Cuckolding 101 Guide: Why Men Like It & How To Cuckold A Man

Cuckolding is when one partner in a relationship sleeps with someone outside their relationship, with their partner’s knowledge and consent. You’re going to learn how to cuckold your husband in this in-depth guide, along with…

• What is cuckolding?
• Cuckolding podcast
• How common cuckolding is in the real world
• Why do some people like cuckolding
• Cuckolding V hotwifing V swinging V open relationships
• Fantasy V reality differences
• Risks & benefits of cuckolding
• How to cuckold your partner: step-by-step guide
• 13 Additional cuckolding ideas

What is Cuckolding?

Another name for cuckolding is troilism, although you’ll only likely hear that from academics.

Cuckolding involves a couple and a third person who has sex with one of the partners. While cuckolding can include people of any gender or sexual orientation, it typically involves a married couple and a man outside the marriage who has sex with the wife. Many cuckolding guides ignore other options.

Here are a few important terms you should know:

• The woman is sometimes also known as the cuckoldress.
• Her husband is the cuck or cuckold.
• The second man is the bull.

And the husband is being “cucked” by his wife and the bull in this situation.

Is cuckolding cheating? – Cuckolding isn’t cheating because the cuck knows about it, consents, and may even ask his wife to participate. The cucked partner might be in the same room (perhaps masturbating), watching from a distance, or listening in.

Sometimes the cuck isn’t present – He may know that his wife is going to have sex with the bull and/or she may report details afterward. There is often an element of humiliation where the cuckoldress tells her husband how the bull is better than him.

Related: 128 BDSM Humiliation & Degradation Kink Ideas

A bigger penis is often a factor – Cuckolding couples often look for someone well-endowed or physically larger for the wife to sleep with to increase the husband’s humiliation. This sometimes also involves race play while many couples may look for a bull with a large penis regardless of race, however.

Study: Does Size Matter? 91.7% Of Women Say It Does

Gay & straight couples differ – For instance, “[gay] participants saw the bull’s race as largely unimportant,” according to sex researcher Justin Lehmiller [1]. Lehmiller also points out how cuckolding with straight couples frequently involves a BDSM element, while this is not true for gay couples involved in cuckolding.

When BDSM is involved, the husband might be restrained in bondage and “forced” to watch the bull with his wife. If the wife takes on a more dominant role, it can still be BDSM, even without physical implements.

Explore: Light bondage tips

Cuckolding Podcast

I interviewed Venus, a woman who has cuckolded multiple men. She explains more about what cuckolding is, why some women and men adore it, and how to find a partner to safely explore your cuckolding kink with. I strongly recommend you listen to learn more.

Listen to more Bad Girls Bible podcast episodes here.

How Common Is Cuckolding?

Cuckolding has entered the mainstream, perhaps because it’s a popular porn category, and porn is now more accessible than ever. As a result, popular media often casually mention cuckolding, and you’ll find plenty of cuckolding guides… but we aim to be the best!

Some people who would never have thought of or admitted to cuckolding fantasies may be talking about or trying to engage in cuckolding in real life after seeing or reading about it online.

However, that doesn’t mean that everyone is trying cuckolding. Participants, sex educators, and even those in the cuckold lifestyle agree that cuckolding seems to be on the rise. Still, we don’t have good data on how many people try cuckolding, let alone consider themselves in a cuckold relationship.

How many men fantasize about cuckolding? – In one study, Justin Lehmiller found that 58% of straight men had ever fantasized about cuckolding [2 ch 2]. Yet only around 25% of women had a similar fantasy. It stands to reason that men are more likely to suggest cuckolding to their female partners.

Related: The 10 Most Common Sexual Fantasies…You Gotta Try These

Why Do Some People Like Cuckolding?

Cuckolding might seem strange to some people because of the aspects of humiliation and objectification (of both the wife and bull). These feelings can be complicated, but here are some reasons why people might try it.

• Knowing or seeing your partner having someone sex with someone else, especially if that other person offers something you don’t, can simultaneously be arousing and humiliating. 23 tips for women to have better sex.
• Breaking social rules can also be a turn-on. Plus, shame and guilt can also make us obsessed with something because it’s “bad.” Learn: 20 techniques to turn on a guy and how to turn on a girl.
• For some couples, not knowing whether a child belongs to the bull or the cuck if the cuckoldress gets pregnant might also be enjoyable.
• Having sex with your partner after she has been with someone else can be hot. You might feel like you’re “reclaiming her” or you are a better man because your partner comes back to you.

Cuckolding seemingly puts the man in control of something–his wife sleeping with someone else–that would normally be outside of his control and cause hurt and upheaval. This differentiates cuckolding from cheating.

Discover: 23 reasons why women cheat.

It also involves voyeurism, where someone watches others have sex, and exhibition, where someone is watched sexually.

For the bull, the appeal is typically getting to have sex with a beautiful woman with no strings attached. Taboo might also make cuckolding appealing. However, because cuckolding sometimes has a race play element, these men may feel objectified and used because of their race and (presumed) penis size.

Do Women Like Cuckolding?

Yes, some do!

They may enjoy cuckolding because they get to have sex with people other than their partners without jeopardizing their relationships. This may make them feel sexy and desirable. The element of taboo or even sharing the experience with their partners may make the activity enjoyable.

Lehmiller’s research shows that women with cuckold fantasies are more likely to see themselves having sex with someone else while men are more likely to be the observer in the scenario [2 ch 2].

Cuckolding V Hotwifing V Swinging V Open Relationships V Other Activities/Relationships

Cuckolding is related to other alternative relationship styles, so you might be confused about hotwife vs cuckold fantasies or something similar. Here’s a breakdown to help.

• Cuckqueaning – is like cuckolding with the gender roles reversed. The man has sex with other women while the wife does not.
• Hotwifing – when a husband encourages his wife to sleep with other people, usually men. It’s different because it lacks the humiliation aspect of cuckoldry.
• Threesomes – involve a couple and someone else, who could be any gender. They are typically for everyone’s enjoyment, do not include humiliation, and may be a one-off. 18 very pleasurable threesome sex positions.
• Swinging – where couples swap partners with other couples. Swinging can include up to full penetration (hard swapping) or less than full penetration (soft swapping).
• Open relationships – partners are allowed to search for and have sex outside their relationship.
• Polyamory – a relationship structure where one or more members can be romantically or sexually involved with others. Humiliation doesn’t play a role, and some people may view it as an orientation. Listen to our in-depth podcast on polyamory.

Cuckold Fantasy Versus Reality

Can the fantasy be enough for you – While there are guys who want to watch their wives with other men, some only want to think and fantasize about it–maybe include it in dirty talk. For some people, the cuckolding fantasy is just that and they don’t want to learn how to cuckold their partner in real life.

There’s nothing wrong with this. It avoids the complicated emotions and physical risks, including STIs or pregnancy, that come with cuckolding.

You may regret it – Nevertheless, some people want to at least try the real thing, either because the cuck kink is too hot to resist or because they’re sure it will work out well. Truthfully, we can’t know how we will react in these situations. This is exactly why some people regret threesomes.

Yet for people who are secure in themselves and their relationships and have good communication, even a less-than-stellar cuckolding experience doesn’t have to hurt their relationship.

When cuckolding is a bad idea – For people who are not absolutely positive that their relationship won’t be harmed by cuckolding, it might be best that it stays a fantasy!

On the other hand, if you’ve got a serious cuck fetish, you may want to make it known early in your relationship. That way, you can establish a cuckold relationship from the start, and everyone is okay with it.

The Risks and Benefits of Cuckolding

The Pros

Many of the benefits of cuckolding are what make it so appealing. Exploring the cuckold kink with your partner can teach you more about yourselves. It might even bring you closer together, especially if talking openly about your sexual desires helps decrease guilt or shame around them.

Related: Use Sexual Communication for Complete Sexual Fulfillment

You also get to explore new partners and perhaps sexual activities without cheating.

It may not be surprising that Lehmiller has found an association between cuckolding and “higher levels of sexual sensation seeking, openness to experience, self-esteem, relationship investments, relationship satisfaction, and relationship commitment” in gay men who practice cuckolding [1]. It seems like cuckolding has a lot of perks, and mixed-sex couples who engage in cuckolding might also enjoy some of the same benefits.

The Cons

But it might not be that fun if you’re focused only on putting on a show for your partner instead of enjoying yourself.

Cons for the bull – We’ve already mentioned how race can play into cuckolding in a problematic way. The bull might also feel objectified because the couple sought him out only for sex and potentially a trait such as his penis size.

Cons for the wife – The wife may also feel objectified when participating in a cuckold experience because it’s about her husband’s fantasy and not necessarily her desires.

When one partner “requires” it – Relationships can suffer if one partner requires cuckolding or forces their partner into it. This is especially true if the other partner is either lukewarm about it or frustrated by their partner’s obsession with it.

When it’s not what you thought it would be – The person who suggested cuckolding might realize they’re not that into it. The fantasy was a lot hotter in their head compared to the reality.

Equally, their partner may have been indifferent to cuckolding at first, but after trying it, they find out that they adore it.

Sometimes, the husband views the wife as tainted or feels betrayed after cuckolding, even if it was his idea. He may not be able to look at her the same, and their relationship may never recover. Jealousy is a major risk of trying out cuckolding, and not everyone knows how to deal with jealousy in a healthy way.

Similar negative feelings can happen after threesomes. So, it’s smarter not to actually do anything before reading a cuckolding guide like this one and discussing what could go wrong with your partner beforehand to minimize the risks.

How to Explore cuckolding

The cuckold tips below focus on mixed-sex (straight/heterosexual) relationships, but many can be applied to same-sex relationships, too.

How to Suggest It to Your Partner

It’s perfectly normal if you’re nervous about bringing up your interest in cuckolding with your partner. It’s quite taboo and it violates most rules that society has about relationships.

Your partner might not be open to the idea and might have a very bad reaction no matter what, but how you approach the conversation can make a big difference to how it goes.

If you already talk openly about sex, the conversation should be a little easier. We definitely recommend getting in the habit of taking about sex whether you’re into cuckoling or not.

Tips for Men Who Want to Bring it Up

You might mention how hot it is if someone else is attracted to your partner. A natural situation might arise where someone flirts with your wife. You could even ask a friend to do so if you have that kind of friendship.

Don’t rush to let her know that you’ve researched how to become a cuckold before she’s ready.

Tips for Women Who Want to Bring it Up

As a woman, you may choose to focus on explaining to your partner how much you enjoy feeling sexy and desirable.

For Either of You

You might start a general conversation about things that turn you on or that you’d like to do in bed, especially as a couple.

Read: 29 new things to try in bed.

But, be careful…

You don’t want to make your partner feel like they aren’t actually enough or that you’re not committed to the relationship.

Be prepared for your partner to ask questions like how you got the idea and if you learned about it in porn. You could reference a movie, story, or even this cuckolding 101 guide as inspiration.

Never try to force your partner into doing something they don’t want to do.

Even if they eventually agree, having to coerce them means it’s not consensual.

Related: Consensual Non-Consent aka Rape Roleplay.

Getting Started

Take things slowly! Before you actually do anything, including looking for a bull, you should have plenty of conversations.

They might go something like this:

• Talking about cuckolding as dirty talk during sex or a fantasy only
• Discussing hypotheticals such as who, where, and how it would go down
• Talking about why it’s appealing and what’s holding you back
• Researching common rules/boundaries and where to find a bull
• Describing your ideal situation and what it would do for either of you. These true sex stories from real people may give your some inspiration.
• Looking for a bull online but not making contact

Then, you can dip your toe in by contacting someone who is interested in being a bull without making plans. From there, you plan to meet. The next step is meeting in person to get a feel for the sexual chemistry and discuss safety.

Once you’re sure you’re interested in cuckolding and have met someone, you can ease into the activities. This can involve:

• Having drinks and flirting/watching your partner flirt
• Dancing, kissing and making out without explicit sexual touching
• Sexual touching over the clothing. 22 great foreplay tips.
• Going or letting your partner go with the bull to someplace where sex can happen
• Having sex or watching them have sex

These steps may not always happen in order or in specific locations. For example, you might meet someone once and then schedule a later date for sex at a hotel. Or you might meet someone in a hotel bar and stay there while he goes upstairs with your wife.

Throughout the entire process, you want to move slowly. Take tentative steps and check in frequently. This might be a simple “You okay?” when someone goes to get a drink or a debrief after meeting someone or sex.

You can stop or pause after each of these steps without feeling bad or guilty. Anyone who makes you feel bad about wanting to stop, including your partner, is wrong. Don’t feel bad about not wanting to spend more time or proceed with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable (or has violated your boundaries). Warn others if you think it’s appropriate.

How to Find a Bull

Friend Versus Stranger

Some people ask someone they know to be the bull. However, issues can arise with jealousy when you know the person, just like with threesomes.

Plus, it could harm your friendship.

In-Person Bull Hunting

Bars & clubs – Some people recommend choosing a bar that is frequented by the kind of people you’d want as a bull. Of course, in doing so, you may be perpetuating stereotypes. You also may offend people who aren’t interested.

Any bar or club could be a good scouting location. Your female partner can start by chatting/flirting with potential partners, before either of you politely ask them if they’re interested. While some people might not be upfront about their cuckolding fetish, you should at least be clear that it’s only for sex and you’re married/unavailable for anything else. Many people would be upset to learn they had sex with a married person or for someone else’s kink.

Swingers club – If you have a local swinger’s club, it could also be a good option for finding someone. However, you might be surprised how easy it is to pick someone up at, say, Starbucks during daytime hours.

Once you’re established what you both want, you may also be able to find bulls through your community/network.

Online Options

You could also sign up for a dating site and say that you are specifically looking for men (or women) who are interested in cuckolding. However, the general public may not be very receptive.

Instead, you’ll find a few sites that exist solely for people in cuckold relationships, and you should be able to find someone there.

Some people start social media accounts where they show off their (wives’) bodies without faces. You can add your location to your bio and see if anyone is interested. Be careful not to post anything that would give away your identity or location, however.

Expectations

Keep your expectations realistic. You may not be able to find the hottest, strongest bull with the biggest dick. We’re talking about real people.

Choosing a Bull

Generally, lots of people are willing to step into the role, but you should choose wisely. Safety, chemistry, and privacy are all important concerns. Plus, some people may not actually have experience with cuckolding.

Just because you get a bite doesn’t mean there will be chemistry, either. It may not be important for everyone to be attracted to everyone else, but anyone who is having sex should definitely feel attraction!

How to Cuckold Safely

Physical safety is important, so discuss your STI status and you should share your most recent screening results with each other.

Use condoms – Bring your own just to be safe. You might also consider gloves or dental dams, depending on what you plan to do. Lube is also a good idea for safety and comfort.

Discuss boundaries – Boundaries are also important to safety. Decide what you will and aren’t willing to do. Lay it out plainly. You could even decide on a safe word if you want.

Never continue engaging with anyone who ignores or disrespects your boundaries.

13 Fun Cuckolding Ideas

If cuckolding sounds appealing to you, why not give the below ideas a go? You can add them to your dirty talk or role play or play them out for real!

1. Humiliation – usually the husband is humiliated for being inadequate in bed (physically or skillfully). It can be verbal with or without the bull present. It may happen before, during or after sex. You could compare body parts or photos.
2. Natural order – the wife is so attractive or women are so sexual that it only makes sense for her to sleep with others
3. Sneaking – behind her husband’s back to “cheat” on him, even though he really knows about it
4. Insatiable wife – can’t get enough and can’t help herself
5. “Forced” watching – husband is “forced” to watch (or listen) either in person or via technology
6. Prevented watching – the husband cannot watch but will hear about it later
7. Supervisor– wife sleeps with the boss
8. Cougar – wife wants a younger “virile” man who is capable of getting her pregnant (even if you use protection) or satisfying her
9. Bondage – the husband is bound while the wife has sex with the bull. 17 exciting bondage sex positions.
10. Lesson teaching – the wife needs a “real man,” and the husband has to learn by watching
11. Boredom – housewife needs excitement back in her life, perhaps from the pool boy or cable guy
12. Dominance/submission – the wife is the alpha femdom and husband is the beta submissive
13. Discovery – husband walks in on the wife and bull

Hopefully, our cuckolding 101 guide has helped you understand how to cuckold your partner (or be cuckolded). Remember to take your time, set (and respect) your limits and boundaries, and communicate honestly and frequently. And if you’re not ready to do it, you can always enjoy the cuckold fantasy without it going further than that!