26 Worst Turn Offs For Guys To Avoid At All Costs!

You are about to learn 26 obvious but fixable mistakes that turn men off. I’m also going to teach you the things that turn men on at the end of this guide.

What is a turn off?

In its most basic form, a turn off is anything that makes you less excited about or interested in something. We often talk about sexual turn offs, but people can get turned off from all sorts of things, from plans to relationships.

Turn offs can come in multiple forms, from things you do or say (dirty things to say to your man) to things that impact our senses (taste, sight, smell, touch, and hearing). Even the things we think can be a turn off, so it’s smart not just to know your own turn offs, but to also understand what turns a guy off.

The Difference Between A Sexual & Relationship Turn Off

In just a moment, we’ll get to the biggest turn offs for guys. Before that, I want to take a moment to talk about the types of turn offs.

As I mentioned above, there are relationship turn offs and sexual turn offs. While there’s some overlap, you need to understand the two categories to appreciate their differences.

Relationship turn offs – Think about what you want from a relationship: a partner who cares about and respects you, a potential co-parent, someone who you can introduce to friends and family. You probably want this to be a good person. Most people would find immature or cruel behavior to be some of the biggest turns offs in a relationship.

Sexual turn offs – If you’re only interested in someone for casual dating or sex, however, things change. You want to be physically/sexually attracted to them, to enjoy their company, and to have good sex. Those things don’t necessarily require other types of compatibility.

Related: How to have a wild, intense one night stand.

Sexual turn offs are more about your attraction and compatibility between the sheets, including sexual chemistry and intense sexual tension.

While you might work around sexual issues when you care about and are committed to a partner, something like small penis might be a dealbreaker when it’s just sex.

Related: Does size matter [1,387 woman study]

1. Dishonesty

Dishonesty is a turn off for pretty much anyone. If a guy realizes you’ve been lying, even about something small, it can do more than break his trust. It might turn him off, too!

2. Selfishness

No one likes a selfish person, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that this is one of the biggest turn offs for guys. In general, a selfish person consistently puts their own interests above all else, even if it hurts the people they supposedly care about.

Selfish behavior commonly includes:

• Not respecting others’ time
• Avoiding responsibilities
• Lack of accountability for your actions
• Not listening
• Ignoring boundaries

Of course, you can probably name a ton of other selfish behaviors. If you want to avoid turning off guys, it’s important to limit your selfishness.

3. Narcissism

You could think of narcissism as extreme selfishness with a heavy dose of arrogance. On top of the selfish behaviors listed above, a narcissistic person will often be overly cocky and think that they’re better than others. These people tend to be manipulative, too.

It’s hard to understand how narcissism wouldn’t be a turn off when you think about it!

4. No Boundaries

You might not think that a lack of boundaries could be a turn off for a guy, but a lot of men prefer a partner who knows what she wants–and what she doesn’t. When you set boundaries, it shows that you respect yourself. Boundaries also help you to avoid negative experiences, from miscommunications to painful sex.

Related: Improve your sexual communication.

And if you find yourself in a position with someone who finds boundaries to be a turn off, they do not deserve to have sex with you!

5. No Sense of Humor

Chances are, you’d prefer a partner with a sense of humor, so it makes sense that not having one is a turn off for guys. Having a sense of humor means you know how to laugh and have fun. It’s also a sign that you let negatives roll off your back.

Of course, your sense of humor might not mesh with everyone else’s, and that’s okay. It’ll be a huge turn on when you find the person it does mesh with, however!

Read: 206 fun questions to ask your man to get to know him.

6. Desperation

Desperation is a nearly universal turn off. A desperate person wants to be with someone so bad that it doesn’t matter who that person is or whether they’re a good fit. This can make the target of your attention feel objectified or easily replaced, which is often a turn off.

Plus…

If you’re desperate, you probably won’t have much self-esteem or any backbone and might slip through the essential steps that build a solid foundation for a relationship.

Specific signs of desperation include:

• Being too available
• Being overly complimentary before you know someone, which makes you seem fake
• Starting all conversations without waiting for the person to respond
• Messaging too frequently (Discover: If you should text him or wait)
• Dropping everything to talk to or spend time with someone
• Planning too far ahead
• Making overly romantic comments before meeting (if online dating)
• Hanging all of your hopes and dreams on one person

7. Pick Mes

Closely related to desperate women are the “pick mes” or “pick me girls.”

“Pick me girls” are those who are so eager for a man’s attention that they will do practically anything, including putting down their own gender, so that the man “picks” them.

A pick me girl will purposely avoid doing or liking things that are associated with women and/or femininity. They may not have many female friends. They often don’t think about why they’re doing this, however.

8. Unreliable Friends

You might not understand how having unreliable friends can be a turn off, but it has to do with what it says about you. Are you also the type of person who can’t be depended on because it’s seen as normal in your friend group? This is definitely a turn off for a man if he wants to be in a relationship with someone who is an equal partner.

Plus, unreliable friends may often call you to bail them out of trouble and expect that you’ll drop everything for them. While being a good friend is usually seen as a plus, unreliable friends can easily interrupt the time you spend with a guy and make him feel like he’s not a priority. If you’re only around for casual sex, this might not be a big problem, though.

9. Cheating

This is such an obvious turn off that we almost considered not listing it! If you cheat, you’re displaying several of the items on this list of turn offs: dishonesty, selfishness, a lack of respect for others, and potentially playing games or making your partner jealous for no reason.

In the best case scenario, a cheater should have spoken up about their feelings to their partner or ended the relationship. Maybe they shouldn’t have agreed to be monogamous when they really need and open relationship or polyamory (more on that in this podcast about polyamory). But cheating often means they simply do not care about their partner the way they say or think they do.

Learn why men cheat and why women cheat, too.

10. Playing Games

For years, we’ve all heard that we should play games. That means saying “No” when you mean “Yes” to get someone to pursue you harder, not responding within a reasonable time frame, and not being honest about your feelings.

Playing games can feel like a power move, but it can also waste time that could be better spent honestly getting to know someone. That’s why this is often one of men’s and women’s biggest turn offs. If you’re looking for something more serious, you should act like it!

Of course, this is very different than engaging in hot sex games to spice things up in the bedroom.

11. Improper Levels of Appreciation

Guys like receiving compliments and knowing that they’re appreciated, so never hearing it from you could be a turn off. However, it is possible for you to go overboard with appreciation and compliments, which makes those kind words seem fake or even patronizing.

Going overboard with compliments – Giving your man way too many compliments is one of the things desperate people do, but…

You may genuinely feel like he is completely deserving of these excessive compliments.

The problem is…

Giving him excessive compliments makes each subsequent compliment worth less in his eyes. So…

You may want to consider reeling it in.

This way, when you say something kind and grateful, it will be more meaningful to your partner and not a turn off.

12. Lack of respect for others

You can disrespect people in many ways, from saying rude things to or about them, to ignoring their boundaries (which could include BDSM limits), to showing up late for meetings. Not everyone will find the same behaviors as disrespectful as others. It’s all about what type of respect matters the most to a specific person.

13. Preoccupation with What Others Think

It might seem counterintuitive that this list of turn offs includes something about caring what other people think of you. After all, If you want to make sure a guy is turned on and not off…

You care what he thinks!

But you can go too far in either direction.

You need to strike a balance where you’re aware of what others think, especially so you can avoid being rude, disrespectful, or awkward, but not obsessed with what people think. When you become hyper-focused on others, you might try to cultivate an image that’s not truly you. Or you could become insecure, which isn’t good for relationships.

14. Basic Attention to Appearance

We’re not talking about looking like a supermodel here. Instead, we mean a lack of basic hygiene that makes you look or smell dirty, poor posture, and not caring for your health. For some men, only the most extreme cases will be turn offs, while others will prefer women who are active and fit on top of being clean.

Of course, you can always go the extra mile and dress sexy for your partner or wear lingerie.

Get tips for picking lingerie.

15. Putting Others Down

Why do people talk smack about others? Perhaps they’re petty, jealous, or trying to make themselves feel better. But unless you have a real problem that you can solve by talking to the person in question, it’s better not to run your mouth.

If a guy hears you talk about someone behind their back, he’ll wonder whether you do the same when he’s not around. That’s not good for trust and communication! This rule works for every relationship, by the way. Your friends, family, and coworkers will all similarly feel suspicious if they notice that you often talk negatively about others.

16. Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy comes in many forms, including emotional, physical and sexual intimacy. It’s common to share all types of intimacy with a partner, although we also share intimacy with loved ones such as friends and family members.

Sometimes, one or more types of intimacy are missing, however. This can lead to you feeling disconnected from your partner and lonely in your relationship. That’s a pretty big turn off for most people!

Fortunately, intimacy is something you can build if you’re willing to put the effort in.

Read next: 27 sexual & non-sexual intimacy ideas for a deeper connection.

17. Codependence

A lot of people don’t understand what a codependent relationship really is. It happens when one person becomes overly reliant on the other, but the other has an unhealthy desire to be needed. When this happens, both partners can lose independence.

Because relationships are ideally a combination of the familiar and the exciting, it makes sense that codependence is a turn off.

18. Lack of Initiative

You’ve probably heard men talk about how much they wished their female partners would initiate sex more often. It’s a common complaint, after all! Men are expected to pursue women romantically and sexually, and while it’s nice to feel wanted, it makes for an uneven playing field. Men wind up dealing with rejection, which can get old fast!

And women who don’t get a lot of experience approaching men, asking for what they want, and learning how to deal with rejection gracefully. This motivates some women to avoid any sort of approach or initiation, which further contributes to the problem.

Do you want to express your own agency and make your partner feel desired at the same time? Initiating sex instead of waiting for him to do so can accomplish just that! If you feel awkward, you can start with some dirty texting during the day to ease into sex when you can be together. Then, you can experiment with taking control in the bedroom, whether that means being on top during sex or dominating your partner.

Related: How to confidently and smoothly initiate sex with your man.

However, taking the initiative isn’t limited to the bedroom. You can ask men on dates, make plans, or decide what you want to do to show that you’re invested and involved, just like your partner is. Don’t forget that taking initiative in your life usually looks like ambition and deciding to do things to better yourself without waiting for others to help or do it for you.

19. No Flirting

Flirting can be a powerful tool whether you’ve just met someone who caught your eye or you’ve been married for forty years. All too often, people forget how to flirt with their longterm partners.

So if it’s been a while, why not spice things up by flirting with your partner? Even if they don’t think a lack of flirting is necessarily a turn off, you both might be surprised to learn how much it turns them on when you flirt!

Related: 15 flirting tips to make him obsessed with you.

20. Possessiveness

Possessiveness or jealousy is something we’re taught is a good thing when it’s really a negative and often a total turn off! When you’re possessive, you might find yourself engaging in some of the turn offs on this list, including being clingy, co-dependent, or controlling. Your partner will soon feel like they’re suffocating and may need a break from you–perhaps permanently!

To deal with jealousy, you need to examine your deepest fears. These fears often involve your partner liking someone better than you and leaving. But we all have unique fears, so only you can truly know what yours are.

Once you’ve done that, you need to address them, which may involve talking to your partner or a therapist. Often, we want our partners to help us feel less insecure, but we need to learn to find security from within.

Get: Tips for dealing with jealousy.

21. Arrogance

Arrogance is all about having an inflated sense of importance. Basically, it’s having a big ego. It might not be as bad as narcissism, but you can’t be arrogant without thinking you’re better than others. You might not think it’s a big deal as long as you don’t include your partner in that group, but seeing women look down on others is often one of the things that turn men off.

Arrogance is also closely related to vanity, which is a preoccupation with your looks. While walking about with spinach in your teeth is a turn off, so is checking yourself out in every mirror or window that you pass.

22. Faking It

You might be surprised to learn that “faking it” is a thing that women do that turns off a man. After all, don’t women usually fake orgasms to turn on their man or encourage him to cum harder and faster?!

As it happens…

A lot of men want partners who are open about their needs and feelings, not just someone who will pretend for his benefit.

We’re not just talking about orgasms, either. Faking pleasure, desire, laughter, or interests hinders you from getting what you want and connecting on a deeper level. Plus, it’s not a good foundation for a relationship.

23. Nagging

Complaining is such a turn off that the nagging wife has become a trope in sitcoms. It’s all too easy to fall into the habit of complaining at your partner instead of actually discussing issues with them. Similarly, we can all be poor listeners who don’t really pay attention or are only waiting for our chance to speak.

Of course, if your requests for help or to complete tasks go ignored, you might be tempted to nag. But a better course of action is to talk about the issue in a calm and rational way to figure out why things aren’t getting done and what you can do about it. If your partner isn’t open to a mature conversation, maybe they shouldn’t be your partner, anymore..

24. Acting Like a Child or Parent

In a relationship, you should be equal partners. But it’s easy to lose that balance by acting like either your partner’s parent or their child.

Treating your partner like a child – Treating your partner like a child who cannot make decisions and take responsibility often breeds resentment.

Acting like a child – But acting like a child isn’t any better because it forces your partner to do more work within the relationship. Forcing your partner to act like your parent is definitely a thing that turns men off.

Instead, a fair compromise involves both of you putting in effort.

25. Dependence

Romance stories sell us the idea that our romantic partners should be everything to use: lover, best friend, co-parent, and financial partner, to name just a few. But it’s hard enough to find someone who checks off some of those boxes, let alone all of them! Plus, expecting your partner to fulfill every need because you don’t have a life outside of them demands a lot of time and effort.

It’s healthiest to have a support network that includes friends and family members who you can seek out for different needs. This keeps you balanced and takes the pressure off of your partner and relationship. It’s also helpful if your relationship is experiencing growing pains because you’ll have others to lean on.

26. Controlling Behavior

No one likes it when someone else tries to control them. It’s a major turn off to be told what to do in any capacity. You’re an independent human being who gets to decide what happens in your life. And while some decisions need to be made by you and your partner, your partner should not be the unilateral decision maker in your relationship or life–and vice versa.

The Problem With Worrying About Turn Offs

While it’s smart to avoid certain turn offs for men, you shouldn’t be too focused on it. Doing so could mean you don’t pay attention to what turns him on (more on that later) and makes him feel good. You might also wind up ignoring your own pleasure.

Chill out & relax – Focusing too much on turns offs can also mean you wind up acting in an unnatural and awkward or reserved way. Good sex typically requires a little flexibility and responsiveness between partners. If this is missing, you probably have as good of a time as you could–or should.

Try to be in the moment – If you’re constantly worrying about turning him off, you might find yourself apologizing profusely or stopping things without being able to get them going again. If this happens, your partner might struggle to be in the moment, which is the opposite of what you want.

The best sex sometimes requires you to let go completely and do things that might be spontaneous and might not be arousing outside of the moment. You need to get out of your head and into your body to truly enjoy sex.

Make sure you actually like the guy! – Finally, it’s easy to make the mistake of trying to make a guy like or want you without considering whether you even like or want him back! You might be good at avoiding things that turn guys off, only to realize that the guys who appreciate you this way don’t tick any of your boxes and that they don’t turn you on (tips for getting turned on). Make sure you’re choosing guys who you want and who don’t turn you off.

Should you change yourself? – You shouldn’t try to squeeze yourself into a box that doesn’t fit, either. It’s still important to be yourself so that you’ll attract someone who likes you for you, even if you do some things that turns your guy off. The right guy won’t be turned off by you and will want the same things you want, whether that’s a relationship or just sex.

Related: 13 clear signs he wants a relationship with you.

How To Turn A Guy On

Now that you understand what turns men off, it’s time to learn what turns them on. Check out these 9 turn ons for guys. You can turn him on over text, by giving him a lap dance, or by asking your man sexy questions.

Dirty talk is a huge turn on for many guys–and many women, too! So make sure to read our Dirty Talking Bible! Are you short on time? Learn how to turn him on fast.

You can use a combination of these tips to turn him on more than he realizes is possible…and get him addicted to you.

And if you’re wondering whether what you’re doing is working, here are some signs to look for that he’s turned on by you.

This list of turn offs might seem long or restrictive, but it’s a general guideline to help you avoid the things that women do that turn a man off. If the list doesn’t work for you at all, you might be looking for something other than the average man, and that’s just fine! But if you like the typical man, you now know his biggest turn offs so you can be the partner he wants!