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At the Bad Girls Bible, we recommend that most people try anal sex and playing with anal toys because of how fun and pleasurable it can be. But getting used to it – and learning how to take bigger toys – isn’t always easy or obvious. That’s why we wrote this guide that teaches you how to train for anal sex and play.
Anal Sex Podcast
Before we jump in, you may want listen to my anal sex podcast to learn some powerful anal sex tips for intense orgasms. You’ll disover 11 things you must do in order to make it wildly pleasurable, fun & satisfying and avoid any pain, embarrasment or mess.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
Listen to more podcast episodes here
Anal Training Two Ways
Two types of anal training that usually come to mind: training for anal sex (for the first time) and anal stretching after you’ve become comfortable with basic anal play, which requires more time and patience to do. We’ll start with preparing for anal sex.
One of the main reasons why people don’t want to try anal – aside from the fact that this is where you poop from – is that it will hurt. Yes, it can hurt, but it shouldn’t. This is especially true if you’re properly prepared.
Here’s a post about what to do if anal sex hurts.
For this reason, the decision to have anal sex should never be one that you make at the spur of the moment, and anal should never be a surprise – for you. It can make a sexy surprise for your man once you’ve prepared, however!
Related: If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
What does preparation entail? First, you need to be mentally ready. If you’re at all unsure about whether you want anal, you’re probably going to tense up. Tense muscles will make penetration more difficult and painful, which leads to the very thing you were worried about to begin with.
So you need to be mentally relaxed, allowing your body to relax physically. For some people, a glass of wine might do the trick. You might receive a sensual massage (more on that here) from your man to melt all your stress away. If you’re already fooled around and perhaps had an orgasm, you’ll likely be feeling pretty sated, and that might be the right time for anal.
You know yourself best, so pay attention to your gut. Speaking of gut, read this post about anal during pregnancy if you’re curious. We’ve also got answers to your questions about getting pregnant from anal sex.
Preparing for Anal Sex
Secondly, we have physical preparation for anal sex. You may not be worried about the pain. Your concern may be about being clean and preventing any issues with fecal matter, which is a concern that many people share.
Fortunately, that sort of training for anal sex is usually less intensive than you’d imagine. For most people, having a bowel movement before cleans everything out. You can Wipe with a wet wipe or shower, and some people like to shave their butt cheeks and around their anus to be smooth and soft. But that’s optional.
If you want to be immaculate to prevent any potential mishaps, one option you can consider is an anal douche. It looks a bit like a dropper. You fill it with room temperate water – never hot or cold – and sit over the toilet while you squeeze the water from the bulb to your anal tract to clean out any fecal matter.
Read More: Preparing for Anal Sex
An enema is typically overkill unless that’s one of your fetishes. But you can buy the device from many sex stores and hook it up to your shower or faucet for the ultimate in clean. It’ll require a lot more time and effort, however, than just douching.
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Lousy Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
So now you’re prepared for anal sex, clean and calm. What’s next? We advise against simply sticking a penis or toy in your butt without warming up no matter how horny you might be!
Related: Try these positions for pegging your partner and also these anal sex positions.
Time for Penetration
It’s smart to start smaller. Maybe a small toy as long as it has a flared base or handle that allows it to be safe for anal play, a finger (find out why anal fingering is the best) or two or even your partner’s tongue (tips for rim jobs). Learn more about anal rimming. These smaller body parts or toys can pass the tight ring of muscles known as the sphincter that prevents items from passing in or out of your anus [1].
This is actually why anal sex feels so good for men. Discover other reasons that men like anal.
As your anus becomes used to the sensation, you can add a finger or increase toy size. Soon enough, you’ll be able to comfortably take a penis or penis-sized toy. Of course, you should definitely use lube. We recommend lube for all kinds of sex, but it’s especially important with anal sex because your anus isn’t able to self-lubricate.
Learn more about lube and how it makes for better sex.
You may be on your way to having an orgasm from anal sex or wearing a butt plug during sex. Awesome!
Read: How to Have Anal Orgasms
When You Want to Get Serious About Anal Training
Maybe you’re an anal aficionado, so the previous advice doesn’t really apply to you. Perhaps you want to see how much you can comfortably take or you are in a power exchange relationship with a partner who has instructed you to train yourself to take larger anal toys. Anal penetration can feel especially submissive. Read more about this.
If this sounds like you, read on to learn how to seriously train for anal sex.
Toy Size
Being able to take a larger toy or penis is much like training for anal sex the first time. You start small; although, you may be able to take a medium toy (having a diameter around 1.5″) or your partner’s penis without much warming as you become more experienced.
After you’re comfortably penetrated, you want to increase the size of the toy or move from your partner’s penis to a larger toy. You can buy toys specifically to feel full – and people who enjoy larger toys are often known as size queens. Any reputable retailer should be able to tell you about the circumference of the toy (the measurement around the shaft) or the diameter (the measurement from one side of the shaft to the other. This is the same as the circumference divided by 3.14 (Pi aka π)).
Toys known as dilators exist specifically to help with vaginal penetration [2], and you’ll find similar anal/rectal dilators that are safe to use in your back door.
Remember to be realistic. What seems like a modest increase in size on paper can feel huge, literally, in your body. Increasing the diameter by 1/4″ (.25″0 inches is a good start; although, you may be able to skip some diameters in between. You may eventually find yourself playing with a toy that you never thought was possible to use anally!
You might not be able to insert a larger toy that you’ve been lusting after, or you may only be able to do it for a little at a time. That’s okay. Anal training requires time and patience, so be easy on yourself.
You can always insert a toy again or go bigger next time. But you can’t undo any damage that you’ve done by going too fast or getting ahead of yourself.
Make sure to remain relaxed and use plenty of lube whenever you insert a new toy.
Psst, men can anal train, too. In fact, anal penetration is great for prostate massage. Learn more about this.
Numbing Products
There are a few options to consider. For example, numbing creams designed for anal sex promise to take away any potential pain with the use of lidocaine or similar chemicals. But what the product packaging doesn’t tell you is that pain can be useful. It’s your body’s way of saying “Slow down,” “Relax,” “Use more lube,” or “Try a different angle.” Pain is a message that you should heed.
If you numb pain, you won’t know that anything is wrong. If you ignore it, you can similarly wind up doing damage. For example, anal play that’s too rough could lead to anal prolapse and incontinence. If you use a toy that’s too big, you could cause trauma to your colon. Not only is that pain more long-term, but the visit to the doctor is also going to be uncomfortable.
Find out more dos and don’t for anal play in this guide to anal sex safety.
Communicating With Your Partner
Finally, it’s important to communicate with your partner. During anal masturbation (get more info), you pick the toy and control the pace. You can respond immediately if something feels off. But a partner doesn’t have the same cues, so you need to communicate with them about it.
Because talking about sex can be so difficult, we’ve written a guide to sexual communication. Use it to make it easy to talk to your partner about your needs and improve your experience with all kinds of sex, not just anal.
Do you want to anally penetrate your man? It’s time to consider using a strap-on. Then discover everything you need to know about pegging.
Get more tips like these in our post about anal sex.
Hopefully, you’ve learned that you can mitigate pain when it comes to anal sex or anal training just by taking your time and the right precautions. But you’ll inevitably reach a point where you can’t go any larger, and that’s okay. We all have our limits.
You can enjoy finding them, both by yourself or with a partner using these tips for anal training.
Now that you know a bit more about training for anal sex, you can set goals for yourself and try to meet the challenges. Anal training might be necessary to enjoy anal sex, or it can be a fun part of your sex games. Either way, we hope you enjoy!
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is the size increase of 1/4″ for circumference or diameter, you talk about both then just say increase by 1/4″ each time, making it unclear which you mean
Circumference
Increasing circumference by 0.25″ is equivalent to increasing diameter by 0.080″ each time. I haven’t seen anal dilators that come in such small increments. Are you sure you don’t mean increasing diameter by 0.25″ each time?
Thanks Marcie, yes, that should be diameter. It’s now fixed
How big of a dildo can a man got in his anal cavity?
Interesting question! I think the jury is still out on this one.
My girl friend anal gapes when she stretches it, but she said she has never done anal sex or any anal penetration before. How possible is this?
Honestly, I have no idea
1/4 on diameter
Tried 10 inch anal training beads for the first time. Luber relax and enjoy..I’ve had them in for an hour..I’m a Male not gay but I heard orgasm are better when pulling them out as you cum
Hello,
my question is about length, not width, i have experience using toys, i can with 2,2″ width toy, is not a super mark but i think is a mark you need train for it and is ok for me.
But the problem is i want to go deeper, and i cant advance, is like i reached my maximum, i cant insert more than 7″- 7,4″, i always feel like toy has reached the limit and touch a wall, i dont have days trying it, i have a long time experience playing, though i dont play anally every day, i maybe play anally 2-4 times per month, sometimes more, sometimes less, just when my mind ask for it, but definitely not every day or very often (very often for me is like 5 6 times per week, close to everyday).
Definitely i want to improve in length, but seems impossible, i dont think the problem is that i need to play every day, maybe im wrong, but i got excellent results improving in width at my play rythm, i reached my current max length like at my beginning of anal play like 3 years ago and i never got over 7″ – 7,4, i wanna try to full insert toys, from head to head, all in, but you need like 9,8″ capacity.
Also don’t missunderstand me, i dont want weird things or try to reach to insert 15″ 16″ inches, i just want a bit more that how much i can, from 7″ – 7,4″ to around 9,8″ – 10,2″ i would be extremely happy.
Thanks for everything if you have questions to help me improve please ask!
Sounds like your body is telling you something here Sarah. Perhaps you weren’t built to take more than 7 inches?
Thanks for response but well, ain’t saying you maybe don’t have reason, but i don’t believe any human body is built to take more than 15 and 16″ and this is a reality, what happens then with these people? they have a +15″ +16″ inches rectus? humanly impossible.
Also, im not looking for uncommon insertions, like fisting levels in width or +15″ in length, im looking for something inside the normal range, 9 to 10″ in length is not something uncommon.
You can go further but you need very flexible toy. And when I say very, I mean VERY. And lot of lube. And of course, take time and go slow.
It depends on the girth you are chosing. Try to use no bigger than 5″ (diameter) and the toy need to be very soft and flexible material.
Nowadays I can take up to 16″ according the position. Wider is impossible to go deeper.
I can take 3,5″ (diameter) but the langth cannot be longer than 6″ with huge girth.
You need to relax and find a good position.
Hi, I am a heterosexual male by the way.
I got obsessed with anal penetration and I was trying everything to stretch it.
Bought those double sided dildos that are very long. Mine was 18″ long and 2″ circumference.
At the beginning it was exactly the same for me, could not go more than 7 or 8 inches and I was hitting a “wall”.
Very disappointed since I’ve already bought a whole training package for me to try and I couldn’t go more than that.
After doing a lot of breathing and relaxation exercises and a lot of lube with no luck, I discover erotic hypnosis. Bunch of files I’ve tried until I’ve found the perfect one, they’re a bunch of specific ones for anal training/stretching.
Apparently, there is a second sphincter muscle and it was really hard to relax for me.
At the same time, I was sleeping with butt plugs and was taking muscle relaxers so I can go to sleep without feeling it and get my ass stretch and used to the opening. It was really impossible to do it without the medication. Also, you can’t sleep with audio running either, learned the hard way.
Until listening to this files for a while and kept trying everyday, I’ve reached my limit at 14″.
Also my top circumference that I could hold was 4″ thick and 7″ long, unfortunately couldn’t open the second sphincter for this.
Keep in mind that if you go very wide your ass will get incredibly loose without butt plugs and you might have “accidents”. Had to buy straps for my butt plugs so I can use in the day without them slipping out and making a mess. I was keeping a bag with extra pants and underwear and at least 64oz water based lube to apply 3 or 4 times a day so my insides wouldn’t dry. Thank god for working from home days, but I was doing this in the bathroom at work also.
My ass was wide open all the time and I was continuing stretching it and holding the space until I couldn’t reach any further. Very uncomfortable to sit using a butt plug, you’ll end up pushing it but I got used to after a while, plus the conditioning really helped.
Like I’ve said, obsessed with it.
Please, please, please, go slow and know your limits.
I was taking all precautions so I didn’t hurt myself.
It was the best sensations/orgasms I’ve ever had in my life.
Keep trying… great rewards.
You have reach the internal sphincter between you colon and large intestines. To move past that point you need a very flexible toy and you need to bare down while pushing gentally deeper. Take it slow and if you feel pain back off and try again.
Any tips for the size training specifically with my boyfriend’s rather thick uncircumcised penis?
The article on this page should help a lot
My boyfriend prolapses his anus (rosebuds) safely, (goes right back in) takes 16 to 17 inch toys, and takes extremely wide, huge toys up his anus like it’s nothing. He uses an enema until it’s absolutely clear and then he asks me to fist him. I do it up about to my elbow. I’m absolutely jealous. I’m also sad, I’ve cried because sex is my job. I have clients who asked me to fist myself and I know a lot of friends in the industry who do it. But I can’t. I’ve lost hundreds of dollars and lost fans. Right now I’m just trying to take bigger and bigger toys, and it’s lots of work. I just purchased a prolapse Device. Should I wait to use it until I can take some of the bigger butt plugs? Everything is fine with my bfs health. I know lots of people in the industry who take huge toys, and get fisted, and rose bud. Like I said, this is my job, and I’m loosing money because I can’t take really huge toys. The training plugs they have are ridiculous because the “largest” plug feels like absolutely nothing to me. Right now I can take about 3 inch wide toys and 13 inch long toys. After the 13 inch it feels like I’m hitting a wall, I guess that’s my large intestines. I read this thread and I’m going to try to use extremely flexible toys with lube so I can try to go passed the canal. I want to be the best I can at work and be able to do what my boyfriend does. I’m already well known but I want to change my brand to anal. My current brand is “chubby milf”.. I don’t even have kids and I want something more real. I want more fans. I took a break for 3 years and now I can’t even gape properly! And I’m having such a hard time getting fans back. I will say though it took months of prep for my bf to get up to what he can do. Even when he takes monster toys it takes hours of prep each day along with the enemas for him to be successful. When we cam (we are a cam couple and I also do porn) he’s always getting tipped more than me because he’s an anal king. I’m so jealous. Are some people just more talented? I’ve cried over this. I want to be just like him so I can make more money on cam, and even though I’m no stranger to anal sex ( I do it everyday) and even though I also have done long anal beads (over 13 in.) in porn, I sometimes more can’t than can.. i cannot take the huge toys. So how exactly do I work up to what my bf can do? If be so much richer and happier. Is it impossible? Is he just now talented than me? Id be happy if I could take a fist and take a double ended. Right now I’m considering seeing a sex specialist to see if I can get helpful tips. It really is upsetting. Especially when I loose a fan.
I’m using an anal speculum for anal stretching, how long do you suggest leaving it in my anus for it to stretch me and how often do you suggest I use it for best results, hopefully trying to stretch for my partner to be able to fist me but if that can’t happen then larger toys would be great as I’m into the feeling of being fully stretched
Cheers G
Well if it’s .25″ diameter increase even every week, thats an inch a month. that’s very very fast. 4 months to get to 4 inches wide? no way. I dont know anyone who can do that.
Even at 0.08″ diameter increase every month, after 10 month’s that’s an inch in a year or so. 4 years later, 4 inches? maybe. another 4 years 5″ wide? not possible for some.
it also depends on the material hugely – soft platinum silicone is the way to go, cant hurt or tear yourself that way, as it squishes in but might be hard to get it in just because it can be floppy. but way safer than hard materials.
I want to use a very huge diblo in my ass I put about 3 inches around but now I want to put in my ass about a 10 inches around in my ass now now can I put it in now and now can I put it now and get it in easy in my ass im a guy love it in my ass I want more bigger huger diblo in my ass please tell me show I can do it it bigger in my ass.
Several years of training and now I can literally take a fist up my rectum! Feels fantastic.
Question
My guy and I only get together like twice a month and we enjoy Anal but I am to tight so he cums quickly. I am not interested in taking big toys or anything I just want to loosen up so we can enjoy it a little longer. What’s your recommendation?
Try wearing a butt plug beforehand
My anal stretched after reading this article. Thank you for that! Cheers
I am using a cone stretcher. I have come to a point that I can’t insert any deeper because of diameter. I have seen videos where enormous toys are inserted anally.
So my question are my pelvic bones too narrow to take a giant diameter toy? I have tried a smaller diameter drink can and it hits the pelvic bone.
Possibly they are too narrow. You also don’t want to stretch yourself too much in case you injure yourself.