There are lots of reasons you might want to give your guy a massage. For example, he may be enduring a great deal of stress at work, and coming home to a relaxing massage can help to lift his mood and release built up tension. Further, offering the gift of touch is an intimate way of demonstrating how much you care about him.
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If you’ve been hoping he’ll give you a massage, one of the best ways to encourage it is to first give him a massage – a move that helps put him in a different state of mind while offering him an informal demonstration of what to do when it’s his turn to become the masseuse.
While the art of sensual massage provides the perfect lead in to foreplay (you’ll learn everything you need to know about foreplay here) and potentially a long evening of intimacy, the massage doesn’t always have to lead to physical intimacy. It provides the opportunity to be physically close to one another, and it allows the two of you to snuggle, to have “pillow talk” which is extremely important for maintaining clear, open and honest communication.
The truth is, many who are interested in giving him a massage simply don’t. Not because they don’t want to, but because they’re afraid of doing something wrong or of the experience not being pleasing to him. There really is no need to place that kind of pressure on yourself — almost everyone enjoys (and receives substantial benefits) from the power of touch. Plus, massage technique improves tremendously the more often you do it.
If you want to learn how to give him a massage, you’ll find some practical techniques in this guide which will give you a great starting point. However, you don’t have to attempt to master every technique right away. Simply begin by learning just one or two of the techniques.
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Some women find it helpful to think back to the last time you visited a spa and had a massage you thoroughly enjoyed. Recall the experience in your mind, thinking of the techniques, mood and amount of pressure that made it a pleasurable experience. Then start attempting to recreate that experience with your partner. He will appreciate the effort, enjoy the experience…and to be fair, he’ll probably ask for anothervery soon!
Setting The Mood
Think, just for a moment, about the last time you enjoyed a professional massage. The atmosphere was free of clutter, and there was probably a light but refreshing scent in the room which you noticed the moment you arrived, right?
Chances are, you could probably hear relaxing “spa” music playing softly in the background, even if you were simply checking in for your appointment with the receptionist. The lighting in most spas is not exceptionally bright, even in the reception area; however, the room where the massage is to be performed often features dim lighting, pleasant scents and a conducive atmosphere.
In other words, you begin settling into a state of relaxation before even encountering the massage therapist for the first time.
Even though you’re giving him a massage at home, you still want to take a little time (if you have it) to create a zen-like atmosphere in the room where you’ll perform the massage.
The pre-massage set up doesn’t have to take a long time (it usually requires just minutes), nor does it need to be expensive. The prep time should, however, reflect the meticulous concern a spa owner would take to create the appropriate atmosphere.
If you need some additional time to get the room ready, it’s not a bad idea to run him a nice, warm bath, which helps his muscles to relax and assists him in getting ready for this relaxing experience.
There are a number of channels on YouTube offering relaxing, instrumental music perfect for creating a spa-like atmosphere. These videos can range in length from about one hour to eight hours.
There are a number of sites that offer a wide variety of CDs, DVDs and digital downloads of relaxation music (including nature sounds and ambient noise) which are specifically geared toward creating the perfect, relaxing atmosphere. Of course, there are literally thousands of choices available through popular websites like Amazon, iTunes and Google Play. (Popular choices among massage therapists include Carlos Nakai, Celtic Harp Music (Instrumental), and Enya, among others.)
Having dim lighting in the room is perfect for creating a warm, cozy and ethereal atmosphere. Setting several tealight candles around the room will provide just enough light in the room. Aromatherapy candles are also a great way to set the mood in the room, as the sense of smell is actually the most powerful of all our senses. We’ll delve more into aromatherapy in the next section.
Room Fragrances / Aromatherapy
Researchers have discovered that the section of our brains which controls the emotions — the deep limbic center — is directly connected to the olfactory system. Therefore, various scents have a powerful effect upon a person’s mood, and certain scents easily evoke memories based on what has been associated with that scent over time.
Using this knowledge as a foundation, then, the theory behind aromatherapy is that essential oils have a pharmacological effect (although no scientific proof of this has been discovered, preliminary clinical tests have yielded positive results).
Essential oils can be placed in a fragrance diffuser; once a bit of heat is applied (usually by a tealight candle), the oils evaporate into the air, giving off a pleasant and therapeutic fragrance. Essential oils can also be applied directly to the skin by adding a few drops to warm bath water or via massage. (It’s best, though, to ask him if he has any sensitivities to any particular essential oils first).
If you’re trying to decide which aromatherapy oils are best for relaxation (or sensual massage), following is a short list of seven essential oils and their reported effects.
Although lavender has been used for centuries to soothe minor cuts and burns, it has become exceptionally popular in recent years because of its ability to promote feelings of relaxation, to alleviate insomnia, and to relieve headache symptoms.
Chamomile is a highly effective calming agent. It is widely used to promote a good night’s sleep among those suffering from insomnia.
Lemon oil is said to elevate a person’s mood and is said to be highly effective for alleviating both stress and feelings of depression.
Arguably the most popular (and most beloved) among essential oils, the essential oil of vanilla is good for more than improving the taste of food. The essential oil of vanilla is said to have a calming, comforting and relaxing effect.
The seductive, floral and fruity scent derived from the essential oil of jasmine has been lauded by perfumer’s since ancient times. Jasmine is said to serve as an antidepressant, calming the emotions. However, the essential oil of jasmine is also said to have aphrodisiac qualities.
Sandalwood offers a rather distinctive fragrance; in fact, the portion of the tree from which the sandalwood essential oil is derived takes anywhere from five to eight decades to mature. Sandalwood is said to induce a calm, meditative state, to ease away anxiety and anger, and to promote better sleep. Because its fragrance is akin to human pheromone, sandalwood is also considered an aphrodisiac.
Also a popular scent in fragrances, bergamot is said to uplift a person’s mood and to alleviate feelings of anxiety.
Remember, your man’s shirt will be removed during the massage, so the temperature in the room needs to be comfortable for him. A warm sheet (freshly removed from the dryer) and/or a flannel sheet can often help keep him comfortable during the massage.
To be extremely clear, the gift of massage is one of the most powerful gifts you can give to your significant other. It’s intimate, it’s pleasurable and it demonstrates selfless giving. If you aren’t confident, yet, about how to give a massage, don’t put any undue pressure on yourself. It will get better over time.
With that, let’s get started learning some simple, yet effective techniques for giving him a massage.
- NOTE: With each of these, your partner will lay — face down — as you work the muscles of his upper and lower back.
Although not many of us make our own biscuits or other breads from scratch anymore, if you have ever had the experience of kneading dough, this technique will be quite familiar.
In kneading, you’ll use both palms (and wrists) to massage the muscles deeply, using small semi-circles to manipulate the muscles. Using the palm, you’ll apply pressure to the muscles, turning the right hand clockwise and the left hand counterclockwise.
Generally, you’ll alternate from one hand to the other, rhythmically, keeping the wrists relatively straight. (Bending the wrists too far or too much can cause undue stress to your muscles which can lead to pain in the wrist later on).
With stripping, you’ll lay one hand flat against his back, with each of your fingers pressed closely, one to another. Afterward, you’ll place your other hand directly on top, then use the hand on top to apply pressure to the muscles. With stripping, the bottom hand should remain as relaxed as possible.
The goal with stripping is to allow for greater pressure to be applied to the muscle itself which will help his back muscles to relax faster and more completely.
With the fanning technique, you’ll start with both hands laying flat, fingers together, moving slowly and steadily across a muscle. The other hand, also flat with fingers together, goes immediately after the other hand, moving a little farther up or down the back.
With alternating hands, you’ll move slowly across his back, starting either at the shoulders or at the lower back and moving to the opposite end. If you find you need to apply additional pressure, consider folding your fingers inside at the knuckles (but with the fingers still pressed firmly together). You’ll find that by “knuckling” the fingers, applying additional pressure is easy. However, you’ll still want to gauge the amount of pressure he is comfortable with, and adjust appropriately.
4. Deep Tissue Techniques
With deep tissue massage comes less “rhythm”, per se, than other massages. The reason for this is deep tissue massage targets certain trouble spots — areas that hold a great deal of tension and places where stiffness and chronic pain tend to settle.
The shoulders and shoulder blades tend to be an area where many people hold onto the greatest amount of tension. If your guy is a computer whiz and hovers over a computer keyboard all day, or if he tends to handle oversized packages all day, his shoulders may be really tense, tight and out of alignment.
To address the shoulders, start by pouring a bit of massage oil onto your palms, then rub your palms together. By rubbing your hands together, the friction begins to heat the oil, making it more pleasant for him as well as making it easier for you to utilize.
Start by spreading the massage oil across the upper shoulder area (across the trapezius muscles), rubbing your palms gently across the shoulders. You’ll begin to notice that you become attuned to his body, understanding where the tension has settled. You may find that you need to apply a greater amount of pressure; if so, simply place one palm down, then place your other hand on top, positioning your body so that more of your body weight is applied to the area (see the section on stripping).
If you discover muscles that seem to be “in a knot”, don’t move away from those areas. It is often highly effective to simply apply pressure to that area only, until you begin to feel the knot breaking apart or moving. If the knotted muscles feel relatively small, you can apply pressure, using your thumbs, until the muscles begin to become more pliable.
Another trick for particularly tight shoulder muscles — use a tennis ball, rolling it gently but firmly across the shoulders.
5. Using Hot Stones
With hot stone massage, the use of a hot stone allows heat to be transmitted deeply into the muscle tissue. Combined with other massage techniques, this type of massage is quite soothing and relaxing, and allows you to provide him with a deep, relaxing massage without having to apply a great deal of effort.
Warning: Hot stone massages can leave behind painful burns if you aren’t careful (or if left on the skin too long). Therefore, it’s important to remain in the room the entire time you’re giving him a massage with hot stones, and be sure to respond quickly if he mentions the stones are too warm. (It takes mere seconds to go from uncomfortably hot to visible burns that are painful to the touch). Also, never use a microwave to heat the stones; a crock pot will work well.
As the stones are heating, apply a small amount of massage oil onto the section of his back that you’ll be working. When the stones are cool enough for you to hold onto them comfortably, begin by using light ‘effleurage’ strokes, moving slowly but constantly across the back. Start with a stone in both hands, at his shoulders, then work slowly down his back muscles. (To start, keep your strokes close to either side of the spine). Once you get to the lower back, simply move the hands in opposite directions, creating a sort of oblong circle across his back, bringing the stones back toward the shoulders, finishing at the neck.
With hot stones, you never want to stop at any one particular spot or muscle group, as the heat serves to penetrate the muscles. Continue moving the stones across the length of the back, lower back and shoulders until the stones become cool to the touch.
For the sensual massage (leading to foreplay), you’ll probably want to remain as close to him as possible during the entire massage. You may also want to consider a full body massage.
For a few tips on how to give him a massage that leads to something sexual, consider sitting on his buttocks as you massage away the stress from his shoulders and lower back. This just increases your physical contact, leading to greater feelings of intimacy.
The inner thigh area is highly erogenous; thus, after massaging his back muscles, you may ask him to turn over, and while he’s laying on his back, massage the inner thigh. (Be delicate, this area is highly sensitive!)
The area which runs from his belly button to his genitalia is highly erogenous; therefore, you will want to gently massage this region for a few minutes. The tip of his penis (known as the glans area) is highly sensitive and responds well to touch; so, too, is the small ridge where the glans meets his shaft. If you want to move quickly into the erogenous zone, you’ll want to gently massage these areas (you won’t need to apply much pressure). For some great handjob tips, check out this detail guide.
From here, the two of you will move quickly into passionate foreplay. More on that here.
Learning how to give a massage isn’t difficult; it simply takes practice. However, there’s little as effective as the power of touch. Regardless of your motivation, your man is sure to enjoy and fully appreciate your efforts.
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