#63 19 Orgasmic Blow Job Techniques to Make Your Man Explode with Samia Burton

Oral sex is one of the most commonly performed sexual activities, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it comes naturally to everyone! To talk about how to up your blow job game and teach you orgasmic techniques to make your man explode, we are joined by the incredible Samia Burton.

Samia is a dynamic sexual educator with a proven track record of success. As the host of Not Just Another Sex Podcast and founder of Sexual Essentials, she takes an unconventional approach to sexual education by offering hands-on sex workshops, including her infamous MouthMasterclass, centered around building confidence and learning new techniques in a 100% judgment-free zone. In this episode, Samia shares some titillating tips for giving (and receiving) mind-blowing oral, from speaking openly about your preferences to creating a sensual atmosphere, getting into character, edging 101, and so much more. To get your PhD in sucking dick, be sure to tune in today!

Key Points From This Episode

• Why Samia started Sexual Essentials and chose to take a hands-on approach.
• Tips for those who lack confidence or don’t enjoy giving head.
• How to tease and seduce your partner throughout the day.
• The importance of open, honest communication (and how it can be super hot!)
• Sensual suggestions to increase enjoyment for blow job givers and receivers.
• A full five senses guide to setting the mood for mind-blowing oral.
• Reasons to switch it up and try new techniques.
• Different kinds of blow jobs and the power of getting into character.
• Pleasure versus orgasm: how edging can improve your blow jobs.
• Advice for blow job givers to be more dominant or submissive.
• How proper personal hygiene is an extension of great sex.
• Saucy finishing moves that really add the “wow” factor!
• Why just being willing to try new things and improve is a major turn-on.

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Transcript

SB: So, I’m not the messiest head giver but I’m aware that a lot of men like this and so first of all, I always ask, just like along with the pressure question, “Do you like it messy or not?” If they say they like it messy, I’m just going to have to pull back my hair or figure out what – how do I like feeling messy? Would I prefer a shirt on or would I prefer a shirt off? What makes me like, messy more, and what I’ve learned is that when he likes messy, I overall get into a more kinky place.”

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:31.7] SJ: This is The Bad Girls Bible Podcast. I’m your host, Sean Jameson, and this is the place where I interview experts and professionals, and everyone in between to teach you how to dramatically improve your relationships and have more enjoyable sex more often. If you’re not already subscribed to The Bad Girls Bible Podcast, you just need to open your podcast app, search for Bad Girls Bible, and hit that subscribe button, so you get the latest episodes delivered straight to you, the moment they are released. 

[INTERVIEW]

[0:01:04.2] SJ: Today, I’m talking to Samia Burton. She’s the host of the Not Just Another Sex Podcast. She’s also the owner of Something Extraordinary Content House, a one-stop shop for creatives, and she also teaches hands-on courses like the MouthMasterclass, Dick Riding 101, and Squirting 101. Samia, thanks so much for coming on the show.

[0:01:27.3] SB: Hey Sean, thank you so much for having me, and I apologize, it is Samia, I definitely should have made sure I said that. I know my name is spelled a little weird but yes. No, you’re fine, you’re fine.

[0:01:38.4] SJ: Samia, I’m sorry.

[0:01:40.9] SB: No worries, thank you for having me.

[0:01:42.8] SJ: I’d love to start off, I guess, with a little bit about you and your background and how you came to teach your hands-on courses.

[0:01:50.6] SB: Absolutely. So, my name is Samia, I am a mom and a serial entrepreneur, and I started Sexual Essentials, I believe my entire journey, honestly, started with Sexual Essentials, right after I had my son. I got put into a mom group and we were talking about orgasms one day and so many of the mothers had never had an orgasm and so, the math just wasn’t mathing to me because I was like, “Wait, what do you mean? But this is the mom group, you guys are doing it, you guys are doing it so well that you have kids” 

And so, they were like, “Yeah, I don’t know if I’ve ever had one,” da-da-da-da-da, and it just, it kind of just snowballed from there and it started off as a blog. I really wanted to come full circle because there are so many articles about sex, there are plenty of toy stores and things like that but I really wanted a one-stop shop, I guess, I’m a one-stop shop girl, and I decided to create courses that were hands-on and so a lot of people are like, “What’s hands-on?” 

It means, how can you learn how to ride dick if you’re not actually doing the motions, how can you learn how to give oral if you’re not practicing and so, we brought in, you know, toys, for them to try on without having to take off any clothes or anything like that and it was just so fun and it was just so thorough. People were actually leaving knowing what they were doing wrong or like, “Oh, let me work on this, this is where I’m messing it up.” 

And so, it ended up just really snowballing and creating a community, but as of recently, in the last 18 months, it ended up moving towards a podcast because my social media kept getting shadow-banned or deleted, even though I wasn’t nude or anything and so, I got really tired of being silenced, especially because I wasn’t doing vulgar content, which there is nothing wrong with that. 

It’s just, I wasn’t and so, I started the podcast so that way I wouldn’t be silenced but when I released the podcast, it also had a personal component because everyone knew me as Sexual Essentials and all these tips and tricks but if you ask them anything about me, they didn’t know anything about me and so, I created the show to express to people how I got to where I was and that’s why I shared my trauma with parental molestation. 

And really just coming back from that, and how I still am at the forefront of my intimate journey with myself, despite those things because there are so many people that have been violated or ever – and they just, they can’t connect to their sexuality and sensuality and so, when I shared that, that also just blossomed just so fast, and in the midst of that, it could really just open the door for me to start actually producing for other people and other creatives, and yeah.

And so, now, I’m in media, where I’m not just helping themselves but other creatives and not just intimate creatives but creatives of all types because I just realized that sex is really the first avenue of me really tapping into my own power, it was just the first stop.

[0:04:54.9] SJ: Awesome. So, I’d love to talk a little bit about blow jobs.

[0:04:58.3] SB: For sure.

[0:05:00.0] SJ: Let’s do it, let’s jump in.

[0:05:02.7] SB: Let’s do it. Okay. 

[0:05:05.6] SJ: So, I think sometimes, people can be afraid, maybe insecure, maybe they just don’t have the experience like you mentioned, someone could have past trauma when it comes to giving a blowjob, going down on their partner, or trying any new sex technique. Do you have any tips for someone that right now doesn’t particularly like, say, giving a blowjob but they want to learn how to like it, how to get comfortable with it, and how to enjoy it?

[0:05:34.0] SB: For sure. So, the first thing I will ask them is, “What is it that you don’t like?” And just letting them know that this is a safe place. Whatever your answer is, it’s valid but if you don’t tell me the truth about why you don’t like it, then we can’t actually fix it. If you tell me, “I’m just a pillow princess, I’m just lazy, I don’t want to do it.” Okay, we have a solution for that because there’s nothing wrong with being a pillow princess, right?

If you’re like, “Hey, my skills are just – I feel embarrassed, I feel like my partner has had better head than me.” Or, if you’re like, “Honestly, I don’t know if he likes it” or “I’m not good at it” or whatever the answer is, it does start with the truth because a lot of times, people will give you some BS answer about why they don’t want to do something and so, we’re wasting our time addressing the BS.

So, that would definitely be my first tip. The second tip is talking to your partner. If you guys can’t talk about it, you might not need to be doing it and I know that sounds really harsh but it’s the truth, how comfortable are you? And when I say talking, it’s for multiple reasons. One, if you initiate the conversation, it does take off some of that burden of feeling embarrassed, right? And also, you can joke. There’s so many married men, and I’m talking about happily married men that will say their girl is not the best at giving head but she wants to do it. She does try, and they have such a good time that he’s not necessarily worried about it.

There are a lot of people that this isn’t a deal breaker for them but when you make your partner feel like they have to beg for something or you’re not really letting them know, or you’re diverting their attention somewhere else without really telling them how you feel and they – and that ends up making them feel not great, right? 

So, being honest with your partner and telling them about what’s going on, and also, doing some work because a lot of people will sit there and never suck a dick for three years, right? People have been celibate, everything else, and then you just jump back in with no practice. So many people think that, “Why would I pay for a class to learn how to suck dick when it’s not true?” Baby, who is getting on the internet and sucking – doing blowjobs at all with a stranger for free? 

And I think, a lot of people don’t realize, like, you pay someone to do your taxes, you pay someone to do your lawn. You don’t have to do everything by yourself or reinvent the wheel but if this is what I study all day and you’re busy, let me come in and support you in your sex life just like anyone else would support you, just like a babysitter supports you because you might have a lot of work to do and can’t play with your kids, right?

You still want to make sure that people are getting the attention that they deserve and so, people don’t invest in their intimate life. Then just asking your partner, how do they like it? You could be king ding-a-ling when it comes to giving blowjobs but if you have not asked your partner, “Babe, do you like it when I do this?” Because so many men have said they don’t. They don’t actually say anything because then they feel like, they’re not going to get any more head.

[0:08:28.9] SJ: Yeah, or they’re kind of criticizing you. You want to be constructive but they don’t’ know how to – I mean, as a guy, I can tell you, I’m a bit of a [crosstalk 0:08:37.0] sometimes when it comes to giving feedback. So yeah, I can see how guys in general can be quite quiet or, they just don’t want to talk about it.

[0:08:47.6] SB: Absolutely, and if we’re being honest, women have not, historically, done the best with criticism. A lot of times, it’s a lot of “Woah if you did more of this then I’d want to suck it more.” And things like that and that doesn’t make it a safe place to actually have these conversations. When someone is bringing that their intimacy or their pleasure with you, it’s not the time to bring up something else, right? 

And also, understanding that your partner is not going to waste all of their energy using all these pacified words to make you feel more comfortable when they’re talking about themselves. So, now, they’re using more energy to make you feel comfortable when really, you ask them about them. Women do have to stop being so selfish sometimes and I understand. I do, I overstand but women are like, “Well, at least, they get to have a nut or whatever.”

Just because someone ejaculates, does not mean that it was the most enjoyable experience and we have to get away from that, and we have to stop silencing men. Women have broken the glass doors open when it comes to being honest about our own sexuality but we’re not leaving space for men to jump in and share how they like to share. There’s that, and then, practice. Like, maybe, put it on a schedule. 

Put it on a schedule, I know you’re busy, but put it on a schedule, and when you plan it, you can hype yourself up and tease him throughout the day and make sure your schedule’s free so no one feels like you’re just fitting them in and you know, that response.

[0:10:10.4] SJ: I think that’s fantastic, this kind of teasing them throughout the day. So, how would you do that? Do you have like, specific techniques, like, texting comes to mind?

[0:10:19.7] SB: Absolutely.

[0:10:20.9] SJ: Maybe you’re hinting at something in the morning before you leave for work.

[0:10:24.5] SB: Absolutely. So, in my class, everyone gets a dildo and it sticks to things, right? So that way, you can practice because I don’t want you to hold it because when you hold it, you overinflate your ego because your hands are going to naturally move the dildo in and out of your mouth. Yes, sometimes, the body does that but I want you to get the full practice. I want you to stick it to something. 

But even sending your partner a video of that or sending your partner nudes and things and stuff like that, but also, using it as a reward. I love a little play, right? Like, so, say your partner has a bad day or has a good day. Like, “You know what? You had a really good day and I love that for you but you know what? I want to top this off because I want your day to be the best degree and I love that for you.” 

Or, when they’re having a bad day or something went wrong, using that as a, “You know what? I really just want to help make you feel better.” Or, like spoiling your partner with oral and even, sometimes, catching him off-guard like, “I just want to suck on you, you don’t have to do anything to me this time.” Sometimes, just giving but I think having the conversation and asking like, “Is there a particular thing you like me to do?” 

You know, asking the conversation automatically just gives everybody some exciting angst, right? Not the bad kind, “Yeah, like, you’re asking me, I get to just pick? Like, hell yeah.”

[0:11:43.8] SJ: And the same goes as well for guys. Guys can do that as well. Like, for any guys listening, it’s not a terrible thing to do things for your partner without expecting, you know, something in return.

[0:11:56.2] SB: Absolutely, and I tell people all the time, it’s how you do it and I believe in – okay, so yes, I do like even exchange but the truth is, you don’t always want to give something just because you want something. I think it’s just about the consent. So, sometimes, I’ve led a partner know in the past like, “Babe, I just – I need to be catered to, I don’t want to do anything but if you’re not in a place for that, I totally understand.” 

But when you go into situations, thinking that you guys are both going to leave with starting anything, you don’t talk about it before, that’s how feelings get hurt or you can be embarrassed or confused but give your partner a chance to get in the mindset of just giving and there’s nothing wrong with a selfish moment as long as it’s not at the expense of someone else and so, the way to get around that is, communication, for sure.

[0:12:47.9] SJ: And so, I guess, before I ask you some – for some specific tips, are there kind of general guidelines that the giver kind of keep in mind, for almost any blowjob they give. I’m thinking about enthusiasm, finding a way to really enjoy it yourself as a giver.

[0:13:06.8] SB: Absolutely. I think that’s number one because I will hate for somebody to go down on me and they looking like they just ate a – opened up a fish pantry, like, “Oh my God.” like, “Oh my God.” Your face, like, I can see you, dammit. Like, I can see your face.

[0:13:21.6] SJ: Yeah.

[0:13:23.6] SB: That’s how women be, they’re looking at it like you asking them to suck on a hammer or something, like granted it’s clean, what is the problem? Or whoever is sucking on it, right? And so, fixing your face and getting your energy together because you don’t want to be a reason that your partner feels insecure about their body. Second, please stop starting at the dick, there is so much more to your partner. Now, everybody is not into nipple play.

[0:13:49.0] SJ: Absolutely.

[0:13:50.6] SB: But please, kiss them on the ears, lick them on their neck. First, brush your damn teeth, okay? We don’t want to smell like spaghetti and you’re in somebody’s ear and face, okay? But just be on them, nurture them, kiss them, kiss them all over their body, rub their shoulders, loosen it up. Like, start sucking on his thighs, licking his thighs, and look here, I don’t care what you all have heard but behind the knee is a very sensitive area. 

Now, don’t get kicked in the face but just using all of your hands, like, even if you’re like, squatting down, use your hands, don’t just put your hands on his dick or don’t have your hands to your side. Use all of your body as a tool. Use your body, and throw your breasts against him because it’s soft, like, take off your shirt and just rub against them, like, you know, using your boobs to be a part of the blowjob. 

Like, if he was a woman, is that how you would do it? And for most people, no, even if you’re not a lesbian. Women will tell you they think of sensuality when they think of women but men desire the same things. You can’t just, you know, you got to warm it up. You got to warm it up. So, that’s one, and then also, ask them how they like it and I say that because a lot of men have said they do not need their dicks sucked as hard as some of the folks be going.

And playing with different temperatures, playing with different textures, playing with different speeds and pressures can change everything. So, ladies, think about it, or those who have a clitoris. If you turn on a toy, you do not have to turn it on turbojet, right? You can actually put it on level one or two and – or not even directly on the clitoris and it will become an edgy sensation, you know what I mean?

Like, you can – it builds up. So, even for your partner, sucking lightly or licking softly different parts and incorporating things like lingam massages and things like that, so that way you could have more things to do so you don’t run out. Like, you can mix up between your mouth, you can mix it up between your hands, you can add toys, you can do a lingam massage, and you could really extend the situation.

[0:15:52.6] SJ: For those listening that don’t know what a lingam massage is, what is that exactly?

[0:15:57.5] SB: So, it’s a Sanskrit word for like, a penis massage, basically and so it’s a tantric type of thing. I love it because a lot of times, men do not feel valued unless their dick is hard and the truth is that sometimes you can be aroused and your body – or you can desire to have sex but your genitals may not be aroused yet.

[0:16:19.8] SJ: A hundred percent.

[0:16:20.1] SB: And so, we think a lot of jokes – yeah, like, we make jokes on the internet about the gummy worm and things like that but truthfully, if you’re giving my body the space to actually be a normal human body, then sometimes I can want to be intimate with you but my body has not caught up yet and just like women need foreplay, so do men and so, this is a massage that actually stimulates blood flow, right? 

And so, it’s a great way if you don’t like the gummy worm feeling in your mouth, but also if you’re going straight to putting it in your mouth and it’s still soft, then have you really given him the proper foreplay? And so, it’s a way to stretch out some of your skills, especially when you feel like you’re running out of things to do or things like that but also, to make your partner feel comfortable and letting them know if I can start it then fine, take your time. 

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m not going anywhere. Take your time. I don’t need you to perform for me.”

[0:17:12.7] SJ: I have to say, as a guy, yeah, sometimes, you almost get a little bit worried, like, “Come on. Come on. What am I doing here? Hurry up, hurry up.”

[0:17:22.1] SB: Don’t fail me now, yeah.

[0:17:23.1] SJ: Yeah, it’s again, one of those things, like earlier you mentioned about being honest and telling them what’s going on that guys have all these thoughts in their heads as well, “Am I big enough, am I going to get hard, am I going to last long enough? Is she having a good time?”

[0:17:37.4] SB: Honestly, I’ve talked to a man before and he said that sex had become – started giving him anxiety because there were so many things that he had to worry about for it to be good and he felt like a lot of those things fell on him. The truth is, is that you can’t critique your partner so harshly if you also can’t hold your own. A lot of men really carry sex on their back by themselves. 

They’re expected to make you feel sexy, they’re expected to eat good pussy, they’re supposed to be able to put you in 45 different positions, even though you masturbate in the same one position your damn self. They’re supposed to be able to last 40 hours, even though after one orgasm, you’re tapping out. They’re supposed to be able to do all of these things and yet, when you touch your partner, you just going straight down to his balls and sucking his dick, if you’re even touching the balls. That’s a whole other topic, you know? 

So, I just think – and it’s not to discount the scenario that a lot of women or clitoris owners go through, it’s not to do that, but the thing is that just because women go through these things, does not mean that men do not or penis owners do not go through these things as well and so, we just have to make a safer space.

[0:18:45.1] SJ: I just think, in a way, maybe knowing that maybe everyone’s actually – or almost everyone’s going through some version of these feelings, it’s kind of reassuring that I guess, we’re all so focused on our own insecurities and issues that maybe, you know, we’re not actually as concerned with judging our partner or what have you. Could you talk a little bit about maybe, you know, setting the atmosphere, like, do you have tips for that or ideas like music, lighting, smells?

[0:19:17.0] SB: Absolutely. So, my go-to trick is the five senses. So, when you tap into the five senses, that’s the physical, right? So, what does it smell like? If it still smells like fried chicken from last night or you made lima beans for dinner, like, that’s not really what I want to smell right now, and also sometimes, we discount the things that we don’t think or bothering us. We’re not saying that something is wrong, we’re saying we’re trying to heighten the senses. 

We’re trying to get the body fully engaged, fully present, and a good example of using the senses is like, when you go on vacation and you’re at the beach, right? No matter what is going on, all of a sudden, you can feel that breeze. Like, “Oh wow, it’s a light breeze out here.” Or, you can really feel the sun. You’re very aware of what you’re feeling, you can smell the sea salt, you can smell the food, you can smell the coconut or the food that’s been prepared nearby. 

You can hear every squawk from the bird, you can hear the kids play, you can hear the shores, and like, you can feel everything, you’re present. You are present, and if your partner is going through everything you’re going through and their own things and so, what foreplay is doing is really bringing them to you, and saying, “I don’t want to give you something and you’re numb. You’re numb right now.” 

They’re not going to really feel that pleasure and so, when you tap into the five senses, it wakes them up. It’s like walking into a place and all you smell is warm vanilla candles and you’re like, “Hmm, it smells good in here.” You feel that over your body. When the temperature is right or you get into a pool, and it’s not freezing but it’s like, nice and warm, you’re like, “Oh wow.” And you release tension. 

Like, right now, someone is listening to this episode, and their tongue is stuck at the top of their mouth, their shoulders are hunched up, their eyebrows are scrunched. They are not relaxed and that doesn’t change in sexual scenarios. So, my quick tip is to go to the five senses and so, some people are like, “Well, what about – Look, I don’t always want to wear lingerie.” Okay, it’s not always just how you look, sometimes it’s how the space looks. 

If you have diapers and baby toys and shit, all over your room, I’m sorry, but as soon as I see Paw Patrol, my dick might get a little soft. Like, because now, I’m thinking about the kids. Like, “Can you put up Chase now? Can you put Chase and him up, please?” Like, can you put your clothes in the hamper? Can you – you know what I’m saying? Like, make your bed. It don’t look sensual in here. Like, it looks like I need to clean up. 

Now, I’m distracted and you don’t have to wear lingerie, you can wear some thigh-high socks and we sell them on our website and we did them so that where they fit all thigh sizes, right? But even putting some thigh highs on with a T-shirt or his T-shirt or her T-shirt. Even just putting on something that you feel cute in, like, tying up your hair, like, you haven’t washed your hair and now it’s oily, it’s sticking to me. 

You know, what are they seeing, what are they smelling, what are they feeling, and what are they tasting? Give them a glass of wine or give them a cup of fresh fruit juice, you know what I’m saying? Something that’s going to revitalize them, like, squeeze some fresh watermelon, something for them to taste, touch, smell, all the things, and that is a quick tip on setting the atmosphere as well as just showing up in appreciation, not expectation.

Because, if – be honest, when you first met your partner, you were excited about touching them, you were excited about this endeavor and now, it’s a responsibility and nobody wants to feel like that in such an intimate setting when they are butt ass naked. Nobody wants to feel like a responsibility.

[0:22:42.6] SJ: Yeah, yeah. That kind of attitude.

[0:22:45.7] SB: Absolutely.

[0:22:46.4] SJ: I like that, appreciation not expectation.

[0:22:49.0] SB: Yeah. Appreciation because at the end of the day, you guys are each other’s portal, such as getting out of this world sometimes. Like, it’s very heavy, and when you allow your partner to just be themselves in your mouth? Honey, it’s just – I think it’s just a beautiful thing.

[0:23:06.1] SJ: Good, that’s pretty good.

[0:23:08.6] SB: Yeah. Like, do you actually like your partner? Do you actually like your partner? Do they deserve this? Do they deserve it? And if they don’t, that’s a whole other topic but if they deserve it, just let them know, like, “I really appreciate you.” And words of affirmation. When it comes to hearing, yes, you can put on – try, also try putting on music that has no words. When the mind hears words, whether they understand them or not, it works because it’s trying to process them.

Try to take all of that burden off your partner, turn on maybe some meditation music or even just a Lo-fi or jazz or something possibly without words, or record if they have an affirmation playlist. If you get embarrassed and you don’t want them to see you, put a blindfold on your partner. It doesn’t have to be a blindfold if that’s what’s intimidating. Find something that feels familiar, like a silk shirt or scarf, and tie it around their eyes and just say, “I made you something, I’m a little embarrassed, I don’t want to talk about it.”

But – and record something on a voice note in the end and just say, “Babe, I love you and I know I don’t say it enough but I just – I wanted to talk to you and tell you and just thank you for protecting me, thank you for listening to me, and just know that you know, I really just want to make you feel good and I know that you like this, I know that you like that.” And you’re really going down on him while he’s listening to this in his headphones on his ears with his eyes closed.

So now, you’re doing something different, something exciting and just speaking words of affirmation and support into your partner and you’re just saying all the things you know they like or other things that they needed to hear. You’re just letting them know, “I love you, I love you and I just hope that you relax in my mouth.”

[0:24:47.1] SJ: Jesus, yeah, that’s incredible.

[0:24:51.1] SB: It’s a good class, I’m trying to tell you.

[0:24:52.6] SJ: Yeah.

[0:24:54.5] SB: Yeah. So yeah, words of affirmation, sometimes your partner just needs to be lifted up and all of us are so full of trauma, right? And how does trauma get in? Trauma gets in when something happens while we’re vulnerable, right? Okay, well, guess what? Every yin has a yang and so now, you are combating your partner’s trauma’s insecurities when they are again in a vulnerable situation. 

But this time, when they’re open you’re going to throw in good things, not the trauma things, right? And now, you have sex magic and they’re relaxing, they’re healing, and they’re getting so attached to this with you, with you if you really care. There’s a lot of accountability for sure. 

[0:25:34.3] SJ: So, when you get down to the giver gets into giving a blowjob, do you recommend they just use one technique over and over again from start to finish or should they spice it up, use a bunch of techniques? 

[0:25:48.3] SB: Oh, let’s spice this shit up. Now, what I will say is that understanding it’s just like photography. You can know how to do a lot of things but you still have to talk to the client and figure out what is it that they want from what you have, right? And so, when you’re practicing skills and knowing skills, we go over a lot of different things in the past like some toys and how to use them or things like that and you don’t have to use these things with your partner. 

But it is a great way to offer information to them because sometimes they’ve never experienced these things. Some men have never had a small vibrator on their gooch or on their balls or something that vibrates in your mouth and you’re putting it on top of them or they’ve never, you know, had a lingam massage before and so giving them options and saying like, “Hey babe, I took this class and we talked about a lot of different things and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“So, do you mind, you know, stepping in for me so I can kind of practice the class on you and see what you like and don’t like or you can help me adjust?” And they’ll be like, “Hell yeah.”

[0:26:47.7] SJ: I don’t know many guys, yeah, I don’t know many guys that would turn that down. 

[0:26:53.4] SB: They’re like, “Hell, yes.” So – 

[0:26:55.4] SJ: You want some free money? 

[0:26:56.5] SB: Yeah, okay, hell yeah, like so it’s a [inaudible 0:26:59], okay. Like, so it’s just like – and so you can cut on the light and now you can say, “Okay, do you like this?” And then they say, “Okay, I don’t, just a little softer” or “Go a little longer, I need more to see.” And so you can take note of what your partner likes but I do teach a wide range of things because you should be able to. Everybody can’t deep throat. 

I actually give some modifications so that it can feel like deep-throating in the class or if you just can’t deep-throat, right? And then also incorporating your hands, incorporating toys, incorporating temperature play, you know what I mean? And also incorporating your own body as well and so it just helps you so that way you can last way longer and just give head. Like, set a timer for yourself. 

Say, first of all, set a timer, see how long you can go by yourself, period. After that – and also creating a little sex playlist and not songs that they like. When you say and try this out, please, feel free to do, you’ve got to get creative. Just try this out, you all. Say, “Okay, I really want to get into giving head more and I want to practice more and I want to learn to enjoy it more.” Because if you don’t enjoy it, you don’t enjoy it but you could want to. 

As long as you want to enjoy it, that’s what you’re here for, and say, “So, I just want to give you head if that’s okay but I made a playlist because this playlist makes me feel sexy as fuck. It makes me feel like a badass and so I’m going to play it. Is that okay?” And most likely they’re going to say yes and so now, you can have an idea of how long you’ve been going for because you curated the playlist. 

If you know that it’s ten songs, you know that it’s ten songs, right? But a lot of people are sucking dick and the same song is still on by the time you’re done and this ain’t even 80s songs, so they don’t even last ten minutes with the doo-wops number. That is a two-minute and 37-second song. So, if you listen to a Jhené Aiko album lately, them songs are two minutes, two minutes tops. 

So, you sucking dick in the same song is still on, that’s not cool. So, making a playlist is really helpful but also it helps keep you in track, so you know after the first song goes off, you know your mouth gets, you know, it gets tired. Okay, don’t give them lazy head. Let’s not do that because that’s not cool. Switch to a different technique to give your mouth a break or give your hands a break or to just not be boring or whatever but also go off with your partner once. 

If your partner only likes to be sucked on way or they only cum one way or whatever, you still have to cater to that but yes, you should definitely try different toys and not necessarily really good toys, okay? Ladies, hear me out, that cheap vibrator that you’re like, “Oh, this don’t do nothing for me?” It might be soft enough in pressure that it’s great for sticking under his balls or under the gooch or even slipping in his ass while you’re giving him a blowjob. 

And so, now, you’re spinning that pleasure into places or you can use that vibrator and run it across his nipples and put your hands up while you twist one and run the vibrator across his other nipple while you are deep throating and you’re looking straight up at him. You know, like, come on now, get into it. Like, I like to show off, I do. I do like to show off because I might have been acting crazy earlier but at least I am sucking the dick crazy too. 

[0:30:00.2] SJ: So, what are your thoughts then? Speaking of really getting into it, what are your thoughts on kind of a messy blowjob or a super wet blowjob? 

[0:30:08.4] SB: So, honestly, I am not going to lie to you, I am a Virgo moon so I do like things everything in their place. So, I’m not the messiest head giver but I’m aware that a lot of men like that and so first of all, I always ask just like along with the pressure question, “Do you like it messy or not?” If they say like it messy, I’m just going to have to pull back my hair or figure out what, how do I like feeling messy?

Would I prefer shirt on or would I prefer shirt off? What makes me, like, messy more, and what I found is that when he likes messy, I overall get into a more kinky place because if I don’t like mess that’s okay but who do I need to be to like what he wants, right? Because I am doing this for you. So now, I am getting into character because they said they want this shit sloppy, so I am about to, what do I need to do, and who do I need to be to give you that. 

And so, I am definitely a person who is into role play or even just setting the aesthetic to match with what he wants. So, if he wants sloppy, then I am going to spit on it, I am going to look at you and say, “Like this? Do you need it? Why don’t you tell me.” Or, “Fuck my face, I need help. Like, I need help, like it’s fine.” Like changing your voice but talking to him and telling him the truth, “I’m sorry, it’s not.” “Well, then fuck my face like I deserve that shit.” 

Like, whatever you need to be and so – but whatever the person wants, I have no judgments against that. What’s wrong with that, you know what I’m saying? So – 

[0:31:23.3] SJ: I 100% agree because then I think you’re a bit more or both of you with that at it if both partners have that attitude, I think you can both be more free to kind of be in the moment with yourself but also give your partner exactly what they want. 

[0:31:38.1] SB: Exactly what they want and I do, I’m definitely a multiple-character type of person. So, if you tell me that you want it super wet, I’m going to have you fuck my face because it’s a little – it’s much easier for me to just have a whole bunch of wetness and not be trying to swallow because if you try to swallow while someone is fucking your face, you could fuck around and die, we don’t want that. 

It helps and then it just lessens the control of the situation and you kind of use your hands like when you’re going too fast, you kind of like slow them down but also just like, just spitting on it. Like even if your mouth doesn’t make a whole bunch of spit, like suck-suck-suck, and then like, spit that out and keep playing with it. Don’t try to slop it up and ask them like, “Is that what you like?” And sometimes it’s the noise too. 

Make sure that you ask them, sometimes they like the sloppy noise, sometimes more than the sloppiness, you know? But whatever your partner likes is valid. Whatever your partner likes is valid. 

[0:32:29.9] SJ: So, can you talk a little bit about edging, how it can improve a blowjob, and maybe what the giver can do to edge their partner? 

[0:32:39.2] SB: Absolutely. I think edging is one of the most beautiful and rewarding techniques ever and I say that because just because you can have an orgasm doesn’t mean you should right at that moment. So, you know how you can cook some food and technically, it’s done, you won’t be sick but sometimes you like your pancakes with a little bit of crisp on the edges, right? Or sometimes, you like your chicken on the grill with a little bit of crisp. Just because it’s done doesn’t mean you want it like pale and just served like this. Sometimes you want a little bit more but also – 

[0:33:11.8] SJ: Yeah, and you might not wanted it as quick as possible. 

[0:33:14.7] SB: Absolutely, I want this to last. I want to enjoy the pleasure because orgasm and pleasure are two different things. Pleasure is the build-up, it’s the process, it’s the route of us arriving, right? And once you orgasm that is it for most men. So, seeing your attention is a part of this, and if you have steamy retention that energy just circulates through the body and so edging is an avenue for men or penis owners to get access to multiple orgasms just like women do. 

Women can have multiple orgasms over and over and over if they allow themselves to and they don’t stop but men, once they ejaculate, they go all the way back and they have to go to that refractory period where they have to get their blood back up, right? And so, when you edge your partner, first of all, you should notice. You notice when that vein starts sticking out when you do a certain thing, you know that that’s when they’re about to cum. 

You know his finisher moves, right? And so, when that happens, I adjust the pressure, I adjust the speed, I might take my mouth off of it altogether or I might say or I might just stop and say, “You better not fucking cum, you better not cum. Not yet.” Like, “Not yet, not yet, like I’m not done. I’m not done with you. I’m not done with you.” And so move that pleasure to another place and start kissing his thighs or just lick at his balls or the gooch. 

You don’t want to take it away so abruptly but you want to divert his attention somewhere else, so that way so you can relax and so moving up and going up to his mouth and kissing him and working your way down, like you’ll notice the back will start to arch. You’ll notice the characteristics of his body because now he is going to be having an orgasm like he is going to be having – it’s literally happening in his body, without him ejaculating. 

So, orgasms and ejaculations are not together all the time, it’s just most of the time we do it that way but you don’t have to, you don’t have to ejaculate to feel an orgasm and so, you give your partner access to multiple orgasms when you do it that way and it just takes some time and practice for sure and patience because a lot of times, like to cum, he’s telling you to just sit on it and let’s go. So, it takes some restraint but – 

[0:35:21.5] SJ: Yeah, some self-control. What about positions? Like maybe you want to be, say, more dominant. Maybe the giver wants to be more dominant when they’re giving a blowjob, are there certain positions and they could want to be submissive as well, are there positions you’d recommend for that? 

[0:35:37.5] SB: So, I think it depends. I try to go for comfort because I try to go for longevity, right? So, whatever position you choose, I try to encourage people to make sure that you can sit in it for at least 10 minutes, right? So, and honestly, what makes me feel more in control and more dominant is actually giving head by surprise, not necessarily the occasion. So, say he’s in their cooking or doing the dishes and you just go in the kitchen and saying, “Do you mind if I suck your dick? I’m in the mood.” Like, that is dominant because, “Girl, what?” 

[0:36:10.4] SJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re just taking control of the situation. 

[0:36:13.2] SB: Absolutely. 

[0:36:14.3] SJ: We’re going to do what I want to do not what you want to do. 

[0:36:15.7] SB: Absolutely, and so sometimes surprises I think are really good for becoming dominant just like really catching a partner off guard as well as, and believe it or not, getting your face fucked to me is one of the most dominant positions because I am really challenging you. I could fuck around and choke, you know what I’m saying? And so, I’m like, “No, fuck my face.” And I am going to say it with such assertiveness that you’re like, “Damn, for real?” 

“Yes, I want you to do all the things I know that you want to do. I know you want to degrade my face. It’s okay, I give you consent to, I’ll give you consent to do that.” Like, who do I need to be for you right now? Like, I can’t stress that enough because also when I want something after you consent, I don’t give a fuck. I’m here to feel, to feel with you and I just don’t want those stipulations and it’s vice-versa. 

[0:37:05.3] SJ: I like it, yeah. 

[0:37:07.0] SB: Yes, so. 

[0:37:12.2] SJ: So, do have advice, Samia, for those giving a blowjob on how they can talk to their partner and say, you know, for instance, like, “I love going down on you but like you know, just cheese down here, you’re eating too much asparagus.” 

[0:37:28.5] SB: Oh my God, oh my God. 

[0:37:29.4] SJ: Can you switch to the pineapple? 

[0:37:31.9] SB: Sean, I’m so – that’s so real, that’s so real. Yeah, that’s very real and I think that honestly happens with women and men. So, first and foremost, I tell people the type of soap that you use matters and so this is just a shameless plug but also what I actually do. So, I do, like we’re sexual extensions, all the extensions of sex and hygiene is one of those things. Using the proper soap, ladies, fellow, penis owners, vagina owners, turtles, whoever is doing the do, we have Yoni oil and a Yoni wash. 

And I tell people all the time the wash is so gentle you can use it on your face but men should be using something like that as well. It helps with you matching your PH to your partner like you know your partner should be using the same soaps on your genitals, right? So, that way there is less issues for PH because when your PH is off, it’s naturally going to create the smell in both of you. 

Next, I like the hair cut down. If you personally do not care for your body in that way, like I honestly, I don’t feel comfortable when they cut down like that. I’m always going to respect that but I also have no problem with making that request because if I am sucking dick and there’s hair in my mouth, like your dick is leaving out and there’s still hair in my mouth, I’m getting uncomfortable, I am getting distracted, and I feel like I need floss. 

And so, I am going to tell you and most times, he’s going to want his dick sucked well, so he is going to comply. Also, bodily fluids are bodily fluids, like no one should have to be embarrassed about that. I think it’s how you talk to your partner, just saying, “So, I really want to swallow more but it’s like, it’s still kind of bitter. Do you know, have you ever – you know, are there any things that you think that we can try?” 

Like, “Maybe we can both try some fruit juices.” Or taste yourself, like before I get out the shower, I run my hand clean through those lips and I ask myself, “Would you eat it? Would you eat it? Would you eat it?” And if the answer is no, then you need to stay your ass in the shower. So, there is that but I think that these are natural conversations that people should not feel embarrassed about. 

I think if you are talking to someone that’s making you feel embarrassed and no one can make you feel anything but they’re talking to you aggressively or they are being more condescending and they are kind of embarrassing you, I think you can let them know like, “Hey, if there is any issues just let me know.” But also asking first so that way you could take that element of embarrassment out and like, “Hey, how do I taste like? Is everything okay?” 

Or, “You know, I know I’ve been really healthy lately and I’m just, you know, wondering is that affecting you or anything?” That way, your partner also has a safe place to give you that criticism without having to worry about how to deliver it. So, having sexual check-ins I think is very important, and then also swallowing is not for everybody. It’s still nut, you all, it doesn’t taste — it will not taste good. 

It won’t taste great. It’s going to taste like nut but at the same time, we all have our things, like when partners are eating out their vaginal owner partners, they are eating your insides, okay? Like, it’s not skin, like when you give a blowjob, it is your insides and on the other end, swallowing is not easy. There is a huge gag that you have to suppress. So, having empathy for your partner, understanding like, “No, I know this is kind of hard.” And it’s fine. 

And even just saying, you know, “Hey, I really want to be more conscious about sexual health. I want to be wetter, I want to be creamier. Will you try this with me? Like, I just want to see can we change how we taste, do you mind trying this with me?” There are so many teas like fenugreek is a tea that will make you taste like maple syrup because a lot of women that are breastfeeding will use it to help make extra milk. 

But one of the side effects is that it smells like maple. So, try incorporating some fenugreek into your diet and just asking yourself, are you drinking enough water? You can’t be offended if your partner is right. If they say you tasting like gasoline and you drink Hennessy and Cognac and you know what I’m saying, McDonald’s every day, you can’t be mad at them for being right. You probably will taste like gasoline, I wouldn’t swallow that shit either. 

What does your diet look like? Like, people get so offended when things strike a nerve but it doesn’t change the fact that I might be right. I am responsible for how I deliver information to you but if it’s right, it’s right. So, you got to ask yourself, are you mad because you want your partner to just be okay with whatever the hell you give them? And a lot of women will get on these podcasts, get on these mikes, and talk about how men don’t deliver. 

But at the same time, men will tell you they have a very hard time criticizing, they have a hard time saying they don’t want to have sex because they feel like they’re required to. They have a hard time critiquing their partner and so, we’ve had years of criticizing men. It’s time to open the door for it to be balanced. 

[0:42:12.7] SJ: I hear you. What about, let’s say we get to the end of the blowjob, you’re noticing these signs, your partner with a penis is tensing up, they’re about to come, about to have an orgasm. Do you have any tips for finishing them off? 

[0:42:26.3] SB: So, I do like to add a little bit of a wow factor because when you feel that they’re about to cum, I think adding some word of affirmation and I do think that talking to your partner to figure out what they like to hear, what words they like to hear matters because you really add that nasty little kink on the end and it bursts the orgasm, you know what I’m saying? It really gets them there. 

So, say it as a kind of quiet and it’s just the natural noise in sex but say, you get to the end and they’re about to cum, you can really guide them, of course, and then we’ll just let them know, “I kind of feel it, like, don’t let them rush you, take your time babe. Take your time.” Like, or, “Oh shit, it’s coming.” Like, let them know it’s turning you on, start rubbing your own pussy, like, start moving your nipples. 

Like, you match their body, you get more aggressive, you get more into your prowl state that you’re like, “Oh my God, like, am I doing that to you? Am I doing that?” Like, ask him, like, “Right there, stay right here?” Or show them that it’s arousing to you that they’re aroused. How can you reciprocate that energy versus just looking like a statue, you know what I’m saying? Like, if they’re about to cum and you feel it, grab them somewhere else. 

Rub somewhere else, like move your hands around, what can you change up without actually changing up what you’re doing because you don’t want them to lose their nut, right? But playing into that. Like – and telling them “Thank you.” Like, “Oh, thank you.” Like appreciating the orgasm. You got to get them a little kinky. It’s okay if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror afterwards. It’s all right, you’ll be fine. It’ll work. 

That shit will wear off in like 12 hours, I’m going to be fine. I know it because a lot of people, they’re like, “Oh my God, I can’t say that.” Yes, you can, stay and initiate. Like, it’s so sexy and so bold, no matter how you look, no matter how you’re taught, when you look at somebody and you are confident about what you can give them, they’re going to get turned on because they’re so fucking inquisitive. 

All of us need pleasure, all of us secretly desire to be able to be selfish in the bedroom. That might not be all we want but we want to know that we can want what we want without having to fucking validate it all the time. If you are with this partner, then they deserve it, and if they don’t deserve it, then I’m looking at you, not them. If they don’t deserve it and you with them, then that’s a different problem. 

This should not be the issues if you’re choosing the right partner, if you’re having a healthy relationship. How can I show up for you if I’m doing this for you? And you’ll get it back and you’ll get it back, I promise you, you’ll give it back twofold, I promise you.

[0:44:53.5] SJ: Honestly, I think, sometimes, being selfish in the bedroom is a good thing. It’s a turn-on for a lot of people to be sort of your partner has to have you.

[0:45:03.8] SB: Yeah, like, you could tell, once you start making your partner feel safe in your mouth, whenever something is wrong, you are where they will desire to be. You are where they will desire to be. It just – it’s better. Most people are not having the best sex of their life with the love of their life, they’re not. They like having sex with other people because other people don’t care, they’ll just give them what they want. 

So, let’s try to bridge that gap where the best sex of your life is coming from the love of your life. You have to one up because they are emotionally attached to you but physically, just be vulnerable and accept that you’re not perfect at everything. It’s just like, a lot of people say, “Samia, you are so transparent.” It breaks down yours, nothing can be used against me if I acknowledge it first. 

I interviewed a couple and she’s like, “I’m so bad at giving head,” but he gets so turned on because she’s so adamant about trying. And they end up laughing and I am not going to lie to you all, when you start laughing during sex, that makes them harder than arithmetic, okay? Like, when you start laughing, and men love to have fun.

[0:46:06.1] SJ: Yeah, and it takes the pressure off.

[0:46:06.4] SB: That’s why I hang around with boys.

[0:46:08.1] SJ: It takes the pressure off, you know?

[0:46:09.5] SB: It does and being sexy and goofy and effort goes so far, you got – people think that they want it to be like porn, and sometimes people do but I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about the love of your life, the person that you are with. Like, just good sex. Like, give them the benefit of the doubt, be yourself, be honest, and don’t shrink just because you’re not the best at something. 

What is beautiful is if you are trying and if you’re talking to them and you’re letting your partner know, “I really want to get better at giving head this year.” And talk to them about what you need from them to do that. Just say, “Teach me how to be your best. I want to be your number one, like, what do I need to do?” And there has not been one man I’ve ever been with that I’m like, “Oh, who is your top three? What was it about it?” 

“I want to know because if you think that I’m not leaving here trying to be in your top three, you’re crazy” Like, “What do I need to do? Like, teach me.”

[0:46:58.9] SJ: Samia, I think that’s a great place to end the podcast. This has been incredible. This has been like – 

[0:47:05.0] SB: Sure.

[0:47:05.7] SJ: A Ph.D. in sucking dick.

[0:47:08.4] SB: I know, right? So, it’s mad arousing to even just talk about the words, you know what I mean? And just, and so, I definitely hope that whoever is listening, and even for yourself, that this energy translates because men and penis owners, they do deserve sensuality. They do, they deserve sensuality, they deserve full-on effort and that’s what I’m here to do, to help people create intimate life they desire. 

It just, it literally starts with just telling the truth because it’s valid. It’s valid. Let us address whatever your truth is and if you can’t do it, do that with your partner, then maybe they aren’t the one, whether you’re the giver or the receiver, you know? So, yeah. 

[0:47:46.3] SJ: I hear you. If people want to get in touch with you, if they want to find out more about your classes, what’s the best way for them to do that, Samia?

[0:47:55.0] SB: Absolutely, absolutely. So, again, my name is Samia, you can follow my podcast or on the social, like on Instagram, Not Just Another Sex Pod, or SE dot Experience and it’s like, it’s experience with the S at the beginning, and so it’s SE dot Experience. So, the “SE” is something that’s constant in all my businesses, that’s my very first business, that’s Sexual Essentials. 

But what I do want to recommend to everyone is that all of my masterclasses are normally sold individually but we’ve actually combined all of them into one purchase. So, you can get all three of them for one price. The Masturbation and Squirting 101, the Dick Riding 101, and the Mouth Masterclass, and I really love it because it’s just – that masturbation and squirting class is also going to help you know a lot about yourself and I absolutely encourage – if you have a vulva-owning partner, you should watch it, even if you’re a man or whatever because you’re going to learn how they make their body do certain things, just like they’re learning how to do it.

So you might know how to do things that they don’t even know how to do with their bodies. So, it’s really the cheat code and it’s just great, like, we had to go past the average. We have to go past 10-second orgasms. You can have a three-minute orgasm, you could have multiple orgasms as a man and so yeah, like, that is definitely the one and I love that people are taking advantage of it, the, all three classes for the price of one, I’ve heard really good feedback. So, I’ll make sure that I send you over that link as well but all my links or my bios and you know, if anyone needs podcast or production or anything like that, you’re in the States then you can also check out SE Content House. 

But – and just as a side note, I am a van lifer. So, if you’re into the outsides and tiny homes and all of that, you can also check out that page, which is the Charlie Van Café.

[0:49:38.8] SJ: Awesome, well, we’ll put those links in the show notes. Samia, thanks so much for coming on the show.

[0:49:44.9] SB: Thank you so much, Sean, I really enjoyed it. I hope you guys you know, have some really good blowjobs. 

[END OF INTERVIEW]

[0:49:50.8] SJ: One last thing before you go, if you want to hear more podcasts just like this one, open your podcast app, search for Bad Girls Bible, and hit that subscribe button. 

[END]