We all strive to achieve bigger and better things in life; we want bigger houses, nicer cars, better promotions, the best schools for our children. We never stop trying to grow and improve.
But why don’t we apply the same determination when it comes to our sex lives? Why is it that sex often doesn’t even show up on our list of things to accomplish for the day?
There are dozens of reasons why it’s vitally important to focus on continuously improving your sex life, but the two that should top your list are because it makes you feel good and because it makes your man feel good. So with this in mind, here are 5 things that you can start doing now to improve your sex life. (If you are just looking for new sex positions, then you can find them here.)
1. Be Sexually Available
Try having sex more often AND being the one who initiates it.
This one may seem like a no-brainer when trying to improve your sex life, but ask yourself this question: have you ever turned your man down because you “had a headache”, weren’t “in the mood”, or were “too tired”?
As women, we hold a lot of control over how frequently we have sex. Constantly rejecting our partner’s needs tends to be the beginning of a downward spiral within our sex lives. Rejection hurts and if he is associating bad feelings about sex with you, he may just find someone else who can make him feel good about sex and good about himself again.
What can you do?
If you find that you have a difficult time getting “in the mood”, the best thing you can do is change your attitude and put yourself in the mood. Early in the day, long before you see your man, do something that turns you on (Here is one idea and here is another).
Get yourself excited and wanting to have sex later on. If you have a tough time with feeling really tired, first, for your own health, you should be trying to figure out how to get more rest and second, for the health of your relationship, you should be trying to have sex earlier in the day or evening when you’re not as tired. There are always exceptional circumstances, but your goal should be to have sex as often as possible.
2. Always Be Enthusiastic
This is probably the most important and easiest advice that I can give you when learning how to improve your sex life. Do not lay there, allowing your mind to drift, sorting through your to-do list for tomorrow morning. There is nothing worse than a bored and therefore boring partner. Pay attention to what’s going on, participate and be heated and excited and passionate.
Behaving like this will turn him on and will probably turn you on as well. If you do not come across as excited, he will know that you do not find him exciting and one of two things will probably happen: he will decide that you are boring and he will find someone more eager; or he will constantly feel like he is not good enough for you and he will find someone more appreciative.
What can you do?
First of all, don’t fake it. Pretending to be excited can be phony, transparent, insulting and will do little to improve your love life with your man. Find something that he does well that does turn you on and request it. Find something you can think about that makes you horny and focus on it. The more you concentrate on being turned on, the easier it will be. Your goal should be not just to appear enthusiastic, but to actually feel enthusiasm.
3. Incorporate a LOT more Blowjobs
And get good at them.
You are never, ever going to hear a man complain that he gets too many blowjobs. Men are hard-wired to be the providers. Going to work, bringing home the bacon, trying to keep his partner happy, taking care of the kids, etc; it all stems from a primal need to provide. Giving a man a blowjob is a chance for him to lay back and do nothing but receive, in its rawest form.
He will absolutely love you for it. It’s an opportunity to thank him for all of his good actions and good intentions. And did I mention he will absolutely love you for it?
What can you do?
There are two simple ways to introduce more blowjobs to your sex life. The first is by randomly giving him head, when you are not having sex and not about to have sex. This has nothing to do with foreplay and everything to do with taking some time just to focus on your man and expecting nothing in return. Important: Randomly giving your man head requires you to take some initiative.
Two things to remember: practice makes perfect and he doesn’t care if you are not perfect at giving him a good blowjob yet. The more blowjobs that you give him, the more you will learn what he likes, by paying attention to his reactions and by asking questions (BTW asking questions and good communication is key to improving your sex life). The better that you get at giving blowjobs, the quicker you will be able to make him cum.
The second way to introduce more blowjobs is by including them while having sex. The variety is nice for him and changing the sensation might help him last longer, which might be nice for you. Switching two or three times during the course of one sex session is something that just may leave his head spinning!
4. Buy Sex Toys Together
That both of you can enjoy.
There are as many different kinds of sex toys as there are different positions to have sex. “Sex toys” does not automatically mean dildos, although that may be a great place to start. Having different toys and props will introduce a huge amount of variety to your usual sex sessions. And exploring one another’s desires and fantasies is an excellent way to enhance your intimacy and ultimately improve your sex life.
What can you do?
Start off by looking at and purchasing toys together. If either one of you is nervous about going into an actual store to make your purchases, there are lots of good websites you can shop from. If you’re more adventurous, host or attend a Passion Party.
Shopping together while trying to improve your sex life will give you a great chance to learn each other’s different desires and may introduce new ideas for things to try that you haven’t previously considered. You may discover, for example, that one of you is really intrigued by bondage style toys, like handcuffs and restraints and the other is interested in double penetration or multiple stimulation toys. You can each choose a new toy to try out together and then have fun with!
5. Embrace Your Desire
And rekindle the flame.
The desire to want sex has long been portrayed as a trait that men have and women don’t. But everyone likes to feel temptation and likes to feel tempting. Everyone likes to feel desired and desirous. For a variety of reasons, the “spark” seems to go out of a relationship; the passion gets lost amidst our busy lives. If you’re looking to improve your sex life, chances are you’re looking to rekindle the excitement you felt towards the beginning of your relationship.
What can you do?
Try thinking of sex as being as important for the health of your relationship as exercise is for the health of your body. Begin thinking of yourself as a sexual being with wants, desires and needs that must be fulfilled. Feel thrilled by the endless opportunities that sex gives us to feel absolutely amazing.
Here is an interesting way of thinking about it: Thoughts, feelings and actions form a triangle. The things that you think affect the way that you feel, the way that you feel affects the things that you do, the things that you do affect the way that you think.
Think of yourself as a being full of passion, feel that passion towards your man and watch the passion manifest within your relationship.
Whether your sex life is sensational, or tedious, or somewhere in-between, it’s always a good idea to continuously try to improve it. First you must ensure you actually have a sex life by trying to have sex as often as possible. Then you can improve your sex life by always showing enthusiasm, including lots of blowjobs and trying new things like buying sex toys together.
And if you make sure you focus on maintaining desire and passion for one another, you can re-establish that spark. If you found these suggestions helpful or would like to share your own suggestions on how you have improved your sex life, we would love to hear from you here at Bad Girl’s Bible! You can do this by leaving a comment below or by signing up to the free sex newsletter below!
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