How To Masturbate (For Women): 7 Step Orgasmic Guide

While everyone seems to know the Bad Girl’s Bible as the place where you can learn how to drive your man wild with pleasure, today I want to take a slightly different approach and teach you everything there is to know on masturbation and giving yourself incredible orgasms.

I’ve also included some detailed illustrations so you really understand what’s going on and how to get the most pleasure possible when masturbating.

Quick Note: If you want to learn my most powerful dirty talking phrases, tips & techniques, then you will learn a lot from this dirty talking tutorial video. Enjoy!

fingering yourself masturbation techniques

Learning how to masturbate is fun and completely natural. The great thing with masturbation is that you are learning about your body. You are finding out what feels good to have touched, caressed and stimulated and you are learning about what areas of your body are most sensitive. So understanding how your body reaches orgasm by masturbating regularly is going to make it much easier to orgasm with your partner during sex.

While this guide will show you how to get started on the path to giving yourself some nice ‘O’s, there is one thing that I’d like you to know before reading on.

Different people respond to different things. You may find that certain techniques or sensations do nothing for you, while they work wonders for others.

The key is finding out what works for you by using my guide as…a guide, together with a little bit of trial and error. So we’re going to start out with making sure you fully understand your body, then you’ll learn why putting yourself in the right mindset is crucial and only then we’ll get to some of the best ways to masturbate (you can skip right to them by clicking here). Also, if you want my more advanced masturbation techniques, then you should check out this detailed article here.

Step #1 – Your Anatomy

I know you may want to jump straight to the “How To” section, but please read this section on your anatomy first, it will ultimately help you have much more powerful orgasms every time you masturbate!


The diagram above shows all the important parts of the outside of your vagina.

Clitoral Hood – At the top of the vagina, you can see your clitoral hood. This is the little flap of skin that covers your clitoris. It doesn’t serve much purpose other than to protect your very sensitive clitoris from getting hurt.

Clitoris – Your clitoris is probably the most important part of your body when masturbating with your fingers. It’s that tiny nub of skin full of nerve endings that feels incredible when stimulated correctly. As you can see from the diagram, it’s located just underneath your clitoral hood.

Labia Majora & Labia Minora – Your labia majora & minora are the flaps of skin indicated in the diagram that run along the outside of your vagina. As you can see, your labia majora are much larger than your labia minora. The sensitivity of these varies from woman to woman. So you may find them very pleasurable to have stimulated while others don’t get much gratification from them at all.

Urethral Opening – Your urethral opening is where you pee from, so we won’t be paying attention to it when masturbating.

Vagina – Your vagina is the other area of your body, besides your clit that is super sensitive and feels incredible to have stimulated with your fingers or with a dildo/vibrator. And there are multiple ways to do this which I explain (with diagrams) below.

Anus – Your anus also possesses a lot of nerve endings and be quite pleasurable to have stimulated to. I cover more about anal sex in this guide.


While I’ve already mentioned the clit, urethra and anus, there are are a few other areas to be aware of, as well as 2 super pleasurable areas, the G Spot & A Spot.

G Spot – The G Spot is located about 2-3 inches (5-7.5 cm) inside the anterior wall of the vagina. However, as I explain in the G Spot article it won’t feel pleasurable to touch until you are aroused and turned on. So if you go looking for it when you’re not thoroughly aroused, you’re going to have trouble find it.

If you would like more in depth information on the G Spot as well as G Spot masturbation & sex techniques, then make sure to check out the this article on the G Spot. But if you’d like more scientific information, then the Wikipedia article on it here will help a lot too.

A Spot – As you can see from the diagram, the A Spot is located much deeper in the vagina on the anterior wall by the cervix. When stimulated it can lead to very powerful vaginal orgasms. However using your fingers to do this is going to be difficult, so you may need to invest in something like a dildo to do it for you. The A Spot is also called the deep spot, AFE zone or even the ‘epicenter’. You can find out more about it on Wikipedia here.

Vagina – The entire length of your vagina is sensitive and feels wonderful to have stimulated, especially your A & G Spots as I mentioned above.

Cervix – Your cervix is very sensitive, but almost never in a sexual way, this means that you will probably want to avoid stimulating it completely…although there are a small number of women who enjoy having it hit.

Rectum – Your rectum is the area you encounter after penetrating your anus. How much you enjoy stimulating this area of your body depends on you. My advice is to always experiment! The anal sex guide should help you out.

Step #2 – The Set Up

Masturbation is so much more pleasurable and fun when you are relaxed and comfortable. So a little planning ahead can do wonders. If you are going to masturbate, make sure that your are not going to be disturbed…unless that’s what you want! This usually means that you need to lock your bedroom door so people can’t burst in and disturb you. If you don’t have a lock, then wait until no one else is around.

From talking to students, I have found that a slow and relaxed build up leads to more fulfilling orgasms. So if you have the time, you’ll find that running a bubble bath or having a long and relaxing shower first is a great way to get in the mood.

You may read elsewhere that lighting candles, using incense and playing relaxing/sexy music can all add to the experience. It’s true. But it can often be a hassle preparing all that stuff beforehand. So try to figure out what works best for you and do a little experimentation. You may even find that you don’t need much preparation at all.

Step #3 – The Build Up

Now that you have everything set up and you are sure that you are not going to be disturbed, it’s time to get down to it and start masturbating. If it’s your very first time masturbating, then I recommend that you turn off the lights and get under the covers. Doing this may make it easier to orgasm.

But don’t go straight for your clitoris/vagina just yet!

You may be eager to start masturbating right away, but it’s better to keep building up to it. Start by slowly rubbing yourself from your thighs up to your stomach and over your breasts. Try to listen to your body to find out where feels best to have rubbed and stimulated. Your breasts may feel the most sensitive and pleasurable to touch or maybe your inner things feel best or maybe even your waist does. The key is to experiment and find what works best for you and your body.

Keep doing this for just a minute or 2 before finally lowering one hand towards your crotch. This slow build up is all part of making your orgasm that much more powerful when you do climax.

Step #4 – How To Actually Masturbate

Finally, we get to the actual masturbation part of this masturbation guide! I’m going to cover the basic techniques you can use. But you’ll find much more powerful masturbation methods in this article on squirtingthese advanced masturbation techniques and this one on pleasuring your clitoris.

Starting With The Long Slow Stroke


This first technique is super easy. Just lower your hand to your vagina. Then using just one finger (your index finger is best), very lightly and softly glide over the middle of your vagina and clitoris, from top to bottom, up and down. Really listen to your body to feel which areas provide the most pleasure and stimulation when touched.

Then experiment with fast strokes, slower strokes as well as using more or less pressure. Most likely you will not orgasm from this, but it’s great for exploring your vagina to see what it most fun.

From Side To Side


Above your vagina is your clitoris, under the clitoral hood. For many women, your clitoris will provide you with the most pleasure when masturbating. So let’s concentrate on your clitoris for a bit. Simply start rubbing your finger over and back like in the diagram. Again, make sure to experiment with the amount of pressure you apply along with how fast you are stroking.

The Lovely Labia


Rubbing and stimulating your labia is kind of like the ‘foreplay of masturbation’. It may not bring you to orgasm, but it’s a great way to build up to more intense techniques. There are plenty of ways to rub your labia, but as you can from the illustration above, a really fun way is to slowly drag your fingers up and down them. Just make sure to use some lube….otherwise it won’t be pleasurable at all.

BTW, if you want to learn my best foreplay tips to use on yourself and your man, you’ll find them here.

And that’s the basic techniques you need to use when masturbating. My most advanced masturbation techniques are in this guide.

Step #5 – Bringing Yourself To Orgasm

When learning how to masturbate, there is a trap that you must avoid. This trap is thinking that you ‘have to have an orgasm’. This kind of thinking puts pressure on you, which can make it less likely that you will have one. Instead, a better way to approach masturbating is to have no goals. Instead you should look at it as:

Enjoying the process, regardless of what happens.

With that said, bringing yourself to orgasm is not too difficult. You just need to find the spot, techniques & intensity that you enjoy the most and focusing your attention there while making sure to listen to your body.

Step #6 -Masturbation With Penetration

For some, penetration during masturbation can feel great and take your pleasure to the next level. There are a number of ways you can do this.

G Spot Masturbation – You can try penetrating yourself with your fingers to apply pressure to your G Spot. If you find you hand tiring then you can try using a dildo instead. If you want to learn more about penetrating yourself during masturbation and having G Spot orgasms then check out this article on fingering yourself and read this one on your G Spot.

A Spot masturbation – If you want to hit your A Spot during masturbation, then you are going to need a dildo. Your A Spot will be too deep to comfortably reach with you fingers. Rather than repeating myself here on what techniques to use to masturbate your A Spot, I cover how to hit your A Spot in this other article on masturbation.

Step #7 – Masturbation With A Vibrator

Using a vibrator can be super pleasurable. But before you rush out the door and buy one, here are 2 important pointers to take into account:

1) Vibrators can provide intense stimulation which can be too much for some women (to the point where it’s not pleasurable and actually a bit painful).
2) Cheap vibrators usually only have one speed which can be annoying if you want a level of stimulation that is slower and more relaxed. If you are serious about great masturbation, then my advice is to go for a vibrator that has variable speeds even if it costs a little more.

You can read the entire guide to using your vibrator here.

For more powerful masturbation tips & ideas, like finding and stimulating your U Spot make sure to check out this second article that will teach you my most powerful masturbation techniques.

If you enjoyed my tips in this article but want a true sex masterclass, then you may be interested in watching this blow job tutorial video where you'll learn my most powerful techniques & tips for giving your man incredible oral sex. Enjoy!

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  1. Kathy says


    So, this may sound awkward, and I am not the most comfortable, but my boyfriend has really been trying to get me to masturbate, and I just can’t seem to do it right. I feel as though even after “building up” that I can’t get comfortable at all with the way it feels. I really think I only feel comfortable when my man does any of that stuff. I just can’t get turned on by myself. My boyfriend recommended porn but that didn’t work either, and I was wondering if you had any tips?


    My relationship and I,


    • says

      Hi Kathy,

      A very effective way to masturbate and enjoy it is….make sure you are comfortable. This is something that you even mentioned. I always advise that you start by masturbating on your own, like in your room so that you don’t have to worry about being disturbed or feeling any pressure to orgasm.

      Remember the key to having a good time is focusing on what you enjoy, not reaching orgasm. In time, you’ll find it easier and easier to get closer to orgasm, simply by focusing on doing what you enjoy most.

      Let me know how you get on.


  2. Andrea says

    Hi, I agree.
    I had never done this before, but I found a man who made ME feel good, he doesn’t judge and I feel safe and wow. It’s a new experience for me, but one I am really enjoying – relax, enjoy your body x

    • says

      Hi Lia,

      It doesn’t sound like too big a deal, what you are describing. It just sounds like you are going ‘too hard, too soon’. Instead, try to slowly build up to orgasm. So instead of just applying direct pressure to your clit all the time, use the vibrator around the rest of your vagina and then from time to time, come back to your clit with it. Try to build up much slower.

      Also, after you orgasm, your clit will become a lot more sensitive and the vibrations from your vibrator will actually hurt instead of feeling pleasurable.


  3. Caroline says

    Hi sean!
    I have this problem that i can’t get a orgasm!
    For some months ago i broke up with my lover and since then i haven’t had a orgasm!
    And i don’t know why! Befor i could come 3-6 times but know nothing:(
    I have a dildo with a vibrator in it but i never come close to reaching a orgasm with it!
    I really need some help cuz i just have found the man of my dreams and want to figured this out befor we go to bed togheter.

    Love Caroline
    Sorry,my english isn’t the best. Hope you understand what i have wrote :)

    • says

      Hi Caroline,

      Thanks for your email and I’m sorry to hear about your problem. The first I have got to say is…don’t worry. Having a orgasm (or orgasms) during sex is not always necessary, even though it sure does feel nice! You may also find that orgasming is much easier when you are emotionally connected to someone. Let me know how everything goes.


  4. Emerald says

    Hi Sean,
    So here is my dilemma. I used to be an exotic dancer, but that was always driven by liquor courage. I did that on the weekends, but was also a professional and still am to this day. However, I am way to shy to masturbate! I just don’t understand how one come’s to do it without the embrace of another. That is what stops me. It is not the sex itself or the feel good, but the human interaction of two coming to one that drives me. Is there any hope for me to learn how to please myself? How do I get over this notion that sexual pleasure can come from one or two? I just can’t seem to motivate myself enough to not feel like I am just being silly. Any guidance or resource would be much appreciated. I have tried it, I bought a vibrator, only way I enjoyed myself was over the phone (phone sex) with someone I knew, and even then I still couldn’t get over the fact that it was me holding this vibrator etc…any help would be lovely.


    • says

      Hi Emerald,
      The most important to do is to not put pressure on yourself to orgasm when masturbating. Just focus on what feels enjoyable and then keep doing that without expecting anything to happen. In time, you will slowly learn what feels good and what doesn’t. This is what will help you get closer to orgasm.


  5. andrea says

    hi sean,
    this is my story, I had a boyfriend, we were living together, but that is over now. the thing is that I never had a orgasm with my previous partners, this guy was the only one capable to make me feel one, on my own i could get the orgasm and I have no problem at that, I can have multiples, but I am scare of not working in the same way with another guy, my ex and I were very well connected in bed and now I’m scared of never having that again… sometimes i feel guilty of even thinking in another guy.

    Sorry if some words don’t make any sense, this is not my mother tongue and I learned on my own…

    I know this is maybe not the subject for this entry but I need some advice.


    • says

      Hi Andrea,

      This sounds like a tough situation for sure. If you could orgasm with one guy, then it means that it’s possible to orgasm with someone else too. However, don’t expect it to happen straight away when you first get together with them. For many people, they have trouble orgasming with a guy unless they feel like they can absolutely trust them and can be completely comfortable around them. The main thing is not to try and ‘force’ yourself to have an orgasm. Give it time and don’t expect it to happen the first time you have sex.


  6. Edy says

    Thanks so much for your problem is i cant reach organism with a man but on my own i do!its straining my relationship!

  7. F says

    Hi Sean,
    I come from a part of the world where masturbation is not encouraged and young girls are expected to stay virgins until they get married. That being said I have a question. Is there anyway I can pleasure myself to the max without penetration. The aim is to reach an orgasm without breaking my hymen. Would clit stimulation work?

  8. Sydney says

    I’ve tried everything I can (I caint use vibrators, I’m a virgin and I plan to stay that way) and I get NO pleasure from anything I do! What mom I doing wrong? I’ve been told by some people to ‘just give up’…

  9. Raven says

    Hey, Sean.
    I have this problem where it seems like even when I am not masturbating or pleasing myself, I experience a constant amount of vaginal discharge. It’s not like I’m urinating in my pants or anything, it’s just ALWAYS THERE. Also, when I’m turned on I tend to have a massive cramp in the uteral area, which I find rather odd since I’ve never heard of it for anyone else, even online. Coffee gives me lighter cramps down there occasionally, but sometimes the ones occurring from being horny are rather painful and sudden. I haven’t been able to find anything useful on why this and was wondering if you could help me out on this issue. It’s been this way for over 10 years.

  10. Natasha says

    Hey, Sean

    I’ve tried masturbation a million times before but its never worked out. I’ve never felt ‘in the mood’ and i don’t know how to get in the mood. Can you please help me with this problem that i’ve been trying to solve for over the past couple of years.

    Thank you

    • says

      Hi Natasha,
      It’s hard to know the exact problem with limited information. But it could be a range of things like lack of libido, asexuality or just not finding the right thing to turn you on.


  11. Lyssa says

    Hi Sean
    Whenever I masterbate I can NEVER orgasm like I can’t find the right spot and I followed your steps and whenever I stick my finger in my vagina if if it’s just touching the inside of it it hurts really bad what am I doing wrong?

    • says

      Hi Lyssa, like I always say, try to focus on what feels pleasurable and never do anything that’s not pleasurable for you. We’re all put together differently, so you need to take time to discover what works best for you and feels best.


  12. kimmy says

    Dear Sean, I been having trouble masturbating and I try the vibrated is there a other way to masturbate and is there a another way to get my guy in a mood cause his medication,he hasnt been in mood since can you help me with this problem.

  13. Sammie says

    Hey Sean,

    As you can probably tell i have a little problem… :/ I have a guy of my dreams who i trust with everything, but despite several tries i just cant get to the big-o. So from there i tried masturbating and still nothing. I am very comfortable with myself and my boyfriend, so im not sure on what is going on to make it not come and i really only think of the pleasure and enjoy it, but i still get nothing.

    any tips?

    • says

      Give it time. Talk to your man so that he knows what you find most pleasurable during sex and what things get you closer. Don’t worry about actually reaching orgasm right now. Try to focus more on “getting closer” first. As you do, you’ll be much more likely to orgasm.

  14. Alice says

    I’m not sure whether or not I’ve had an orgasm before! People all say you’ll know when you have it but then I’ve read in quite a few places that some women don’t even notice and it’s just a feeling of calm? For me when I masturbate it feels really good for a few minutes with the stimulation but then it builds too high and I have to try and not make noise? The reason for my confusion is that I actually don’t like the feeling when it builds too high and I don’t find it pleasurable at all. Is it normal to not like an orgasm? Is it an orgasm at all? (Another confused point is that it only takes a few minutes with a vibrator for that to happen has never with my fingers (or someone elses))

    • says

      Hi Alice,

      It’s interesting that you don’t enjoy the feeling when it builds too high. This could be a case of you reaching orgasm and then afterwards your clitoris becomes very sensitive and even painful to touch. Only taking a few minutes with a vibrator seems normal to me.

  15. Sarah says

    Hi. Me and my boyfriend have tried several things and it upsets him when I can’t have an orgasm (which I don’t think I have ever had) I have tried masturbation, and I get the tingly feeling and like a heartbeat sensation down in my female region… But other than that, Nothing. My boyfriend has mentioned that he doesn’t feel adequate…. And I dont know what to do….

  16. Rosie says

    Great article! I wanted to ask for your help with an issue I have lately:
    When I was younger when I first started masterbating it took me like a lot of time to cum but I had really strong orgazems and then I started to watch porn and I came quicker but the quality of the orgazem wasn’t that great. I stopped watching mainly because I couldn’t cum without it and I want to be able finish without having to watch porn but find it really difficult :(
    Any advice?

  17. Cherise says

    Hello, I am a 24 year old female and I often try to masturbate and reach an orgasm which usually doesn’t happen. The only time I truly have an orgasm is when I have that one person who strikes me really nice which is hard to find. I feel sexually trapped because I want to have orgasm on my own not always needing a man’s assistance. I have all diff types of toys but it will help build me up but I’m never pleasured and after a while I get discouraged and don’t want to continue. What should I do?

    • says

      Focus on what you find pleasurable and get your man to help. Try your best not to focus too much on the outcome (i.e. orgasm), but instead focus on what feels enjoyable to you. While this won’t necessarily help you to orgasm, it will definitely help you get closer.

  18. C says

    Hi Sean.

    I masturbate regularly, and up until a while ago, I thought I was orgasming fine. But recently I spoke to a few people and looked up, and my experience doesn’t seem as intense as others?. I’m over within a few mins, I kinda shake and that’s it. I can’t carry on with stimulation. I am a lesbian so this is a core part of my sex life, I used to be able to go quite a few times, but now I become over sensitive?


    • says

      Hi C, becoming overly sensitive after orgasm is normal for most women. What you can try doing is building up to orgasm as slowly as possible. For some women, when they do this, they find that they aren’t as sensitive after orgasm.

  19. Katie says

    Hi Sean,

    First of all thanks for the great tips ( they are super useful) but I have on problem…. I always seem to get to the brink of an orgasm but it never comes I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, any advise would be appreciated :)


    • says

      Hi Katie, it can be tricky that first time. First do everything you can to fully relax. The second is not focusing on the orgasm, but instead focusing on what’s pleasurable. Some women find squeezing their legs together or crossing their legs can feel even more pleasurable. Experiment and try new things, while always focusing on what’s most enjoyable…not the orgasm itself.

      Let me know how you get on!

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