The Bad Girls Bible is chock-full of tips, ideas, techniques, and nuggets of information on how to please your man in bed.
But what if I am not that sexually adventurous Sean?
Orgasm troubles? If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
Firstly, it’s essential to understand that you don’t necessarily have to be sexually adventurous in bed. You don’t have to use all or any of the great information that you can find on this site.
It’s here as a reference (& inspiration!). But it’s up for you to decide whether or not you actually want to use it.
Just because other people seem to be doing all these crazy things with their sex lives, it doesn’t mean that you should feel forced into doing those things too. You need to do what you feel comfortable with. Don’t let me or anyone else try to tell you otherwise.
But if you have read this far, you probably want to read some tips that will help you take your skills to the next level in the bedroom.
1. Becoming More Sexually Adventurous – Your Attitude
The first stage to becoming more sexually adventurous involves a positive attitude.
Heck No!
The Bad Girls Bible isn’t about that. We are about actual action and results.
When I say ‘positive attitude,’ I really mean having the frame of mind where you are more enthusiastic about new sexual experiences, whether they are games, positions, techniques or something else.
Think about that movie from 2008 called Yes Man, where Jim Carrey starts saying yes to more opportunities that arise and as a result, he has some really fun and crazy experiences.
But you should at least consider having a more open attitude to trying new things with your man, even if they sound faintly ridiculous.
So Saying ‘Yes’ & Having A Positive Attitude = Becoming More Sexually Adventurous, Right?
That’s pretty much what I am saying, provided you stay safe.
Once you have an open mind, you can take the first steps to become more sexually adventurous. This doesn’t mean you need to buy an all-leather outfit. You can start by reading books (both educational and erotic), browsing the Web, watching porn, and fantasizing.
So should I purchase a book to learn new things?
You’ll find a wealth of information right here on The Bad Girls Bible for free. You can also check out the Resource section toward the end of this article for other suggestions.
These resources teach you terms for body parts, tools, and adventurous sex ideas you might want to try. Once you’ve got a few ideas, experiment with fantasizing. See what turns you on and what you might want to try out for real.
Fantasies such as group sex, power exchange, novelty, romance, being watched or watching someone else, and even cross-dressing are all common according to sex researcher Justin Lehmiller [1 p 11]. Check out some other common fantasies.
It’s okay if some things stay in the realm of fantasy. You can think about it and not want to act it out! But you can also try writing them down for your partner to read [2].
Confidence Is Key
Now, there might be one specific attitude that’s holding you back: your attitude about yourself.
If you feel insecure with your body or your skills as a lover, you’ll remain inhibited and not be able to be your authentic sexual self. Research finds that beliefs about your body can even interfere with orgasms [3]. There’s a lot of helpful advice in this post about riding your man that can bolster your confidence, but if your insecurity is especially persistent, it might be worth seeing a professional.
One thing that doesn’t help is to compare yourself to other people. So, stop comparing yourself to other women, which can feed your insecurity, and stop focusing on what other people do in the bedroom and forget about what is supposedly “normal.”
Related: Is Your Vagina Normal? The Different Types of Vaginas
When it comes down to it, bodies and sexualities are varied. Some things are much more common than you might realize because we don’t talk about sex that openly. Some common things might not contribute to a great sex life. That’s why “normal” isn’t really helpful, and you shouldn’t get hung up on it.
Sure, it’s natural to wonder how often people have sex, but it’s more helpful to figure out how often you and your partner want to have sex and to ensure you make that happen.
Get That Anxiety in Check
Finally, anxiety can impair your sex life. First, it tends to decrease sex drive [4, 5, 6]. Secondly, it can stop you from giving adventurous things to do in bed a go. While some sexual anxiety is normal — when you have a new partner, for example, or try something new in bed — high levels of anxiety can make all aspects of your life less enjoyable. Sex is no exception.
Again, a professional might be able to recommend tools to help you deal with anxiety, which can improve your sex life as well.
When you’re ready to act on those fantasies and be more sexually adventurous, keep reading.
2. Solo Exploration
As you’re learning how to be sexually adventurous, it might be a little daunting to try something new with a partner, or you may not currently have a partner. Solo exploration is an excellent first step. How do you do that? Through masturbation.
Get all the tips for female masturbation and some great masturbation techniques.
Once you know what you like, you can show your man and expand from there.
3. Oral Fixation
Chances are, you’re probably no stranger to performing oral sex if you consider yourself a bad girl. But being adventurous means going above and beyond the basic blow job.
I’d like to think that I have created the worlds greatest resource on oral sex tips for women.
I cover some really awesome blowjob tips and oral sex techniques, but before reading them, what I suggest you do first is check out this tutorial video I put together on giving your man an incredible blow job first.
Also, don’t forget the killer section where I detail the many different blowjob positions that you can use.
4. Your Sexual Vocabulary
While learning new sex positions to use with your man along with learning how to give an awesome blow job is certainly important, there are other great ways to become more sexually adventurous with your man.
Talking dirty is a great one as it can be used in the bedroom as well as outside it to keep things spicy.
You can even send him dirty text messages and talk dirty on the phone to him when you are not together to keep him thinking about you. However, if you want my most effective and useful advice, then you are going to want to watch this dirty talking instructional video where I teach you how to use dirty talk to build sexual tension, turn him on and keep him attracted to you.
Don’t think that this is just for your man, either. Many women told me that sexting and similar activities were surefire ways to get horny.
Find out how to get yourself horny.
5. Expanding Your Sex Position Repertoire
Learning new lovemaking positions should be high on your to-do list if you are serious about becoming more sexually adventurous. Without a doubt, you will never get tired of all the different sex positions that you’ll find here.
With high-quality illustrations detailing over 100 different sex positions that you can try with your man, you will never get bored.
These include blow job positions, anal sex positions, shower sex positions, and more.
I definitely recommend girl-on-top positions if you want to be more sexually adventurous. These positions allow you to take control and get your pleasure. Speaking of taking control.
6. Explore Your Dominant & Submissive Sides
Do you like the idea of taking control and using your lover however you like? Perhaps you want to give up control to someone who meets your every need? Submission and domination fantasies are quite common. Researcher Justin Lehmiller found that this was the second-most common type of fantasy [1 p 11].
Whether you feel the calling to perform one role or can do both (these people are known as “switches”), exploring this is one way to be more sexually adventurous.
You can start small, for example, if you feel more dominant, the next time you are home alone with your man, grab him and drag him into the bedroom. Push him onto the bed, jump on top of him and rip his clothes off.
But becoming more dominant in bed doesn’t necessarily have to involve something like this.
It could be as simple as initiating sex when you are both already in bed or unbuttoning his trousers and giving him a blowjob when he’s not expecting it or pulling him in towards you to kiss him or giving him a back massage when he’s not expecting it.
Find out how to how to be dominant in the bedroom.
But if you’re more submissive, you might ask what he wants to do to you in bed or invite him to punish you when you’ve been a bad girl. Discover tips for submitting to your man for kinkier sex.
The whole idea of exploring your dominant and submissive sides with your man is to show him that you are multi-dimensional, that there is more than one side to you in the bedroom, which can be a lot of fun if you are dating a younger man.
7. The Tools At Your Disposal
Sometimes the only thing stopping a person from branching out sexually is just remembering to do it. Similarly, some people realize they’re not having as much sex as they want just because they haven’t made time for it. Fortunately, there are plenty of tools you can use to help.
Start with a calendar or your phone alarm to track what you do and when and to remind you to try new things. You don’t necessarily need to say you’ll try a specific activity at a certain time, but it’s easy to just do the same old thing without a little encouragement.
For those people who are just learning how to be more sexually adventurous, checklists, and similar tools can be inspiring and arousing. Try this sexual bucket list on for size or take a look at this list of fetishes and kinks. You don’t need to try every item on the list, but a few will probably sound good!
Are you a little kinkier? Try this BDSM checklist, which can both give you ideas and help you talk about what you want to explore with your man.
When people ask how to get their partner to be more sexually adventurous, I like to encourage them to make a game out of it. In fact, some websites exist where both of you can check off a few interests and see where you overlap in a low-stress way. Sites like Mojo Upgrade should get the conversation started.
8. Shopping for a Sexier You
If you want to know how to get your partner to be more sexually adventurous or want to be inspired yourself, a shopping trip might just be in order. Now, you don’t need to leave the comfort of your home if you don’t want to thanks to the Internet. But a trip to the local lingerie or toy store can be rewarding (kinksters are renowned for raiding hardware stores as well).
You might leave with some new goodies and ideas. Even if you don’t buy anything, the whole experience might get your juices flowing, so you find yourself unable to keep your hands off your man as soon as you step through the door to your home.
9. Your Partner Matters
A crucial aspect of accelerating your progress in becoming more sexually adventurous is……your man.
Often people underestimate this, but your man plays a vital role in helping you to become more sexually adventurous.
If you’re having sex with someone whom you trust and who makes you feel comfortable, it’s much easier to be sexually adventurous. If you feel overwhelmed, intimidated, or simply anxious because you’re seeing a new partner, it might be easier to stick to the basics until you’re more comfortable.
How to Be Sexually Adventurous As a Single Woman
Much of the advice I’ve given focuses on people who are part of a couple. After all, I often work with people who want to know how to get their wife to be more sexually adventurous. But a relationship is not necessary to explore your sexual side. Single women can still be sexually adventurous.
In fact, people with a high sociosexual orientation may prefer casual sex and regret passing it up [7]. If you’re one of those people, there are ways that you might even be able to be more adventurous in the bedroom when you’re single. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, you won’t have a lot of chances to sleep with other people, but you can when you’re single (the same is true if you’re in the swinger lifestyle, in an open relationship, or polyamorous).
There are a few rules you should follow to get the most out of your single sex life.
- Assume people will be attracted to you because they will.
- Recognize that you deserve good sex — and ask for what you want. When sex educator Laurie Mintz polled her students, she found that the men were happy to have instructions [8, p 166].
- Carry accessories such as condoms, lube, and a small toy to make your sex better.
- Be proactive about meeting men (apps like Tinder or Bumble can help).
- Dress sexy to turn heads. Dressing sexy for someone can also make you feel sexy.
- Flirt your heart out (tips for flirting) to get attention and to express your desire.
- Be honest about what you want if you’re only interested in casual dating and sex.
- Make sure a trusted person knows where you are if you go somewhere with a stranger.
- Don’t waste time with selfish sexual partners.
- Move at your own pace. Having sex too soon is one of women’s’ main sexual regrets, espeically when it comes to losing your virginity and pre-marital sex [9]. If you want to move fast, then do. If you’re not so sure, then don’t feel pressured to have sex.
Get more advice like this in my article about one-night stands. You might also like this practical guide to being a slut.
How to Be Sexually Adventurous and Safe
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention anything about sexual safety. While you might be focused on how to get a man to be more adventurous sexually, you must still be safe. I’m mostly talking about preventing pregnancy and the transmission of STI.
This means using birth control to prevent pregnancy. Condoms can also prevent pregnancy during vaginal sex and STIs when worn during oral [10]. A dental dam is a type of barrier that can protect you during cunnilingus or analingus [11, 12, 13].
Related: Analingus Guide aka Rimming aka Tossing The Salad
If you’re a woman with multiple partners, it’s best to always use protection — unless a partner knows you have other partners (and you’re aware if he does) and agrees to go without barriers. On top of that, get screened for STIs regularly. The CDC recommends at least yearly testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia for all sexually active women under 25 and women over 25 with certain risk factors (these include having new partners, multiple partners, or a partner who has an STI) [14]. Ideally, you’d be tested before every new partner and share your results.
Remember that some STIs have an incubation period and won’t show up immediately [15, 16], so you may want to go back for testing after being with a new partner.
Furthermore, not all STIs have symptoms.
Does Being Sexually Adventurous Mean I’ll Have Better Sex?
When you allow yourself to be more sexually adventurous, you might have better sex simply because you discover how good it feels to lose your inhibitions or you get to explore things that bring you a wider variety of pleasure. However, some people get caught up in the idea of trying new things, making checking each item off of the list a goal rather than simply focusing on what they find pleasurable. When you do this, you run the risk of forgetting to enjoy yourself. It’s the same when someone focuses on having an orgasm rather than the journey to get there.
Furthermore, some people’s sexual tastes are a little more basic. This is sometimes called “vanilla.” And that’s perfectly okay. Trying to be more sexually adventurous may simply leave you feeling overwhelmed or take away from your pleasure, much like switching positions right before you get to the really good part.
Psst, here are a few ways to have better sex.
While you don’t need to try something new every time you climb between the sheets, a willingness to be sexually adventurous can mean a more satisfying sex life. Trying new things brings couples closer together and can teach you more about yourself in the process!
Resources
While being sexually adventurous doesn’t mean you cannot be monogamous, The Ethical Slut is a book about polyamory and related topics that has been recommended for years by people whose sense of adventure leads in that direction.
Therapist Lisa Thomas has some great advice for women who want to come out of their sexual shells on Psychology Today.
Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic is a book that explores why sexual excitement fades after you couple up and what you can do to retain it.
The Guide to Getting It On is a popular book that can help you explore your authentic sexual self.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ #1 – Why is it so hard for me to be more sexually adventurous?
We all absorb lessons from society that can interfere with our quests to be our authentic sexual selves, and women receive specific types of messages. You might have absorbed the messages such as the following:
- You should not have sex too early if you want a relationship with a guy.
- You are supposed to have less sex after you get married.
- Women who have sex with many partners are sluts while men are to be commended for the same behavior.
- Men take sex; women give it.
- It’s your job to ensure he’s satisfied in every way to make sure he doesn’t stray or leave you.
- Masturbation is sinful.
- You cannot say, “No.”
- Real sex is vaginal penetration, and it ends when a man ejaculates.
- Normal sex doesn’t involve anything kinky or weird.
- You should only kiss people if you love them.
- You’ll go to hell for doing certain things.
- If you try one kinky thing, you won’t stop until you do the most hardcore thing.
- You must look a certain way to be considered attractive.
These are just a handful of things you might have been told or simply took in as a member of society. Traditional stereotypes paint men as more assertive and sexually adventurous than women [17]. Our families, friends, religious figures, and media all uphold these values.
But when it comes to sex, they’re bad programming. They make you feel bad for wanting sex and pleasure or for wanting something specific. The guilt is no good if you want to be sexually adventurous of even if you just want to make sure you orgasm during sex.
Related: How To Orgasm Every Time – For Women
Messages that make sex seem shameful or bad are known as sex-negative while viewing sex as a good and healthy thing is called sex-positivity [18, 19]. Adopting sex-positive attitudes is key to helping you be more sexually adventurous.
On top of those messages, your specific history can impact how sexually adventurous you are. If you tried something new in the past and it went really bad or if you’ve experienced sexual assault, it’s that much harder to venture out of your comfort zone.
Even if you don’t agree with the negative messages surrounding sex, you might have a hard time being more adventurous.
Why?
Being vulnerable about your needs and desires, and exploring new things has the potential to lead to awkward moments and even embarrassment. But sometimes sex is awkward, or you realize you don’t actually like something in practice. That’s okay.
Consider the idea of sexual brakes and accelerators, which sexuality educator Emily Nagoski has written about [20 p 49]. Brakes are what turn you off while accelerators do the opposite. Women tend to have more sensitive brakes than men, so if your brakes include sexual anxiety or fear of change, your libido might screech to a halt when you try to be more adventurous.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable, which can be quite attractive to your partner. And opening up can strengthen the bond you share. If you don’t want to jump right into adventurous things to do in bed, start with some reading. Sites like this, as well as the books listed in the Resources section, are a great place to begin to expand your knowledge about sex. Then, when you feel comfortable, you can try new things.
FAQ #2 – Why isn’t my partner open to being more sexually adventurous?
While the messages men and women receive about sexuality and bodies can differ, there’s a lot of overlap, and men aren’t immune to unhelpful messages either. He might be concerned that you want to be more adventurous because he’s not good enough, or he may not realize that sex involves a lot more than penetration. Some guys wonder if exploring anal makes them gay (hint: it doesn’t), and some worry that their partners will develop some sort of voracious sexual appetite that they will not be able to fulfill.
Again, all of these thoughts are due to a lack of proper sex education. Either there’s no information about the topic or the information provided was wrong and unhelpful. So your man may find exploring more comfortable if he starts small — with some reading or conversations perhaps.
Of course, there could be other reasons why he’s reluctant to be adventurous in bed. The best way to figure out why is to talk to him, so you can learn how to get your husband to be more adventurous sexually. Because talking about sex is never an easy task, we wrote this guide to sexual communication. Focus on how being more adventurous can benefit both of you and bring you closer together rather than criticizing your sex life as it is.
You need to be prepared for a few outcomes when you talk about sex.
First, he may not be receptive at all and may even accuse you of being in the wrong for wanting to try something new in the bedroom. If he refuses to even talk about sex, it’s unlikely that he’ll be willing to do anything to change your sex life. You’ll need to determine if you can remain in a sexual and romantic relationship with him if exploring is never a possibility.
Secondly, he may be willing to talk about it only to reveal that he’s simply fine with the way sex is and doesn’t want to change anything. He might be vanilla or simply selfish and lazy because he’s been getting his rocks off. Again, you’ll need to consider if you want to continue with this relationship.
Thirdly, you could have at least one in-depth discussion about sex that connects you further. You may end up exploring together and having the best sex of your lives. He may only be holding back because of a deep desire or secret that he was afraid you’d judge him for. Often, these secrets aren’t even that strange; people tend to build them up in their heads. For example, it can be hard to open up to a partner if you’re experienced sexual violence in the past.
If your man can be vulnerable with you, express gratitude, and listen without judgment. However, you must be prepared that he might reveal a secret that you don’t want to hear. It could be an extreme kink or something else that he’s kept from you. Sometimes these things can be quite startling and may be deal-breakers. Of course, that’s often not the case, and you should approach these conversations as opportunities for growth and pleasure,
Finally, a lack of sex drive/libido can be what is causing either you or your man to be less adventurous in the bedroom. After all, if you’re not in the mood, you won’t want to do anything extra, right? Learn the surprising things that affect libido in this article about sexual desire.
FAQ #3 – Is it okay if one or both of us doesn’t want to be sexually adventurous?
Absolutely! While some people benefit from being sexual explorers, it’s not for everyone. The key is that you’re on the same page as your partner. If one of you does want to be adventurous in the bedroom and the other doesn’t, resentment can build, and that’s no good for your relationship. If one of you needs to explore more, then you may not be sexually compatible and may have to reevaluate your relationship.
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My husband likes to be dominant, but he always wants me on top. I want him on top sometime. I want him to take my body in hot passion and have his way with me. We are both large people. He gets winded quickly. We have a 12 inch height difference. We’ve been married almost 25 years. I dress sexy. I sext him. I leave notes for him. I build sexual tension. He calls me a cum sucking b. So I know he likes my frequent blow jobs I give him. Kinda feeling like I want him to take initiative and be on top. Take me like he wants me. I don’t know what to do.
Bend over the bed and have him do you from behind standing up—-then lay on your back and stack pillows on one side of you so that when he gets on top, part of his weight is on those pillows. You turn into him slightly. Suck a nipple and say nasty and grateful things .
A little nibbling on his nipples help too. ..I mean that I am 5ft even and most tower over me
I am a bigger woman who went back into the sex world after 18 year’s. I was always the dom in the bedroom. So when I actually was able to be a sub it was amazing beyond words. .I have no problem with the blowjob area. .but try doggy style with your husband with him in aggressive manner a little hair pulling ass slapping will not hurt trust me. ..btw when you start the blowjob start at the happy trail and work your way down make a pit stop give a little attention to his manhood but not to much. .keep going down sucking n licking his nut’s keep following the trail trust me ..it sound’s dirty but its not to him..then go back uo and finish. .feeling him pulsating on your tounge is amazing feelung for him and you. .make sure he has a little sugar in his diet. .a big turn on for a guy is swallowing ?
Hello Sean
I started reading the badgirl bible back in june of this year..I met a man that has done everything you suggested in your newsletter on me everything but the blowjob tech…you inspire alot of women even me…thank you
I have considered myself an aficionado when it comes to oral sex. I have NEVER had a single complaint in all the years I have been doing it. I am in a relationship and my man just will NOT cum when I give him head. I am baffled! He says he likes it being done, but he’s never finished when anyone has done it. He says it’s not a psychological thing either. He just seems very uninterested. I want him to grab my head, moan or do something…but he just lays there! I feel like less of a woman. I’ve tried every technique I know and NOTHING works! He’s even gone SOFT while I was doing it. It is very exasperating. He says that all his nerve endings are in the tip, and I know that already. It’s like that for every guy. He’s uncircumcised and I’ve never dealt with one before, I was wondering if that had something to do with it, cause I’m at a loss.
Hi Corro,
Please don’t worry about this too much. It can happen! The one thing that will make it more difficult for your man to come and orgasm when giving him head is to put him under pressure.
There are a ton of factors that could be affecting him. He could naturally be less sensitive than most. His age and general health could also be factors.
Another factor is ‘death grip’. ‘Death grip’ occurs when your man has a tighter than normal grip during masturbation. He gets used to this and then after a while, he needs more and more pressure to orgasm. Much more pressure than is possible during sex. If this is the case, he should lay off masturbating for a few months. This will make him more sensitive and make it easier for him to cum during oral sex.
Sean
Hi Sean, I want to say I LOVE the bad girl bible! Thank you!
So I’ve been doing the bad girl bible for some time now mixing everything up. But he seems like he’s getting bored with it. What should I do.
Thanks Sean!
You’ll find some really powerful sex tips in the newsletter here.
This just makes me smile, I am Scandinavian and we have no such problems in general in the bedroom! We love our bodies and know that any man is grateful to see your body regardless of shape or size. If more women realized this, I guarantee their sex life would improve. CONFIDENCE is what is sexy! Good article!
Thanks Isabella,
Confidence certainly is sexy!
Sean
How do Scandinavians just know this?
Hi!
My man never makes a sound when we have sex and I find it a bit disconcerting. He loves it when I make a lot of noise because he says he likes to know I’m enjoying myself, but how do I know if he’s enjoying himself if he doesn’t make any noise himself?
Should I say something or just let it go?
Hi Kitty,
If you like your man being vocal, then let him know it. You might feel like just asking him to be more vocal, but a much more effective way to get him to talk dirty is to let him know how hot and sexy it is. You might even want to try telling him that you cum a lot harder when he is talking dirty to you. Let me know how things go!
Sean
I love getting this newsletter. It has helped me come out of my shell so much! I really enjoy sex a whole lot more! Thank you!
Great to hear Lanie!
Sean
Hello!
hoping you can help, my boyfriend is far from adventurous, hes so far from it that i never seem to be able to get off. He loves when i go down on him but when i do he never tries to Finnish me. Actually he never tries to period. we have been together for 5 years and i am thoroughly tired of having to finish myself and crying because he doesn’t seem to care. He even BRAGS to our friends that he doesn’t care what i do as long as he gets his rocks off. I just don’t know what to do anymore 🙁 i have tried dirty talking, being dominant, and submissive, i’ve tried telling him what i want and nothing works, any advice would be welcome.
Hi Misty,
If this is something important to you, then you really need to sit him down and talk to him about it.
Sean
In my experience, men who are sexually selfish are sexually immature. Real men take pride in knowing how to please a woman. Men who cum, rollover and go to sleep are a waste of time and effort. You can find someone better!
I 100% agree!!
Waste of your time !! You are just as important as he is … And in your case , you are more important!!
If he can’t take the time to please you like you do him, he is NOT a man !
He’s a selfish boy !!
Move on sweetheart you deserve better!!
Sean…….I love getting your emails, and your articles are brilliant! I’m glad I found your website….my confidence has grown no end!!
Thanks Minnie!
Sean,
I have been following your post for the last three months and have loved everything you post! I just turned 40 and my husband thinks I am crazy bc he keeps hearing all these stories about wives losing their sex drive at this age! I have been trying some new techniques from your post and now my husband is wondering where he can learn some new techniques too or a version like this but badboybible!!!! Thanks
Sean I have taken all your tips from each email and they have helped a lot but my man and I are at that point now where I love giving blow jobs and all but I need sexual attention to not always pleaseing him and I just don’t know what to change I dress sexy I give great blow jobs BC I get told that I sext him I make noises when we have light sex but I wanna be grabbed and taken to a new level you know and I don’t feel that how do I change it??
You need to talk to him so he understands this.
Hey Sean,
I have to say that I considered myself above average in the oral pleasure department, even having an ex refer to my “reckless” head game years later, infront of his fiancee. I give my husband, so he says, the best blow job he has ever had. So i thought i had a good handle on things. But since i have started getting the newletters my game has gone from “reckless” to ruthless. Lol My husband used to say he wasn’t a guy who really enjoyed blow jobs, now he is damn near tripping over himself to have me do it. Our sex life itself has always been amazing but now it’s like he has become insatiable, some of the new little things I have picked up have him all over me with such tenacity. It’s actually a little overwhelming at times. He loves me to satisfy him orally and on several occasions I have caught him bragging to perfect strangers. All his friends want me to talk to their wives, like give instructions on it. I just want to thank you for teaching this old dog some new tricks.
Hi!
I have been secretly reading your newsletters and trying 1 or 2 different things you have said and they have worked wonders.
Thank you so much, you have made my sex life just that little but more playful and naughty 😉
I look forward to every newsletter.
Hi Sean the badgirlsbible has been a great confidence builder thank you I am not so shy anymore but what I could use help with is getting rid of my gag reflex when giving a blowjob can you touch on that please pS I know it’s not really a job thanks in advance
Hi Erin,
You’ll find some great tips in this article on deep throating to help control your gag reflex.
Sean
Hey Sean,
Comment/question from a husband here. My wife and I have an active sex life and it is very enjoyable. I am a very focused lover because if she’s not enjoying it things will probably fade. I’ve told her before that my focus is making her cum. And on a regular basis, and I say this fully bragging lol, I can give her multiple orgasms into the double digits. My problem is that she isn’t nearly as aggressive or adventurous as I would like. Now before you tell me to talk to her about it, I have. Many times. She is the envy of her friends for how great we communicate. My issue is that she acknowledges that she shouldn’t be such a prude and our love life could use some new excitement but yet she doesn’t do much about it. She was brought up in a religious home and has self confidence issues. I am constantly reaffirming to her how beautiful she is and how much her body turns me on. But I’m starting to hit a brick wall. And the more I bring it up the more I feel like it’s my issue and I need to change. Any help?
Hey Sean,
I’ve always been comfortable, confident and adventurous with sex but wanted to read your newsletters for some tips to keep things extra fresh and juicy. And it has! So thanks for that : ) But I have to say I often find your language and attitude pretty troubling. By this I mean how heavily you focus on “satisfying our man” instead of satisfying ourselves or how to gain satisfaction from our men. Yes, I agree satisfying our partners is very important. And I always put the effort in to achieve this and enjoy it! But it is extremely important that we women are also satisfied. And I feel in our culture, women’s sexuality tends to be overlooked in favour of mens sexuality. And that doesn’t seem fair, empowering or satisfying for us women and only encourages more selfish and self-entitled male lovers (leaving us women even less sexually satisfied). If you really care about us women wouldn’t it be healthier and more beneficial for us if our satisfaction was more of a focus in your newsletters, instead of fear mongering us into believing if we don’t look after our men’s sexual needs, they will leave us? I dig you Sean, but I think putting certain men (and women’s) shady behaviour back onto us because we are not good enough at keeping them under our pussy power is total b.s. It’s not our fault if players love playing. And yes, in my experience you can do things to make dudes go sexually ga-ga over you and that’s fun! But some people are commitment-phones and stray for reasons that are deeply and personally ingrained and have nothing to do with love or sex. Or love just sometimes naturally dies and that too can lead people to stray, even if sex is still good. And that’s why I believe it’s not fair to blame women when their partners cheat on or leave them. It’s often more complex than that. Besides, sex should never be all about the other person. To have a really healthy sex life you gotta get your kicks off too! And I believe your lovers should want you to get your kicks off too or otherwise he/she is a selfish douche bag and doesn’t deserve your efforts. And to get your kicks off, I believe you need to make sure you are doing things that turn YOU on, not just him and your man has to put in just as much effort into pleasing you as you do him. In fact, I’m bisexual and I have to say that women generally put FAR more effort into satisfying their lovers than men do. Generally, until I let them know that’s not on, men look after numero uno and will only put effort into turning us women on if it inadvertently turns them on (which it thankfully often does e.g I LOVE it when a man gets turned on by giving me head). So I feel instead of placing the responsibility on women (and therefore the blame on us when sex sucks) there should be more focus on MEN putting more effort in and women learning what to do to satisfy THEMSELVES, OR how to encourage their male partners to put more effort into satisfying us women. The effort has gotta be 50/50 or someone looses out man! I get that you are speaking from a males perspective and it’s so wonderful that you give us insight into males desires. Really. But I feel that could be delivered in a way that isn’t angled towards a mans desire being our responsibility, and it’s our fault if sex sucks, and it’s our fault if our man cheats, and barely any attention given to our own sexual satisfaction. And I get that your newsletters are intended to empower women, and in many ways they do (including me when I pick up some new moves that make me feel like a magician etc like rubbing the head of his cock on the hard palate of my mouth while stoking my tongue along his shaft. That one is a winner and makes me feel like a boss) so thank you. But I think all that great work is counter productive when you perhaps unconsciously, put the sole onus on us women to make sure our sex lives with our partners are dynamite, and transfer all the responsibility away from men. Y’know? Like you have mentioned in a previous newsletter, but perhaps not often enough, I make my men WANT ME, by making them WORK for me. Men get bored and take things (r.e women) for granted if they just get fed everything on a silver spoon. So I make it very clear to them that if they want me, they have to put some effort in to satisfy ME too, because it’s not all my responsibility and because I satisfy them, I DESERVE to be treated just as well as I treat them. And because I believe that and let them know that, they believe it too. Which makes them believe they’ve got a good thing and they don’t wanna loose me and therefore DO actually put effort into satisfying me too. WIN WIN!!! ; ) So speaking as a sexually satisfied woman with a sexually satisfied partner, I’d really like to say – women 1. if you have been cheated on or left for another man, unless you’ve done something shitty to them or haven’t put any effort into the relationship, you shouldn’t have a low sense of self worth or smashed confidence because you believe it’s your fault or you’re not good enough. DON’T blame yourself for OTHERS dog behaviour. No amount of deep throating and smut talk can change a player by nature. Sure, it might make him want to keep booty calling you, but who wants to keep a dog hanging around who is just going to keep playing with your heart? And 2. My sexual confidence has come from a belief that I deserve to be sexually satisfied just as much as my lovers do. Every woman does! Including YOU! And that sexual confidence TURNS DUDES ON!!! I’ve found that they like being treated nice (or nasty if they want) knowing that’s the reward they get for treating me just as well. And if a man doesn’t get off on that reward and just wants to get and not give, I guarantee you he is selfish in more places than the bedroom and is therefore not someone you need in your life. DITCH HIM! And Sean, I owe you kudos, so many thanks, but I really do implore you to consider my constructive criticism and just tweak the angle of your attitude and language so it is more empowering for us women. As I believe empowering us is what you are intending to do. So I hope you will accept my thanks, as well as my thoughts on this matter and take them on board. Cheers Sean!
Emma,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I’ve actually been feeling the same way for some time and am in the process of updating the site, so it’s not so “male pleasure centric”. You’re also completely right that straying is just ingrained in some guys personalities and there is nothing you can do to change that.
Best,
Sean
Oh my..yey someone finally said it!!! I’ve been looking for comments like this. And I hope women read this. I mean Sean your tips and insights are good. And it help us women to atleast know what men wants and thinks. But Emma is so spot on.this site only focus to what you,men wants. It’s should be 50/50.
Hi Sean, after being away from my husband forna while I had a chance to think about what I wanted in the bedroom. I wrote everything down and gave it to my husband and asked him to do the same, he said he wanted the same things. Unfortunately he has not tried to do any of them. I really want to try playing with toys but I don’t know how to ask him and to get him to open up and explore his adventurous side. What do should I do?
Also thank you sooo much for the blow job advice, he loves it and I have started to enjoy giving them.
Hi, am Stacy
I have being reading informed information and it as being working really great for my sex life. I am now more opened and less shy in the bed room and my man loves it beyond words.
However, my question is you only write about how the man should be pleased sexually, but nothing on how he should please the me (the woman).
How do you get your man to perform oral sex on you and go out and beyond for me in bed the way I am doing it for him. I am filling all his sexual fantastices with your tips I do them like a pro. So I think I deserve the same back. So how do I go about getting him to start going down on me? He claims that he his shy and afraid to and doesn’t know how to do it and all that crap.
I’m working on it!
Hi Sean, my boyfriend told me that he didn’t care if i give him a blow job or not that he was happy . So i decided to give one and use some of your technique oh boy now he can’t get enough he love it .. thanks so much for your help
Emily:)
Glad I could help!
What do you do when you give blow job or even a hand job to your spouse and you feel bored or stop bring I the mood? That is what I deal with it just I feel so gross giving bjs and handjobs. I don’t even like when he goes down on me. I am not sure what it is but I lose interest and can’t orgasm with it. But it makes me upset each time he ask for it because I lose interest in sex all together.
Help
This sounds like a really tricky situation. Unfortunately I don’t know the specifics of your relationship so it’s hard for me to give advice here. You may find talking to him to be the best thing so that you are both on the same page.
Hi, I’m 75 and enjoy sex. I was seeing someon 16 years younger. We were not completely okay with the age difference but enjoyed each other for about a year. So I finalized the blow job with your article. He only did that to me once. Anyway we separated the next week. I took him back and thought things were okay. The next week he said he has to think about this more. I stopped speaking with him but he called and I think he wants to come back. I am not encouraging him. I think he is seeing other people, not being satisfied and may have some regret?
Good Day Sean, your posts have been helping me so much in boosting my confidence in bed but I have a question about squirting, does it really matter in the happiness of a guy in bed???
Thanks
no it doesn’t
I am very adventurous sexually and my man loves it! But I have made the mistake of allowing him to be lazy when it comes down to going down on me….enough is enough! So give me some hot ideas to make him excited about and enthusiastic about showing love to my lady parts!
This can be tricky. The best thing you can do is let him know how much you enjoy it and make it as enticing for him as possible. So try to find out if he prefers you trimmed/bushy/hairless and whether an edible lube is something he’d like to try.
If none of this works, then you may need to be more direct with him and tell him that it’s something you’d like him to do more. Of course, when being direct, you still need to be non-judgemental and non-confrontational about it.
Sean, my friend, you’ve given me a great deal of confidence and , Whoo ha pleasure with your advice and no nonsense instruction. I’m grateful 💋
Happy to help 🙂