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Training is an element that some couples incorporate into their BDSM relationships. Punishment is used to correct unwanted behavior, and some dominants strive to find the perfect punishment. The following BDSM punishment ideas and advice will help you find what works for you and your relationship.
How Do BDSM Punishments Work?
An important element of many D/s relationships is discipline (discover how to have a functional D/s relationship). What’s another word for discipline? Punishment!
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BDSM punishments are a way to help a dominant train their submissive. For the rest of this article, we’ll discuss punishments as if you are the dominant, but you can show this page to your dominant if he is looking for new, cruel and unusual ways to punish you.
Learn how to be more dominant in the bedroom.
Whenever your submissive does something wrong, you punish him to teach a lesson. On the other hand, you provide encouragement and reward for those things that he does right. It means he understands the rules and your expectations – and he provides the right amount of attention to detail when performing those tasks.
Related: 8 Vital BDSM Rules
These submissive tasks and their corresponding punishments might be outlined in your BDSM contract (discover more in this post on BDSM contracts), or they may be more informal. You devise them as the need arises and as you see fit. But if your sub/slave hasn’t agreed to punishment, then you can’t suddenly start punishing him.
Related: If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You'll also learn the 5 dangerous & "dumb" sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
Just because you’re in a BDSM relationship doesn’t mean you have to incorporate BDSM punishments. You might not have a training or service relationship at all, instead focusing more on sensation, sadomasochism, or bondage over discipline. Or you might be intent on training your submissive with a focus in positive reinforcement versus negative (punishment).
Psst, does this sound a little too advanced for you? Check out BDSM for Beginners.
The Punishment Should Fit the Crime
Now, there is no actual crime. There might be a bad attitude, a broken rule or some other infraction. But whatever you choose for discipline must be more or less equal to the infraction. A minor mistake, therefore, might warrant a timeout.
You should save harsher BDSM punishments for worse – or repeated – infractions. It’s just like parenting. Consider this: use the least painful punishment to get the message across.
If you have trouble matching the discipline to the error, you might be disciplining your submissive in anger. Again, it’s similar to parenting. Anger can lead to making poor decisions regarding the BDSM punishments you give. It’s often helpful to take a breather to determine what punishment fits the crime and to ensure you’re not overdoing the punishment when it comes time to give it out.
Punishment should never be given when you’re angry because it’s all too easy to be too intense and potentially hurt your sub. You don’t want to go past what your sub can handle, which brings us to our next point.
Know Your Sub’s Limits
BDSM punishments must be practical and possible to complete. You don’t want to assign something that you know your submissive won’t be able to do. Failure is not your objective with BDSM discipline.
You can’t expect someone with arthritis or an injury to hold themselves in place for a prolonged period. Even though this might be a good form of BDSM discipline for an able-bodied person, a slip or fall could lead to further injury.
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Lousy Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
Furthermore, avoid punishments that could be potentially dangerous, including those that dehydrate someone or cut off their circulation. If your submissive is trying to please you by following instructions, he might not let you know that he cannot perform a certain task to your expectations. It’s up to you to know what he can do safely.
Pay attention to any signs of distress. Stop or adjust the punishment before it becomes a problem.
Similarly, punishments shouldn’t be hard limits. We mentioned a cane above, but if your submissive is terrified of caning, then it’s not a good tool to use – even as a BDSM punishment. If you push a hard limit, you’re violating trust. You might very well hurt someone you’re supposed to care about.
Related: 11 Gentle Femdom Ideas For Loving BDSM
It’s also important to know your own limits. Some people struggling with dishing out discipline because it feels wrong. You can work through this if you choose to because you know you’re trying to teach a lesson and ultimately
what’s best for your partner.
No Surprise Discipline
By now, you’ve realized that punishment in BDSM is purposeful and thought out. Surprise punishments are out of the question. Why? Your submissive might not even know what he did wrong.
You should give him the opportunity to explain his mistake. This can even be a bit of delicious torment for him as he tries to figure it out. Sometimes he will, and others he won’t. When he’s able to guess, you can have him suggest what an appropriate punishment might be.
If he can’t figure out what his error was, you’ll need to tell him. This is an opportunity to go over expectations. When you’re disciplining, he’ll know exactly why and that the punishment is warranted and fair.
Surprise punishment can be confusing and hurtful, not to mention damaging for the trust that you two share.
Of course, timing does matter, so you don’t want to wait too long to exact punishment. Otherwise, your partner might think he’s escaped punishment or the lesson might not be impactful had you disciplined him sooner.
Finally, once punishment is done, it’s done. The two of you have agreed to X punishment for Y error. You complete punishment and give a lesson; then you move on. There’s no room in any relationship to keep rehashing old arguments or do what is keeping score, where you bring up infractions from your partner in the past. This is true for any romantic relationship, not just BDSM relationships.
Also keep in mind how punishing a submissive brat may be need to be done differently when compared to a different kind of submissive.
Aftercare
We’ve discussed aftercare before. It includes all the activities that help to keep a submissive mentally, emotionally, and physically cared for after a scene. and is an important component of how to do BDSM. If your punishment is a physical one (although, it might not be as you’ll see in just a few!), then your sub might need aftercare.
Aftercare can include balm or ointment for spanking and other impact play, a warm blanket, a cool drink that contains electrolytes and cuddling. To learn more, read this post about aftercare.
Ideas For BDSM Punishment
Now, we can start brainstorming BDSM punishments.
- Physical punishment includes any spanking, paddling, caning, or another impact tool. If you don’t have a tool, you can use your hand to spank or slap your submissive. An effective way to discipline includes having your submissive count out the spankings (find more BDSM games like this one), which becomes difficult as you increase the intensity. Learn more on how to spank your husband.
- Bondage forms of discipline work well. For example, keep someone tied while kneeling, or you can have them perch with a book on his head or hold a ping pong ball between the wall and his nose (or 10 pennies against the wall, one for each finger or thumb). A cage takes physical bondage to the extreme. Read our beginners bondage guide along with these ideas and tips for self bondage to learn more.
- Try mental bondage, which requires your sub to stay in the same place for a specified amount of time. Breaking from the position could warrant another punishment (as long as it’s something he should be able to do). Kneeling is a form of punishment that is particularly common among kinksters. Instruct him to kneel at your feet or in the corner; it will be uncomfortable but does no lasting damage, so it makes a good form of discipline when your slave has broken the rules. Kneeling on uncooked rice will really test his reserves.
- Restrictive discipline means you take something away that they like. It could be as simple as grounding or removing phone/TV privileges or even forbidding him to eat his favorite food. Not being able to sleep in the same room as you, use furniture, make eye contact or walk upright are other restrictions to consider. Once your sub has shown he is properly remorseful, he can go back to his phone.
- Orgasm control (chastity belts work well to this end) is a specific type of restrictive punishment. Your submissive is only allowed to touch themselves and orgasm with your permission. And you revoke that permission when rules are broken. Alternatively, you can consider forcing orgasms past the point of comfort. Learn more about orgasm denial. A particular type of orgasm control is known as a ruined orgasm, and it makes an excellent punishment.
- Some dominants take a cue from old-fashioned schoolmarms. A lecture might accompany another punishment, or it might be the only discipline that’s needed.
- There may be no more fitting punishment than requiring your slave to write “I will not do [forbidden action]” 100 times. Think of Bart Simpson writing on the blackboard in the classroom as the beginning credits roll. Alternatively, you might want to have your submissive write the rule, which helps to cement it in his head. Another option is to have him write the reasons why doing something such as being late is a problem.
- What chore does your sub hate doing? Perhaps doing the dishes or scrubbing the toilet? What better way to punish them, then! Make it difficult by binding part of their body. Errand running is another option, too, and you can up the ante by forcing him to wear a certain thing (a thong beneath his clothing or a butt plug), for example, while he does those things.
- Assign a chore that’s pointless, such as moving pieces of rice from one pile to another or refolding towels.
- For slaves who wear collars, forbidding them from wearing it for a period of time can be incredibly effective. What normally acts as a reminder of your bond, and one that he can touch, is removed until you deem it appropriate for him to put it back on.
- BDSM relationships that already employ speech rules (the sub addressing the dominant in a certain way or only speaking when spoken to), then revoking permission to speak is an effective punishment.
- Public discipline has the added benefit of humiliation when there is an audience. It can be as simple as a public apology from the slave or physical punishment. Wearing a sign that states the mistake in a public forum can cause humiliation.
- Other forms of degradation and BDSM humiliation can include announcing when they’re horny, masturbating in public, acting as a piece of furniture, having insults written on their body, walking around with cum in their underwear, dressing in clothing of the opposite sex, or eating from a pet’s dish on the floor.
- Have your sub call another respected dominant to suggest a punishment.
- Play the slave’s least favorite song, the weather channel, or a talk radio show he doesn’t like can accompany other tasks.
- If tardiness is the issue, having your submissive carry an oversized clock.
Learn: What does dom and sub mean.
Is Ignoring a Good Punishment?
For some types of doms, they like using timeouts as a BDSM punishment. An extension of this is ignoring them, which is certainly a punishment. But some people view it as a hard limit. It can lead to insecurity and broken trust. Used incorrectly ignoring someone might also be viewed as emotionally abusive.
What If My Submissive Loves Spanking?
Obviously, many participants in BDSM enjoy activities that others might be turned off by. So you can’t simply spank those submissive types who love spanking as a form of punishment (although, it certainly makes a good reward). There are those who advise against using any impact play as a form of BDSM punishment if impact play also serves as an erotic activity. That’s certainly one way to go about it.
Related: Erotic Spanking
But you can also look for the type of impact play that they don’t like to use as a form of punishment. For example, your sub might like spanking or paddles but hate the cane. Thus, caning is a better idea for a BDSM punishment. And since caning is an extreme form, it shouldn’t take much to get him in line!
Of course, you shouldn’t opt for the most intense type of play as punishment just because it’ll make an impact (see above about the punishment fitting the crime). It will, but it could also have negative side effects. It’s up to the dominant to know what her submissive can handle when meting out punishment.
While some punishments work well for slaves, you’ve got to cater the way you punish. Making someone serve you who normally loves serving isn’t much of a punishment, but not allowing service might be torture.
Whether you’re dominant or submissive, you can get to know you’re your BDSM personality with this quiz.
Have Your Sub Come Up With the Punishment
BDSM punishments don’t have to come from you. You can have your sub come up with a list of BDSM punishment ideas that are suitable for the offense. There’s a special delight to be had when you mete out a punishment that your submissive has suggested as appropriate. Note that a sassy submissive might try to get by with a punishment that’s not particularly difficult, which means you’ll need to up the ante.
Go one step further by having your slave ask for his punishment.
Your Role In BDSM Punishment
Many forms of BDSM punishment require that you pay attention. Otherwise, how will you truly know if your submissive is remorseful, learning a lesson or just plain doing what you said? Remain in the same room if at all possible. If you assign a form of punishment that takes a long time, it’s time you’ll need to sacrifice to see it done. So keep that in mind when coming up with punishment ideas.
If you see your slave mess up, you can correct him. You might even force him to start his repentance all over again if you feel like it’s fair. This is especially true if he has made an error because he wasn’t paying attention. This means he’s not concentrating on his punishment and doesn’t take it seriously, so you may need to assign a new punishment.
However, if you see that your slave is unable to complete what you asked of him, then you may need to adjust it. You’ll only know this is if you’re paying attention. Look for changes in skin color or breathing. You might have assigned punishment, but being a dominant is also about taking care of your submissive.
Ultimately, BDSM punishments show you care by helping your submissive grow and remain accountable. You can be as creative and devious as you’d like, but thoughtfulness must extend to the realm of safety, too.
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I’m currently in a time out for not trusting that my dominate knows what’s best for me . I was wondering if you could respond back to me telling me what would be an appropriate punishment should I distrust him agai
Hey um… I’ve been having these carzings lately, and I was wanting some advice. I’ve been craving for my girlfriend to dominate me and hurt me, and she wants to, but I’m too inclined to fight back and she isn’t strong enough to get to me. Is there something I can do to stop or to help her overpower me better
There may be some videos online about “moves” she can do to overpower you, but an easy way to get around this is for her to tie you up. Once you’re bound, you can struggle as much as you want.
I need a woman that is )Ike you
have u tried a weaker strength taser
Maybe you need a new dom. HMU!
I married a bi virgin. She was 19 and a virgin but was attracted to men and women and afraid to act on it due to her religious upbringing. Never even masturbated or had an orgasm until she met me. Long story short, the object of her teen desire, her BFF, got divorced, came to live with us and we learned she is bi and my wife set up a threesome and then my wife moved her BFF in.
Her BFF is sexually dominant and did her best to show my wife how she was more suited to be her primary lover by sexually humiliating and making me to some yucky stuff. I am all sterile so that was a good reason for her to punish me and got my wife to do the same. They both cut me off from any oral or penetration sex. Not even a tongue or finger for the last 20 years.
Although they allowed me to join them in bed, I was used to assist them in giving each other an orgasm. When they were done they simply left me alone to change the sheets and clean up. Sometimes they would give me permission to masturbate, sometimes a hand job when they tortured my nipples or testicles and sometimes I was told not to cum until they gave me permission.
They became the primary lovers and I worked to support the both of them. My wife’s BFF got more and more extreme over a 30 year period. My wife just told me that after seeing what was in my mouth and the things I did, she did not view me sexually anymore. She said she could never kiss my mouth due to what occasionally was in there. Enough said,
We moved due to a job transfer and the BFF could not follow because she had to care for her ailing parents. She may join us after they die. So my wife and I were a couple again but she was not interested in having sex with me and only had orgasms with her vibrators. She got into domestic discipline to keep me obedient. I was not allowed to masturbate without her permission and even then it was into a toilet because she called my semen filth. I am a sexual masochist so this appealed to me.
She caught me masturbating in my home office once and said three strikes an I am out. After she caught me the third time she had me order a chastity cage. I graduated to a custom made one for 24/7 wear. She gradually got me to 3 orgasm a year over a six year period. The problem is that she caught me watching porn, or more accurately saw it in my browser history. Once again her three strike rule was in effect and sure enough she caught me a third time. I was getting no sex and only 2 orgasms a year so porn was my only outlet.
So that brings me to the present and I was told in no uncertain terms that she would not be allowing me an orgasm anymore and that I could now watch all the porn I wanted to as it would only make me horny without any orgasm to look forward to anymore. We are in month 9 this year and she is true to her word. No orgasms and if I ask about it, the paddle or crop comes out. She used to hit me moderately hard and stop before I bled. Now she hits me full force and most times I bleed. I do have a safe word so this in consensual. If I refuse to follow her rules I am free to leave and finding a dominant women to live with you and learn what you need is not easy to do so I choose to leave. On some level the orgasm denial feeds my masochism and I am so used to only 2 orgasms a year that I prefer being aroused all the time to a 10 second orgasm.
I am assuming that since it has been 9 months without an orgasm and she reminds me that I need to get into the right mindset to live without them, she is serious. She did not give me our usual wedding anniversary orgasm and I doubt I will get my xmas one either. on the bright side she now teases me a lot and allows me to watch her masturbate with her vibrator. She even once let me perform oral on her but pushed my away saying I cannot even do that right and finished with her vibrator. This is my life for now.
You didn’t mention what aftercare routines you two have in place—and that is the most disconcerting thing about your post.
Do you receive aftercare after each of these punishments? Does she clean and bandage you when she makes you bleed? Does she soothe the physical and mental wounds she creates? Does she hold you and show you (non-sexual) physical affection when she denies your orgasms? Aftercare is hugely important with any type of BDSM play, and if you are not receiving enormous amounts of after following this kind of extreme sadism, then this is not a BDSM relationship; this is abuse. Every relationship is a compromise and an exchange of give-and-take. BDSM IS NO EXCEPTION and if you are not taking an equal measure of care and love for the power and physical torment she’s giving you, then she is not a Dominant, she is an abuser. You need and you deserve aftercare for your mental and physical well-being, as well as for the health of the relationship. That is not negotiable.
1. How do you feel about this whole practicum of isolating your sexual expression? You may decide to answer on your own if a public forum is too challenging. If you challenge the current system, what potential consequences do you fear the most? Would they be reasonable or not? In order to love we must love ourselves; do you think there has been subconcious co-dependent behavior which may prove to be destructive?
from ‘Co-dependant No More’ by M. Beattie: [A MUST READ!]
A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” [i.e. letting onself be walked on to avoid punishment or rage or a negative consequence.]
“I know when to say no and when to say yes. I take responsibility for my choices. The victim? Shewent somewhere else. The only one who can truly victimize me is myself, and 99 percent of the time I choose to do that no more. But I need to continue to remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings—not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too.”
We don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth. If somebody who is important (or even someone unimportant) to you rejects you or your choices, you are still real, and you are still worth every bit as much as you would be if you had not been rejected. Feel any feelings that go with rejection; talk about your thoughts; but don’t forfeit your self-esteem to another’s disapproval or rejection of who you are or what you have done. Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. If you have done something inappropriate or you need to solve a problem or change a behavior, then take appropriate steps to take care of yourself. But don’t reject yourself, and don’t give so much power to other people’s rejection of you. It isn’t necessary”
**“We don’t have to take things so personally. We take things to heart that we have no business taking to heart. For instance, saying “If you loved me you wouldn’t drink” to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying “If you loved me, you wouldn’t cough” to someone who has pneumonia. Pneumonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alcoholics will drink until they get the same. When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don’t love you—they are saying they don’t love themselves.”
“Many codependents, at some time in their lives, were true victims—of someone’s abuse, neglect, abandonment, alcoholism, or any number of situations that can victimize people. We were, at some time, truly helpless to protect ourselves or solve our problems. Something came our way, something we didn’t ask for, and it hurt us terribly. That is sad, truly sad. But an even sadder fact is that many of us codependents began to see ourselves as victims. Our painful history repeats itself. As caretakers, we allow people to victimize us, and we participate in our victimization by perpetually rescuing people. Rescuing or caretaking is not an act of love.”
Bro, it sounds like she’s waiting for you to explode in a way & take back control. Dominate her. Punish her for all of those years.
Just don’t lose control of yourself actually, in the back of your mind, as newly asserting Dom. Be terrifying but controlled in your newfound rule.
MYou are your own person, with a personality, feelings, and responsibilities. The fantasy of not having to make any decisions and having some do it all for you is unfortunately just a fantasy; it is not practical in the real world and will never work.
I have seen several slaves and submissives who believe wholeheartedly that their BDSM contract is a binding contract. A BDSM contract is not binding, and it’s not a legal contract. Slavery is illegal globally; a BDSM contract is basically a safety net in a BDSM relationship or dynamic; it creates a sense of belonging and gives the relationship structure, along with guidelines and rules, that is it.
If you are unhappy in your dynamic or relationship, you can end it and leave whenever you want. No one can force you to stay there no matter what they claim about the contract. BDSM can, unfortunately, be used as a smokescreen for abusers.
Remember, the foundation of BDSM is built on trust, and everything is SSC (safe, sane, and consensual). You can withdraw your consent at any time. If you want to leave a dynamic or relationship and fear that your partner might become abusive, call the police beforehand and request assistance.
A BDSM contract is not binding; you can be your own person and leave anytime you want to.
Bro…….. Your story saddens me i cried a little reading your post. Im shocked you have gone through so many years of it. Her bff is out…. I thinks is time for you to take back whats yours and be masculine the dom. Your wife can be bi all day long however she is your wife. Dominate her put her in her place as the feminine. Ive never been with a woman even what they say is true a woman knows what a woman likes blah blah blah silicone toys vibrators whatever can not give you the feeling and touch a man gives and not just whatever man more so the one you love goes deeper on a spiritual level takes you to euphoria were the souls bond. Allowing the bff in to your marriage seemed detrimental and put some damage for your wife to do this to you. I think you need to reverse roles and time to let her know DADDY is the MAN in charge. You know she so disgusted by you no man i think shes ashamed of what shes done to her beloved hubby and is in denial… I dont judge sexuality but a man and a woman biologically were made for one another the parts fit. If your not divorced yet then there is hope to rebuild the relationship you deserve with the woman you love….. And if shes a good girl can reward her with bff threesome with rules and limits.
Maybe im out of place or dont understand entirely your situation i will say a prayer for you and pray things get better for you.
As a sexual submissive and disciplined obedient wife, I completely agree. My husband makes certain my punishments mirror the crime. If I talk back or argue, I have to suck my thumb until allowed to talk again. Your wife needs to be severely punished: not with pain, but humiliation. If you are more of a leash couple, take her to a pet store and make her try on a collar and get on her hands and knees to get the feel of the leash. She likes dildos? Take her to a sex store. Make her bend over and spread her cheeks so you can pick the right size. My husband put me in a diaper and little girl dress and changed me on the bench. Punish her at home I’m front of your friends. Don’t let her feed bathe or dress herself. My husband hired a nanny once. He only had to once. The point is, her body is not her own. It’s yours. Take it back. Your wife wants a master. Be one
Slave must be punished in his every mistske never ignore his mistakes punisnent make him in diciplene review daily his tasks which u give him at the time of review mistress must have cane and at the time of review slave only see the cane of mistress hand
Make rule chart for slave he shuold obay every rule and remember realise him every day that he is a dog he must remember that his right place is im mistress feets
My rule chart for my slave is below
1clean toilet before or after i use toilt goes to toilt.
2. Clean my ass after fresh
3. Clean bathroom after use
4. wash my under garments
5. ready every time to eat my spitt and nose snot
6.thakns me after he get punished for his misakes
7. When i sleep he stuck his nose to my asshole until i wakeup.
8. eat food which i left im plate
9.must tell his misakes to me which he do in task
7.kiss my feet and cane every morning
8.obay my every order
9.never says No
10. Do home clean every time
Tell me one thing pooja, are you in a mutual relationship or for the benefit of each other or just to boss him around? Slaves also deserve respect as a human and upliftment. Breaking a slave so that he has no self-worth is inhumane. Think about it.
Yes mistress I am always ready for that so plz give me a one chance to become ur dog
my Master has been having me read post and articles on D/s stuff and other people relationships as a reminder of how I’m here to serve him and he is here to take care of me. This Saturday we won’t have any family around to bother us so he wants me to be there for him to use at his leisure. I’m excited but also a bit nervous because this will be the first day to the start of our 24/7 D/s relationship (very exciting) a big step for us. If I don’t obey him he has stated I will not get to cum until I learn who my Master is. He stated he would edge me for my sass. I have been very sassy the past year and he hasn’t punished me for it because we didn’t have a 24/7 D/s relationship and now we will. So my sass will reflect in my punishment. Not sure if or how long I’ll be able to hold my tongue. Wish me luck because I really don’t want to displease him.
I don’t know if this is weird. But, with company over, I behaved badly and was told to go to the bedroom,strip, bend over and spread my cheeks. My husband made me wait a long time and even sent a female friend in there to make sure I was doing what I was told. Afterwards, he sent me for a cloth to wash his dick. But he always does that.
I’ve been doing an extensive amount of exploration online for the past few weeks. Lockdown has aided that. The number of those pushing out their generalized ideals onto others is disconcerting, whether on old articles or new.
Every BDSM relationship is different, and the dynamic should be tailored. Some subs are slaves, some are pets, some are littles, or brats. Some are prey. Some Doms are Masters/Mistresses, some are Owners/Trainers, or Daddies/Mommies, or Tamers, and some are Hunters. There are even simple Doms and subs, only taking part in light or vanilla play with a trusting power dynamic. While Communication is a core part of healthy BDSM, it is clearly lacking in many discussions and comments I have read so far. That’s to say, not all of course.
To seek advice, the desired dynamic must be shared to those asked as well. Blind advice from dynamics not befitting what the Dom or sub in the relationship desires is dangerous and ill-advised. It may lead an insecure sub into accepting behaviors damaging to them, believing it is alright. It may also lead a Dom to believe such behavior is justified. In the worst case scenario, it can lead to both and endanger the well-being and safety of those seeking guidance in this lifestyle.
If you are a proper Dom in any dynamic, you will understand that your authority lies in your relationship and within the extent of your achievements; nothing more. Simply telling someone who is asking for guidance to do something of a naturally extreme degree is reckless.
While your contracts may absolve you for erring due to your humanity in the confines of your relationship, it does not free you of your influence in the lives of others. If you cannot bother to share your experience in a constructive way to aid others within the community while exercising the mindfulness you have with your sub, keep your suggestions to yourself. If you cannot shoulder even that much responsibility, you are unfit to be a Dom in command; let alone guide another Dom or sub in their activities.
Best advice on this thread. Having lived this lifestyle for 20+ years, I feel that I am well positioned to make the call. Most, not all, but most of these posts are dangerous, at best. If you haven’t lived the life, find someone who has and get the right answers, Please!
Please do not mistake your google search as equal to the life that I have actually lived. I have maintained many D/s and D/slave relationships and each is about growth and evolution. It’s about helping that special person find their real inner power and strength.
Regular vanilla relationships carry a high propensity for abhorrent behavior and abuse. Do not try to sell abusive tendencies as BDSM or S/M because that has no place here.
Please, find a mentor, or do something before things go to far and people get hurt. The worst scars are the ones on the inside and I am proud of the fact that I have left none. Remember, if this lifestyle could be summed up in one phrase it’s would be that this lifestyle is about giving someone the absolute power to destroy you, BUT TRUSTING THEM ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THEY WONT.
I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ABLE TO TAKE COLD SHOWERS. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TURNED
ON BY THE IDEA . ABOUT A YEAR AGO I ASKED MY WIFE AS PART OF OUR D/S RELATIONSHIP IF SHE WOULD HELP ME .I WANTED TO DO THEM AT 5 AM EVERY MORNING.AS SOON AS THE ALARM WENT OFF I HAD TO GET UP AND STRIP OFF ANY PUNISHMENT CLOTHES. WOOL OR RUBBER SHORTS WOOL SHIRT, BRA ?? I HAVE BEEN IN A CHASTITY DEVICE FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS.UNLOCKED EVERY 4 TO5 WEEKS IF I EARN IT THEN MARCH INTO THE BATHROOM AND DO AS MANY PUSHUPS AS I CAN. STARTED WITH 15 NOW UP TO 40 THEN INTO BODY TEMP SHOWER AFTER 1
MIN TURN A BIT COLDER AND SOAP UP AFTER 1 MIN A BIT COLDER SOAP AGAIN AFTER I MIN COLDER , SOAP AFTER I MIN TURN TO FULL COLD AND STAY IN FOR 6 MINUETS . DRY OFF THEN BACK TO BED. MY SKIN MUST FEEL VERY COLD TO MY WIFE OR I MUST REPEAT . BUT SOMETIMES I MAY GET SOME KIND OF SEX AFTER
THE FIRST 4-5 WEEKS I WOULD WAKE UP WITHOUT AN ALARM AND THINK ABOUT AND LOOK FORWARD TO MY COLD SHOWER. WITHOUT MY DEVICE I WILL ALWAYS MASTURBATE IN THE COLD SHOWER BUT WILL STAY IN LONGER. THIS IS A BIG TURN ON FOR ME. AFTER A SHOWER
IF THEIR IS SNOW AND IT’S DARK I WILL GO OUT AND LAY IN IT A SHORT TIME. I HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER.
I did something really bad and I made my daddy very angry. when we talked about the situation I had asked him if I was in trouble, he answered yes.
I asked how much he said a lot.
I asked if I was gonna get punished he said yes.
I asked when he answered if not tonight then tomorrow because we are driving out of town and It was already late.
I ask him if it was gonna hurt he said probably.
I asked if there would be bruises he answered most likely.
Now he saying he’s not gonna punish me what do I do?
He said I like my punishments to much for them to be effective. I am going insane because yes alot of the time I do very much enjoy them, however I don’t know what to do now that he isn’t punishing me weirdly enough I feel incomplete without it.
I feel like I’m getting away with my disobedience. Is guilt natural in this situation? Should I ask for a punishment? Is he punishing me by not punishing me?
He is punishing you by not giving punishments because that is what you have enjoyed!
Punishents are not meant for enjoyments they are for correcting behaviour.
Belated reply, most likely, but talk to him about it. If you usually enjoy your punishments so much that you feel disappointed when one is (apparently) withheld, it could be helpful to mention that and find a way to incorporate the things you like about getting punished into your normal activities (like setting up roleplay scenes where you pretend you did something bad and need to be punished, via the methods you enjoy) instead of only getting the “reward” of punishment when you anger your daddy.
And if you find that you *really* dislike or aren’t comfortable with the style of punishment where he doesn’t punish you at all, that’s worth explaining as well so you can negotiate something that works for both of you better.
I need to know how this progressed and concluded. I have acquired a sissy who seemingly thrives on my my punishments. I feel it isn’t punishment at all because I know it turns him on. My logic tells me the best punishment would be to deprive him of my attention when he’s anticipating the worst. My gut tells me logic has no place in our relationship, and the results would be anti-climatic at best. We are not long term partners nor even united in a full-time commitment or contract, so I realize our expectations and dynamics are much different.. Still, I fell like I’ve taken on the responsibility of training this sissy and want to know what is best in the long run for us both when I discipline him. This is a new experience for me.