The scene you use when you write erotica, dirty stories you whisper to your man in bed, what you visualize when right before you orgasm. What do these things all have in common? They’re sexual fantasies!
Sexual fantasies are incredibly common. Both men and women have them, and they often don’t involve your partner. Having a sexual fantasy simply means you’re a normal human being with a sexual nature, even if you’re fantasizing about something other than your partner. A mental fantasy provides variation from your typical sex life, which can keep things hot.
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Some sexual fantasies can even be realized, even though a fantasy might not actually be something you want to do. And you can explore some fantasies with your man without having to live the exact fantasy.
The following are some of the more common sexual fantasies that women have!
1. Oral Sex
When we talk about sexual fantasies, you might imagine something like hardcore BDSM. And while we’ll get to that, fantasies aren’t necessarily all about “hardcore” activities. Several studies list giving and receiving of oral sex as a common fantasy. This fantasy becomes more common in situations where this otherwise “vanilla” sexual activity isn’t frequently had.
If your man rarely goes down on you, then your main sexual fantasy might be to be eaten out more often, especially if it’s the best bet to make you orgasm. Fortunately, we have this advice about getting your man to go down on you.
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This leads us to the next “vanilla” sexual fantasy.
2. Anal Sex
Although you may have tried anal sex or do it regularly, this is a fantasy for many people who haven’t. And it’s certainly okay if you fantasize about anal if you’ve never had it. We’ve got some great tips for the first time you have anal sex, but feel free to keep it in fantasy land if you’re more comfortable. Opening up in such a vulnerable way can feel especially intimate and submissive for women, which is why many women like it. If you’re imagining penetrating your man, you might have a pegging fantasy. More on that here.
3. Forced Sex
The idea of forced sex certainly takes things up a notch. Rape fantasies are incredibly common, especially for women, but playing them out in real life comes with risks. If you don’t truly feel as though you have control of the situation, you may feel as though your experience was negative and even feel similar to having actually been a victim of rape. This is why it’s important to talk about how the fantasy scene will look before you go into it, and to do so while sober.
We also recommend a safe word or action, which is a common part of the safety practiced in BDSM. A safe word should be easy to remember and say and distinguishable from a word such as “No” or “Stop,” which you may use as part of your rape fantasy scene. If you’re gagged, you could drop a ball to make noise to alert you’re partner when things aren’t going to way you planned. Click here to learn about safe words.
4. Dominance and Submission
According to one study, both dominating and being dominated are among the most common sexual fantasies of both genders. Obviously, dominating your man puts you in a position of power that you might not get during your everyday life. Submitting is also alluring to many people who have too much responsibility on a daily basis and just need to let go sometimes!
Dominance and submission are just one part of BDSM – more on that in this post. We recommend giving it a try at least once! You can learn how to be submissive here. Remember, the same rules about safety and communication apply as with a forced sex fantasy! If you absolutely want to make sure you’re on the same page as your partner, a BDSM contract like the one in this post can help. However, you may not need something so formal if you’re only experimenting with light bondage.
Whether you’re on top or bottom, these types of fantasies can be quite fulfilling, especially when paired with…
This sex fantasy goes quite well with dominance and submission, but you can certainly try it out on its own. Binding your arms and/or legs with restraints, wearing a ball gag, donning a blindfold or going even more extreme can really keep your sex life exciting – even if you only fantasize about it while masturbating. Bondage symbolizes surrender, in which many people find freedom.
Bondage can be light and fluffy, with fur and silks, or extreme with metal hardware and Japanese knots! Perhaps this is why it’s such a common fantasy. Plus, bondage/fetish fashion has a certain aesthetic appeal that might turn you on, too!
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6. Stranger Sex
Now, you can certainly put out an ad on Craigslist or a fetish site if you want to have a sexual experience with a stranger, but we’re talking about sexual fantasies here. Not everyone wants to actually have sexual contact with someone they just met. Fortunately, you can play out this fantasy with a sexual partner you do trust. Simply meet up with him at a public place such as a bar or club. You’ll both arrive separately, and go through the rounds of small talk and flirtation. No one else has to know that you’re not strangers.
After building sexual chemistry, you could sneak off to a corner to make out, have sex in your car or even rent a hotel room for a night that fulfills your sexual needs and jump starts your sex life!
7. Sex in Public
Speaking of having sex in your car, having sex in a public place is another common sexual fantasy! There’s any number of reasons why women – and many men! – find this idea hot! Perhaps it’s the risk of getting caught, so you’ll have to make it a quickie, or knowing that someone might be watching (you naughty voyeur!). Being able to have sex in a new environment is novel, and you might have to get creative when it comes to positions
Beware of public indecency laws when you have sex in public. There are also certain areas, such as around schools, where you can get into even more trouble if you’re caught realizing your sexual fantasy! This post has ideas about having sex outside.
While many people assume it’s only men who want to add a third person into the mix, many women want it, too. A threesome allows you to experience another man or woman, which can be such a rush. If you’re into being watched or want to watch your man with someone else, this sexual fantasy might really get your motor running.
There are a couple variations – MMF (two males and you) or FFM (you, another woman and your man), and we’ve got advice to make sure your threesome goes smoothly. When having sex with two men, you can experience double penetration. Women who are into FFM sexual fantasies are often bicurious, and a threesome enables you to experiment with the added benefit that your man is there to watch the action too.
For those who really want to engage in group sex, then there might be truth to the old adage that three’s company – and that more makes merrier! Perhaps you know another couple who wound be down with group sex or swinging!
If you’re not ready or don’t really want to make this fantasy into a reality, that’s okay, too. Perhaps you can touch on the parts of the fantasy that make you go wild by watching porn and discussing what you like about the actors. Or you could add mention of that third person into your dirty talk without really inviting them into your bedroom! A sex toy can also play the part of the third person!
9. Being Watched (and Watching)
Do you shiver with anticipation when you think about someone watching you have sex or masturbating? Perhaps the idea of watching someone else just does it for you. You’re far from alone! There’s a thrill to knowing that someone finds us sexual enough to want to watch, and there’s also something enticing about watching someone else whether they know it or not!
You can act out this type of sexual fantasy in a variety of ways. You could simply masturbate in front of your partner if you’re an exhibitionist, or you plan for him to “discover” you doing this. Perhaps you surprise him when he comes home from work by already being naked on the bed. You can really up the ante by inviting a stranger to look but not touch. Consider filming yourselves having sex. Even if no one sees the video, the fact that it exists can ramp up excitement in the bedroom.
When you’re more a voyeur, you can watch your man touching himself. Perhaps the two of you could enjoy a trip to the local strip club as foreplay. Cam sex (Skype is great for this) can both sate your need to watch and allow you to remain sexually connected when you’re separated from one another. Some people don’t even fantasize about watching their partner have sex. For them, the idea of two strangers having sex in the same room makes a great sexual fantasy!
10. Other Sexual Fantasies
Of course, there are as many sexual fantasies as there are sexual beings, and what you like might change from one day to the next! Fantasies can quickly evolve when you imagine the variations. Instead of being watched by your husband or giving your boyfriend a blowjob, he can become a stranger. You could even swap your partner for a beautiful woman.
Maybe you want to be a sex worker or do a striptease for you man. Perhaps you think about dancing in front of a group of lecherous men! Plus, switching roles can add variety to your fantasies, and there are an endless amount of role playing situations that you can try with your man or simply think about to get yourself off! What I’m trying to say here, is that the possibilities for your sexual fantasies are limited only by your imagination.
When you’re talking about fantasies with your man – use this guide to sexual communication to help – remember that he may have some very different sexual fantasies as the most common fantasies between men and women differ. Not only is it about experiencing your fantasy in real life, but you should be open to whatever his fantasy is, as long as it can be enacted between consenting adults.
What gets him off may not be the same thing that turns you on – more about that here – but being able to try one another’s fantasy will bring the two of you closer together, even if you decide it’s not for you.
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