Few things are as hard as dealing with sexual frustration. Indeed, “frustrating” is part of the phrase! When left unchecked, sexual frustration can ruin your life, not to mention your relationship. But you can learn how to deal with sexual frustration and take control of the situation, so that doesn’t happen.
Dealing with Sexual Frustration When You’re in a Relationship
Some people might assume that the only people who are sexually frustrated are single, but this is far from the truth. Many people aren’t getting what they need from their partners, and it can be especially difficult for women to approach the subject with their man.
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However, it’s as difficult as it is important to do so. Women are so often the ones in sexual relationships who simply “deal” with bad or mediocre sex, and it doesn’t need to be that way. Although sexual frustration isn’t always caused by poor sex (a lack of sex can also be the cause), the following advice will help you cope and hopefully be beneficial to your relationship at the same time!
1. Initiate Sex
More often than not, women leave it to their men to initiate sex. This routine is taxing on both of you. Resentment can build from either of you if you feel pressured or he feels rejected.
If your man isn’t initiating, it may not be because he doesn’t want sex. He may simply be waiting for your cues (and he may not be especially good at picking them up). When you take the initiative, it makes your man feel wanted, switches up routine and can end that feeling of sexual frustration.
Related: If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
2. Become Intimate in Other Ways
There’s nothing like a good orgasm, but your sexual frustration may simply be a result of you not being intimate in other ways. You may be craving emotional intimacy rather than physical intimacy, for example.
Note that fixing emotional intimacy may be all it needs to get you and your man back on the right track, and physical intimacy will soon follow.
3. Talk to Your Man
Is there a chance that you can be having more or better sex if you talk about whatever your issues are? If working on emotional intimacy or initiating sex hasn’t worked, then it might be time to talk about sex like a mature adult.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. Talking about sex can be quite trying. That’s why we’ve written an excellent guide to talking about sexual communication.
If you can talk about and work through sexual issues, you can accomplish pretty much anything together.
In some cases, you may not be able to fix issues that are causing a lack of sex. Injury, illness, and distance are all things that can get in the way of a good sex life. But it doesn’t mean you can’t take matters into your own hands.
If you want to know more about female masturbation, skip down to the section about masturbating.
One thing we want to address is whether it’s okay to masturbate when you’re in a relationship. It absolutely is! It can be hot when you masturbate for your man, and it’s one of the best ways of dealing with sexual frustration. Some people feel the need to lie about masturbating or the desire to do so, but you shouldn’t feel like you have to lie to your man – and certainly not to yourself!
Masturbation can also be a good way to stop feeling horny.
5. Allow Yourself to Feel
No matter why you’re feeling sexual frustration, it’s not a feeling that anyone likes. Most people assume their relationship means they’ll have sex fairly consistently. Not having sex can take a toll on your relationship.
Even so, you might feel guilty about your feelings of frustration, which is okay. Allow yourself to experience the emotion, then let it go. If you can’t, it’ll only spell trouble for your relationship down the road.
How to Deal with Sexual Frustration When You’re Single
Sexual frustration might be easier to deal with when you’ve got a partner, but it’s definitely not impossible to deal with when you’re single. There are a few ways to deal with feeling sexually frustrated.
This solution is a no-brainer, and there’s certainly room to masturbate if you’re in a relationship. Some women might feel like using masturbation to deal with sexual frustration is the last resort, but we caution against feeling that way. Masturbation, even when you have a partner, can feel different. Because you’re not worried about someone else’s needs, you have permission to be selfish and focus on your own needs. You certainly don’t need to brush your teeth or do your hair before getting down with yourself. Plus, you can do anything a partner might not be into.
For those who are new to masturbation, who want a refresher or simply want to try something new, we have tons of good advice. Check out the following articles on female masturbation to get started.
- 7-Step Guide for Women to Masturbate
- 14 Powerful Masturbation Techniques
- How to Finger Yourself for Maximum Pleasure
Plus, it’ll be smart to check out all 12 erogenous zones so you know how to get maximum satisfaction. Read more about erogenous zones here.
2. Use Sex Toys
Using a sex toy is technically a way to masturbate, but there’s such a wealth of information available – and we’ve written much of it! – that we wanted to list it separately. Sex toys can help you orgasm if you experience trouble, take stress off your hands and produce more powerful orgasms. Of course, they add variety, which we all know is the spice of life!
If it’s power you want, then you should reach for a vibrator. Learn how to use a vibrator. Not every situation calls for vibration, however. If it’s penetration you want, then you need a dildo. Read more about using your dildo for intense orgasms in this post.
Those are far from the only types of sex toys…
3. Find a Casual Partner
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have sex. It’s usually pretty easy for a woman to find a man who is willing to have sex with her. You might even have an ex (Psst having sex with your ex could be a bad idea — find out why!) or some friends who would be up to the task. In the age of the Internet, you can use Tinder to find a hookup, or you can just head to a bar.
However, you should be careful when it comes to safety. So no hardcore BDSM on the first “date.” Looking for more advice? Discover why casual sex is both risky and amazing.
Psst – are you worried that NSA sex and casual situations might make you a slut?
4. Get Rid of Your Extra Energy
Is your sexual frustration more a result of having too much energy than really being aroused? If you exhaust your body and mind, you won’t feel so sexually frustrated at the end of the day.
someways to expel energy, including:
- Taking on new projects at work.
- Spending time at the gym.
- Organizing your home.
- Starting a DIY project.
- Picking up a new (or forgotten hobby).
Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list (no pun intended), but it gives you an idea of where to go from here. If you fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, then you won’t be concerned with how to deal with sexual frustration.
5. Allay Your Fears
Let’s face it; sometimes a person feels sexually frustrated, and it’s compounded by a million other thoughts. Perhaps you miss your ex, are afraid you’ll never find love again, are worried you’re not desirable, so on and so forth. We all have those fears every once in a while, but it’s not healthy to let them take over your brain – and life.
Instead, you should proactively work on problem-solving. Sick of being single? Have too much free time on your hands? Make a new friend or join a book club. Remind yourself how desirable you are with these 7 steps to feel sexy right now. We can wait.
Feel better? Good! Of course, those fears can pop back in from time to time, but it’s your job to remember that you’re more than your thoughts.
6. Recognize That You Don’t Need Sex
Sure, sex is good. It’s amazing. For some of us, sexuality is deeply ingrained into our personalities while others couldn’t seem to care less. If you’re one of the former people, it can be difficult to feel whole when you’re not actively having sex.
However, you don’t need to have sex. Sex has benefits, but not having sex isn’t detrimental to our health or livelihoods. It’s disappointing, and it can lead to anxiety once you finally get over that dry spell, but it’s not a life-or-death situation.
Once you recognize that you don’t need sex, you might even feel a bit of a weight lifted from your shoulders. After all, you’re no longer concerned about finding a man, keeping him interested, sealing the deal or anything else.
7. Find Out Why You’re So Sexually Frustrated
Before we go any further, let us assure you that a healthy sex drive is typically a good thing. Although, it can be frustrating if you’re not sure how to deal with sexual frustration. Medication, menstrual cycle, and hormones can all increase libido, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
In some rare cases, however, it could be a symptom of something that you potentially need to deal with. One such example is persistent genital arousal syndrome, a condition noted by uncontrollable – and often insatiable – arousal . If this sounds like you, it might be time to talk to your doctor.
Discover 5 other reasons you may be so horny.
You might also be frustrated because you’re dealing with accidentally ruined orgasms.
How you deal with sexual frustration is the difference between feeling resentment toward your partner or becoming obsessed with the idea that everyone else is having more sex than you are. You can be happy even if you’re not having massive amounts of sex, but you may be surprised that you can learn how to deal with sexual frustration with less effort than you’d expect.
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