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It’s more common to think about having sex with your best friend than you might realize because it’s not one of those things that people commonly talk about. However, actually acting on those thoughts is a different thing altogether.For this post, we’ll assume that your best friend is a guy. Hey, it happens! If your BFF is a woman, you might have a whole other slew of issues to deal with.
Why Do You Want to Have Sex With Your Best Friend?
1. You’re Horny
Are you simply horny? Perhaps you’ve had a dry spell. You might not have time to look for a new fuck buddy or dating partners. If you could simply have sex with a friend, even your best friend, it would make things a hell of a lot easier. And since all you want it sex, you think you’re safe from developing feelings. If it’s a one-and-done, the risk might really be pretty low.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It begins by teaching you the techniques to orgasm easily and consistently. Then you'll learn how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. You can find out more here.
Side not: If you are constantly horny and want to stop being horny, then look at these reasons why you are so horny. Of course, if you are struggling to get turned on, this guide on how to get horny should help.
2. You Have Feelings For Him
Sometimes we fall into the trap of trying to, well, trap someone by having sex with them. If you can foster a sexual connection with someone, perhaps a romantic connection will follow. We won’t lie: sometimes that happens.
Related: How to be romantic – 12 romantic ideas.
But if you secretly have feelings for someone, it’s usually unwise to have sex with them and hope that something comes with it. You’re better off having a discussion than having sex. Then, your bestie can let you know how he feels, and you can either act on your feelings or work on getting over them.
Side note: How to improve your sexual communication.
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3. You Want Human Connection
Perhaps you don’t have feelings for your best friend, but you crave intimacy, and sex certainly provides a certain form of intimacy.
Related: 17 intimate sex techniques and 27 intimacy ideas for an intense connection.
But if you want a relationship and he wants a relationship too, you might be better off dedicating your time and effort looking for someone who wants to be in an equal relationship with you where you’ll share genuine caring and connection.
4. You’re Not in the Right Head Space
Most people would never consider sleeping with their best friends. But occasionally we have what turns out to be a pretty unusual – or bad – idea because of where our head is. It might be that you’re drunk or high. Or you might be grieving, stressed out or otherwise not yourself.
Once you get back to your normal headspace, which might require you to sober up or even partake in a little therapy, you might be shocked that you even considered having sex with your best friend. Or you may realize that it’s really not that bad of an idea after all.
Benefits of Having Sex With Your Best Friend
You might realize the risks you run when thinking about sleeping with your best friend, but what about the benefits?
1. You know already each other.
The knowledge you have of each other outside the bedroom might translate into sexual chemistry in the bedroom. And anyone who has struggled because of the sexual learning curve can see why that would be a plus.
Your best friend is likely to understand the way you experience anxiety and stress you have at work. He also knows your friends and family, which might be a positive or a negative depending upon the way you look at it.
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Learn: How to get rid of sexual anxiety.
Furthermore, because you know your best friend, you don’t have to look for someone to have sex with. You can skip clubbing, bar hopping and all the other date ideas because there’s a potential sexual partner right there – if he’s interested.
2. He probably would be down for it.
Some guys will tell you that if they have female friends, they’ve considered having sex with them. Very few guys would be offended by the suggestion (assuming they’re single and straight). This is one reason why people say that you can’t be just friends with a guy, but some people argue otherwise.
Of course, he may not be attracted to you (11 signs of sexual attraction) or see you so platonically that the thought hasn’t crossed his mind. That might mean you need to figure out how to escape the friend zone.
3. You’re Comfortable With Each Other
This might actually be an extension of knowing each other well, but comfort is an important factor when it comes to enjoying sex, especially for women. But you’re comfortable around your best friend, so you can skip that awkward stage where you’re getting to know one another and get right to gettin’ down.
He should read this: How to go down on a girl and eat her pussy.
4. You Get It Out Of Your System
Sometimes all we need is one good romp to stop our brains from obsessing over sex. Then, you can go back to that project at work or even dating without struggling to stop thinking about sex.
5. You Get Practice
Being sexually inexperienced can cause a lot of anxiety about sex. There might be a good looking fellow who you want to have sex with but are afraid to approach because you aren’t yet confident in bed (these 13 positions will make you feel more confident in bed). Enter your best friend, who gives you a helping hand.. or two.
Of course, you might remember a certain plot line in the show FRIENDS. In an alternate universe, Chandler and Monica were just friends, and he steps in to be her first sexual partner. She feels a boost of confidence after finally giving a guy her virginity, which she calls her “flower,” but Chandler finds himself jealous of the man she was practicing for. This leads us to our next point.
But There Are Risks
Of course, there are! That’s why you’re reading this post about having sex with your best friend rather than already jumping straight to having kinky sex. The first risk is a given.
1. Someone Develops Feelings
Even if you don’t have feelings for your best friend, having sex with him could cause them to arise. That’s one of the cons to any friends with benefits relationship. Despite having rules and setting boundaries, one of you is bound to develop feelings. If the other does, too, that can be good.
Of course, if you develop feelings even if you’re not compatible, it might lead to a messy breakup. And that’s never good.
But if it’s one-sided? You might feel resentful, feel used or want more from this relationship than your best friend is willing to give. And this is a problem because it is your best friend, after all.
2. Your Risk Your Friendship
The one thing that prevents many people from having sex with their best friend is the risk that doing so will ruin the friendship. You think that in the long run, you’ll wind up without a sexual partner and without a best friend. If the support your best friend provides you is more significant, then adding sex to the mix might just be too risky. Can you deal with it if your best friend suddenly isn’t your best friend anymore?
3. Your Friendship Feels Awkward
You might not be jeopardizing your friendship entirely if you have sex with your best friend, but you might risk decreasing the quality. Think about the sort of things you would talk to your best friend about. Those subjects probably include sex and the sexual or romantic partners in your life. But if that person is your best friend, you’ll need to find someone else to talk to.
It can go further than that, however. You might feel fine messaging your bestie sixteen times in a row or at all times of the day. That’s what best friends are for, right? But when you’re having sex with each other, it’s easy to over-analyze your interactions and feel yourself being needy. On the hand, you might find that you need space from your friend because you’re now doing the dirty.
Side note: One benefit is that you’ll probably start sending each other lots of sexy text messages.
This might mean you are less close with your best friend and you’re both unsure when to communicate or even how to do it!
4. People May Judge You
If you do let people in on the fact that you’re thinking about or actually having sex with your best friend, you might receive some ire. People are likely to condemn you for making such a “foolish” decision. Others might encourage you to begin a relationship even if that’s not what you want.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t tell anyone, but you should choose someone who can be supportive and balanced without issuing judgment on you and your bestie. And it might be necessary to find someone to whom you can speak about this big thing.
5. The Sex Might Be Bad
Bad sex is an unfortunate fact of life. That’s actually why we created the Bad Girls Bible, to teach you incredible sex tips to satisfy your man and an entire section on how to pleasure a woman.
Sometimes it’s the first time (tips for first time sex) and your sex life will improve (tips on how to improve your sex life) as you get to know each others’ sexual desires and erogenous zones. But sometimes you’re just not sexually compatible. So what do you do if the sex with your best friend is bad? If you never want to have sex with them again?
This situation has the potential be super awkward. You might not know how to tell him. One of you might wind up with hurt feelings. Looking someone in the eye after you’ve had sex can sometimes be awkward, but if the sex was bad and he’s your best friend, it could be mortifying.
If You Have Sex With Your Best Friend
Despite the risks, some people decide to go ahead and have sex with their best friends. Only you can make that decision. Once you’ve decided to go ahead and do it, how do you get to the point where you’re doing it?
You might be upfront with your best friend and say something like “Hey, I haven’t had sex for a while and I know you haven’t, either. How about we scratch that itch together?” Perhaps you simply go in for a kiss or grope when you’re physically close to your friend.
You might bring flirting into your relationship to see if he picks up on the cues. Be prepared that he might not pick up on those signals or, even worse, he does but isn’t interested.
For some people, alcohol or certain drugs might lower inhibitions and can lead to sex. Beware that you might regret decisions that you make while under the influence – and may not be able to legally consent. However, if the two of you are okay with a little social lubricant, a glass of wine might be just what the doctor ordered. In fact, alcohol is how some best friends wind up having sex, to begin with.
If this isn’t going to be a spontaneous decision, you probably want to talk about your expectations and desires to ensure you’re on the same page. Is this a one-time thing (one night stand tips)? How will you deal with feelings? So on and so forth.
Don’t forget safer sex practices such as using birth control and condoms, especially if either of you has other problems.
Specify rules for contact after sex. For some people, this will be easier than for others.
Finally, figure out what you’ll tell future partners. Will they know that you once slept with your best friend? Partners can feel jealous of close friends by default, especially if those friends are of the opposite gender (or the same gender if you’re bi or gay).
Related: How to deal with jealousy
Adding to the fact that you have carnal knowledge of your bestie, and you could be opening up a big can of worms.. with a partner whom you might not even have met yet!
Sometimes, despite all the risk, you’ve just got to have sex with your best friend and see how – and where – it goes. You can minimize some of these risks by following our advice before sleeping with your best friend, but you cannot eliminate any of them completely.
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I just think it’d makes things awkard
I agree because afterwards, there’s always that “what have I done”
matter.
I had sex with my best friend. It was probably the best sex I’ve ever had. We were clear up front that this was a scratch and itch kind of thing and that it wasn’t a “relationship”. It was purely about the physical contact. I don’t regret it and I’d do it again in a second. It really is about where the two people are at though, it could be disastrous of expectations were different.
I be fucking yah know as friends do. Shit be bussin. Just knuckles after you blow out her back and say “as friends” and all will be good.
My best friend recently admitted his feelings for me and yes I have those same feelings for him. He tells me I am beautiful and has always been attracted to me. It takes so much for me not to think of him all the time. I can just pictures the two of us together. I want to act on this because I think there is more than just sex with this.
As a guy, I would say that even if he is massively into you, it would be better to take it slowly. Kissing…. then check everyone is okay. Be naked and playful… then check everyone is okay. Then go for it. Feelings can go sideways for unpredictable reasons, and if it is your best friend, explore physically without actual intercourse as the objective. You want to know you are generally physically into each other before going there, and that naked and playful stage is important if you are considering a LTR.
I have had sex with my best friend and I still do, it’s something we ‘ve tried to stop but it still happens. We both enjoy it so very much but I wouldn’t do it if he had someone with him or even have him in my house.The truth is we have developed something strong.
In the same situation. Just recently started to have sex with my best friend and it amazing. Tried to stop numerous times but it extremely hard when it feels so good. Also, going thru a pandemic doesn’t make it better.
YES the freaking pandemic!! I recently did this and we did drink, but talked about it before having sex. That it cannot ruin our friendship. But there is absolutely that added component of covid! You don’t want to go around exchanging fluids with people, especially ones that aren’t in your “bubble” during the pandemic.
I started to feel extreme sexaul wanting of my best friend. I’m unsure wether I should ask her to have sex or not. Or even if it’s good idea to do it
definetely do it lucas, i asked my best friend and she said yes andwe did it
trust me it was magical,we gonna do it again tommorow after shopping in h&m and zara and i would buy her lingeries
I want to have sex with my bestfriend i just dont know how to ask her shes also a virgin. I think she has also a desire on me I noticed it whenever we talked about sexy things.
My best friend and I were high school sweethearts when I was 15 and he was 17. We dated for a year and then dated again when I was 18, for 6 months. We never had sex, I was a virgin during that time. We broke up and I didn’t see him again for 32 years. We started talking again in January and finally met up 8 months ago. We have become best friends and spend a lot of time together, although now we have sex quite often, and it’s amazing! Makes me wonder why we waited so long, lol.
How to tell my friend that I need to have sex with him
I my best friend ask me questions like. Would I settle down if I met the right women some day …… but question all time like that. And we talk 24/7 I never get tired of hanging out with her and son ….. we been friends since 2 grade and I’m 29 now. I attached to her. Both her personality and she’s beautiful but she says she don’t wanna mess our friendship up. Being together but I really wanna have sex with her. But I would be with her tho. . But. Should I just lose thought of having sex with with her and not mess up our friendship or should I just tell her i wanna fuck her so bad. … I don’t want nobody to know. And i know she thinks I’m attractive too. I just don’t know please. Comment
I think maybe you shoudn’t coz it has been more than 20 years since when you both became friends, and what if this bonded friendship is ruined just for this. I know the urge to tell her but what can we do now brother…I also have feelings for my best friend tho but I am in the same situation. We have been friends since the last 2 years and we are very close to each other and share everything. I don’t think I should tell her, I am not sure if I ever find someone else like after loosing such a sweetheart. I want us to remain friends forever but I won’t mind either if she wants to have sex with me tho.
My friend wants to hookup and if it goes good then keep doing it. He’s just out of a relationship and we’ve been talking A LOT. Everyday at least some. Well we’ve been talking about hooking up for a couple months now but it hasn’t happened. Well now it seems like it’s about to actually happen and just an FYI I’m also a guy. I came out to him and he’s been great, but like I’m worried this will affect our friendship since we have gotten closer since I came out to him. But I already have him on my mind 24/7 and I really like him. But I don’t know how he feels and I’m too worried or not sure how to ask him what he thinks of me? So I want to do this but I’m also concerned about the consequences and I do have feelings for him. Any advice?
Hi Guy, are you sure he’s also into guys? My advice is to make very small moves and judge his reaction. If he’s into those small moves keep moving forward. If not, then it sounds like it’s not to be.
If you decide to have sex with your best friend. Make sure you do it right and make sure you take your time. I’ve recently had sex with my HS. we broke when I was 16 due to military reason. 13 years later we finally met again and had sex. It didn’t go as well as we both taught. Also she also was bisexual so it was iffy. Yet our friendship is not the same. The conversation aren’t the same and now we barley even talk unless I call Her. It’s risk I wouldn’t take but yet if it’s amazing. It’ll lead to a long lasting relationship I belive
I had a really close friend that I had sex with. We both got really slammed one night and it just happened. That basically killed our friendship, I wish we hadn’t done it.
Kinda of how I’m feeling now. Only difference is, I actually have had feelings for him for a while just never acted on them. Treated him like a best guy friend. Now, I want to spend some time with him, but we haven’t even really communicated since that night. I said it would mess up our friendship but I don’t know. We always have fun when we did even small things and I don’t know what to even do now.
Tell him you really need his advice on a guy you have a crush on. That will reassure him that he knows how you expect him to behave, and guys love giving advice to girls. If he says yes, then take him for a walk of go shopping so you get to move around each other naturally, without the awkwardness of a cafe or a home. Once you regain your step, you should be fine. More than likely he is already trying to think of a way back to the friendship without the awkwardness.
Rock and a hard place, my best friend is the younger sister of something like my high school sweetheart. I lost touch of the older sister ,long time ago. Never lost touch with younger one. Its been a very long time. We both express our feelings and for the most part I think it’s mutual. But I don’t think the attraction goes both ways. Only because I think that she is very beautiful. WHAT TO DO.
This is the big question! Do you value your friendship more than a potential relationship? Are you willing to risk losing your friendship?
Hi, i just read this text about having sex with your bestfriend, but one thing wouldn’t stop bothering me. The website is called badgirlsbible so I understand that it is dedicated to girls. But for girls it does not have to be an “he” as you refer in your text. Next time you write a similar text, please value my words
I started the website about 10 years ago, when I guess I was more immature and choose “girls” in the name as it sounded catchier. I never considered how it would be interpreted and now I’m stuck with it…agh!
I devorce my husband because he was having sex with his friend.is not good at all .how can he have feelings for the friend and feelings for the wife in the same time
It can happen, but it doesn’t mean you should put up with it.
I’ve been friends with this
friend for almost 30 years and we both have trades photos, sexting, and flirted with each other. She is a irreplaceable friend and she’s very attractive. Now she don’t seem like she wants it as much as she did
… I don’t know what to do and it’s killing me!! I could never be made at her due to the fact we e been very close friends for almost 30 yrs. I need some help on this issue. Thanks
My friend and I decided a work through a dry spell together.
Which was awkward, but thrilling, because we are both straight-ish (college girl flirts and quickies a decade ago, but never with each other.) It went VERY well at first, and despite what we said about a one time “helping hand”, we kept it going pretty regularly, probably too regularly. Looking back, the next time was all we seemed to talk about after the first time. And then it got weird. She quickly determined that I am “too focused on the O”, and I eventually discovered that she wants to pretend to be a three year old in a nappy. And it unraveled. We were trying to keep cool for a few months. Now we work eight feet apart and will never make eye contact again. I am sad every day when I see her, and she is the only person I could ever go to when I’m sad. I have even cried a couple times at work. Two years later I am still googling and reading these articles.
I’m in a good relationship with my boyfriend for 10 years now,but though I have feelings for 7 years guy friends. I don’t know what to do
I really want to have sex with my bestie. She’s really very beautiful and attractive and I have feelings for her. We’ve being friends for 2 years now and I always feel the urge to have sex with her but I don’t know how to tell her. Though I know she has feelings for me too and she’s still a Virgin. We have talked about Sex stuffs before and anytime she tells me she’s horny via text, I’m not always with her. It always pains me a lot!
I come at this from a different perspective, two months before my girlfriend and I met and got into a relationship she twice slept with her male friend of ten years. When they were both single over the years, the two of them would hang out alone together for companionship but nothing ever happened. It seems like they did a lot of friend activities and they have been physically attracted to each other. She told me that neither of them ever had romantic feelings for each other. She said she did it because she felt lonely and was still getting over her three year relationship with her ex-fiancé, which ended about a year before. She wasn’t finding any connections on dating sites and felt discouraged. She also said that she ended the sleeping with her friend after the second time because it was weird and the sex was not good and she didn’t feel right about it. It has caused a rift in our relationship because she still wants to be friends with this guy and cares for him as a friend, even though she regrets what happened. We agree that they shouldn’t hang out alone or anything like that. But they have other friends in common. On the one hand, I don’t feel like I can tell her who to be friends with. On the other hand, even if they hang out in a group setting, I still feel uncomfortable. Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks everyone.
Hi Sam, I really want to be able to give you perfect advice that will solve all your problems, but ultimately I can’t as I just don’t know you, your girlfriend or your relationship as well as you do. All I can say is that life is complicated and that perhaps trusting your girlfriend is the best option.
From what you are saying, it sounds like she has been incredibly honest and forthright with you so far.
My friend and I have known each other for over 5 years. He was locked up initially but has been home for about a year. Since we started hanging out in person, we have gotten even closer. The sexual chemistry is out of this world… but at the end of the day, our love is stronger. We want to have sex, but I’m nervous because of our feelings for each other. However, I think we’re gonna go for it… but I’m going to make sure we talk to each other before and after.
I love this man…
I’ve been in a nowhere, dead-end relationship for thirteen years that sometimes is abusive and consider myself lucky if he gets hard enough to fuck me three times a year for a duration of 5 to 10 minutes each. After telling my SO how I met a guy through a mutual friend and we have really hit it off and consider him as a best friend. My SO looks me in the eye and says I know you need more sex than I can give you, so go ahead and have your fun adding you can even bring him home. He didn’t have to tell me twice. After trying for the longest time to work up the courage to tell Mike (my bestie) that I wanted to have sex with him it was game on. He was feeling the same way. I’m finally laid as much as a 44 year old woman should be. Our friendship is incredible if he dates someone, there is no awkwardness.
Wow, thanks for sharing Michelle
My best friend and I have sex and it’s amazing actually the best dick I ever had in my life we understand the assignment so we never have any issues we have amazing ass sex but still very much just best friends 🙂
My bestie and me have been knockin’ boots for more than a decade. Strictly sex, no emotions. She loves to get off and I love getting her off. No kissing, just fucking. No awkwardness. No feelings. Just orgasams. Lots of orgasams.