a relationship.
So I was reading all these awesome advice but I was like, okay, I really dig the psychology of the male/female dynamics but the part that really stuck out to me is there is a lot of people discussing orgasms in a way that I never heard. You know, they were talking about full body ejaculatory orgasms, they were talking about the mental side of orgasms, they were talking about all different ways to approach her in ways that I had never heard of before. So I really took to that part of our site and we’re fortunate enough to kind of be at the center of all this amazing data.
You know, just eating it up and I was applying it to my girlfriend and I wanted to start kind of a video podcast, this was back in like 2006/2007 and I didn’t have a lot to add to the discussion about dating advice but what I did do is I started talking about all the adventures I was having with my girlfriend as far as teaching her how to have squirting orgasms, applying what I was learning and soon I realized that there was quite a few people out there that just like me, didn’t know about this.
Organically, I kind of just found a lot of guys following my YouTube channel, just wanting to learn more and long story short, I just became obsessed with learning more, being able to teach this stuff and, you know, I’ve been teaching it ever since like 2006. It’s just kind of blossomed from there. I think it’s just more of my obsession with kind of wanting to understand this so that I can feel, when I’ve looked back I’m like, “Why did I get so obsessed about this?” I think it was about wanting to feel like I’m enough for my partner and I think that’s men and women can feel that, that sometimes, they just want to be adequate. You know, it’s our nature to want to be able to be loved and when you feel like you’re not enough then you want to do something about it.
Sean Jameson: Absolutely. It’s often, there’s often there’s someone who is not very tall so then they go to the gym like crazy and they want to maybe compensate in a way or just figure out a way exactly like you said to be enough.
Jason Julius: I think there’s also like, we’ll get into some of the interesting distinctions that I’ve kind of discovered, you know, over this past decade of teaching this but there’s small little tweaks that when you just apply, just the smallest little difference, make all the difference in the world and I find that to be the case in all areas of your life, you know, whether it be your health and fitness or your relationship, just slight changes can make all the difference in the world.
Sean Jameson: Well, I’d love then to start maybe at the start with, let’s say there’s a man and a woman and the guy then, he’s perhaps, he’s trying to keep his – get his partner aroused, get her turned on, would you have any advice for that?
Jason Julius: Yeah, absolutely. I think, for the guys listening to this and for the women as well, I think that there’s a huge misunderstanding about female desire and how female desire actually works and a really good resource for people that really want to deep dive is a book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and in that book, she talks about one of the big misconceptions, and this kind of goes all the way to, you can kind of imagine how women are always thought to need more foreplay. Why is that, right? You know, for guys, we are turned on so quickly, you can kind of think of guys getting turned on like a light switch, we get turned on very visually and we get turned on for just – we can just get horny for no reason.
Sean Jameson: Absolutely.
Jason Julius: It’s one of those things where, you know, we do a huge disservice trying to compare the way the standard of how men get turned on and feel desire and compare that to women. In fact, when you actually really study it, you actually do a huge disservice just to say that there’s only one way that people get turned on but we can somewhat generalize that men and women feel desire differently.
So the model that Emily talks about in this book, which is really great, of desire is, you can think about the way men feel desire with sort of the standard of what people like in early 1900’s, mid-1900’s thought everybody should feel desire this way. That is to feel desire first, then arousal and then that gets you to orgasm, right? So we can be sitting in our chairs working on something and suddenly, we just have this urge, you know, we kind of feel it in ourselves where we can be turned on very quickly, we can see our woman walk by. We can feel desire, right? I call that desire area, the turn on switch. We can feel that very easily and then some sexy context can come in and really pushes over the edge.
She starts taking off her clothes, we start seeing her visually and we start really getting aroused and then sex begins, arousal hits a peak, and then we orgasm. Well, that’s the way that the majority of men experience desire and about 15% of women experience it that way as well. In my experience, I have dated women who do feel turned on or horny really quickly or very instantly, somewhat more how the model of desire works for men. But for the majority of women, they actually experience desire almost backwards. They need the arousal first, the arousal is like the sexy context to come first.
Sean Jameson: What are a few examples, let’s just say that sexy context?
Jason Julius: Right, that’s like the story, that’s the fantasy, that’s the – her mind getting engaged, right? Men are turned on very visually. Women are turned on mentally. That can seem challenging for men to understand because we expect her to get to the bedroom and just, you know, we see her naked and we’re turned on, why does she not feel the same way when she sees us strip off our clothes?
It’s all the stuff that come beforehand, it’s the slow gradual buildup. I like to think of it as like a slow turn of a volume knob, turned up as her mental state is able to get into the fantasy, she’s able to get out of her mind. So, you know, as a woman, you know, takes care of herself and she’s you know, putting on makeup every day and she’s really trying to present herself well to be attracted to her man visually. I think for guys, we need to understand that we need to be constantly creating and flirting with our woman to create the fantasy that she desires to get her mind engaged.
It’s kind of like an ongoing thing. You know, you send her sexy text during the day time, that can be fun or just even helping her feel like she’s being seen can actually be a huge turn on, you know? Feel like you actually are seeing her for her. You know, she’s busy during the day and she’s got all these built up in her head that are keeping her mind really busy and her mind needs to quiet down to get to that state of being aroused and into the moment and turned on by what’s going on.
Just allow her to just express, “Hey, wow, you know? I know you got a lot going on, I could really appreciate, you know, that you do this at your job and you did this for the kids,” and you know, let her be seen and for her to feel that from her man, she’s like, “Wow.” Then you can slowly start touch and you can bring in all the senses and slowly build in a fantasy and I think there’s no easy tangible way to explain it. It’s just kind of constant flirting and engaging her mind that will allow her to say, “Oh wow, this man’s kind of turning me on,” and you know, she’s getting that sexy context. Then desire comes in, then that desire – “Hmm, I’d like some sex,” comes in, it doesn’t flip on instantly for her.
Sean Jameson: I think you make a really good point there. Well, two points. First that you could almost see guys and their arousal sort of like a light switch and then women sort of, their arousal and maybe pattern of desire is more like a dimmer switch or a dimmer knob for lights.
Jason Julius: It’s going up and down all the time, it’s not like just a steady up and down, it’s up and down. It’s like you might be doing some – you might be light heartedly laughing and having fun all day and then, you know, you do something that really annoys her and you know, her desire towards you kind of just dips down.
But, you bring up a good point, you know, like just laughing and having a good time is just like – you see in a lot of dating profiles, right? For women, what do they want on a man? I just want a man who makes me laugh and that sounds like, okay, I just want a man who makes me laugh. She wants a man who makes her feel good feelings and really pour into the moment, it’s kind of what that kind of translates into and it doesn’t mean you have to be a jokester.
Sean Jameson: This is it! I think a lot of guys forget, exactly as you said, that they think what turns them on will turn their partner on and you said, like appreciation to a guy may not sound like a turn on whatsoever but to a woman, it could be the biggest turn on being seen, being appreciated, and being loved. Again, guys, misinterpret exactly what you said about you know, someone who makes me laugh doesn’t mean she wants a comedian, who does nothing but make her laugh but never actually makes her feel desired or sexy.
Jason Julius: Right, it engages her mind and things like taking control, you know, not demanding things but just taking control in planning the night out, say, “Hey, we should go check this out.” Not say, “We have to.” Just take control, you now, lead her through the situation whether it be on a date or in the bedroom, it allows her to get outside of her head. She’s just waiting for that guy who will just allow her to let go and for the women listening to this, I think it can be kind of liberating when you talk about that model of desire that, you know, I think there’s somewhat of an expectation for women to, based on the model of how men feel desire, if they’re not feeling horny all the time or they’re not feeling turned on, there’s a lot of women who are like, “Maybe I’m just not as turned on all the time like my man?” That’s normal, you need a little bit of time to get into the fantasy.
Sean Jameson: I’m into the mood, into the zone.
Jason Julius: Into the mood, yeah, exactly.
Sean Jameson: So let’s say, a guy listening, he understands this or maybe a girl listening a female listener hears this, she passes it on to her partner and he does this correctly, a bit of flirting, takes a bit of control, without kind of demanding her to do things, she’s getting aroused and things are heating up, what then makes for good foreplay from a guy?
Jason Julius: Right, yeah, I mean, I think that’s the purpose of foreplay is to build up the fantasy. Because now that you understand that she needs to have a bit of sexy context first and then she really starts to feel that desire, it’s kind of about taking your time and building up the fantasy and for men, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is just to try to jump in to things so quickly.
I think that that’s what often happens is men are just so eager to jump into sex and then ejaculate very quickly and roll over and go to sleep and then she’s left to be like, “Wait a second, I never even got to like my arousal to where I even was really into the sex.” She really wants to be able to get to the moment.
For the guys listening to this that are like, “Oh my gosh, I got to take so much time?” It’s like yeah, you need to be empathetic, one of where she’s coming from but I think the thing is over time, we can get into this in a little bit. Once you teach her how to have like full body squirting orgasms, she may crave jumping into sex quicker. But in the beginning particularly of your relationship or if you’re just kind of, you know, you’ve been doing the same sex for a long time, you do need to take your time. I think being predictable is also another thing that a lot of guys get wrong.
So with foreplay, you want to just think of it as building up the fantasy. Foreplay might start where you walk up behind her in the kitchen and be like, “Oh my god, I can’t keep my hands off of you,” and then you kind of like push her away in like kind of a fun flirty way and her mind is like, “What?” She’s starting to kind of get engaged. Then you get in the bedroom and you take your time with her, you kiss all the way down her body, taking your time, not just jumping into ripping off her clothes. You know, take the time to lick the lobe of her ear, all the way down her neck, you know, and all the sensitive spots, all the way down her body so that her mind can start to say, “Wow, this is some sexy context, I’m starting to feel turned on here and I want to – I want some sex.”
You know, her mind – A woman’s mind needs to be completely quiet in order to orgasm and the more time we take to actually get her mind into the fantasy, into the moment, the more likely she is to orgasm and let go. So we take our time, go all the way down her body and with taking your time, it also comes down to, if you’re going to perform oral sex or stimulate her G spot, her A spot, her clitoris, you want to build up anticipation for that. You know, for us guys, I think that’s another counterintuitive thing. It’s like you know, once your genital’s aroused, you’re kind of like, “Dude, touch it.”
Sean Jameson: It’s go time.
Jason Julius: “I’m going to lose my erection here, you know?” I’m kind of like go in for it, I don’t want you kissing around, just go right for the blow job or whatever. But it’s kind of counterintuitive for men because women want you to kind of lick and kiss all the way around the vulva, you know, kind of make her almost just really almost wanting it so badly by the time that you actually do touch her clitoris, right? By the time you lick her there or you touch her with your fingers or, you know, anything she practically should almost be begging for it and want it super bad. Because that builds it up in her mind and once it’s so built up in her mind, she’s so much more engaged into the moment and that could make a huge difference.
Sean Jameson: You make a great point — sorry to talk over you, but you make a great point of making her crave it. It’s almost that you’re teasing her, that you know, maybe you won’t actually go further and you’re going to make her beg a little bit for a little bit more. As opposed to you’re going so fast that she’s asking you, “Whoa, whoa, slow down honey.”
Jason Julius: It really does come back to being empathetic about her needs and how she’s experiencing this differently than you are. You know, I think that that is kind of a big flip in the mind that a lot of guys need to have is that she’s experiencing this her way and you are experiencing it your way. The more you can be empathetic about how she’s experiencing it, how her desire works, how she wants you to build up this fantasy once you understand that, it becomes very easy to live in that world where you’re constantly flirting with her, you’re constantly taking your time and teasing her, you know? You’re not jumping right into things and you understand that that brings her into the moment. You’re not being predictable, you’re thinking ahead of time of all the amazing things that you want to do for her next because you know that for her, that’s going to be very exciting.
So you’re not predictable and the other thing is like, in the bedroom, you need to be decisive, you need to take charge, you know? Like lead her through this situation. If she looks up to you as the sort of the leader of the situation, she’s going to feel comfortable letting herself go.
Sean Jameson: It also helps her to switch off and like you said, let herself go.
Jason Julius: Yeah, exactly. Everything you can do to get her mind so present, so into the fantasy is so key and engaging all of her senses, you know? It does go a long way to maybe have some music, some slow music and some candles lit, you’re engaging her sense of smell, her sense of — her auditory where she can kind of just relax and think about how busy our minds are, you know?
Our minds are just super busy throughout the day. We’re engaging our work, we’re engaged in social media, we’re engaged with what’s going on with our family and women are typically more likely to be kind of caring about what everyone else needs in giving and more giving to what everyone else wants and needs. At the end of the day, it’s hard for her to turn all that off and really be present for herself.
That is just – it’s just a really tough job for anybody and when you put into that equation that her mind is such a big part of her getting to arousal, getting to desire, then you know, you can see how important that really is to get her mind present and you know, there’s lots of other good foreplay things like you know, using like dirty talk. I think a lot of guys can be a little afraid to use dirty talk but that is a verbal way to kind of pull her into the fantasy and make her feel the feelings of arousal.
Sean Jameson: Just on the dirty talk thing, I think a lot of guys and girls, they do want to talk dirty to their partner but often they’re afraid of thinking, “Oh my god, I have to say all these lines and all these things,” and they don’t realize that a moan and a groan, just a couple of four letter words is almost enough for a lot of people to really, I guess, stimulate them auditorily and they don’t have to worry about almost painting this picture with words of, “I’m going to do this and then I’m going to do this and this is how you make me feel.”
You don’t actually need that necessarily. But you may eventually get confident enough that on the fly, you can start saying those things by just taking baby steps and easing yourself into it.
Jason Julius: Right, I think yeah, you’re exactly right. I think sometimes people think they have to jump in and start saying the most dirty of dirty things to their partner. It’s kind of just more about an auditory way to become very uninhibited and pull yourself into the moment. You know, when you’re going down on your partner and you say something like, “Your pussy tastes so good,” that can reassure her that she can relax because a lot of women are very understandably, they could be self-conscious about how they might taste down there and I love doing that with my woman and I love expressing that to her because that reassures her that she can relax that I’m enjoying it and she can just let herself go and that can go a long way just in reassuring her.
But I think that just the auditory release of how you’re feeling in the moment helps you become uninhibited too, you know? If you’re the one who starts, you’re the one guiding the situation and you say, “Oh my god, it feels so good to be inside of you,” and she’s like, “Oh wow.” Then she can start to vocalize how she’s feeling and then that allows her to really be drawn into the fantasy of what’s going on. So dirty talk does not have to be anything crazy, it just is more of an expression of how you you’re experiencing her and when she feels that you’re vocalizing that, then she can feel comfortable letting go to say how she’s feeling about you as well.
A few rules of dirty talk is, you know, avoid using things like, “Your vagina feels so good.” You maybe need to get a little vulgar like, “Your pussy feels so good,” you know? Unless that’s not your comfort zone. But I think there are certain levels where you kind of can use some dirtier language, then you might be comfortable using outside of the bedroom that can be expressive in a way that in the context of being in the bedroom are more fitting to say she’s like, “Oh, your cock is so hard,: you know? It’s just – her saying, “Oh, your penis is so hard.”
Sean Jameson: “You’re clearly erect. There’s a stiffness in your phallus.”
Jason Julius: Yeah, right.
Sean Jameson: I do think it’s okay sometimes, you happen to say something that ridiculous and as long as I think you can giggle about it and not, you know, I guess not take it personally that you’ve messed everything up. I think that goes a long way too.
Jason Julius: There’s no right or wrong way to do anything in the bedroom. I think that that’s – yeah, you bring up such a great point. With dirty talk, I think sometimes there’s some guidelines you tell guys like, maybe you can maybe push yourself a little bit further than you might think you can. Just to kind of give them that little shove but there’s really no right or wrong way with that or even with foreplay, you know, I think there’s some bad ways of doing the same thing every time but there’s really no – You’re not going to screw things up.
I think as long as you’re willing to learn, you’re going to – and you’re willing to tune in to what your partner wants and constantly be looking to change up what you’re doing based on her feedback, I think you’re setting yourself up for endless amounts of amazing sexy context that you can present to her that gets her turned on. You know, you think about how many people are in a long term relationship and the fire is just not there anymore. Often times, there’s just was no effort typically out of not really understanding some of these context of what we’re talking about where a woman experiences differently.
Men can seem so tactical that they – if they have that bit of information, they might be like, “Oh, I would have planned for that if I had known that that’s what I needed to do tactically.” But they assume that she’s going to get turned on the way that they do so they never ever think of it this way, right? So I think for the women listening to this, sometimes you know, you can kind of give your man maybe the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t born with an instruction book on how female desire works either. So once she learns this for herself, I think one of the best things that women can do is really learn what turns them on and they will get turned on so much faster because –
Sean Jameson: And communicate it to their partner.
Jason Julius: Sometimes we’re like, “Well, he should just know.” It’s like no, he can’t just know everything that’s inside of your mind, what you want and vice versa. I know the women in my life, they don’t know what I really like until I express that and communication is so key to that. A lot of women just haven’t really dialed in what really turns them on and that exercise in and of itself, all the way from touching themselves to really understand what kind of touch they like all the way to what really gets them mentally engaged and I’m talking about like, you know, for women who are really orgasmic, they might know that they touch their clitoris in a certain way 20 times and then they switch it up to this and then they think about this. They sometimes have it so dialed in to what really turns them on, it’s because they’ve taken the time to really understand themselves. I think that that can go a long way for women to make that a practice.
Sean Jameson: Speaking of the clitoris, do you have some advice then for guys that want to provide their girl, their partner with clitoral stimulation and with their fingers or even you know, orally. Do you have any advice on that?
Jason Julius: Yeah, absolutely. I think, the clitoris is amazing. It’s the only organ on the human body that’s solely responsible – its only purpose is for sexual pleasure and I think that that’s amazing and I think that guys really should understand that women, when they masturbate typically stimulate their clitoris, whether that be with their hands or with a vibrator and, you know, there’s as many nerve endings if not more in her tiny little clitoris as a man’s entire penis.
Here’s like an amazing area of her body to stimulate. But with that said, that many never endings in one spot, it should be also understood that it’s very sensitive and I think that you want to make sure that you use very gentle touch with her clitoris so that you don’t overstimulate it. I think that that’s one thing that a man has to have the empathy to understand about how a woman experiences pleasure through her clitoris.
One of the best ways I think to stimulate a woman’s clitoris is through oral sex and I would say, with oral sex, you know, you’re working your way down, you’re kind of kissing all the way around as we were talking about it earlier, taking your time to where she knows you’re going in for her clitoris, she knows that you’re going to stimulate her there.
But you’re just taking your time till she’s practically begging for it. She’s just like grabbing your shoulders, you’re licking all the way around her vulva but just when she can’t take it anymore then you go in and you stimulate her clitoris and one really great way to stimulate it with your mouth is to try — I’m trying to think of the best way to articulate this.
I do this in videos, so I’m trying to think how you articulate this in words. But the way you describe how you put your mouth around her clitoris is imagine taking a bite out of an apple and you take a bite and you sink your teeth in and a little bit of the juice starts to kind of run down your chin and you kind of make that face like you’re kind of trying to catch that juice. You’re kind of making that O shape with your mouth.
You want to do that with your mouth and then put your mouth around her clitoris. One of the best metaphors that I found is to think about stimulating it not by flicking your tongue, I think that flicking your tongue can be very annoying, very overwhelming for a lot of women but a lot of men learn poorly that they should flick their tongue really hard on their clitoris because they’ve watched pornography and in pornography, they have to get the shot.
If you were to do what I’m describing here with your mouth over the clitoris, they couldn’t get the camera in to see it. They started this back in like the 70’s and 80’s where the guy would just turn his head and flick his tongue on her clit so that they could see what he’s doing. Because everything in pornography –
Sean Jameson: So it’s visually appealing in porn, is what you’re saying?
Jason Julius: It’s visually appealing.
Sean Jameson: To guys?
Jason Julius: To guys. Yeah, masturbation is typically – the consumer is more men. It’s been more women come into it lately but especially back then it was mainly men. So men got this idea, “Oh I’m going to go down, I’m going to flick my tongue really hard on her clitoris,” and that can be overwhelming and uncomfortable. The best way to do is put your mouth around it and suck on her clitoris, very gently, especially when you start. Just very gently suck on her clitoris.
This is a really weird metaphor but you can kind of think of sucking on it like her clitoris is a small penis, and I know that because I had a YouTube video where I talked about this that some guys are kind of like, “Wait, what? Like a penis?” and the clitoris is actually just the part on a woman that corresponds to the man when there is a baby fetus is in development. It has a phallus and men and women are exactly the same in the womb when we are first developing and then what becomes the penis becomes the clitoris on a woman. So it is the exact same part. It is the female part.
Sean Jameson: It’s just developed differently.
Jason Julius: It’s all shrunken down into that little area. So treating it that way and sucking on it very gently with the understanding that it is very sensitive can be a super amazing feeling to her and as you are doing that you can work in your tongue. You can write the alphabet on there and gently rub across your tongue across it. But you don’t want to slap it with your tongue and this alone is probably one of the best ways to stimulate her. But a lot of women use a vibrator too and so they’re used to that vibrating stimulation.
So another really great way, while you have the clitoris between your lips, is to suck it between your lips and making a humming noise and hum and that humming while it is between your lips will act like a vibrator and that will really increase the sensation that she feels. Again, there are so many nerve endings right there that you can emulate the feeling of a vibrator just by putting it between your lips, sucking on it and humming at the same time and that’s a really awesome way to stimulate her to have a clitoral orgasm.
Sean Jameson: That is incredible. Thanks so much for that. I think a lot of guys and girls can learn a lot from what you just said in how to eat someone out and go down on them and give them oral sex.
So I’d love to talk a little bit about the G-spot and then maybe segue towards making your partner squirt. But first of all, how can people find the G-spot and can you talk a little bit about why some people struggle to find it?
Jason Julius: Sure, yeah absolutely. So women are really capable of two different types of orgasms, right? We’re just talking about stimulating her clitoris. That is how she typically is probably used to stimulating herself during masturbation and that is going to be more of a localized type of an orgasm. Not to discount that. That is amazing. The difficult thing about once you have given her a clitoral orgasm it becomes very sensitive and you can’t go back and stimulate it further to give her multiple orgasms.
Sean Jameson: Sort of like a refractory period that guys have after they ejaculate?
Jason Julius: It kind of is, but it is not so much the prolactin in the brain like the way men experience it. It is just more that it becomes so engorge with blood and so overly sensitive if you go back and you try to keep say doing that sucking and technique that we are talking about, it’s almost going to be painful for her. It’s going to be like, “I don’t want any more of that.” You’re kind of like, “Oh okay, I’d better stop. This is uncomfortable for her.”
The great thing about vaginal orgasms is that women can have multiple and vaginal orgasms come from stimulating typically two different areas, her G-Spot or her A-spot and that is on the inside of her vagina and what I really like about vaginal orgasms and it gives us an opportunity as guys often times give her an orgasm that is something she has never experienced before, something she wasn’t aware of, something that is more of a full body experience and something that can eventually lead to ejaculatory orgasms, which are really, really amazing. But the G-spot is definitely in front and center as one of the main sensitive areas of a woman’s body.
So to find the G-Spot it is relatively simple. It’s best explained if you imagine, this is going to be from a guy’s perspective, if you imagine your woman laying on her back, you are between her legs facing her vagina and you put your hand palm up and you insert your index finger inside of her and you only go in about a knuckle and a half to two knuckles. It is not very far and you reach inside and you press up on the front wall. That would mean that you curl your finger and you press up towards the front wall.
You’re going to find a wrinkled ridge area on the front wall. You think of it as like, if you put your tongue on the back of your teeth and you feel that piece of skin or you can even do this with your thumb. You can actually feel that little ridge that is right there where your front tooth teeth meet the skin inside the roof of your mouth. There is a little ridge right there.
Sean Jameson: I am doing it now, I can feel it.
Jason Julius: Yeah, it’s going to kind of feel similar to that. But here’s the thing, it may not and that’s okay. Some women their G-spot is just like, “Whoa! There’s your G-spot.” Some women it’s like, “I don’t know if I am there.” But that’s because everyone’s genitals come in different shapes and sizes, right? You know some women it will just be very easy to find some may not and the other thing is you may not find it until she is very, very aroused and that is okay as well.
So I think one of the biggest things to avoid when trying to find the G-spot is being concerned about whether or not you found her G-spot. I think the biggest thing to do is watch her reaction to how you are stimulating her. So with her in that position on her back with your finger inside of her and you’re about two knuckles in, you’re going up, you’re curling your finger, you’re on the front wall of her vagina, you’re looking around. Maybe you find her g-spot, maybe you don’t?
What you need to do is you need to do a come here type motion and glide your finger on that front wall of her vagina and whether or not you’ve found the spot or not, you watch her body and how she reacts and kind of move your finger around and watch. She’ll start to tense up or you’ll see it in her body. She might come in the right spot.
Sean Jameson: She kind of inhale short breaths?
Jason Julius: Yeah, you need to be really good at her non-verbal communication and if you’ve talked about this with her she might say, “Yes or no.” But a lot of women don’t even know where their own G-spot is either. So it is best to just doing that come here motion for a little while and it may not even be that obvious for five minutes but just keep doing that come here motion and eventually her vaginal wall will start to swell up and the G-spot will become more pronounced.
But again, I never get caught up on “Am I on the G-spot?” I’m just like, “I am stimulating this area and I am watching her and I am trying to figure out what she likes best.” Because where I think the G-spot should be, sometimes it’s further back, sometimes it’s closer. Sometimes I don’t even find is that the actual ridged area but it’s what she likes. It really is about what she likes but it is on the front wall and that area is all sensitive all the way back. All the way from where you first insert your finger all the way back to her cervix that whole area is very sensitive and so I’d say don’t get concerned about whether or not you are actually on her G-spot.
Just be concerned that her whole front wall is extremely sensitive and if you go in there with just one finger and do that come here motion and watch how she reacts, practice going all the way back and all the way forward because all the way back, all the way just before her cervix is her A spot and that is the vaginal fornix, which is actually like the muscles that contract during an orgasm and so you’re going to get a reaction when you get all the way back there, you’re going to get a reaction about two knuckles in and I think that’s one of the things I want to make clear. It’s like some women think, “I don’t have a G-spot.” Don’t be concerned about your G-spot. Just be concerned that the front wall is very sensitive and figure out what works for you.
Sean Jameson: I think so and it goes without saying as well to guys who aren’t that experienced and maybe some of our female listeners as well is that you should always make sure your nails are both trimmed and filed. But also don’t just cut them. Make sure you file them down. Make sure there’s no sharp edges. But also make sure that your fingers is lubricated either with your partner’s own natural lubrication from her vagina or that you actually just use a lube. Have one close by, otherwise your partner is going to be in for a world of pain, which isn’t so good.
Jason Julius: Right, you bring up great points. You know some guys are going to run into the obstacle of their women being like, “I don’t like your fingers inside of me, and the main reason is is that your hands are too rough.” Men might have all kinds of chaos going on in their hands that are not very well maintained and they might be very rough. Yeah, you’re right the nails may not be cut. They need to be cut very short.
I learned to play the guitar when I was younger and my guitar teacher would just get on me about keeping my nails really, really short because you can’t fret the strings as easily and so I’ve always been really concerned about keeping my nails very short and that served in those cases because even if your nails have grown out a little bit that come here motion is going to scrape on a very sensitive part of her body and she’s going to be like, “I don’t like your fingers inside of me. I don’t like this feeling.”
And lubricant is definitely important as well because you might be going a long time doing this and some guys will be like, “How long will it take her to orgasm?” and I guess the simple answer to that is it could take up to a half an hour and you never want to stimulate her past half an hour. That is a very long time to stimulate her. If she is not orgasming by then you might just come back later and try it again. She’ll be highly aroused.
You know the other half of getting her to orgasm is the mental side. So she might be super highly aroused, she may just be not letting go. You don’t want to keep stimulating her. It feels good but she is not letting go because she will be sore the next day and you’re right, you definitely need some lubricant, yeah.
Sean Jameson: And also I think guys, some guys just have this I don’t know, is it ego or what it is but they feel that, “Oh I don’t want to use lube because if she can’t, like I don’t want to feel like a failure so I have to make her super wet and I can’t use lube because then I’m a failure.” I mean, that’s ridiculous. If you’re a guy listening and that’s how you feel. All I can say is you have to get over yourself. There is nothing wrong with using lube.
Some women get incredibly wet incredibly easily and then other women don’t. Other women struggle with it and especially any women, for our slightly older listeners, if you are dealing with menopause or you’re post-menopausal, you’re going to have a lot of woman really do struggle at that stage to stay wet and using lube is a must.
Jason Julius: Exactly. I think my favorite is grape seed oil. It is really simple, it’s cheap. It makes a great massage oil. It is not good for condoms. So if you are using condoms don’t use any oil based lubricant but there’s a lot of great lubes out there. But you are right and women shouldn’t feel that they should have to produce enough lubricant or have the pressure on themselves because everyone is different. Some woman lubricate more than others.
I think the idea here is just to make sure that there is no soreness the next day because everything feels good the day of and I’ve ran into this a number of times where yes, I am stimulating my girlfriend. She can’t get enough, she’s having all these orgasms. I didn’t take the time to actually use lubricant and the next day she’s like, “Oh my god I am so sore. I don’t think I am going to have sex for three days.” You know just because of so much friction on the front wall of her vagina that she enjoyed the experience but in the aftermath of it, you’re left with her being sore and you’re kind of like, “Oh wow, I guess we should have used some lubricant.” So you don’t want that regret.
Sean Jameson: Absolutely. So let’s say going from stimulating your G-spot, stimulating the front wall of her vagina, how can a guy make his female partner squirt or help her to experience female ejaculation?
Jason Julius: Right, so I think being in those two positions, the G-spot or the A-spot are the two main areas to stimulate her to get her to squirt. All women are capable of full body ejaculatory orgasms and this ejaculate is built up in the Skene’s gland, the female prostate and so that female prostate is actually along the front wall. So you’ll actually start to feel it swell up.
But the ejaculate that we’re talking about just to be clear comes out of her urethra, which is her pee hole and so it comes out just like a man ejaculates and there’s been studies on it where they found that it is just prosthetic fluid just like what would come out of the male prostrate. It is very natural, it is not pee but sometimes women experience the feeling just before to feel like they need to pee.
Sean Jameson: Naturally, because it comes out the same tube.
Jason Julius: Yeah, it comes out the same place. So you are going to run into a lot of resistance for her letting go but we’ll get to that in a second. But the two areas you want to stimulate are her G-spot or her A-spot and again, I feel like it is not really about getting caught up in, “Am I on her G-spot or her A-spot?” Again, her A-spot is the rim that goes all the way around her cervix is really sensitive. You don’t want to touch her cervix because that can be uncomfortable if you are poking and prodding in her cervix.
Her cervix, for guys who don’t know, is if you put your finger all the way inside of her or your penis, it feels like the tip of a nose. It feels like a hard cartilage and you don’t really want to be poking and prodding at that but that rim that is all the way around there and particularly the front wall that’s just before it is extremely sensitive and that is why I was saying earlier, don’t get caught up on whether or not you’re on her G-spot or her A-spot. Stimulating her front wall with a simple come here motion is a very great way to just get to know where exactly she responds and watch how she responds.
But as she starts to build up towards that orgasm, you are going to feel that front wall of her vagina begin to swell up. It is going to begin to balloon out and for women who are highly ejaculatory, it will balloon up really fast and it will actually push your fingers out of her right before she ejaculates. So it will be very obvious when she’s going to ejaculate. But for women who have never ejaculated, again a lot of women have never had a vaginal orgasm. So sometimes our goal is to first to give her a vaginal orgasm to get her to let go and have this amazing full body experience before she even gets to the point of letting go.
But once you’ve gotten her there, you’ve gotten her to have that orgasm then you can help her let go and that’s where I say like women will experience the feeling of needing to pee. So a lot of times they’ll hold back and they’ll experience about half the orgasm because they’re like, “Oh my god I don’t want to wet the bed,” and understandably so. That can be a very huge mental block and so I think it goes a long way for a guy to help his female partner understand that when she’s at that point that you’ll feel the vaginal wall swell up around your fingers and see her orgasm if you don’t see the ejaculate come out.
You can ask her if she needs to pee afterwards, often times they almost run to the bathroom because they have to pee because it is like a retrograded ejaculation. It goes back up to the bladder instead of coming out and at that point, from a guy’s perspective, you can just remind her that, “Hey, I love that you have that awesome orgasm. During that time I want you to just push out, I want you to just let go,” and you might find some resistance because she might think that’s dirty or she might pee on you. But it goes a long way to help her understand that that is ejaculatory fluid that’s wanting to come out and it is very, very natural and every woman can squirt, just a lot of them are afraid to and once they’re able to let go, then they can experience an orgasm that’s so much bigger and so much more explosive than if they were to hold back and kind of clamp off their PC muscle.
Sean Jameson: That’s awesome. That’s really great Jason and then I am just wondering one question on that that I actually personally get emailed a lot about is, anyone can search on any porn site squirting orgasm and you’ll see a video or videos of women that seemed to have water pistols coming out between their legs and shooting fluid across the room. Is that what happens every single time when someone has a squirting orgasm or is there sort of a whole host of different things that can happen?
Jason Julius: I think it’s more the whole host of things that can happen. I think the big thing to watch out for when you actually try to watch porn and try to associate that to reality is context. Realize that these people are actors, they’re being paid. If she doesn’t squirt, she’s not getting paid. She gets paid a certain amount because she can squirt. There’s been many cases where the ejaculate is not even real. Sometimes you’ll actually watch it and it’s actually just coming out of her vaginal canal not her actual urethra.
I think there is more and more real squirting in pornography and also, keep in context just the way that they pick the men with the 0.1% biggest penises, they also pick the women who can have the most crazy ejaculatory squirting orgasms. So context is really key, right? But what you actually will see sometimes is just – and a lot of times in the beginning maybe just a small trickle. Sometimes it might be more like if you imagine the pulses of ejaculation when a man ejaculates, often times you will see that out of the woman.
To be clear, it is usually a clear fluid and so sometimes it can be misconstrued as urine but it’s not and some women just absolutely gush a lot and soak you and soak the bed and then that might to some people be like, “Oh my god I don’t want to soak the bed,” and I think that there’s plenty of things you can do. It is like a quality problem they have where if you are concerned about you’re soaking the bed too much, you’re ahead of a lot of women or a lot of couples where you’re –
Sean Jameson: You’ve got your body dialed in.
Jason Julius: Yeah, you know there’s blankets for that. There’s blankets that make for easy clean up so don’t allow that to create any sort of mental block that we’re going to soak the bed and make a mess. It is the most beautiful thing in the world when a woman is on top of you and she ejaculates and it comes out on top of you. I don’t know, as a man I think there is almost nothing more gratifying than knowing that she’s experiencing the fullness of her orgasmic ability right there while you’re inside of her.
Often times you are not inside of her because it’s another thing too when you’re having sex and she’s about to ejaculate. You’ll feel her vaginal wall come down so quick and hard that it will actually push you out of her and then she’ll explode and then a few seconds later you can re-enter her and keep going and as I was mentioning earlier, the amazing thing about vaginal orgasms is she can have one after another, after another and she can squirt many times in a night and that can be really fulfilling. From a guy’s perspective and from having the empathy of wanting her to have the best experience, it can really be amazing.
Sean Jameson: Awesome. So you talk a little bit about how guys need to understand that if they’re stimulating her vagina for 30 minutes or maybe an hour longer that they’re going to go from the point of providing her with pleasure to actually possibly providing her with a bit of pain and soreness.
So I am wondering, for the guys that are listening that deal with delayed ejaculation, so sort of the opposite to pre-mature ejaculation, is there any advice you have for couples, for guys to deal with that to have some control over how long they last and not last so long, I guess?
Jason Julius: Yes, you actually bring up an interesting point. You are talking about guys who have a difficult time ejaculating during sex.
Sean Jameson: Yeah so it’s sort of like a guy who thinks he’s a hero the first time he has sex with this problem and he’s like, “Oh my gosh! I’m some sort of genius.” But he doesn’t realize perhaps that his partner, after a certain amount of time, she may start feeling it as painful penetration. But additionally, she may feel that she’s sort of like a failure that she hasn’t – which is a sad attitude to have that she hasn’t fulfilled her part of the deal, which is ridiculous.
Jason Julius: I know exactly what you are talking about and first of all ladies, it is not your fault. It is a byproduct of our modern world and I find myself, having done this for over a decade, this was never something 10 years ago that I heard that much about. But I have a huge part of my group of guys, you know my YouTube channel and my newsletter who are constantly writing in things that they’re having a hard time ejaculating and you’re starting to see more about this in mainstream culture and I was listening to a podcast with I think it was Tim Ferriss was interviewing a prostitute from Nevada, she was like the number one –
Sean Jameson: Yeah, a sex worker called Alice Little.
Jason Julius: Yeah.
Sean Jameson: Who coincidentally, I am actually – I think I am interviewing her on Monday.
Jason Julius: Oh awesome! Well ask her, yeah she can probably explain it from a woman’s perspective way more. But she mentioned that this is even become a problem in her industry that men have a difficult time ejaculating particularly probably with a condom on because you can’t feel as much and a lot of it comes down to conditioning and de-synthesizing yourself. Because never in human history we’ve confronted a time where we have accessibility to pornography and so much choice and option.
Now I never want to say, like masturbation is – you know masturbation is very healthy. I don’t want to put any false beliefs in anyone’s head, but we’ve come to a point where you can just switch from scene to scene to scene of the most extreme pornography that you could ever imagine and men can condition themselves with the tight grip of their hand or any number of different sex toys that don’t feel the same as sex and what the brain does is it just put new grooves in the brain, right?
So imagine like a ski slope going down, there’s fresh powder and then people go over the same grooves over and over. Eventually you kind of have to follow those grooves. That’s the way the brain works and what you’ve done over and over and over again is what your brain requires, right? And so men who watch even a fair amount of pornography and then they masturbate and ejaculate using their hand often times condition themselves unknowingly in a poor way that requires too much mental stimulation and a different type of physical stimulation and so the best thing that – this is why I brought up that podcast is she said that men should actually all own a fleshlight. I think it was like the fleshlight with the least amount of like the grooves and different stimulators inside.
It was like the most plain one that you can get because it more simulates the inside of a vagina and if you are going to masturbate, masturbate with that and I don’t remember if she talked much about pornography but from my perspective, I think that men need a vacation from pornography because the mental side of things, it’s just too much. You can switch between so many different scenes and that’s not realistic to what sex is like in the actual bedroom. You know, I think we just live in this modern time where we have to really be conscious of this and women sometimes have the same thing with their vibrator. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a vibrator.
However, too much reliance upon that intensive stimulation, I talked about that sucking technique earlier but it can’t quite get to the level of like an ultra-fast vibration of a vibrator and that type of stimulation. Sometimes a vacation from the vibrator will allow a woman to become more sensitive to vaginal stimulation. I think it kind of goes for both sexes that we need to just be cautious about what we do when we’re stimulating ourselves so that we’re not over stimulating ourselves to the point where actual sex itself just doesn’t feel as good.
Sean Jameson: I think that’s a great point. I get emailed about it a lot and one of the pieces of advice I give, I get emailed by female readers of the site and the piece of advice I give is just ask your man to stop watching porn and stop masturbating for two weeks or at least a month and you’ll notice that he actually wants to have sex a whole lot more but also that he’s a lot more sensitive.
Because I think you end up becoming as a guy, I think you sort of become the LeBron James of getting yourself off, which is very different to how your partner would do it. So I think they don’t kind of know your grooves, as you said yourself. What about then in the opposite situation when a guy suffers from premature ejaculation? Is there anything he can do to last longer?
Jason Julius: Number one thing is to exercise your PC muscle and that brings up another good point, this relates to both men and women for the women who want to learn how to squirt, there’s nothing more important than strengthening your PC muscles. Men and women, one of the best things they can do for their sexual health is strengthening their PC muscle. Because a strong PC muscle is very important for women to be able to experience ejaculatory orgasms and that is something you know, as guys we can recommend to our woman.
But for women who just take charge and do that for themselves, they experience way more intense orgasms and actually feel tighter to their partner. For men doing PC muscle exercises, allows them to last longer in a counterintuitive way to where most guys have a very weak PC muscle because, as you were saying, there’s two different sides to this. A lot of men have premature ejaculation but then now there’s this new problem of men not being able to ejaculate.
The men who have premature ejaculation often times, when they’re masturbating, they do it as quickly as possible because they’re just trying to get the deed done. But what that does is it puts that in of itself is poor conditioning because it conditions your physiology and your mind to just ejaculate as fast as possible. So those grooves, the ski slope I was talking about earlier, your mind has the grooves to just ejaculate very quickly.
But when you strengthen your PC muscle, one of the great things about doing that is first of all, by ejaculating quickly, you weaken it. You have to do the exercises to actually strengthen it but when you’re actually having sex, you have to relax your PC muscle to be able to last and to be able to control your ejaculation. But if it’s weak, you can’t actually relax it, you actually have to have a strong PC muscle in order to be able to relax it. It’s kind of like – I guess maybe counter intuitive. Like you know, a lot of guys are like, “I’m strengthening this thing, what do I do, squeeze down before I need to ejaculate?” and the actual answer is no, you need to actually relax your PC muscle but you can’t do that until you actually strengthen it.
Sean Jameson: Awesome. Jason, this has been fantastic having you on the show. I’m just wondering where can people find you and maybe, could you tell people a little bit about your infamous instructional video for guys to learn how to help their partner experience female ejaculation?
Jason Julius: Yeah, like I said, I’ve been doing this for over 10 years and one of the best resources that I’ve put out there is on my site, orgasmarts.com where I have a video tutorial that shows how to stimulate a woman’s G-spot and give her a squirting orgasm. All my stuff is non pornographic. There’s no nudity, it’s all educational and that’s one of the things that I feel like I’ve been able to reach a larger audience because there’s people don’t necessarily feel like they’re on a pornographic site, they feel like they were actually learning.
I think that that means a lot to a lot of people and I do have a YouTube channel also. If you look on YouTube for Jason Julius, I have a YouTube channel as well.
Sean Jameson: Awesome. I’ll include those two links to your site and to your YouTube channel in the show notes. Jason, thank you.
Jason Julius: Awesome, yeah, thanks man.
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