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Learning how to cum is easy. I’m going to show you how to do it, during sex and masturbation, even if you currently struggle to cum. First, I need to clear something up…
Cumming Versus Squirting
We refer to “cumming” and “to cum” as the act of reaching orgasm or climaxing in women. Some people use the word “cum” to mean squirt.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
That’s fine, and you may want to read the guide on how to make yourself squirt.
Additionally, if you are with your man and he wants to help out, then he should read the guide on making a girl squirt that we’ve made especially for him or learn how to make a woman orgasm.
Now, here are the questions to ask yourself if you currently struggle to cum along with step-by-step techniques to cum easily, often, hard (and fast if you want that).
1. Are You Comfortable?
If you’re uncomfortable, it’s going to be hard to cum. Furthermore, you might have trouble even getting into the mood or becoming wet. Comfort is essential to a woman’s pleasure and orgasm but is often overlooked. There are several aspects of comfort you should consider. And you need to be brutally honest with yourself when answering these questions.
Safety
If you don’t feel safe with your sexual partner, you’re unlikely to enjoy sex. Whether the person has said or done things to make you concerned for your safety or you just don’t know them well, it’s best to get out of the situation until you do feel safe and comfortable.
If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
Additionally, if you’re fooling around somewhere that could potentially be dangerous, it’s okay to wait until you’re at home or somewhere safer.
Your Body
Everyone has hangups about their bodies — including guys! But women may have a harder time with this. Research suggests that women have more negative body‐image evaluations of their bodies relative to men but greater preoccupations with their bodies than men [1] and that women’s satisfaction with her own body is influenced by how men view them [2]. Sexual health professor and researcher Laurie Brotto describes how women are often not present during sex because they are too busy “monitoring” themselves, including their bodies and performance [3 p 50].
Psst, you might find these infographics about men’s and women’s weight expectations interesting.
All this is to say that if you’re not happy with your body or you’re concerned that your partner will see your butt jiggle or your tummy roll during sex, you’re not going to relax enough to be able to enjoy yourself, let alone cum. How to view your body in a positive light is a broad topic that we won’t get into in-depth here, but you’ll find plenty of resources to help you become more body positive online.
Two specific things you can do include purchasing and wearing lingerie that you feel sexy in. For instance, you might choose a babydoll that covers your tummy if you feel that’s your problem area.
Read More: 10 Vital Tips For Choosing The Perfect Lingerie for Your Body
Many women also find that pinup or boudoir photo shoots are great for confidence! You can try it yourself at home and then send your partner a sexy selfie of the results! Learn how to take a sexy selfie.
Physical Comfort
Physical comfort can play a part in how easily you become aroused and cum. If you enter a guy’s room for the first time only to find out that he doesn’t use sheets and it’s so dirty you’re afraid to sit down, how do you expect to have an orgasm? A room that’s too warm or cold can also be a problem.
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Good Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
Sexual Anxiety
Sexual anxiety is something we all experience, and it’s normal when you have sex with someone for the first (few) time(s) and can even help to ramp up the sexual tension. Sexual anxiety should ease as you become more comfortable with your partner and with your skills as a lover. If your anxiety hasn’t abated, it’s time to consider why.
Common reasons include:
- You don’t think you’re worthy of your partner (perhaps because you perceive yourself as not attractive enough for them, see above). Remember that this person is choosing to have sex with you, perhaps more than once. And if you’re in a relationship and know your partner cares for or even loves you, it’s time to recognize your worth. They do!
- You may have doubts about your skills as a lover. You can improve skills such as kissing, blow jobs, or hand jobs. If you’re like many women, you might feel anxious and self-conscious when it comes to riding your man. Read our advice for riding your man to improve confidence in your body and skills.
- You’ve got roommates or kids who might hear you having sex. Find a time when you can have sex without anyone at home. Consider playing music or even using a ball gag if you’re noisy in bed. Install a lock on your door to prevent anyone from walking in on you.
- You might worry about how you look and sound during sex (not related to body image). In this case, focus on how everything feels.
- You may have past (sexual) trauma. You can enjoy sex after sexual assault or trauma, but you might want to seek help if nothing you’ve tried has helped.
- You’re worried about getting pregnant or transmitting an STI. Using condoms helps to protect against both of these consequences.
- You don’t have a lot of knowledge about sex. You can explore the Bad Girls Bible to learn more about sex. Resources such as Scarleteen, Go Ask Alice, and Planned Parenthood, among others, may also be helpful.
If your sexual anxiety persists or is especially interferent, consider talking to a professional who can help you work through these issues. Mindfulness has been found to effectively treat anxiety as well as other sexual dysfunctions [4, 5, 6] — even those stemming from childhood abuse [7].
2. Did you Listen to my Podcast on Effortless Orgasms
I also put together a podcast series on how to cum, so you may want to listen to it. I teach you how to orgasm easily and often. You’ll discover the simple strategies that will make reaching orgasm (& having multiple orgasms!) a breeze.
Listen to more Bad Girls Bible podcast episodes here
3. Are You Turned On?
Let’s say you’re comfortable, but sex still doesn’t feel that great and you can’t cum. What could be going on? It may be that you’re not turned on or turned on enough to cum easily. To get turned on, you need to figure out if you have a Responsive or Spontaneous sex drive…
What the heck?
What do those two words even mean…Responsive and Spontaneous?
Let me explain…
Responsive
Most women have a sex drive that falls into this category. If you usually get turned on AFTER your man consciously tries to turn you on with compliments, sexy eye contact, kissing or through touching you, then you have a Responsive sex drive.
If you find yourself nodding your head in agreement to what I just described, then you have a Responsive sex drive.
Imagine these two scenarios:
- You’re not hungry but you walk past a bakery, and suddenly you want to eat.
- You’re not an casual smoker, able to go for weeks without a cigarette…But you find yourself out for drinks with friends and they are smoking, and you suddenly crave a cigarette.
Responsive desire is kind of like that. When you remember how delicious sex is, you want it, and sometimes that happens when you’re in the middle of fooling around.
Men are not usually in this category, they usually have a Spontaneous sex drive.
Spontaneous
If you randomly get turned on without trying, then you have a Spontaneous sex drive. Here’s a couple examples
- Perhaps you’re filling out your tax return…and suddenly, without reason, you feel horny.
- You’re watching the news and they are discussing whether to raise or lower interest rates…and for some unexplainable reason, you want sex.
Site note: I believe Spontaneous describes it well, although, some people argue that “spontaneous” is not exactly the right label [8]. Feel free to call it “random randiness” if you like!
What I’m trying to say is this….
New research has shown that many women don’t experience desire until foreplay has started (the women with Responsive sex drives). This new research is different from the classic “sexual response cycle” you might have been taught in school or elsewhere [9].
You can discover more about the sexual response cycle and how you can use it to get horny. This same post also includes responses from other women about how they get horny in the moment.
A Solution For Responsive Sex Drives
If you are one of the many women who have a Responsive sex drive, scheduling sex may be one way to make sure you keep having sex [10]. This should help you to cum more often.
Brakes To Your Sex Drive – DANGER!
As you read above, a woman’s arousal, which affects orgasm [11], may be more sensitive to external influences, which can include stress, relationship satisfaction, childhood trauma [12], and anxiety.
These are known as your “brakes” (and can include internal factors such as body image [13])
Accelerators To Your Sex Drive
“Accelerators” that rev up your sex drive also exist.
Science Side Note: This mechanism is known as the dual-control model [14, 15]. Emily Nagoski wrote about it in her book Come As You Are where she explains that women often have more sensitive brakes than men [16 p 60]. Remember, these brakes are the things that stop you from getting turned on and cumming easily.
Throughout this guide I will discuss these brakes to your sex drive in more detail. However, I want to address the most common one right now…
Stress – Being physically distressed is associated with low sexual desire [17], which is important for you to cum. The first step is to reduce stress.
Yoga or a warm bath do it for some women, but you can also involve your partner by asking for a sensual massage (he can get tips and techniques here).
Whether it’s a massage, fingering or making out, the more you do before you get to intercourse, the easier it is for you to cum. It’s not so much due to the time you spend on these activities but that you’re doing them at all.
One study even found that deep kissing, manual stimulation, and oral sex combine to create the key to orgasm for many women [18].
You and your partner can read through these foreplay tips to get even more inspiration for the bedroom.
Once you give yourself time to get turned on and figure out how to do that, you won’t have to work so hard to make yourself cum.
If you’re struggling to get turned on and cum, it might have something to do with this next point.
4. Are You Happy With Your Relationship?
Dissatisfaction with your relationship can’t be shut out by closing the bedroom door. If you’re not feeling loved, are experiencing emotional distance, or have a partner that does not understand your preferences, your sex life can suffer as a result [19, 20, 21]. That’s not even considering if your partner is emotionally or physically abusive.
However, a relationship that feels good and works well emotionally, and where sex is approached openly and appreciatively can make it more likely for you to cum [22].
You can’t avoid issues with your relationship and assume your sex life will be just fine, as the health of your relationship and your sex life are so intertwined.
Your relationship might be the first problem to tackle if you find that you’re no longer able to cum but have been able to in the past.
Trust is a big one. If you’re working through a breach of trust such as cheating, your body may not respond positively to sexual cues anymore. Therapy and time can help you get over this, but not everyone can.
5. Have You Orgasmed By Yourself?
If you’ve never cum before, then figuring this out will help A LOT
Keep in mind that it’s often easier to cum for the first time by yourself through masturbation than via sex (although, some women do experience their first orgasms with partners).
Benefits of Masturbation
Masturbating means you can try whatever you want even if it seems “weird” or doesn’t involve penetration. You can go at your own pace and don’t have to worry about whether you’re taking too long. You can focus on your pleasure alone and not your partner’s — all good for cumming! You can find out what you like and don’t like without performance anxiety.
If you’re not sure how to get started, try the Bad Girls Bible guide to masturbation for women. There are plenty of tips and links to in-depth articles in the guide. We also recommend you read this article about clitoral stimulation. These posts contain information about your anatomy, including where your clitoris is, and knowing that can help you orgasm during masturbation [23].
Three common methods of female masturbation include using your fingers to stimulate your clitoris and vagina, using the spray from the shower or faucet to get off, and grinding on items [24].
The most important part about learning to make yourself cum is…relaxing and getting comfortable with yourself. It’s not about a perfect technique or rubbing yourself in a specific way. You just need to relax and get comfortable with yourself.
“But how can I relax if I’m desperately trying to make myself cum?”
Focus on Pleasure, Not Orgasm
It’s an interesting and sometimes difficult question. To relax, even if you are desperate to make yourself cum, you need to stop aiming for a ‘final outcome’. Instead, you need to just enjoy the process and the sensations [25]. In fact, focusing on vaginal sensations during sex correlates with orgasm [26]. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the fact is, it works. By not concentrating on an outcome, you can free yourself of ‘having to make yourself cum’ and just enjoy the process or journey.
One way to avoid being too goal-oriented is to add a “distraction” to your masturbation. This might mean porn or erotica, or you might simply fantasize in your head. When you’re seeing or visualizing sexy ideas, you might not have to try to hard to make yourself cum.
6. Are You Getting the Right Stimulation?
It might seem obvious to some people, but many women need a certain type of stimulation to cum.
Although some women can orgasm from penetration alone [27], clitoral stimulation is important for some women to experience orgasm [28, 29].
If the type of sex you’re having completely ignores your needs, the chances you’ll cum are slim to none even if you can make yourself cum when you’re alone. Perhaps this is why straight women orgasm less frequently during sex than lesbian women [30]. As a woman, you’re more likely to know what other women need.
We Need to Talk
What if you know what you like when you’re solo, but you’re not sure how to get it during sex with your man? Your partner may skip foreplay entirely — a big no-no if he wants you to cum! — or may do something that just doesn’t work for you.
What then?
Then, you have to communicate about your needs during sex.
It can be hard to talk about sex. Maybe you were taught that sex is a bad thing from your parents or teachers. Or you might not be used to people talking about sex because you didn’t have much sex education.
You could assume that just because you’re attracted or in love with your partner that sex should just be good. But that’s not the case at all.
It might sound elementary, but being able to talk about your desires, fantasies, and needs in the bedroom can turn a mediocre sex life (or even a poor one!) into an amazing one.
When you tell your partner what you like because you’ve learned how to make yourself cum, he take this information to help you cum. You’ll experience more pleasure and have a greater chance to cum easily. He can see you in real pleasure, and you can bask in the afterglow together!
Depending on how much change you need, it might be enough to simply move your partner’s hand, to take his hand in yours to show him how you like it, or to use a simple command such as “Harder” or “To the right, please” to get the stimulation you need to cum.
But if your sex life needs a more direct approach, you’ll appreciate this guide to talking about sex.
Now, you might worry that your partner will be offended or hurt if you ask him to do something differently. You may have tried in the past and were shut down. Trust me when I say that most guys want to know what you need in bed so they can be better lovers.
You’re entitled to your orgasm, even if it’s just a casual thing. Although women are more likely to think this way when they’re in a relationship [31], every woman deserves an orgasm when she wants one!
The two of you might be able to adjust the way you have sex so you can cum with ease — or even cum multiple times just from talking and getting on the same wavelength.
Try This
You could try positions (check out this list of 119+ sex positions) that offer more clitoral stimulation such as the Coital Alignment Technique or Thigh Tide, use a vibrator, add a position pillow (some even have slots for your toy!), or make other adjustments so you can cum during sex.
F**k Fakers – By the way, you never want to fake an orgasm because if you’re doing that, you’re training your partner to do things that you don’t like/need because he thinks it makes you cum. Ouch!
7. Has Something Big Changed In Your Life?
Moving. A new job. Death of a loved one. These are all big life changes.. and your response can manifest in unexpected ways, such as difficulties in the bedroom. Many of these things can be stressful, which you already know is a sexual brake. Others may simply be exhausting, leaving you with little time or energy to make sex a priority.
Pregnancy
You know what else can do that? Being pregnant and having a baby. If you’ve become pregnant, you may find that you don’t want sex as you used to, which is fairly common [32]. Or you may want sex more than ever and find yourself more sensitive than before.
Pregnancy hormones…
After Childbirth
This continues after childbirth. It’s normal to have a lower sex drive after you’ve had a baby [33] (and this decrease in libido may mean that you have sex less often or enjoy it less when you do), some women have difficulty with orgasm after pregnancy [34]. Although you might think your partner resents you for this, partner opinions on sex after birth often mirror mother’s [35]. Women are typically given the ‘all clear’ to have sex about 6 weeks after childbirth [36], but it’s okay if you’re not up to it yet.
Menopause
On the other end of the spectrum, you have menopause, which coincides with a decrease of sex hormones such as estrogen [37]. Not only can this lead to a decrease in sex drive, but your vagina can become much dryer [38, 39] and even atrophy [40, 41], which makes sex painful [42] and orgasm harder [43, 44].
But a change doesn’t have to involve hormones to change your sexual response.
Other Major Life Changes
New medicines or injuries might have symptoms in the bedroom. You might find that you can no longer cum after you or your partner has cheated. Getting out there after your divorce might be frustrating if you’re unable to have an orgasm.
After any life change, make time to reconnect with yourself and your partner. Be patient if your body and mind need some time to rebound. But if you’ve been waiting for more than a few months, it might be time to seek out a professional.
8. Have You Talked To Your Doctor?
Talking to your doctor can rule out or identify medical reasons that make it difficult to come and/or become aroused.
Your doctor might also recommend treatments for normal life events such as menopause. For example, if she determines that your pleasure has decreased as a result of menopause, she might recommend estrogen supplements or creams to increase arousal, lubrication, and sensitivity [45]. She might also suggest you use lube.
Of course, using lube can make sex more comfortable for everyone, and comfort may help you cum more easily.
Learn more about using lube to improve sex.
Mental Health Conditions & Treatments
Some medical conditions — and their treatments — are especially known for interfering with normal sexual function. This includes depression [46] and anxiety [47]. Unfortunately, a common side effect of the SSRIs you’ve been prescribed to help your mental health is sexual dysfunction [48, 49, 50].
Note: Do NOT change any course of treatment without first consulting your doctor.
Other conditions or injuries may interfere with your ability to orgasm as well, and talking to your doctor can help identify them.
Other Common Medical Issues
There are many other common medical issues that may be affecting your ability to come as often as you’d like. If you experience any of them, talk to your doctor.
Dyspareunia – You should definitely talk to your doctor if you’re not just having trouble cumming but you have pain during sex, also known as dyspareunia [51, 52, 53, 54, 55].
Vulvar Vestibulitis (aka vestibulodynia) – This condition is characterized by burning and soreness at the vaginal entrance at attempted penetration [56]
Vaginismus – This is a condition where the muscles at the opening of the vagina become tightly contracted, causing pain during sex [57]. Even if he’s average sized, his penis will feel WAY too big when you have vaginismus.
Hymen – If you’re newer to sex, your hymen may be preventing penetration and make it painful [58, 59]. In some women, the hymen covers most or all of the vaginal entrance [60, 61, 62].
Your doctor might also want to test for STIs as infections such as trichomoniasis [63] and HPV [64] can cause pain during sex (dyspareunia).
Some women find it harder to cum than others, but if you improve your knowledge of your body, work on your relationship, and create a situation where orgasm is more likely, you’ll be able to make yourself cum. You can use those same techniques during sex, too, for a better sex life.
Resources
The following two resources may be helpful if you’re unsure whether you’re having an orgasm.
Teen Vogue asked women what their orgasms feel like, and the descriptions are awesome.
Some women describe having orgasms without the physical signs according to one doctor.
Jessica Graham talks about how she used mindfulness to enjoy sex even more in this post on Deconstructing Yourself.
GoodTherapy walks you through the practice of sensate focus, a type of mindfulness that Masters and Johnson developed to help patients improve sexual function such as orgasm.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ #1 – I can only cum by myself, not during sex. What’s wrong with me?
There’s nothing wrong with you at all if you don’t know how to cum during sex. Many women don’t orgasm regularly during sex [65].
Your partner may not have enough experience at touching your body, which time and guidance can help. Similarly, you may have to more directly tell your partner what you like and how to touch you.
The more sex includes activities like those you use during masturbation, the more likely you’ll cum. If you enjoy clit stimulation but define sex only as penetrative intercourse without clitoral play, then you’re probably not going to cum.
The distance between your vaginal opening and clitoris actually affects whether you’ll come without direct clitoral stimulation during sex [66, 67].
Another issue at play may be anxiety about sex, which could be making it harder for you to cum and is probably not doing you any favors when you want to be horny.
FAQ #2 – Why can’t I cum like in the movies?
Whether you’re watching a Hollywood romance or a porn flick, the messages you’re getting about sex and orgasm are unhelpful and certainly unrealistic. You might never have an orgasm from penetration alone. The orgasms you have may not ever make you curl your toes; you may not even be particularly vocal or active during your orgasm. You and your partner may not orgasm simultaneously, in fact simultaneous orgasm is the exception, not the rule
And your orgasms may vary in intensity. For example, some women can orgasm during intercourse but find that adding clitoral touching makes their orgasms better [68].
FAQ #3 – Why doesn’t my sex toy make me cum?
There’s a misconception that a sex toy such as a vibrator will “make” you cum, but it’s not a law of nature. Some women do find that they experience their first orgasm when using a toy. Toys can make it easier for you to cum. Some women are also able to have multiple orgasms thanks to toys [69].
Here’s the issue with toys and other “magic pills”…
There isn’t a single thing that acts like a magic key to unlock your orgasm (and this includes a lover or penis that’s “perfect”). If you’re still weighed down by guilt or other sex-negative narratives, you may not be able to cum…
No matter what you do.
A turbulent relationship may prevent you from cumming during sex. Unknown medical conditions may throw a wrench into the works, too.
They solution is identifying the problem and then taking the correct course of action to fix it.
FAQ #4 – How do I know if I’ve cum?
Some people say that you’ll just know if you have an orgasm, but that’s not actually true for all people, especially women who do not have a strong physical reaction when they orgasm.
Your Man Probably Doesn’t Have The Answer? – Although men sometimes swear they can tell when their partner cums…you are the person with the most accurate information [70].
Release Of Tension – The arousal process to the point of orgasm involves tension. When you cum, that tension is released [71].
Muscle Contractions – Orgasms involve involuntary muscle contractions associated with a release of built-up tension or pressure within the pelvic area [72], specifically your pelvic muscles. The pelvic floor muscles support the bladder, uterus, and bowel [73], and can be felt around your vagina and anus when you orgasm [74]. Your partner may feel these around his penis, or you may even be able to feel/see a toy move with the contractions!
Feeling Like Peeing Beforehand? – Some women may feel like they have to pee before orgasm. This is especially common with G-spot stimulation. It’s unlikely that you’re going to urinate; however, you can pee before sex to feel comfortable enough to let your body do what it’s going to do when you cum!
Vaginal v Clitoral – The orgasm may “spread” throughout your body. Your entire body may have a response during an orgasm; although, some orgasms are much more localized. You might realize that you experience different types of orgasms you, vaginal vs clitoral, for instance [75]. However, both “types” of orgasms stem from clitoral stimulation; it’s just a different part of your clitoral organ [76, 77]!
Related: How To Experience Full Body Orgasmic Bliss with Vaginal Orgasms
Other Ways To Tell If You Have Cum – Your orgasm may feel pleasurable. Although, it’s okay if it feels weak or if your orgasms are more about release than pleasure.
Other women report feeling warmth as they orgasm.
Some women experience emotional responses [78]. These can vary from feeling close to your partner, a feeling of spirituality, and…
You’re not alone if you cum and you feel like crying, either; although, that’s not as common.
Orgasm can last between 3 and 60 seconds [79]. Interestingly, a study has shown that duration may not correspond to the pleasure you experience during an orgasm [80]…longer orgasms are not necessarily better.
FAQ #5 – Should I “fake it” and pretend to cum?
You can read about this a bit further up, but we never suggest faking your orgasm. This actually enforces that your partner should keep doing what he’s doing, even if it doesn’t make you orgasm. Or worse — it actually feel bad or painful! It’s absolutely okay to ask for what you want and show your partner how to touch you.
If you keep faking your orgasm, he’s unlikely to try new things to get you to cum.
Of course, guys have fragile egos…
So, if your partner finds out you’ve been pretending to cum, he might feel hurt or betrayed. Even if he doesn’t find out, you might feel pretty guilty about the whole thing.
Plus, some men know when their partners are faking [81].
Furthermore, it’s okay if you don’t cum. Sex and masturbating can feel good and be worthwhile even if you don’t cum all the time — or ever.
FAQ #6 – Will medication help me cum?
While the FDA approved a drug known as Flibanserin for the management of low sexual desire [82], there is no medication that can help women have orgasms.
Orgasm Every Time. Easily. Here’s How...
I want to tell you about my friend Karen.
Karen came to me one day. She was hysterical.
She told me that her marriage was falling apart because she and her husband didn’t have satisfying sex.
Every time they were intimate, Karen was faking her orgasms. It turns out she couldn’t orgasm during sex.
In fact...
She never had an orgasm in her entire life. Not one!
This left her feeling embarrassed and ashamed.
Even worse...
She stopped wanting sex with her husband, slowly driving him away, and...
Almost destroying her marriage. Thankfully...
It turns out that there is a simple solution for women who struggle to orgasm, whether you are having sex or masturbating.
I shared the process with Karen.
After she followed the simple process, she could barely come to terms with how...
Quickly and dramatically her sex life changed.
We met up a few months later and...
She would not stop talking about it,
“I thought I was one of those women who couldn’t orgasm. I used to think I was ‘broken’ and ‘unfixable.’ This saved my sex life, and that saved my marriage.”
Even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or while masturbating, this process will also work for you.
And best of all, you don’t need to do anything weird or uncomfortable to start having the best orgasms and sex of your life.
I can’t cum when I masturbate, because I have to squirt first. Apparently that’s sexy for some guys but I’m not really sure.
Hi Bea,
You’re absolutely right. You’ll find that quite a lot of guys find girls who can squirt to be incredibly sexy.
I want to learn how to squirt, how does it happen?
Hi Sherlon,
You may be interested in checking out this article on squirting.
Bea:
Be assured, we men find it very sexy.
I’m a man and I’m sorry for a diferente opinion but I don’t like girls or women who squirt. It makes me feel I am in the presence of a man. And believe me, most of the men prefer girls who just get wet without squirting.
Well I would say your DIFFERENT opinion needs a little mind put to it :/
I disagree I think it is very sexy and hot.I also like your opinion too
i am with a guy for 2 years and 5 months and he may me cum for 1 year and a half and then i just stop cumming and i dont know why??my boyfriend use to make me come with his mouth..but i just can cum and i need help to tell my why this happened
Hi Jenn,
There is literally a million reasons why this is happening. It could be a hormonal thing. It could be a different technique he is using. It could be due to certain medications. I honestly can’t give you the right answer. It’s best to talk to a medical professional about it.
Sean
So I am 25 and I just cant figure out how to cum by myself or with my bf we have been together for about 5yrs and I am getting frustrated that no matter what its not happening. Is there a way that I would not know I did even if I did? I seriously do not think I have ever came its so sad. When a women does cum is it a lot? or just a little that comes out. I really need like step by step directions or something I have read that some girls describe it as having and urge to pee? I feel like I cant do the job right by myself. Would a bigger penis do the job? Or is it just me?
Hi Erindira,
Not every girl can cum when they orgasm, so don’t worry about it too much! Some can and some can’t! However if you are experimenting and would like to cum when you orgasm, I always advise that you try and do it by yourself first before doing it with your man. This way you don’t have to worry about the pressure of having your man beside you/on top of you.
Sean
I orgasm but i dont cum when i rub my clit? Any answers?
Hi Jess,
That sounds perfectly normal. Many women don’t cum when they orgasm and many women can cum despite not actually having an orgasm and some women do both at the same time.
Sean
hi im 19 and i used to be able to cum and ever since i had my son i squirt now and i HATE it i miss being able to cum my fiance says wthat when i sqiuirt it smells like pee i tried playing with my self my cought some to see what color is it suppose to be… and it looked like pee how can i make my self cum an squrit the right way please help me any ansewrs…
Hi Kayla,
It’s perfectly normal for a little pee to come out when you squirt, but most of the fluid should be from your Skene’s gland, not your bladder. The first thing that I would do is to make sure that you use a towel during sex to soak it up.
I’d advise you to try and masturbate on your own and when you feel yourself reaching the ‘edge’, focus on trying to control the feeling so that you can still orgasm, but don’t squirt. It can be tough at first, but with a lot of practice, you’ll find that it gets far, far easier.
If the problem keeps persisting and you are sure that it’s mostly urine, then try talking to your OB/GYN about it.
Sean
Scientist have proven that when a girl squirts, its just pee.
Hey Shere, would love to see the research on this
No they haven’t, they say it has a small amount of urine in it but different chemicals. No matter if a woman squirts or just cums regularly it exits from the urethra- same place as urine, but doesn’t have the same chemicals
Just go pee before you have sex. Female ejaculation comes from the urethra no matter what form it is. There are glands that release liquid into the urethra. Therefore there is a small amount of pee in it but it has been studied and does not have the same amount of chemicals as in urine. Contrary to popular belief, we do not cum from our vagina. All that is there is a natural lubricant.
My husband and I have been married a year and half. When he goes down on me, which is ALOT…I tense up and get so very very close to orgasm, then I just tense up and can’t let go! He wants me to cum every time! So he knows that he’s pleasing me! I’m really frustrated! On our wedding night I exploded, then another time I was drunk and didn’t know what was going on(felt bad) those two times I cummed!! Now I can’t, what’s wrong? What do I do to relax and let go I’ve tried so much!
Hi Elizabeth,
Often it takes a while to learn how to relax and just let go. For some, they have a feeling of shame or even guilt when it comes to enjoying sex. For others, they just plain have a hard time completely letting go. They may find that getting a little drunk (like in your case) or doing something else like being tied up helps them to totally submit to their feelings and let go.
My advice is not to worry too much about it or put any pressure on yourself to ‘cum for him’. Just focus on enjoying yourself, even if you don’t cum.
Sean
For me as a man how do I cum
I have this problem. Try letting him do it from behind if you get weird about his nose being near your bum do it nose down. So you on all fours and him either in the same position just side by side with you and his head should be upside down. Or 69 possition. It worked for my wife. She has a small clit that is super sensitive. Start with slow kisses outside and don’t go near the clit till you’re ready. Communication is key. Just tell him your more sensative than anyone else he should be fine w it. Goodluck.
Sean when I’m going to masturbate and have intimate time on my own I pee first but, when I’m arroused and getting ready to squirt I feel like if I’m going to pee and idk if its normal and when I do squirt it is ALOTTT????
Hi Mimi,
That feeling of needing to pee is completely normal, most women get it.
Sean
Sean I love Ur articles but, how do I know if its pee or if I’m really squirting when.I’m using my vibrator on.my clit help me please
Hi Mimi,
Honestly, it can be hard to tell. The jury is still out on exactly what ejaculate contains.
Best,
Sean
How do I know if I’ve orgasmed or not?
When I do it with myself I can manage to get to the peak, but I can’t seem to let go, and then a little while later the intense feeling leaves…
I’ve read some comments and now I’m confused as to what the difference between an orgasm and coming is…
And the only way I’ve been able to get near the climax is through rubbing my clit.
Hi Kerry,
Sounds like you are doing it correctly 🙂 Coming involves secreting or ejaculating fluid from your vagina. Sometimes it occurs with orgasm, sometimes it doesn’t. When you orgasm, you should feel a very intense peak and then afterwards your clitoris should feel almost too sensitive to touch.
Sean
When I am by myself I try masturbating using clitoris sensation but as soon as I start I automatically tense up and when I feel like I should release I just remain tense and it eventually becomes frustrating and a little painful. What am I doing wrong?
Hi Angel,
The key is really relaxing and embracing that feeling. Focus on what you find pleasurable and if you find anything painful, then stop doing it. It can take time to fully be able to relax and enjoy the feeling, but you’ll quickly discover that it’s totally worth it!
Sean
Whenever I use my electric toothbrush to masturbate I always end up “squirting” or “gushing”
Out a liquid before I orgasm, I always pee before I masturbate, does this sound like I’m squirting? Or just peeing a bit?
Sounds like squirting.
I can not cum myself how hard I tried, perhaps that may be my mental condition during the masturbation. But when I am with my G/F it happens very easily.
Hi Neela,
Perhaps it is mental. But there could be other factors at play also like whether or not you use anti-depressants or it could depend on your experience. Maybe you just need the touch of someone you care about to push you over the edge. It doesn’t sound like you have any major sexual dysfunction, so I’d advise that you don’t worry about it too much and only focus on what feels most pleasurable.
Have fun!
Sean
I cant cum my self what do I use I need help not a bf but how do I do it myself????
Rub your clit in slow motion and keep doing it till you feel warm liquid coming out
how do I cum by myself with out a boyfriend I need help how to!?!?!
Hi Ashley,
You might want to check out this article on how to finger yourself and this article on how to masturbate to get you started.
Enjoy!
Sean
So I found this article when I was looking to learn specific info on squirting. I understand the process and feel like I get very close, but my trouble is with the ‘relaxing’ part. I have no idea how to make this happen. When I cum, I’m about as tense as I can get. If I’m ever to pop a vessel, it’ll be when I’m cumming. I don’t think I can possibly cum if I’m not all tensed up, sometimes I even hold my breath. I’m in my 30s so I’m no stranger to orgasms, but is there another way to reach it without being wound so tight? Sometimes my muscles actually hurt after a good long night of sex because of all the tension I’ve built up. I don’t think I’ll be able to squirt when I’m so tight when I cum. Maybe I can retrain myself? Any thoughts?
Hi Bugaboo,
This article on squirting should answer most of your questions.
Here is a tip from a girl who has ruined every mattress she’s had…not that you want to do that.
Kegels. Tense your kegels throughout the day, tense them when you are urinating. It strengthens those muscles and helps you ejaculate when the time arrives. I have squirted every single time I’ve had sex, everyone is built different but I think it helps. When I’m at the peak I get a feeling like I need to tense them or also can be described as a need to push…and voila! you’ve just made him think you’re a porn star .
Delia,
Thanks for the tip. So, by saying kegels, do you mean that it’s something you actively have to push out to do? Wouldn’t that make you fart half the time, and if you’re really unlucky, shit yourself? I managed to get a little squirt out today after a long dildo session but I had to be incredibly focused and had to really force it. I think if another person were involved it would be way too much of a distraction. Did you have to learn it or was it natural? If I’m just squirting by myself it’s just a pointless mess to clean up, but with my love it would be hot as hell. Also, as is, if I tried to do it with him I’d push him right on out of me and that’s just not sexy. And I really would rather not fart. Maybe you have more tips to tell? I’m a willing and able student.
Bugaboo
What are kegels? I’m new and don’t know a lot of the terms. Is it like you kinda clench your vagina together?
You can find out more in the Kegels Guide.
Ive been sexually actove for 3 years and have never had an orgasm or cummed before. I really want to experience this, as i feel itll make sex so much more enjoyably for both me and my partner. But weve tried just about everything and i just cant seem to… Whats wrong with me?
Hi Cass,
There doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong. You may want to check out this article and this one though. They should help a lot.
Sean
I know how to make yourself cum if you a girl easy and simple
1: make sure your in a area that no one can disturb you in
2: rub your clit(area befor hole)in circle motion in normal pace
3: keep doing it to you feel warm liquid oozeing out
That’s how I cum
So… What if it’s your first time and you couldn’t cum..? I’m a bit timid.
Honestly, it’s not big deal. Just relax and try not to focus too much on cumming
I can cum if I touch a sensitive pink part below my vagina because it’s a delicate body part.But I need to cum in the shower because it keeps staining my bed sheets.LOL!!!
When ever I rub my clit I cum but when I finger myself I can never seem to cum. Why is that? Help!
Hi Nikki,
Different people orgasm differently. Some have more sensitive clits than their vaginas/G Spots. But the reverse is also true. It just sounds like your clit is far more sensitive.
Sean
So i was wondering, why does it always feel like im ganna pee? Are you supossted to feel like that?Whenever it happens I just stop.
Yes, this is a pretty normal feeling that I explain in more detail in the squirting guide here.
I’m 21 years old. My boyfriend and I are doing long distance. We have Skype sex. But I can never cum no matter what. I rub my clit and I do feel so good when I rub it but I just can’t cum. I’m meeting my boyfriend in 3 months and I want to learn how to cum be fore that. What do I do?
Whenever I rub my clit I can’t seem to cum. Five seconds in to rubbing it I pee. Why can’t I cum and why do I only pee? Is there something wrong with me?
You may be squirting. The key is focusing on pleasurable rubbing sensations, not the orgasm itself.
Thanks this helped a lot
Don’t mind this comment. I thought the other one didn’t send but now I see it
whenever I masturbate by rubbing my clit and I feel like im about to reach my climax, I tense up and dont cum or squirt anything, I dont know what i am doing wrong, do i just push or something? please help.
It sounds like you need to focus on either relaxing more and letting your body’s automatic response take over…or you may need to tense up and “push” the orgasm through. Different women require different strategies. My advice is to try both and see what works for you.
Sean
I recently have started masturbating a lot more then I used to. I’ve tried to rub my clit or finger myself but I can never reach orgasm that way. I discovered that I can use my showerhead and I can cum but it’s sort of an inconvience for me but the orgasm is amazing. Ever since then my clit has weakened and just rubbing it does nothing for me. I’m afraid that my boyfriend won’t be able to get me off either. What should I do?
Hi Lizzy, it sounds like you should lay off the showerhead for a few months to allow your clit to re-sensitize.
I’ve been masturbating for nearly three years now.. And I could never cum..
Is there any tips so I can cum?
Check out the Orgasm Guide here Tay.
Hi my name is Lorri I’m 19 when I have intercourse with my boyfriend(1 year 1/2)I can never have a orgasm .am I doing something wrong please help
Hi Lorri, check out this guide to help you orgasm more easily.
OMG thank you soon muchh
I just discovered my clit and how to give myself pleasure and I’m 22 years old. I can’t help but want to keep doing it and I find myself thinking about it during the day. Am I addicted to pleasuring myself? Thanks
As long as it doesn’t interfere with your normal life then it’s perfectly fine.
I can only have an orgasam with girls and gay guys what’s wrong with me please tell me sean
It doesn’t sound like anything is wrong.
I dont know if i cum or not. How would i know. Sorry im really new to this
i masterbate but i dont cum i just have that feeling to squirt sometimes or it just brings no pleasure, what do i do?
I’ve always been able to cum when masturbating but never during sex. No matter what position I’m in nothing comes out of my vagina
Sounds like you have become too accustomed to orgasming through masturbation. It’s going to be quite difficult for your man to match the same type of stimulation during sex that you use during masturbation. My advice is to stop masturbating for a few months and this will allow your body to ‘reset’.
Is there a difference between cumming and having an orgasm?
I sometimes use these words interchangeably to mean reaching a peak of pleasure, but other classify cumming as producing a liquid from the vagina and/or reaching orgasm at the same time.
I can cum during sex no matter what happens. But I can only cum during masturbation if I do it when I’m sad or stressed. If I masturbate when I’m happy my vagina just feels like a carpet
I used to be able to cum during sex and masturbation. Behind closed doors I would take off my clothes and either do it to myself or with a guy and I would cum within 5-10 minutes. Nowadays I can hardly cum when I masturbate. I love cumming because when I orgasm I just feel like all my stress was released in the thing that just came out of my vagina. I don’t do it regularly just 4-5 times a week. I cummed when I lost my virginity and I’ve cummed every time I’ve had sex since
I read this. But I seem I can’t cum. How? Why can you please tell me how?
There’s nothing to actually be gained when a girl cums. We all know guys cum so that the population can keep increasing. But when you’re a girl there’s really nothing to be gained when the thing that just came out of your vagina comes out
Hi, whenever i masturbated i always cummed
but now i literally can’t cum since2-3 months
is there any problem or what?
Has something changed in your life? Extra stress? New medication?
I used to be able to cum every time during both sex and masturbation but now I only cum during masturbation and squirt during sex
If you wanna cum during sex the trick is to get your partner to stop when he’s about to climax and repeat until you’re about to cum and then you both orgasm
I cum very easily bt never squited how can l do so that l can squit
Check out the Squirting Guide.
I’m hope, my boyfriend and I are new so I’m still getting comfortable around him but also I want to keep him satisfied only I can’t cum how do I fix that
Try the Orgasm Guide 😉
I have never came and I want to know why? I want to cum
The Orgasm Guide should help.
i have been sexually active with a girl for 3 months, she has never climaxed, can the fact that she never played with herself or never been touched before at all be a big factor and can that make her not orgazom/cum? I used to suck at sex now I last very long and I honestly pound her, she screams and scratches my back and says it’s too intense then backs out, but she hasn’t come, she loves sex, Can you help me?
Focusing too much on making her orgasm can put a lot of pressure on her…which will make it hard for her to orgasm.
If she wants to orgasm during sex, then first she needs to figure out how to do it on her own.
Once she orgasms easily and reliably on her own, then you can start trying to make her orgasm during sex.
Also…Just because she doesn’t reach orgasm, doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself.
She refuses to play with her self but I almost got her off with oral then it just went away
My boyfriend has gotten lazy on me. It has been more about him at first but now it is all about him. I have started taking it and he doesn’t even notice.
I have sent him links from this web site and he doesn’t even check them out. I have even told him I am board, asked him why does it have to be all about you and even nicked names him Mr Tame. Things changed !maybe 2 times then right back to it was before.
When he used to ask me to touch it with this big big smile on his face it was cute. Now I dread it when he asks.
I don’t know what else to do. Help!!
The reason most of the girls are commenting things like “I can’t cum during sex or masturbationg”, “I can cum during masturbation but not sex” and “I used to be able to cum during both sex and masturbation but now I only cum during masturbation and squirt during sex” is because only 1 in 3 women worldwide can orgasm regularly from simple penetration
I have sex a lot, and master bate a whole lot like all the time, but sometimes my penis shrinks in size, fully erect I’m 5.2 then sometimes I’m like 4.7 and I don’t feel rock solid, is it because I master bate a lot? Could it be my level of arousal? And is my penis average?
I could not cum. Ever. I’d always tell the guy “This is how I’ve always been.” Most got frustrated and tried everything. I really enjoyed sex but never came. THEN I met a new guy. He was like, “oh I’ll get you to cum.” I was like “yeah whatever. Not a big deal. This is the way I’ve always been.” Well, he never got frustrated and we just enjoyed making love. It took me quite a while to feel comfortable AND believe me, I’ve read all of your posts and many others and tried a ton of stuff to help me. AND he made me cum. Now it happens almost every time and I’m in heaven.
Plus I give him the best blow jobs he’s ever had in his life because of this awesome website! Seriously. I never used to like doing them by now, OMG, he thinks I’m some kind of goddess.
PS I’m 50 and finally enjoying it all with an amazing loving man.
Thank you!!
Glad I could help 😉
Hey I’m a virgin and whenever I pleasure myself I can’t seem to cum… i feel like I satisfied myself but when I touch to see if any cum is there.. there isn’t anything
Is something wrong?
Sounds perfectly healthy and normal
When I was twenty two,I married a sexually selfish guy. At sixty three I hooked up with a dude and had the best sex of my life. He moved away and I’m being patient waiting for someone else. Also, he had the biggest cock that I’ve ever seen and I fucking enjoyed giving him blow jobs and he tore me up fucking me. Still knocking boots at sixty five!