Today on the podcast we are joined by a very special guest, none other than Alice Little from the Bunny Ranch and the Wing Woman Podcast. Alice is one of the most prominent sex workers in America and she is here to give our listeners expert advice and all round insider scoop on great sex and easy tips for increased pleasure and intimacy. In our discussion we cover Alice’s personal history and thoughts on sex work and perceptions around the subject.
Quick Warning: While this tutorial video is quite distressing, it will teach you how to make your man scream with pleasure and become sexually addicted to you. If you are interested in having your guy completely obsessed with you and only you, then check out the detailed (& explicit!) blow job tutorial video here.
From there we cover dirty talk, orgasms, oral sex, BDSM and a lot more. Alice also gives some practical advice for body positivity and managing a partner of a different height in the bedroom. For all this amazing information and more from a truly wonderful ambassador for better sex, join us for today’s episode!
- How Alice found herself at The Bunny Ranch.
- Why do people visit sex workers?
- Some of the common misconceptions around sex work.
- Alice’s advice for those listeners wanting to work on their dirty talk.
- Closing the orgasm gap and finding ways to share pleasure.
- Alice’s advice to listener’s wanting to improve their fellatio skills.
- The reciprocal advice for cunnilingus.
- How to go about getting more acquainted with BDSM and sensation play.
- Use of safe words and aftercare and why they are so important.
- Clearly defining the BDSM acronym.
- Some of Alice’s tips for overcoming height difference between partners.
- Getting over self doubt and getting on top of your partner.
- And much more!
“I believe so strongly in the good that legal sex workers can do for society and I believe so much so that it’s the perfect job for me that I plan to continue to do so.” — @TheAliceLittle [0:05:27.3]
“If you can’t talk about sex and intimacy outside of the bedroom, you’re never going to get to the point where you can express yourself openly and comfortably while actually in the bedroom.” — @TheAliceLittle [0:06:51.9]
“It’s the biggest sexual mistake that America is making right now, we’re failing to ask what our partner actually likes.” — @TheAliceLittle [0:10:26.9]
Resources, extended show notes and Alice’s details can be accessed by clicking here.
Subscribe For The Latest Episodes
[0:01:22.3] Sean Jameson: Today on the show, I’m talking to Alice Little. Alice is a sex entrepreneur and relationship expert and is currently the most successful legal sex worker in the United States. At only four foot eight inches tall, she is also the tiniest licensed prostitute at Dennis Hof’s world famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch near Reno, Nevada.
Alice, thanks so much for coming in the show.
[0:01:44.6] Alice Little: Thank you so much for having me, we’re going to have a great conversation today.
[0:01:49.4] Sean Jameson: Absolutely. I’d love to start off with a little bit about you and your background and maybe even how you became a sex worker, if that’s okay.
[0:01:58.9] Alice Little: Of course. Well, it’s important to note that sex worker is kind of a broad, umbrella term. I was a sex worker long before I ever actually worked at the Bunny Ranch. You see, I’ve been teaching and traveling around the country as a BDSM educator ever since I was 18 years old. One of my former college roommates happened to be in the lifestyle and invited me along with him to a dungeon space.
Turns out, that they were looking to hire somebody to work at the front desk, I applied and got the position. Soon after that, I took up an interest in kink and BDSM. Started to learn more and more about it and eventually was asked to start teaching my own courses. Through there, I met someone that was also working at the Bunny Ranch. She thought it might be a good fit, invited me on out and I gave it a try.
[0:02:56.2] Sean Jameson: Awesome. Sounds like you love it.
[0:03:00.0] Alice Little: It was supposed to be a two week tour and by day number four, I was convinced that I was moving to Nevada and I did.
[0:03:09.1] Sean Jameson: Awesome. Why do people visit sex workers?
[0:03:14.0] Alice Little: My goodness, what a great question and there’s so many different answers to that because it truly is personal. People visit sex workers to get needs met, to accomplish a sexual goal or fantasy, to explore or understand a different facet of themselves, to figure out something that they can do to better communicate with their partner and work on a life skill.
There’s literally countless reasons as to why someone would choose to see a sex worker and they’re all perfectly valid reasons. There’s no one reason let’s say, better than others. You want to have your first threesome, fantastic, the brothels are an excellent place to make that happen. Are you nervous and never had an experience ever and are a complete virgin, still, we can make something amazing happening, give you the most perfect first time.
[0:04:10.7] Sean Jameson: Awesome. There’s a lot of misinformation and misconceptions out there on sex workers and I’m wondering if there’s any common ones you’ve dealt with.
[0:04:22.6] Alice Little: Sex worker stigma is so real. There are so many awful tropes that come about whenever we talk about sex work. The biggest trope that I seem to run into is this misconception that someone would only choose this industry as the last resort. That there must be some desperation and that nobody would willingly choose to work as a sex worker. The reality is, I’ve gotten a job offer, a very handsome six figure offering from a Fortune 500 company trying to hire me away from the ranches to instead, manage their social media profiles. I turned them down.
I love my job and it’s certainly isn’t the last resort. I have an education that allows me to get a career in many different fields and yet I continue to choose this one. It’s because I believe so strongly in the good that legal sex workers can do for society and I believe so much so that it’s the perfect job for me that I plan to continue to do so.
[0:05:35.8] Sean Jameson: Awesome. I’ve got a bunch of advice questions for you and I’m going to start off with the first which is the lot of our female readers and listeners, they email about getting the courage and confidence to talk dirty to their partner and I’m just wondering, do you have any advice that you can give them to do it confidently or to start and be confident doing it?
[0:06:02.5] Alice Little: Yes, it’s definitely a struggle to be more vocal in the bedroom without feeling completely and utterly ridiculous. Unfortunately, the main role model that we have for sex in society is porn. Unfortunately, porn isn’t exactly a great role model as far as what vocalizations in the bedroom should really look like. Porn tends to over dramatize things. No one’s saying, “Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah,” back and forth five or six times. That’s not what it looks like.
My first piece of advice when it comes to talking and being more vocal in the bedroom is to actually start outside of the bedroom. If you can’t talk about sex and intimacy outside of the bedroom, you’re never going to get to the point where you can express yourself openly and comfortably while actually in the bedroom. It’s a good opportunity to start to identify the types of dirty talk you like. I always recommend by starting with descriptive language.
Imagine telling your partner what it is that you enjoy and why you enjoy that. Touch me there, because I’m so sensitive right now and you’re just driving me crazy. That’s a lot more efficacious and descriptive than, “Oh yeah, just like that!” You can really lean into being expressive when it comes to dirty talk and it doesn’t have to all be raunchy. You can kind of ask yourself questions almost.
How do I like to be kissed? How do I want to be touched? What turns me on? What’s my partner doing that I already really like and what are they not doing that I want them to? Then use dirty talk as a way to communicate those things. It’s really all about feeling comfortable talking about your likes as well as your dislikes.
Because you figure the true heart of dirty talk in the bedroom is just talking about sex itself. It doesn’t have to be an overdramatized version of it or anything. Crazy and loud and ruckus and it can be way more low key, way more relaxed and way more comfortable. I find that if someone’s concerned about their dirty talk, the best place is to start from a standpoint of realism.
What is it that you actually want to communicate to your partner? All right, well, think about how you want to communicate that in that moment and then once you’re there, start exploring it.
[0:08:41.6] Sean Jameson: That’s awesome. You make that sound so much easier than what I think a lot of people think and they believe from having watched porn that they almost got to kind of big themselves up and get ready for a crazy show. When it can just be actually quite straight forward or maybe something your partner’s already doing.
[0:09:01.8] Alice Little: Yes, that’s because in our culture, we have this awful habit of being comparative around sex. We compare our bodies, we compare our penises, we compare our sex frequency to other people and use that as a basis to judge ourselves by. Which is so unfortunate because if you’re comparing yourself to somebody else, you have no ability to embrace yourself and who you genuinely are as a fully actualized sexual being.
No, don’t compare yourself to Ron Jeremy, the porn star, you don’t need to be that, there’s absolutely no reason –
[0:09:42.4] Sean Jameson: You don’t need a mustache like that perfect mustache he has.
[0:09:47.2] Alice Little: No, I mean, it’s a very glorious mustache but it’s not necessary. The reality is, what you have is absolutely perfect. It’s a matter of working with what you have rather than chasing and envying things that you don’t.
[0:10:02.7] Sean Jameson: Even I think sometimes, just talking and communicating with your partner because you might find out that talking dirty and being vocal in bed isn’t actually necessary. It can be very nice, a lot of people enjoy it. I think often, people, like you said, they compare themselves to other people and they think I have to do this and 50 other things without actually asking and talking to their partner about it.
[0:10:26.9] Alice Little: It’s the biggest sexual mistake that America is making right now, we’re failing to ask what our partner actually likes. In almost any sex question at all, what’s the best position for her pleasure? Why do women like doggy more than something else? In any scenario, the question can almost always be answered with, well, have you tried asking your partner?
Well, maybe ask your partner. Have you talked to your partner about that? What are your partner’s thoughts? Have you asked them what they like? In almost any scenario, it is never the wrong answer to talk to your partner. Ask your partner, find out what they like, what they want, what they need and that openness of communication is really the golden key to solving most sexual problems.
If you’ve got that phrase in your toolbox, “Well honey, describe to me what you like.” You’re going to be so much more sexually successful that if you’re dancing around the question and asking everything but that.
[0:11:34.9] Sean Jameson: That’s fantastic. The orgasm gap is this phenomenon where during intercourse between 85 and 95% of men orgasm and you know, get to climax and then about and I hope I’m remembering this correct, between 25 and 40% of women climax during sex. There’s this huge gap between each partner on the kind of orgasm scale and it’s just a very serious issue for many women.
I’m wondering if you have any advice for what female listeners can do, whether they’re alone or they’re with their partner to close the orgasm gap and then climax and orgasm more frequently during sex and you know, during masturbation, when they’re alone.
[0:12:19.8] Alice Little: I think the first key to that puzzle is to identify why is there an orgasm gap in the first place? When we look at the arousal cycle of differences between men and women we find that men can achieve full arousal in as little as two minutes. Women on the other hand, our bodies are built like an old truck.
We take 10 to 15 minutes to kind of warm up and get the engine started and revving. Until that happens, we’re nowhere near ready to orgasm, climax, because we’re not even fully aroused and engaged yet. It takes a little bit longer, it’s something that is really important to talk about as to why the difference is there because if we identify why there’s a difference, we can start taking the appropriate steps.
The first one of course being very obvious. If it takes a gentleman two minutes to become fully aroused and a female 10 to 15 minutes to become fully aroused, how do we make up for that difference? Well, slow it down. Sex needs to stop being this goal oriented activity. It’s not. Sex is about enjoying yourself and helping your partner enjoy themselves. If you kind of slow things down and put yourself into a really calm, relaxed state where you’re exploring and enjoying foreplay, you’re going to give your partner the opportunity to reach that peak of arousal cycle so it becomes possible for them to orgasm.
We also need to talk about a really important statistic. I want to say it was published back in 2017 in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. Something like only 8% of women actually orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. We need to talk about the fact that penetrative sex just doesn’t do it for the vast majority of women and so if you’re concerned that you can’t climax just from penetrative sex, you’re not alone.
You’re actually there with the majority. If penetrative sex isn’t doing it enough, you need to start exploring other forms of stimulation. There is vibrators and digital stimulation for the clit which can be incredibly helpful for closing that orgasm gap. Most women find that clitoral orgasm is by far the easiest type of orgasm for them to achieve.
Either solo or with a partner. By exploring your body when you’re solo, you can better describe to your partner the steps that they need to take to turn your body on in such a way that you do get to have that orgasm too.
There is this hilarious joke that exist in the brothel world that women come first in the brothels, literally and figuratively. But it’s a very valid rule though. In the sex world, women generally speaking are multi-orgasmic. As a result, this means you can quite literally put her needs first and let her have an orgasm even before you make your way to penetrative sex. This could look like oral sex, a combination of using your fingers and your mouth, introducing a vibrator, whatever stimulation so turns her on the most. You can do that to help close the gap and let her know that her pleasure is important too.
Ladies, your pleasure is important regardless if you’re with a partner or not. We have this myth that women don’t touch themselves. We know that guys do it because it’s talked about on TV, in the media, men are allowed to masturbate. But we don’t talk about female masturbation and it’s important that we recognize that female masturbation is totally normal, totally healthy and something that you should absolutely be comfortable with doing.
It’s a part of the natural human sexuality to explore ourselves, to give ourselves pleasure. Because when we understand ourselves and how to turn ourselves on, we can better communicate that to our partners and like we mentioned earlier, communication is key to really closing that orgasm gap.
[0:17:03.3] Sean Jameson: Absolutely. I think, you know, it’s a great way to explore what you said at the end, it’s a great way to explore what actually turns you on, what you enjoy and also what you don’t enjoy so you can let your partner know what you like and what you don’t like.
Going in a slightly different direction. I’m wondering if you have any advice, tips or techniques or even maybe kind of passed stories for women who want to give their man like the perfect, best oral sex ever?
[0:17:36.8] Alice Little: What an awesome gift to give to someone. Oral sex is just such an enjoyable act and it’s so intimate too. There are definitely a few tips and tricks that I have up my sleeve that everybody can put into practice that will really make a huge difference.
[0:17:56.4] Sean Jameson: I’m looking forward to this.
[0:17:58.1] Alice Little: The first tip is the night before, believe it or not, you can actually plan out what you’re going to do in advance so this way, you can enhance the experience. Especially during the winter months, chapped lips are going to be a thing. Your lips are going to be rough, they’re going to be dry, they’re going to be chapped.
If you’re thinking about spoiling your partner with oral sex, start preparing a few days in advance with a little bit of lip balm, get yourself one of those nice little lip sleeping masks that they now have all over the internet, all over Sephora and Ulta. If you get one of those little lip sleeping masks, you can get a little bit more moisture back into your lips so the texture is nice, soft and pleasant. It’s a huge factor in someone’s satisfaction during oral sex, the texture and the softness of your lips.
If you can avoid chapped lips, you’re going to be setting yourself up for success. When it comes to actually engaging in oral sex, a lot of the lead up to jumping into oral sex is important. You can start by giving your partner eye contact and flirting with them, slowly undressing them, start by undoing their belt buckle and then sliding their pants down nice and slowly. Looking up at them and kind of licking your lips and teasing them a little bit.
That foreplay leading up to the action makes whatever it is that you do, 10 times more intense, the intention behind your action absolutely factors into play when it comes to giving someone an amazing unforgettable oral sex experience. Then, when it comes to the actual blowjob, the first thing to keep in mind is be careful with the teeth. A little bit of teeth and nibbling can be okay if somebody enjoys that but if they don’t, definitely avoid it. A way to think about it is the skin is very soft and sensitive and you don’t want to damage it by being too rough or going too hard.
[0:20:19.0] Alice Little: Awesome.
[0:20:20.5] Sean Jameson: As far as other techniques go, it’s very important to slowly but surely build on your blowjob. It can start with like kissing and sucking, maybe a little bit of licking at first and then you increase the speed. You don’t just jump right into full throttle intensity, it’s all about a more metered, slow approach. This way, your partner’s arousal can build and build and build and build. As it builds, you’re going to continue to increase the speed, increase the intensity, increase a little bit of the friction and power.
That’s going to end up paying off tremendously when it comes to his orgasm. Trust me, he will very much appreciate it.
[0:21:10.5] Alice Little: That’s fantastic.
[0:21:11.1] Sean Jameson: Thanks so much for sharing that.
[0:21:14.9] Alice Little: You are so welcome.
[0:21:15.8] Sean Jameson: I’m wondering in the sort of opposite situation for a man listening or maybe for a female listener who is going to go down and perform oral sex on their female partner. Do you have any advice for them?
[0:21:29.7] Alice Little: Absolutely. The advice is very much so similar. It starts by making sure that you don’t have chapped lips, it really is important and makes a huge difference. Then, you start slowly, tease your way down, just don’t go right for the clit. Instead, think of that as the X marks the spot. When you have to go through the whole treasure map first.
You might start at somebody’s collar bone and start by kissing slowly down their torso, down to the nipple where you sit and tease that for a little bit. Then you continue down and you kiss and nibble on their hip before working your way over to their navel and then down, slowly but surely. Taking your time like that, allows your partner to become more and more aroused and more engaged in it. By the time that you actually reach your destination of the clitoris, your partner’s very aroused and very interested in what’s happening.
When it comes to going down on ladies, it can be a really helpful tip to take a pillow, fold it in half and put it underneath her hips. This is going to raise her hips up a little bit so this way, if she’s on her back, you’re not going to strain your neck trying to reach everything nearly as much. It sets everything into a slightly better position so this way, you’ve got full access to really be able to get in there and please her appropriately.
Much like with the blowjob, going down on the lady is all about slowly but surely adding and increasing these sensations. It might start with licking across the various structures of her body. Exploring one side and then exploring the other side and then maybe you wet one of your fingers and slide that in and then you maybe start teasing her G-spot and then you start by licking her clit slowly but surely and maybe you introduce a second finger and you just keep building the sensation until she eventually reaches climax.
Any time you’re in doubt or you feel like you’re stuck and you don’t know what to do next, go back to the golden rule, ask your partner what they like. “Baby, tell me what you would like, tell me what would feel great right now? What could I be doing better for you in this moment?” It’s always okay, always okay no matter where you are beginning, middle or end of the sexual experience to ask and receive feedback.
[0:24:09.4] Sean Jameson: Absolutely. I was actually going to say that for both when someone is performing a blowjob or going down and performing oral sex, cunnilingus on their partner is to get feedback either in the moment or even afterwards or beforehand and you can figure out, you can basically write yourself a little bible on what works and what doesn’t. It’s sort of like a cheat sheet if you will.
[0:24:33.4] Alice Little: It’s all about knowing your partner better and better and let’s be real here, we’re not mind readers. We’re not Professor X who’s going to break into your partner’s head and suddenly know all their deepest fantasies. You’ve got to use your words in order to discover that.
[0:24:50.3] Sean Jameson: Yep, so many couples want to try different aspects of BDSM but they often don’t know where to start especially if they’ve read something like 50 Shades of Grey. They may even have gotten a sort of distorted view of BDSM and they may think they need to jump straight to whips and chains and crazy scenes and scenarios. But surely, there’s a gentler progression that they can take and I am wondering if you have any advice to couples listening that want to try BDSM and they just don’t know where to start.
[0:25:24.6] Alice Little: For those listening that are interested in beginning their BDSM journey, congratulations, welcome to the dark side! We have cookies, it’s awesome. Their first thing to know is that you are not alone. There are tens of thousands of other people in your country, in your state, in your area that also are interested in the same things as you are. The very first place to start if you’re interested in kink and BDSM is to join a fetish based website. There’s one that I like in particular called FetLife, fetlife.com.
[0:26:09.6] Sean Jameson: I’ll add that to the shownotes.
[0:26:11.8] Alice Little: Yep, think of it like Facebook but for kinky people. They also have an event section. In the event section they will have different meet ups in your local area called Munches which are social gatherings of other people that share this interest. Connecting with somebody in person that shares the same interest that you do is an amazing first step because they often times will have access and resources that they will be able to pass along to you.
Often times, there will be local classes in your local community on different kink topics. Everything from flogging 101 to impact play, spanking, sensory deprivation, rope bondage, various topics that they’ll help explore all the necessary safety steps, provide you with the tools you need to get started and help you with some of the hands on instruction too. If you don’t have an event that’s available in your local area, there are also national level conferences that exist.
You can travel to this conferences, they happen all throughout the year where you can also get some great 101 initial information. I always, always, always recommend that getting a proper education when it comes to BDSM. If you can’t get that education in person there are some amazing online resources too. I want to say the fetish website, kink.com has an entire section of their website called Kink University where you can actually watch educational videos on BDSM.
It will show you the steps of how do you flog somebody, what does that look like, how do I negotiate a flogging scene, what is the aftercare for that particular activity. The biggest mistake is to just run out to Adam and Eve, buy a handful of kinky looking sex toys, run to the bedroom and jump in with no idea what to do. It’s important that we recognize that there is definitely a risk factor associated with BDSM that may not be present in our vanilla activities.
Especially as we progress to some of the more intense BDSM activities such as breath play or rope bondage, you have the real serious potentiality to hurt someone if you don’t know the appropriate techniques. So before jumping into anything, definitely take your time to research it, watch some educational videos on it or attend a lecture about that particular topic. A lot of instructors, myself included are available for private BDSM instruction. Both hands on or through an online Skype one on one.
This way, you could actually talk with the professional to get the experience and advice necessary for that particular activity. BDSM is such a huge umbrella, it’s really hard to say, “Yes this is the way to jump into every kink activity,” because there really is no broad strokes paintbrush that you can use for it because it is such a huge range of things.
With that being said, if you are looking for something that you can do right now at home without having to call in a professional or watch DVD, the easiest BDSM form to explore is sensation play which is creating various sensations such as hot and cold, wet versus dry, metal versus soft, fur versus steel and you essentially assemble various items such as a square of rabbit fur, some loose chain, a dull butter knife and you start to blindfold your partner and use all of these different tools to create different sensations on the body.
For example, using an ice cube over somebody’s nipples and then following it up with the warmth of your mouth and using your tongue to increase the temperature suddenly. It is incredibly erotic and it is a really great way to start exploring BDSM activities. That is generally regarded as a low risk BDSM activity. With that being said always, always, always go through the appropriate negotiation procedures before starting any BDSM activity.
If you’re unsure of what those are, there’s a million articles online that you can look for under BDSM negotiations 101 or you can always email me directly, [email protected] and I can refer you to some specific resources too.
[0:31:09.6] Sean Jameson: Awesome, I am wondering one thing you mentioned about the danger and the word “safe-word” comes up a lot and I am wondering if you could just tell our listeners what a safe word is and again why it’s used.
[0:31:23.1] Alice Little: In the BDSM world rather than just using yes or no, we instead have specific safe words. The reason why we have safe words is because within kink and BDSM, we have the ability to explore situations and scenarios where yes might not always mean yes and no might not always mean no. For example, if you’re saying, “No, please let me go!” And you’re tied up in rope bondage, well you don’t actually want your partner to let you go in that scenario.
But you are exploring the full spectrum of that possibility and scenario through that role play language of saying, “No, don’t. Please stop.” Well, how do you communicate to your partner that you actually want them to stop if stop in that scene doesn’t mean stop? Well, that’s where the safe word comes into play. The most commonly used safe words are red, green and yellow, taken from the stop light. Red means stop, everything stops 100%, full stop.
Bondage comes off, ropes come off, collars get taken off and removed because we need to have a serious conversation at that moment, either you’ve been injured, I’ve pushed you too far, something has happened that causes you to need to stop that scenario all the way. Yellow is kind of a half-halt. Slow down, “Oh hold on, you can’t quite go that hard that intense. Oh I am starting to reach the boundary or limitations that I have.” Slow down.
And green means all systems go, “I am doing fantastic, thank you for checking in with me, let’s keep going I am having fun.” It’s an easy way to be able to be like, “How are you doing?” Even use the word, “Hey, check in.” “Green.” “Perfect.” And then you just are able to keep going without interrupting the ebb and flow of this scenario that is taking place. Every single scene in the BDSM world should always have safe words discussed and negotiated before the scene begins. You should never assume that somebody knows to use a safe word. You should always use your language and use your words upfront and specifically negotiate that.
Additionally, there is an after component that needs to be negotiated too called aftercare. After having such an intense scenario play out, it is very normal to need a certain level of attention or affection afterwards. Sometimes this looks like warm cuddles with a blanket or a nice warm drink to enjoy afterwards. Other people prefer to be left alone and have a quiet moment to process on their own.
Whatever it so maybe, just like you negotiate your safe word during the scene, you need to negotiate what the aftercare is going to look like before the scene ever begins.
[0:34:21.6] Sean Jameson: There you have it folks, the safe word and aftercare both mandatory if you are going to try BDSM with your partner. I am just wondering one more definition is BDSM itself. A lot of people see it just as a word but it is actually an acronym. I am wondering if you could just explain to our listeners what each letter combination stands for in BDSM.
[0:34:45.9] Alice Little: So there’s lots of different words that are plugged into the acronym. BDSM typically speaking and most frequently is defined as Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism. However, other people will interpret the words in combinations to mean different things. For example, MS is sometimes combined to mean Master and Slave which is another subset of BDSM. They’ll flip it around, SM to MS and have it represent the master-slave dynamic.
Other people will use only specific context in saying that, “Oh, submitting isn’t a part of my kink profile. So for me the S stands for something else.” So there’s also sometimes a personal component to that definition. With that being said, by and large, Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism tends to be the most commonly accepted acronym definition.
[0:35:58.6] Sean Jameson: Fantastic. So I am wondering now we’ve talked a lot of stuff, are there any positions you’d recommend for couples to use where maybe the male partner is physically a lot taller or he’s a lot heavier than their female partner.
[0:36:16.1] Alice Little: Oh goodness, yes. So, of course, those listening are unable to see me. I am four foot eight. So I am extremely, extremely petite and as such, I am very experienced in working with partners that are either taller or larger than I am. Being such a petite person, I’ve had to learn ways to meet with my partner in the bedroom to make sure that we get to have an amazing experience. The very, very first tool that I would recommend for anyone with the height differential in their relationship would be a love pillow.
There are several different ones out there on the market. I am a big fan of the Liberator Pillow personally because the micro fiber cover is removable and washable but this pillow is going to do wonders. By lifting her hips up, you create a much more agreeable angle between your two bodies. This way when he is on top, he’s not forcing her downwards at such a severe angle that he’s putting weight and pressure on her body. Instead, he’s able to meet with her body in a way that’s seamless and leads to a really great experience.
Additionally, it can be very helpful to have her on top. There’s lots of positions that involve having the woman either facing the man, cowgirl, facing away from the man, reverse cowgirl, or even facing away and bent over in kind of a reverse cow girl doggy style hybrid that can work incredibly well. Another fun cheat sheet way to make things work if there is a height differential is to use a step ladder to compensate for a height difference if you want to have sex while standing.
Why not just use a step stool? They work great and they have some really sturdy ones out there on the market. Just make sure that it is a really good sturdy step stool that you are using. What you can do is have your partner, the more petite one, stand several steps up and then have the other partner who is taller come around on behind while she bends forward. It creates the perfect tight dynamic so this way you are at the appropriate angle.
You could also use this as a kinky excuse to have sex on the stairs because of the height difference from the stairs, you just have her go a few stairs higher than the other partner and ta-da, you’re perfect. Now your hips are at the right angle.
[0:38:50.7] Sean Jameson: Awesome. That makes a lot of sense. I like that stairs position and I think I have one on the site. You can check it out, I think it’s called a stairway sex position. So one thing you mentioned Alice is you can maybe try using a girl on top position and I get emailed so often, it is probably one of the most common emails I get from female readers and listeners is they want to try cowgirl or some version of cowgirl on top of their man, being on top of their man during sex. But they just don’t feel confident or they don’t feel body confident enough to do that. So I am wondering if you have any advice for them on what they can do to do it and do it and enjoy it and to do it confidently and also enjoy it.
[0:39:39.0] Alice Little: The first thing that I always like to say when it comes to body confidence is get out of your own head girl. The reality of the situation is no one, no one is going to be judging you as harshly as you were judging you. You are looking at the mirror and all you see are your flaws and your faults. Well when everybody else looks at you, they see you. The entirety of you not just a small piece of you and so it starts by having that self-realization that you are probably being way more harsh on yourself and using a magnifying glass to draw out your flaws than what the actual reality of the situation is.
If you can take a step back and go, “Hmm, I might be in my own head here.” You’re going to be able to feel a little bit more relaxed when it comes to taking that first uncomfortable step and there is a reason why I said that first uncomfortable step. The reality is, any time you try something new that you are unsure of, you’re going to feel uncomfortable and that’s okay.
It is perfectly okay to feel a little bit uncomfortable when trying something new in the bedroom. The first time that you get on top, it is only natural to be a little bit self-conscious and a little bit concerned. If you are willing to push yourself past that first few moments of uncomfortability, that sensation will 100% pass and then you’ll be able to enjoy that experience. Then the second time you’re on top, it is not going to feel so scary.
The third time on top, you’re not even going to think about what you look like and by the fourth and fifth time that you’re on top, you are not even thinking about what your partner’s looking at with your body. You’re focused on enjoying yourself in living that experience. It is about willing to put yourself in that uncomfortable position knowing that the payoff is going to be so worthwhile.
[0:41:44.4] Sean Jameson: You make a great point. I would also like to add that you shouldn’t forget that guys are also thinking, “Am I too fat? Am I too skinny? Am I muscly enough? Is my penis big enough? Can I actually get hard? Am I going to last long enough? Do I last too long? Am I pleasing her?”
So guys are also in the same situation and so if you think they’re thinking about you and judging you on top, they’re also probably going to be in their heads much more worried about what their performance is like than having any time whatsoever to judge you.
[0:42:19.9] Alice Little: A hundred percent, exactly so. Everyone is so self-conscious about themselves that nobody is worried about anybody else. And so, if you can keep that fact in your mind, relax, have fun and enjoy yourself because sex is supposed to be pleasurable and enjoyable and it’s only through stigmatism that we’re – only through stigma that we’ve made it this negative painful and uncomfortable thing that we’re ashamed of.
Sex should never be shameful and so there’s no reason to place shame on yourself for wanting to enjoy yourself during sex. Forget that nonsense and rebel. The biggest way to fight back against sex stigma is to have good sex and pleasurable sex that you enjoy. Have a fulfilling sex life, there’s no reason not to and well, you only get one life to make it happen. So there is no reason to not seize the bull by the horns. Put yourself in those positions that you may not have been willing to try otherwise and live life fully.
[0:43:24.3] Sean Jameson: Absolutely. So one final question before I let you go Alice and that’s a lot of listeners are actually in long term relationships with the same partner and I am just wondering if you have any advice for them to keep their sex life exciting fun and diverse.
[0:43:42.9] Alice Little: Unlike in years prior, there’s now a variety of tools and toys specifically made for couples at a distance. Technology is really starting to close the intimacy gap and making the world not so much of a large place anymore. We now have the ability to video call with people anywhere at any point in time that we so desire. As a result, I strongly encourage couples that is at distance to use the technological advancements that we have to keep their relationship going strong.
Don’t be afraid to video call each other and leave voice messages for each other frequently. Additionally, there is some amazing sex toys that are now out there on the market. PornHub put out a tele-dildonic system that allows for two way reception. There is a Fleshlight toy that vibrates in time with the sensations that are put into a dildo toy which the other partner is able to use to pleasure themselves. As a result, the partners get to have a mutually beneficial masturbatory experience. That you can enhance even further by incorporating a video call.
With that being said, keep in mind that not all video platforms these days are open and friendly to adult content. So be careful and cautious about what video chat platform you are using.
[0:45:11.4] Sean Jameson: That’s fantastic. Alice, thanks so much for coming on the show. I am just wondering, if people want to get in touch, if people want to find out more about you, what’s the best way for them to reach you or to find out more?
[0:45:24.6] Alice Little: The best place to find out more about me would be my website, thealicelittle.com. You can subscribe to my newsletter which goes out each month which has a different helpful tips, tricks and information to help you improve your sex life. I also have my own podcast available now on iTunes as well as Spotify, Wing Woman Podcast and you can also find me on Twitter @thealicelittle and on Instagram @thealicelittleofficial. My inbox is always open, [email protected]. Just send me an email.
[0:46:05.4] Sean Jameson: Awesome, Alice thank you.
[0:46:06.3] Alice Little: Oh thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.