Senior Sex: How to Get Down When You’re Growing Older

Sex is often thought of as a young person’s game, but adding a few years or decades doesn’t mean you’re an asexual creature. You don’t need to give up your sexuality because others are uncomfortable with it or because your body has changed. Discover how to make senior sex work for you.

Senior Sex and Your Changing Body

Although we only have one body in our lives, the bodies we inhabit as seniors can look, feel and act a lot differently than our younger bodies once did. You may have noticed changes gradually, or they may have come on suddenly. Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve had sex and you’re wondering what’s new in the sex world (the Bad Girls Bible is the place to find out!), but you haven’t given much thought to what’s new with your body.

Here’s how your body may change.

1. Hormones Are Low

After menopause in women (and andropause in men – learn more here), hormone balances drop. Testosterone, the primary hormone involved in desire in both men and women [1], decreases as you age. So you may find yourself wanting sex less than ever.

Estrogen also depletes after menopause – as well as after procedures such as hysterectomies. Low levels of estrogen can make it difficult for you to become wet even if you are aroused.

2. You Feel More Pain

Perhaps you have arthritis or another condition that’s more common with older bodies. It hurts to get out of bed or walk, and sex adds a new potential source of pain. But sex is supposed to feel good rather than bad (unless you’re into pain, of course). Fortunately, there are things you can do to manage pain during sex as you’ll see in a little bit.

3. You’re Less Flexible

Sure, you might not be able to do every position from the Kama Sutra, but that doesn’t mean your sex life has to take a dive. Positions such as the coital alignment technique offer clitoral stimulation and can be a lot of fun. You don’t need an acrobat to enjoy sex!

We list over 100 sex position in our guide. Find one that looks fun and works for you, then try it out.

4. You Heal More Slowly

If you do happen to injure yourself, either from sex or something else, your body requires more time to heal [2]. This is why we advise against pushing yourself too hard. After all, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You can enjoy senior sex even if it’s not the wildest sex of your life.

5. Orgasms Are Less Intense

Orgasms are toe-curling and earth-shaking, right? Maybe not if you’re older. Your orgasms might become less intense and shorter, which might be cause for worry. But keep in mind that in western cultures, there is a lot of misinformation regarding sexual pleasure. This may be a result of pornography videos that depict people having mind-blowing orgasms. Orgasm isn’t necessarily needed in order to have amazing sex. Many people report that their best sexual encounters did not include orgasm

There’s good news, however. This might be the time to learn how to master the art of multiple orgasms.

Read: How to Experience the Joy of Multiple Orgasms

6. Your Mental Health Changes

Finally, your mental health changes as well as your physical health. This is a serious concern for people. Conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer’s impair cognitive function and navigating consent becomes more difficult.

Dementia, for example, can lead to the following:

• Loss of interest in sex
• Increased sexual interest
• Lowered inhibitions
• Detachment

Someone who suffers from a mental condition may find themselves vulnerable to those who want to take advantage. People who find themselves in the role of caretaker of someone who is dealing with these challenges might be too exhausted to engage in sex, or they may be put off by the tasks they must perform for their partner (bathing, bathroom assistance, etc).

Finally, inappropriate sexual behavior can occur both with dementia and Alzheimer’s [3] [4] [5] and may be common with other mental conditions as well. Inappropriate behavior may mean stripping or masturbating in front of others or aggressive sexual behavior.

Of course, many people experience reasonable sex lives despite these challenges [6]. You’ll need to discuss your options with your partner and doctor.

Do you have a low sex drive? Learn what might be causing your low sex drive.

7. Your Partner Has Erection Difficulties

Although it’s not your body in question, this is an important change that affects senior sex. Older men typically experience more problems getting and staying erect [7] [8], and their erections aren’t as powerful as before. ED can cause shame and embarrassment for men, so it’s important for you to be understanding.

Remember that you might not experience all of these changes, and the way your mind and body react to aging might be different than the next person.

How to Have the Best Senior Sex

We’ve discussed the difficulties of older sex, and now we’re going to tell you how to make it awesome, anyway! Here are the things you need to enjoy senior sex as much as possible.

Communication

Knowing how to talk about sex is an essential skill for a great sex life no matter your age. But it perhaps becomes more important for senior sex. Communicating about sex isn’t easy, however. That’s why we wrote the guide to talking about sex.

Check it out.

Lube

If you’ve never had to use lube before, you might wonder if needing it makes you less of a woman. The answer? Of course not!

We recommend using lube to all readers of the Bad Girls Bible. It makes sex slicker and smoother. You can go longer without any discomfort, and it’s perfect for quickies when you don’t have as much time to warm up.

Learn more about lube in this post.

Foreplay and Slow Sex

Foreplay really should be considered essential and not optional at all stages in life. It helps get you in the mood and wet, and it makes penetration feel that much better. Foreplay can including making out, manual stimulation, sensual massage or even sexting during the day. Discover 22 foreplay techniques you’ll both love.

Foreplay is certainly a crucial component of slow sex, which might become your preferred type of senior sex. Slow sex means you have plenty of time to enjoy every sensation, communicate with your partner and try everything you’ve ever wanted to do in the bedroom!

It’s also worth paying attention to the fact that as our bodies change, its important to understand that what once felt good, may not anymore. Sex can look and feel very different over time and it is certainly not limited to penetration

You might realize that there’s no rush to sex and finally give yourself the opportunity to bask in it.

Wanna try slow sex? Discover how.

Hormone Replacement Therapy

One option to deal with low hormone levels and symptoms caused by low hormones such as vaginal dryness is hormone replacement therapy [9]. Topical applications (patches, gels or creams) or pills can add much-needed estrogen back into your system [10]. Many women take estrogen supplements after menopause, but increasing testosterone might be the best option for you if you want to increase your sex drive [11].

You should talk to your doctor to determine whether hormone replacement therapies might be right for you.

Position Aids

Perhaps you’ve used a pillow to lift your hips to get perfect G-spot stimulation. When it comes to senior sex, pillows can relieve stress on joints and pressure points. You can use your regular pillow; although pillows made from memory foam might provide more support and they should help you get into and stay in a sex position such as doggie style for longer and without pain.

Medication

Medicine can solve a variety of problems you might run into as part of your healthy senior sex life. The “little blue pill” can help your partner maintain an erection.

Sex Toys

A variety of sex toys can help make senior sex better (although, they’re awesome no matter your age!)

• Cock rings prevent blood from leaving the shaft of the penis, and we’re sure you can see why this is beneficial to senior sex. They’re available in a variety of stretchy materials as well as hard wood, glass or metal versions. A penis ring can also benefit you if there’s a vibrating attachment. More here.
• Penis sleeves add girth and length to your partner’s penis, enabling you to feel truly filled even if his erection is softer than it once was.
• Vibrators provide more intense stimulation, leading to stronger orgasms with less effort. They also give your hands a break.
• Dildos of the right size and shape might bring your G-spot to life, and they’re great to use both by yourself and with a partner.
• Kegel toys allow you to exercise your PC muscles. This can lead to increased sensitivity and stronger orgasms, and your partner will likely enjoy it when you can squeeze your muscles around him!
• Penis pumps use suction to draw blood into the penis, aiding his erection and potentially making him larger.

Check out the 20 sex toys we recommend.

Sexual Alternatives

For instances when penetration is impossible or simply not preferred, you can try other options. Everything from sensual massage to mutual masturbation to outercourse offers a way for you to be sexually intimate. Don’t forego your sex life just because penetration is an issue!

A New Attitude About Sex

The most important tool in your senior sex arsenal might be your attitude about sex. If you can adjust your view of what sex is and should be, you might find yourself being more satisfied. If you can’t do this, you might feel disappointment or resentment that your body or your partner can’t provide you with the sex you’re used to.

You might have to come to terms with the fact that sex is less rough, not spontaneous, shorter or requires more preparation than it once did. However, acceptance of this fact can go a long way to a satisfying sex life, even in your senior years.

The Good Things About Senior Sex

Sex, when you’re older, might look different from young sex, but not everything is a challenge or a risk. For example, you’re probably not worried about getting pregnant, which means no birth control. Although, you might still want to use protection against STIs.

Read all about STI symptoms and signs for women.

Secondly, you’ve got a lot of experience, so you know what you want. And you’re more likely to ask for it rather than when you were young and only trying to please your partner. Senior sex can be selfish sex – in a good way!

You can also take this time to focus on romance, which may have been forgotten for a time when your hormones took over. Remember that sex is a way to show your partner how much you love and care about him, to feel safe and to strengthen your relationship.

Related: How to Make Love for a Deeper Connection

Peggy Kleinplatz found that the older people get the better sex gets because they stop focusing on being self conscious and instead focus on oneness and vulnerability. Additionally, she actually found that orgasm wasn’t essential to having great sex.

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