What A Pleasure Dom Is & 11 Tips To Be One

A Pleasure Dom is a type of dominant that focuses on providing their submissive with intense pleasure. This guide will teach you more about what a Pleasure Dom is, the differences between them and other types of Doms. You’ll also learn 11 Pleasure Dom ideas & techniques to try tonight along with tips for pleasing your Pleasure Dom as a submissive and the 5 common misconceptions about Pleasure Doms.

What is a Pleasure Dom?

Although a Pleasure Dom is broadly defined as someone who focuses on providing pleasure to their sub, they can come in different flavors, if you will. For example…

Most-pleasure-ever – Some Pleasure Doms might set a goal of learning their submissive’s body and desires so well that they can push them to never-before-experienced pleasurable heights. Sometimes subs realize what their bodies can do–and feel–thanks to a Pleasure Dom.

Nice, right?

Related: 51 Effective Safe Words To Use During Your Next BDSM Scene

Others focus on sensation play over more painful activities such as impact play.

Control – For many, providing pleasure is itself a form of domination by pleasuring their partners to get exactly the reactions they want, whether that means an orgasm or rendering them helpless because of their blissed-out state. Obviously, orgasm control, including forced orgasm, can be a big component of pleasure dominance (check out orgasm denial for the opposite).

Betrayal & addiction – Sometimes, a Pleasure Dominant can be devious enough to make their submissive’s body respond to their actions in a way that feels almost like the sub’s body is betraying them. Often, submissives use the word similar to “addictive” to describe interactions with their Pleasure Dommes. A Pleasure Dom may even relish giving their sub orgasms until the sub begs them to stop or uses their safe word.

Pleasure Dom V Service Top

If you’ve spent some time around the scene, especially offline, you might be thinking, “Wait, isn’t this just a service top?” And, yes, many people would agree that there’s no difference. “Pleasure Dom” is a relatively new phrase that became popular because of TikTok and may be used much more online than offline.

Along the same lines, pleasure dominance can overlap a lot with soft, gentle, or sensual domination, depending on which term you use. Those Doms are more about sensation and praise than pain, humiliation/degradation, and punishment.

Related: 11 Gentle Femdom Ideas For Freakier, Kinkier Sex

There’s also overlap with the label stone top, which is often used by lesbians and refers to those who don’t want their own bodies touched. They touch and do things to others, instead.

How Pleasure Doms Are Different from Other Types of Dominants

No matter why someone wants to be a Pleasure Dom, their attention is often raptly focused on their submissive rather than their own needs. Seeing their submissive moan, squirm, and even pant in pleasure can be highly erotic and arousing.

A Pleasure Dom or Domme, may not do as many things as other Doms do, including:

• Providing commands
• Demanding sexual gratification
• Inflicting pain
• Handing out punishments
• Denying or ruining orgasms
• Withholding sexual and kinky thrills

Instead, they focus on making their submissive feel good.

This doesn’t mean that they never use pain, however. Some Pleasure Dominants love to mix pleasure and pain, looking for the line where they either enhance or balance each other out.

How Pleasure Dominants Are Like Other Doms

First, all Dominants offer some sort of satisfaction to their submissives. Someone who isn’t a Pleasure Dom often makes their subs feel good because ordering them to do something or giving them a rough spanking can be pleasurable for the right submissive. It’s all about finding what works for you!

Read More: How to erotically spank your partner.

Of course, many people who are into BDSM experiment with multiple types of dominance and submission. No one says you only have to stick to the pleasure kink if you’re also interested in, say, sexual sadism or brat BDSM. No matter what a Dom does, they’re looking for some sort of reaction.

Finally, all good Dominants respect a submissive’s boundaries, including limits and safe words. Negotiating a BDSM scene or relationship, which can possibly use a BDSM contract, lets you figure out how to play together without crossing anyone else’s boundaries.

Check out these 8 vital BDSM rules to keep things safe, sane & consensual

And once playtime is over, as a Dominant you should always offer aftercare to your submissive.

11 Pleasure Dom Techniques, Tips & Ideas

The next time you and your partner want to explore the Pleasure Dom kink, try some of these 11 ideas.

1. Indulging Your Sub’s Kinks & Fantasies

Obviously, being a Pleasure Dom means you will do things that your submissive enjoys. You may have some standard practices, and some kinks and sexual fantasies may be especially common. Still, pleasure can be incredibly personal, and what turns on one person may do nothing or actively turn off another.

Read: 26 worst turn offs for guys to avoid at all costs!

Figuring out what your sub wants often starts with some straightforward sexual communication. Don’t forget to think about why something is a fetish or fantasy, too.

Beyond indulging in those fantasies that your submissive talks to you about, you may also look for new potential fantasies based on their desires and responses. As your relationship deepens, including trust and knowledge of each other, deepens, you may be able to add some activities without talking about it beforehand. However, you can always discuss them if you’re not sure.

2. Learning What Buttons to Tick

Aside from the activities your sub likes to do or wants to try, it’s also your responsibility to learn how their body responds to different stimulation. What feels okay? What feels pretty good? And what feels GREAT?

You can even make a game out of it by having your submissive rate how something you do or use on them feels. This process will also teach you what feels bad or does nothing at all, which you may want to avoid.

If you want your partner to experience pleasure like never before, we recommend incorporating as much of their body and mind as possible. Make sure you find their erogenous zones. Get foreplay started ahead of time through sexting (check out these 13 sexting tips and these 107 dirty texts for inspiration) or even phone sex.

If you get really good at it, you may even be able to make your sub cum on command with a single word!

3. Using Toys

You don’t need anything to be a Pleasure Dom because you can use your body to make your sub feel good by giving a blow job or using your best cunnilingus techniques on them.

However…

Using sex toys such as vibrators, dildos or even a butt plug can make it a lot easier to provide pleasure to your submissive.

4. Playing with Sensation

A common element of pleasure dominance is sensation play, which involves exploring sensations on the body. Temperature is commonly used in sensation play, and you can experiment with it by using ice cubes, a fan, sensation lube, or massage candles, for example. Another sensation, pressure, can be experienced by placing a weighted blanket or your body on someone.

Texture plays a major role in sensation play. Pleasure Doms might use some of the following:

• Soft and silky furs or scarves
• Hard plastic, metal, glass, or stone
• Plush objects
• Rough nail files, pumice stones, or scrubbing sponges
• Smooth massage stones or glasses. Tips for giving a sensual massage.
• Fluffy and tickly feather dusters, boas, or quills
• Sharp fingernails, Wartenberg wheels, or the edge of a credit card
• Snug bondage, arms, or clothing, which can feel secure to some people

Changing the sensation that something, including your own body, normally offers by covering it with something else can be fun, too.

You can also explore sensation play by depriving someone of sensations, which can be accomplished with a blindfold, ball gag, bondage, or earplugs.

5. Edging Your Sub

Edging is a practice where you bring someone close to orgasm but stop or ease up on stimulation before they actually cum, so their body returns to an aroused state. Repeating this process multiple times can make the orgasm–when you actually let them have one–feel even more intense! It’s a great tool for any Dominant’s toolbox!

6. Making Your Sub Ask Permission to Orgasm

There’s something devious about a Domme requiring her sub to ask to orgasm, whether that means through masturbation or having the partner do it. Get creative and combine this technique with others on the list.

Learn: How to orgasm every time you have sex.

7. “Forcing” Orgasm

Like edging and asking for permission, forcing an orgasm is a type of orgasm control. Forcing someone to have an orgasm, even if they don’t necessarily want one or think it’s impossible to have more, is absolutely a dominant move.

More: 33 femdom moves to dominate your man.

Plus, you can combine it with bondage to make sure they can’t get away.

Use these: 17 bondage positions to use during your next BDSM scene.

8. Counting Orgasms

If you’re forcing your sub to have orgasms, making them count them out loud (or perform another task with each one) can be fun to do for multiple reasons. First, your sub may have a hard time remembering because of the orgasm clouding their brain. It could also become harder to do as time goes on and the orgasms stack up, especially if they’re delirious with pleasure.

Succeeding may be just what a sub who loves to please needs to feel okay accepting pleasure from you. And failing may be a tortuous part of your plan all along!

Side note: How to be submissive for your partner in the bedroom.

9. Using a Clicker

A clicker counter, like the type used for a headcount on a school field trip, can become a devious Pleasure Domme’s best friend! Use the clicker to track how many orgasms your submissive has. Then, you can set a goal to beat your previous record.

Although traditional metal clickers can be used singlehanded, you might want one with a band or ring so that you can wear it and still be able to use both hands. Knitting row counters can be adapted for this purpose easily! Large counters with visible screens like those used for sports can also add a delicious aspect to pleasure dominance, especially if you make your submissive press the button.

You don’t need a clicker that actually clicks. They make silent options. But the clicking could even become a trigger that forces them to orgasm more if you like. Yep, we’re talking about conditioning here.

Bet Freud didn’t see that coming!

10. Slow Down

A Pleasure Domme can easily drive their submissive wild by offering pleasure.. just at a slower or less intense pace than the sub wants or is used to. It might take longer to get to orgasm, similar to edging, while drawing out sexual tension and arousal. Outside of a BDSM context, slow sex can be a great way to be more intimate with your partner.

Related: Discover 8 Ways to Master Sexual Tension

11. Roleplaying with Your Sub

Finally, you can play different roles with your sub as part of your pleasure domination. For example, you might play a researcher who is trying to figure out what your subject “responds” to.

Roleplaying might be especially helpful if your sub struggles to accept the pleasure you want to give them. Playing a role that requires them to submit to the pleasure can make it easier to accept it.

More: 42 role play ideas to spice up sex!

How to Please a Pleasure Dom as a Submissive

Your job as a submissive to a Pleasure Dom is to receive stimulation.

It’s not selfish – For many people, let alone subs, this can be hard because it feels selfish and triggers guilt. Rather than resisting, remember that you are obeying your Pleasure Dom by accepting the pleasure they offer and that your body was designed to feel good.

Make it obvious when you’re enjoying yourself – You don’t have to overdo it, but your Dom should be able to tell from the way you look, sound, and feel when you’re into something.

This means you need to be open about what feels good and what doesn’t. If you hide your pleasure and enjoyment, it means that your Dominant also doesn’t get the pleasure of seeing you genuinely enjoying yourself.

Related: The Complete List of 239 Sexual Fetishes and Kinks

Be open to new pleasure – You should also be open to experiencing pleasure in new ways. Although you can always negotiate some hard limits, consider if there are any softer limits that you wouldn’t mind pushing against–or creeping over.

Trust = more pleasure – This means you have to trust that your Dominant knows you well and has your best interests in mind. It also means you shouldn’t submit to any Pleasure Dom whom you cannot trust because you won’t fully be able to surrender to the pleasure.

5 Pleasure Dom Misconceptions

Here are a few of the most common false beliefs about how to be a Pleasure Dom and what Pleasure Dominants are really like.

1. The Dominant Has All the Power

Like any D/s or BDSM activity, the submissive ultimately has all the power–and can revoke it by using their safe word.

2. Pleasure Doms Aren’t Real Dominants

Some people might think that Pleasure Doms aren’t really dominant (perhaps just topping from the bottom) because they’re not demanding service or gratification from their subs. Remember that giving pleasure can be used to encourage submission, however!

3. Pleasure Doms Are the Only Doms who Provide Pleasure

Sometimes, people use “Pleasure Dom” to mean that they don’t do that other kind of BDSM that’s painful, violent, or rough. However, dominance comes in many different flavors, including pleasure and pain, based on individual personalities and relationships.

Preferring to give pleasure already falls under the umbrella of “dominant,” so a separate word isn’t really needed! However, it can be useful to signal your interests to others.

Learn: How to be dominant during sex.

4. Pleasure Doms Never Use Pain

Of course, Pleasure Dom can also use pain as a tool for punishment.

Get inspired by these BDSM punishments.

5. Pleasure Doms Always Stick to the Same Things

While some Pleasure Dommes may only practice one style of dominance, others incorporate multiple types of domination into their kinky lives.

What is a Pleasure Sub?

While the term “pleasure submissive” isn’t universally used, some people may call themselves–or their partners–as such. A pleasure sub would similarly enjoy giving pleasure to their Dominant or being used for their partner’s sexual gratification.

There isn’t necessarily a name for the type of submissive who pairs with a Pleasure Dom. Any type of sub could wind up with a Pleasure Dominant, although it seems to be less likely that a brat and Pleasure Dom would pair up.

Now that you understand what a Pleasure Dom is, you may want to try it out for yourself. Or you may realize that you already are one but just didn’t know the name for it! And if it’s not for you, there are plenty of other styles of domination to try out, too.