How To Masturbate (For Women): 5 Step Orgasmic Guide

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While everyone seems to know the Bad Girl’s Bible as the place where you can learn how to drive your man wild with pleasure, today I want to take a slightly different approach and teach you everything there is to know on masturbation and giving yourself incredible orgasms.

Quick note: If you just came here looking for my famous tutorial video on how to talk dirty to your man to build sexual tension, turn him on and keep him thinking about you, then you can watch it here.

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Vibrators are just one of many masturbation aids!

Learning how to masturbate is fun and completely natural. The main thing with masturbation is that you are learning about your body. You are finding out what feels good to have touched, caressed and stimulated and you are learning about what areas of your body are most sensitive. While this guide will show you how to get started on the path to giving yourself some nice ‘O’s, there is one thing that I’d like you to know before reading on.

Different people respond to different things. You may find that certain techniques or sensations do nothing for you, while they work wonders for others.

The key is finding out what works for you by using my guide together with a little bit of trial and error.

The Set Up

Masturbation is so much more pleasurable and fun when you are relaxed and in private. So a little planning ahead can do wonders. If you are going to masturbate, make sure that your are not going to be disturbed. This means that you need to lock your door so people can’t burst in on you. If you don’t have a lock, then wait until no one else is around.

From talking to students, I have found that a slow and relaxed build up leads to more fulfilling orgasms. So if you have the time, you’ll find that running a bubble bath or having a nice, long and relaxing shower first is a great way to get in the mood.

You may read elsewhere that lighting candles, using incense and playing relaxing/sexy music can all add to the experience. It’s true. But it can often be a hassle preparing all that stuff beforehand.

The Build Up

Now that you have everything set up and you are sure that you are not going to be disturbed, it’s time to get down to it and start masturbating. If it’s your very first time masturbating, then I recommend that you turn off the lights and get under the covers of your bed. Doing this makes it feel like there is less pressure.

Don’t go straight for your clitoris/vagina just yet!

You may be eager to start masturbating right away, but instead, it’s better to keep build up to it. Start by slowly rubbing from your thighs up to your stomach and over your breasts. Try to listen to your body to find out where feels best to have rubbed and stimulated. Your breasts may feel the most sensitive and pleasurable to touch or maybe your inner things feel best or maybe even your waist does. The key is to experiment and find what works best for you and your body.

Keep doing this for just a minute or 2 until before finally starting to lower one hand towards your crotch. This slow build up is all part of making your orgasm that much more powerful when you do climax.

How To Actually Masturbate – The Basics First

Finally, we get to the actual masturbation part of this masturbation guide! When you lower your hand to your vagina, use just one finger (your index finger is best) to very lightly and softly glide over the middle of your vagina and clitoris, from top to bottom, up and down. Really listen to your body to feel which areas provide the most pleasure and stimulation when touched.

Above your vagina is your clitoris (often called the clit), under a small bit of skin which is called the clitoral hood. For almost all girls, this will provide you with the most pleasure when stimulated. On either side of your vagina are folds of skin called the labia which are not quite as sensitive as the your clit, but still feel great when they are pressed, rubbed, touched and massaged.

Try to find a point that you enjoy most. When you do, start to make small circular motions with your finger around it. Also try alternating how much pressure you apply to it. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes hardly any at all. This is all to find out what you enjoy most.

And that’s the basic techniques you need to use when masturbating.

Bringing Yourself To Orgasm

When learning how to masturbate, there is a trap that you must avoid. This trap is thinking that you ‘have to have an orgasm’. This kind of thinking puts pressure on you, which makes it much less likely that you will have one. Instead, a better way to approach masturbating is to have no goals. Instead you should look at it as

Enjoying the process regardless of what happens.

With that said, bringing yourself to orgasm is not too difficult. You just need to find the spot you enjoy the most and start to stimulate it more intensely. This means rubbing it faster and/or using more pressure. This will provide more stimulation and bring you closer and closer to that wonderful ‘O’.


For some, penetration during masturbation can feel great and take it to the next level. There are a number of ways you can do this. You can try penetrating yourself with your fingers, although this can sometimes be awkward and difficult, especially if you prefer deep penetration.

A better way can be to use toys, like a dildo or vibrator. Using a dildo or vibrator for masturbation is totally up to you. Most love it, while others don’t like it much at all. It’s really a personal preference. The fun thing is trying it out!


As I just mentioned, using a vibrator can be super pleasurable. But before you rush out the door and buy one, here are 2 pointers:

  1. Vibrators can provide intense stimulation which can be too much for some (to the point where it’s not pleasurable but actually a bit painful).
  2. Cheap vibrators usually only have one speed which can be annoying if you want something slow and relaxed. If you are serious about great masturbation, then go for a vibrator that has variable speeds even if it costs a little more.

If you enjoyed these tips on how to masturbate, but would like to learn more on how to please your man, then you will learn my most powerful techniques on how to give your man a great blow job in this powerful instructional video I created on blowing his mind. Enjoy!

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Leave a comment
  1. Kathy June 12, 2013 at 7:30 am #


    So, this may sound awkward, and I am not the most comfortable, but my boyfriend has really been trying to get me to masturbate, and I just can’t seem to do it right. I feel as though even after “building up” that I can’t get comfortable at all with the way it feels. I really think I only feel comfortable when my man does any of that stuff. I just can’t get turned on by myself. My boyfriend recommended porn but that didn’t work either, and I was wondering if you had any tips?


    My relationship and I,


    • Sean Jameson June 18, 2013 at 11:24 am #

      Hi Kathy,

      A very effective way to masturbate and enjoy it is….make sure you are comfortable. This is something that you even mentioned. I always advise that you start by masturbating on your own, like in your room so that you don’t have to worry about being disturbed or feeling any pressure to orgasm.

      Remember the key to having a good time is focusing on what you enjoy, not reaching orgasm. In time, you’ll find it easier and easier to get closer to orgasm, simply by focusing on doing what you enjoy most.

      Let me know how you get on.


  2. Andrea June 27, 2013 at 7:16 pm #

    Hi, I agree.
    I had never done this before, but I found a man who made ME feel good, he doesn’t judge and I feel safe and wow. It’s a new experience for me, but one I am really enjoying – relax, enjoy your body x

  3. lia September 17, 2013 at 8:41 pm #

    when I put a vibrator on my clit after a minute my clit pulses and the good sensation starts to go away. What should i do.

    • Sean Jameson September 23, 2013 at 6:24 am #

      Hi Lia,

      It doesn’t sound like too big a deal, what you are describing. It just sounds like you are going ‘too hard, too soon’. Instead, try to slowly build up to orgasm. So instead of just applying direct pressure to your clit all the time, use the vibrator around the rest of your vagina and then from time to time, come back to your clit with it. Try to build up much slower.

      Also, after you orgasm, your clit will become a lot more sensitive and the vibrations from your vibrator will actually hurt instead of feeling pleasurable.


  4. Caroline October 16, 2013 at 1:59 pm #

    Hi sean!
    I have this problem that i can’t get a orgasm!
    For some months ago i broke up with my lover and since then i haven’t had a orgasm!
    And i don’t know why! Befor i could come 3-6 times but know nothing:(
    I have a dildo with a vibrator in it but i never come close to reaching a orgasm with it!
    I really need some help cuz i just have found the man of my dreams and want to figured this out befor we go to bed togheter.

    Love Caroline
    Sorry,my english isn’t the best. Hope you understand what i have wrote :)

    • Sean Jameson November 11, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

      Hi Caroline,

      Thanks for your email and I’m sorry to hear about your problem. The first I have got to say is…don’t worry. Having a orgasm (or orgasms) during sex is not always necessary, even though it sure does feel nice! You may also find that orgasming is much easier when you are emotionally connected to someone. Let me know how everything goes.


  5. Emerald November 20, 2013 at 1:03 am #

    Hi Sean,
    So here is my dilemma. I used to be an exotic dancer, but that was always driven by liquor courage. I did that on the weekends, but was also a professional and still am to this day. However, I am way to shy to masturbate! I just don’t understand how one come’s to do it without the embrace of another. That is what stops me. It is not the sex itself or the feel good, but the human interaction of two coming to one that drives me. Is there any hope for me to learn how to please myself? How do I get over this notion that sexual pleasure can come from one or two? I just can’t seem to motivate myself enough to not feel like I am just being silly. Any guidance or resource would be much appreciated. I have tried it, I bought a vibrator, only way I enjoyed myself was over the phone (phone sex) with someone I knew, and even then I still couldn’t get over the fact that it was me holding this vibrator etc…any help would be lovely.


    • Sean Jameson November 27, 2013 at 8:57 am #

      Hi Emerald,
      The most important to do is to not put pressure on yourself to orgasm when masturbating. Just focus on what feels enjoyable and then keep doing that without expecting anything to happen. In time, you will slowly learn what feels good and what doesn’t. This is what will help you get closer to orgasm.


  6. andrea November 27, 2013 at 7:59 am #

    hi sean,
    this is my story, I had a boyfriend, we were living together, but that is over now. the thing is that I never had a orgasm with my previous partners, this guy was the only one capable to make me feel one, on my own i could get the orgasm and I have no problem at that, I can have multiples, but I am scare of not working in the same way with another guy, my ex and I were very well connected in bed and now I’m scared of never having that again… sometimes i feel guilty of even thinking in another guy.

    Sorry if some words don’t make any sense, this is not my mother tongue and I learned on my own…

    I know this is maybe not the subject for this entry but I need some advice.


    • Sean Jameson November 27, 2013 at 8:43 am #

      Hi Andrea,

      This sounds like a tough situation for sure. If you could orgasm with one guy, then it means that it’s possible to orgasm with someone else too. However, don’t expect it to happen straight away when you first get together with them. For many people, they have trouble orgasming with a guy unless they feel like they can absolutely trust them and can be completely comfortable around them. The main thing is not to try and ‘force’ yourself to have an orgasm. Give it time and don’t expect it to happen the first time you have sex.


  7. Edy December 1, 2013 at 9:58 am #

    Thanks so much for your problem is i cant reach organism with a man but on my own i do!its straining my relationship!

  8. F December 9, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

    Hi Sean,
    I come from a part of the world where masturbation is not encouraged and young girls are expected to stay virgins until they get married. That being said I have a question. Is there anyway I can pleasure myself to the max without penetration. The aim is to reach an orgasm without breaking my hymen. Would clit stimulation work?

    • Sean Jameson December 15, 2013 at 8:05 pm #

      Hi F,

      Clit stimulation is what many women use for masturbation.



  9. Sydney December 15, 2013 at 10:37 pm #

    I’ve tried everything I can (I caint use vibrators, I’m a virgin and I plan to stay that way) and I get NO pleasure from anything I do! What mom I doing wrong? I’ve been told by some people to ‘just give up’…

  10. Raven December 18, 2013 at 4:23 am #

    Hey, Sean.
    I have this problem where it seems like even when I am not masturbating or pleasing myself, I experience a constant amount of vaginal discharge. It’s not like I’m urinating in my pants or anything, it’s just ALWAYS THERE. Also, when I’m turned on I tend to have a massive cramp in the uteral area, which I find rather odd since I’ve never heard of it for anyone else, even online. Coffee gives me lighter cramps down there occasionally, but sometimes the ones occurring from being horny are rather painful and sudden. I haven’t been able to find anything useful on why this and was wondering if you could help me out on this issue. It’s been this way for over 10 years.

    • Sean Jameson December 23, 2013 at 4:28 pm #

      Hi Raven,

      It’s very important to talk to a doctor about this.


  11. Natasha January 8, 2014 at 10:05 pm #

    Hey, Sean

    I’ve tried masturbation a million times before but its never worked out. I’ve never felt ‘in the mood’ and i don’t know how to get in the mood. Can you please help me with this problem that i’ve been trying to solve for over the past couple of years.

    Thank you

    • Sean Jameson January 9, 2014 at 11:46 am #

      Hi Natasha,
      It’s hard to know the exact problem with limited information. But it could be a range of things like lack of libido, asexuality or just not finding the right thing to turn you on.


  12. Lyssa February 14, 2014 at 2:52 am #

    Hi Sean
    Whenever I masterbate I can NEVER orgasm like I can’t find the right spot and I followed your steps and whenever I stick my finger in my vagina if if it’s just touching the inside of it it hurts really bad what am I doing wrong?

    • Sean Jameson February 17, 2014 at 9:06 am #

      Hi Lyssa, like I always say, try to focus on what feels pleasurable and never do anything that’s not pleasurable for you. We’re all put together differently, so you need to take time to discover what works best for you and feels best.


  13. kimmy February 28, 2014 at 9:29 pm #

    Dear Sean, I been having trouble masturbating and I try the vibrated is there a other way to masturbate and is there a another way to get my guy in a mood cause his medication,he hasnt been in mood since can you help me with this problem.

  14. Sammie March 8, 2014 at 11:24 pm #

    Hey Sean,

    As you can probably tell i have a little problem… :/ I have a guy of my dreams who i trust with everything, but despite several tries i just cant get to the big-o. So from there i tried masturbating and still nothing. I am very comfortable with myself and my boyfriend, so im not sure on what is going on to make it not come and i really only think of the pleasure and enjoy it, but i still get nothing.

    any tips?

    • Sean Jameson March 17, 2014 at 10:26 am #

      Give it time. Talk to your man so that he knows what you find most pleasurable during sex and what things get you closer. Don’t worry about actually reaching orgasm right now. Try to focus more on “getting closer” first. As you do, you’ll be much more likely to orgasm.

  15. annyka April 15, 2014 at 8:12 am #

    hi I cant seem to orgasm! I have tried many times and it doesn’t seem to work…

    help please,


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