Why You Cry After Sex: 7 Good & 8 Bad Reasons

You’re in the right place if you’ve ever wondered why you cry after sex, especially if you’re not sad and enjoyed the sex. You’ll learn the 7 positive reasons and 8 negative reasons why you cry after sex and, you’re are also going to learn the strategies for dealing with it.

Is it normal to cry after sex? – It sure can be! We bet it happens more often than many people realize. This type of crying can even happen after masturbation.

Is there scientific research on this? – Scientists have done research on negative emotions after sex. The phrase they use to describe it is “postcoital dysphoria”, which is just a fancy way of saying sadness after sex [1]. Another term, “postcoital tristesse” means the same. This research isn’t just about crying after an orgasm or sex, but it includes crying as one aspect of “negative affect” or having negative emotions after a sack session.

Postcoital dysphoria “has been reported more in women than in men” [2]. However, we couldn’t find research on crying for positive reasons after sex. Still, it’s usually more societally acceptable for women to cry than men, and if that plays a role, it’s women may be more likely to cry for any reason after sex.

Is crying after sex always a bad thing? – Of course, discovering that you or a lover cries after sex, especially if you’ve never experienced it before, can be alarming. But don’t worry too much. It isn’t necessarily negative and doesn’t have to mean you did something wrong, either. In fact, crying after sex can sometimes be positive, too!

Related: How to drive your man crazy in bed.

7 Positive Reasons for Crying After Sex

As we’ve mentioned, weepiness after a sack session can actually be a good thing. Here are some of the reasons you might cry after sex when you’re not sad at all.

1. Happiness

We’re all familiar with happy tears, but it’s not limited to outside the bedroom. If you’re overfilled with happiness, it might escape in the form of a few tears.

Maybe you’re just so damned happy to end a dry spell, lose your virginity, try something new in bed, be with some who know how to make you squirt, or finally figured out how to masturbate for maximum pleasure. It’s all good!

2. Connection

If the sex helped you feel emotionally close to your partner, crying might reflect your bond. They don’t call it making love for nothing!

Read More: How to Make Love to Your Man Intensely for A Deeper Connection

Sometimes, sex helps people feel more connected to themselves and their body or something bigger than them, such as the world or even something spiritual (tantra can help connect spiritually). Any of this could make you feel like crying after sex–not to mention making you emotional during sex!

3. Pleasure

Sometimes, people find themselves in tears after sex simply because it feels so. damn. good. There’s no deeper meaning, just bliss! Pleasure may be the motivation for your crying orgasm, especially if it happens with certain types of stimulation, such as A-spot play.

Related: How to orgasm every time during sex and masturbation.

4. Release

Aside from connection and pleasure, many people have sex for physical release. Yes, that means orgasm! But you can experience other types of release, including emotional!

Crying can be an incredibly satisfying form of emotional release (so is laughing, for that matter). Why else would so many movies bring us to tears?!

If you’ve previously held back when you could feel yourself getting emotional after sex, why not give into it if it’s safe to do so?

5. Intensity

For people who desire rough sex, the intensity could lead to a few tears. This doesn’t mean the roughness is bad or unwanted, though! It can just bring out something more uninhibited, and sometimes that means crying.

6. Acceptance

Being sexual with someone requires vulnerability. And this is harder for some people than for others. Letting down your guard and being accepted is enough to make some people cry after sex, especially if it was really good sex or involves multiple things on this list.

7. Sub Drop

While this won’t apply to everyone, sometimes a strong emotional response happens after sex because you’re also included elements of BDSM and you’re experiencing drop (either sub drop or dom drop). Drop reflects the physical and emotional changes you’ve undergone during a scene and is only temporary (although that can sometimes mean days or weeks!).

Related: 35 BDSM Role Play Ideas & Scenarios For Wild Sex

Crying isn’t the only type of drop, but it’s a common form of it.

8 Negative Reasons for Crying After Sex

While there are many positive reasons for crying after intimacy, yes, sometimes it happens for a negative reason.

1. Outside Emotions

Earlier, we mentioned that sex and orgasm especially can be a type of release. Think of it like a cork in a wine bottle. But it may not just release good feelings; bad ones can come out, too. So, if you’re feeling sad, anxious, depressed, or stressed outside of the bedroom, you may find it difficult not to bring them into it with you.

Of course, any negative feelings about your relationship can come out during sex, too. Having sex with someone can highlight how disconnected you feel or confirm that you need to break up (more on that in a bit). Such a vulnerable situation may make it impossible to deny how you really feel.

2. Pain

Pain can make anyone cry, and painful sex is no exception. However, sex itself can be painful (like if you try anal sex without lube) or trigger other pain, such as that caused by arthritis.

If you’re crying because sex hurts, it’s time to do something about it. Often, that means using lube, improving your sexual communication, or talking to a doctor.

Get other ideas to make sex less painful.

3. Regret

Whether you regret having sex in that moment, with that person, with someone else (like if you cheated), or at all, it might feel natural to cry to express yourself. Of course, while it’s important to let your emotions out, however…

You may also need to take a hard look at why and when you have sex and make changes to prevent yourself from feeling like that in the future.

This feeling is often common when someone treats you like an object that exists for their sexual pleasure and not a human being to share the experience with. In short, you may wind up crying because you feel used, even if you consented and aren’t rejected.

Regret is often closely related to shame, which concerns how you feel about yourself. You may feel shame for having sex or feeling like you don’t deserve to have it. You can even feel shame over enjoying yourself during sex. Being raised in a sex-negative family, community, or culture can make it hard to enjoy sex despite being wired to enjoy it and most of us recognizing how good it feels!

4. Endings

Anytime you say “Goodbye” with sex, even if it’s only temporary, it could involve someone being choked up. After all, knowing you’ll have to miss someone because of a move or leaving on a trip can bring up some intense negative emotions.

Breakup sex having sex with your ex is also often sad and can involve some crying. This is especially true if you have strong feelings for each other but can’t work it out for some reason or another or if you haven’t quite pulled the plug but know that you have to.

5. Rejection

Whether someone rejects your sexual advances, doesn’t like your body, can’t accept your sexual fantasies, or isn’t interested in you in the same way you are them, rejection stings. Crying is a natural response to such rejection. But we also recommend that you protect yourself when possible in the future.

6. Hormones

While a positive cry after sex usually has to do with all the feel-good hormones that surge during sexual desire/arousal, pleasure, and orgasm, negative crying may have more to do with menstrual cycle or even pregnancy-related hormones. So, you may be less likely to cry during times of your life or cycle when those hormones aren’t as strong.

Discover everything you want to know about pregnancy sex and period sex.

7. Coercion or Assault

Sometimes, crying during sex is your response to being violated. That is, you’ve been coerced or forced into sex that you didn’t want, even if you didn’t say no (or agreed to it to avoid harm or other negative consequences).

Freely given sexual consent is necessary no matter the activity or person. Of course, consent may be implied or nonverbal in some situations, but it can always be taken back regardless.

Of course, crying is a natural response in these situations. Crying during or after sex may help you realize you’re a victim, even if you didn’t know it at the time.

No matter what, it isn’t your fault if someone violates your boundaries or consent. You shouldn’t feel bad for crying if this happens or if your body likes it.

8. Traumatic Memories

Even if you want sex, it can remind you of times when you didn’t want it or when your boundaries were violated. It can be helpful to discuss your background and triggers with a partner to help avoid them or figure out how to get through them, and we’ll touch more on that shortly.

Crying During Sex

Although we’re mostly talking about crying after sex, crying during sex can happen for many of the same reasons, both good and bad, as we mentioned here. In fact, crying after sex may be an extension of something that started during sex (unless it’s specifically triggered by an orgasm).

Crying can actually enhance sex if it represents a rawness or intensity that you like. Some people get turned on by a partner crying during sex (it could even be a fetish), and you can work tears into role play if you’re adventurous in the bedroom!

Related: 42 Freaky Role Play Ideas For Couples To Spice Up Sex

Tips For Those Who Cry After Sex

Crying after sex may feel a little weird, especially the first time it happens. Here’s how to get through it.

Analyze It

Take a look at the positive and negative reasons why some people cry after sex above to see if any apply. Sometimes, it’s easy to figure out why your emotions got the best of you. Your partner may even offer some helpful insight if you’re comfortable talking about it.

If crying is positive, you may want to experience it more or, at the very least, learn to accept it. If you cry after sex for negative reasons, you might want to avoid them, even if it means sometimes not having sex.

On the other hand, you might not be able to figure out why you cry during or after sex so easily. Still, you may be able to pinpoint things that will make it more likely. For example, you might realize that stimulating your G-spot or intense clitoral stimulation or having sex the week before your period is likely to lead to a few tears.

In that case, you can be prepared (and potentially prepare a partner) or even hold off on sex until you’re less likely to cry.

Talk to Your Partner

Your partner might be understandably a little concerned if you start crying after sex. So it can help to reassure them that nothing is wrong. You might let them know that this is normal, not negative, has nothing to do with them, or will soon pass.

You can also ask for any comfort you need to make the tears stop.

Of course, many people will appreciate the heads up if you tell them before you have sex.

Offering Comfort to a Partner Who is Crying After Sex

Whether and how someone needs to be comforted when they’re being emotional after sex depends on the reason. Try to figure out what your partner needs by asking them, “Why do you cry after sex and what can I do to help?” as soon as possible.

Comforting your partner after sex really is a type of aftercare, even if the sex is vanilla.

• If it’s because they feel connected and close, you can back up those feelings by being close and offering a hug, kiss, or cuddle (unless their reaction is inappropriate for your relationship).
• If it’s because of hormones or release, they may just need the moment to pass.
• If sex reminded them of negative past experiences, they may need reassurance that they’re safe and loved or some grounding techniques.
• If the tears come as part of sub drop, they may need their favorite type of aftercare.
• If someone experiences negative emotions such as aggression, anxiety, or depression that are associated with postcoital dysphoria, they may need space, a distraction, or a healthy outlet.

For many people, the same type of aftercare is effective time after time.

After vanilla sex & BDSM: How to provide aftercare.

Communicating With Your Crying Partner

So far, we’ve assumed that the crying person knows what they need and can communicate that–or that your connection is so strong that you understand what they need.

But that’s not always the case. You may be so shocked or even embarrassed to find yourself crying that you have trouble thinking clearly. Or you may be so overcome with emotion or triggered that it’s hard to speak or communicate well. Sub drop may also make it physically hard to speak.

Plus, if you’re new partners, you may not know each other very well.

Here are a few tips for dealing with crying after sex.

• Reassure your partner that you’re there for them and that you care
• Tell them it’s okay to cry and express their emotions; offer a crying shoulder
• Ask simple questions with a “Yes” or “No” answer, such as “Can I get you a glass of water?”
• Give them plenty of time to respond so they don’t feel pressured or rushed
• Tell them to take as much time as they need to answer
• Avoid asking too many questions
• Don’t leave them alone until you’re sure they’re calmer and safe

Don’t barrage them with questions, assume that crying has a deeper, negative meaning, or leave abruptly.

You can always default to a few thoughtful choices to help an emotional partner (maybe what you’d like if you were to cry after sex). Generally, a box of tissues and a glass of water are a good place to start. You could also offer a towel or robe. Aside from checking on their basic physical needs, you might walk them through simple breathing exercises if they’re open to it.

Remember that you don’t necessarily have to do a lot. Being near your partner could be enough, and some people even prefer to cry alone. This could be a good time to step out of the room to clean up or grab a snack or drink while your partner regains their composure. Bring something for them to earn major brownie points.

For the most part, crying during sex reflects being raw, real, and in the moment and isn’t any cause for concern. But understanding why you or your partner cry during sex can help you enjoy it more or change your sex life to be more in line with your wants and needs.