How To Be More Dominant In The Bedroom! [Kinky]

Many people believe that being dominant or submissive or switch is some thing that is ingrained from birth. They believe that they can’t learn how to be dominant in the bedroom or become more submissive.

Don't worry! Learning how to be more dominant is not all about leather & whips.

Don’t worry! Learning how to be more dominant is not all about leather & whips.

Quick Note: If you want to learn my most powerful dirty talking phrases, tips & techniques, then you will learn a lot from this dirty talking tutorial video. Enjoy!

By the way, ‘switch’ is when you are sometimes submissive and sometimes dominant, depending on the situation.

Thankfully, for most people, they can learn to be more dominant. With the right attitude, an open mind and the right tools at your disposal, you will quickly find that becoming dominant in the bedroom is easy, empowering and a lot of fun! Follow these easy rules and you will be well on your way to being more dominant and adventurous in the bedroom.

It’s Not One Giant Leap


The mistake that so many women make when exploring how to become dominant is that they think they need to make drastic, massive changes in their attitude and actions. Thankfully this isn’t the case at all. In fact if you suddenly change your attitude, you may even freak your man out, which is obviously not the goal at all.

So what kinds of steps can you take to slowly become more dominant?

  • Try initiating: Kiss your man when he’s not expecting it. Run your hand up and down his thigh to let him know what you’re thinking about. Take him by the hand and lead him somewhere private, then start unbuckling his belt. Push him down onto your bed. Try some ‘women on top’ sex positions. Gently bite his lip. Start with the easier things and you’ll quickly notice how easy & fun it is!
  • Tell him that you want to try something new: You could pin his arms and tie him to the bed. You could handcuff his hands behind his back and then ‘have your way with him’ by giving him a blow job. You could ask him to go down on you and then use your hands on his head to guide it to exactly where you want him to focus on.

Keep On Going

keep calm and dominate

Once you are comfortable with that, then it’s time to take things a step further. When learning how to be dominant, the best way to ramp things up is with what you say. Start with giving him simple orders or commands:

Can you do me a favor and rub my feet?

Get me a glass of wine, would you?

Go and warm the bed for me.

Once he is happily complying with these commands, then you can get a little kinkier, especially when you are actually getting sexual with your man. Here are a few example commands to give him.

You’re going to taste me (then physically push his head down so that he starts eating you out).

You don’t get to cum until I say so, ok?

You’re not allowed to orgasm until I cum at least twice.

Quick Tip: You can learn a lot more on talking dirty to your man to build sexual tension and turn him on in this tutorial video.

These are just some example commands that you can give your man. You don’t necessarily need to use them, but they will give you a good idea of what kinds of things you can say to your man to be dominant.

Discover Your Flavor Of Domination

Once you have tried out some of these suggestions and ‘dipped your toe’ in the realm of dominating your man, then it’s time to start figuring out what type of domination you prefer.

For most, they want to explore domination only to a small degree and keep it confined to the bedroom. Others want to live the lifestyle 24/7 and completely ‘own’ or control their man. Until you start exploring domination, you won’t know exactly what you want. Here are a few different aspects of domination to give you some ideas:

Bondage – Bondage refer to the acts of physically restraining your man, whether by tying him up or by controlling where he has access to. If could be as simple as just tying his hands together or it can be much more elaborate where you use custom restraints specifically designed for bondage situations.

For more information on Bondage, check out the Wikipedia article on it.

Discipline – Discipline is similar to bondage, but refers more to the aspect of punishment and control based on your man’s behaviour. So when he breaks rules that you create you will need to discipline him. There are a huge variety of ways to discipline your man.

You can do it physically by hitting or striking him whether with your hands, a whip, cane, paddle or whatever takes your fancy. You can also discipline him psychologically whether through humiliation or through controlling where he has access to (e.g. only allowing him access to certain rooms in your place). For more information on it, check out this Wikipedia article on discipline.

Sadism – Sadism is different to bondage & discipline. Sadism is the sexual arousal and gratification that comes with inflicting pain or distress upon someone. So it could come from hitting or flogging your man, but it can also come from something like putting your man in a situation where is humiliated or upset. For more information on sadism (& masochism), check out this Wikipedia article.

All of these 3 aspects of dominance fall into the realm of BDSM. It’s not for everyone, but at the very least it can be a ton of fun to explore with a partner you care about.

Some Important Notes On Domination

Note 1: If you have usually been the more submissive partner and your man is usually the one who takes the initiative, then you may feel awkward and nervous trying these suggestions and trying to become more dominant. Don’t worry, it’s totally normal! The key is to just embrace it, everything will get easier with experience.

Note 2: If your man starts acting weird or asks you to explain your new behaviour, all you need to do is tell him that you want to try something different and that you hope he likes it. If he puts up serious barriers to it, then it’s best to just sit down with him and talk to him in a frank way about what you want to try with him.

Note 3: It’s not all whips and chains. Learning how to be more dominant sexually never needs to involve whips & chains or any of that stereotypical stuff that you might see in porn or read about in 50 Shades Of Grey. It occurs on a spectrum. Sure some people want the more extreme stuff or even a small degree of it, but at the end of the day the key is finding what works FOR YOU.

If you enjoyed my tips in this article but want a true sex masterclass, then you may be interested in watching this blow job tutorial video where you'll learn my most powerful techniques & tips for giving your man incredible oral sex. Enjoy!

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  1. Judith says

    I’ve always wanted to try switch bondage, and finally found a man who is compatible with me in nearly every way, including this. It is the most fun I have ever had sexually–incorporating dirty talk, bondage, blindfolds, gags, sensory deprivation, food and wine– stroking my man with a piece of chocolate, then licking the melted chocolate off him, feeding him a melting caramel from my mouth, giving him sips of wine while he’s blindfolded…It is all incredibly HOT, and the key is communication–it HAS to feel good to BOTH of us, or it’s not good for EITHER of us. Boy is it fun!

  2. Sam Guthrie says

    This was incredibly helpful! My man is a sub at heart and I’ve been trying to be more demanding and dominant in the bedroom and I can’t quite seem to get the grasp of things. I end up making a fool of myself and embarrassing him as well. Thank you! This has helped me make a huge mental leap! 😀

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