Today we are joined by Nadja Eriksson who is here to tell us about her work in coaching women to experience a more fulfilled sexuality and the seven types of tantric orgasms.
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Nadja hosts her own podcast called The School of Feminine Pleasure with her colleague and friend Ingunn Tennbakk.
The two have also recently completed a book about tantra and enlightened spiritual pleasure, which is due out next year. In our conversation Nadja unpacks her understanding of the term ‘tantra’ and its applicability to all.
She then lays out the seven different type of female orgasms and also spends time discussing the roadblocks that women can experience in achieving pleasure.
This episode ends with some thoughts on healthy practices for couples to have meaningful and interesting sex even as your relationship matures & potentially becomes boring.
- We start with Nadja’s background and the path to her current work.
- The book she has been writing for the last two years.
- Nadja’s understanding of the term tantra and who can practice it.
- Differentiating the seven different tantric orgasms for women.
- Common roadblocks to female orgasm and stored tension in the body.
- Exercises and practices to release tension and trauma.
- Nadja’s advice to couples wanting to maintain an exciting sex life.
- The importance of vulnerability and honesty in maintaining a connection.
- And much more!
Resources, extended show notes and Nadja’s contact details can be accessed by clicking here.
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Sean Jameson: Today I’m talking to Nadja Eriksson, she’s a sex coach, author and speaker and the founder of the School of Feminine Pleasure.
Nadja, thanks so much for coming on the bad girl’s bible podcast.
Nadja Eriksson: Thank you for having me, great to be here.
Sean Jameson: Great, I’d love to start out by just finding out a little bit about you and how you came to teach women how to have more pleasure.
Nadja Eriksson: For sure. I’ve always been really interested in spirituality and all this stuff so on my mid-20s, I also got into yoga and tantra and I took a lot of workshops, participated quite heavily in, I don’t know, maybe you heard about, it’s Europe’s probably biggest tantra school, [inaudible] tantra.
Sean Jameson: Cool.
Nadja Eriksson: I was with them like a student there for almost, more than five years and it like, lot of courses and you got certified there as a tantric femdom.
Sean Jameson: Tantric Fandom, cool, what is a Tantric fendom?
Nadja Eriksson: It’s basically like tantric domination. It’s like a normal femdom but it’s not about inducing pain on people or humiliating them, it’s really about helping them to surrender into the feminine essence and to open to love, basically. You play with the polarities and the energies and you serve the person in front of you, can be a man or woman through energy and touch and pleasure so they can open into their receptive mode, into their sexual feminine energy.
Often, if it’s guys, they often, they get a deep imprint into their body of what feels like to be a feminine being, sexually and they become much better lovers from that because they start to feel more and they get more empathy and yeah, it’s just really empowering for both partners.
Sean Jameson: Cool.
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah, it’s super cool. Yeah, mostly I work with coaching and I’m also a writer. I just finished a book project that I’ve been doing for almost 18 months now. Yeah, one of my best friends, her name is Ingunn Tennbakk, she’s from Norway and we actually met in that said Tantra school, we’ve been in there together many years and known each other for a long time.
Then I came back from New York City like last year, lived there for about a year.
Sean Jameson: Tantra school is in New York.
Nadja Eriksson: No, it was in Europe and then I moved to New York for over a year and so we did some public speaking there and some coaching and I was teaching them on orgasms and talking about seven different orgasms that women can have, doing that kind of thing there and back. My friend asked me if I wanted to write a book with her on feminine sexuality and spirituality.
Without a doubt, I said yes. Because that has been a dream of mine for a long time. Based on what we already knew from our education and also, she’s very medial, she’s kind of very open, she’s done meditation.
We had like a lot of like transmission, spiritual downloads you could say and when you ask deeper questions that needs to have and we got like answers through that and was very intuitive process of asking questions, receiving the answers and then kind of based in understanding. Like writing the book, it’s been extremely deep process for ourselves as well, actually just learning so much through this and taking it into our body much deeper and I’ve been practicing this. Many partners but now, the last three years with my husband and I mean the transformation it’s just profound. I mean, we have so many deep sexual, spiritual experiences that’s just mind-blowing.
Sean Jameson: I’d love to actually rewind just a little bit for listeners that may have heard of tantra. I know I asked you what a tantric fandom is but for listeners that don’t precisely know what tantra is, they know it’s something sexual, maybe something spiritual. What is tantra exactly?
Nadja Eriksson: I think it means different things to different people. I think there is no one definition by the book. But the way I understand it, the word means to me is to open up to God or spirit or universe, whatever you like to call it through the act of sexuality and through the body and bringing like spirit deeper into the body.
Sean Jameson: Okay. So it’s sort of sex on spirituality maybe mixed together, would that be –
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah, the way I see it is like a deep emerging of our divine essence.
Sean Jameson: If maybe there’s a divide catholic listening and they’re wondering, could they also experience this, do you think?
Nadja Eriksson: Of course, anybody can. I mean, for Catholics, I’m not religious but the holy spirit is in everybody, isn’t it? I mean, the way I see it, I mean, the way I see it, we’re all sons and daughters of God and there’s no judgment, no discrimination, okay, you can have this or you can’t, you’re the wrong religious person. We’re all the same in our essence I believe. Everybody can experience this depth, yes.
Sean Jameson: Okay. Just one other thing as well, you mentioned that there are seven different orgasms which I’m sure a lot of people are listening like to know more, what are the seven different orgasms?
Nadja Eriksson: I mean, I can go through them.
Sean Jameson: Yeah, please do. If you have time.
Nadja Eriksson: Sure, I have time. We have time. I mean, there are different, in tantra, we differentiate between what we call peak orgasms and more like tantric orgasms or valley orgasms. Let’s start first two that are the most common, now I’m just talking about women, there are different ones for men also but there are seven for women.
The first most commonly known probably is the clitoral peak orgasm and we say peak orgasm because it kind of builds the energy up where it comes to a certain peak and then dives down again. Build up energy and then just relaxes and it’s kind of over in five seconds. Then that’s one most people are familiar with. You have this muscle contractions and all that and that’s mostly through the clitoris and these nerves and then there is like the similar one that’s also like a peaking inside of the vagina where you can feel like the vaginal muscles clenching and almost like moving.
That often gets created by force, it feels like you have like, you want to go there, you want to get it and you kind of rub your clit or you jerk of your cock until you cum and that’s like, it’s a way of having sex that’s like really goal oriented I would say. We really want to get there.
Sean Jameson: People just want to get to the end is what you’re saying as supposed to enjoy the journey, perhaps?
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah, I mean, that peak orgasm is often used to release the body, rid the body of sexual energy. So guys ejaculate, like women come on the clit. And it’s basically the same thing and it’s the same type of orgasm because afterwards, at least most people feel less horny, and they want to have sex does that before. They feel maybe restless or horny and then they have a hard time to stay with that energy to just feel it in the body or to conduct it and do things with it and get creative. They can’t contain it so they want to get rid of it. That’s what the peak orgasm is often used for.
In tantra, I mean, if there is a goal, there’s no really goal in tantra but the idea behind it is that you let go of that goal, of having that chasing that like small little shallow orgasm because there’s like so much more depth available when we let go of the goal. Then, there’s the third orgasm, talk about for women now, it’s like vaginal valley orgasm.
Sean Jameson: Sure.
Nadja Eriksson: That just comes more just relaxing and it feels more like waves going through the body and sort of a giant and much more gentle and soft way that is without forcing or rubbing that can just come from like deeper relaxation and relaxing the vaginal walls and relaxing the pelvic floor.
Sean Jameson: That be from meditation or from actual physical stimulation?
Nadja Eriksson: No, can totally come from sex or masturbation, it’s just the stopping to rub so you get these contractions, it’s like a deeper relaxation in the body that comes, on opposite can also come from stimulation but more like a softer, gentler touch and yeah, just really slowing down and relaxing the body.
I mean, okay, let’s keep going there is g-spot orgasm, like also known as squirting, I’ve been on before. Then we have like anal orgasms, most people know about that number five. What else, there’s like more seven, I think. There’s whole body orgasm.
Sean Jameson: Hold on, we don’t have to cover them all but if you want it, we still can have time.
Nadja Eriksson: There’s like the full body orgasms where you can like actually orgasm in your whole body, everything at once.
Sean Jameson: That sounds like a lot of fun.
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah, that’s what happens when you stop pushing your sexual energy out of your body through the peak orgasm and you actually start to – you practice to contain this sexual energy. Then you kind of direct it back into the body and then you can have those full body orgasms.
Sean Jameson: Is that something that’s easy to do or does it require like training or breathing techniques.
Nadja Eriksson: Not too much breathing techniques, I mean, it takes practice, I would say. Like everything in life, just like learning to ride your bike, it takes some practice and it’s good to ask some instructions and idea but in the end, you just have to practice it.
Sean Jameson: Fair enough.
Nadja Eriksson: Then for women, there is a cervical orgasm and that’s also going deeper into the womb orgasm. They are sometimes seen as one but I think there’s a differentiation or we can have a cervical orgasm and that’s like only on the cervix. Or it can go even deeper into the body like starting in the body like starting in the cervix but t hen extending all the way into the womb where your whole womb just starts to move and pulsate and contractive energy and it’s really extreme and really rare state but with practice and over time, it’s definitely reachable and it can leave women transformed and rejuvenated and fulfilled like for days afterwards.
It’s just so rejuvenating that it can like glowing and love and open and happy like for ages, like hours and days afterwards, it’s just extremely spiritual experience.
Sean Jameson: That certainly sound like a lot of fun. If only guys could achieve it.
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah. I mean, for guys, I think to be able to give that to a woman, the first thing they would need to do is practice letting go of the small ejaculative peak orgasm. And to also you know, practice tantric masturbation and basically open up the whole body but especially in the body like the perineum and around the anus, like a lot of guys store fear there and tension and it blocks the energy of moving from moving up the spine and through the whole body into micro cosmic orbit it’s called in Tantra.
So basically circulating through the whole body and you don’t need to do a ton of breathing techniques for that and when your body is open like yogically and relaxed, it is not necessary to roll your eyes and breath and remember there’s tons of things to do because the body knows. It’s like your nature. Your body just knows what to do. It will do it by itself and you have to relax and let go.
Sean Jameson: Yeah so sort of like breathing or standing up or walking, is that what you mean?
Nadja Eriksson: No.
Sean Jameson: Oh sorry.
Nadja Eriksson: But I am saying that as okay for men like to become tantric, basically the main obstacle is to stop ejaculating and to help you achieve that it is really good to work in doing yoga to open the hips and then also to do what you call ass work or like to get sessions with a good body worker or a tantric femdom to help open up the whole area around the pelvic floor and anus so that all these tension energetic blocks can get released from there.
And when that area is really relaxed and open like the sexual energy will naturally just travel backwards instead of out of the cog if they go back into the body and up the spine and kind of move through your body and that will also allow you to have as a man this full body orgasms and once when you’re fully able to do that, that ejaculating then you’re going to be able to give your partner also cervical and womb orgasms.
So that is what I am saying, it takes practice and time to get it. I mean you don’t learn it overnight but it is definitely very much rough practicing.
Sean Jameson: And so is that all seven? I wasn’t keeping count or is there one more?
Nadja Eriksson: That’s seven or maybe more. I think with womb orgasm was seven.
Sean Jameson: Okay. So I guess the idea of having seven different types of orgasms is obviously very appealing to everyone but I know a lot of our listeners, a lot of people email me, a lot of woman email me asking for advice on just how to achieve any type of orgasm.
So I am wondering if you have any advice on that. If there is someone listening and they enjoy sex but they struggle to reach climax either alone or with a partner, would you have any advice on that?
Nadja Eriksson: Yes, so you definitely want to be able to experience even the “more shallow orgasm,” or the clitoral orgasm if you have never had them then of course you will want to experience them first. So I would say the first thing is –
Sean Jameson: I guess there is no one magical trick to fix that but –
Nadja Eriksson: No but for a lot of women it’s a lot of a mental thing. They put a lot of mental blockings like, “Oh I should be like this. My body should perform like that. Oh something is wrong with me because I can’t have XYZ.” You know? And that builds up so much pressure and fear that because it is drape over ourselves and be like, “Oh my god I am so worthless because I can’t orgasm,” or whatever and just becomes this huge roadblock.
And I think the first thing I would say is be kind to yourself and treat yourself as much love as possible and also in masturbation even for a few weeks and so just maybe stop having a goal at all and just try to feel your body more. Because often the body can build up a lot of armor and tension from old stored emotions or trauma in the body or conditioning and shame and guilt that has been put up on us and often they are not aware of these things but they live inside of us as energy.
Sean Jameson: I think it’s crazy. I had a massage today just like a sports massage and there is so much tension just builds up in your back just from sitting on a computer or just from sitting down in your lower back.
And you never think about it and you can never connect that, “Oh maybe I am stressed out this is why,” you know you can understand why you are tired or anxious but that perhaps it is actually your muscles are also suffering from the it or another part of your body.
Nadja Eriksson: Exactly, I mean it’s the muscles but mostly it is the fascia that stores a lot of trauma and tension and unheard emotions.
Sean Jameson: So fascia is that sort of connective tissue to the muscles?
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah, I think that is between the muscle and the bone and I would really recommend Yin Yoga or there’s this guy, he’s called David Berceli I think he’s called and he got this book. It is called the Magical Trauma Release Process it’s an exercise or something and it’s five really simple exercises that you can do in the beginning over a few months preferably every day or every few days and they’re really, really powerful to get any kind of old trauma and blockages, energetic emotional blockages out of the body because often the body is so numb with fear and trauma that we can’t just feel anything.
Maybe that is just numbest and if you are numb in your body and your vagina is numb of course you can’t orgasm on it. So the first thing you want to do is just to release all of that stock energy and all of the numbest out of the body like get some massage or if you know anybody who’s a good quality body worker, seek out their help.
And in our the book that’s coming out hopefully next year, we also have a lot of processes how to de-armor your own body and to de-armor your own vagina. So you can help yourself to release all of that stuff that is making you feel numb and painful in there and once you have gone through numbest you probably need pain and then once you have gone through the pain, you’re going to go through pleasure, but it is a journey. You can’t force it and it’s not going to help to judge yourselves. So just be really kind to yourself as much as you can, loving kindness to yourself and patience.
Sean Jameson: So that’s advice for women that are currently struggling to climax, to reach orgasm but what about – say there’s a couple who already have pretty good sex life, it’s fine, maybe it gets boring sometimes, sometimes it is exciting. But they want to make it more fun so that they could enjoy it more, would you have any advice for those couples?
Nadja Eriksson: Different things, I mean the first thing I would say that comes first and foremost is just being really transparent with each other. I think a lot of people go around hiding their sexual fantasies or desires from their partner because they’re afraid of being rejected or being wrong for having desires and then they go behind each other’s back and they cheat or whatever and I would say that the most important thing is to just be really confessed and honest. Like, “Hey I feel attracted to trying out this thing,” or –
Sean Jameson: Should one partner just blurt it out randomly or should they ease into it or should they talk about it first or?
Nadja Eriksson: Oh yeah, well I think it would be a good idea to have regular dates, like sex dates, just set aside time where you just share, what is going on and you dare go bond with each other and there should be contrast and talk about these things and bring it up. Don’t try to hide it, don’t try to pretend that everything is fine when it is not like, “Hey I really miss this,” or, “I long for that.” And just give yourselves space to take an evening where you just meet and just talk about those things.
Don’t talk about it while you’re having sex before because that can obviously really ruin it but talk about it before hand.
Sean Jameson: Right, it is like telling someone you wish there was someone else in bed.
Nadja Eriksson: Yeah.
Sean Jameson: During sex.
Nadja Eriksson: Do it tactfully with empathy. I think this is like the most important thing, what’s really key is then to just be able to be witnessed by a partner if whatever pressing is your desire with our judgment but be met with love and compassion. I think a lot of people hide or don’t speak the truth because they’re afraid of being judged or condemned and if you can be there for your partner and just hear them out and witness them and acknowledge them and their desire and be open to potentially trying it and meeting them.
I think that’s like the first step to creating more intimacy and more pleasure and more fun.
Sean Jameson: Absolutely.
Nadja Eriksson: If you do feel triggered, I would like to say it because it’s so important of our judgment. If you feel like you want to judge your partner for something that they long to explore, desire to do, just pay attention and be aware of your judgement because often you judge others because there is some kind of emotion or hurt inside of us that we don’t want to feel.
Instead, we judge and we blame the other person. If you can just pay attention to what’s going on, what is getting triggered inside of us, what pain or fear is coming up and witness it and be vulnerable with it. It has a huge capacity and potential for healing, like emotionally. To allow the vulnerability, whatever comes up because that kind of – that level of transparency and vulnerability, that’s what creates like true intimacy and trust.
From that space of meeting so deeply in the heart and confession and trust and vulnerability and openness, that’s often where the most juicy stuff happens. Because then you let go of your ego and your mind and all your agendas of what should happen or who you should be and who your partner is and all these stories. Then just something else can step in and guide you.
Sean Jameson: I agree completely. Nadja, I think that’s a great place to leave this episode but first, I’d love to find out you know, if people are listening and they want to find out more about you, they want to find out about your book or The School of Feminine Pleasure, how can they reach you?
Nadja Eriksson: Right. If you go to my website, it’s nadjaeriksson.com. You can write in the show notes also. There they can sign up and download the first four chapters of our book for free and read and they will also be notified, of course, about any pre sales and release dates for the book. We’re on Facebook, we also have a podcast, it’s called The School of Feminine Pleasure, you can find us in iTunes and Soundcloud and we also have a Facebook group, a public one for men and women and then there’s also a closed group only for women.
If you’re a woman listening to this and you are really curious on how to deepen your relationship or you have like want to create more satisfaction in your relationships, I have actually a group coaching program coming up. It’s called Magnetize Your Man, it’s like a four week online group coaching program starting on November 10th and if you want to find out more about that, you can also go to my website and on the tab coaching, you’re going to find everything there.
Sean Jameson: Awesome. I’ll include all of those links in the show notes.
Nadja Eriksson: Thank you so much.
Sean Jameson: Nadja, thanks again.
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